Tag: ramble

Executing ideas… ꉂ(°□°’˶)

Having so many ideas regarding pieces sounds pleasant and fun but coming around to execute said ideas is a different story. Firstly, my idea sounds great to me, and I share them to my friends, and they agree it sounds great. Then I get to trying to flesh it out. The direction of how the characters interact feels wrong, how the plot moves feel wrong, basically every component of the story falls flat to me. It’s a cycle even with the stories I was most excited to write about. Even the pieces I made that others have enjoyed well enough doesn’t sit right with me. It might just be my personal judge (my mind) speaking to me. Now, I would like to share some sentences that I made in the first thoughts practice that I liked but didn’t use it in the follow-up assignment due to it not fitting right with the piece.

“A tree caked in blood whispers in my ear of secrets it stole from you.”

 “My blood seeps into your bones as my heart whispers your name.”

“Drag me to our coffin so we can rot together.”

“Hang my limbs as decor while my rotting scent snuggles into the cloth of your furniture.”

“Wrap your fingers around the blade that’ll tear my skin for you to crawl in and be whole with me.”

Now a lot of these share a similar theme. The speakers wants someone to be with them, but it’s conveyed in a morbid way. I did like these ideas for a main character that could develop into this unhealthy mindset, but it would have to come another time as I’m working a whole lot on other projects. My idea for this speaker isn’t that they’re in ‘love’, it’s obsession instead, and not the glorified version where the obsessed one is a ‘hopeless romantic’. I’d like to think of this main character growing attached to whoever they’re talking to that develops into this unhealthy obsession. Within these lines, it does feel like a little power imbalance as the speaker wants the person to initiate all of these morbid actions. Maybe I could write more lines to steer it into a direction I’m satisfied with.

If I said there wasn’t a direct inspiration behind these lines, I’d be lying (sort of). I talked about Foxtails and IHS a good bit in previous blogs. I would say, at least the idea, the lines were based off of lyrics from both of these bands I have stored in the back of my mind.

Maybe you could pitch in some ideas also, maybe a sentence to go along with the ones I’ve listed or maybe a whole nother one for me to bounce off of. Either way, I’d love to hear it (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

Editing is Such a Hobby

Guys, editing is so not for the easily irritated. Don’t get me wrong, I love editing—it’s been my hobby since I was like ten. It has times when it’s rewarding, and then it has times when you spend hours upon hours on the same project, just for it to get completely ignored by the media. Depending on what kind of editing you do, it can prove very time consuming. Luckily for me, the style I do is very basic and honestly doesn’t take that much time if you know what you’re doing. 

 

The software I use to edit looks so complex to learn and it kinda is. It took me almost two years of using it to get where I am today, but I still try new styles here and there. Let me say, Adobe After Effects is not for the faint of heart. My first time using it I nearly cried just trying to figure out how to import and cut clips. If anyone could go into the software knowing what they were doing, I would bet on the medias since they are already familiar with Adobe. 

 

Now, depending on what style you want to learn—whether it’s 3d or a simple tiktok style—it might take longer to get mastered. I could, and probably will, never touch 3d because I know it takes so much more time, effort, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Especially with all the school work and assignments, I just wouldn’t have the time to spend six hours on a twenty second edit.

 

For me, it’s a really fun hobby that I actually enjoy. If you see me with my laptop, I’m always doing one of three things—school work, watching youtube, or editing something. When I listen to music, I find myself unconsciously listening to the beats and thinking in my head, “This would be a great audio for an edit.” It’s almost annoying. But, it’s thrilling to see your visions come alive on a screen through transitions and hand-picked scenes. 

 

As I’m writing this, I just finished an edit earlier that I actually like. Being in the middle of school, it’s hard to find time to just sit down and work on an edit, especially one that I don’t know if I like. But hey, I somehow manage to find time between things. The edit I just made, from the coloring to the effects, is honestly my favorite one that I’ve made in a long time, and that’s saying something. Posting it is gonna be so fun. 

My Best Friend moved to Germany.

I knew it would happen for probably a year in advance. She would talk about it, I would listen, and I guess I just turned my ears off to the fact that this wasn’t make-believe. We weren’t eight years old playing pretend, swaddled up in a blanket and giggling between each other. This wasn’t Im gonna live in England, and we’ll live together with three cats and two dogs. This was actual real life.

I’m very aware of my place at MSA, and how exactly I’m privileged just to be here. We all got in by application. We all went through the same audition process and proved ourselves either talented or capable. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped to really soak in the fact that this is all my life, and now that I have I’ve been faced with the fact that this is fleeting.

My dorm has been my home for a year, almost two. I will likely never see this dorm again once I leave. I love our school’s library so much, even if I don’t read as often as I should. I love our campus, our classrooms, and our teachers. I’ve never stopped to celebrate myself. Part of the reason is because no one has let me. Either my mom, or my siblings, or my friends. Sometimes myself. Sometimes big problems that I couldn’t possibly tackle in my life alone, like the government or the world. Another part of the reason is I never quite think its real.

The only reason I’m thinking now is because I’ve seen her a lot less. I’ve never really seen her, really. In the almost five years I’ve known her, she’s lived 6,854 miles away. Out of all of my current friends, I’ve known her the longest. We met at twelve in a cavetown discord server of all things, through a friend neither of us really have anymore. Now we’re seventeen, she’s in this weird college-highschool thing that I don’t understand and I’m here, at MSA. A senior. We’ve grown up together. I watched not one, not two, but three of my favorite shows ever just for her, and discovered so much about myself. I’ve seen her through two relationships, a situationship, and about six crushes. She’s seen me through the worst years of my life, immediately followed by my best. I knew I would see less of her when exams started.

( You hear the stories about kids in European or Asian countries quite literally dying over their exam seasons, and I thought it was some weird stereotype that didn’t actually happen.. no. It’s the most true. She taught me something, some sort of 50-10-50 studying thing that I use for writing now. I don’t think it was always like this, but she’d always text me during her ten minute breaks and we’d talk about anything. She would push it off for ten extra minutes just to talk a little longer. She’d say “I need to study, Danny” and I’d tell her “You hate me.” She never left. Exam season is brutal for bystanders as well. )

Which is why I sort of knew everything that was happening as it happened. I knew about her studying German, her language exams and how poorly she THOUGHT she did, because it was hard. I also knew when they got scores back and she had some of the best. I knew what schools she wanted to get in, and which ones she went to anyways. She’s one of the most dedicated people I know, if not the most.

I knew when she got accepted, and I knew when her VISA got approved. I guess the stress of MSA just kept me from fully appreciating the fact that my best friend was in the process of achieving her, like, actual dream. I remember when she didn’t even know what she wanted to do. She would go back and forth between her family and herself, over and over and tell me she didn’t care when she really did and couldn’t help but care a few days later. I think I saw a little bit of her worst, too. Then she got better. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she knew who she wanted to be and who she had to be. And she figured it out.

Sometimes, I sense little dregs of doubt in her. It’s weird that people who’ve never really looked each other in the eye can read word choice so well. I know it’s a lot of pressure for me to put on someone, but honestly I trust that she’ll figure that out, too.

To round all of this out, Dr. Alexis really taught me something about gratitude. I had never considered celebrating myself an option. I haven’t won any contests, or awards. I haven’t done anything big. I mean, I barely even passed into this year, I feel… But I did pull my GPA up from the 2.4 that haunted me for the entire first semester. I got into MSA at all. I got a high score on the ACT when I really thought I’d make a 15. I learned to suck it up, stick it out, and talk about my problems. I made friends. I learned it’s okay to think that some people and their made up problems are below me, and that I do in fact have bigger problems than that. I learned to tell people that they, indeed, have bigger problems than little old danny. My GPA is on track to be at least a 3.0 by the time I graduate, which isn’t much but it’s miles better than where I started. I was on honor roll for the second semester last year.

There are so many things that I do have to be grateful for, and I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on what I don’t have. I keep telling myself things will get better, and never stop to recognize what I do have that is good. It’s insane that I realized all of this on the first day Dr. Alexis told us that celebrating was an option.

Where I was last year, starting out as freshly 16, I didn’t really realize that the next 6 years of my life was a milestone after a milestone. 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. It’s a weird thing to think about. Theres so much ahead of me, ahead of all of us. What we do, what we say, and the bonds we make right now are going to follow us. Every decision we make for the next six years will ultimately effect something else for the rest of our lives. This is the foundation… and that’s all a little weird to think about. I’ve spent my entire life preparing to be 17, and now that I am I’m spending this time preparing for what comes next. This isn’t make-believe anymore. Either you do or you don’t.

What I’m ultimately saying here is that I didn’t celebrate myself, and so I didn’t celebrate my friends how I should have. I wasn’t aware enough of how important the now is, because I was so scared as I was looking for the next thing. I hurt a lot of people, or I feel like I did, by not being there when they needed me. Specifically, Rock. I’ve most definitely talked about her before, and she really REALLY wants to see my blogs, so I’m finally letting her because she’s letting me write about her. If I were to have any advice for my juniors, and I will be urging them to read this because like I love yall, it would be to look around at who you keep around you. Will this matter? Do you want it to? I’m so serious when I say look at yourself, and who you are, and figure it out now before you make any decisions on who you want to be. Don’t keep people around who will hinder that.  This is my commentary of the year. I predict many Greek Mythology blogs.

A Short Negative Man and Nightwing Character Analysis.

A character analysis of my favorite DC heroes.

Negative man and Nightwing!!!!!!! this will be a mega yap.

Negative Man and Nightwing are two DC characters whose personalities are heavily shaped by the events of their lives and their relationships with others.  They have very different personalities and experiences, but both characters are still very empathetic and use their experiences to help the people around them. However, their empathy shows itself in very different ways. Negative Man struggles with self-worth and often has difficulty expressing his emotions, while Nightwing is naturally more open, compassionate, and focused on helping others, he still struggles with the idea of being a bother to others. Their actions are largely driven by their desire to understand where they comfortably belong and how they can protect the people they care about. 

Negative Man, also known as Larry Trainor, is a complicated character. After a solo aircraft accident causes him to become bonded with the Negative Spirit (an irradiated alien), Larry loses the normal life he once had. His powers make him feel different from other people, and he sticks himself in isolation because of it. Larry views himself as damaged and dangerous; he can be pessimistic, and sometimes emotionally distant. His behavior is not necessarily caused by a lack of care. Instead, he often pushes people away because he believes that his problems WILL eventually hurt them. It’s truthfully sad because he wants connection but has difficulty believing that he deserves it. 

Larry’s empathy comes from understanding what it feels like to be rejected and isolated. He knows what it is like to feel like an outsider (He literally has to be completely covered in bandages, or everyone dies); he can recognize the pain of other people who feel similarly misunderstood. Even when he is frustrated or bitter, he continues to care about the members of the Doom Patrol, even through their WEIRD actions. His willingness to risk himself for others reveals that his pessimistic personality does not mean he lacks compassion. In fact, his empathy is often the strongest of the doom patrol team when he sees someone else struggling. Larry’s actions are motivated by both his want to protect others and his need to prove that he still has a place in the world.

Nightwing, or Dick Grayson, has a much more outward expression of empathy. After losing his parents as a child in a circus accident, is taken in by Bruce Wayne (Batman) and becomes Robin. Batman gives him a purpose, but Dick eventually realizes that he does not want his entire identity to revolve around Batman as well as feeling he’s letting him down from growing older and not having as much time to help him. Therefore, he Becomes Nightwing which allows him to grow into his own person. His decision to leave the role of Robin is not a spite against Batman. It comes from his need for his understanding that becoming a hero should not require him to become exactly like his mentor, and that change is necessary. 

Dick’s personality is generally optimistic, social, and intelligent (not TIM DRAKE intelligent though). Unlike Batman, who creates distance between himself and others, Nightwing actively builds relationships. His leadership of the Titans and his relationships with other members of the Bat-Family demonstrate how much he values teamwork and emotional connection. Dick understands that people need support, especially because he experienced the loss of his parents at such a young age (8-12), he understands the change just a little empathy can make. His empathy therefore influences many of his decisions. He does not simply want to defeat criminals; he wants to protect people and prevent others from experiencing the kind of pain that shaped him and the many others he knows.

The biggest difference between Negative Man and Nightwing is how they respond to their suffering. Negative Man tends to internalize trauma. He often believes that his differences make him a burden, which causes him to withdraw from others. Nightwing is almost the opposite. He uses his trauma as a reason to create stronger relationships and protect other people; Negative man does this to a degree with the doom patrol but it’s not the same. Both characters are capable of deep empathy and often express it in their own ways, but Nightwing expresses his more openly, while Larry’s empathy is often hidden beneath all his traumatized layers. 

Thanks for listening to my ted talk. I had fun writing it because I just love these characters so much. I will probably write about them again sometime but no promises. If there’s and DC media, you recommend then comment it and I might make a review on it, also you can comment any questions or ask for watch suggestions because i have many…

I Feel Like Gale Weathers in Scream 4

My favorite movie franchise of all time is Scream. The original helped revolutionize horror movies and is my personal favorite movie. The second was trash. The third had a nice twist ending. The fourth was lack luster and forgettable. The fifth had terrible characters. The sixth had the same problem as the fifth. And the seventh was an amazing breath of fresh air that kept me hooked the entire time. 

I’ve learned that when it comes to scream movies, I tend to have a more unpopular opinion. And I could rant about each scream movie for about a thousand words each, but today I want to focus on the fourth movie. 

In this movie, the main heroine/villain is Sidney Prescott’s younger cousin, Jill Roberts. (Which is forgettable to the point where I had to search her name just now.) There’s an uninteresting supporting cast of new characters that are nothing but filler for the kill count (dead meat reference.) But these fodder are not what I plan to talk about. I want to focus on the returning cast.

Of course all of the main characters have been slowly killed off up to this point, but we do still get deputy Dewey Riley, Gale Weathers(-Riley), and Sidney Prescott. Neve Campbell is my love, and Dewey is the ray of light that makes this series so beautiful (until he was unceremoniously killed in 5), but I want to focus on Gale Weathers. She and Dewey are married in this movie and she has stepped away from reporting and straight into being a full-time author. 

We see her in the opening minutes sitting at her computer, struggling to write. She types nonsense, expressing her frustration. This is a scene I think about a lot. It’s one that plays in my mind every time I sit down at a computer or open book while I just stare blankly, hoping something will come to mind. It’s one that resonates with me on such a deep level, partially because I relate to it, and partially because it’s from my favorite franchise. 

Writing can come easy with the right inspiration, but like Gale, it’s not always easy to find that inspiration. She sits at her computer, letting out her frustration with vulgar words, jealous of Sidney Prescott’s fame as an author. And that’s another thing I can sadly relate to with Gale. It’s so easy to see people you’ve known for so long succeed and become jealous of them. It’s something I wish wasn’t so common and easy, but you really can’t help but feel a little bitter. 

Gale has always been a bitter character who’s deadset on getting her story, but as far as I remember, she doesn’t take out her frustrations on Sidney (at least not in the 4th movie.) I love watching her grow as a character every time I rewatch the movies. I love seeing her go from snarky with a sore face, to a person Sidney can really trust.

I do admire her dedication to her craft and love seeing her return each movie. But that one scene is so relatable it hurts. I have felt that frustration. I have felt the need to jot down nonsense to release my emotions. Trust me when I say, if I had the ability to not relate to Gale Weathers, I’d be abusing it. Even if I enjoy seeing her grow, she’s still selfish and overly ambitious, and she’s the last person from the original cast that I’d want to see myself in. But the writers conveyed her frustration as an author perfectly, and that’s not something I can ignore.

Overall, I see myself in Gale, no matter how much I wish I didn’t.

I’m done with this topic (for now), but it would be wise to prepare yourselves for more Scream rants in the future. 

BYE-

Scream: Every Recurring Character From The Franchise, Ranked

(absolute peak Gale bc I love Courtney Cox so dearly and the first movie will always be the best one)

Adventure Time spin-offs, my very mediocre thoughts

Hey people, this is my first ever blog and I’m very excited to share my thoughts and opinions about whatever I may want to talk about, whether that be books, shows, movies, or poets/writers.

For my first blog, I’d like to talk about the new Adventure Time series, Adventure Time: Side Quests (along with other spin-offs and how I feel about them in comparison to Side Quests.) Now, I have a lot of strong opinions about this newly developing series. For one, I really, really don’t like the animation/art style. It feels too flat in a way, and Finn’s design feels even more simplified than the classic two dots and a mouth that he had before. I do recognize that I have some bias, as the original is my favorite show of all time and I feel quite protective of it, and I recognize that I am in the minority of opinions when it comes to Side Quests, but my opinion has not changed after acknowledging that.

Everyone knows that the creators of Adventure Time tended to experiment with different art styles, especially in the later seasons, and I applaud the courage it takes to change the art style of such an iconic and loved show. However, as a die-hard fan, I just really cannot get behind this new approach. There’s just something off about how Finn and Jake look. They’re so much more simplified and flat, it looks like a low-sensory show for babies. (This isn’t a dig at the animation team in any way.) It just feels lack luster and like it’s missing the heart it once had. The passion that made the show so lovable feels lost when just looking at the cover.

I will say, the creators have very good reasons for why they went with a no-line art style. Pendleton says that illustrating with no lines took very long but it’s worth it for the show to have a childlike, story book feel. He says the style is meant to convey the innocence of Finn and Jakes early years while keeping their chaos. I’m sure the original humor shines through in the show, and I love the thought put behind the art style, I just can’t get behind the art style itself.

Adventure Time: Side Quests Opening Is Something Pretty Special

(Example of the new art style)

Adventure Time HD Wallpaper Featuring Finn & Jake’s Epic Journey

(The original, goated art style that permeates my dreams)

There are some good aspects to it if I’m being honest. At first, I was scared that they’d be retconning the previous lore or using it as a continuation like they did with Fionna and Cake, but thankfully that’s not the case. This new show apparently centers around the early life of Finn and Jake. I do love the idea of this and plan on watching the show myself. I haven’t seen any yet so I can’t criticize it or praise it beyond shallow, trivial things. But I’m really not the biggest fan of yet another spin-off. 

How to watch Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake Season 2 outside the US ...

(My love and my light, Fionna and Cake)

The original show has enough spin-offs as it is. Some are in fact better than others, like Fionna and Cake which is known for its extension of lore and heavier themes. Distant Lands isn’t too bad either. I enjoy seeing BMO do their little thing, but it’s still not my favorite. There’s also another spin-off being created about Marceline and Bubblegum titled Adventure Time: Bubblegum and Marceline. Which isn’t the most creative to say the least, yet I’m still pretty excited for it. I feel like we as an audience deserve more Bubblegum and Marceline screen time. I am very excited for a show centering one of my favorite queer ships (which could be its own rant to be honest.) I myself I haven’t been able to find examples of the art style. I can only hope that it’s true to the original and not simplified with weird colors and shading like Side Quests seems to be. 

‘Adventure Time: Bubblegum and Marceline’

(Only picture I can find that is for sure from the show.)

I don’t have much to say about this show since information is sparce, but I am a sucker for sapphics (who are very misrepresented in media as a whole.) I just hope they stick to the dynamic the original characters have while also expanding on that dynamic and properly representing a good sapphic relationship.

And with that slightly unintelligible rant, I believe my first blog is done. 

As the great Wendigoon says, “and as always, thank you for watching. BYE-”

In Summary: A Retrospective of My Time at MSA

For my final blog, I wanted to give a semi-autobiographical look into my life these past few years, and how I got to where I am now. I hope that you will find some similarities through my experiences, as well as inspiration from my journey. I also want to take a minute to thank each and every one of you reading this, literary students or not. You have supported my art and my journey, and I can never repay you for that gift. Thank you and please enjoy.

From Pre-K 3 to 10th grade, I attended St. Andrews Episcopal School. I grew up at that school, around those people, and I learned so much. I am eternally grateful that my parents cared enough about my education that they sent me to such an expensive school. Even with financial aid, St. Andrews still costs an arm and a leg. Their education is top tier and easily worth every penny spent. My academic journey was supported every step of the way and St. Andrews is where I found my love of learning. I fell in love with English and writing through the curriculum there. I took Latin classes for multiple years, which further supported my interest in non-modern pieces of literature. I was supported by the teachers, who appreciated my commitment to my classwork. The only thing I lacked at that school was community.

I had friends at my old school, some of which I still talk to today, but I felt out of place for the longest time. It wasn’t till my last year at St. Andrews that it truly felt like a home. I felt like I had to hide so much of myself just to fit into the status quo and the standards set up by everyone else there. I felt like a complete outsider for years, and I struggled to maintain a social life. My grades were perfect but my mental health was not. I knew I needed an environment that supported my creativity just as much as it did my academics. Then, like the universe could hear my thoughts, I was sent a letter. 

I don’t remember exactly when I got my letter about MSA, but I remember that it immediately piqued my interest. I had never heard of MSA before, even in my years of researching art school. Funnily enough, I had plans in eighth grade to apply to an art school in New Orleans, though I never went through with it. But in tenth grade, I got a letter in the mail and that was my sign to try again. I completed the entire application process by myself, only once requiring my mom’s assistance. I remember going to get my letters of recommendation from my teachers at St. Andrews. My advisor (he had been my history teacher in ninth grade as well) was saddened by the idea of me leaving but was excited to see where I would go in my artistic journey. My counselor was similarly supportive and talked to me about how she had heard good things about MSA and was excited for me to apply. My creative writing teacher was the only one who put up a fight. 

Dr. Smith was my creative writing teacher in tenth grade. Creative writing had been the artistic elective I had chosen that year. In my freshmen year, it hadn’t been an option and I had doubled in Journalism and Graphic Design instead. My sophomore year was Dr. Smith’s first year of teaching creative writing in quite a long time. He was an AP English teacher and had taught creative writing at colleges in the past. He was the best teacher I’ve ever had. He supported my writing, encouraged my work, and never held back on feedback. He taught me so much and I am eternally grateful for him. When I told him I planned to switch schools, he wasn’t pleased. He was honest and told me that he didn’t want to see me go. He had hoped that I would’ve stayed in his creative writing class for my junior and senior years, and that I would’ve applied to his AP English course as well. He understood my desire to surround myself with creatives and seek out a more supportive environment, but he still wanted me to stay. I nearly broke down, telling him about how I loved his class but, for my mental health, I needed a new environment. He understood. 

Audition day was nerve wracking, but I still had so much fun. I have so many pictures with my parents from my first time on campus. I met so many wonderful people and immediately felt welcomed. When I was accepted to MSA, I was ecstatic. I had applied to both literary and theater, as I am just as much of an actor as I am a writer, but I chose literary. I am so grateful that I did. While I would’ve been just as happy as a theater student, the MSA literary department has supported my artistic journey as an author in ways I cannot even begin to thank them for. I’ve gotten so many opportunities thanks to Dr. Alexis and all of her support. I’ve gotten amazing feedback from my peers and have met so many talented authors in both my junior and senior years. I have grown as an author as well as a person. 

My time at MSA has truly been more than I could’ve ever asked for. I’ve made some life long friends at this school, met some insanely talented people, and learned so much about myself. I never would’ve become the person I am now without the support of this school and the community. Even when things were hard, I had friends from MSA to keep me sane. I am eternally grateful to this school. I am excited to graduate nonetheless. It will be sad to say goodbye to my juniors, as well as my senior friends who are going out of state for college, but I’m prepared for that sadness. This isn’t goodbye, this is see you soon!

Talking about writing instead of doing it

My struggles in writing that aren’t real problems but I want to talk about them anyways.

For reasons unknown, I barely wrote for an entire year, almost two entire years. My pieces I used to apply to MSA were the first things I had written in that whole time, all pieced together over the span of two-ish months. I actually have in a notebook, somewhere floating around my dorm right now, that had the single thing I wrote worth anything in that entire time.

Writing is pretty sentimental to me, and especially that piece and the subject its on—but I wont share what it is, due to how personal it is. It’s sort of the type of thing that I did love, then, and held very dear to me because it is literally the ONLY thing I could write for that entire portion of my life, even if I don’t care much for it now, or agree with it, or even resonate with it. I realized im a lot more personal than I previously thought, and I do overshare and infodump but its never really about the most deep, personal stuff to me and blah blah blah. I don’t like talking about stuff currently going on in my life, just stuff I did or that did happen in a somewhat comedic lense that cant currently effect me, and I really try to keep my personal thoughts and feelings out of things.

Really bad at explaining that, so I’m just going to jump into my point: I don’t write about my personal life.

Of all of my favorite, most memorable pieces, they were about something or someone else. My Polar Bear Haibun, Rose Oil, Metaphorical, 11:11, Tributaries, Constellations. They’re all great, and I love all of those stories and poems and whatever else so much, but they don’t really like reflect any of my inner beliefs. I think about so much, all the time, and none of it ever makes it into my work. Why is that?

A part of me is embarrassed. Like I’m scared of being wrong, like whatever I say could be taken the wrong way if I don’t over explain, but over explaining takes thought and impact away from other people. I think that’s why I love realism so much. You don’t ever look at someone scratching their nose and think they must think they have something on their face and they’re hiding it. You don’t think about it at all. You don’t think, are they embarrassed? Do they think they have food around their mouth and they’re hiding it?

You don’t ever think if someone’s worried that they’re accidentally flirting by twirling their hair, or if they look overly anxious by bouncing their leg, but these are always things people think about in themselves. You recognize it. It’s a way to hide. Or, maybe, forgetting to brush your teeth because you’re in a rush so you never stand to close to someone, or you’re worried if you missed a spot when brushing your hair and if you look a little crazy. If you’re like me, maybe your septum is crooked. Fix it. Oh, maybe your classes are lopsided. Are they too high? You get to say things, do things, that people never ever want or think of talking about. I think that’s because it’s so normal to you, but do you ever think about other people doing it? If you are, you’re incredibly vain, and probably judgmental. I know I’m judgmental.

But, in relation to that, I get too embarrassed to write about my personal life. I know that, realistically, there are probably entire communities full of people who think exactly how I do, or look at the world the same, or think about the same hyper-realistic things in art like I do, but who ever tells someone im terrified I have something in my teeth so I’ve been trying to look at my reflection in this one-sided glass window but the shade it too brown and I cant see and now im trying not to cry because that’s somehow worse.

It’s easier to keep my thoughts to myself than it is to share them, but at the same time I know that I’m not putting my best work out, because I’m not being genuine. But, I also feel like if I were to get extremely personal in my work, especially if that work was for literary, I would have to explain everything behind it and how it makes me feel and I DON’T do how things make me feel. I’d feel like I was venting in explaining why I wrote something, even if the memory is really happy or whatever. I also feel like if my short stories were any more personal then I’d end up, like, going 1000 and 2000 words over the limit instead of my usual 300-400 (sorry Dr Alexis). Or something.

This is danny’s (poor) attempt at discussing his issues with writing, and yes, before anyone says it or thinks it, I know that writing doesn’t HAVE to be personal. I just would like mine to be more so, I guess, even if I don’t exactly know how to do that. Dats all. I feel like I haven’t even said anything omg.

My book, because i wanna talk about it.

This weeks blog is about something a little different, though it’s in the same vein as basically everything I’ve ever talked about. Passion projects, or, specifically, MY passion projects. I realized I don’t really talk about myself on my blogs, or I don’t think I do (?) and I’d like to share, like, the biggest thing in my life.

Since I was 12, I’ve been writing a story about a teenager who can see ghosts, and delivered the prophecy about their own death, which will reinstate order for the world. Kind of like trading one valuable human life for the greater good. I’ve had huge plans for this story for years, and it comes with characters you all are familiar with if you read my short story, Constellations, back at the beginning of the year! This story has probably been the single most important thing to me since its conception, and there has been an occasional stray from it, but I always go back. I love this story so much.

It explores messages of grief, specifically grief within people who are terminally ill, found family, and the concept of fatalism and discussions of free-will in a world where everything is “predestined”. The story even includes its own pantheon, entirely made up by me! I write a lot about grief, choices, sins, ect., and during the “heart of the story” assignment I realized that my struggle to find a message for my story was pointless. I already knew it!

Basically, I’ll be talking about my pantheon today, and the ways in which it is corrupt. The reason I’m doing this is because I’ve been reworking the entire thing, since I realized it wasn’t an entirely expansive, fleshed out, or realistic pantheon based on the fundamentals of religion and the world I wanted them to live in. Talking about it will help me understand it better, and I can’t exactly express over 43 gods who have been scrapped in a poem instead.

We have a few laws on how the gods themselves work , and these are examples that have kept me on track since I was 12, so they’re pretty easy to understand I think. The laws of succession, contradictions/opposites, connectivity, and dispersal. The easiest to understand is the law of opposites, but I do have to explain some smaller bit for that one to make sense.

You can’t have a god of fast food, or cellphones. There is not a technology god, entirely because I don’t feel like making that some sort of plot point and, if I include it, it will be. Gods don’t get so specific, or small in concept. We have gods of War, Violence, Conflict, and we have gods of sculpture and bigger concepts like that. Generally, once concepts get so small they’ve already been dispersed between demigods or godlings.

You also can’t have a god of two things, unless the other thing they’re the god of is the flip opposite of their other thing. Law of opposites! Like, for example, the god of health and injury is the same dude (in a gender neutral way), and just has two faces. The gods of truth and lies? Same dude. Death is also life. The god of order is also the god of chaos! Stuff like that. Then, with the law of opposites, sometimes it presents itself like the god of violence swearing to never hurt someone again, and being a pacifist—and eventually becoming the god of pacificity. In a greater sense, the god of war also governs peace. The god of purity is disgusting (nod to how purity culture is disgusting and exploitive). Memory and amnesia are the same guy.

Which, of course, brings the next law: connectivity. This is my favorite, because I just eehhehe I love it. There is a god, Riah, who is over both memory and amnesia, aka forgetting, is the sibling to the god, Cas (name changing soon I swear) who is forgiveness! Like.. like… ehehe, forgive and forget. There were also some others, which I genuinely don’t care to remember, but siblings come in pairs. Twins are REALLY common among gods, like two of the most prominent gods in the art world are twins, and they’re visual and performance art.

Finally, to sum up all of those rules, we have the law of dispersal. Every pantheon has some “start” god, for example Chaos (Khaos) for the greeks. This is that, and my version of that is Idyll. Kind of the big guy for all of the gods. Idyll split into four different gods, ceasing to exist by choosing to exist in them, and then those gods split up to make more gods. Like mitosis. The law of dispersal is all basically mitosis. You have greater gods, like the Ancients who represent some sort of element, and then lesser gods. Lesser gods can disperse into huge concepts still, like Humanity and the Sciences (who are two separate dudes) who dispersed into separate subjects like art, then literature, then poetry. Eventually, though, the amount of idyll in a god’s soul is so little that they don’t exactly get domain over anything, or nothing big, and those guys are known as godlings. And, if anyone from any of these groups has a child with a human, that child would be a demigod. Demigods aren’t really “over” anything, but they have a more concentrated amount of power than godlings in a specific subject. Take my books protagonist, Halo, for example. His mom is the earth, so he can like earthbend and stuff (not really). There is a character, Sol, whom he gets in a fight with who is directly descended from gods and not human in any way, and he lowkey mops the floor with sol, because Sol is so far removed from Idyll.

There are also groups and concepts like “False” Gods, then theres the whole reason people hate demigods, theres zombies and vampires and like the cult and also bird people…. And the whole blessing system and the tattoos, but I don’t!!! care about explaining!!! Those!!! Maybe next week (year?)

(if anyone has any ideas on what to call the gods besides gods… hmu. I saw someone call the pieces of their pantheon Totems and thats so cool but stealing is wrong or wtv. I had a friend suggest Mantle, but that feels too clunky + and also military (scary). Send help. Love you. kiss Kiss. Bye.)

Favorite Characters and my problem with having them (JJK)

(Few vague spoilers for JJK)

I’m a really like anime. I’m not claiming to be the biggest anime fan ever, I’m definitely not (I vowed when I was like 12 to never ever watch attack on titan, I fully intend to never ever watch it), but I have seen like the main few shonen (Shonen defined as Anime geared towards younger male audiences, usually some kind of action or adventure anime) Animes and if not I plan on watching them. Am I the most versed? No. Yeah, that’s it. I’m not the most well versed.

BUT, in the shows I have seen, I find it weirdly hard to find a favorite character. Not that you HAVE to have one, not at all. I actually prefer not having one sometimes, or having multiple. This weirds some people out, especially when I say something like “Oh, I really like Mahito from JJK.” And they look at me like I’m going to burn their house down. Which, I get it. Don’t get me wrong. I DO hate Mahito and he got what was coming. He was also one my favorite characters. I liked his character, not ANY of his actions, nor did I root for the bad guys (Kenjaku, Geto is a different story). Do I instantly assume people who say Mahito is their favorite are actually insane and should be put on an island away from everyone else? Yes. JJK fans are crazy. I don’t trust them.

Anyways, I do find it particularly difficult to have a favorite character, especially in shows like Jujitsu Kaisen, because I love most if not all of the characters on screen. Something something good writing and fleshed out characters. Then I feel WORSE because I can tell that the characters are well written and well loves, and I STILL cant pick a favorite.

When it comes to JJK, I have a handful of characters that I may call my favorite on any given day. Previously, those characters included Mahito and Junpei… which feels really contradictory in retrospect. Super ironic. Still devastated. Still cry periodically… I digress. Now, if I were to be asked, my favorite character is in order (as of 2:48pm) Geto, Itadori, Fushiguro, Inumaki, Yuuta, and then like jogo or something. Do you know who these people are if you haven’t seen the show? No. You will have no clue. But lily will, and that’s all that matters a little bit.

I like each of them for different reasons, Geto as an all-rounder, I love EVERY aspect of his character, but Yuuji trumps him in the sense that I like Itadori’s characterization with compassion more. Fushiguro is an amazing representation of depression. Inumaki has the coolest technique ever.

That’s it. I’m running out of time, lol, so that’s my blog. I don’t know who my favorite character is.