From an early age I was scared of new people. I have multiple stories of embarrassing occurrences because of this. I want to share them with you, and also show you how I have changed over the years.
Embarrassing Situation #1
It was the night we were to take my brother to karate. I brought my coloring books, and my brother brought his karate clothes. At the time, my brother was trying to convince me to join karate. I always made up the excuse that I was mean enough to protect myself. I was only around 7.
So I sat outside the dojo with my coloring books. I even acquired a new friend who colored with me. Until, the urge to use the restroom came (oh no).
You would think that I would just go in there and ask my dad to take me. In fact, I did walk in there, but I got really scared. Scared of what? The sensei, because he frightened me for no real reason.
I headed back outside, and was in distress. My coloring books could not keep my mind off of my bladder. So then, the sidewalk turned into liquid.
I lost my new friend that day (which is understandable). I was mortified, and my dad wondered why I didn’t ask him. It seemed simple to him, but I was extremely shy.
Embarrassing (just sad actually) Situation #2
In 3rd grade I went to a private school. I grew up with the people around me, and became close to them. It was a church-school, so I went to church there. It was like my safe place. Until we went to another church.
It’s sad really, because I was in 8th grade back then (which wasn’t long ago). I was so awkward when I went to this new church. I despised going to their youth group. Why? Because everyone had their cliques, and I was over there being friends with the teacher. Now that’s pretty sad.
You could argue that I was more mature than my peers, and I preferred more intelligent conversations. That’s not the case though. I wanted to make friends, but I never did. I always made things uncomfortable.
Sad Situation #3
Yeah, I cannot call this embarrassing anymore because it is just sad…
It was 2019 in the summer, and I was at an event with several people I didn’t know. I started to look around, and all of the sudden my breath started to quicken. My eyes widened, and I teared up. I drank my drink a little to fast. My mom was concerned.
I had to go to the restroom. I couldn’t let people see me cry. I closed the bathroom stall and cried. It was too much for me. I couldn’t take it.
I went back into the event room, and my breath started to quicken again. My mom realized it was because of the people. We went outside and I started hyperventilating, and apologizing.
Maybe I wasn’t just shy after all. Maybe it was more than that…
Me Currently (not a sad situation):
I have been doing much better since I have been at MSA. Sure, there is a lot of people, but they are my people. It has really allowed me to be myself, and not think too much about my social anxiety.
Yes, it is much more than just shyness. It does not define who I am though! My social events throughout life have been awkward, but I am okay with that.
Although, I still have a rough time, I want to encourage others like me to not discredit yourself. Even though you may be the one that sits in the corner, or even uses your phone as a crutch, you are much more than your anxiety (or even shyness). You have your very own lovely personality, and don’t let anyone cover over that with the label: shy person.
Social situations are too much sometimes. I understand how you feel, but I know you are more than that. You’ve got this, I believe in you 😉
I don’t think I’ve ever read something more relatable. this was both reassuring and comforting (and sad of course because I love you and it makes me sad you have to struggle with this). I have much respect for you that you could write publicly about your experiences, that takes a bravery that i don’t have. Very well written and intriguing to read:)
So first of all I love some of your phrasing (“So then, the sidewalk turned into liquid.”), very creative and nicely expressed. Also, I am glad you decided to share these pieces of your life because it is just so relatable, honestly.
This piece is relatable and honest and i just love it and you brotato chip
I too went through I shy phase and it was ridiculous. I honestly would not talk to anyone except my family and this prevented me from having childhood friends. But i don’t regret that at all it made me the person who I am today. Being at MSA I’m going through a few changes as a person and it is doing nothing to help my social life. Thank you for this post it was a great reminder on how I just need to take it on step at a time.