It has been ten thousand years…just kidding, but enough time has passed that I am typing my March blog right after February’s. Okay, okay, I know that March is not over yet, but I have no motivation to type anything else, currently. And, surprise: not because I am lazy but because I have a special blog in the works…All I can say is that I should have posted it months ago. And my other excuse for not finishing out the month is that I doubt anything extraordinary will occur between now and then.
If a meteor falls from the sky, you know who to blame.
Anyway, I now present you with my version of the fiasco also known as March, 2020.
I began the month very much in need of a break, but to be honest, I think that is how everyone felt. Exams definitely caused a bit of a stress, and I felt half-dead—I overslept nearly everyday, and I wore sweat pants, for the first time, to school (only one day, but still). Other than that, I enjoyed the first week of March, and I felt okay to leave for spring break.
I remember packing my bag with only a few of my belongings, leaving all of my school work. And I also remember inhaling one last glimpse of my room before leaving for what I expected to be a week. Then I left my heavily watered plants and prepared for spring break, no doubt in my mind that I would soon return.
I spent the majority of the break out of Mississippi. I enjoyed it, for sure, but I remember feeling a little irritated about not having a week to lounge around and begin projects I was considering. Oh, yeah, that is something important to mention for later: I had so many ideas for the summer, and I could not wait to begin. But then, sometime around Thursday, everything changed.
I remember hearing that Mississippi had its first case of the Coronavirus. I remember hearing that even Disney World was shutting down and that, when we returned to school Sunday, a few changes would be made to help combat contamination, etc. And then it got worse.
So, first MSA announced an extended break, and then it became online classes the week after that. And then…distance learning until April 17 (at least).
My last few blogs have consisted of me rambling about how sad I felt about school ending in May, and I have complained about feeling stressed, tired, and overwhelmed. Well, a virus said psych and threw everything out of a window. Those nine weeks that I wanted to savor? I have no definite answer when I will even return to MSA. And that break? Oh, I got it.
oops, pessimism
I spent the “extended spring break” week absolutely squandering my time. But, as an excuse, I will say that I reacted to the news fairly well. I do not want to delve into the topic that has arrested the media, but our current global situation is not the best, so I feel like some weeks deserve to be spent being a hapless blob. When I heard that it would be at least another four weeks before I could return to MSA, I had no idea what to do. I became pessimistic and afraid of how quickly everything was escalating, and I allowed myself to sink into a state of “until”. But I tried to learn how to adapt, and after feeling cluttered and smothered, I cleaned my room and squeezed in a makeshift desk (and now I feel a lot better).
Friday, I was able to return briefly to my dorm room and retrieve belongings, and that helped a lot, also. I saw (and nearly saw) a few people that I missed a great deal, and I appreciated being able to grab important items (like all of my school work…). It proved to be quite the odd experience. For the first time, ever, I stepped onto an entirely vacant floor. The only light entered the hall from the large windows. I remember standing there, staring out of the window that I always loved to look out of. And that is now such a bittersweet memory because the ginkgos had light green leaves, and the crepe myrtles were experiencing growth as well. Spring is my second favorite season, and seeing the trees—that have been bare for so long—with leaves that I have missed dug into me a little bit. And I remember unlocking my door with the key that always annoyed me, clattering incessantly against my badge. And I remember stepping into my room for the first time in two weeks, looking around to see it just as I left it: scrawls on my calendar about events (now canceled, R.I.P.), my drawer full of novelty socks, and my unplugged lamp with its birthday hat that I kept from a coffee house. I loaded up my plants, my books, and my plastic dinosaurs, and then I left.
Sometimes I feel a tad dramatic, but MSA has meant a lot to me. It truly has felt like a home and one I had to build, at that. And although I got the break I wanted, for awhile I lost focus on projects and began to spend a lot of time missing my usual routine. I usually have a lot of gratitude on a daily basis, but I began to appreciate even what bothered me. Everything feels so convoluted, and I miss driving back to MSA after the weekend, getting coffee and fast food and seeing everyone. This has been the longest amount of time I have been away from MSA, and it feels so weird.
This week, I feel completely better, however. Having assignments has returned a sense of normalcy, and I have missed my discipline work immensely. I also appreciate having all of my plants with me, and now I feel significantly less isolated and afraid in general.
It is so weird to type this blog at home. Usually I am in my dorm eating popcorn or something. A lot has changed, and the change has proved difficult at times. But I encourage everyone to remain optimistic and hopeful. Life will regain balance. I hope all of you can adapt and find peace, and gratitude is important. Also, focus on the present, please. If you live life with an “until” outlook, you will waste the present. As much as you like it or not, this is reality now. Reminiscing and taking lazy days are both fine until it gets to the point that you are utterly useless for weeks.
I know that life has been turned upside down, lately, but a lot of good exists if you search for it. I have a blog coming soon about tips on staying sane, so feel free to read that if you need a reminder that the world is not ending.
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
Everything will be okay.
I miss all of you and hope you are well. Try not to become stirred into the overwhelming confusion and chaos as best as you can. Until next time, peace out. (:
Thank you for sharing some positivity and encouraging words because our lives are turned upside down, as you said. This post is so relatable. I miss you so much! And I pray that we will all be reunited soon after what does feel like a thousand years <3