Tag: senior literary

My Best Friend moved to Germany.

I knew it would happen for probably a year in advance. She would talk about it, I would listen, and I guess I just turned my ears off to the fact that this wasn’t make-believe. We weren’t eight years old playing pretend, swaddled up in a blanket and giggling between each other. This wasn’t Im gonna live in England, and we’ll live together with three cats and two dogs. This was actual real life.

I’m very aware of my place at MSA, and how exactly I’m privileged just to be here. We all got in by application. We all went through the same audition process and proved ourselves either talented or capable. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped to really soak in the fact that this is all my life, and now that I have I’ve been faced with the fact that this is fleeting.

My dorm has been my home for a year, almost two. I will likely never see this dorm again once I leave. I love our school’s library so much, even if I don’t read as often as I should. I love our campus, our classrooms, and our teachers. I’ve never stopped to celebrate myself. Part of the reason is because no one has let me. Either my mom, or my siblings, or my friends. Sometimes myself. Sometimes big problems that I couldn’t possibly tackle in my life alone, like the government or the world. Another part of the reason is I never quite think its real.

The only reason I’m thinking now is because I’ve seen her a lot less. I’ve never really seen her, really. In the almost five years I’ve known her, she’s lived 6,854 miles away. Out of all of my current friends, I’ve known her the longest. We met at twelve in a cavetown discord server of all things, through a friend neither of us really have anymore. Now we’re seventeen, she’s in this weird college-highschool thing that I don’t understand and I’m here, at MSA. A senior. We’ve grown up together. I watched not one, not two, but three of my favorite shows ever just for her, and discovered so much about myself. I’ve seen her through two relationships, a situationship, and about six crushes. She’s seen me through the worst years of my life, immediately followed by my best. I knew I would see less of her when exams started.

( You hear the stories about kids in European or Asian countries quite literally dying over their exam seasons, and I thought it was some weird stereotype that didn’t actually happen.. no. It’s the most true. She taught me something, some sort of 50-10-50 studying thing that I use for writing now. I don’t think it was always like this, but she’d always text me during her ten minute breaks and we’d talk about anything. She would push it off for ten extra minutes just to talk a little longer. She’d say “I need to study, Danny” and I’d tell her “You hate me.” She never left. Exam season is brutal for bystanders as well. )

Which is why I sort of knew everything that was happening as it happened. I knew about her studying German, her language exams and how poorly she THOUGHT she did, because it was hard. I also knew when they got scores back and she had some of the best. I knew what schools she wanted to get in, and which ones she went to anyways. She’s one of the most dedicated people I know, if not the most.

I knew when she got accepted, and I knew when her VISA got approved. I guess the stress of MSA just kept me from fully appreciating the fact that my best friend was in the process of achieving her, like, actual dream. I remember when she didn’t even know what she wanted to do. She would go back and forth between her family and herself, over and over and tell me she didn’t care when she really did and couldn’t help but care a few days later. I think I saw a little bit of her worst, too. Then she got better. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she knew who she wanted to be and who she had to be. And she figured it out.

Sometimes, I sense little dregs of doubt in her. It’s weird that people who’ve never really looked each other in the eye can read word choice so well. I know it’s a lot of pressure for me to put on someone, but honestly I trust that she’ll figure that out, too.

To round all of this out, Dr. Alexis really taught me something about gratitude. I had never considered celebrating myself an option. I haven’t won any contests, or awards. I haven’t done anything big. I mean, I barely even passed into this year, I feel… But I did pull my GPA up from the 2.4 that haunted me for the entire first semester. I got into MSA at all. I got a high score on the ACT when I really thought I’d make a 15. I learned to suck it up, stick it out, and talk about my problems. I made friends. I learned it’s okay to think that some people and their made up problems are below me, and that I do in fact have bigger problems than that. I learned to tell people that they, indeed, have bigger problems than little old danny. My GPA is on track to be at least a 3.0 by the time I graduate, which isn’t much but it’s miles better than where I started. I was on honor roll for the second semester last year.

There are so many things that I do have to be grateful for, and I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on what I don’t have. I keep telling myself things will get better, and never stop to recognize what I do have that is good. It’s insane that I realized all of this on the first day Dr. Alexis told us that celebrating was an option.

Where I was last year, starting out as freshly 16, I didn’t really realize that the next 6 years of my life was a milestone after a milestone. 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. It’s a weird thing to think about. Theres so much ahead of me, ahead of all of us. What we do, what we say, and the bonds we make right now are going to follow us. Every decision we make for the next six years will ultimately effect something else for the rest of our lives. This is the foundation… and that’s all a little weird to think about. I’ve spent my entire life preparing to be 17, and now that I am I’m spending this time preparing for what comes next. This isn’t make-believe anymore. Either you do or you don’t.

What I’m ultimately saying here is that I didn’t celebrate myself, and so I didn’t celebrate my friends how I should have. I wasn’t aware enough of how important the now is, because I was so scared as I was looking for the next thing. I hurt a lot of people, or I feel like I did, by not being there when they needed me. Specifically, Rock. I’ve most definitely talked about her before, and she really REALLY wants to see my blogs, so I’m finally letting her because she’s letting me write about her. If I were to have any advice for my juniors, and I will be urging them to read this because like I love yall, it would be to look around at who you keep around you. Will this matter? Do you want it to? I’m so serious when I say look at yourself, and who you are, and figure it out now before you make any decisions on who you want to be. Don’t keep people around who will hinder that.  This is my commentary of the year. I predict many Greek Mythology blogs.

First Blog of Senior year

I think I finally found out what I want my blogs to be about…

VIDEO GAMES!

Either you know or you don’t, I’m a huge video game fanatic. Especially for video games with deep characters and story line. Which is where my love for writing comes from and it’s thanks to my brothers who I hold very close to my heart. 

I was just a little girl who played with barbie dolls and plastic horses and playing pretend, while my brothers played with video game consoles and took up the tv when my favorite cartoons would air. Back then, I just wanted whatever was in front of me, what was tangible. I wasn’t exposed to the idea that so much more could come from a controller that I could barely hold and a screen with moving characters. 

At first, I was resistant. I didn’t WANT to learn anything about the video games my brothers played, I didn’t want to do anything with it.

Until that one game that truly made a difference. 

The game that started it all.

KINGDOM HEARTS II. 

The very first video game I had experienced and now I am currently replaying it! Now I am prone to say, “The very first” or “The first” a lot about many different things but this is the very first STORY BASED game that attracted my little brain. 

Now of course, back then it was more about the Disney aspect and not the deeper-rooted lore behind them, but when I say I love this game, I mean I LOVE this game. Unfortunately, back then on the PlayStation 2, we only had the second games playable disc. I wasn’t already off the rip making stories right after this, of course not, I was a baby still learning English in the 3rd grade, but I was old enough to understand the surface level concept of the story and what the characters were, especially since it was, again, Disney related. Now that I am older, I am 100% about to do a deep dive into this! 

Okay, so the lore goes very deep, so deep it can get confusing. So, let’s start with the basics of what Kingdom hearts actually is as a game. And I mean we’re we’re not even scratching ice off the iceberg with this the lore goes THAT deep. 

So, let’s start with the Disney’s perspective first, because I feel as if we’ll get more interest if I explain this first. There is also a final fantasy perspective but that one is bit more sectioned off and has better moments when it appears in the game but also a huge part of the story. 

And what better way to start it than with: 

King Mickey

The face of Disney and one of the main important characters in Kingdom Hearts. He’s the king of Disney Castle alongside his Queen, Minnie Mouse. With his most trusted and loyal companions, guardsman and wizard.

Donald 

 

And Goofy 

Mickey is a chosen holder of the Key blade, if you scroll back up to the top, you can see a key shaped blade in his hand. That is a keyblade. The lore goes even deeper with Keyblades. Keyblades are weapons that help its wielder cast magic, enhance their strength and unlocks or locks gate ways or barriers to and between worlds. 

Refer to the first image in this blog. Notice how Mickey, Donald, and Goofy all look different compared to the three human-like people? That’s because Mickey, Donald and Goofy are from a different world than those other three and. 

I know this may get pretty confusing to understand, and even as you play through the game you learn just as slowly as you are now through this blog. That’s because each part of the story was released at a different date in time. 

Even if you’re not a video game person, and really just care about the Disney characters (like how little me was at first) then hopefully you’ll get some joy out of that because each world they go to is a Disney movie world (except for a couple) 

Some of those worlds are:

The Little Mermaid World: Atlantis 

 

Lion King World: The Pride Lands 

 

Disney Castle and Steamboat Wallie world: Timeless River

10 Best Kingdom Hearts Worlds That Capture the Magic of the Franchise ...

Mulan’s world: The Land of Dragons

Best Worlds In Kingdom Hearts 2

Beauty and the Beast: Beasts Castle 

Kingdom Hearts 2- #16 - Beasts Castle - The Curse! - YouTube

Hercules: Olympus Coliseum  

Ranking: My Favorite Worlds From “Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix”

Pirates of the Caribbean: Port Royal

Guida Port Royal - seconda visita (Kingdom Hearts 2) | Kingdom Hearts ...

 

Nightmare before Christmas: Halloween Town 

Halloween Town - Reverse/Rebirth - Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories ...

Aladdin: Agrabah 

Guide for KINGDOM HEARTS - HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX - KH2: Agrabah

Tron’s World: Space Paranoids

Kingdom Hearts 2 - Episode 37 | Space Paranoids - YouTube

Winnie the Pooh: 100 Acer Woods 

Guide for KINGDOM HEARTS - HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX - KH2: 100 Acre Wood

And others such as Hallow Bastion, Twilight Town, Destiny Islands and more, but those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head. The worlds listed above are the correlating world in the second game of Kingdom Hearts out of many! Other games like the First Kingdom hearts had worlds like:

Tarzan

Alice in wonderland

Peter pan 

The Third game has worlds like:

Frozen

Tangled 

Toy Story 

Pirates of the Caribbean (But it’s “At worlds end”) and so on so forth! 

So yeah! Now you understand a little bit of what this game is about and what all is included in it. I want to bestow the honor of picking my first world to cover up to you guys. It can be from the first game second or third if you want to research a little bit I can tell you all about those worlds and what special effects come with it. 

I hope you guys enjoy these last few blogs just as much as I do. I can’t wait to read some of your responses and what you guys think! The most selected world by the majority of you will be covered in the next blog and I’ll do the same for the rest as well (If no one picks, I’ll just go in order) 

Oh yeah, did I mention you can summon a special somebody to help you fight? 

Stitch Summon | Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix - YouTube

 

 

 

 

last blog

Over the past two years, I’ve found my home. Now, I’m not going to be mushy, but I do think that my last blog post here at MSA should be a recap of my time here and what I’ve learned. I want to talk about some of my favorite pieces of writing I never would’ve known about had I not come here, along with some of my favorite works of my own.

Starting off, I want to talk about Girl by Jamaica Kincaid.

Girl is a short story set in the second person, representing a conversation between a mother and daughter. This story depicts societal expectations and the relationships between mothers and daughters in such a creative way, using a tutorial form as a way to protect the daughter and shield her from societal judgement and bias.

Next, one of my own works, sphynx.

I wrote sphynx as a triptych poem. Inspired by the threefold form of the most well-known sphinx riddles, I decided to put my own spin on it. The original riddle goes like this: “In the morning I walk on four legs, in the afternoon I walk on two, and in the evening I walk on three. What am I?” In the original greek myth, Oedipus answered “Man, we crawl as a babe, stand on two feet as adults, and must use a cane as elders.” I was very interested in how this threefold could apply to emotions and time of day, and based my poem on that. Here it is below.

this morning I am anger. i have opened up the insides of an oracle to hear the cries of my people. i crack apart the digital ribcage to gnaw on the bleeding heart prostrating itself in efforts for more oxygen, begging me for more time even as the beats run out. her sand is slipping through the hourglass of my hips. stuck between my toes, it becomes significant as i tread the forever desert.

this afternoon, i am sadness. left with little limerence to spare for the love of my life, I crumble. limestone pillars cannot bear the weight of my insecurity and lack of affection. cannot hold the broken body, bare and bloody, begging to be mine. bring his love to me and let me feast, lap up every lisp and wisp of passion, cosmic feline drinking up the moon.

tonight, I am joy. when the final lamplight dims, my face will split open, and the asteroids of my teeth will travel all the worlds inaccessible to rockets. my body will aflame and burst apart, the stardust of my soul splintering off like the split seam of a tree being.

When I applied to MSA, I was told there was no way I could make it, but I’m graduating in under a month’s time, and I’m so happy that I got to be here right now.

Dead Poets Society in Retrospect

Released in 1989, Dead Poets Society is a cult classic movie about boyhood, creativity, and mental health. The screenplay was written by Tom Schulman and the movie was directed by Peter Weir. The film starred popular actors in their youth, such as Ethan Hawke, Robert Sean Leonard, and the late Robin Williams. There are many topics that the film handles extremely well, which is why it has become such a cult classic and fan favorite through multiple generations. However, there are still many issues with the film that have been ignored and looked over in its popularity. In this blog, I will be discussing the successes and failures of this movie, as well as how I personally would change things up. 

For those who may not know, Dead Poets Society is about a group of wealthy, white men who are in their senior year at a prestigious private boarding school. The film also takes place somewhere around 1959-1960, which is another aspect of context that I find particularly important. The film discusses a number of themes, though the central focus is around these young men breaking out of the status quo and seizing the day, so they might seize their whole life. 

Many of the main characters feel bound to the expectations of their fathers- other rich white men with successful careers. Multiple characters express the dread they feel, knowing their future had been completely orchestrated by their parents and they’re cursed with following in their father’s footsteps. For characters like Neil Perry (played by Robert Sean Leonard), this expectation is too much. Neil has dreams of pursuing theater and acting, as he has a strong love for the arts. However, Neil’s father forbids this life and expects his son to follow after him. 

Neil’s character is a perfect example of the successes of Dead Poets Society. Neil Perry is a creative, light hearted, and extroverted person. He is brave enough to go against his father’s wishes and audition for a local production of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Throughout the movie, Neil is shown to be happy and carefree. He is caring and kind toward his friends, he does well in school, he gets along with others. When he gets to perform in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Neil is shown to be truly and completely happy. His friends attend the performance and get to enjoy it with him. However, Neil’s father is also there. After the play, Neil’s father takes him home and threatens him with military school. Neil feels stuck. He truly believes that he’ll never be able to live his true self, because of his father. This realization and subsequent dread leads Neil to suicide. 

Neil Perry is a uniquely perfect example of what depression and suicidal ideation can look like in people. The movie does an excellent job at showing how free Neil feels on stage and pursuing his love for acting, as well as the horrid contrast of the life his parents have forced upon him. The movie shows what is truly at stake for Neil if he follows after his father. Neil’s rebellion- acting in the play, starting the dead poets society- has true purpose and meaning within the film and his character. 

The other characters in Dead Poets Society are not nearly as well rounded. For example, Charlie Dalton is more or less the comedic relief of the movie. He is crude and charismatic. He wants to rebel against his dad and against the higher ups at his school, but he doesn’t truly pursue that rebellion. There is nothing truly revolutionary about Charlie’s beliefs. In fact, he’s pretty racist and misogynistic. He only cares about breaking the status quo when it suits him. 

Similarly, Knox Overstreet is another character who falls flat in his revolutionary beliefs. He objectifies women and gropes a girl he allegedly is in love with, while she’s in a relationship with someone else. He also completely abandons his friends to try and pursue a girl who wants nothing to do with him. On top of all of that, he doesn’t seem all too interested in rebelling against the system at all. He is aware of how the world serves him, as he is a wealthy white man, and he’s content with keeping it that way. 

There are characters who, while not detrimental in their characteristics, fall flat and could’ve been much more compelling. Stephen Meeks and Gerrad Pitts (I put them together because they are inseparable in the movie and in how they’re written) are both extremely smart and have a lot of opportunities open for them because of that. Pitts talks about possibly going to Yale. He and Meeks engineer an illegal radio so they can listen to music and dance in their free time. They are both supportive of Neil’s dead poets society and avidly participate in meetings. However, we don’t get to know much more about them besides these things. In my opinion, these two could’ve provided a whole different perspective to the revolutionary beliefs shared throughout the movie. The two characters inspired one of my own short stories, specifically the radio that they created and the implications of this creation. I truly feel these two had much more potential, but they were washed to the background by Knox and Charlie. 

Similarly, Todd Anderson is a wonderfully written character who struggles with anxiety, family issues, and the expectations of him to become just like his older brother. He also grows extremely close with Neil Perry, to the point there is speculation about the nature of their friendship. The two were extremely close and, after learning about Neil’s death, Todd is lost and distraught. Throughout the movie, we get to see Todd embrace his talent as a poet and become more and more confident in himself. However, we don’t get to know much more about him. To some extent, we only really see him through how he affects others. We see how he cares for and assists Neil Perry. We see how he inspires their teacher, Mr. Keating. We see how the other dead poets society members appreciate him. We don’t get to hear how he feels or what he wants. His character could’ve provided much more to the plot as a whole if we got to hear more from him and his perspective. 

While a controversial character, I also feel that Richard Cameron could’ve provided more to the story. I appreciate the inclusion of a character who is anxious or simply against his friend’s desire to rebel and break the rules. I wish there was more to why he feels this way though. He is shown to be a teacher’s pet and a snitch, but we don’t get to know why. I wish we could’ve learned more about him and his motives. 

So, how would I change things? For one, I would rewrite Knox and Charlie’s characters in their near entirety. While I completely understand and agree that some characters can and are racist and misogynistic, especially in stories that are meant to mirror the real world. However, I don’t think those characters are needed in this story. In fact, I think they draw away from the entire message and moral of Dead Poets Society. I would add more to the other characters I’ve mentioned and expand more on their beliefs and motives. 

Generally, I feel that this movie is missing a lot of motive. Neil is the only character where it’s clear why he wants to rebel and break the rules. He has a true, life or death reason. The other characters sort of just fall in suit behind him, because he’s their friend. I wish we got to learn more about each of the boys, even if it was just small bits of characterization, so we could understand why they want to break the rules. Similarly, they love to complain about becoming doctors and lawyers like their dads, but they never talk about what they really want from life. Neil and Todd are the only ones who seem to know what they want from life. Everyone else just seems angry for no reason, and it makes everything else in the plot seem similarly weak. 

On top of all of this, this movie takes place in the late fifties/early sixties and follows a group of privileged white men as they complain about the extremely privileged and fortunate life that they’re being “forced” to live. While I understand the basic idea that’s being conveyed here, I feel like it fails to properly portray it. It’s hard to sympathize with these characters because they have it so good, yet that’s not good enough for them. Again, this would feel a lot different if we got to know more about them and got to understand what exactly they’re missing out on in life. But we don’t. So it all just feels … meh.

Anyways, I haven’t watched this movie in a couple years. I used to watch it all the time, back in middle school. It meant a lot to me back then and I still love it now. It has inspired a number of my short stories and poems and is the whole reason I got back into poetry in 8th grade. However, it has its faults. I wanted to reflect on said faults, while also reflecting on the aspects of it that I did enjoy. Don’t let this blog fool you, I do love Dead Poets Society. I’m just viewing it with a more skeptical eye, now that my rose-colored glasses have lifted. 

End Of Year Burnout

 

Yes, the word that everyone goes through every painful year, “burnout,” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Like, for one person, they may look at math on a board and see a bunch of hieroglyphics; for someone else, when they stare at a screen, all they may see is static. For me, my mind would be blank, like no creativity going in or out. I’m surprised that I can even write this blog. With all the factors of college submission, scholarship requests, math, and figuring out how to tell the aunt who says I sound like a little white girl she’s not coming to my graduation, can you really blame me for being burnt out? 

This is normal because our brains can’t function like a super-powered engine 24/7. Everyone sometimes needs time at a repair shop to get this. Well, what type of car am I? I want to say I’ll be a truck, maybe with a forest green coat, but I know for dang sure I’m not a Cybertruck. I’m much more classy than that.

Okay, that’s enough trying to discuss what type of car I am. The reason I’m writing this post is to help you become your own mechanic for that maybe not-so-sharp brain of yours. I’m going to tell you some ways I repair my brain. While some of these ways are pricey, it’s worth it to keep a stable brain or whatever you all want. 

 

  1. Vacation 

Ok, we all knew I was going to say “vacation.” I mean, come on, when does a person not feel refreshed and ready to face the world after a vacation? A break away from all the annoying critters, a break from all the assignments, and a break from people telling you what to do, and you get to see new things to restart that creative brain.

 

  1. Shopping 

Now I’m not trying to tell you to develop bad habits with shopping, but whenever I buy something, it’s like a weight off my shoulders, and I just love it. And I mean shopping for clothes, food, or books; I prefer books.

 

  1. Walk.

This is probably one of the freest things you can do anymore. Plus, you can go on a nice walk anywhere. Well, ok, let’s not say everywhere, say most places. Imagine the wind blowing through your hair and the relaxation you get from it. It’s so relaxing and mood-improving. 

 

  1. Swimming 

Now I’m pretty sure most towns have a public swimming pool. Go there and just float in the water, and if you can’t swim, drown. I know not the best thing to do, but hey, imagine how it’s going to feel after that (I’m not actually telling you to drown). Let the water caress your body; trust me, it’s a good feeling for 1 or 2 hours. After that, it will feel like concrete, but it still feels good.

 

  1. Family time

Ah, the good old saying: you never have fun unless it’s with your family. I personally have never had that saying said to me. I made it up just now, but you don’t have any proof of that, so I win. But “family” is a general term; it could also mean friends, cousins, pets, or strangers you meet in dark alleyways. I’m not picky. Spending time with it will help you clear your head and get you ready to face your challenges head on. 

 

Well, I hope you all enjoy my advice, and I’ll see you all next time. If you all have any other suggestions, I’d be happy to take them.

 

2026: My Most Dreaded Year

I’ve written about the new year about three different times, and I don’t think I’m going to stop anytime soon, even a month in. 2026 is going to be my biggest year yet: I’m graduating high school, I’m starting college, I’m traveling, and– I’m graduating high school?

I’ve heard the phrase “Class of 2026” for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t understand what it actually meant until elementary school. 

“Class of 2026 means you’re graduating in the year 2026,” my extremely patient teacher told me probably after I walked up to her during recess.

“What’s graduating?” I probably asked her, like an idiot.

“It’s when you’re done with school and maybe go to college.”

“Why would we do that?”

I already knew I was going to become the girl that I am today: terrified of growing up and unhealthily attached to the past. When I turned eight, I thought I wanted to be six years old forever. And then I turned ten and wanted to be eight years old forever. That continued until I became a teenager and realized I would never want to live in objectively the worst, most awkward stage of my life any longer than I had to. 

But I couldn’t fathom a time in my life where I didn’t go to school. Obviously I knew adults that were out of school with jobs and kids, but I never imagined that being me. I thrived off of getting good grades, taking notes, and showing off my report card. So I became terrified of graduating and with that, the phrase “Class of 2026”. I would hold back tears when the teacher went on long rants about preparing us for college and I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate.

I avoided the phrase until middle school when I decided that 2026 was so far away there was no reason to worry about it in the first place. I shrugged off the phrase whenever it was mentioned and I breezed through middle school only focusing on the present. I’d say it was an alright time. Then high school arrived…

I was in concert band, so I got the chance to meet and get close to seniors as a freshman. And in May, I attended a graduation ceremony for the first time. It was only when I was sitting in the second row of woodwinds, clutching my oboe in my sweaty hands, in the middle of playing “Pomp and Circumstance”, I realized that I would be walking that same stage in less than four years.  That’s when the fear came back. 

I would get nauseous when I imagined myself in a cap and gown and, again, I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate. It was like I slipped right back into the elementary school version of myself – terrified of growing up, constantly avoiding the phrase. But I couldn’t stop time, so my sophomore year came and went, then I left to come to MSA.

I certainly feel different about graduating now. Not only am I going to be walking across a completely different stage, but I’m actually excited to graduate. I don’t mean MSA isn’t serving me anymore, it’s not like that at all. I really enjoy being at MSA and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean the future has so much that I’m extremely excited for. And graduating is the first step to getting closer to that. 

I would shock my elementary school self by saying that I’m completely comfortable with the idea of graduating, maybe even my middle school self too. I don’t avoid it, brush it off, or completely crumble at the thought of it anymore. I’m equally as happy with the present as I am excited for the future. There is so much here and there is so much waiting for me at the same time. After hearing “Class of 2026” my whole life, and having very complicated feelings about it, I’m excited to confront the phrase head on by taking it to heart and holding it above my head when I walk across that stage in May.

I originally meant for this to be more on my feelings about 2026 and what it’s like being a part of the Class of 2026. I think, somehow, I hit the target enough to be happy with this and what I’ve said. There’s a lot to be said about the time passing between first discovering what Class of 2026 actually meant and now finally earning that title but I highly doubt I’m emotionally ready to go in depth about that. But it’s really beautiful when you can actively watch yourself change and see how much you’ve grown. I hope I continue to be this conscious of my growth and the way time passes when I enter, and eventually graduate, college. Honestly, I just can’t wait for my brain to fully develop and travel, have my own place, and achieve all my goals. I think I just dislike being a teenager, which is weird. If you asked 16-year-old Steph anything, she would tell you about how much she loved being a teen girl completely unprompted. It’s really funny the way we change in such a short amount of time.

Road Trip

In my last blog, I talked about college preparation and how I had somewhat of an idea of my future and how I knew I wanted to move out with a friend and live off campus from the University of South Carolina. But I also stated at the beginning that one day I would look back at that blog and see how different things worked out. Now, just as I predicted, my plans have almost completely changed. 

I realize now that I am not made for being in one place. My freedom is something I hold very dear to me, but right now it feels restricted. I have spent years waiting for the day I graduate so I don’t have to be tied down by the title of teenager or student. It feels very inferior to me, and I know that I am more than just that. And I also know that there is more to life that just being told what to do and how to do it. So, after all this waiting, why would I subject myself to go to a place that’s going to make me work like a dog for the rest of my life just to pay it off. College, though I understand its importance, is just another cage to me now. I do not want to spend so much money on something that gets me nothing. I do not want to be one of those people who spent four years working on a degree just to not be able to find a job anywhere and have to pay off debt for the rest of my life. It would all be a waste. I understand many don’t see it that way, but I do.

I have a primary plan right now that I cannot talk about yet, so if it doesn’t work out, I have a backup plan that is just as good to me. The world is full of beauty, and I want to find it all. When I graduate, I want to move to South Carolina with my father and work on a project with him. After a lot of working and saving, I plan to buy a van so me and him can renovate it for living capabilities. I wouldn’t need much. Just a bed with storage space under, an electric generator or solar panels (most like not solar panels), and whatever else I find I may need. Once this project is done, I am on the road. My first destination is New York City. I have dreamed of seeing it my entire life, no matter how many people say it’s not all that. I’ve been jotting down the places I want to go in New York, allowing me to learn a lot of cool things about the area.

After New York, I will start heading up and down the U.S. going through all 50 states. This will obviously be over the course of a year or two. While doing this, I plan to work a freelance job in journalism while writing a book and documenting my travel. Once I’m done with the U.S. it is time for the world tour. That’s likely to be planned a lot later.

I understand that this is somewhat unrealistic and kind of crazy, but I know that in today’s world, it is better to chase your dreams than try to make money. And the price of college in just as unrealistic in my opinion. I hope this made sense. There is so much more but then this would be one-hundred pages long. If you want to know more feel free to ask me about it.

How I’m Healing My Inner Child

Since I’ve started my senior year of high school, I’ve adopted a very special personal project. Unfortunately it’s not a YouTube channel, a new sketchbook, or a novel (yet!). I’ve started a journey to heal my inner child! When I began, I didn’t intend for this to be a fully structured journey. It was more so a way of living that I wanted to establish for myself. I simply decided: I’m going to start doing things for little me rather than anyone else.

Everyone’s heard the term “healing your inner child,” maybe even too much. But as a 17-soon-turning-18-year-old, I think it’s a really important journey for everyone to go on regardless of age. In teenagers, it directs you on a path that might help limit the stress of graduating, college-searching, and the incoming terror of officially being an adult. And if you’re not a teenager, maybe an adult, I think healing your inner child is still a worthy journey to go on. Your childhood years are even further from your moment in life so I can see it being even more gratifying. 

I think an idea I see a lot is that you can get to a point where your inner child is healed and you’re done forever. I don’t really see it that way, I believe it’s a constant practice. You can’t go back into time and actually change the way that things happened in your childhood. Even if you think your inner child is “healed”, you wouldn’t be the same if your childhood was never hurt (as sad as it is to admit). So why stop there?

While healing my inner child, I’ve learned that it gets worse before it gets better, but that can be said for a lot of things in life. There’ve been many dips in my journey and I honestly think those are very necessary in doing it effectively. (Note: I thought about saying “right” rather than “effectively” and I want to use this as an opportunity to say there’s no right way to heal your inner child. My description of my own journey is no way a series of instructions. It’s more of a preparatory description of this kind of project and what I’ve been experiencing.)

When retracing your steps to your most formative years, you’ll probably be reminded of unpleasant moments. You might also become depressed thinking about childhood. It sounds terrible to say that it’s normal but in this context, I’m sure it is. Starting your journey is difficult when you have to go back in time to the reason why your childhood doesn’t feel fulfilled. Also nostalgia is a sickening feeling and you’ll have it constantly in your journey, just adding to that depression.

I’ve realized that healing your inner child is also extremely embarrassing! I’m humiliated to admit that I watch My Little Pony, Aphmau’s MyStreet series, and 10-year-old LDShadowlady and Vixella videos. But that’s literally what it’s about. It’s embarrassing and that’s perfectly fine. If it makes you happy deep down in your soul, where the little you resides, that is all that matters. 

After it gets better, though, it’s unbelievably rewarding. You feel free and your life becomes yours again. It’s fun when you live for that little kid you used to be. There’s still some major dips but I think that just comes with high school. 

When you think you’re done, when your inner child feels healed enough to move on, it’s important to keep catering to that little you so your progress doesn’t get rewritten as you enter a new stage in your life. Keep watching that childhood favorite show when things in college get hard, keep pursuing that childhood dream as a hobby when your job feels like it’s asking too much of you, keep doing things the younger you loved when you feel lost. 

The reason I think things like this are so important is because I believe our child selves are the truest versions of us. That’s us before any wrong doings from older generations, before the terrifying experience of growing up, before the stresses of society and adult life. Those things change us for the worse. They make us angry, scared, and small minded. Live as if the little you is controlling the organic machine of your brain. You’ll take more risks, say no to things you actually wanted to say no to and yes to things you wanted to say yes to, you’ll laugh more, play more, generally do more things that give you an archive of experiences that change you for the better.

I feel silly being not even 18 talking about the horrors of being an adult. I haven’t even gotten there yet, but I’ll admit that I am terrified. Imagine it’s not even that bad for me when I get there (I highly doubt it). Maybe it won’t be if I’m already preparing like this. 

This was partially an excuse to be able to talk about how proud I’ve made my younger self. I’m pursuing her dreams of being an author and I’m working on fulfilling her dream of having a YouTube channel. I’m dyeing my hair the way she’s always wanted, and I’ve never been happier with how it looks. And I’m being extremely cringe like she always was. That’s really what this post is about, I just didn’t know how to gracefully fit it in here.

The Author and the Protagonist

I, like any passionate writer, really love characters. And before I wrote tragic backstories, draining developments, and colorful personalities, I actually drew them! I wasn’t serious about drawing and writing until fourth grade, but drawing was definitely my first love. I wouldn’t say I was any good until eighth or ninth grade, but I was unbelievably passionate and I think that’s what really matters here. I would draw countless characters and somehow intertwine them with crazy storylines. I would make comics, animatics or animations, and fill my sketchbooks with shocking speed.

Eventually, when I did try my fourth grade hand at seriously writing for a personal hobby, my first vivid memory of this was in my math class after I finished my morning work. I opened my composite notebook and wrote about three full pages throughout the whole class with a story where I was the main character and I described my adventures as a famous Youtuber. Honestly, it was really cute. I was nine years old writing about being best friends with my favorite Youtubers and living out my dream (that may or may not still be my dream eight years later).

With my first experience of seriously writing being, more or less, self-insert fanfiction, this started a deep connection to my protagonists. I mean, my first protagonist was literally me. I was writing from my perspective, what I would do, and how I would react. So when I did, thankfully, move onto original work with characters that I didn’t suspiciously share a name with, I found myself exploring the main character a lot deeper than I thought I would’ve. I absolutely believe that this was because I wanted to match my knowledge of my protagonist to my own knowledge of myself. It was a strenuous method of developing my characters but it’s definitely helped me later down the line. 

As I write more short stories, more little worlds to dive into and explore, I’ve been admiring the art of creating a fictional world. It’s an unbelievably beautiful process and, at least in my life, it’s not talked about enough.

Of course, there are many different ways of creating a fictional world. Creating a fantasy world from scratch is completely different than a modern day story in the U.S. but the only thing that’s different is (insert random event here) never happened. Worldbuilding is still a craft that I haven’t learned much about. The thing that I’m really interested in is character.

People say if you base your characters off of people you know in real life, it makes them seem more real. Regardless, you’re still creating a new character. This is a new life you’re breathing into from an idea in your head. 

The relationship between the author and the protagonist is something that’s infested my mind for a few months now. The protagonist, if we’re excluding metanarratives, doesn’t know of the author’s existence. And the author knows everything about the protagonist. The protagonist goes on about their life, perhaps believing in another religion in their world not knowing their real creator is, for (totally not a specific) example, a teenage girl in art school sitting on a unicorn blanket in her dorm… 

There’s something specifically intimate about being someone’s creator. Outside of art and religion, there’s not many areas of life that reflect this. Motherhood is the only one that comes to my mind and, yet, as someone’s mother, your child will eventually grow up and become their own person that you can’t control and may not know the full extent of. Creating a fictional character does just that. You can control them, know them more than you know yourself, and you get the privilege to say they’re yours.

I love creating new characters. My favorite ones usually come from stories that I haven’t even fleshed out yet or stories based on my favorite games or media. As I’m preparing for national novel writing month and even getting ready for a personal project in December, lots of characters have been on my mind. And, of course, I’m trying to get to know them better than I know myself right now (which shouldn’t be hard). Some ways I do that is through making family trees, Pinterest boards, Spotify playlists, and “headcanons” even though they’re my own characters so it’s just… “canons” even though that’s not very fun. One thing that I haven’t been doing, though, is drawing them. Hopefully I can return to visual arts again when I have more time. I miss my first love (drawing).

I’m so glad I was able to finally talk about this idea. The relationship between the protag and author is something that’s been rotting my brain since the beginning of this school year. It took a lot for me to not research for this blog and use my own input because I was afraid I would unintentionally rip-off someone’s ideas. So this is completely from my own head and I’ll probably research more for my own sake. This blog was a lot more laid back than I thought it would be but diving into the anxiety-inducing intimacy of being someone’s creator just isn’t what I want to talk about so I substituted that for how much I love making characters.

The Origins of the Mask: A SallyFace Deepdive

Created by game development company Portable Moose and released from 2016 to 2019, SallyFace is a visual novel that follows the life of a young boy named Sal Fisher. The art style is rough, almost-appearing hand drawn. The game is played with a basic movement and fighting style, very similar to 90s video games that inspired the creator. While the gameplay is simple, the story that the game follows is difficult for most players to follow. Each episode goes back and forth between the past and the present, with new information being learned in all timelines. The story of this game can be confusing to understand by someone who has simply played it once. This blog will lay out the story from beginning to end, focused on the actual timeline rather than the game’s retelling.

Our story starts all the way back in 1623 with the establishment of the fictional town of Nockfell. This town was created around Wendigo Lake by a Native American tribe known as the “Greys”. Then, in 1663, Citali Grey had a vision. She was the tribe’s seer and she tells the tribe members an undisclosed prophecy that brings a specific group of tribe members closer together. This faction of the Grey tribe forms the Devourers of God, a cult that will be ever present through the rest of this story. Sometimes in the late 1600s, colonists showed up to the town of Nockfell. Citalali would marry one of the colonists, a man named Wesley Rosenberg, to unite the two groups. By 1681, the Devourers of God had constructed an under-ground temple and, by 1703, the Phelps Ministry was built over the temple to protect its secrecy. From then on, ceremonial marriages between Grey tribe members and Phelps descendants would occur.

The mid-1700s brought Citali Gray’s final prophecy. This prophecy becomes the cult’s doctrine as they fear the doom of their people. This is her final prophecy, transcribed:

“The blue flame, not extinguished, still flickers in the night. He that sees between worlds, Child of The Abomination. Wielding light beyond man, pierces through the endless black. Betrayer of our kind, resurrected by Asintmah. His sword, blood of man, rises to protect the Great Atrocity and prevent the triumph of humankind.”

Citali Gray

From this point on, the cult grows exponentially. By 1887, the Addison apartments were constructed in Nockfell. These apartments, created by the Addison family, would have a son in 1905 named Terrence. His family makes a deal with the Devourers of God so Terrence is “blessed”; they want him to be the vessel for something referred to as The Endless One. Without the public’s knowledge, high members of the cult begin feeding human flesh to Terrence so that he may become a habitable host for The Endless One. From 1917 to 1932, Terrence’s soul was consumed and destroyed by The Endless One. This creature kills Terrence’s parents, leaving him completely in the hands of the cult. The cult locks Terrance up in his room, at the Addison apartments, to keep this secret from the public. They use The Endless One as a source of power. By 1938, the cult was able to summon a shadow; a creature similar to The Endless One that they wished to use when fighting the Child of The Abomination.

Over the next few years, unclear of exact dates, a series of important events occurred. A man named Luke Holmes joins the cults and climbs the ranks until he is one of the high council members. Sometime after that, an alien-planet is consumed by the shadow creatures that the cult has been summoning. While most of the aliens are killed, two siblings are able to escape with their lives. These siblings, Jim and Evelyn Johnson, flee to Earth through unclear means. Evelyn is lost to a world between the Spectral and Physical planes of Earth, while Jim is able to take on a human form. Jim takes residence in the Addison apartments, soon meeting and marrying the janitor that works there- a woman named Lisa. They would go on to have a son named Larry in 1975. A few more important characters were born around this time. Travis Phelps was also born in 1975. Sal Fisher and Ashley Campbell were born in 1976 and, in 1977, Todd Morrison was born.

Now, despite Citlali having her last prophecy in the mid-1700s, another prophecy is had in 1906 by another seer. This prophecy stated that a ‘man from the sky’ would aid in the Devourers efforts to summon a demon in the physical plane. Given the fact that Jim Johnson is an alien, the cult believes he is the prophesied ‘man from the sky’. While Jim’s wife and son are unaware of his true identity, the cult seems to know immediately and begin attempting to persuade him to join them. Eventually, following the stillbirth of his second child, Jim agrees to join the cult in 1983. He disappears without telling his family. 

Despite this, Jim Johnson is still adamantly against the cult and their beliefs. He is the one to document most of their actions, timeline, and members. Around the same time Jim joins the cult, he writes:

“Now they’re planning a mass murder of children across the globe! They think these kids are a threat to them. I have to stop this from happening. This damn cult is dealing with powerful forces they don’t understand. I’ve been secretly sabotaging their efforts where I can but I’m going to need to take greater action to stop the killings.”

Jim Johnson

(It should be noted, the cult is planning this mass execution of children due to the prophecy and belief that one of these children will be the Child of The Abomination.)

New Jersey, 1984. Sal Fisher goes on a picnic with his family. At this time, Sal is 8 years old. While on their picnic, young Sal sees a dog off in the distance and begs his mom to go pet it. Sal’ mother, Diane Fisher, agrees and she takes Sal over to see the dog. When they reach it, it becomes apparent that it isn’t a dog at all. Wearing a dog mask is the pastor of Phelps Ministry and Archbishop of the Devourers of God, Kenneth Phelps. He had been sent on a mission to kill Sal Fisher and was armed with a shotgun. He shoots at Sal and his mother, possibly intending to kill them both, but he only managed to kill Diance. Sal is protected by his mother, but the proximity of the bullet to his head leaves him with  one eye and severe facial scars. From this point on, Sal would wear a prosthetic face mask. This mask would result in relentless teasing and bullying at school, including the nickname ‘Sally Face’. 

Given how long this blog already is, I’m going to call it here. The next post will dive more into the story that most people are familiar with. Again, I encourage you to play through the game yourself, or even watch a gaming youtuber play. There are many play throughs on youtube (I recommend Jacksepticeye). That’s all for now. I’ll see you in the next part.