Although I check every day off of my calendar, I have no concept of time (ask anyone that knows me). For instance, I am aware of March’s close proximity, but, for some reason, nothing registers. Until it hits me all at once, of course. I will be ordering at Taco Bell, and then I will suddenly realize that I have less than eleven weeks of school left. It is quite a challenge to enjoy your supreme nachos when your head feels destroyed by this one flashing word: Panic! (:
Yes, I will no longer be a junior in eleven weeks. Whenever time moves too slow, I am reminded of the days that remain, and let me tell you something: it sucks. Although I know that next year will bring more memories and happiness, a lot will change. For starters, goodbye, seniors. I think about that often, and it makes my nachos taste like sadness. The seniors are half of MSA, and it does not help one bit that I appreciate them as much as I do. It does not help that I am close friends with a few of them, either. However, whenever I think of the seniors leaving and of next year, I end up feeling optimistic despite the losses. I am excited to have a lovely roommate to take care of plants and listen to records with; I am excited to experience more coffee houses and other events; I am excited to actually know what the heck I am doing; I am excited to focus on writing and submissions and competitions more seriously; I am excited to see the upcoming juniors and possibly make friends (!); and I am excited to make more memories with the amazing friends that I have now. So, in conclusion, although I find myself dreading May, the month presents the beginning of an entirely new chapter. Although I will end my second-to-last year of high school and everything will change, I get to meet the upcoming juniors. Time overwhelms me, but I have to remember to count the weeks differently.
Still, eleven weeks is no time at all. Eleven weeks ago, we were in December.
Anyway, crisis aside…
I auditioned for MSA almost a year ago. Has it really been a year?
Recently, nostalgia will not leave me alone. I will be in the process of taking a math test, but then random memories slam into my brain, squeezing their way past the numbers and into my focus. To keep it brief, I have a lot of nostalgia, and I miss the weather of first semester. But on the other hand, so many amazing things have happened, and I am unquestionably happier now. It is honestly amazing to look back and realize how much has changed. For instance, I used to spend hours in my room doing homework and feeling stressed, but now I spend a lot of time outside. To certain people, I used to struggle saying hello to them, but now we talk all of the time. I once felt like an island, but now I feel so appreciated. And I love how we have all changed so much—in appearance and in spirit. Everyone has grown into themselves, I believe.
Random Interjection:
I planned on describing my experience of getting into MSA in this post, but it crossed 1000 words (plus, it has been a long day…). Plan on seeing it soon. I apologize for delaying its release, but it would not include any audition secrets anyway; you have to experience that yourself (diabolical laughter cued).
Dear auditioning sophmores,
You got this.
Last year, when I was in your shoes, I walked into the day without coffee and any belief in myself. I cowered next to my mom and felt incredibly inferior to every other person auditioning. And when we left, I looked around for a long time in silence, convinced that I would never set a foot on the campus again.
Fast forward to right now: I am a junior at MSA, I see the campus every day, and I no longer consider myself a mediocre artist. I wake up with a purpose, and I actually enjoy school. I love this place: everything from the fish sticks (the color of how ACT test prep makes me feel) and the apocalyptic sky (at night when it is cloudy). I have tremendous appreciation for everyone I have met here: the literaries, my teachers, my visual friends, and the people that randomly smile and say hello to me. I love eating outside and walking in circles and seeing squirrels. I love spinning in rolley chairs and seeing the literaries every day, and I love coffee house. And I will always remember making flower bouquets and sitting on the sidewalk during fourth block; I will always remember sitting in rocking chairs and complaining about “ye olde bones”. Some days stress can cloud your lungs and restrict your breathing, but there are more days spent running in the wind with your hair in your face, days spent spinning and making jazz hands at someone through a window.
So, sophmores, believe in yourself.
A year ago, I was trapped in an entirely different place than where I live now; I felt apathetic and pessimistic, and I questioned my merit.
You are amazing; you are your own person, and you got this.
Getting accepted into MSA altered my life because I left the unhealthy environment of my old school and found something new. I found teachers that helped me believe in myself; I found people that helped me feel free to be me; I found a myriad of reasons to change my life for the better. I made real friends and awesome memories: running down the hallway into a hug that knocked me off of my feet and spun me around, dropping my fries on the sidewalk and collapsing into a dramatic monologue, being gifted three tacos, tripping up stairs while running to class, hilarious impressions and expressions, landing in random but philosophical conversations, discussing the weather (seriously…very important), throwing leaves and drop kicking a plastic cicada, laughing over 80’s music videos, walking in the rain, discussing endless ideas and stories, playing a broken flute with a Sonic salt packet holding open a key, walking dramatically slow to homework, and endless dabbing and peace signs and jazz hands.
If you do not believe in yourself, look at me. I walked into auditions almost a different person than I am now. Because, over the course of the year, I have learned to accept orange and yellow despite the grey. I have learned to search for peace and keep hope alive, and I have learned that it is okay to be kind.
I did not even believe in myself, but look where I am now; I feel the most comfortable at a school than I have ever felt.
Have no fear. (:
Sincerely,
un perdedor
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
You are crazy talented and amazing, and you can do anything. Also, everything always works out in the end, so remember that and resist giving up. You only fail when you stop trying.
CALLIE! I never fail to cry at your blogs! It is SO crazy to know that we will be gone in ELEVEN WEEKS… that’s wack. MSA has been a roller-coaster ride that I am not ready to get off of yet! Thank you for sharing your experience; it was so beautiful to see the world through the eyes of Callie Matt. Anywho, I’m a sad mass mess right now, but I shall carry on. Also, I can’t wait for senior year with you, love <3
Callie, you have grown so much while being here. I remember seeing you on new student day. You were extremely shy, but now you have blossomed into a wonderful, funny person. You have really come out of your shell while being here.