Growth

It has been quite a year, perhaps one of the most stressful ones I’ve endured, but I can’t deny that I have learned so much about myself here. I didn’t have any phenomenal break-throughs like some. I didn’t discover an entirely new aspect of myself, but my horizons were broadened. My spectrum was lengthened. I grew.

I kicked off this year crying over the anniversary of my friends death, from there I stopped wearing make-up often and shut myself out. I secluded myself out fear of people and the things that they could make me feel. I also set a diet plan, that I did for a while, but eventually quit due to lack of result. My weight has been one of my biggest enemies this year.

Eventually people began to see how sick I was, and I feel many, at some point, grew quite annoyed with my constant illnesses, fatigue, and complaints against my body. I have yet to figure out what is wrong with me, but hopefully that will surface soon.

I stayed in a soap opera of a relationship. That part even annoyed me haha.

I battled with stress disorder, and had a few stress seizures along the way.

Two more of my friends passed away.

My best friend walked out on me.

Yeah, it hasn’t been all to great.

But you know what? I went fishing for the first time since my friend (K) passed away. I found peace in his death, and found his soul by the pond behind my house. I learned to accept it, and though I miss him, I know wherever he is, he’s happy. That boy was always happy.

I came out of my shell. It happened a little late, but I did it. I started speaking to people, and laughing. I found joy somewhere in this school, and it was so relieving. I realized that there are really great people here, people I will cherish for the rest of my life even if I never speak to them again.

The diet never worked, but I got off the medicine that was causing the weight problem, and then got a new one that helped me lose some. I am currently working the weight off and have seen real progress.

I got my mom to agree to get me tested for Lupus, and other autoimmune disorders. I’m going to get a full screening over the summer to find out what is going on, so with the highest of hopes, I will be being treated and feeling better next year.

I haven’t had a stress seizure in a few months, and I really believe I am figuring out how to control it.

I keep the families of my two fallen friends in my thoughts everyday, but a wonderful teacher of mine taught me that it’s not fair to myself to dwindle on things I can’t change. I love both of those girls dearly, but they aren’t suffering anymore, and I use that thought to give me peace.

I made a friend who knows how to diffuse my bombs, instead of setting them off. It has been a long time since I had a friend who treats me as an equal, and she is honestly such a phenomenal person. I am so thankful that I got the chance to know her, and to now call her my best friend. I know I will stress her out sometimes, but she is the first person I have trusted in I don’t know how long.

I made many accomplishments this year, and I had many set backs. Yet, I feel I have finally found solid ground.

To our rising juniors, don’t be afraid. This is a place to hurt, a place to grow, a place to laugh and cry. I hope you are ready, but if you hit a hard spot, you can come to any of us.

My fellow rising seniors, Are You Ready Kids?

Ya’ll keep writing. I’ll see you in August.

stream of unconscious poets

I turned fifteen eighteen years ago today. I forgot to call the cops about the horse that stood on my birthday cake. My sister burst a pinata with the tip of her nose and my brother pooped in a spoon and gave it to my dog to bury.

Next was the sack race. I ate popcorn and elephants prior and it didn’t sit in my stomach so well. I sack raced into the grand canyon but before I fell too far my mom caught me with her one arm that grew several feet longer than the other. My dog then dropped the spoon full of poop.

I rubbed myself down with sandpaper until I bled pink bubble gum. I taste tested it and sure enough it tasted like the whale I had swallowed whole only seconds before my tenth birthday. Under my tongue there’s a marble made from a cats puked up hairball.

My dog built my whole house the day he miraculously grew thumbs, which is a miracle, considering my family lived on the streets as jugglers. My dad ate my homework after he scooped up the guts that fell from my pinata. When I told my teacher she laughed and said “oh, happens all the time!!”

That year I wanted to be a pirate. I stole one from the sea and shoved him up my shirt. It was needed to protect him from the sand (he had a bad allergy)

I pulled a snail from behind my ear. He told me I really needed to bathe. I nodded and handed him to my dog to use as a shingle for the roof. Next day, I cried into a lamp post until the light bulbs kicked me and told me I cried too loud.

My sister never wanted to leave her home inside of a dead buffalo, however the swelling of the bloated skin and decay caused flies to claim the house for their own. She let them keep the couch.

I kissed a roach on the mouth and he told me I was much better at it than his wife. My dad told me it was time to throw away the guts he had scooped from the pinata; it was making the roaches eat the ants.

When the bees ate my dog I cried. The poor thing was horribly allergic, but married that stupid insect anyways. I stomped on her at his funeral. I pray the police don’t find me.

It was a very interesting birthday.


I know you are thinking

what

was

that

and that is good because that is exactly the point. For my last blog post, I wanted to try something very out of the ordinary. This is a prose piece. You are welcome to interpret it anyway you want, but to me I think it outlines the ridiculousness and randomness of life. The whole thing can seem to be a lie sometimes, but you have to face it anyways.

Like Me

The hardest part of me is my skin.

It protects me from the outside world. 

People pick at me, trying to eat my insides.

I’m scarred, chipped, and broken.

 

I’m lost.

I’m a fish out of water. 

I’ve been thrown into a world

that is nothing like my own.

 

I’m aging; I’ll never be the same again.

My shell is cracking. They are getting through. 

Maybe I’m not as indestructible as I thought.

Maybe I am meant to be broken.

 

I’m burning from the outside in.

I scream, but no one tries to save me.

They leave me to drown; to boil.

Then they tear me open and eat my innards.

 

It is a sad life for a lobster like me.

 

 

poetry for the road i guess

I’ve really enjoyed writing poetry/prose from a different person’s perspective recently, so here ya go. Here is my parting gift from senior year, a poem from yours truly.

////

I came by yesterday. You still keep the key under the welcome mat.I always pestered you to move it – I was always afraid someone would break in, but you had a tendency to not listen. I was half-hoping that you would be in there when I walked in. Maybe you’d smile at me, with pity because you regret what you did, or you’d cry and hold me because you regret what you did. But that’s in the universe where you regret what you did.I don’t get the pleasure to live there. Live with that version of you.I don’t get the pleasure to live in the universe where it didn’t happen in the first place. Anyways, I was only there to get some of my records. The ones we’d dance to while making breakfast. And there sitting in your window sill were flowers. Fresh pink tulips. Flowers just sitting there. Remember your last birthday? I asked you what your favorite type of flowers were, and you just told me “I don’t like the idea of buying flowers. Its just kind of stupid to buy something that’s gonna die, isn’t it?” And now here you are with fresh Tulips in your window. When did you become the sort of person who bought flowers. I guess things change. Similar to how one day you loved me and the next you didn’t. Things change, people change. I wish they didn’t. I haven’t changed you know. I’m still that same guy. The same guy that was in love with you. Still in love with you to clarify. You’d think its been so long that’d I wouldn’t be anymore. I’ve been seeing this girl for awhile. She’s so great. And I love her, I do, but I think there will always be some part of me that loves you. But I loved the you that hated the concept of buying flowers. I think you aren’t that girl anymore. Please, stop leaving the key under the mat. I want to stop worrying about you.

to the future

Junior year is now coming to an end and I feel like this is a time to reflect. There have been good and bad times at MSA but it was a growing and learning period. I hope that all of you take the time to reflect on this year and even address something to your senior self.

To the Carter of next year,

I hope this finds you well, dude. This is it. You’ve made it. You’re about to start your senior year and we both know that’s something you’re reluctant to do. I think you’ve got it, though. There’s been a lot of change with us this junior year. You’ve found out so much about yourself that you never knew. You’ve grown. I remember saying that I wanted to find myself and learn things that I never knew about myself. Well, guess what. I did. You did. Isn’t that wild? It’s even crazier because this is just the beginning. There is so much more to explore and find out and it seems like there’s not enough time to do so. I just wanna say this: make time. Make time to figure yourself out, please. For us. I honestly just wanna thank you for sticking with this school through the highs and lows. There were times back home when you were discouraged to even apply for this school. People told you that you weren’t gonna go anywhere or that it’d be hilarious if you tried this hard and still didn’t get in. Well, guess what. We got in. And, yeah, there were times you wanted to give up and quit. Your mental health got bad and you pushed so many people away. You even hurt people without even meaning to – but you made amends. You made amends and you got your crap together and said that you wouldn’t quit. Keep it together. Don’t quit. No matter what, you cannot quit. Don’t let anyone deter you from what you want to do. Don’t you dare let anyone get you to stop what you’re doing. You’ve worked so hard for this. Too hard, I might add. You’ve worked too hard to get where you are today. You may come back to MSA a different person but don’t let your goals waver. Only make them greater. It may get hard but you’ve gotta fight those hardships. Please, don’t be scared. This year will bring you happiness and success. You’ve just gotta claim it as ma would say. You got this.

– Imani Skipwith-Carter

’tis the day.

This is officially my last blog post as a Junior at the Mississippi School of the Arts. This year has provided me with not only a broader education but also the life lessons I need to make it through. I am not saying that I know everything, nor am I saying that I have nothing else to learn, but this year has been a great learning experience in many forms. When I first got here, I planned on doing everything under the sun to keep myself busy. God, on the other day, had other plans. He gave me the chance to just live and learn and for that I am grateful. On the other hand, my living and learning lead to me working extremely hard, which led to me being blessed with opportunities I would have never thought of. As of right now, I am an executive of the biggest production on campus, the Black History Month Program and President of Artober Fest (our school’s haunted house). Tomorrow, I will find out whether I am an officer in Total Praise (our school’s gospel group). Along with being a busy body, I will have a lot of community service hours because of how many clubs I will be participating in. I would like to end my junior blogging experience on a positive note, so I am going to share a poem that I wrote. I came in writing poems and I want to leave writing them as well. This poem is called “tis the day”.

 

’tis the day. the day we’ve all planned 25 years in advance. my best-friend is adjusting my outfit to make sure it is as close to perfect as possible. you are already there, waiting on my mother and I to walk down this path of forever. I am ready to admire your face, kiss your lips, and rub your chest after these long 24 hours. I walk down the aisle, tears rolling down my face because your smile assures me that I and doing the right thing. our love radiates from our bodies into each other’s souls. and from that moment on, I knew…

 

I Do. I Did. I Always Will.

a reflection of my junior year

Junior year is slowly creeping to an end, and I have to say, it has been WILD. Upon the day I moved into MSA, I would have never imagined it would be this amazing and life changing.

I can say confidently that I am not the same person as I was when I walked in this place, but this isn’t a bad thing! I’ve grown into the person I’ve always wanted to be; the person I never knew I wanted to be. And the best part about it is I’m still growing. MSA has definitely shaped me into someone I’m happy to be, which has never happened before.

Throughout this year I’ve met the most amazing people, who have been the most loving and accepting people possible. I’ve been hit full blown with the procrastination wrath, and yes, I did come out victoriously. I came out to my parents, which is something I was always so afraid of doing. I’ve played around with my style, (which includes chopping all of my hair off. Hey baby juniors, if you’re reading this DO NOT CHOP ALL YOUR HAIR OFF IMPULSIVELY). I’ve lost some friends and gained some, but I can say that I still love each and every one of them. I’ve gotten through the hard times, and made the good ones last. I’ve pulled an all-nighter doing school work instead of at a sleep over.

I’ve found the beauty in collaging and the inspiration it can hold. I paid for pizza with pocket change, and in that moment I have never related more with a college student. I found myself not wanting to grow up for the first time, which is something I thought would never happen. I went from an introvert to an extrovert and then, yes, back to an introvert. I’ve found the beauty in other peoples words and thoughts. I’ve ALSO found the beauty in inspirational, cheesy, Ted Talks (I know I know, don’t come for me.) I created a “spam” account and felt the pain of posting something meant for your spam, on your main account, and I have never wanted to not exist as much as I did right then lol. I went about a month without caring about ANYTHING, until I logged onto ActiveParent and received a not too pleasing surprise (again, baby juniors, if you are reading this DO NOT SLACK OFF BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT BE PLEASED WITH THE OUTCOME). I’ve cried over the stinky seniors leaving because some of them I actually look up to, and would practically die for (shout out to Zoe, Fidel, and Avery:)). I’ve met some all around, true friends who I absolutely adore and love.

With all of that being said, I’ve packed my things and gotten ready for summer, and I am COMPLETELY ready for senior year. This year has been an experience that I will never get again, but I can’t help but have no regrets about anything that I’ve done here because in a way, I wouldn’t have come out as the person I am right here, right now.

(ew sorry that was absolutely disgustingly sappy, but hey, give me a break:))

And of course it wouldn’t be a blog by Vic without a song to end it. (LISTEN! IT’S AN AMAZING SONG.)

 

summer

School is, unfortunately, coming to an end. I think this year has been filled with…

unforgettable memories, and amazing people. I went to Alabama for the Shakespeare fest, New Orleans for a Writers Workshop. Picked up play-writing, learned about my disliking of writing poetry. Even just moving out of my house and in to a dorm room was a big deal. I got to learn how to live with roommates and suite-mates. The amount of inanimate objects I’ve given names to- its wild.

All of that being said- I’m very ready for the summer, but, well, maybe not for senior year. Here’re my plans for the summer:

  • Write some plays

Writing plays are super fun.  I really enjoy writing plays. If we could have another play-writing class,I would be SUPER happy. Not sure what i’ll write over the summer, but, then again, I never know what I’m writing. I just put down words until I understand whats going on. That’s not the best way to get work done, but it works for me.

  • Convince my mom to let me get Glimmers wings put on my back

Glimmer is my favorite She-Ra character. Honestly I just kind of want to go wild over the summer, just have fun. Morgan helped me do some research on what being stabbed by needles feels like, and I’ve got this idea now put in my head that it feels like being a cosplayer. I’ve accidentally stabbed myself with every pin I use for sewing. Will update you guys on this one.

  • Have fun on a boat

My Aunt’s family and I are gonna be on a boat for a few days. I won’t have phone service so I don’t know how that’s gonna go. Still, I’m going to make myself have fun. I’ll just like, I don’t know. Draw something. Maybe sing some opera. Its a boat.

  • Make costumes

I do this year round, but I feel I’ll have more opportunity to do this over the summer.

  • Summer camp

I’ll be at a writers camp over the summer! I’ve been to it once before and it was pretty fun. I have lots of good memories from it, and hopefully I’ll be able to make even more memories this year!

  • Watch my mom nerd out over Aaron Burr at Hamilton

My mom got us tickets to Hamilton in Memphis or Alabama, I don’t actually know. Burr is her favorite character/person in Hamilton, so I’m excited to watch her watch Hamilton. I mean, I’m excited to see Hamilton too! I just think my mom’s gonna have fun too.

 

This is- literally the busiest summer I’ve ever had. Wish me luck because I’m gonna come back to school exhausted.- Still though, I cant wait for next year! (minus the senior part)

you’re gonna be just fine :)

Hi!!! It’s me, of course. Can you believe there’s literally two weeks left until we’re officially seniors and, seniors, you’re gonna be college freshmen because I legitimately cannot. It’s such a weird thing to think about because I remember telling my grandma and my mom that I wasn’t gonna grow up and that was that but here I am. I’m 17 years old with adulthood standing at the doorway of college holding a baseball bat with nails. Haha, but I’m sure it won’t be too bad, right? It’ll be so weird to spend two whole months not constantly surrounded by a bunch of angsty teenagers and having a bathroom and room completely to myself. I always fuss about dorms but I’m so used to it now that it’s gonna be weird without it.

Anyways, I’m not trying to be sentimental or nostalgic, here. That wasn’t what I was gonna talk about. I’ve noticed that with the school year coming to an end, everyone seems to be a little on edge – whether it be noticeable or unnoticeable. Everyone’s worried about one thing or another here and there. Heck, I’m most definitely worried and stressed but I just wanted to put that aside to pretty much tell you that you – you that’s sitting here reading this mushy crap – are okay. Whatever you’ve been keeping trapped up there in that forever racing mind of yours – it’s okay. And if you feel that it’s not okay and that it probably won’t be okay for a while, that’s okay, too. As my roommate Kerri Bland would say, “It’s okay, baby.” It is okay to be okay and it is okay to not be okay. Society tries to drive in our head that if everyone’s okay, you should be okay or if no one’s okay, you shouldn’t be. But, that’s not the dealio here, buddy. If you ain’t gucci, you just ain’t gucci right now. That is completely fine. But I just wanted to let all of you that you’ve got someone. You’ve got me if you don’t have anyone else. We can be okay together or we can even be un-okay together. Regardless of what kind of okay we are, I’m still gonna have you guys’ back. It’s gonna be a hard transition for some or it may be easier for others, but I just want you all to know that all of it is for a purpose. All the stress that we feel now – all that hard work that you might’ve been pouring into everything these past few months are worth something. Nothing you do right now is gonna lead to nothing. With that being said, you’re gonna be just fine. 🙂 

Summer… and College Prep!!!

It’s official, y’all: we’re in the final stretch. We have 2 weeks of school; approximately 10 days in school – a total of 1 3/7 full weeks. And then it’s summer! After that, we’re going to be seniors and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Well, there are ways, but I wouldn’t endorse it. I’ve made a post before about how I search for colleges, and this post will be somewhat of a follow-up to it. 

My college choices have been adapted to fit the ruling of my parents, but I still hold a small shred of hope to go to college out-of-state. Now what’s the next step after figuring that out? Prep. Colleges often require that you write an essay on various topics, and as I’ve noticed this semester, my essay writing skills have gotten a bit rusty. So to remedy that, I plan to practice writing essays over the summer for my applications. To find some prompts, I looked at a few online, but I plan to use a few from the Texas Common Application site because I plan on applying to a university in Houston. 

Of course, there is still the issue of the ACT. I’m closer to my goal of 30, but I still need to push for a higher math score because math kicks my tail. My mom wants to help me with my score by getting me some more resources to study. I also need to work on my science score. I want to raise it by maybe one or two points. If I really want to push it, I’ll aim for a growth of four or more points. PrepScholar is a good resource to use for studying and finding different test-taking strategies. I’ve used it to adapt my own strategies, and I shared it with my friend, Jennifer, to help her when she first took the ACT. I don’t really know if it helped her out, but she did make a 30, so… maybe they are helpful. For me, their strategies helped me out a lot on the junior ACT. My composite score grew five points, and my reading and English scores spiked. I encourage everyone to check out PrepScholar over the summer or prior to their next swing at the ACT.