Author: Steph Hartmann

In my last blog, I covered disc 1 of Stadium Arcadium and I’m excited to talk about disc 2! For the longest time, I thought disc 1 was the better half and I would only listen to it and replay it when “Desecration Smile” started playing. I’m glad that I’ve moved on from that and now I listen to both halves and love them equally.

Desecration Smile

“Never in the wrong time or wrong place”

Starting off strong! I think this is a really underrated song. I love the acoustic guitar and the vocals. The background vocals are really strong throughout this entire album and I think this song shows that off really well. They uphold the melody well in the chorus and they also echo the verses really well in other parts. 8/10

Tell Me Baby

“The thing we need is never all that hard to find”

This used to be one of my favorite songs on the entire album. I really like the beginning, it’s slow and sweet and it mimics the melody we hear later on . Then we’re thrown into the actual song and (I’ll admit) it’s really jarring, but it’s really unique to this song and I appreciate it for what it is. 8/10

Hard to Concentrate

“And, finally you have found someone perfect”

This song is really different. The intro is really smooth and I think it was done really well. Also, in this song you can hear the lead singer (Anthony Kiedis) extremely closely. Like you can hear his breath and that gross sound when you open your mouth. Anyway, I like this song but I think it’s pretty boring compared to the rest of the songs on this album. Honestly, it feels rather empty to me. 5/10

21st Century

“Not too sure but I know that it’s meant to be”

I absolutely love the bass in this song. It adds a lot to the song and I think it would be completely different without it. It’s quick and I think it has a really unique sound. Other than that, there’s not much that I can say about it. 7/10

She Looks to Me

“Who’s gonna take you home / And hold you when things aren’t so bright”

I’ve grown to love this song a lot! I wasn’t that big of a fan when I first heard it, I thought it was strange, but now I see it as unique and beautiful. The melody is well crafted, and the instrumentals are so complex – I love it. 8/10

Readymade

“Listen, but don’t be afraid”

This is easily my second favorite song on disc 2. I love listening to this song when I clean. I love how the bass and electric guitar match each other throughout most of the song, I think it creates a rich sound that becomes the main focus. I honestly don’t mind it overpowering the vocals. I also love the breakdowns in this song! 9/10

If

“And if I saw the sun fall down / I’d pick it up and make a crown / One that was a perfect fit for you”

One of my favorite things to do when I listen to this album is to read the lyrics of this song. I think they’re so sweet and well written. I like the quiet buzzing noise in the background, it feels like I’m outside in the middle of summer hearing the air conditioner buzz. I think that’s why I like this song more than I do “Hard to Concentrate.” Both are really mellow, but I favor this one any day. 8/10

Make You Feel Better

“I got dreams so wide like a country mile”

I think this song is really catchy. I really enjoy the drums in this. Also, he says “run amok” here again. I’m not sure why that’s notable to me, but the only time I’ve ever seen the word “amok” is in RHCP songs. This song is really upbeat and the bass and electric guitar parts are really simple but good. Also, you can hear a tambourine! I love tambourines.

Animal Bar

“Runnin’ through the mud, I got a feeling of worth”

Surprisingly, I really love this song! The instrumentals are layered so well and I’m a huge fan of the bass in this. It feels like it’s constantly running and it matches the lyrics and vibe really well. I like how it switches in the chorus and I love the ending. 9/10

So Much I

“Please don’t turn away a friend”

My only note about this song is that it’s alright. I feel like it starts off way too strong at the very beginning. I really enjoy the chorus though! Other than that, I don’t have much to say. 6/10

Storm in a Teacup ★

“I know you can battle the masses, dear”

This is my favorite song on disc 2. I think it’s so incredibly unique, fun, and catchy. I love the lyrics and instrumentals equally in this song, which is rare because I usually favor the instrumentals. Surprisingly, I love the background vocals, especially the fun chanting (?) and I really love the feel of this whole song. I don’t love it as much as I do “Wet Sand,” but it’s my favorite out of disc 2. 11/10

We Believe

“Cause it’s not the first time, nor is it the worst time”

I’m not a huge fan of this song. The background vocals definitely give the illusion of a crowd (and I think that’s really cool!), but I just think it’s really robotic in a strange way. I also think this song is lacking a bit, especially after “Storm in a Teacup.” It’s really unique, though, so I love it as is. 6/10

Turn It Again

“I turn to you, I turn into, and then I turn it again”

I like this song. The bass is funky, the electric guitar is cool, and the vocals are unique. I really enjoy the chorus, but that’s really it. I think I’ve overplayed this song so much to where I don’t like it as much as I used to. I bump to this song in the shower, though. 7/10

Death of a Martian

“Lots of love, just keep it comin’ / Making something out of nothin'”

My first thought is that this song is really weird. But it’s so unique and I love it. I think it’s a really good song to end this album with. It has a beautiful sound and such a good chorus. I think this song is so beautifully crafted and then, there’s the ending. It’s a poem. I got so excited when I heard it for the first time. I adore naturally read poems in songs and I think it’s delivered so well here. I will admit, this song was really confusing to me at first. After a very small amount of digging, I discovered it was about Flea’s (RHCP’s bassist) dog and I think that is absolutely precious. I am such a sucker for pieces written about pets. 10/10

After “Death of a Martian,” there’s a 30 minute long commentary from the band members. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I have never listened to this all the way through. I just cannot sit still enough to listen to it without wanting to hear the album again.

I’m really glad that I was able to review this album, it’s truly my absolute favorite album. That fact should be kept in mind when you see the low ratings because even with a 5/10 rating, it’s still an amazing song in my eyes. The second disc is definitely not as popular as the first, but I still hold it in a very special place in my heart. I want to do more RHCP album reviews, but Stadium Arcadium really took a lot out of me.

It’s about time I get this blog out. I’ve been planning a Red Hot Chili Peppers blog since New Years. My original plan was to make a huge blog post (like, over 2,000 words) reviewing every single album they’ve ever made. That’s 13 albums! So (after a while of fighting myself) I scrapped that idea, knowing it was 100 times easier to break down one album at a time (or in this case, half an album at a time).

This blog’s focus will be Stadium Arcadium! I’ve been listening to this album for a few weeks now, and I’ve definitely grown an unhealthy attachment to it.

Stadium Arcadium is an entire 2 hours long with a 30 minute commentary at the end, and it was released in 2006. In this blog, I’ll be going over disc 1, which contains 14 songs.

1. Dani California

“California, show your teeth”

This is such a good song to start this album. It’s definitely a classic, and I think it’s one of the best RHCP songs ever. I have so many memories tied to this song, good and bad, and that makes it really special to me. I think the beat is so catchy and the instrumentals go so well with the vocals. I’m embarrassed to say I don’t know much about the actual production of music, all I know is that it sounds good and I like it! The chorus is also really good and the background vocals support it so well. 10/10

2. Snow (Hey Oh)

“The more I see, the less I know / The more I’d like to let it go”

Another amazing classic. This is one of the most popularly covered RHCP songs that I’ve seen purely because of the guitar part. I think it’s amazing and it’s really unique. When I first got into RHCP a few years ago, I remember not really liking this song. Unfortunately, my opinion hasn’t changed that much… To me, it’s really repetitive to the point where I get bored. I still absolutely love this song, just not as much as others. I will admit, the lyrics are heartbreaking in a way that hits me right in the soul. 7/10

3. Charlie

“My heart, your skin, this love I’m in”

This is one of my favorite songs on the entire album! I’ll admit, I have no clue what he’s talking about in the lyrics, but it sounds really good. My favorite part about this entire song is the background vocals. I think they add a lot of support and fun to the song! And the chorus bridge is so amazing. I feel that part through my whole body and the lyrics in that part are so good! 11/10

4. Stadium Arcadium

“The stadium arcadium / A mirror to the moon”

This is the perfect title track for this album. I think it represents the album in such a beautiful and meaningful way. It completely clears my mind in the way a song never has before. I just completely zone out when I listen to this song, I just think it’s so beautiful. I don’t even know how to describe the instrumentals, everything is just so well done. It feels so universal, like I imagine space when I listen to it (maybe because of the album cover). 9/10

5. Hump de Bump

“It’s not about the smile you wear, but the way we make out”

If “Stadium Arcadium” made you sleepy, this is the perfect song to wake you up. I don’t even know what it’s about, and honestly, I don’t think I want to… I’d rather stay oblivious. It’s so fun, it’s so funky, and it gets stuck in my head all the time. My friends hate to hear me sing this. I love the trumpet and the “oh no!” part. 8/10

6. She’s Only 18

“(Knock the world) / Right off its feet and straight onto its head”

Walk with me here. This song is so good. I was going to talk about how I don’t pay attention to the lyrics and only listen to the sound but curiosity got me and I deeply regret researching the meaning behind this song… Anyway, I love the background vocals. 6/10

7. Slow Cheetah

“It’s so bad it’s got to be good / Mysterious girl misunderstood”

What a song to unwind to after “Hump de Bump” and “She’s Only 18.” This song makes me grab onto my t-shirt like my life depends on it. I think this is one of the only songs on the album that uses an acoustic guitar and I think it’s so beautiful. I really love this song and it reminds me of the By The Way album. 7.5/10

8. Torture Me

“I want it all, I want it bad / Oh, it’s what I know”

What a heartbreaking song. It’s still really fast paced, but rather than catchy (like most of this album’s fast paced songs), it comes off as quick and desperate and that perfectly captures the lyrics and overall meaning of the song. I love the breakdown in the chorus, it adds some clarity to balance through the noise. 7/10

9. Strip My Mind

“Please don’t strip my mind / Leave something behind”

I mentioned “Torture Me” to be a heartbreaking song, but this is the most heartbreaking song on the album (to me). I absolutely love the background vocals and I think they add a lot of grit and personality to this song. I just take a deep sigh every time I hear this song, I love it. 8/10

10. Especially in Michigan

“Cry me a future / Where the revelations run amok”

I really enjoy listening to this song. I’m not sure what this song could possibly be about, but I really enjoy seeing the metaphors that are pieced together from anywhere and everywhere. The background vocals (once again) bring in so much element and the effect over them also fits so well into this song. I also love how the electric guitar (?) at the beginning matches the background vocals that you can hear later in the song. 8/10

11. Warlocks

“Every night I go looking for you / Everyone in the world adores you”

This song is a lot catchier than I thought it would’ve been. It took a lot of warming up to for me to actually like it, but after that, it’s one of my favorites on the album. I think it’s really unique and the flow of the vocals is so strange, I really like it. I’m a huge fan of the bass in this song. 7.5/10

12. C’mon Girl

“And if you let it germinate / I know it will be worth the wait”

This was my favorite song when I first listened to this album. I thought it was really enjoyable and stimulating. The background vocals extend the sound and they really open it up to add so much more depth. It’s moved its way down my list of favorites as I listen to it more, I think I was just so enamored with the chorus that I could only see it as my favorite for a few weeks. 7/10

13. Wet Sand ★

“Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / You don’t form at all / Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / I do”

This is my favorite song of all time. This song has such a special place at the bottom of my heart where it is playing on repeat all day, all night. This is actually one of the only songs that I’ve been extremely interested in learning the meaning of. Flea, RHCP’s bassist, says the song is about loving the dark parts of a person along with their good parts. I’m all about loving the human experience and the flesh and blood that creates it with the mind, so that hits me in a place that’s really special. Everything about this song just means so much to me, from the meaning, to the instrumentals, to the vocals. I especially love the whistling and, of course, the chorus. All of it is so beautifully crafted. I think I could scream these lyrics until I die. 100/10

14. Hey

“Hey, what would you say if I change / I’ll change everything but my name”

The lyrics to this song are so gut-wrenching it’s actually insane. But. I do not care for the sound as much as I wished I did. It’s just really plain to me, but I really enjoy the lyrics. I will admit, it’s really catchy. And I love the little triangle part. Not my favorite song to end on, but I still love it. 6/10

And that’s disc 1! I absolutely love this album and I’m really happy that I get to share it now. I used to think that disc 1 was the better half of Stadium Arcadium but I honestly think both halves are amazing. I know my ratings averaged around 7/10 because I love all of these songs equally (for the most part), so it’s really hard to rate them. But when you see a low rating, keep in mind that this is my favorite album right now. So those 6/10’s and 7/10’s that you see are still some of my favorite songs ever. The rating used to compare the songs to each other.

I loved breaking down these songs and talking about them, I can’t wait to do disc 2 because it has a lot more diversity in the tracks.

I’ve been waiting for this one! This show has been the only thing on my mind since it came out at the beginning of February. I was planning on watching the first premier on Adult Swim with my dad, but then I realized I would be at school by that time. So I watched it with my friend the next day on Max, and when I say that was the highlight of my week, I mean it. And it was only Monday!

Common Side Effects was created by Joe Bennett and Steve Hely for Adult Swim. Lots of creators behind this show also worked on another show called Scavengers Reign. I heard that it’s really good, so that helped me put faith into Common Side Effects before it came out. I haven’t looked into it much, but it’s definitely next on my list.

Common Side Effects is about a man named Marshall, who discovered a mushroom that can cure pretty much every health problem in the world. He reunites with Frances, a friend from high school, and as Marshall is trying to avoid the government stopping him from having this mushroom, Frances is trying to impress her boss and get a (well deserved) raise.

This blog will contain SPOILERS for the pilot episode. It’s not anything crazy, it’s not like I’m spoiling the entire show because I literally can’t. If you want to watch it, I 100% recommend it, especially if you’re really big on Adult Swim shows (like me).

Episode 1 – Pilot 

We immediately open to a conference for the Reutical pharmaceutical company where the CEO, Rick (my archenemy), reveals their medicine has a side effect of depression and suicidal thoughts. Frances (my GOAT) is introduced as Rick’s employee, and Marshall gets on the Q&A mic to expose Rick’s company of destroying habitats in order to produce their medicine. Frances recognizes him as he’s getting kicked out, and they reunite for the first time since high school. But Frances hides the fact that she works for Reutical, knowing Marshall wouldn’t trust her if he knew. As they catch up, Frances reveals that her mother has dementia and Marshall proposes the idea of a medicine that can cure anything. Frances is intrigued but she isn’t convinced it’s possible, until Marshall literally breaks a pigeon’s neck and immediately heals it with bits of the Blue Angel mushroom. Then, it’s revealed that Marshall is being spied on by agents of the Drug Enforcement Administration (I think?). We meet Copano and Harrington, two DEA agents tasked with tracking him down.

Then, we get the awesome intro sequence. It’s crazy that there’s all this information within the first few minutes. Of course, it’s a pilot, so I should’ve expected to be shot with so much information at once, but when I was typing out notes for this blog, my fingers couldn’t keep up!

We open to Marshall telling Frances about how he found the Blue Angel mushroom. We learn that it’s an incredibly rare mushroom that only grows in extremely specific conditions. Upon Marshall’s discovery, he gets hunted down and shot at by a helicopter. He (coincidentally) has an escape plane, but the plane gets shot down! So before the plane goes down and Marshall dies, he eats a Blue Angel mushroom and he survives the crash. Back to the present day, Marshall tells Frances about how he’s almost out of mushrooms and Rick’s company is destroying the environment where the mushrooms grow. He tells her this while Rick is literally calling her. As she takes the call, Marshall realizes he’s being watched and flees.

We open to Copano and Harrington getting put on the case. We see their dynamic and personalities a little more here. I really love them, they’re my favorite characters. Also, (like many others) I thought Harrington was a guy when I first saw a snippet of the show without any of her dialogue, but she’s literally so precious.

We move on to Rick’s employees showing him a new commercial for Reutical’s medicine and it’s very clear that he doesn’t care. He is literally playing Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp. Frances comes in, assesses the situation, and I think she would be a much better CEO because Rick doesn’t want people to know about the side effects Reutical’s medicine has. Frances is literally the #1 assistant, I love her so much. When leaving, Frances proposes the idea for a new product and Rick encourages her, saying he would give her a huge raise if she’s able to pull it off.

We cut to Marshall going to his (super cool) house. It’s clear that he’s really paranoid, and he owns a lot of land. In my notes, I wrote, “He hates the city, he loves Frances,” so do with that what you will…

He notices Copano and Harrington watching his house, but they’re just goofing off. They talk about Marshall and the awards he’s won and things he’s discovered. It’s clear he’s a really intelligent guy. But they want to search his house under the suspicion of drugs and they believe he’s creating some sort of monopoly. I’m not good with business or financial talk so I’m not the best person to explain any of that.

They search Marshall’s house, him AND his tortoise are GONE. He escapes with another (convenient) back up plan. He really thinks of everything…

We cut to Frances in her apartment with her awful boyfriend, Nick. I will admit, his first voice line is so funny, and that’s the only thing I like about him. Frances is trying to wipe the fact that she works for Rick off of her social media, knowing Marshall hates that guy and might not trust her if he finds out. Marshall calls her and the difference in her tone when she’s talking to Marshall vs Nick makes it look like she’s literally cheating on him right in front of his face. It’s so funny. The only thing Marshall tells her is that people are following him, and he brought his (stupid) turtle.

That’s the end of Episode 1!

Episode 1 and 2 were released together and episode 3 was released a few days ago, but I don’t want to continue to spoil the show, especially since there’s only 3 episodes out. I also want to encourage my friends to watch it for themselves, and this blog can be like a little nudge to do that.

I really love all of these characters, they’re so entertaining to watch and I’m  really attached to most of them already. It’s easy to make assumptions about some of the characters but they reveal themselves to be so much more than what you think they are. When I first saw Marshall, I thought he was just a funny, hippie guy (mistake #1), but no! He’s a literal genius who’s strange and awkward, but I think he’s really interesting and I want to see what happens to him.

I’m actually a really big fan of the art style. The animation is really nice, and the way the characters look has really grown on me since I first saw this show’s trailer. I’ll be so honest, I thought their faces were really funny looking, but now I think it’s so endearing. The lighting and the backgrounds are so beautifully drawn. It’s clear that so much effort has been put into this show. I love everything about it.

In the next episodes, new characters are introduced and more complications to the plot get revealed, and it makes this show really complicated but clean and colorful! It takes some analyzing and paying attention to connect the dots, which makes it really fun to study (but I might be the only one that needs to take notes because I’m a little stupid). 

I’m really excited for the rest of this show to come out. I’ve been extremely fixated on it all month. I’ve already made a Pinterest board and I refer to this show as “my show” whenever I talk about it. I’m just a really big fan and I’m excited to see what this show turns into!

Last year in October, I randomly became completely obsessed with ladybugs. This obsession just came out of nowhere and surprised both me and my friends. I mean, I always thought ladybugs were cute. I would search for them on the school playground and I would let them crawl over my hands. They were the only bugs I would ever touch because I was scared of most bugs. Ladybugs were just comforting to me, rather than frightening.

So when Halloween came around and I finally finished my (ladybug) costume, ladybugs were the only thing on my mind. I would draw them, I would research them, and my hands cramped every time I thought about that costume that I hand-stitched.

Then, I made a friend that told me the spot where ladybugs hang out the most: the benches between JI and the Y-Hut. So I checked there almost every day and took pictures of every ladybug I saw. I would show my teachers, my friends, and I even posted them on Instagram.

Now imagine my horror when I realized every single picture I took was of an Asian lady beetle instead.

I was so embarrassed. Every single ladybug that I showed off was an Asian lady beetle. There were no real ladybugs on my phone.

But then I came to the conclusion that I don’t care. Ladybugs and Asian lady beetles are cute. And to me, they’re the same thing… Maybe.

Obviously Asian lady beetles and ladybugs are not the same thing. But they could be if I called everything a ladybug. Obviously I’m a ladybug, you can be too and we’ll all be ladybugs. Even Asian lady beetles.

So I’m going to rate some of the ladybugs I found. Don’t ask me which one is actually an Asian lady beetle because everything is a ladybug now.

 

This one used to be my favorite. I think the larger black spots are really unique, I swear I had another picture of a ladybug with bigger black spots but I can’t find it. This one’s pretty cool, though. It has a cute heart shape on it. 8/10 ladybug.

 

This one had a bent shell! I felt so bad for it, but I don’t think I could ever help it. Its spots are kind of fuzzy and tiny. 4/10 ladybug.

 

This one was just straight yellow. It’s really cute, though. And it’s super tiny. 7/10 ladybug.

 

I don’t know what happened to this one. I can’t tell if the shell is bent or not, but there is something going on. Its wing is sticking out a little bit. Poor thing. 7/10 ladybug.

This one’s pretty cool. It’s got a heart shape on its back that looks like the white line in between my dog’s eyes. It’s super round and shiny. 8/10 ladybug.

 

I don’t know what this ugly one is. I don’t even think this is a ladybug or an Asian lady beetle (whatever). Its legs are so freakishly long and it has no spots. And it’s sitting on a water drop. 2/10 … whatever it is.

 

This one is so cute. Like, yeah it’s got barely any spots, but it’s actually cute unlike the last one and it’s long legs. It’s really shiny, too. 9/10.

 

This one’s alright. It’s super orange. Like even the face that’s supposed to be white is orange. The spots are cute, and it looks pretty big. 7/10 ladybug.

 

I think this one might actually be a ladybug. That fleshy background is my hand, don’t mind how pale it is. Wait until summertime and I’ll be a healthy color again. I remember seeing this one on my way to my dorm and it was like destiny that I recognized it 5 feet away getting crushed by a crowd. That was just my ladybug senses. This one crawled around on my hand a little bit, then flew away. We bonded really nicely that day. 10/10 ladybug.

This blog took me a really long time to arrange because I kept forgetting and remembering the timeline of my relationship with Animal Crossing. This actually led me to dive into my childhood memories, but of course not really “childhood” more like… tweenhood? Pre-teenhood? I really don’t like those words. Actually, I don’t like anything that has to do with the ages 9-12.

It’s really unfortunate that I have to start this blog by telling you that I never played Animal Crossing as a little kid. Obviously it’s not a big deal to anyone but me, but I swear it’s important for the context of this blog.

The Animal Crossing franchise was a huge part of many people’s childhoods. I hear so many stories from adults about how they spent most of their childhood playing Wild World and City Folk. I wish I was a part of that, but I was born when Wild World was released so there’s not much I can do about it.

My first Animal Crossing game was actually Pocket Camp, which is a strange mobile version of Animal Crossing. It has most of the characters and some really cute decorations but it’s not really an Animal Crossing game. Of course, Pocket Camp was built around the whole idea of camping. You did all of the Animal Crossing stuff like fish, catch bugs, and I think that’s it… I spent my entire 11 to 12-year-old life on Pocket Camp. I don’t remember much about it, but I remember sitting in my (empty) church’s youth-group room playing Pocket Camp in the corner. I was in some sort of puppeteering club so I would get to Wednesday night service like 2 hours before it started and I would spend that entire time playing Pocket Camp. That also led me to discover my favorite villager, Goldie! She’s just a golden retriever who likes to read and eat apples and whatever else she does and I love her for it. 

The talk about Animal Crossing died down for years and I stopped playing Pocket Camp because it was taking up half of the storage on my little Motorola phone (I think).

 Then (many years later), Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released on the Nintendo Switch right as quarantine started in 2020. March 20, 2020. 4 days before my 12th birthday. Also, super crazy that I was 12 in 2020, like that is just so weird to me. Anyway, I couldn’t scrounge up enough money to buy a Nintendo Switch and New Horizons, but I was able to get Animal Crossing: New Leaf for my 3DS!

So I spent most of 2020 playing New Leaf, and it was a total blur. I know I really liked it, and I know I spent a lot of time on it, but I don’t remember anything else. Except my other favorite villager, Pashmina, who’s a goat with blue horns that likes to wear colorful sweaters and eat oranges. New Leaf is mostly known as the best Animal Crossing game. When you first start up a save, you wake up on a train and answer the questions of a cat named Rover to determine your appearance, name, and town name. It’s a great way of immersing players with something that would usually take them out of the game rather than pulling them in. When you arrive in your town, the villagers mistake you for their mayor and now you’ve got a bunch of mayor duties so get to work! It’s such a cute beginning and I had so much fun replaying it when I restarted my save for this new year.

It’s kind of hard to explain how I felt while playing New Leaf for the first time. It felt like I was reliving my childhood, or dwelling in déjà vu. I never played New Leaf before, yet it felt so familiar.

Anyway, Christmas of 2020 came around and I ended up getting a Nintendo Switch early! Of course, I got New Horizons along with it. It was just my luck that everyone on the internet started talking about how they thought New Horizons was boring and everyone (but me and my friends) stopped playing it.

There are so many memories that I have from playing New Horizons with my friends and it’s definitely a time that I look back on very fondly. I never got around to making my island cute or even making a 5-star island because the game did get boring. I hate to admit that, considering how much fun I had, but I am not hard to entertain. It’s not a hot take that New Horizons is boring. Lots of people think the same way.

So now I’m replaying New Leaf and it’s pretty nice. It’s a great feeling to hold a 3DS again after so many years. That little game console has found itself in my hands time after time and I think that’s really sweet. I should give my 3DS a name…

Anyway, I hoped everyone liked going back in time with me to my dreaded pre-teen years to look back on my relationship with Animal Crossing. I miss Pashmina and Goldie now.

Like most people, I am not one to stick to my New Year’s resolutions. I have a lot of difficulty keeping up with lists of goals no matter the occasion. Like, I can make a grocery list and still not be able to complete it. 

Last year, I made some New Year’s resolutions. Honestly, there were some good ones in there. I wanted to lose weight, read 10 books, publish some works, keep my room clean and work out. But the only resolution I achieved was getting accepted into MSA.

Clearly, change starts with me.

So this year, I will actually try to reach my goals. I’ve made some broader resolutions for 2025 and I’ve cut myself a lot of slack. I’ve also written it in a style that is more personal to me so maybe it’ll actually get through this thick skull.

The first resolution I made was “be yourself” in all caps followed by an explicit. This is obviously my number one goal. Last year, I noticed that I tend to hide my own personality, afraid that other people won’t like me for who I really am. But the thing is, I do it unintentionally. When I’m around people that don’t make me feel true to myself, I change my personality and unconsciously gaslight myself into thinking that’s the real me. So I honestly don’t know who Steph is but I’m working on that, trust me.

That resolution actually had a little more context to it. I wrote, “don’t snuff out your own light to be mysterious for the guys you like, if they don’t like you for your true self, they won’t like you ever,” and I think that’s beautiful. I really need to listen to myself more often because I can give pretty good advice (I think). Maybe I should be a therapist. Right now I think I should be my own therapist, though.

Another resolution I made was to keep my room clean again. I swear this time will be different because MSA has made me a cleaner and more organized person. I will admit I trashed my bedroom when I first got home for Christmas Break but I left it sparkling! I can’t wait to go home.

I also have a resolution that says “go to church.” I think it’s pretty simple. This resolution comes from a flaw of mine where I want to go to church until I’m waking up and trying to get out of bed for it. It also comes from a goal on my bucket list where I want to attend a church service from every branch of Christianity. I’ve already got Baptist, Episcopal, and Catholic checked off my list. I think that’s pretty impressive for me.

Those were all of my New Year’s resolutions for 2025. Of course, I’ve got some that I’m not willing to share and I’ve probably got some more that I’m planning on adding. I’m really curious about everyone else’s resolutions if they have any, I know some people like to break their goals up by the month or week. I spent New Year’s day in my room on my Nintendo Switch watching the Animal Crossing: New Horizons countdown. I’ve watched it with my best friend the past 3 years but it was just me and my villagers this year.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year (even though I’m a little late) and I also wish myself a Happy New Year because I need it.

Whenever I meet new people, one thing I love to mention is the fact that I was born in Indonesia. Sometimes I feel like it’s my only defining trait. Even if it’s the only thing people remember me by, at least it’s unique. I mean, I’m proud of where I come from… I think. It definitely wasn’t my favorite time in my life, but I was also 4 so I wouldn’t even know. I moved to America in April of 2014, which was over 10 years ago now (that’s INSANE to me) and because I was so young, I barely remember it. 

I’m always asked, “What do you remember about Indonesia?” and I usually answer, “Not much!” But that stupid question always kickstarts the rusty little cobweb-covered gears in my brain to start remembering the foggiest time of my life.

One of my favorite memories of my life before America was playing online games with my dad. I’ve mentioned it before in my other blogs but not in detail. I’ve also already mentioned the fact that my dad gave me my first laptop at 4 years old. I still can’t tell if that was a good or bad parenting move.

For those of you that didn’t experience the most magical form of childhood joy, Pixie Hollow Online was Disney’s Tinkerbell MMO thing. Key word “was” because it shut down in 2013 and I was there! I remember logging on and waiting for my computer to crash or something. I don’t remember many details, just a blurry feeling of sadness as my favorite fairy game was ripped away from my little 5 year old hands. I’ll never forgive Disney for that…

I remember one time I was redecorating my house, and I’m sure it looked great because 5 year old me must’ve had amazing interior design skills. I don’t remember what the house looked like, but I do remember having a trash can made of leaves and my dad did the little sitting emote on it and told me he was “using the bathroom” in my trash can. I remember getting so mad because obviously it was for trash! Sorry if that detail was weird, it’s the only thing I actually remember about playing that game. Clearly, you can see who I get my potty humor from…

While I was doing research to see if my brain was lying to me or not, I found a Pixie Hollow blog post from the exact day Pixie Hollow shut down and it is so funny and also so sad. I’ll share it HERE!!! if anyone is curious about what happened in my little fairy world.

Watching all the Tinkerbell movies and playing Pixie Hollow unsurprisingly led me to believe in fairies. Like seriously. Until I was 10. I moved to America when I was 6 so I don’t know what on Earth was keeping my fairy beliefs up for 4 more years but it needs to come back. Anyway, the sweetest memory I have from Indonesia is going outside with my dad and placing doll-sized chairs and tables and coming back the next day to find glitter sprinkled all over it. My dad would wake me up and tell me, “The fairies came last night!” and I would run out to go see the “pixie dust” and that was the only kind of running I ever did as a kid.

Also, I did not believe in Santa Clause – I believed in Christmas fairies. I loved Legos as a kid, and I remember one Christmas where I woke up to glitter all over my (unwrapped) presents and found a little red fire truck Lego set. While I was building it, I was eating watermelon in one hand and playing in the piles of glitter with another hand and my dad mistakenly thought I was eating the glitter. 

 

I have so many little memories that stand alone without any leading moments. I wish I remembered more but it’s physically impossible for me to. Like this one ad on YouTube that I would watch multiple times a night for a few weeks where it was some sort of dollhouse with a waterslide. It wasn’t for Barbies, it was for little toys and I don’t even remember if they were little humans or animals. I think about it a lot, though.

 

As a preschool aged child on the internet, I loved My Little Pony. I’m still a fan, I have a bunch of MLP stickers all over my water bottle (thanks Richie!). A memory that honestly haunts me probably sits somewhere on a digital camera’s SD card somewhere. So I watched a lot of skits made with MLP toys. And guess who had a bunch of MLP toys…

Inspired by all of the skits I watched, I decided I wanted to make a video. So I set up my dad’s digital camera in between me and 2 of my MLP toys and I made AppleJack (and whoever the other one was) talk! Except they weren’t talking… Because for some reason I thought the camera would hear my thoughts. So I was humming. Like talking in my head. Apparently a little too loud because my dad interrupted my (totally amazing) video to ask me what I was doing.

I remember watching the video back and being so disappointed that the camera didn’t pick up the words I was saying… in my head. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure that’s what I did every time I played with any of my toys. I probably hummed so loudly because I didn’t know what kind of conversation my toys would have because I didn’t know many words.

 

Now back to shorter memories once again, my dad worked a lot so I had a lot of babysitters. One time, it was a hot sunny day (like most were in Indonesia) and I was sitting on my bed with the babysitter doing something I don’t remember. And then I saw a big, fat rat come out of our shower drain and run around the room until my babysitter hit it with a broom. That’s all I remember. Now I don’t know if the rat was super big because Indonesia had crazy big rats or because I was a tiny 4 year old, either way it was huge.

 

I’ve mentioned the fact that I grew up living in a motel in Indonesia before. I think the only reason we were able to stay so long was because my dad was friends with the motel owner. This motel was built on a huge hill that had a little concrete balcony connected to the parking lot. They had potted ferns with the kinds that curl up when you touch them so every morning I would go outside to harass the ferns because I thought it was so cool. I’m still looking for those kinds of ferns by the way, I want to have one and touch the leaves every morning. That would be a nice full circle moment.

Anyway, one day I was running up (or down) the huge slope of the driveway, and I fell. I rarely did anything active so I rarely got hurt, but this one was bad. (This is super gross so skip to the next paragraph if you’re easily grossed out!) Somehow, I scraped almost all of the skin off of my elbow. Like gone. I get so uncomfortable thinking about it now. 

To my knowledge, I don’t have a scar to prove it but I remember my dad making me wear an arm sling that used to belong to him. Actually, when I was looking through my paperwork to apply to MSA, I found a picture of him wearing that exact sling!

 

It was fun to finally write down all of these memories that might fade out as I get older. Spending so much time thinking about the past made me really sad. When my dad found videos of me playing with my toys and putting my stuffed animals to sleep, I cried so hard. At this point, I was like 10. I don’t even know why I started crying, but if he found those videos again I would probably cry even harder.

I miss being a little kid, and that’s so strange to say. I have so much now and I have so much ahead of me, but I can’t help but miss the past so much. Honestly, my life was probably worse back then but I just want to go back. Writing this blog made me realize how often my dad was in my favorite memories. I miss him, which is something I haven’t said since I was a kid going off to elementary school for the first time.

Sometimes I get these visions of my childhood, like I knew that moment wouldn’t last forever so I decided to remember it until I was 16 and writing about the few memories I have from Indonesia. Watching memories of my childhood is like watching short clips of a TV show that grows more static as time goes on. Something that’s just slightly out of my reach now, but it’s slipping away more and more as the years go on. I don’t want to grow up, but I can’t do anything about it now. I think I should text my dad.

I am a horror enthusiast. I have been ever since I was young. Things that scared me ultimately lured me in. The elements of mystery and fear piqued my interest. When I was young, I would purposefully watch scary movies, but if it became too much I would hold my hand in front of the screen so I could only see parts of it. I would pick scary books to read, but I would have to read a few words at a time before putting the book down for a few seconds. 

I don’t know where this initial love of being scared came from. Growing up, I was always afraid. I lived in constant fear. When I lived in Indonesia, I lived in a relatively dangerous place, I was left alone with sketchy adults and I am just now realizing how awful that sounds. 

I’ve always been afraid of being alone. When I lived in Indonesia, I had my own bedroom, but it was always empty because I refused to sleep alone, even if it was just a few feet away from my dad. So he built me a little tent on my side of the bed we shared, the side closest to the wall. I remember having a terrible nightmare where I came home and a zombie McDonalds worker (I’m so serious) jumped out of the bathroom at me. You know the thing where you can’t run in your dreams? That started happening to me, so I had to crawl away but the rug I was crawling on kept moving with me so I was going nowhere. I called out to my dad and he didn’t do anything to help. That was before I could differentiate dreams from reality so when I woke up, I was really angry at him and never told him why because I thought it was real. I still feel bad for that – I should’ve told him. It’s really funny to look back on that now, though.

When I moved to America, I felt safe for the first time. I actually lived in a house, I finally had friends and trusted adults around me, I had 3 meals a day promised to me. This was such a stark contrast to everything I had known, the fear that I had grown so familiar with. I started having terrible nightmares almost every night. I don’t remember any of these, but my great aunt would always ask me if I remembered. I would hide under the bed and wouldn’t come out. I would wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. I would claim to see things that no one else could see. I don’t remember any of this but my great aunt would tell me these things and I would keep repeating “I don’t remember doing that.”

When we moved houses, things seemed fine. I still slept with my dad, but the nightmares fizzled out. Then, I got my own bedroom. It was cute and pink and I had all of my stuffed animals in there and a bed crown with a curtain! I wonder where that thing went because I miss it. Anyways, things started to look up. I was able to sleep on my own (at the ripe age of 6) and I wasn’t having nightmares. I was content and happy for once. Then I started developing insomnia. I would lay awake in bed for hours in a dimly lit, completely silent room all alone. To combat this, my great aunt gave me a bulky radio to put on my tiny little nightstand because she knew I loved music. We’d set it on the pop music station and it didn’t really work, but it definitely cheered me up. Now, I would just sit in a dimly lit room all alone with Timber by Pitbull and Kesha playing in the background. It got to a point where I would memorize all of the commercials that would play on the radio. Then I started seeing shapes in the shadows of my room. Not like an insane creepy way, in a way like when you see shapes in the clouds. Sometimes these shapes would scare me though and I would start crying. 

Eventually, I had the worst nightmare that an 8 year old could ever conjure that I still think of to this day. It started off as if it was a point and click adventure game. I didn’t see any arrows or a mouse or anything like that but the way the point of view moved so slowly and robotically, that was the only way I could describe it. The nightmare started off with me entering the house and walking straight to my room, again, like a point and click game. Then I opened the door to my bedroom and it was literally filled with a bunch of dead bodies. It feels kind of silly talking about this now after so many years but imagine a scared little 8 year old having this nightmare while sleeping in that very bedroom. There wasn’t a single surface that wasn’t covered in blood or corpses. The point of view went into the room and to my connected bathroom and there were even more bodies in there. I hope to never relive that memory or feel that kind of fear again in my life. After that, I refused to even go in my room for 2 years and it was a rough process of getting me to sleep alone again.

I meant to focus this blog on my love for the horror genre but I felt like it was important to explain my history with the feeling of fear and why I love it so much now as a 16 year old. 

I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a nightmare (knock on wood) and I’m so grateful for that. Nightmares are literally the worst thing imaginable. Being at complete mercy of the horrors your brain has created until your body decides to wake you up again is a terrifying idea.

As I’ve mentioned, I loved horror as a little girl. I watched scary movies, read scary stories, watched other people play scary games because I couldn’t. It’s no surprise that I haven’t changed. Horror is my favorite genre in everything. Movies, shows, books, Tik Toks, …Pinterest??? Yeah, I have a horror board on Pinterest and then I get upset when I’m jump scared on my feed when I’m looking for craft projects at 2 AM – nothing new. 

One thing that is still also present in 16 year old me now, is the fact that I don’t like to be alone. Typing this out now has made me realize that I have not changed much from the scared, sad little girl I used to be. I still love scary things and I’m still afraid of being alone. I’ve just gotten a little bit taller. And hopefully a little bit prettier and skinnier.

I still like horror, but I like to have someone there with me. I don’t like to enjoy horror content by myself so I would rather have someone tell me the story along with their input and opinions and how they enjoyed it. Some people might think that’s silly or lazy, even. I’ll admit, it’s not something I’m proud of but it’s true and that’s okay. This blog was meant to talk about how I had a void in my enjoyment of horror. Most things I was interested in as a kid never really connected to me specifically. I couldn’t find anything that really resonated with me and I think that’s what makes an amazing story. Obviously, it resonated with other people – just not me and that’s perfectly fine. 

A few years after I decided I wanted to be an author in the 6th grade, I wondered about what I wanted to write. I knew I could write whatever genre felt right for the story, but that just didn’t feel right. I wanted something I would be known for. I wanted something I knew I would enjoy, and something other people would enjoy. I thought about my childhood and how much I loved horror, but I felt like there was a void in what I really found joy in. I remember reading this series in the 4th grade called “You’re Invited to a Creepover” but I just remembered it as “Creepover.” It was basically scary stories about/for young girls. I loved that series. I felt like I could relate to it, I found joy in the stories and they were also really scary to me.

That’s exactly what I wanted to make as an author. Horror stories for weird teenage girls. Horror stories that will embrace femininity and make real people, real young girls, feel like they’ve been heard. I want teenage girls to find something that they enjoy rather than just having to deal with creative media created by boys for boys. Of course, horror should be for everyone. But growing up, I never had an outlet that represents my femininity and love for scary things and that’s what I want to be for teenage girls. I want to grow into a creative idol that younger me would adore.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I grew up entirely on the Internet. My dad got me my first laptop when I was just 4 years old. Of course, he did it in good favor. I had always played games on his laptop so he just decided to get me my own. But instead of using his own laptop for work like he thought he would, he just spent all his time playing Club Penguin and Pixie Hollow with me. Times like that created the best memories I have to this day.

So when I moved to America in 2014, I was (unfortunately) chronically online at the ripe age of 6. I spent every single day on YouTube. Wasting hours of my day with my eyes glued to the screen. But honestly, I look back on those moments fondly. I had fun and that’s really all that mattered. I wasn’t doing anything harmful and I think I grew up to be an alright person. Hopefully others think I’m a little more than “alright,” though.

In my early days of YouTube, I got really into indie games (like most people). The first one I remember was Five Nights at Freddy’s but I refuse to talk about that one… So instead, I’ll discuss the ones that positively impacted me and still affect me to this day – like Undertale.

Words actually cannot describe just how much Undertale (and Deltarune!) impacted me as a person. I have 2 huge Undertale posters above my bed at home and a Deltarune print on my wall at MSA. I also have more merch on this year’s Christmas list so if anyone wants to get me a little something, you know what to get… 

Undertale was a game released in 2015 where you play as a little kid that falls into the “Underground” and you can either make friends with “Monsters” or kill them. I remember watching Jacksepticeye’s playthrough of it and then scouring YouTube to watch as many more playthroughs as little 7-year-old me could. I never actually played it, but I did play Deltarune which is kind of an alternate reality to Undertale.

Sally Face was another game that shook my whole world as a kid. This one was released in 2016, and I remember being obsessed with Gloom’s playthrough of it. It’s about a boy with a prosthetic face that solves mysteries and goes ghost hunting with his friends. I was so confused about the story and it took me so long to figure it out, because I was literally 8-years-old when the first chapters released. When I was a kid, I was really picky about the art styles of the games and shows that I watched, and I remember being somewhat grossed out by the style of Sally Face, but now I love it with my whole entire heart. I also have a giant poster of it in my room back at home (and it’s kind of creepy).

Stardew Valley actually changed me as a person. I would not be the girl I am today if Stardew Valley did not come out in 2016. Back then, I hated living in Mississippi and I wanted to move to big cities so badly, and then this little farming simulator came out and my entire world changed. It’s actually unhealthy. I’ll sit outside and think “this is just like Stardew Valley.” No girl, this is literally your backyard. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve made it my goal to move to the countryside when I’m old just because of Stardew Valley. Y’all wouldn’t get it…

I’m a little worried about how much I’ve bared my soul in these blogs. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop anytime soon. I just love to overshare. I’d love to hear about anyone else’s favorite memories about their early days on the Internet or if they were obsessed with indie games too. Expect my next blog to be about Deltarune.