Category: Junior Literary

 

When I was younger, a particular teacher would always make backhanded comments about my handwriting. This made me extremely insecure about how I wrote which eventually moved into me being insecure about what I wrote instead. I know it sounds weird, but back then everything was connected to me. Any wrong within my writing changed my writing as a whole. I would use simple words because they were easier to understand when I wrote it out. Keep in mind that this was during a time where I didn’t use computers to type my work. Believe me, if I could have typed every assignment that I had to handwrite, I would have. Unfortunately, without that luxury, I had to endure years of being teased about my writing because without a keen eye, my writing looked like a bunch of scribbles on a page. According to some, my writing was viewed as “chicken scratch.”

As I grew older and got away from that teacher, I let go of my insecurity of how I wrote, but I never let anyone see my writing. If it wasn’t for an assignment, the only one seeing my writing was me. This lingering insecurity formed into a form of hate. I despised writing things for people. I would grit my teeth, ball my fists, stomp my foot, you name it! I hated writing in school, mindless writing, even writing a letter. I always felt it would somehow be criticized.

It wasn’t until my freshman year of high school that I became open to the idea of creative writing. Before I get into that experience, I would like to take the time to mention that creative writing was never an option for me when I was younger. If the writing wasn’t educational in some sense, I wasn’t exposed to it. Coming into high school, nothing was the same from my previous years in school. There was an opportunity for me to join the school newspaper or the literary magazine. The opportunity came to me when my English teacher recommended I join either one. She praised me on my writing in her class. I was so shocked to hear this from her, especially with my history with teachers and my writing. She was the only teacher that actually liked my writing plus she didn’t care how I wrote. She never degraded me on my handwriting. That conversation that I had with her changed my life. She told me about the different types of writing, different forms of literature, and she helped with my handwriting a little. I was (and still am) so grateful for her. She really opened my eyes to the possibilities of writing.

The first time I willingly shared my work was with my mom for Mother’s Day. I didn’t have enough money to buy her a present, so I wrote her a small poem with a card. It was the best I could do, don’t judge. After I got done reading, my mom was in tears. She praised me on my words and pushed me to join the literary magazine for my school. This was the second person to tell me I should join. I talked to the teacher over the magazine, for whom later became my English teacher the next year, and she read some of my work and immediately let me join. From that day I started my journey to becoming a writer. I got the chance to have my writing workshopped and even featured in the magazine that year. I was slowly but surely growing into being comfortable and secure in sharing my writing with others. I was no longer insecure about that part of my life. I was proud of my work. Despite my less than happy history with my writing, I still found my niche and my passion in life. I never thought I would be sharing my past with writing willingly with you all, but I want this to inspire someone else. Never let the hardships or obstacles put in your path to stop you from following your passion for writing. Writing will take you to far places you never thought would be possible. It is a wonderful thing. To the kid that might be in the place I was: you will make it. I know it’s hard. I know you are scared, terrified even. Sharing this part of your life is hard. You are opening yourself up to eager eyes, but in time you will learn that that is the best part of it all. Being able to fully and completely have someone be captured and invested in your work no matter in what way is amazing.

Let my story be of inspiration to anyone who needs it. Let the lesson of “waiting for your time” resonate with you and give you some motivation to just keep writing. One day it could lead you to the best of places.

Happy new year, readers! I cannot believe that we’re already in the roaring ’20’s! We absolutely need to bring back flappers and the style! It was so unique and monumental. Anyway, this blog is going to be about turning over a new leaf.

Recently, I received a text message from a person that I ended on bad terms with. The text simply said, “I miss you.” Of course, I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I have almost a completely new life now. I gave myself plenty of time to forgive this person even though I never actually received an apology. I honestly didn’t miss anything about this person. Nothing about them was ever good for me.

I simply told this person that I did not reciprocate these feelings. I told them that I hoped they were doing well, but I definitely don’t want to stay in contact. Of course, I was very polite about it. In 2020, I will strive to put myself first sometimes. I’ve been a welcome mat that people stomped all over for far too long. I am turning over a new leaf by learning to love myself and learning to not put myself into situations that I could avoid by thinking first.

One thing that has always helped me keep a positive perspective on life is music. So, I made a playlist with a few of my happy songs. These songs never fail to make me smile or do a little dance in my chair.

I hope your 2020 is prosperous. I know you’ll do amazing things. You are strong and you are worth everything good in life that may come your way. Try not to look down on yourself for small mistakes. We all make them. Encourage yourself to do better.

Peace out, girl scout 🙂

Trigger Warning: This piece deals heavily with abuse and touches on subjects of depression and self harm. 

 

Dear young victims of abuse, 

 

I know you. I may not know your name and I may not know who you are, but I know you. I know that you have tasted salt water drip from the oceans in your eyes as you tend to busted lips and/or broken hearts. I know the turmoil and tragedy that haunts your dreams and your realities. I know that you feel stuck, as if nothing in this world could ever be enough to help. And I know that when the possibility of calvary ever coming fled, you became desensitized to everything. The pain hurts a little bit less now, the tears flow a little less abundantly now, and and the hope you so desperately clung to is  a whole lot harder to find. And, being young, you feel even more unloveable. Unhelpable. Unworthy. And I know of the unspeakable traumas that the resulting sadness can cause. I know that after the sadness leaves, the depression sets in. And after that, the numbness transforms into anger. And with that anger comes questions: “Why am I so pathetic?” “Why can’t I just be perfect?” “Why am I not good enough?” “Why?” 

 

I know all too well because, at one point in time, I was you. I was hopeless, helpless, and restless. I have felt the wrath of leather straps and belt buckles and extension cords. I too have been punished for living. I too have hated myself for everything that I was and am. I too hated myself for the oxygen I held captive in my lungs. I too have stood where you stand and I too have said what you say. I understand. But despite everything, despite the hurt and the tears and despite the sleepless nights filled with fear, I know that, as cliché as it may sound, this won’t be your reality forever. Life will hand out its justice. Prayers will be heard. And, in due time, you will find the happiness that you crave. So, heed the next words that escape my lips: don’t act on those urges. Because those urges provide instant gratification. They won’t make you happy. They won’t help your situation. They won’t do anything for you except become an addiction. They start to become your normal train of thought and, as time goes on, they get darker and darker until there’s nothing left of you except a decaying corpse and restless soul. They do nothing but make you your own worst enemy. Don’t do it to yourself. Because the second you do, your chances of a happier end disappear. And when that leaves, there is no getting it back. There is no getting you back. 

 

So believe me when I say that it gets better. Because it does. The skies will brighten and the clouds will wash away and, sooner or later, you will feel content. Happy. Full of life and excited to keep living. And you will be proud of yourself. Proud of your scars. Proud of your burns. Proud of your journey. And you will look back and see a person you no longer know. And you will be just as proud of yourself as I am of you. 

 

But, you will face a life-time of trauma. You will have trouble trusting any- and everyone. And you will hate yourself for it. But there is nothing you will be able to do about it. So, you will wage war on yourself, on your skin and on your soul. You will be scared to talk but will be always listening. And, as you get older, you will understand more. You will understand that his touch wasn’t normal. That those bruises weren’t normal. That the words that repeated on their tongue and in your head aren’t normal and you will understand the severity of the situation you were given. And you will cry. You will cry until your face is red and your eyes are red and your vision is red and everything is red and you won’t be able to hear or to feel or to do anything but cry and cry and cry and cry. You will feel used and useless at the same time. You will try to wash their touch away. You will try to brush those thoughts away. You will try to do anything and everything to eliminate the thought of them, but nothing will work. So you’ll scrub harder. And you’ll brush longer. And you’ll try for years and years until your skin puckers and your hair falls out and you have nothing left to clean. You will be scared to leave your room because the outside world is so scary. You will forget to eat. Forget to drink. You will forget that you are even alive. Until your saving grace walks through your bedroom door, holding a bottle of water and a sandwich. And you will remember why you’re here. 

 

So, sweet child, hang on. Never forget that there is something beyond the 4 walls that hold you captive. Never forget that there is still beauty in this world and that you are here for a reason. And when you get older, you will be strong. And beautiful. And amazing. I love you.

 

Sincerely,

A former victim of child abuse. 

I can definitely say that this year did not disappoint.

But, good riddance.

I will not miss you too much (oops).

read at your own risk

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January:

When midnight hit and the year began, I was watching a documentary about abandoned places with my mom. Looking back, I am glad my year began this way. A lot has changed, but she has remained a constant influence in my life. (If you are reading, hello 🙂

A math teacher that I had, that semester, encouraged us to pick a word for 2019, and mine was growth. I like this idea quite a bit because it kept things in perspective. And, now, looking back, I can say that I have grown quite a bit. So January stood as the beginning of this growth.

Although I will not disclose her name, I had a friend that brightened this winter month. I would like to thank her for being a spring of sorts.

I would also like to thank the other people that accompanied me this semester. A, I have vivid memories of waiting at the microwave with you, and I have memories of you judging my love for “ahvocados” (I also remember us during math, haha). B, I remember our conversations during the last class when we moved our desks together, and I remember how you were the first person to welcome me at this school. K, thank you for listening to me during lunch, and I appreciate your interesting conversations and bright mind. G, I remember history and our snatched bits of conversation. S, thank you for seeing me every morning and offering me food during first block (I remember the Reese’s, and I remember the soda you drank with a sour straw); I appreciate you letting me trail aimlessly behind you, also.

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February:

MSA kind of had a hold on everything. My mind could only consider the application and the audition and my portfolio. And, for an understandable reason, I became increasingly infatuated with the idea of leaving. I began to write almost all the time, and I gave myself a bunch of writing prompts when I should have been focusing on bellwork. But, yes, I did not want to stay at my old school, and I often escaped into an imagined world of what I hoped to be the future.

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March:

MSA! Yeah, that is my first thought. At this time, during the year, all I could focus on was MSA. I honestly did not believe that I would get in, and I remember feeling extremely bitter about staying at my old school. When the letters went out, mine seemed to take forever to arrive. I remember receiving it in the mail and wanting to open it alone, in my room, because I did not want to see everyone’s disappointed faces. But I got a “congratulations!” instead, and I instantly felt awesome. I held that letter for a long time, and every time I stared at it, I felt so much hope and happiness. My overall mood changed drastically.

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April:

I can not remember April at all, with the exception of a few elements. For starters, a challenge presented itself: When and how would I announce that I was leaving? Characteristic of my personality, I decided to put that off for quite some time.

I wrote a lot of poetry during this month. And from what I can gather from their remains, everything felt kind of saturated (but in a bittersweet way). People caused me a lot of grief, but I did not want to escape them completely.

Also, during this time, school ate a lot of my time, especially history.

Thinking about MSA also ate a lot of my time.

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May:

I kind of liked this month. It served as a fitting conclusion.

I went to New Student Day for MSA, and I felt thrilled yet terrified. So much happened, there were so many unfamiliar people, and I could tell that next year would prove a challenge like no other. But I had so much hope, and I felt so happy that I was leaving.

I finally announced (to the few people I talked to) that I was leaving, and I got mixed responses. I knew that I would miss them, but I also knew that we were not “best friends”, necessarily. By that, I mean that they would move on, and I probably would too. But I appreciate the time spent with them. I appreciate the final hugs and good byes. And I even appreciate the negative responses I met—being ignored and forgotten and dismissed. I appreciate everything that came from them; they colored my year, truly.

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June & July:

I feel like grouping them together. They are the summer months, after all.

So, first of all, I was so bored. I think that had to do with MSA. For some reason—although I did not consider it a heaven on earth—MSA seemed like some kind of savior for me. So I wrote letters to myself and mentally prepared my brain for the upcoming two-year journey I was about to have.

I wasted a lot of time, but I also tried my best to spend my summer wisely. I got into painting and writing more. For instance, I gave myself a prompt everyday (everyday), and I nearly filled up a notebook. I learned a lot during this small amount of time.

Later, I began preparing for MSA by buying supplies and such. Then, the moment of truth, dun dun dun…

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August:

This month had a lot of different colors and textures. I was ready to embrace any difficulty the month threw at me, but a lot of growing pains existed, at first. I was so, so happy, and I had a lot of hope. Possibility seemed to glimmer everywhere, and I found that particularly exciting. But the move, for me personally, presented quite a few challenges. I had to learn how to live in a dorm with a roommate, and I had to deal with my unfamiliar environment. But my discipline helped a lot, and I automatically had people to sit with at times.

The first week seemed to last forever, so coming home felt like the best thing ever. I did have a lot of orange days, however, to give that week some credit.

But, overall, August served as an interesting chapter. I had a lot of stress, confusion, and apprehension. This month was mainly me learning how to exist in this place (and learning how to talk, also, haha).

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September:

My year became a lot more orange with this month. I finally learned that I could go outside (gasp…for some reason, I was afraid to do this before). I gained better time management skills, and the stress became a lot more manageable. And I fell back in love with reading and writing!

My roommate left during this month, but living alone turned out to be awesome. I decorated my room more, also. I started a plant family, and now I have leaves everywhere. I have no idea why.

I talked more, hooray. I shed my title as the Antisocial Moth (aka Prickly Cactus, aka Just Callie), and I experienced a lot of healthier growth.

I spent less time being isolated with homework, and I made my first friends outside of the literary department. That helped a lot. The majority of my old friends grew distant.

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October:

Artoberfest and Halloween flew by way too fast, but I enjoyed them a lot. I was not originally planning on being apart of any of it, but I ended up having a lot of fun (ex: drawing on walls with chalk and cutting up toys).

I also loved the arrival of fall. The trees here, at MSA, are so beautiful during this season. I enjoyed the colder weather, and I began to enjoy walking outside and watching the clouds.

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November:

This month passed by so fast. The weather became colder, but I became happier. I gained a lot of gratitude, and my days steadily gathered more meaning. I spent a lot of time on self-reflection, and I discovered constants of my personality that had survived all of the change. I learned more about my personal philosophies, and I grew more optimistic and peaceful.

A lot of  compliments helped me appreciate myself and my work, so I am exceedingly grateful for the people that expended them.

This month was all about really sinking into this place and growing. I grew as a writer, a family member, a friend, and a person.

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December:

My December addition to my summarized month series is yet to arrive, but, yes…bam; what’s up? Just kidding.

I am only about halfway through this month, but it has surprised me. Besides stress and some disappointing features of random days, this has been the best month by far, I think. I have had so many orange and yellow days, and I have only had one blue day (which probably resulted entirely from the ACT…reasonably so). I understand a lot more. I understand who I am at my core; I understand who I am as an artist; I understand what I want in life.

Although perseverance proves as no easy feat, part of growth is resisting the temptation to sink into apathy. And by persevering, my life has changed for the better. Now, I will say that I falter every once in awhile, but I am trying. The results do not stir regret in me, either.

So far, this has been a lovely December. I still enjoy writing, nature, and coffee, and I have so much appreciation for the people here. Nowhere else have I met so much warmth and positivity. Already, I have gotten at least five presents. Thank you guys so much, gah! I have a lot of gratitude and good feelings in general, and I am (almost) at peace with myself and the world.

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Overall, I would say that I experienced a tremendous amount of growth. At the beginning of 2019, I woke up irritated almost every morning. But now I “jazz hands” my way through, and I have even begun to tell people good morning, which is weird. I have found a nice environment to grow in, and I appreciate it a lot. The negative bits will always exist, but I try my best to face them with more opposition rather than sinking into them. I have learned a lot, and I am not afraid to face the upcoming year. I just have to find my next word…

The people I am thankful for:

Everyone I mentioned in my January section.

My teachers (:

The seniors 🙂

The literaries: Thank you for accepting me and always providing good feedback for my pieces. And thank you, all of you, for being yourselves.

E: Thanks for being literally the best person to share a bathroom with. Thank you for keeping me from oversleeping too much, and thank you for dealing with my random talking. I also appreciate our spontaneous conversations in the bathroom, and I hope next semester is a great one.

J: Thank you for eating millions of tacos and watching movies with me late into the night. Thank you for listening to me rant everyday for hours. Thank you for accepting me even despite my flaws, and thank you for being my friend through the years. (I love you more than Sunflower 🙂 I could type an entire essay about you, but…I will just talk to you in person.

S: Yes, you. You probably have no clue that I mean you. Thank you for driving hours for me; I really appreciate it. Thank you for letting me listen to 33, and thank you for trying to adopt more of a creative lifestyle. I enjoy the fast food and the cooking shows.

A: Thanks for listening to my very, very random rants. Thanks for the compliments and the kind words, and thank you for making me laugh. Also, thanks for accepting my terrible song recommendations and for accepting my manic moods (even the dancing ones).

H: Thank you for being caring and understanding, and thank you, also, for the meaningful conversations. You were the first person here that I talked to, and I still appreciate you. Thank you for procrastinating with me (although you are much more organized), and thank you for saying good morning back. I appreciate the peace signs and the “I am here for you”s as well.

K: Thank you for your advice and all of your general help. Thank you for sitting outside with me at the beginning, and thank you for suffering with me during fifth block. You are literally the “king of kool” (sorry, I had to). Thank you for the conversations that randomly progressed into hour-long rants and whatnot.

M: Thanks for the laughs and the loud music (“I can hear the music bouncing off someone’s eardrums”).

S: Thanks for being so nice. I appreciate the compliments and your personality in general. Thank you, also, for being such a model.

B: Thank you for gracing my eyes with yellow everyday. I also appreciate your interesting personality and your humor.

M: You are literally the sweetest person ever. I admire your relentless optimism, and I will actually let you hug me (which is a compliment). You put so much effort into everything you do, and you bring a lot of joy to the day. Thank you for being so personable and warm.

B: I can not fit everything into one small paragraph, but thank you for everything. Thank you for being the person that you are. I appreciate the laughs and thoughtful silence, and I appreciate the times spent tripping over concrete stairs and dodging tree limbs. Thank you for talking to me over fries that taste like sadness, and thank you for sharing a good portion of your time with me. I love listening to every idea, every thought, every creation. And I appreciate every bit of effort. Thanks for sharing your colorful personality and helping me appreciate life more.

E: You are, by far, one of the most interesting characters that I have ever met. I appreciate you so, so much. Thank you for being so relatable even though we are different. I love talking to you for hours even if it make me crash (but my mood is bettered, so that is what matters). You have such an amazing energy, and a smile scatters across my face when I see you. Thank you for your help, compliments, time, energy, etc. I appreciate you so much, and I am glad that I got to know you. I appreciate all dimensions of your personality, and I hope you continue to be a beautiful individual.

Mozart: Okay, I thought this was more fitting. Thank you for Thursday nights and some lunches, and thank you for becoming an unexpected friend. I enjoyed bonding with you during our time spent in Cooper, terrorizing stuffed animals. Thank you for making me laugh a lot, and thank you for all of your conversations. You are a really colorful and multi-dimensional character (and a prodigy, haha).

All in all, thank you guys for surviving this journey of a post. How was your 2019? Do you ever assign an upcoming year a “focus word?” Anyway, I believe that I have typed way too much…

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Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

A little bit of yellow encourages feelings related to happiness, but too much may result in feelings related to stress. Think about it (ex: road signs, caution tape, etc.)

Have a nice Christmas…

Happy holidays…

Happy break, you guys.

Peace out, dudes.

This blog is bittersweet because blogmas is coming to an end! It went by so quickly because we only post on a weekly basis, but I had still had loads of fun creating this content! So, without further adieu….

What’s on my Holiday Wishlist?

Shoes

  I LOVE Converse, so when I saw these super cute monochromatic,  low top, gray Converse!, I was so excited! I don’t have a pair this color, so I can’t wait to pair them with some cute outfits 🙂

 

 

 

DYMO ColorPop! Label Maker

I already have a handheld DYMO label maker, but this one just recently came out, and it’s got way more features! There’s more emojis, borders, and it prints on different colored tapes! I am really excited about this gem 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Colourpop Going Coconuts palette

I have been on the hunt for a really cute, simple nude palette, and when I saw Colourpop release this palette, I had it have it! And, it only retails for $12!

 

 

 

A 2020 Happy Planner

I am a Happy Planner girl! I first started out with Recollections planners, but last year, I got the Miss Maker planner, which is a Happy Planner, and I fell in LOVE. So, I opted to get one this year, as well.

 

 

The Happy Planner Paper Puncher

Happy Planners are customizable with their disc-bound system, so they sell a hole puncher that allows you to hole punch anything you want and add it to your planner. They come in baby blue or hot pink; can you guess which one I want?! 😉 They can be kind of pricey, but luckily, craft stores always have sales and discounts.

 

 

 

 

500 Tips for Fat Girls

This is Mary Lambert’s debut poetry collection. I purchased her recently released book, Shame Is An Ocean I Swim Across, this summer, and I fell in love. However, this book is sold out EVERYWHERE, and where it isn’t, it’s ridiculously expensive :(. So, I hope there’s a restock in the near future.

Toilet Paper

Okay, listen. MSA is a residential high school, so we live here, and we need necessities- like TOILET PAPER!  And I don’t know about anyone else, but we run out of TP so fast; it’s crazy!! So if you see me over the break, stocking up mind ya business!

 

 

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This was my 2019 Christmas wish-list; I hope you enjoyed! I decided that since it’ll be 2020 (crazy to say that, right?) when I return to blogging that I’ll do a New Year’s Resolution post, so be expecting the fashion series to continue after that!

If you are reading this, you are beautiful, loved, and worthy! Happy Holidays!!!

xoxo

When people come up to me and ask me how I like MSA, I always stick with my general answer, “I love it!” I usually say this with a wide smile on my face  and with my feet quickly leading me away from the said inquisitive person.

I’ve never been shy with my words, but when people ask me this particular question, which is a LOT, I never give to much away. I’ve constantly thought of ways to describe MSA, but the only thing that comes to mind is that I love it here. This isn’t a lie. I adore MSA, I cherish it even. MSA has been my dream school for as long as I can remember. I knew I would love it here and I do, but when people ask me about the school, my mind goes blank despite the many things that are here for me to love. So, since this is my last post of 2019, I decided to make it out to the main reason I’m allowed to post on this platform. I think this is a great way to close out the year, so I hope you enjoy it.

1. The people

• I find that what makes a place a home is the people inside it. Prior to coming to MSA, I was in an arts program in Jackson where I was surrounded by artist. I’m used to being in an artistic environment, and coming to MSA has amplified that 100x. I am constantly around talented, passionate people who uplift the ones around them. This aspect of MSA is what I hold dear to my heart. Everyone has their own individual and unique personality and it makes the school diverse in that aspect. I can always expect something new from every person. I love my fellow MSApians (LOL) and wouldn’t trade them for anything.

2. My discipline

.  I am so lucky and grateful to be able to be in the literary department. I am surround by the BEST people and have the honor to be taught by one of the best writers I know. I am constantly around creators and am in a comfortable environment. I can always count on my fellow literary peers to make me feel loved and proud of the work I create. I also love being able to share my love of writing and reading in a space that it’s praised and uplifted. I loved writing before coming to MSA, but being in this discipline with these amazing people have made me love it even more.

3. The opportunities

.  I will always advocate for the many opportunities MSA allows. I have been able to join clubs and organizations that I would never have thought I would been able to be apart of. I have networked with people that will stick with me for life and gained skills I couldn’t have learned anywhere else. This, I feel, is overlooked often and I think the clubs and organizations at this school deserve more praise and acknowledgement for the things they allow for the students to do.

4. The semester classes

. AN UNDERRATED FLEX IN THE SCHOOL!! The fact that we take semester classes is AMAZING to me. I was able to take the US History test in the fall rather than taking it in the spring. I always forget important information from the fall that I will be tested on in the spring. To be able to still have all the information I need and taking the test in the fall is just…I could cry. Like…imagine taking algebra for an entire year again! I couldn’t do it. I love this small, but LOVELY aspect of the school. Thank you for that MSA.

That’s all I’ll give for this post. This is mostly it, but I hold an all around love for the school. I’m so so SO thankful to be able to attend this school and it warms my heart knowing other people get to experience this life. Have a Merry Chrysl-Christmas and a Happy New Year! AHHHHHH 2020!!!!!! 2012 me is SHAKINGGGGGGG (iykyk)

so this is it. an entire semester worth of blogs and this is the last one. i really want to make this one special. i was going to write about something that recently happened in my life but it just wasn’t special. ya know? so i decided i’m going to talk about what i know best: me!

This was taken in Georgia on the day my brother, Breck, graduated from Basic Training at Fort Benning. I was so proud and excited to see him 🙂

This is my best friend, Nathan. Not gonna lie, we started off hating each other but look at us now. I don’t know exactly what day we took this but it was definitely a good one because every day with my best friend is a good day.

This is my dad, Bryan. I’m named after him if it wasn’t obvious. Ya know.. Brianna…Bryan… okay. But anyway, this was taken on Thanksgiving of 2018 and this day SUCKED but we managed through it.

This is my other half, Bridgette. We’ve been bestiessss for about 10 years now. We also started off hating each other. Crazy how the world works.

These are more of my best friends. From left to right, there’s Lorelei, Carlton, McKenzie, and me. This was a VERY good and funny day. We walked to the park after school and just embarrassed ourselves honestly. It was so much fun

 

This is my non blood related brother, Rhett. He’s had my back regardless of the situation. I know I can always go to him when I need anything. He’s been one of the only consistent people in my life.

 

These are my literaries! (Hey y’all! I know you’re reading this.) I love you all bunches and can’t wait to continue to grow in our writing together.

This is my mom, Michelle. I have never been able to bond with someone the way I bond with her. And I guess that is just a mother- daughter thing, but I think that even if I wasn’t her daughter, we’d still be friends. She listens when I ramble on and on and on and on. She’s also been there to hold me when I would get too overwhelmed. I know that anytime that life gets to be too much, I can call her and she’ll calm me down in minutes.

This is my other best friend, Jack. AKA: Sufrea. I cannot tell you what that nickname means because it is top secret information but we made it up when we were like, 12 years old. He’s also been one of the only consistent people in my life. We bond on a deeper level now that we’re older and because we both have similar- ish home lives.

 

 

Okay! That was the home life. Now it’s time for actual stuff about me. So here’s 6 facts you didn’t want or need to know but you’re going to anyway.

1. I may or may not have the personality of Chihuahua. If you’ve ever actually spent time with me, this will make perfect sense.
2. I’m a fairly picky eater. Just a few things I don’t like include: white chocolate, dark chocolate, caramel, bologna, wheat bread, swedish fish, mayonnaise, peanut butter, reese’s candy, twix, dr. pepper, strawberries, kiwi, cheese, milk, most cereals, etc.
3. I am a completely different person once I’m comfortable with you. When you first meet me, I’m fairly quiet and I keep a calm and chill attitude. But once I’m comfortable, I’m the polar opposite.
4. I’m the youngest and the only girl of my siblings. That explains my personality.
5. I’m a pisces and I honestly don’t know anything about astrological signs or whatever but I know I’m definitely a pisces so take that however you please.
6. I have several unhealthy obsessions. To name a few: John Mulaney (!), Bo Burnham, The Vampire Diaries, The Dolan Twins (!), and Kurtis Conner.

 

This will be the last blog posted in 2019, so I would like to dedicate it to this past year. 2019 has been the most emotionally, all over the place year I’ve ever had. It was the year that my friends death hit me the hardest and I lost many things in my life, but it was also the year that I received the most exiting news– me being able to come here. It was filled with so many ups and downs, but I made it out pretty okay I guess. And despite me cutting my bangs, I barely had any mental breakdowns! (lol that’s a joke, my bangs were a very thought out decision.) But overall, I would say this was a pretty good year, and here’s why:

First of all, it was the year that I became close with some really great friends. In the past, I was always in pretty toxic friendships that caused a lot of sadness in my life. But this past year, I cut those people out of my life and found people who treated me like I deserve:) so that was a really big positive in my year.

The second reason would have to be the fact that I found a big part of who I am. I experienced a lot of hard things before, and during this year that led me to do a lot of self reflecting on who I am and my purpose for being here–and to my surprise, I found confidence in doing so. Really, gaining confidence made a big part of this year being what it was.

The third reason… probably going to Boston. Yup, that’s definitely a reason. 10/10 experience (you can read about it in one of my previous blog posts). Also, I went to visit my sister in California which was also amazing– really just all the traveling I did in general with my family helped make really enjoyable memories this past year.

The last but most impactful reason is leaving Oak Grove and coming to MSA. Honestly, leaving Oak Grove was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.  At first, I was so ready to leave and start something new by getting away from the environment I grew up in, but the saying “you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone” is really true haha. That saying applied to my life so, so much this past year, as I lost a lot. But I didn’t just feel sad about leaving the teachers and the very few students there I actually liked, but the halls I walked in and the classrooms I sat in every day. On my last day there, I looked around and realized how much I was going to miss certain aspects of that school. But coming here has helped me grow as a person in ways Oak Grove never could have. It’s pushed me and challenged me in ways nothing every has, and I’m really thankful for that.

In 2019, I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had, and they’re most likely reading this so I want to say: Thank you guys for being there to help me through this past year. and to my new friends at this school, thank you for inspiring me to be my best self and being a family away from home to me ♥

I love you guys and hope that as your 2019 comes to an end, you find the positive things in it to take with you to 2020. (a new decade. that’s crazyyyy)

oh and, Merry Christmas!

 

Here we are, we have reached my final blog post for the year 2019. Wow, this semester has gone by so fast and all I can say is that I’m grateful for my experience here at MSA. I have met wonderful people and experienced so many wonderful things it is so amazing, looking back on how far I’ve come!

So at the beginning of the semester, I started this segment on my blog called, “Playlist of the Month”. This is where I create a playlist of music inspired by how I feel during that time. Now I’m not going to tell a story, I have been slacking recently, but that only means I have more music to share with you guys! So without further, a do here is my final playlist of 2019!

For some reason, I have a taste for old school music for the past months, and when I say old school, I mean the music you hear at your family reunion lol. This is so funny to me because I grew up not liking old school music because I always thought it was boring. Now since I’m older and I have lived  more, I have a better understanding of what the singers are talking about.

So, in the playlist are a lot of old school artists from different decades. Such as Nina Simone, Ms. Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu, Fleetwood Mac, and even J. Blackfoot. I encourage you all to give the songs I listen, and who knows maybe you might find you a new favorite song.

MUSIC VIDEOS ARE IMPORTANT TOO!

You see, let me tell you something about myself. As much as I love music, I also love music videos. I know you guys understand what I’m talking about. When you see a great, cinematic music video to your favorite song. It grows your love for the song even more and the next thing you know, you have watched the video 50 times already. (Yes I am talking about myself). Anyways here are some of my favorite music videos in general.

JAY-Z – Moonlight

Blood Orange – Jewelry

SZA- Babylon

Snoh Aalegra- I Want You Around

Beyoncé – Sandcastles

Beyoncé – Hold Up

Steve Lacy- RYD/ DARK RED

Solange – When I Get Home

Now, this might be the longest playlist I have ever created, and it’s still a lot more songs I would like to include. Although, I cannot because they are explicit; however, if you would like to listen to the songs you can follow me on Spotify @Stephyne Weathersby :-).

With that being said, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! HO, HO, HO.  (Is Stephyne the real Santa Clause? The world may never know!)

So, a few days ago, I found a TikTok. It was very beautiful and hilarious and I became fascinated by this short, sweet video. In this clip, there was a gorgeous girl–her name is Venus and she’s most likely legal–and she was decked out in pony beads. She had a pony bead necklace, a million pony bead bracelets, and I think a pony bead mask. She had on this beautiful, crazy makeup that made her look like a concert fairy. She, alone, was very mesmerizing. But in the video, she does this…thing? She held her hand up to  the camera and did a few hand gestures, all of which are appropriate. And, it just really fascinated me. Here is the video:

Her @ on TikTok is theaphroditevenuss

I literally have this saved to my phone. I just kept watching it, over and over and over again. I was entranced. But, it really got me thinking. What the heck is she doing? Why was she doing it? So, I took to Google and tried my best to explain to myself why I was so interested in this video. Everything I found completely engrossed me into this subculture. I just kept researching and reading and watching.

Basically, she is a “Scene Rave Girl”. The thing she was doing with her hand is called PLUR, an acronym for Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. They’re the principles commonly associated with Rave culture. The bracelet she “traded” is commonly called Kandi. They’re made of pony beads and string. Honestly, finding this out made me more intrigued to this. So I started listening to rave music. The first song I listened to was Pretty Rave Girl by S3RL (the song in the video) and Eat Sleep Rave Repeat by Fatboy Slim, Riva Starr, and Beardyman. I found myself completely in love with these songs. The high energy, the  beat drops, the crazy nostalgia that comes with this music. I was completely and absolutely head-over-heels with it. All of it. This made me feel crazy, because never in my life had I felt such a molecular connection with a bass drop, ya’ know?

This sent me whirling into an identity crisis. Do I want to be a “Scene Rave Girl”? Do I want to spend money on a festival where I can be in a crowd of sweaty bodies moving to a song that has practically no emotional value? Do I want to dress as if I send “Rawr XD ^-^” in text conversations? And the answer, sadly, is yes. I want to be a “Scene Rave Girl”. I want to jump around in a crowd of must and stank at the slight chance that I might become friends with another “Scene Rave Girl” and we rave together. I want to get dressed in crazy beautiful makeup that makes me look like a concert fairy. I want all of that. And that’s what ate me up most on the inside.

Knowing this knowledge, I cried in the lap of my great friend, Chloe Russell. I sat on the floor beside her chair and laugh-cried myself into hysteria while Callie calmly chuckled at me. She began poking fun at me, I guess her way of making the situation better, and we giggled together. And, in this conversation, she told me I was a RSCO Girl–a rave VSCO girl. That made me cry a little harder, because although it made no sense whatsoever, it fit. But her humor helped. And after that, I calmed down. I sucked up my tears and I got over it. Who hasn’t had a little identity crisis at some point before they turn 18? So, yeah. That’s it.

Merry Christmas!!!