Author: Callie Matthews

Thank you for stopping by. (:

My name is Callie Matthews, and I am a literary from the class of 2021. If you are reading this, I hope you are an incoming MSA junior. If not, I appreciate you for visiting my blog, as I love readers.

Although everyone has a different experience at MSA, I wanted to provide a bit of support based upon what I know. Being a student at a such a school demands a significant adjustment, and even though I attended the summer camp one summer, I definitely had a lot to learn. In fact, I always have more to learn at MSA…It is an amazing environment to cultivate growth within yourself. Anyway, I have looked forward to this post since the fall, so I hope it amounts to something. Thank you all for reading, and I hope that perhaps a few juniors will find this helpful. (:

---

First of all, pat yourselves on the back! You are going to an advanced place of learning, and you are all talented and special.

---

First of All…Enjoy Your Summer

I (almost) completely wasted my summer before junior year. I spent the entirety of June daydreaming about MSA and my dorm. Newsflash: my year went completely different than expected, and my dorm compared nothing to my thoughts (I constantly use the excuse that I am a minimalist…if you understand what I mean).

Yes, daydream about MSA, please. Spend an hour or so planning your dorm room’s decor. Talk to other MSA students and make cards for your roommate. But do not waste your summer wandering in the uncertainty of the future. Use this abundance of time to tackle awaited projects. And please, please, organize yourself and prepare…I can not stress that enough. Once the school year starts, you will be strapped into a seat on a roller coaster going more than 20 mph.

Personally, I recommend starting a journal. Set goals for yourself. Capture your thoughts. State expectations, and look back to see your growth. And if a journal is not your cup of tea, maybe create to-do lists, a page of reminders, etc.

You will be excited, but trust me…You will immediately wish you would have lived in the present during the summer.

---

Do Not be Afraid (:

It is all in the title…Please do not be afraid! I had so much fear within me while I anticipated the year. I was going alone. I did not know my roommate. I was terrified of the seniors…which is kind of ironic (the seniors are the best…remember that). I remember overthinking everything, wow.

Going to MSA is definitely an overwhelming experience. Some people already have their roommates selected and ten thousand seniors on speed dial. Others only know the names and faces of a few people…or none. Whoever you are, you definitely deserve to be afraid. You will live in a building with strangers for days on end. But keep in mind that even the seniors are clueless, and the other juniors are definitely one hundred percent as disoriented as you. Do not be afraid to ask questions. The seniors do not hate you or perceive you as stupid, and neither do the staff.

I had a million questions. I wanted to know the locations of my classes, I wanted to know the details of various procedures (even checking out), and I had no idea how to talk to my roommate. I could have asked someone, but I did not. And I felt an unnecessary amount of fear.

---

“What the Heck Do I Bring?”

This was one of my biggest questions. Since I had no contact with my roommate, I was confused about cleaning supplies. Plus, I had never lived in a dorm before. You have to learn what you need; everyone is different.

I recommend bringing (besides obvious stuff)…

• a trash can
  • +Walmart bags
• paper towels
• toilet paper
• Clorox wipes ****
• Kleenexes
• cleaning supplies
  • a broom
  • something close to a mop if not one
  • something to clean the shower with
  • toilet brush + cleaning supplies
  • something to clean the mirror
  • etc.
• anything for school
  • I would wait to buy tons of binders (see what teachers need first), but please bring paper, notebooks, folders, pens, pencils, whatever. And bring a backpack! I mean, everyone is different, but backpacks are lovely.
• a (taco) shower curtain
• a bath mat

If you are a person who is extremely particular, I would recommend buying ninety percent of this (nowhere comprehensive) list. But I also recommend talking to roommates and suitemates and taking turns buying cleaning supplies and items such as shower curtains, bath mats, etc. You should probably wait to buy some of these…For instance, some people may not want to shower behind a curtain with tacos on it.

I also recommend bringing…

• blankets
• an umbrella (please)
• records & a record player
• a diffuser
• at least one plant (:
• a gallon of water
  • save plastic by filling up a gallon of water instead of going through individual bottles…I keep a jug in my room for my coffee maker, etc.
• and snacks ****
  • Brings snacks, please…they will save your life. I can not tell you how many times chips and salsa provided me comfort during ten p.m. essay struggles.

Obviously, bring a lot more than this. This list is missing a lot. But keep in mind that, at MSA, you are not stranded. You have opportunities to buy necessities, and you are surrounded by people. Dorms are learning experiences, so see whatever works for you over time. For instance, I needed an extra desk lamp because I use every inch of my desk, and I like a lot of light. I also always have a good amount of plants to add life. And I had a taco piñata just for the heck of it.

Also, do not forget your phone (or your hair brush). I left my phone and hair brush at home once…It sucked (I was away from both for almost a week). In the beginning, it helps to have a list of items to pack for MSA and for home. But soon you will be a professional packer. (:

---

Move-In Day

Oh, move-in day…brings back so many memories. That day was intense. I had no idea how to handle the influx of information, new people, and change. However, I spent so much time worrying for no reason. The day definitely presented a myriad of emotion, but I had the easiest transition to a new school than ever before. I expected the seniors to see me as a clueless idiot, but I hardly saw them; they mainly gave advice, anyway. And a few days of orientation existed between then and the first day of school, so I felt a million times more relaxed when I had to navigate my schedule. All in all, although I had to meet my roommate, eat in an unfamiliar cafeteria, and leave everything I knew for many days, I never once felt extremely uncomfortable or lost.

Be strategic when packing but not too strategic. Find a way to contact your roommate in advance, but do not panic if you can not (I met my roommate on move-in day). Try not to feel too embarrassed or anxious; no one thinks you are weird or stupid, believe me (I have done so many stupid things…). Do not be afraid to ask questions or walk around. Missing your family will get easier, also. And do not feel discouraged if you do not make friends the first day…I made my first friend outside of my discipline in September. You will have a hundred questions, but know that you are not alone in your worries. Ask for help (if I am there, ask me for help, heck), and have hope! You are starting a two-year journey. Believe me when I say that you can not predict your journey.

---

Seniors:

Like I have said a million times, do not be afraid of the seniors. They have only been at MSA for one year, and most of them do not care how many bags you bring on move-in day, etc. I wanted to stay as far away from the seniors as possible because I thought they would treat us like reject freshmen. But, in actuality, I learned a lot from my seniors. They added a lot of life, and I will miss laughing at them. They also gave me hope during the first weeks; I felt discouraged, like I would never have any friends, but I saw how close they all were (especially the literaries). All in all, the seniors were one of my favorite aspects of my junior year. I actually ended up interacting with them more than expected, and I became friends with a few of them. In fact, my closest friend was a senior.

Please talk to the seniors. Yes, they will leave and make you sad, but your conversations with them will be worth it, without a doubt. Not only that, but they are great resources. If I did not talk to any seniors, I would have stupidly believed that walking outside was off-limits, and I would have been blind to the awesomeness of occasional ice cream.

---

Roommates & Suitemates…

If you know your roommate, awesome…same with suitemates. I knew neither…I am still alive, so have hope if you do not.

I had kind of a rare experience with roommates and suitemates. I had no suitemates for the first few weeks (rare), but then two people moved in from elsewhere. I knew one from the MSA summer camp, so I was happy about that. Then my roommate left, and then the other suitemate left. I ended up having my room all to myself and sharing a bathroom with only my summer camp friend. Needless to say…I had the best time ever.

You will most likely experience something entirely different.

Do not be afraid of your dorm people, though. I was terrified of them first, but living around so many people is manageable (even if you are an introvert). Do not hesitate to set boundaries; you will need them. And please make adjustments to accommodate each other. Do not be rude and turn all of the lights off at six p.m., please, if your roommate is studying. And do not invite people to your dorm when your roommate is sleeping. Be considerate (although not too amiable). All in all, do not be afraid of roommates or the people who share a bathroom with you. I promise everything will be okay, really (says the person who only had a roommate for two months…but seriously).

---

Confidence

MSA helped me break out of my shell (but not too much…I am still the same person) and gain more confidence. I actually had ask questions and talk to people. I was plagued with stress at first, but it helped me in the end.

Have hope. It will get easier; the campus will no longer feel so large and mysterious, and the people will no longer seem like strangers. Also, realize that you are not alone. I learned that it is okay to ask for help (thank you, everyone who walked with me to get something signed).

---

The First Few Weeks

I was afraid to speak in class, and I struggled to talk to my discipline. I wondered how I would ever share any of my writing with them (I had never done so with anyone before). I sat by myself for awhile and read. I never went anywhere. I went straight to my room after dinner and sat at my desk for hours, stressing over everything.

You may find yourself alone at first. You may wonder how you will ever make friends or share your art with your discipline. You may feel discouraged and stressed and overwhelmed.

But know this: Your discipline will become almost like a family. I am so grateful for my discipline, and I never thought that I would have seven friends given to me. Granted, we have our own friend groups, but there is no other group that I would rather share my work with. They are supportive and accepting, and they help you better your work (and your day).

Also know that this will all change! My year changed drastically after the first month. I went from reading a book during meals to having memorable conversations. The friend groups at MSA are not rigid, and you will not end up alone your entire year unless you choose to be.

Open your mind to possibilities. Resist being discouraged. And treat your beginning like any other but know that you are in a welcoming place.

---

Dorms

Living in a dorm is an experience like any other. I loved my dorm. At first, I had hardly any decorations, but I slowly made it my own. Next Wednesday, I have to move out all of my belongings, so I feel a little nostalgic. 

I recommend bringing at least one small plant. Plants add life and color to the room, and they helped me when I was adjusting to the atmosphere of MSA. I also recommend taco piñatas…they add a nice flavor of decor.

Keep your room neat, please, it will save you. Sweep it regularly, and I also recommend that you wipe down desks, knobs, and light switches every week to prevent the spread of germs.

MSA is a residential school, so you are surrounded by people more than usual. Your dorm should be a relaxing place where you feel comfortable, so I recommend you dedicate some focus to maintaining your dorm and keeping it a peaceful place.

---

Clubs

Yes, MSA has clubs. You can sign up for many, but make sure you will actually attend meetings (but once you join a club, do not worry—you can leave). You never know how your schedule will look for the rest of the year. But I will say that, for me, I felt stressed and mega booked at the beginning of the year; I almost did not join any clubs. Please do not join every club you see, but I highly recommend that you consider ones that interest you.

I signed up for a club that attended a animal shelter, and it helped me gain a few community service hours (plus, I was surrounded by kittens). I also signed up for an ensemble club and Artoberfest. Artoberfest is basically a haunted house put together by MSA. I am so glad that I joined because I had a lot of fun despite the work (and I earned a ton of hours). And my favorite club I joined was the second ensemble club, in which MSA kids with instruments can play music together. This club kept my interest in music alive (I am a previous school band member…flute and mallet player…and soon to be synthesizer artist, hah), and this club also gave me a lot of laughs and happiness. I have no idea if this means anything, but as far as I know, I will be co-captain of MSA’s third ensemble (2021-2022) which is awesome.

I almost joined zero clubs, but the ones I joined brought me a lot of fun and helped me find great friends, especially in the beginning when I barely left my dorm room.

---

Balance

When I started my junior year at MSA, I struggled with balance (despite being used to having busy schedules booked with practices, etc.). I felt like I had so much homework and would never have free time. But I ended up gaining some awesome time management skills. I learned how to study better and balance work with leisure.

Do not stress. You will learn balance. But until you do, I recommend prioritizing assignments. I promise that you will have time to talk to friends, especially on the weekend.

---

Go Outside

For some reason, I was unsure if going outside was allowed. Newsflash…it is. Please go outside. I did not during the first month, and I felt constricted. I love to eat meals outside, and it is so much more peaceful than the cafeteria. Going on walks are nice too, and so is ice cream beneath the sky. I did not stay many weekends, but whenever I did, I drank my morning coffee somewhere outside on campus. Play frisbee or your guitar, or have a picnic (and make flower bouquets). Take a phone call outside, pick flowers, cloud-watch, or stomp on leaves. I spent a lot of time outside during my junior year, and I always had a blast.

In conclusion, yes, go outside. It will help restore your sanity, and it is nice when you want to be alone or have (mostly) uninterrupted conversations. Occasionally I would write or work on assignments outside, and I also would spend some breaks eating oranges on a random bench.

---

Stay Organized

The title speaks for itself. This is so important. Try your best to keep your room clean, and make sure your schedule is balanced. Try to prepare yourself during the summer, weekends, and breaks. Go to bed early, try to wake up on time, and be on time to class. Keep your work organized and your plans, too (and brain).

---

Growth & Goals

Go into your year with an open mind, but have a discernible desire to grow. You never know what will happen, all of the time. You may randomly decide to play ukulele and start a knitting club. You may make friends for life and shave your eyebrows. Whatever happens, you will grow. It is your choice in what way and to what length. Seek to overcome every obstacle. Learn greater resiliency. Become more understanding. Strive to be a person not half-empty. Care about your work and the art you create. It is up to you.

---

Final Words

Dear incoming MSA juniors,

Believe in yourselves. Be humbled but also aware of your talents and ability. MSA is unquestionably a journey to remember, and you will grow so much. Do not be afraid, no matter what. Do not be afraid to go home on the weekends, but stay at least once; you will not regret it. Be open to possibilities, and accept some offers to hang out with people. The work may seem stressful at times, but you actually have more time than you think. Try to resist irritation and negative energies, and learn that this is a place where you do not have to wear a mask. Do not be afraid to tell people good morning and smile. And do not be afraid to tell people that you want to be alone. Never stop growing and believing in yourself.

MSA, by far, has been the best school that I have ever attended. I have had so many laughs, and, despite some moments, I have felt a lot of yellow emotions. I have met so many amazing people that I may or may not see again, and I have met people that I would gladly procrastinate essays for. MSA is the kind of place that makes you grow as a person and an artist, also; it has already helped me believe in my art so much more, and I now I have a greater passion for writing. Plus, Mrs. Sibley is an amazing teacher. I have learned so much from her, and I am gladly awaiting more. I began my first year at MSA confused and aimless, thinking of writing as a hopeless dream or a dramaticized hobby. Now that person feels so different.

How will you grow? What will you do? How will you react to adversity, and how will you encounter peace?

It is up to you now. This is your moment. And never, ever, forget where you came from.

Welcome. (:

Hello, welcome back to my Tears for Fears saga. Although the second edition covered my favorite albums, I have to finish the band’s history. So I present to you all the third and final Tears for Fears post.

I have a lot of upcoming sad and reflective blog posts, so enjoy my enthusiasm while you still can. (:

Anyway, hi, how are you? Day 390890 since I last saw the sun: must…write…cursed band blog. But, seriously, music has done a lot for me lately.

Important Note: I am not obsessed with Tears for Fears; I only spend a lot of time researching them randomly to procrastinate. Also, I think they are underrated. This blog will be shorter than part two and will include best song lyrics, etc.

---

In part two, I covered their first three albums:

• The Hurting
  • (1983)
  • Top Songs: “Mad World” and “Pale Shelter”
  • Criticized for being too depressing // moderate publicity
• Songs from the Big Chair
  • (1985)
  • Top Songs: “Shout”, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, and “Head Over Heels”
  • Worldwide fame and success // considered their most popular album
• The Seeds of Love
  • (1989)
  • Top Songs: “Sowing the Seeds of Love” and “Advice for the Young at Heart”
  • Less success // last album before band’s break-up

---

In-Between Era:

1991:

Tears for Fears split, Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal going their separate ways (neither of them solely deserve the blame; it was a collaboration of different reasons…like a manager’s bankruptcy and fraud…)

The falling out between Curt and Roland proved pretty ugly, though.

1992:

Roland Orzabal continued to operate under the name Tears for Fears (Curt technically left, f.y.i.) and released a single titled Laid So Low (Tears Roll Down). 

I find this song fairly catchy. It retains the earthy yet musical sound of The Seeds of Love yet promises something new. The lyrics obviously provide a glimpse into Roland’s mind after the band’s separation. The two had stayed friends since their teenage years, and now they refused to even talk to each other. All in all, I like the lyrics and the interesting textures.

1993:

Curt Smith moved to New York (Roland continuing to live in England). During this year, he decided to release a solo album titled Soul on Board. Needless to say, it did not gain much popularity, and it failed to be successful. Curt, however, continued with music and even formed a musical partnership (Mayfield) with a local songwriter and producer.

---

Elemental Era (1993):

Roland released the album Elemental, without Curt (obviously), in 1993. The album featured international hit “Break It Down Again” and another successful world tour.

Singles: “Cold”, “Elemental”, and “Goodnight Song”.

I have no idea what is happening in this video, but it makes me smile for two reasons. One: I find this song sort of uplifting and brilliant. Two: I can never take Roland seriously. Why are there so many videos of him standing in the middle of nowhere dancing poorly and singing? But his dance moves are definitely iconic. Anyway, I like this song. It has interesting rhythm and flavors. Also, you can notice a shift in Roland’s lyrics and his voice. This song has an overall interesting audio and lyrical story.

This is one of my favorite songs from Elemental. It has interesting textures, and it is an original take on a classic sound. It feels light and airy compared to the rest of the album. I like the guitar’s story, also; its sound adds even more flavor.

I uploaded this song because it has significant (and hilarious) meaning. Roland basically roasts Curt with every lyric.

• “With all your high class friends you think you’ve got it made
  The only thing you made was that tanned look on your face”
• “With all your cigarettes and fancy cars
  You ain’t a clue who or what you are”
  
• “You’re dreaming your life away
  Fish out of water”
• And my personal favorite: “Now in Neptune’s kitchen you will be food for killer whales”  (Neptune’s Kitchen is the name of Roland’s home studio)

However, Curt lashed back at Roland with another song, finding Roland’s “Fish Out of Water” hilarious. Perhaps “Sun King” was inspired by The Beatles, as they have a song by the same name.

Lyrical Highlights:

• “The evidence is on the page
  Not much to show for so much rage
  It makes me smile
  You lost it somehow”
• “A small imbalanced vain recluse
  You use the planets to excuse
  Your costumed smile
  Your childish abuse”

My thoughts? Ow…

They came a long way from this:

(My favorite Tears for Fears gif because of Roland’s bizarre dancing)

Overall, Elemental is probably my fourth favorite album. Roland had an interesting comeback. His lyrics became more bold, and his style of singing became more caustic, almost. But he continued to hold onto fame and impactful lyrics.

---

Raoul and the Kings of Spain Era (1995):

Roland, still working under the band’s name without Curt, released contemplative album Raoul and the Kings of Spain in 1995. The album was not particularly successful (when considering their other albums), but it landed in the top 40 in the UK. This album explored Latin influence and Roland’s own Spanish heritage. (Raoul was a name Roland’s parents considered naming him).

“Falling Down” is one of my favorites from this album. I like its simplicity, but it has a lot of seasoning. I also find the lyrics interesting…This song, overall, is quite cynical, and it reminds of falling rain.

Roland definitely veered from synth pop and gave a shot at rock. Raoul and the Kings of Spain is my least favorite TFF album, but its songs are catchy and not too entirely “eh”. With this song specifically, I find the lyrics and sound okay. Again, it has a cynical air to it (but this is Tears for Fears; they have always been cynical). I like the flow of this song, however. It is not static.

Overall, I listen to this album the least, but I would not call it horrible; that is only my taste in music. I like the older albums more because I like new wave music. Anyway, I commend Roland for producing this album so quickly and for not cheating fans of Tears for Fears with lazy lyrics and over-produced ideas. Instead of chasing money, he delved into an unusual side of music and wrote this album for himself. And, as a result, he kept the band alive and created something that I will definitely listen to.

---

2001:

This year, Roland released a solo album under his own name, Tomcats Screaming Outside. No, Tears for Fears was not dead, but Roland took a break from the guitar approach of the band to revisit a more electronic sound.

Actually, I listened to this album for the first time today, so that shows you its popularity. It had the luck of being released on September 11, 2001, so obviously that is part of the reason.

---

Everybody Loves a Happy Ending Era (2004): 

(2001) After not speaking to each other for nearly a decade (literally) paperwork obligations prompted Roland and Curt to break their silence and resume contact. Curt flew to England to have dinner with Roland and discuss a new album.

gasp.

After less than six months of recording, Everybody Loves a Happy Ending was released in 2004 by both Roland and Curt, their first album together since 1989’s The Seeds of Love. Tours followed.

What the heck is going on in this album cover? 

Although I am past understanding this band’s music videos, this is one of my favorites. Actually, this is one of my favorite songs by Tears for Fears in general. I love the lyrics, and I missed Curt’s voice. The guitar and the piano bring something nice, and I like how carefree and colorful this song is despite its lyrics, which carry some weight (and makes this song even more awesome).

I love this song. The guitar has such a nice swaying sound to it. And the harmonizing is pretty neat. All in all, I like to listen to this and feel at peace with the world. It is quite calming. And I like how it has its crescendos before returning to the same lilting state.

I like this song, also. It has a neat, uplifting sound, and I like the different textures.

All in all, I like this album quite a bit, and I am so glad that Curt and Roland decided to work together again. They definitely experimented with a lot of classic sounds and made them their own, and they experimented with new sounds in general. This album, like every other TFF album, has its own unique sound. It is definitely one of their most positive albums, so I enjoy its existence whenever I want to listen to something of its flavor. I give it a substantial rating.

---

What Next?

Tears for Fears have not released another album (as of 4/14/20), but Roland and Curt still play music together.

Random Fact: These guys went on tour with Spandau Ballet (2010) and also Hall & Oates (2017).

Spandau Ballet:

Hall & Oates:

2017:

Tears for Fears released a new song titled “I Love You But I’m Lost”. It explored a modern sound. I find it pretty catchy.

---

So, there you have it: the history of Tears for Fears—parts one, two, and three.

No one can say exactly when it all truly began, but it is reasonable to think that an album named The Hurting, released in 1983, started Tears for Fears’ journey in the music industry. Since then, mullets and synthesizers gave way to something else. Every album stands as a moment in time, unique and unalike any other. And although Tears for Fears will continue to be mainly remembered as an English 80’s duo of terrible dancing, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, and mullets paired with trench coats, I disagree. Tears for Fears is a product of constant growth and creative inspiration, hope within darkness, and a journey—one that began in Bath, England, before quickly escalating to stardom and right back again. So, although I laugh at their music videos and the faces they make while singing, I have such great respect for this band. They inspire me a great deal, and I love what they stand for.

---

I wish I could review all of their songs, but I will only leave a few of my favorite lyrics:

• “The Prisoner” (The Hurting) — the entire song
• “Start of the Breakdown” (The Hurting) — “We stand firm with our heads in our hands”
• “The Working Hour” (Songs from the Big Chair) — “We are paid by those who learn by our mistakes”
• “I Believe” (Songs from the Big Chair) — the entire song
• “Famous Last Words” (The Seeds of Love) — the entire song
• “Break It Down Again” — “And all the love and all the love in the world
  Won’t stop the rain from falling”
  
• “Bloodletting Go” (1996 compilation album) — “If I care for nothing
  Sun don’t shine and the grass don’t grow”
• “Closest Thing to Heaven” (Everybody Loves a Happy Ending) — “Look the world right in the eye
  Eat the countries that are making billions
  Sweet as homemade apple pie
  Save the crumbs for all the starving millions”

---

I might individually review songs by Tears for Fears in the future, someday, because I love so much about so many songs, and I love picking music apart.

---

I may have dumped way too many pictures and videos, but I wanted to create a source for myself to look back at during the future. I went beyond Wikipedia to create this, and I have watched so many interviews and documentaries that I wanted to share my knowledge. So if you ever need to complete a research project on Tears for Fears or just want to listen to some music, feel free to visit this collection of posts anytime. Again, I am not obsessed, but I can name fifty Tears for Fears songs off the top of my head (sadly not joking), and I have a fairly detailed understanding of their history; I guess that is something to add to my resume, haha.

All in all, I rate this band a 10000/10. I know they will never read this, but I would like to thank them for helping me get through three-hour car rides, math homework, grey days, cleaning nights, and quarantine. And I love how you can relate to their lyrics so much, anytime. For instance: “Mothers Talk” (Songs from the Big Chair) “Wake me up when things get started
When everything starts to happen” … is literally how I feel right now.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Besides the fact that I know way too much about an English band that peaked in the 80s, I want everyone to know that the sun still rises and sets everyday. Continue to have hope and believe in yourselves because there will be an end to all of this. Also, your favorite food and music exists.

---

Time for sad blogs…

peace

Hello, my fellow bored human persons. (;

I have a lot of blog posts planned…so consider yourself warned. But, first, I want to call your attention to a pressing matter in our current reality. Before I reveal my jaw-dropping topic, however, I want to check in on everyone. Hello, how are you? Personally, I stand somewhere between stress and apathy, but I have hope that this will all end…sometime. I want fast food. I want to wander through Dirt Cheap. I want to drink overpriced coffee in a bookstore as I browse the shelves and stare longingly at ten-dollar novelty socks. Well, that made me sad. Anyway…

Oh, yes, my pressing topic: food. In this blog post, I am reviewing food. I would recommend leaving to preserve your sanity, but why not stay and torture yourself? Take me seriously when I say that I have crossed a line. Hearts will be broken, and stomachs will feel empty. Do not say that I failed to warn you.

And so we begin…

dun dun dun

---

Hm, what should I—a certified food judging person—review first?

Yes.

---

Pizza

(Viewer Discretion Advised: A whole lot of people are about to be offended.)

Why did I start with pizza? Well, it obviously has nothing to do with it being literally everywhere in America despite being Italian. Oh, what should we serve at a birthday party? Pizza. Class parties? Pizza. Get-togethers? Pizza. Probably even wedding receptions? Pizza.

Why? When did American society conspire together to agree upon this? I need answers.

I mean, sure, pizza is a pretty easy solution to the crisis of what food to serve a hungry, obnoxious crowd of extremely picky and unsatisfied people, but come on! Every single gathering?

Some pizza tastes golden, especially with soda. You have stuffed crust pizza, pizza that costs more than five dollars, different styles of pizza, supreme pizza, thin crust pizza, and pizza with topics other than pepperoni.

But the rest of pizza? The pizza that everyone buys in bulk for parties because of affordability? I have had so much of it that I am convinced that “hot and ready” refers only to the fire that consumes my hopes and dreams when I eat slices of pizza the temperature of desolation and despair. My taste buds have all died from the taste of cooked, stale, cardboard bread and desecrated tomatoes that have surrendered golden opportunities to have themselves massacred and squashed into the cardboard.

Dear, pizza, I apologize. I love you sometimes; you surprise me. But I despise eating you day after day out of frozen pizza boxes and “hot and ready” lies from a mockery of a Roman emperor.

To everyone deciding that I am an enemy, I eat pizza; I am not a snob. But my #tragic backstory featured so much pizza that I am desensitized to its deliciousness. Call me a coward, but, yes, I guess I have fallen asleep to the wondrous taste of pizza.

I would apologize, but the damage has already been done.

Rating: a black hole of sadness and despair

---

Tacos

Hate me all you want, but I pity those that fail to see the undeniable beauty of tacos.

Thank you, creators of the lovely taco, I owe you all of my respect and acknowledgement.

(Tacos are better than pizza; sorry Italians.)

Although I am not of Hispanic heritage and blessed with the beautiful traditions of creating tacos, I know a thing or two about the essence of the taco.

Commercialized Tacos (Taco B*ll): 4/10…pretty good—especially for quantity over quality.

Normal Restaurants in America: 6.788800999/10

Fancy Restaurants in America: 10/10

Homemade Tacos Made by Clueless Americans: 10/10 (A+ for love, dedication, and doing whatever you want.

Guacamole, I love you. No, not you, store-bought guacamole. I mean the guacamole with the colors and flavors of life itself. I mean the guacamole with cilantro and citrus and avocados squashed with care. I love you with all of my heart.

Dear salsa, I love you too.

Dear tacos in general, you are my one, true love. I would sacrifice eating chicken nuggets for you.

Here is a love poem I wrote (it is an excerpt from a vignette titled “Love and Its Flavors):

 

On a blue plastic plate sits 

The reason for my heartbeat:

A crunchy corn shell 

Glimmering gold,

Encompassing an expanse

Of savory goodness. 

Ground beef,

A product of thirty minutes

Spent crumbling a

Cold slab of meat,

Glows with a tantalizing

Orange that owes its

Existence to a sauce packet.

Above this foundation of 

Flavor, a medley of crisp

Lettuce and tomatoes 

Contrast the saturated 

Protein, and all of the 

Colors and textures of

Salsa and guacamole dance

Beneath melted cheese.

 

This is a description of a basic taco, but keep in mind that I am not a taco amateur.

That aside, I have finished my appraisal of the existence of the taco.

Rating: what heaven tastes like

---

Spaghetti

Not that I have pizza out of the way, I do not have anymore vehement words. But since I am a critic of prestige, I will venture into grey waters.

Oh, spaghetti. I am not sure how to feel about you. You are not my favorite pasta, but you surprise me sometimes. However, I am saddened when you take the form of merely noodles and tomato sauce. You need flavor and variety.

But most of all, I dislike chicken spaghetti. I am sure that an acceptable versions exist, but I have had some chicken spaghetti that had the taste and consistency of my eighth grade poetry. Blah.

Spaghetti, I accept you, especially when you are made with care. But I love tortellini.

Rating: a hearty thumbs up

---

Potatoes

Every other food can go ahead and leave; we all know the true winner.

The best vegetable in the entire world: the potato. I mean, come on—baked potatoes, fries, mashed potatoes, you name it. Wow.

I love potatoes with all of my heart. If I could serenade one vegetable, it would be a potato. Because it is so modest and simple yet filled with so much opportunity.

I love mashed potatoes (gravy? sure).

I love baked potatoes, wow (unless I have only a meek plastic fork).

And most of all…I love french fries. Oh, thinking of fries makes my heart burst. I have not had a good fry in so long, so I believe that I am suffering from the side effects (heavy eyes, overcast spirit, blah blah blah).

But, yes, I love the potato.

Rating: a heart

---

Honorable Mentions for “Eh” Food:

• Sloppy Joe’s (whatever the heck that monstrosity is)
• Repetitive chicken sandwiches (you know it)
• French fries that taste like twigs
• Really sad fast food burgers (not naming any names…)
• Leftovers when you have absolutely nothing in the refrigerator
• Some box dinners
• Really dry or burnt abominations

Honorable Mentions for “Thumbs Up” Food:

• Sushi
• Nachos
• Certain casseroles
• Key lime pie
• Lemon bars
• Reese’s
• Sherbet
• Cookies
• Lasagna
• Certain soups

Okay, that could continue forever, so I will go ahead and stop.

---

So, I hope you enjoyed reading my incredibly biased ratings. I may or may not have another one of these, but I have a lot planned; we shall see.

In the mean time, I hope everyone is well and not too hungry.

When I am out of quarantine, I will savor every second spent eating in restaurants and buying groceries. I will never complain about L*ttle Caes*rs again because at least it is from the outside world, and that is a privilege in itself.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Legend has it that the dreaded part three to a band blog lies on the horizon…(evil laughter cued)

Wash your hands or something…whatever the cool kids say these days (in case you did not already know to wash your hands).

peace out

Hello, welcome back to my blog. I hope your day has been awesome with a side of fries…and a milkshake…and—

Okay, I will not tantalize you with anymore thoughts of food. Anyway, I hope everyone is well and has something other than canned green beans to eat. And…there I go again.

Well, in this blog, instead of describing food (even though I am not opposed to the idea), I will be describing pictures in my camera roll. Bear with me…It will make some sense, I hope.

---

To me, this image conveys beauty darkened by anticipation. The glow of the lights are warm and soft and inviting, but clouds have taken over the sky, threatening rain. Time feels still and uncertain. But this scene feels so whole and rich.

---

I like looking at this picture. It feels light and crisp yet warm. I like the pop of red and green in the structured shades of grey. Life blooms out of a concrete pot; I love that. It feels sort of daring and intentional. I am continuously compelled to stop and stare.

---

When looking at this image, I feel contained. I feel heaviness. Yet the open lies in reach. I am not too entirely sure how to move through this sheet of linked chain, but I know that I will be stepping through a waterfall of liquid metal into the sun.

---

Interesting. If I had to assign this picture one word, it would be lateral. I love the blue and gold coloring. And this feels so urban. Although a palm tree grows, it seems trapped and forced to conform to the nature of the area. And no leaves are too be seen. Overall, this image feels colorful and sort of appealing (so many shapes!), but it is missing something, some kind of depth.

---

I love this picture. It feels so exuberant and fresh and lively. It possesses a certain youthfulness, and it feels whole to me. But I think an edge hides somewhere…It feels slightly off.

---

I like the way this image feels. It communicates the laid-back yet disoriented feeling of waking up in a hotel room. Sunlight slides through the blinds as you stretch, your back stiff from sleeping on a sagging mattress with creaking coils (the pull-out couch life). Outside is too bright, so you roll over and cover your head, having no conception of time. I feel warm but not too entirely comfortable.

---

Confusion. Fear. Isolation. An increasing sense of dread as the light is perpetually obscured. Trapped and smothering.

---

I only took this picture to capture an important internal moment in my life, and it communicates how I felt quite well: drab, coarse, soggy, and barren. That describes the desert of pine needles, especially. But across the lake lies so much more: trees, a different shore, and the sky. A pool of reflection stands as a bridge in need of crossing. Overall, this image feels hopeful despite its hollowness. It also feels so cold. I sat in a swing with a Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand at this moment.

---

This feels like decades ago, wow. I took this picture back in February while sitting on a school bus. It feels so nonchalant and austere. But I know that morning felt full of promise and oranges (and Taco Bell).

---

About 7:45 in the morning. I barely finished my coffee, and my backpack is heavy with the weight of math problems. I wait for the elevator on the sixth floor (of the dorm at MSA), and I play with the shadows brought by a new sun. Looking at this picture brings me a lot of nostalgia. Actually, it has such a nostalgic feel anyway. It is warm yet lost in memory, and I have no idea how to feel.

---

When I captured this moment, I felt exhausted and prepared for a late night, ACT prep books in hand. But now I look back at this image and feel nostalgic for these halls (even though all of my classes are on the second floor…). It feels so barren and haunted. It has such a hazy appearance that I want to check my watch and question its veracity. Also, all I can see is the EXIT sign in the distance.

---

Wednesday, 6:55 a.m., I awoke to a lovely pink sunrise. I left my room to step into the sleeping hall, wrapped in a blanket like a tortilla. And I took this picture from a large window near the elevator. It communicates such warmth and promise and hopefulness. The sky has me deciding between sleeping forever and running to math class, and I can only describe it as lovely. One of my favorite mornings and pictures.

---

Walking late one winter night. I love this picture of the SLC. The sky and the air seem extraordinarily cold, but warmth and light pour from the windows. It beckons you to come closer with your red nose and numb face.

---

On my way to the cafeteria for dinner, but stopping to absorb the sunset. I love this type of window and how it manipulates what lies on the other side of the glass. Again, I feel a lot of nostalgia. This image feels frozen in time. I feel as if I am dreaming. But it radiates content, so I like that. I want to go back to this. It feel light and calm.

---

During my off-block, the sun usually began to set (winter). One day I went into the hallway on my floor of the dorm and left with a few pictures. I like this image because the cinder blocks seem melted. And then I start thinking about vanilla cake and banana pudding. Anyway, I love how particular this image is. It is so vague and without any answers, and that is how I wanted it to feel. I miss this: strolling down an empty hall with an orange in hand, at peace for a moment as the school day came to an end. This image make me feel distracted and lost yet warm.

---

Thank you for viewing my blog, and I appreciate everyone’s time. I hope you all have an orange day and eat lots of tacos. And about the title…I will leave its reason up for you to interpret.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Check your plants for mealy bugs! They are a common pest that will infest your plants and make you sad. If you see any evidence of them, isolate the plant(s) and do a little research on how to get rid of the malicious fiends.

Take care. (:

peace

It has been ten thousand years…just kidding, but enough time has passed that I am typing my March blog right after February’s. Okay, okay, I know that March is not over yet, but I have no motivation to type anything else, currently. And, surprise: not because I am lazy but because I have a special blog in the works…All I can say is that I should have posted it months ago. And my other excuse for not finishing out the month is that I doubt anything extraordinary will occur between now and then.

If a meteor falls from the sky, you know who to blame.

Anyway, I now present you with my version of the fiasco also known as March, 2020.

---

I began the month very much in need of a break, but to be honest, I think that is how everyone felt. Exams definitely caused a bit of a stress, and I felt half-dead—I overslept nearly everyday, and I wore sweat pants, for the first time, to school (only one day, but still). Other than that, I enjoyed the first week of March, and I felt okay to leave for spring break.

I remember packing my bag with only a few of my belongings, leaving all of my school work. And I also remember inhaling one last glimpse of my room before leaving for what I expected to be a week. Then I left my heavily watered plants and prepared for spring break, no doubt in my mind that I would soon return.

I spent the majority of the break out of Mississippi. I enjoyed it, for sure, but I remember feeling a little irritated about not having a week to lounge around and begin projects I was considering. Oh, yeah, that is something important to mention for later: I had so many ideas for the summer, and I could not wait to begin. But then, sometime around Thursday, everything changed.

I remember hearing that Mississippi had its first case of the Coronavirus. I remember hearing that even Disney World was shutting down and that, when we returned to school Sunday, a few changes would be made to help combat contamination, etc. And then it got worse.

So, first MSA announced an extended break, and then it became online classes the week after that. And then…distance learning until April 17 (at least).

My last few blogs have consisted of me rambling about how sad I felt about school ending in May, and I have complained about feeling stressed, tired, and overwhelmed. Well, a virus said psych and threw everything out of a window. Those nine weeks that I wanted to savor? I have no definite answer when I will even return to MSA. And that break? Oh, I got it.

oops, pessimism

I spent the “extended spring break” week absolutely squandering my time. But, as an excuse, I will say that I reacted to the news fairly well. I do not want to delve into the topic that has arrested the media, but our current global situation is not the best, so I feel like some weeks deserve to be spent being a hapless blob. When I heard that it would be at least another four weeks before I could return to MSA, I had no idea what to do. I became pessimistic and afraid of how quickly everything was escalating, and I allowed myself to sink into a state of “until”. But I tried to learn how to adapt, and after feeling cluttered and smothered, I cleaned my room and squeezed in a makeshift desk (and now I feel a lot better).

Friday, I was able to return briefly to my dorm room and retrieve belongings, and that helped a lot, also. I saw (and nearly saw) a few people that I missed a great deal, and I appreciated being able to grab important items (like all of my school work…). It proved to be quite the odd experience. For the first time, ever, I stepped onto an entirely vacant floor. The only light entered the hall from the large windows. I remember standing there, staring out of the window that I always loved to look out of. And that is now such a bittersweet memory because the ginkgos had light green leaves, and the crepe myrtles were experiencing growth as well. Spring is my second favorite season, and seeing the trees—that have been bare for so long—with leaves that I have missed dug into me a little bit. And I remember unlocking my door with the key that always annoyed me, clattering incessantly against my badge. And I remember stepping into my room for the first time in two weeks, looking around to see it just as I left it: scrawls on my calendar about events (now canceled, R.I.P.), my drawer full of novelty socks, and my unplugged lamp with its birthday hat that I kept from a coffee house. I loaded up my plants, my books, and my plastic dinosaurs, and then I left.

Sometimes I feel a tad dramatic, but MSA has meant a lot to me. It truly has felt like a home and one I had to build, at that. And although I got the break I wanted, for awhile I lost focus on projects and began to spend a lot of time missing my usual routine. I usually have a lot of gratitude on a daily basis, but I began to appreciate even what bothered me. Everything feels so convoluted, and I miss driving back to MSA after the weekend, getting coffee and fast food and seeing everyone. This has been the longest amount of time I have been away from MSA, and it feels so weird.

This week, I feel completely better, however. Having assignments has returned a sense of normalcy, and I have missed my discipline work immensely. I also appreciate having all of my plants with me, and now I feel significantly less isolated and afraid in general.

It is so weird to type this blog at home. Usually I am in my dorm eating popcorn or something. A lot has changed, and the change has proved difficult at times. But I encourage everyone to remain optimistic and hopeful. Life will regain balance. I hope all of you can adapt and find peace, and gratitude is important. Also, focus on the present, please. If you live life with an “until” outlook, you will waste the present. As much as you like it or not, this is reality now. Reminiscing and taking lazy days are both fine until it gets to the point that you are utterly useless for weeks.

I know that life has been turned upside down, lately, but a lot of good exists if you search for it. I have a blog coming soon about tips on staying sane, so feel free to read that if you need a reminder that the world is not ending.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Everything will be okay.

I miss all of you and hope you are well. Try not to become stirred into the overwhelming confusion and chaos as best as you can. Until next time, peace out. (:

Hello, everyone! I hope that all of you will have a day without grey clouds and soggy fried chicken.

For my blog post this week, I have the newest addition to my month series. February transpired in an odd fashion, as sporadic and busy as the weather, but I want the month to return, now. Do not tell me that it is March; I will not believe you. Anyway, since this month taught me a lot, I will focus more on sharing advice in this post than on description.

I hope you enjoy. (:

---

• Resist Becoming Too Immersed in One World
  • Living in more than one place proves quite difficult. You end up projecting a tremendous amount of focus on building one world while neglecting the other. And, worst of all, sometimes you fail to live in the world you currently reside; you fall through the present and dream of your other world that lies among the stars.
  • MSA and my house both equal the word home. However, at MSA, I have the tendency to yearn to be with my pets and my family watching movies, sleeping in, and cooking and eating tacos. And at my house, I have the tendency to yearn to be in my literary classroom drinking coffee, in the cafeteria eating loaded baked potato soup, in my room listening to music and writing, and outside walking and picking dandelions.
  • Every world deserves to be savored with you standing in its soil. Feel free to dream a little when distant, but remain present and appreciative of your current surroundings before you leave and become homesick.

 

• Adapt to Stress; Remain Resilient
  • Everyone loves stress interrupting their carefully woven routine, right? You wake up at a certain time, brush your teeth at a certain time, and dance to A Flock of Seagulls at a certain time, but wait—a stressor falls from the sky and ruins everything…no more A Flock of Seagulls. Before you know it, you have a hood pulled over your bitter eyes as you kick innocent flowers and mumble about your hatred towards said stressor.
  • I always anticipate January to be a busy month, but February surprised me beyond belief. The first half of the month, I could hardly breathe. For unstated reasons, a major stressor sliced two hours off of my free time. To compensate for lost time, I stayed up late and ate a lot of chips and salsa. The stress drained my optimism, and at times I only wanted to sleep or watch The Dark Knight. Thankfully, the stress has dissipated.
  • Resist becoming discouraged. Escaping hopelessness is like climbing out of a sandy pit, but the act is possible. Attack stress with an optimistic, resilient spirit and find ways to alleviate some suffering. For instance, I split my off-block into time for homework and time for recovering sleep. Also, I brought snacks with me to obligations I dreaded immensely. And I did not cut out moments of my day that I looked forward too (calling my mom, journaling, and walking).

 

• Take Care of Yourself
  • That brings me to my next topic: Please take care of yourself. When you have a lot of deadlines to meet and expectations to fulfill, transforming into a robot seems appealing, but trust me—you will be making a huge mistake.
  • This month, I considered going without talking to people that made me happy, wanting to spend every milligram of my time on assignments instead. However, I did not, and I am glad because I managed to do more than survive: I reached deadlines to the best of my ability, and I did not feel like a toiling machine.
  • Remember that priorities include your well-being. Feel free to take a day off; I promise that you will accomplish more the next day. Section your time off reasonably. For instance, instead of giving yourself three straight hours to complete homework, finish one assignment and take a designated break to avoid excessively frittering your time away. Also, surround yourself with what you need and want. Listen to music and eat an orange and make sure to sleep. Never fall asleep in the process of chasing contentment; living is not surviving alone.

 

• Positive Energy
• Does everything feel grey and cloudy? Does everyone seem trapped in a bad mood? Do you feel overwhelmingly pessimistic and discouraged?
• My least favorite color of the sky is grey. I hate grey. And February had rain every week, so it proved a challenge to resist feeling a little grey and rainy myself. I found myself absorbing the negative emotions of my peers, and it lessened my optimism towards stress. However, surrounding myself with people of good, positive energy helped combat this, and I felt inclined to spread a little orange as well. It flipped days destined to drag me down into sunny ones.
• Spend less time and effort on the people furthest from you; protect your energy reserves. Instead, spend more time on creative projects, enjoyable downtime, and amazing people (do not neglect assignments, obligations, and deadlines however…sorry). And if no positivity is to be found, provide it. Wear your favorite colors and be kind; do not withhold your compliments. You matter—remember that. So leave more of an impact on the world through your daily actions. I guarantee that life will have more color and meaning if you live more in the present.

---

Dear February,

I appreciate you throwing the ACT at me.

On a more serious note, a lot of beautiful moments occurred despite the overwhelming amount of stress in the beginning:

• Coffee
• Workshopping a play about surfer dudes
• Blogging about music
• Listening to music (especially The Cure)
• Receiving gifts (thank you so, so much—especially you, Maleigh  🙂  )
• Somehow surviving two weeks of no sleep and no time
• Eating tacos at home
• Cooking and listening to New Order and Tears for Fears with my dad
• Begging for a synthesizer (and offering to pay half…to no avail—unless..?)
• The miniscule amount of time I have with my mom
• Drinking tea while working on homework
• Poetry Out Loud field trips with our superstar Morgan (plus Taco Bell)
• Lunch and dinner with epic people and conversations
• Making flower bouquets during my off-block
• Making a chapbook
• Writing poetry
• Kicking things found in the grass

Inside jokes that I have enjoyed:

• Diabolical villains that steal showers
• Skelebones
• Dry chicken
• Taco Tuesday
• Dabbing
• “fisten to evaporate”
• “I know you love me…I know you care”
• Tony Pepperoni
• “The gatekeeper”
• “Make your mama happy!”
• Rudolph
• What the heck desktops
• Happy Birthday
• sleep
• Ye olde bones
• Smiley faces
• Dandelions
• R.I.P. pinecone

Okay…I am done.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Chapbooks are awesome to create and assemble. Grouping poems of similar themes and tones increases your understanding of your work, and creating a collection of your art feels amazing. Make sure, however, that you have the time and the resources.  😥

Peace

Although I check every day off of my calendar, I have no concept of time (ask anyone that knows me). For instance, I am aware of March’s close proximity, but, for some reason, nothing registers. Until it hits me all at once, of course. I will be ordering at Taco Bell, and then I will suddenly realize that I have less than eleven weeks of school left. It is quite a challenge to enjoy your supreme nachos when your head feels destroyed by this one flashing word: Panic! (:

Yes, I will no longer be a junior in eleven weeks. Whenever time moves too slow, I am reminded of the days that remain, and let me tell you something: it sucks. Although I know that next year will bring more memories and happiness, a lot will change. For starters, goodbye, seniors. I think about that often, and it makes my nachos taste like sadness. The seniors are half of MSA, and it does not help one bit that I appreciate them as much as I do. It does not help that I am close friends with a few of them, either. However, whenever I think of the seniors leaving and of next year, I end up feeling optimistic despite the losses. I am excited to have a lovely roommate to take care of plants and listen to records with; I am excited to experience more coffee houses and other events; I am excited to actually know what the heck I am doing; I am excited to focus on writing and submissions and competitions more seriously; I am excited to see the upcoming juniors and possibly make friends (!); and I am excited to make more memories with the amazing friends that I have now. So, in conclusion, although I find myself dreading May, the month presents the beginning of an entirely new chapter. Although I will end my second-to-last year of high school and everything will change, I get to meet the upcoming juniors. Time overwhelms me, but I have to remember to count the weeks differently.

Still, eleven weeks is no time at all. Eleven weeks ago, we were in December.

Anyway, crisis aside…

I auditioned for MSA almost a year ago. Has it really been a year?

Recently, nostalgia will not leave me alone. I will be in the process of taking a math test, but then random memories slam into my brain, squeezing their way past the numbers and into my focus. To keep it brief, I have a lot of nostalgia, and I miss the weather of first semester. But on the other hand, so many amazing things have happened, and I am unquestionably happier now. It is honestly amazing to look back and realize how much has changed. For instance, I used to spend hours in my room doing homework and feeling stressed, but now I spend a lot of time outside. To certain people, I used to struggle saying hello to them, but now we talk all of the time. I once felt like an island, but now I feel so appreciated. And I love how we have all changed so much—in appearance and in spirit. Everyone has grown into themselves, I believe.

---

Random Interjection:

I planned on describing my experience of getting into MSA in this post, but it crossed 1000 words (plus, it has been a long day…). Plan on seeing it soon. I apologize for delaying its release, but it would not include any audition secrets anyway; you have to experience that yourself (diabolical laughter cued).

---

Dear auditioning sophmores,

You got this.

Last year, when I was in your shoes, I walked into the day without coffee and any belief in myself. I cowered next to my mom and felt incredibly inferior to every other person auditioning. And when we left, I looked around for a long time in silence, convinced that I would never set a foot on the campus again.

Fast forward to right now: I am a junior at MSA, I see the campus every day, and I no longer consider myself a mediocre artist. I wake up with a purpose, and I actually enjoy school. I love this place: everything from the fish sticks (the color of how ACT test prep makes me feel) and the apocalyptic sky (at night when it is cloudy). I have tremendous appreciation for everyone I have met here: the literaries, my teachers, my visual friends, and the people that randomly smile and say hello to me. I love eating outside and walking in circles and seeing squirrels. I love spinning in rolley chairs and seeing the literaries every day, and I love coffee house. And I will always remember making flower bouquets and sitting on the sidewalk during fourth block; I will always remember sitting in rocking chairs and complaining about “ye olde bones”. Some days stress can cloud your lungs and restrict your breathing, but there are more days spent running in the wind with your hair in your face, days spent spinning and making jazz hands at someone through a window.

So, sophmores, believe in yourself.

A year ago, I was trapped in an entirely different place than where I live now; I felt apathetic and pessimistic, and I questioned my merit.

You are amazing; you are your own person, and you got this.

Getting accepted into MSA altered my life because I left the unhealthy environment of my old school and found something new. I found teachers that helped me believe in myself; I found people that helped me feel free to be me; I found a myriad of reasons to change my life for the better. I made real friends and awesome memories: running down the hallway into a hug that knocked me off of my feet and spun me around, dropping my fries on the sidewalk and collapsing into a dramatic monologue, being gifted three tacos, tripping up stairs while running to class, hilarious impressions and expressions, landing in random but philosophical conversations, discussing the weather (seriously…very important), throwing leaves and drop kicking a plastic cicada, laughing over 80’s music videos, walking in the rain, discussing endless ideas and stories, playing a broken flute with a Sonic salt packet holding open a key, walking dramatically slow to homework, and endless dabbing and peace signs and jazz hands.

If you do not believe in yourself, look at me. I walked into auditions almost a different person than I am now. Because, over the course of the year, I have learned to accept orange and yellow despite the grey. I have learned to search for peace and keep hope alive, and I have learned that it is okay to be kind.

I did not even believe in myself, but look where I am now; I feel the most comfortable at a school than I have ever felt.

Have no fear. (:

Sincerely,

un perdedor

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

You are crazy talented and amazing, and you can do anything. Also, everything always works out in the end, so remember that and resist giving up. You only fail when you stop trying.

I see that I have drawn your attention with my ambiguous and enticing title…

Music does equal danger. Why? One word: obsession. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Like any other human being, I am capable of having obsessions. Some last for a few days, and others last for years.

---

A list of some of my obsessions:

• novelty socks (cough…I have a drawer full of maybe fifty pairs)
• novelty pillows:              
• novelty anything, really:            
• tacos (this has been going on for years, but now I even have a taco piñata in my dorm)
• dinosaurs (since birth, probably)
• synthesizers
• and finally…music (woah, really?)
  

  ---

  Restating my title, music equals danger, and here is why:

• I see people all the time walking around with earbuds/headphones/airpods. Some never take them off; they probably sleep with them in/on. I used to criticize them in my head because they are never aware of anything. But, one week, I walked to class with my headphones on, and I understood. Note: once you start; you never go back. I got out while I still could, though.
• Do not even get me started about listening to the same song on repeat for an hour. No.
• Spending hundreds, even thousands, to hear music performed live.
• Selling your kidneys for rare records.
• Probably crying because your favorite band broke up.
• Buying 10+ shirts from one band.
• Centering your life around a singer or a band.
• Spending more time listening to music than interacting with the world.
• Becoming irritated at people initiating conversation; they are distracting you from listening to your favorite album.
• Memorizing lyrics more readily than math equations.
• Researching everything about a band and typing a blog post that you will regret.

---

I spent my entire Christmas break researching synthesizers (and Tears for Fears) like an idiot. How did this happen? Well, once upon a time…

I heard a song on the radio that had a nice beat. I looked up “synth riffs” to find it. In short, I never found the song (I forgot all about it), but I did find a newfound interest: synthesizers. I started with covers, and then I moved on from there. And after many articles and tutorials, I decided that I needed one.

The Novation MiniNova:

I would love to have this. It costs nearly four hundred dollars, but that is reasonable for a nice synthesizer. I know that people recommend the Korg Microkorg more, but this one makes more sense to me (plus it does not have the blocky text matrix of the Microkorg). One day I will be able to have one of these in my possession… I know that synthesizers are not instruments for beginners, but I have played a few instruments in my life (I am practically Mozart…totally). Anyway, I will keep you guys updated. Although I am unsure about when I will get a synthesizer, I do know that I will not come out of my room for weeks.

Beautiful but painfully expensive synths:

(Unintentionally, these are all by Roland (a popular brand))

   (one of the most expensive)

When I actually know what the heck I am doing, I might aim to have one of these in my possession (perhaps in at least a decade or so).

Some cool videos:

---

Yes, music equals danger because you end up blogging about synthesizers; you end up wanting to spend all of your savings on a box of wires and buttons despite barely knowing the difference between a sawtooth wave and a sine wave. You scare everyone away because they think you only listen to two British guys with mullets.

Anyway…

(Side note: Why do people fight over music so much? Music critics are already brutal, but everyday people love to fiercely argue their point about random sounds.)

---

A few songs with awesome synth worth mentioning:

(or, rather, songs I like that are currently on my mind)

(Disclaimer: I am sorry if you disagree with any of these songs or find them offensive. Also, these songs are not my favorites nor are they in my top ten. I only wanted to share interesting pieces of music that deserve recognition.)

---

In conclusion, I believe that music is dangerous. For example, my life has become a vacuum of synth riffs, mullets, and music from forty years ago. Once absorbed into this black hole, you will never look at the girl who listens to “Don’t Stop Believing” on repeat the same again. You will hate how the radio plays the same four songs by Tears for Fears. You will hear an 80’s movie playing and know nearly every song. This is the price of happiness.

---

One of the most influential new wave albums (I love):

New Order = absolutely amazing synth. (If you need more synthesizers in your life, listen to them.)

---

Be aware that I am leaving out so many amazing musicians and their music. This blog does not mean to examine the most influential songs or the best. I only wanted to discuss the addictive nature of music and how it affects me.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Broccoli with flowers:

Peace out.

life is a blob

---

Life is a blob. It is an amalgamation of many different definitions and reasons and questions. And the blob changes continuously for each individual, a metamorphosis without clear stages. The blob will digest you slowly, suffocating you, or the blob will meet your feet like a buoyant trampoline. Sometimes we become lost in the blob, and it morphs into something hideous and terrifying; it adopts the same consistency as bubble gum. And sometimes we allow it to become something grotesque; we allow it to swallow us whole, apathy and all.

How can a blob have any beauty?

How can a blob “blobbier” than a blobfish have any beauty?

I appreciate the blob, even despite its mess. I appreciate all of its colors and textures and emotion. I think that the blob is beautiful (although not as beautiful as a blobfish).

I know that saying this alludes to me loving the blob, but I do not, in fact, love the blob. I do believe, however, that the blog deserves care and respect.

---

reasons to respect the blob

---

• Tacos
• Coffee
• Dinosaurs
• Cats
• Dogs
• Plants
• Jurassic Park
• Batman
• Sleep
• Blue
• Orange
• Green
• Food
• Writing
• Art
• fam (hah)
• Music (…)
• Reese’s
• Some people

---

random rant

---

Why do we expect life to be linear? Perfect lines do not exist in nature. I feel that it is important to not fight the currents of effect; I feel that it is important to trust the waters of existence, to allow yourself to be shaped by the waves.

Have a little faith in chance and find comfort in the fact that we can not control where we end up.

---

some of my reasons (just…reasons)

---

• Coffee
  • Seven in the morning: in front of my window, watching the sky (drained of color); running down flights of stairs or slouching in the elevator; always in a hurry.
  • Nearing noon: discombobulated but rested; cartoons from the living room; voices; lazy, lazy, lazy; whipped cream and chocolate syrup; never warm because I oversleep. (thank you  🙂 )
  • Ten in the morning: rocking chairs; cold air but warm sun; distant passing vehicles; still; peace.
  • Whenever o’clock: coffee house?; fourth block?; lit. classes?; either a half-hearted attempt to stay awake or indulgence taking over.
• Oranges peeled on the way to class.
• Desk dinos
• Gifts
  • Coffee
  • Words
  • Compliments
  • Understanding
  • Tacos
  • A dinosaur door sign
  • Reese’s
  • Time
• Music
  • Laughable music videos
  • An amazing range of sound
  • LyRicS
  • s y n t h e s i z e r s
  • Making fun of your music taste out of shame
  • Tears for Fears
  • A broken, despairing flute
• Taco pillows
• Tortilla blankets
• Depression fries
• Dandelions
• Eating outside
• Cactus coffee cup
• Writing stuff
• Time

---

oh no…random spill

---

Please do not stress; write everything down and take it one step at a time. Eat while studying so that you can convince yourself that you are happy. Open your eyes every once in awhile; do not be afraid. Doubt will never be a stranger, so remember your accomplishments. Take your microwaved tacos down the stairs with you; never throw them away. Try not to ruin the mood of others because of something temporary; you will regret it. Do not say good bye when leaving; say you will see them later. Feel free to take two cupcakes. Feel free to stretch across a bench and stare up into the branches of a tree. Collect all of the dandelions you want, but never throw them away. You have time; you have time; you have time. Live intentionally; do not be afraid of living the life of a dreamer. Take risks with your art, and do not fall prey to barriers. Feel free to dance like a car dealership balloon, and do not forget how momentous the little things in life are. Draw all over your arm and wear that hideous 90’s shirt and know that courage is not completely without fear.

---

Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

February = stress (& guacamole)

also:       

(I know…the truth hurts.)

Peace.