civilized

All i am 

Is a confining statement

Or is the confinement in my head

The concept of confinement

is in itself non-existent

until i give it my energy, my attention

My very being confines itself

To fit its

Mold

Every barrier i have ever known

Was first built from the inside

Freedom may not be an open field

But the moment 

When no one tells you

Where to stand

You think you can fly

No

Dear

Uninformed

child

You may have mistaken familiarity 

For safety so many times

Even an unlocked door

Feels like something 

you should apologize for opening

It is your decision

always

Fly

when

you

wish

to

All i want

is to know

You run across the halls

Down and up stairs

Like i would remember your viridian calls

You expect so much

I wish i could satisfy 

Your nightmares with every touch

But you say you want to cry

So i let them begin

As if they could ever end

Shed some light

please

You know

I collect its skin 

Take me to the dirt

I wish to revel in its brindled finery

Can you believe that

Blue veins

creep along your green and dusty pink patches

You form your terracotta into shapes

The stars haven’t had the privilege of witnessing

before

I must cross them

If i am to make anything

Of myself

Snippets from everyone’s 

collective thoughts

Decorate my mouth

I swallow them

I can only hope they assimilate

I stuff my ears with the rich rich soil

I think i am safe

Your song

Strings a necklace of peridot

I lost

When i was seven

and happy

alive

heedless

yet so conscious

I can have that back

So incredulous

And for what

It might just choke me

again

How could i explain to you

The pain of coming across as a fog

Specifically a fog between the trunks of a forest

In the early morning

Not the murky dismal kind 

No

That would be easier

You would feel the weight when you saw it

This fog

Mingles with the dappled sunlight

Tricks you with its lambent beauty

Until you are in its mist

And you are consumed

Disoriented

So drowsy

So unsure of yourself

The fog is unsure too

You might as well

fall

into

slumber

Dream away

my novel radiance

my apologies

There is no pain

I inflicted it upon myself

I had to get it out

I had to coerce it

It has a hard time trusting me

And i am still scared

Of showing you

i must find contentment

within my fear