I’ve been getting more into techno and “club” music lately. With the likes of Shygirl, Slater, The Egyptian Lover, and Coucou Chloe filling my playlists, I can’t help but think of the origins of music like this. Techno originated in European countries like Germany, heavily influenced by Chicago house and Detroit techno. It quickly became a staple in rave clubs all around the world, and has influenced many other genres. Techno spread its fingers into hundreds of other genres, and there’s at least one mix of techno with each major music genre. My first introduction to techno happened about ten years ago, when the industrial band KMFDM played on my mom’s iPod. When I first heard it, I hated the characteristic heavy metal sounds mixed with repetitive synths, but it slowly grew on me. Industrial music is comprised of heavy metal influences and the drumbeats and synths of techno, and grew from sources all over the world in response to the Industrial Revolution. I had lost interest for a few years, but have gradually come back to it. When I started getting more into it over the past few weeks, I wondered why I ever left it in the first place. My tastes have ranged from pop, rock, industrial, R&B, and folk, and I’ve never really thought of why. My love for music has given me such a huge opportunity for connection that a lot of times, I find myself forgetting about how much of a gift it is. Even when I make my own, I can’t help but appreciate the samples, instrumentals, and styles I see coming from artists much more skilled than I. One of my favorites is the aforementioned Egyptian Lover. His skill with DJing and mixing tracks is so admirable, especially in live settings. His laidback style of spinning makes other, more performative styles seem a little bit overdone in the best way. His huge passion for his art form gives me such inspiration to continue my musical journey.
Category: Senior Literary
This category features the works of senior literary students at Mississippi School of the Arts.
The Similarities between Deadpool & Wolverine and Spider-man: Across the Spiderverse
This blog idea came to me while watching the Spider-man: Across the Spiderverse movie for the first time. It was a great movie, but all I could think about was the similarities in plot that it shared with Deadpool & Wolverine. Now, I’m definitely gonna be reaching for like most of this blog, but I just need you to walk with me.
The plot of Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse as summarized as possible is that Miles is fighting this spot guy who makes portals. Gwen is in his dimension to stop this spot guy but gets distracted by Miles. He learns that she’s in this group of Spider-people who stop anomalies. He wants to be a part of it, but he can’t be because Miguel does not like him, and I do not like Miguel…. but we find out that Miles is an anomaly. The spider that bit him wasn’t meant to bite him, also he stops this other Spider-Man’s canon event, which is something that happens to every Spider or their word will like fade from existence. That’s the main bit of the plot at least. So, Deadpool.
So, the plot of Deadpool & Wolverine is that Wade Wilson quits being Deadpool after he and Vanessa break up. He works as a car salesman, but he’s really bad at it, but while at home at a surprise party that all his friends threw for him, these random time cop guys show up and take him away. He meets this guy named Mr. Paradox. Paradox is telling Wade that he wants him to be Deadpool again, and work with him. Wade sees a video of he and Thor together and immediately agrees. He wants to prove to Vanessa that he can be something important, so they get together again. We soon learn that Wade’s timeline is being erased because the anchor being is done. The anchor being is Wolverine, who died, but Wade was convinced he could find him, so he dug up his grave, but nothing was there but adamantium bones. He goes back to Paradox, insisting that it can be fixed, so he steals his little dimension transporter thing to find a new Wolverine to take with him, and after many failures, he finds the Worst Wolverine. They get sent to like this trash dimension pretty much where they meet Johnny Storm, who Deadpool gets killed by Cassandra Nova. Whatever, the main point is that Wade’s dimension is being destroyed slowly because it lost its anchor being, but he replaces the dead Wolverine with the Worst Wolverine and they live happily ever after, and I think he and Vanessa get back together.
Okay, so you should be hearing me out by now. Something I didn’t mention was that in the Spider-Man movie, Miguel loses his family, and finds another dimension where he died, but his family is still alive. He replaces that version of him to live happily, but it ends up destroying his world, which is almost exactly like what happened to Wade, but it actually works and nothing bad happens.
Wade is spending the whole movie going dimension to dimension to fix this problem, eventually getting stuck in one where he meets this version of himself that’s the complete opposite of him, which happens in the Spider-Man movie. Miles meets the version of himself that was meant to get bit by the spider that bit him, that version of himself becomes the Prowler. Wade meets Nicepool, who he also gets killed because Nicepool didn’t have regenerative powers.
So, I think by now you could probably see the similarities I saw in this movie. Now that I’m actually elaborating on it, it makes a lot more sense of similar the plots are. Thank you for walking with me and hearing me out! Anyways, both of these movies are so good, so you should watch them both, and if you have, watch it again…
Lets go on The Long Walk
content warning: mentions of death/killing, discussion of war, breif discussion of racism, general caution is advised.
This also contains some spoilers for The Long Walk. I highly recomend you watch the movie before reading this- however, if you do not, I hope this convinces to you to watch the movie.
In 1979, when Stephen King was still using the pen name Richard Bachman, he published a book titled The Long Walk. He had written this book over a decade prior, when he was a freshman in university. At age 19, King was witnessing friends and peers his age being drafted and sent off to fight in the Vietnam war. He was horribly distraught by the large number of young men who were forced into a life or death situation at the fresh age of 18. The Long Walk was written to criticize and satirize the US government and their mistreatment of an entire generation of young people.
In 2025, The Long Walk was adapted into a film by JT Mollner and directed by Francis Lawrence. There were quite a few changes made between the book and movie, both plot and character related. These changes were made with King’s blessing and enhance the overarching message of the story.
The Long Walk is set in a dystopian version of the US, sometime in the 1970s. While, visually, appearing the same as the states in the ’70s, the government has taken a dictatorship rule over the nation. This shift came after the “war”, an implied reference to World War Two. In this world, the US lost the war and suffered great financial and political losses afterward. The ‘Long Walk’ is an annual event held in the states where a group of young boys (50 walkers in the movie, 100 in the book) will compete in a walking race for endless riches and whatever they might wish for. This race has no end in sight- the boys simply have to walk until there is one walker left.
There are many reasons that a walker might ‘get his ticket’, or get killed. In fact, King wrote an entire rulebook which entails what the walkers are and are not allowed to do on the walk. There are some basic rules that all walkers know. Everyone must walk at a minimum speed (3mph in the movie, 4mph in the book), you cannot physically attack other walkers, you cannot leave the path. Violations of rules will result in a warning- three warnings and you get your ticket.
So, the walk goes on; a group of young men walking with no end in sight, followed by soldiers on tanks. These tanks carry candid cameras, which broadcast the walk to the entire nation. This absurdist scenario is King’s portrayal of how war was turned into a spectacle of entertainment, while young men suffered and lost their lives to bring honor to their nation. The Long Walk gives a perspective from the inside; an introduction to the men who showed up to willingly put their lives on the line. The story humanizes and empathizes with these young men, who are being treated like animals by their government.
The story follows Ray Garraty, a young man whose father was killed by the government for teaching and spreading information that had been banned. Ray’s father taught him to reject the authoritarian rule of the government and, instead, seek out all of that banned media. Despite his quiet revolutionary beliefs and hatred of the Major, Ray joins the long walk.
Ray befriends a number of boys on the long walk. Peter McVries is a songwriter with a rugged childhood. Pete is on the long walk in hopes that he can win and use the money to do something good in the world. Art Baker is a religious man from Baton Rouge. Art says he’s on the walk for the money, for personal use. Hank Olson is smart-talking, sharp, and very enthusiastic about winning the walk. Richard Harkness is a writer who wants to write a story about the long walk from the insider’s perspective. Billy Stebbins is a buff, mysterious, guy who speaks in riddles and respects his government. Collie Parker has a tough exterior, but he’s a family-oriented revolutionary who shares Ray’s hatred of the government. Gary Barkovitch just wants to make friends, but clearly never learned the difference between joking around and fighting.
In both the movie and the book, there is no censoring the disgusting truth of the walk. These boys are walking for days, no bathroom breaks, no naps- no nothing. It’s gross, grimey, and human. There is no attempt at making it palatable. Even in scenes where characters are having sweet or loving conversations, you never forget the true tragedy of their situation. Some of these boys were so miserable in their lives before, that they walk is the happiest they’ve ever truly been. They’re happy because they’re away from whatever hardships they had back home and now they’re on a walk with peers. While you want to share their happiness, you know that it isn’t going to last.
Now is when I get a bit more personal with this deep dive. Recap over, I’m going to talk about my favorite aspects of the book and movie, what works, what doesn’t, and other interpretations. I’m going to try to keep this brief though, knowing me, there may be a second part to this at a later date.
Off the bat, I want to talk about the most important change made (in my opinion) from the book to the movie. In the book, despite there being 100 boys on the walk, only one character is ever directly referred to as being not white. He, Ewing, is declared black by one of the other boys and then promptly referred to as a slur. The only black character in that book is called a horribly degrading slur right before his death- that’s disgusting. Especially considering the fact that The Long Walk is meant to satirize WW2 and the Vietnam War, wars that were heavily fought by black and brown Americans. Many black and brown men joined the army under the promise that they would be treated as equals when they fought for their country. All of that being said, It’s very important (in my opinion) that the casting directors for the movie chose to cast primarily people of color. Of the main eight characters, five are played by actors of color.
On a somewhat similar note, of minorities’ involvement in the wars, I want to discuss the implied and discussed queerness in both the book and the movie. In the book, Ray and Pete have conversations about being queer, being queer for each other, or even performing sexual acts on eachother. In the book, it’s shown as a sort of “neither of them are actually gay, they’re just pent up teenage boys” discussion. In the movie, there is a lot more to Ray and Pete’s relationship. They look out for each other, save each other’s lives a number of times, help each other rest while walking, share secrets that they’ve never told anyone else, and are honest about their love for each other (though it’s unclear if it’s romantic or platonic love). Queerness is discussed throughout the movie (primarily by closet case number one, Gary Barkovitch), though no labels are ever used. Even in a cut line from the script, Pete makes a comment about maybe being “queer for [Ray]” but goes on to refuse to admit if he’s joking or not. I’m very grateful for how sexuality is handled in the movie. Queerness is a hugely repressed aspect of military history, for a number of reasons, so having a male relationship portrayed in that sort of way (no labels, not necessarily romantic but also something more than just friends) is very important.
Overall, I appreciate the message that the movie and book both convey. It’s not meant to be a revolutionary story about the final guy fixing the government and getting rid of all the pain. It’s a story about human nature and instincts under extreme situations. It’s a story about family, friendship, and loss. It’s a story about culture and identity. It’s a story about sticking it to the man, even when you’re stuck in the system. All that being said, I think the message falls flat in a couple ways. In the book, Ray is much less of a liberal-minded revolutionary as he is in the movie. I have no problem with that, it just gives a whole different perspective to the story being told. In the movie, we get a beautiful spectrum of moral and ethical standings from each of the characters- however, it’s not as fleshed out as it could’ve been. I don’t want a movie where every character gets thirty minutes to talk about who they are and what they believe- that’s lazy and boring- but, come on. These guys are walking together for five days with nothing to do, lets get to know some of them a bit more. At the same time, I like that some of the character’s stories are left up to interpretation as that prompts people like me to write our own fully-fleshed out backstories and fanfiction. So I guess I don’t mind that much.
End Of Year Burnout
Yes, the word that everyone goes through every painful year, “burnout,” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Like, for one person, they may look at math on a board and see a bunch of hieroglyphics; for someone else, when they stare at a screen, all they may see is static. For me, my mind would be blank, like no creativity going in or out. I’m surprised that I can even write this blog. With all the factors of college submission, scholarship requests, math, and figuring out how to tell the aunt who says I sound like a little white girl she’s not coming to my graduation, can you really blame me for being burnt out?
This is normal because our brains can’t function like a super-powered engine 24/7. Everyone sometimes needs time at a repair shop to get this. Well, what type of car am I? I want to say I’ll be a truck, maybe with a forest green coat, but I know for dang sure I’m not a Cybertruck. I’m much more classy than that.
Okay, that’s enough trying to discuss what type of car I am. The reason I’m writing this post is to help you become your own mechanic for that maybe not-so-sharp brain of yours. I’m going to tell you some ways I repair my brain. While some of these ways are pricey, it’s worth it to keep a stable brain or whatever you all want.
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Vacation
Ok, we all knew I was going to say “vacation.” I mean, come on, when does a person not feel refreshed and ready to face the world after a vacation? A break away from all the annoying critters, a break from all the assignments, and a break from people telling you what to do, and you get to see new things to restart that creative brain.
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Shopping
Now I’m not trying to tell you to develop bad habits with shopping, but whenever I buy something, it’s like a weight off my shoulders, and I just love it. And I mean shopping for clothes, food, or books; I prefer books.
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Walk.
This is probably one of the freest things you can do anymore. Plus, you can go on a nice walk anywhere. Well, ok, let’s not say everywhere, say most places. Imagine the wind blowing through your hair and the relaxation you get from it. It’s so relaxing and mood-improving.
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Swimming
Now I’m pretty sure most towns have a public swimming pool. Go there and just float in the water, and if you can’t swim, drown. I know not the best thing to do, but hey, imagine how it’s going to feel after that (I’m not actually telling you to drown). Let the water caress your body; trust me, it’s a good feeling for 1 or 2 hours. After that, it will feel like concrete, but it still feels good.
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Family time
Ah, the good old saying: you never have fun unless it’s with your family. I personally have never had that saying said to me. I made it up just now, but you don’t have any proof of that, so I win. But “family” is a general term; it could also mean friends, cousins, pets, or strangers you meet in dark alleyways. I’m not picky. Spending time with it will help you clear your head and get you ready to face your challenges head on.
Well, I hope you all enjoy my advice, and I’ll see you all next time. If you all have any other suggestions, I’d be happy to take them.
Love Your Friends Like Romantic Partners
I believe Valentines Day is such a strange holiday, at least for us to celebrate in the modern day. In between the major holiday of New Years and the minor one of St. Patrick’s Day (which is also weird), there’s a holiday all about dating and love. It’s also turned into a consumeristic cash grab but I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade (especially my own). I’ve never met anyone who actually likes Valentines Day, unless it’s someone who’s been in a long-term relationship (which makes you think… duh!).
Personally, Valentines Day has always been something that I dread. Since getting old enough to date, I’ve either ended a relationship right before Valentines Day, met someone immediately after, or was with someone that never took it seriously. So I always opt out to spend it with my friends or with family. Thankfully, my dad has stepped up to be my number one Valentine every year since I was a baby, so my standards are high.
I introduce all of this to sort of counsel myself into a solution for my own love life problems and also stall for the real topic of this blog. It’s no surprise that I am very open about loving my friends a little bit more than most people are comfortable with. A lot of people are really specific about saying “I love you” either to people they don’t really love or saying it too often. I think there are two types of “I love you”s but, of course, they’re going to sound the same. I absolutely think you should take the romantic “I love you”s very seriously, don’t say them too often and don’t say them too quickly. But the platonic “I love you”s? Everyone gets one of those from me. It’s really hard to not earn one from me, I love hard and I love lots.
A few months ago, a family friend that I really look up to and admire sent me a video on Instagram. I find it funny how she drops the most inspiring pieces of advice through Reels at random times in the day, especially in between Smiling Friends (RIP) fan art and other funny videos. It was a video about a girl getting interviewed in a park and she said, “Treat your friends more like your lovers and your lovers more like your friends.” She goes on to explain herself in a really beautiful way that I admire so deeply. I want to take this statement and explain why I personally believe in it. When this family friend sent me that video, I had already been thinking about that statement and saying it in a different way in my own life and since then, I’ve been thinking about it even more.
Obviously I don’t think we should date our friends. I just think we should prioritize our platonic friendships as much, if not more, than our romantic relationships. There are so many young girls that chase after a date while not being able to see the beautiful platonic friendships that provide for them even more than a romantic one ever would. I was definitely one of those girls when I was younger.
As I got older, I heard more and more about how I should value friendships over dating. I heard it so much that I knew it couldn’t possibly be a thrown-out suggestion that didn’t take years for these other people to realize it themselves. But sometimes you have to live through the experiences to truly learn where it came from. It’s hard to take advice and live by it without knowing what happens when you don’t.
Now, there are definitely lines that shouldn’t be crossed in showing your love for your platonic friends, but that should be up for you and the other person to decide. For the most part, it’s not anyone’s business how you interact with your platonic friends, just like it’s not anyone’s business how you interact with your romantic partners. You don’t have to put a label on it either, again, the same way you don’t with romantic partners. You don’t have to claim it as some sort of nonbiological familial love to explain it to people and you don’t have to explain it as pretend dating either.
As an only child, it’s difficult for me to be able to relate to actual sibling relationships. Usually, I label any friendship I have with a male as a brother/sister relationship because that one of the only bonds I know will make sense to other people. I have felt, what I think to be, true sisterly love before, but as I get older, I try to lean away from specifically labeling my friendships, especially as sibling relationships because 9 times out of 10 they don’t even fall under that category to me. I just naturally refer to many of my friendships like that.
Of course, as a society we are obsessed with labeling things. I’ll admit that I am too. It gives me a form of comfort in understanding more about the world or myself. But I’ve noticed a lot less labeling recently. With the rise of “situationships” and just “talking” to someone romantically (even though those are ultimately labeling it) rather than dating, I’ve noticed more and more people pushing against the expectations of labels. Now both your and my opinions about labeling romantic relationships are a topic for another day, and that’s just not what I want to talk about. I want to hop on the no-label train and prioritize the bonds of friendships rather than labeling them, even if I do treat them the same way I would romantic partners sometimes.
More recently, I had a talk with one of my closest friends about romantic and platonic love, specifically in inexplicably stated queer media, after watching “The Long Walk” (I wonder who). We talked about how a lot of queer relationships are deemed as “brotherly” or “sisterly” love by the mainstream media that’s too afraid of outwardly titling those relationships as queer/romantic. We came to the conclusion that it doesn’t really matter if it’s labeled as some form of “sibling” love, as long as it’s not explicitly stated as that in the actual content and can be interpreted as queer representation, the most important part of it is that it’s love. It doesn’t matter if it has the ability to be explicitly stated as queer representation or if it falls under the description of platonic love to the mainstream media, what matters is that it’s love and it’s beautiful. (maybe omit since it’s saying the same thing)
Ultimately what I’m trying to say is in the title. There’s not much explanation I have other than love is beautiful. There’s a lot of overlap with the feelings you have for platonic friends and the ones you have towards romantic partners. Don’t be afraid of that overlap. You don’t need a romantic partner in your life if you have meaningful bonds that already fill that role.
You don’t need to have a boyfriend to have a good Valentines Day. It’s not lame that you spend it with your dad every year. If you want to give gifts to your friends like an extravagant boyfriend, don’t be afraid of doing that if you know it’ll make you happy. I’m just talking to myself here…
I wanted to insert a bit about this clip from Smosh where Shayne Topp talks about how people love to see a relationship on screen because I thought it fit and it was just so beautiful. I also just think a lot of things are beautiful.
When I was younger and was more of a quiet kid, I would watch the popular friend groups and specifically observe their friendships and relationships with each other. Even if I knew the group was not nice overall, like if they were mean to most people, I still admired their friendships because that was some of the most genuine relationships I’ve seen from an outsider’s perspective.
All relationships are beautiful, even if they weren’t great in the beginning, even if they aren’t great now. I think we were put on this planet to love each other. Give your friends a kiss for me. Or whatever.
February Journal blurb
In November I had the opportunity to work at the Renaissance festival, a popular festival that happens every year in the Louisiana area. People from states close by and far away travel to see this amazing event, and it’s truly as awesome as it’s hyped up to be. If you’ve never been to the ren fest before, it’s a big festival; based within decorated boarders that depict what life was like in the Renaissance Era. There are old-timey houses, huts, shops, and booths that surround the streets of the main festival. The streets/walkways are dirt and gravel roads, and they run miles across the base. I didn’t get to see every part of the festival, but I knew it stretched very far, and there were many more interesting things happening in certain areas (like jousting, kind of upset I never got to see it).
This specific job was very memorable to me because it was my first time working in the food service industry. My older siblings have all had jobs in the food service industry, so naturally I thought it’d be a good place to start whenever I needed to look for work. This past summer I ended up working at a nature center (which I loved and totally want to do again). So, I wasn’t working in the service industry yet, like I thought I would. During this time many close friends and family members were recommending that I give it a try because I needed the experience, socialization, and money. I do like working with people, so I wanted to give it a try.
I would’ve never thought one of my first jobs would be at a place as cool as the ren fest. I’d never been to the festival before, so I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I agreed to work with my friend and her sister for the month. It was an amazing experience. I got to wear garb for the first time in my life, and it felt good to wear something completely different than I’m used to. I got to interact with people from different backgrounds and states. Some of them had been coming to the ren fest for years, and they were very open to talking about the details of their garb (I loved to ask them). Everyone was so happy and outgoing, and I loved being a part of it.
I worked in an ice cream/milkshake booth, and I can honestly say that I underestimated the skill and experience it takes to work in the food service industry. Of course, I had no prior experience in customer service, but I didn’t think it’d be as tough as it was. It took me a hot second to learn how to make the milkshakes, sundaes, and even the simple crepes we sold. We operated on a make-by-order basis, so while I was learning I was also serving the customers (Many people were forgiving when I messed up their order). There were moments when I had no idea what I was doing. It got nerve wracking at times, but I learned how to handle myself in those types of situations, so I like to think it worked out in my favor.
Working at this festival was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done, and I would love to do it again. The owner of the booth I worked in does a lot of different shows, so it’d be interesting to travel and work at other events. If you’re considering changing your work options or looking for different environments, you should totally take a chance and see what’s out there. I did, and I had an amazing time. Thanks for reading.
going analog (kind of)
Since Christmas, I’ve been making it a goal to be more disconnected from my phone, and social media. I know it’s not that original of an aim, but I think that I’ve been doing pretty well with it. With how purposefully addictive technology has been designed, I’m trying to take back my attention span, because it’s completely shot. I find that I can barely pay attention to a book for as long as I used to. Now, I can’t say I’m going completely analog because that’s nearly impossible in this day and age and it would be incredibly hypocritical saying that on an online blog post, especially when so many aspects of my life are online, but I’m doing my best to minimize my time on social media specifically. I’ve implemented a lot of tools to do so, like using single-purpose tech instead of the swiss army knife lodged in my gut all the time (my phone). I’ve disabled all of my notifications except for texts, calls, and emails, and I’ve set up a grey-scale filter on my screen so that my phone looks just as soul-sucking as it feels. I’ve also installed an app called OLauncher that is designed to remove all of the colorful app icons that distract me so easily. It’s set up so that I only have 5 apps readily available on my homescreen, and the rest are hidden in a tray, all formatted as lists so that there’s no pretty images to grab my attention. I’ve also Marie Kondo’ed my apps. Anything that is not a genuinely helpful tool has been removed from my phone, no games, no shopping apps, nothing except for what I actively use every day. If I don’t use it in more than a week, I delete it and redownload it again in the future if I need to.
Another thing I’ve done is I’ve bought myself an off-brand IPod to keep all of my music on. I’ve cancelled my subscriptions and have started buying my music myself. It’s much more costly, I’ll admit, but at the end of the day, I’ll never lose the license to access music that I truly own. Buying off of apps like Bandcamp also comes with the added bonus of knowing that I’m directly supporting the artists I’m listening to, rather than a monthly fee being divvied up into fractions of a cent for each artist I listen to, with the lion’s share going to a corporation. While it’s not a perfect system, I really enjoy having so much agency over things that mean so much to me. I’m also very excited about the personalization I’ve done. While the Innioasis Y1 is a great device out of the box, I’ve downloaded a program called RockBox. RockBox is designed to bring new life to old IPods, but since it’s main goal is accessibility and improvement, it has been developed for the Y1 as well!
Going analog is completely impossible for me currently, but I’m doing my best to be more mindful about my media consumption and tech interactions. I’ve noticed that I’m much less pessimistic than I used to be because of it, and I’m so much more okay with missing a text or a phone call when it used to make me panic. This really felt like a slap to the face when I remember what every mom on earth has said to their child: “It’s that damn phone.” I really do think that we have the power to step away from being mindless phone zombies, if we’ll only try. I hope this inspires you to be a little bit more present in your life and set down the phone once in a while.
2026: My Most Dreaded Year
I’ve written about the new year about three different times, and I don’t think I’m going to stop anytime soon, even a month in. 2026 is going to be my biggest year yet: I’m graduating high school, I’m starting college, I’m traveling, and– I’m graduating high school?
I’ve heard the phrase “Class of 2026” for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t understand what it actually meant until elementary school.
“Class of 2026 means you’re graduating in the year 2026,” my extremely patient teacher told me probably after I walked up to her during recess.
“What’s graduating?” I probably asked her, like an idiot.
“It’s when you’re done with school and maybe go to college.”
“Why would we do that?”
I already knew I was going to become the girl that I am today: terrified of growing up and unhealthily attached to the past. When I turned eight, I thought I wanted to be six years old forever. And then I turned ten and wanted to be eight years old forever. That continued until I became a teenager and realized I would never want to live in objectively the worst, most awkward stage of my life any longer than I had to.
But I couldn’t fathom a time in my life where I didn’t go to school. Obviously I knew adults that were out of school with jobs and kids, but I never imagined that being me. I thrived off of getting good grades, taking notes, and showing off my report card. So I became terrified of graduating and with that, the phrase “Class of 2026”. I would hold back tears when the teacher went on long rants about preparing us for college and I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate.
I avoided the phrase until middle school when I decided that 2026 was so far away there was no reason to worry about it in the first place. I shrugged off the phrase whenever it was mentioned and I breezed through middle school only focusing on the present. I’d say it was an alright time. Then high school arrived…
I was in concert band, so I got the chance to meet and get close to seniors as a freshman. And in May, I attended a graduation ceremony for the first time. It was only when I was sitting in the second row of woodwinds, clutching my oboe in my sweaty hands, in the middle of playing “Pomp and Circumstance”, I realized that I would be walking that same stage in less than four years. That’s when the fear came back.
I would get nauseous when I imagined myself in a cap and gown and, again, I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate. It was like I slipped right back into the elementary school version of myself – terrified of growing up, constantly avoiding the phrase. But I couldn’t stop time, so my sophomore year came and went, then I left to come to MSA.
I certainly feel different about graduating now. Not only am I going to be walking across a completely different stage, but I’m actually excited to graduate. I don’t mean MSA isn’t serving me anymore, it’s not like that at all. I really enjoy being at MSA and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean the future has so much that I’m extremely excited for. And graduating is the first step to getting closer to that.
I would shock my elementary school self by saying that I’m completely comfortable with the idea of graduating, maybe even my middle school self too. I don’t avoid it, brush it off, or completely crumble at the thought of it anymore. I’m equally as happy with the present as I am excited for the future. There is so much here and there is so much waiting for me at the same time. After hearing “Class of 2026” my whole life, and having very complicated feelings about it, I’m excited to confront the phrase head on by taking it to heart and holding it above my head when I walk across that stage in May.
I originally meant for this to be more on my feelings about 2026 and what it’s like being a part of the Class of 2026. I think, somehow, I hit the target enough to be happy with this and what I’ve said. There’s a lot to be said about the time passing between first discovering what Class of 2026 actually meant and now finally earning that title but I highly doubt I’m emotionally ready to go in depth about that. But it’s really beautiful when you can actively watch yourself change and see how much you’ve grown. I hope I continue to be this conscious of my growth and the way time passes when I enter, and eventually graduate, college. Honestly, I just can’t wait for my brain to fully develop and travel, have my own place, and achieve all my goals. I think I just dislike being a teenager, which is weird. If you asked 16-year-old Steph anything, she would tell you about how much she loved being a teen girl completely unprompted. It’s really funny the way we change in such a short amount of time.
January Journal blurb
My dog gave birth to seven puppies in September. While I was away at school my mom sent me a photo of her and I was shocked to see a small pile of black and white puppies laying under her, feeding. Of course, I couldn’t see the puppies until a few weeks after they were born, but when I finally got a chance to see them, I was ecstatic.
The puppies were unbelievably cute! I played with them in the pin my parents built for them in the backyard. When I picked one up and held it in my arms, I was saddened to see it covered in fleas. I knew my family couldn’t afford flea treatments for seven dogs, but I didn’t want the puppies to suffer. To help with their fleas I gave each dog a bath. I put them in a plastic tub my family didn’t use anymore and rinsed them with soap and water. As I continued to clean them, I discovered more fleas. Clusters of them were living in their fur, around their necks, and in the crevices of their legs.
I couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it was for the puppies. I took an old hair comb we never used anymore and attempted to comb as many fleas out of their fur as I could. The process was long, and even with the flea comb, I couldn’t get nearly as many fleas out as I would have liked. When I finished washing and combing them, they piled into a corner of their pin. They cuddled and slept for a few hours, and thankfully it was hot enough outside that they could dry without getting super cold.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could help them without financially burdening my parents. So, I searched the internet for safe at home remedies to help lessen fleas for puppies. I found a lot of good remedies and some questionable ones, but I was hopeful that a specific remedy would work. I decided on this water and white vinegar mix that many dog owners said worked for their dogs. I was extra careful to avoid their faces when I sprayed them with the mixture. It was noon when I sprayed them, so I knew they wouldn’t be at risk for hypothermia. (it was cold outside and young puppies aren’t good at creating their own warmth)
When I inspected them a few hours later, I saw a big decrease in their fleas! I could already tell the puppies were more comfortable and they were more playful too. Although the mixture did not work as well for some of them, I was happy that I could help in any way. I’m still looking for better remedies. Hopefully ones that don’t make them smell like vinegar…
Also, a more current update, my parents found homes for four of the puppies! The other three are still with us and are healthy. I’m thankful. I’m also hopeful that we’ll give the other ones away to owners who care about them. Aside from my dogs, January has been a nice month. Since I’ve begun applying for colleges, I’ve worried a lot about what the next few years will look like. Spending time with my family and pets has been an amazing way to take my mind off things. It has also reminded me of how far I’ve come as a person. In the past two years or so my life has changed drastically, from losing two of my closest relatives to moving away from home. Despite all of this, I’m grateful for the change, and I believe it has helped me become a better version of myself.
Road Trip
In my last blog, I talked about college preparation and how I had somewhat of an idea of my future and how I knew I wanted to move out with a friend and live off campus from the University of South Carolina. But I also stated at the beginning that one day I would look back at that blog and see how different things worked out. Now, just as I predicted, my plans have almost completely changed.
I realize now that I am not made for being in one place. My freedom is something I hold very dear to me, but right now it feels restricted. I have spent years waiting for the day I graduate so I don’t have to be tied down by the title of teenager or student. It feels very inferior to me, and I know that I am more than just that. And I also know that there is more to life that just being told what to do and how to do it. So, after all this waiting, why would I subject myself to go to a place that’s going to make me work like a dog for the rest of my life just to pay it off. College, though I understand its importance, is just another cage to me now. I do not want to spend so much money on something that gets me nothing. I do not want to be one of those people who spent four years working on a degree just to not be able to find a job anywhere and have to pay off debt for the rest of my life. It would all be a waste. I understand many don’t see it that way, but I do.
I have a primary plan right now that I cannot talk about yet, so if it doesn’t work out, I have a backup plan that is just as good to me. The world is full of beauty, and I want to find it all. When I graduate, I want to move to South Carolina with my father and work on a project with him. After a lot of working and saving, I plan to buy a van so me and him can renovate it for living capabilities. I wouldn’t need much. Just a bed with storage space under, an electric generator or solar panels (most like not solar panels), and whatever else I find I may need. Once this project is done, I am on the road. My first destination is New York City. I have dreamed of seeing it my entire life, no matter how many people say it’s not all that. I’ve been jotting down the places I want to go in New York, allowing me to learn a lot of cool things about the area.
After New York, I will start heading up and down the U.S. going through all 50 states. This will obviously be over the course of a year or two. While doing this, I plan to work a freelance job in journalism while writing a book and documenting my travel. Once I’m done with the U.S. it is time for the world tour. That’s likely to be planned a lot later.
I understand that this is somewhat unrealistic and kind of crazy, but I know that in today’s world, it is better to chase your dreams than try to make money. And the price of college in just as unrealistic in my opinion. I hope this made sense. There is so much more but then this would be one-hundred pages long. If you want to know more feel free to ask me about it.