Author: Nat

Were you once a kid who was chronically online and watched those cringey animation memes as a child? Well, I can tell you right now half of those song samples belong to Carvan Palace. Now here is where I admit something embarrassing and that is that I love their music! They are such good songs to imagine yourself in a club or even re-enacting those cringe worthy dances that animators would animate their Oc’s doing. Now you may be wondering well what are some of their songs that could take me back to that era or have such amazing daydreams?  Today I will be listing some of their best (in my opinion) songs and ones that will take you back in time! 

My first song recommendation has to be Lone Digger for sure. This song is based around a lone digger which is in that world essentially someone who dances to their own beat. The scene takes place in what looks like a bar/ club complete with dancers and drinks and gives the overall them of a risqué night. I love this song because you truly can imagine it with the songs tone and beat. Later in the club a fight goes down between a gang of cats and dogs who are portrayed as humans with the cats being in streetwear and the dogs in suits and ties. The song is also sung by a woman which could allude to being one of the dancers there which in my eyes just changes the perspective so much. All together it is just a well put together song for both memorabilia and to listen to on the regular.

My second song recommendation would have to be Wonderland this song is just truly about escaping reality. Its melodies are bright, upbeat, and fast paced and overall, just set the scene for one to imagine themselves escaping reality. It is also personally one of my favorites because it takes me back to some memories that I otherwise would not think of. Such as scrolling through YouTube mindlessly and watching any animation videos I could get my hands on.

My final song recommendation is Aftermath. This song gained quite a bit of popularity on Tik Tok before eventually being forgotten like most music tends on the app. Though it was not popular in a cheerful lighting it was mostly known to be used for people depicting their poor mental state and to vent. This is what the song is about though with repeating lines such as “let it go” goes on to help with the underlying message of hardships and that a person has to let go! I also love this song just for its beat in general it can truly be perceived as a light song if one wasn’t to pay any mind to the lyrics or it can be seen and interpreted very deeply. I love songs which can be taken in multiple ways because at the end of the day it is all up to the viewer!

This is another continuation of my series The Radiated Zone

Day 68- Ok so I want to cry the team landed and the creature immediately slaughtered them the second they pulled out weaponry. I am starting to think that I should leave this base. Not to become some weird sacrifice hopefully but because number one I have no food other than a low supply of military grade MRE’s and the fact that for some call of the wild shit I don’t think this human mass will hurt me. I’ve been analyzing it and pouring over any books about cryptids or strange and unnatural things. I am now eternally grateful to Danny and his weird obsession for these types of things otherwise I’d have no fucking idea what I’m dealing with. He was a cunt that made fun of me for praying but now that I’ve found his book on Lucifer and small alter, I get it he was just projecting sadly. But other than that terrifying book I think these people are just angry because their death was unjustified because none of my co-workers respected them none of them but me.  

Day 70- So, taking down barriers is very confusing and so fucking loud for no reason. So, the human mass saw or heard me immediately! It was terrifying to see dead people ranging from twelve to twenty lurching towards you. I just played in my head what all those creepy ass books had said it said to play it cool, so I walked towards it while trying not to piss myself out of fear. And just like that it slowed immediately it was like it understood I was a scrawny unarmed five, six man. They made sounds at me it was very uncomforting, but I could tell they were just trying to communicate with me. So, I did what any sane person would do of course and started crying. I hate my stupid empathy, I can’t help it, and Charles, and they were right, I cry at everything. I couldn’t help it though they looked so sad and desperate once I got done crying, I pulled my notepad out of the pockets of my hazmat suit and laid it out in front of them along with my stupid sparkly pen that at least the kids took delight in.  

Day 73- “find a cure for the poison that plagues us” is what they wrote which is only slightly terrifying. I understand what they want now though and that is all that is necessary to know. Macy was who oversaw working with radiation poisoning and trying to find some sort of cure. I’m sure if I read her logs, I will be able to pick up where she left off or find something? 

For those who know what the term “Inpatient” means I today will be discussing my experiences while in facilities. For those who do not know what inpatient means it is when someone goes into a facility to hold them due to their mental health. I was one of those individuals and today I am going to speak on my experiences as inpatient facilities and how they are run are often overlooked.

The first time I was admitted to a facility I couldn’t have been older than eleven. I remember being terrified as I was worried what the room, I was put in would be like, how the staff would treat me, and most importantly how the other patients would act. I failed to realize that I would end up being one of the most out of it patients there and wouldn’t have much to fear. The facility I stayed at is part of UMMC and it is known as 3 Circle and is only for adolescents twelve and under. There I had a small room with hospital grade sheets and one pillow which felt similar to concrete. I honestly got no help there other than the different medicines they tried on me. I also was introduced to psychiatrists there and doctors who made me realize in the medical world some people view others as only a test rat and a statistic. At a very young age I was told I would never be able to hold down a job, have a family, or ever be successful. As many can see that is not true as I am now at an art school writing for the world to see. This however would not be my last encounter with doctors and psychiatrists like this and it would be far from my last time being hospitalized and having to stay in facilities.

My second stay in a facility was when I was around twelve to thirteen it’s hard to remember exact dates and ages from that part of my life. I was admitted to UMMC first due to some of my symptoms that had started to manifest at a rate quicker than which my medicine could keep up with.  I was told then that I had aged out of three circle and now would need to go inpatient somewhere else. I then was admitted to the place that I would go on to visit two more times. Also known as Brentwood. My first stay there was when I truly had my eyes opened to others struggles and when I also learned how bad my condition truly was. I was put on a concoction of different medications which only dug my grave deeper. All the while though I learned the stories of other patients. I learned that CPS is a cruel and twisted system I learned social workers could make or break a child’s life. I learned the world is not white and black and there are many individuals who no matter how hard they try the world is just not on their side. I stayed in Brentwood for fourteen days and my psychiatrist tried to send me to a long-term facility and told me daily that my illness wasn’t real and that I was simply faking. I then learned how powerful mania is and that you should not tell a drugged up thirteen-year-old girl she is faking symptoms. That led me to get my first “dog shot” and be put in a solitary room with only a small window to provide light. I learned that day what true dehumanization was.

My second stay was at most two months later. I had overdosed and was a threat to myself and others. By now I was severely overweight due to the medications I was on and running off of adrenaline and mania all the time. I had no been inpatient for even a week when I decided to pull the fire alarm in order to unlock all of the facility’s doors. Fun fact there is a huge wooden fence which surrounds Brentwood. So, I truly did not get far before I was manhandled back inside and given a shot to “mellow me out” and also thrown into the solitary room once again to prevent me from further escapes.

My third time in Brentwood was the first time I can truly say I got better. I was put with a different psychiatrist and luckily, he was one who listened. He put me on different medications that truly helped and kept a close eye on any side effects they had on me. Of course, like many inpatient psychiatrists he was not the nicest but all that mattered is that he got me on the right track. My most recent stay though I was subject to the most harassment I had ever delt with. Though harassment is sadly common in most inpatient facilities. But I have worked past it and accepted it is something that I can use to make myself stronger. Through all of this I have learned and recommend that absolutely no one unless in dire condition should go inpatient. Always try extensive therapy or outside psychiatrist because nine times out of ten if you land inpatient the only way they will help you is with medication. So, stay safe y’all! 

this is a continuation of the last journal entries I uploaded previously!

Day 54- I found out how to clean my suit and I found the thing that’s been fucking watching me. I turned on the security cameras today once I finally figured out how to get them up and running. I also found out how to pull out our emergency barricades, so I put those up to I don’t know how to put them down but as of right now I don’t plan on leaving. But as soon as I turned on the cameras, I saw something outside of Charles room and then I heard screaming. First off he had been alive this whole time! Well, he wasn’t for long because I saw this huge creature crawl, or I guess dragged itself? Into his room and I don’t know what went down from there because thank God we don’t have cameras in our room. I’m kind of glad Charles died though he would be a pain to work with during all this. But I swear the creature looked at the camera before all the shit went down. Something about it felt so human though I’m going to see if I can slow down the footage and see what the creature really is. 

Day 56- Ok so it took me two days to get these shitty cameras to slow down and show anything but grain! It was worth it and not in a way because now I’m terrified and probably going to go insane. This monster or creature I will say because I now know it is human. Many humans stuck together forming a giant mass. To be honest it’s horrifying and all of them are the ones I presumed dead. I feel a connection to them I feel awful for their situation, but I also know they killed my coworkers, and I don’t know if I will be next. 

Day 60- I have found a contact that will listen to me and it’s one of my old work buddies. God, I wish I had just kept that stupid office job and never chosen this hell over it. Johnathen said he is talking with our HR boss the stupid big man both metaphorically and not who ran this whole operation. Ran it from the comfort of his office where he ignored my emails for help. Johnathen, unlike me, is good friends with him and said he talked him into sending a team to fly me out. He said the boss had laughed when he was informed that everyone in our team had been killed, he said he assumed the last team he had sent just quit. Apparently making crude remarks and saying they must have died due to poor work ethic and no survival skills; I don’t think Johnathen will remain friends with him after this interaction. 

Trigger Warning-Some songs pertain to self-harm and suicidal ideations which will be discussed down below.

Are you into alternative forms of music? Melody’s that make you question what its creator wanted you to feel? Along with lyrics that if paid attention to reveal unnerving stories and truths. Well then, I have a creator perfect for you and today who exactly they are and what they do.

Sodikken is both a music artist and YouTube creator who blew up in the 2021 through 2022 era. They are known mostly for their songs Misery meat, People eater, and HANSEL of course along with GRETEL. If your Tik Tok for you page is more music based on lands you on the niche sides of things you have probably heard snippets of these songs. Onto what some of these songs are about though as they play an overall theme in most of Sodikken’s songs. The creator is known to create upbeat and joyous melodies that seem conflicting with the lyrics being sung. Examples of this can be found in the song HANSEL and the character that Sodikken created who we know as Hansel. This song is about a boy who lives in a family of four and along with another main character in Sodikken’s series Gretel. We come to learn Hansel is the least favorite member/ child in the family and this deeply impacts them. This is what the whole song HANSEL revolves around is Hansel speaking on how they self-harm with knives and fire for attention as they never get any. They also go on to speak on how they are jealous of their sister Gretel and wish they were like them or even were them so they could receive love. The song ultimately ends when Hansel commits suicide and makes commentary on how they finally received a party to celebrate just them when in reality they are talking about their funeral.

The song HANSEL only gives us one side of the story though. The story Gretel shows us that Gretel did not have as easy and favorable of a life as Hansel made it out to be. Through this song we learn Gretel has a skin condition known as FAMMM (Familia Atypical multiple mole melanoma). This condition led to Gretel being relentlessly bullied and made fun of for her appearance. This leads to her becoming aggressive to those who have mocked her or make fun of her condition. One day while on a walk she is stabbed by a man who mistakes her for a monster due to her condition and anger but before this there are other concerning lyrics that hint to the fact, she may have already been planning her death.  The song has many mentions of mangos and cherries which the pits in small amounts contain cyanide. Keep in mind while both songs HANSEL and GRETEL are being sung if one were to not pay attention to the lyrics these would seem like upbeat and cheerful songs.

As we can see Sodikken is an extremely talented musician and both writer t0 think of tackling such serious topics while still being able to produce such melodies. If any of these songs or their meanings sound like something you would find interesting, I encourage you to check out their music! They have yet to upload any music since 2022 but the albums they have produced before then are something truly remarkable.

Hello today’s blog will focus on just a few of Jack Stauber’s songs and what {in my opinion} they signify and mean! For some background Jack Stauber is American musician/ animator who is known for the unique sound parings he uses in his songs and how he sings in “cursive”. 

1- Easy to breathe

This song was released November 6th, 2020, and was a song featured in a psychological horror film titled “Opal” it is sung by a character who smokes cigarettes incessantly and is obsessed with tv. This leads him to go onto sing this and the whole premises of the song is how he does not understand how the people in the tv can breathe so easily. He also goes on in this song to ramble about how the women on tv love him and idolize him and how they “want his soul” (mind you he is also singing this song to a young child).  Though I believe there is a deeper meaning than just being a stay-at-home bum and bad grandfather. The deeper meaning is the story is about co-dependency and usage of unhealthy coping mechanisms. This can be seen because the man singing is both blind and has an illness. It is a theory that his illness is caused by his constant smoking but also that the illness in turn took his sight. Yet this man still chooses to watch endless amounts of tv? The answer to why he would do that is it is how he copes and it’s what he depends on. He watches the same shows daily because he can remember what they were like before he became blind, and it is his last connection to reality. As he seems to forget who his own grandchild is numerous times while singing. his cigarettes are something he has always had and is how he copes as his current living situation is quite unfortunate.

2- Dog nightmare 

This song was released March 25th,2017 and honestly is one or was one of his more popular songs released. It also is a song that not much has been found out about when it comes to any deeper meaning. On the surface level it seems very unassuming with lyrics like “(My name is Jack) Hello! (Okay-)(Mmm-oy) (Go outside)(Here we go, ah!)” as you can see most people may not want to or will find this hard to really analyze. I see it thought as something that could potentially lead to the topic of an unhealthy relationship. If you look into just the title of the song dog nightmare automatically alludes to something more. And we are hit with a few key lyrics such as “I was dancing to your house last Wednesday night (I was dancing to your house last Wednesday night)I caught a little word of something you said (I caught a little word of something you said)Now I can’t let little prose come out of my head, ha”. This already sounds like something has gone down and combining with the rest of the lyrics speaking about going for a ride and allusions to biting. This insinuates maybe they are physically going on a drive to escape what’s going on and biting is a clear symbolism for violence. So, although this is not one of my favorite songs by him in my opinion its mystery surrounding it makes it very fun to analyze!

3- Dead weight

I love this song to an unhealthy extent so as one does, I simply over-analyzed it to death. This song was released April 14th,2018 (writing these dates is making me realize I’ve been a fan longer than I thought). This song though you can already see the underlying meaning fairly easily. Jack uses tones that almost sound similar to whining or someone who is mourning a person. It is also a fairly popular song as it creates a nostalgic tone that viewers loved. This also probably why it is one of three songs which have their own music video! The meaning I took away from this was just honestly a person who feels like a failure. It seems as the person alludes to that they have everything they “need” but not really anything else of importance. This is what leads them to spiral and talk and repeat many times the word “dead weight”. It alludes to the sense of what they feel being that in the grand scheme of things they feel minuscular. 

So overall these are the meanings or take aways I have had after listening to these songs! Be sure to check out this songwriter if any of these speak to you and he also has many other silly songs and Claymation animations!

I have currently been working on a story in a format similar to this blogspace feel free to read and leave helpful critiques or ask questions about my characters upcoming entries!

Day 38 entry- 

“Stop” one of the researcher’s says to me sternly as I stifled a gag. “How the hell do I just stop it’s natural to want to hurl or cry at a situation like this” I say with bile still tickling the back of my throat. I wish I never took this job. All I wanted to do was explore new places, preferably places where everyone was still alive. “Oh my God James snap out of it it’s already our third week at this site can you stop crying over every- body we come across” I hate Charles so much I swear the dude is a psycho “Well sorry Mr. Sociopath not everybody is used to seeing dead children and just moving on” he looks at me with a pissed faces and storms off “good riddance” I huff as I go to examine the toys left behind. Now this is where I am serious where I give a fuck about my job. I carefully put it into one the special containers we have for contaminated subjects I still hold it as far from me as I can I remember Malisa used to handle the objects without a care. That was until we discovered the hole in the glove of her hazmat suit that was until she died a week later. I try not to think about that though or how dangerous my job is I just think about how I’m in Korea and how I have good pay. “Would you hurry up and stop staring at that creepy fucking doll” God I hate everyone on this team I know they are just probably desensitized as they’ve been on this mission much longer than me. I could never be like them. I’ve made it my mission to honor every-body and subject I come across. “Yeah, yeah I’m coming no need to be so rude” I quickly zip the bag and run to catch up with team.  

Day 50 entry- 

Things are going to hell in the lab, and I don’t know why. I remember waking up, getting zipped into my suit and then getting knocked out by something red. I don’t know why I’m logging right now but it’s the only thing on my computer that doesn’t require some form of outside service. I’m also really fucking scared right now not going to lie everyone is missing well most of them at least the ones I found were dead. I feel bad obviously but all of them had no respect for this place anyway, so I hope my nice teammates are somewhere safe. I need to log off though and go examine the area. I hope I can either get a cell service or at least find someone living. 

Day 52 entry- 

I got some communication services back online, but I still feel like I should journal to keep my sanity. I don’t know what’s more unsettling, the fact that I found all my teammates’ bodies or the fact that all the victims are gone. I also feel like I’m being watched but I also haven’t slept in two days. I’ve been pouring over our protocol manuals but there isn’t any part in the manuals you can flip to that explains where to find what to do when you find all your team dead and mauled. I also really need to know how to clean my suit because it’s starting to get dirty, and Rob was the only person who got trained on how to sanitize these bulky things.  

Have you ever been head over heels for someone? Specifically, a boy and you just wish they weren’t so ignorant? Well, if it makes you feel any better there may be a science-based answer to why they aren’t responding the way you want and that is due to what stage they are in with developing their frontal cortex lobe. Now you may be wondering what exactly that is it is a lobe (the largest to be specific) of your brain and it’s located in the front area (get it?) and is responsible for almost everything. From the way you think, move, and how you remember certain events but the part that we are talking about what it controls today is how you behave and interact with others.

It’s very important because it is what has major control over our Behavorial and emotional control and women’s develop faster. A womans finishes developing in around mid to late twenty’s while a man’s can still develop all the way into mid to late thirties! A woman’s frontal lobe is also larger than a male even though men have larger brains. It has been found that men have bigger parietal cortexes and amygdala.  Which is space perception and an area that regulates social behavior. Although women have smaller brains, they think with about ten times more white matter than gray matter which is what men think with. 

White matter means you are thinking with connections between neurons which allows a woman to be able to think quicker and process information faster than a male. Due to the fact that gray matter is based off of just active neurons. So, taking these factors into consideration it makes perfect sense why your crush of right now or in fifth or sixth grade wasn’t taking the hints you were laying down. It’s because they physically couldn’t or at least would have had a very hard time due to what size and development stage their frontal cortex lobe was in!

Now if you are in your late twenty’s a female and feel you have just had a world crushing revelation that is also due to your frontal cortex lobe as most women experience this once theirs becomes fully developed. As once your frontal lobe is developed you are able to think in a much more logic-based way and process things in a way that you wouldn’t have been able to when you were a teenager. You will still have a few years of dealing with men who seem to not understand a word you are saying though. This is not made in any way to shame men though as certain parts of their brain develop faster than a womans would this is a purely science-based blog!

Most people have always preferred dolphins over sharks as they assume all sharks are killers with crushing jaws. Well, I have news for all of you dolphin lovers because your beloved friends are not nearly as sweet as you think. For starters they are essentially the bullies of the sea and if they were humans most would refer to them as thugs. Some Un redeeming qualities they possess that have made me decide to even create this post are the following. They are infanticide which in simple terms is they murder their offspring and do not be fooled by how the media portrays them they attack humans too. They also are known to assault their own kind and kin along with poor unsuspecting fish. They are known to kill other dolphins for reasons no scientist could find actual evidence on other than the fact that they just do it for fun. They are disease breeding grounds and most of the diseases they spread through contact can be fatal to humans. They throw around pufferfish and spike their snouts with the poison just to get high. Their use of echolocation affects our underwater instillations, and they kill sharks just for the fun of it!

Now you may be wondering why or how a dolphin could ever manage to kill a shark and let me tell you it is gruesome. They use their snouts to ram into the poor sharks while specifically targeting their underside and gills and if you think just one dolphin aiming to cause damage to your organs just imagine that time five or even fifteen. They usually commit such acts in large pods making it almost impossible for the sharks or whatever they are toying with at the time to escape. Now though you may feel sad if your favorite animal is or was a dolphin well, I have good news for you because there is a much better animal of the sea to love. That animal is a shark, and they are plentiful unlike evil dolphin’s sharks come in many different sizes, colors, and breeds. Some sharks that are especially friendly are the nurse shark, Caribbean reef shark, leopard shark, and angel shark I mean come on guys it’s literally in the name!

Yes, I know media portrays them as evil beings, but I assure you they are not most people who actually work with marine life know they are also known as sea dogs due to how loving and curious they are. So, the next time you see a shark in the ocean of course don’t run up to it but also know unless it is behaving aggressively of course you don’t have to scream and run away. More often they are more curious than anything and if you do encounter a shark that is a bit to curious. You put your hand on its snout, you can easily actually flip the shark and push its head away #getrotated.

Science is a truly wonderful thing and has benefitted society and humanity itself in many unimaginable ways. These benefits though require a quite high cost, and that cost is paid in lives. Examples of this can be found all over the world but today we are going to touch on areas such as Germany, Russia and the United States of America. First on the chopping block is Germany where we can take a look back to the date March 22,1933 this is when the first concentration camp of World War 2 opened though this camp was at first used for political prisoners it would one day become just like all the other camps. Who contained doctors who would discover new medical discoveries in inhumane ways. Topics pertaining to science and medical effects on the human body that were discovered as a result of these camps are things such as how low of temperatures the human body can endure before succumbing to hypothermia.  They also are the gold standard of recording high altitude exposure results as today there will be no candidates for such studies. They also were the very early inventors or users of what is known commonly today as “euthanasia” and on top of this no Nazi German physicians of this time can claim they didn’t realize what they were doing was wrong as Germany was the first country in the world to mandate and implement an ethics class in every medical school.

These are some physical tests done on humans though after enduring outside factors while horrors committed by America were arguably one of the most inhumane and this is not touching on the topic of what they did to prisoners but instead the effects of their creations. These creations were both used and destroyed the same day they were deployed one occurring on August 6th and the other on August 9th in 1945. We simply know those dates today as the days that the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombings took place. This bombing was approved and executed by the 509th composite group and known as the Manhattan project which is a whole subject on its own. This group’s sole purpose though was to research and Soley create the first atomic weapon, and they achieved this goal quite well. These bombs were named “Little Boy” and “fat man” and are the bombs that killed around 246,000 people. On top of that those murdered were both civilians, soldiers, and even our own soldiers who were being held as prisoners of war. These bombs unveiled new medical discoveries as doctors had no choice other than to learn how large amounts of radiation affects the human body. They learned how it decomposes the body at a rapid pace if the body was exposed to a high enough dosage and even if it didn’t directly affect you and you were to have a spouse exposed to radiation or even came into contact with it accidentally the affects could still be devastating. From cancer cells suddenly occurring a few years down the road with no family history of it to giving birth and the child suffering serious deformities as much as the bombings were horrifying the after affects will forever be a reason why medical and industrial science progressed as fast as it did.

Our next discussion however was performed by Russia’s scientist who belonged to the Soviet Union, and they did it directly and deliberately to learn the most effective ways to kill people via poisonings most of these were destroyed and discontinued for obvious reasons. Some even had samples of them taken by the United States to see if they could be used usefully but one of their most deadly yet useless poisons was created during this period too. This was why the poison Novichok came into existence it is a nerve agent that affects the heart and slows it while also paralyzing the muscles that we use to breathe and almost always when being used its purpose is to kill as it was developed to be used for warfare and for undetected kills. Novichok is also specifically the topic I’m touching on because although it’s known for one purpose it is still an exception because they were never declared while most nerve agents became restricted during the “1997 chemical weapons convention” and most importantly being included because although it was created for harm it has only successfully killed one person thankfully and is very hard for the public to access.