To Pimp A Butterfly Pt.2

Kendrick Lamar Album Cover, Kendrick Lamar Lyrics, Chicanas Tattoo ...

9. Momma = 4:43

“Until I realized I didn’t know sh*t”

The song begins with Kendrick talking about his success. He knows all the things he accomplished, and he even says, “This feelin’ is brought to you by adrenaline and good rap.” Everything he has done brought him success but it also back home and he is glad about that. He says, “I would say it got me get a plaque, but what’s better than that? The fact it brought me back home.” Kendrick then goes on to talk about everything he knows, which is everything. He knows himself and mortality; he knows the streets, religion, and politics. It goes on for a very long time, and as we know Kendrick is very educated so it may be true that he knows all these things to some extent, but he ends his knowledge with saying he realized he knew nothing when he returned home which means he is acknowledging that if he knows everything it means nothing without his home. In verse 3 Kendrick begins talking about a little boy he met in South African that resembled him when he was younger. This relates him to him returning home to Compton, showing how he was still connected to the people around him despite being away for a while. The boy says, “Kendrick you do know my language/You just forgot because of what public schools had painted.” 

10. Hood Politics = 4:52

“They give us guns and drugs, call us thugs”

This song begins with Dr. Dre portraying one of Kendrick’s old friends who have been left on voicemail. The voice is laughing at him over becoming a rapper telling him, “Don’t tell me they got you on some weirdo rap sh*t. No socks and skinny jeans.” A lot of Kendrick’s friends growing up weren’t used to his new lifestyle since he couldn’t talk with them daily and most of them took offense to this behavior. Kendrick starts the chorus by calling everything boo-boo (the funniest thing ever to me). He’s been A1 since day 1 and everyone else and boo-boo! He goes on for bit naming things, but the main focus of this song are “politics” of the hood/rap, with Kendrick saying he doesn’t care about these politics despite being a very political person. He speaks on gangs/cliques who fight with others about different neighborhoods. He even talked about the LAPD saying, “The LAPD gamblin’, scramblin’, football numbers sladerin’.” Which is rereferring to certain scandals they have been in and tried to cover up. “Football numbers” refers to a term being served in prison. Kendrick also says, “From Compton to Congress/Demo-Crips and Re-Blood-icans”, Which talks about how some officials talk down on these communities despite being a big part in communities being separated and being against one another. He also references the book “DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government” that was written by Jesse Ventura, who was a former Minnesota governor about how certain places are marked certain colors (red and blue mainly), which seems like it’s separated as a gang territory. Kendrick uses this allusion to point out hypocrisy in some government officials. The poem continues in this song, “But that didn’t stop survivors’ guilt/Going back and forth/Trying to convince myself the stripes I earned/Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was/But while my loved ones was fighting a continuous war/Back in the city/I was entering a new one.”

11. How Much a Dollar Cost = 4:21

“My selfishness is what got me here”

Kendrick starts this song by saying, “How much a dollar really cost? /The question is detrimental, paralyzin’ my thoughts.” Kendrick is pondering the actual worth of a dollar, but this entire song is Kendrick questioning his moral because he introduces us to a homeless man asking him for a dollar. Kendrick refuses to give it to him, assuming that he’ll be using it for drugs despite the homeless man begging for the money to have food. The man also starts to convince Kendrick he doesn’t want the money for drugs saying, “My son, temptation is one thing I’ve defeated. Listen to me, I want a single bill from you. Nothin’ less, nothin’ more.” Kendrick even goes on to tell the man he doesn’t have it despite just buying gas. We’re at a gas station! The chorus is sung by James Fauntleroy in the perspective of God, saying, “It’s more to feed your mind/Water, sun and love, the one you love/All you need, the air you breathe” This voice is telling us that life itself is worth more than a singular dollar, and these things are really all you should need in your life. The homeless man is in disbelief over Kendrick not giving him the singular dollar he had asked for, and Kendrick begins angry as he wonders why this man is so upset with him. He even says, “Until I could see/ A reason why he was mad, a stranger like I was supposed to save him/Like I’m the reason he’s homeless and askin’ me for a favor.” Kendrick is infuriated with this man, even saying that he was being guilt tripped by him. He begins telling the man he needs it all and that he has nothing to give out to him, even calling him a bum. SO, the big reveal comes as the man says, “Known the truth, it’ll set you free. You’re looking at the Messiah, the son of Jehovah, the Higher Power/And I’ll tell you just how much a dollar cost/The price of having a spot in Heaven, embrace your loss, I am God.” This tears Kendrick apart the next line being, “I wash my hands, I said my grace, what more do you want from me?” His selfishness caused him his spot in Heaven.

12. Complexion (A Zulu Love) = 4:23

“I made a flower for you outta cotton”

This song starts off by saying, “Complexion don’t mean a thing (It’s a Zulu love).” In this song it talks about the color of your skin and how that shouldn’t dictate the type of person you are. Zulu love is relating to the Zulu philosophy which translates to “human kindness” or “humanness”. In verse 1 Kendrick starts off saying, “Dark as the midnight hour or bright as the mornin’ sun.” Then he goes on to say that he doesn’t care about anyone’s complexion, and it also refers to how many different colors African Americans can be despite all being Black people. In the next line Kendrick talks about being snuck into a window by a White girl who he gave a flower made of cotton to, and he tells her he’s “ten toes down/even if master listenin’, cover your ears, he ’bout to mention complexion.” Kendrick is infatuated with this girl and doesn’t want “master” to stick the idea of racism into her head. Later in the song Kendrick introduces Rapsody who wrote her own verse for this song. She talks about complexion and how darker Black Americans usually feel inferior to those around them, she even says, “Light don’t mean you smart, bein’ dark don’t mean you stupid.” She ends her verse saying, “Black as brown, hazelnut, cinnamon, black tea/And it’s all beautiful to me/Call your brothers magnificent, call all the sisters queens/We all on the same team, blues and pirus, know colors ain’t a thing.” The song ends on a sad note with Kendrick saying, “Barefoot babies with no care/Teenage gun toters that don’t play fair, should I get out the car? /I don’t see Compton, I see something much worse/The land of the landminds, the hell that’s on earth.” This elaborates on the communities that have been formed with people holding hate against one another and oneself, and people being fearful in their own neighborhoods, usually young teenagers. 

13. The Blacker the Berry = 5:28

“All them say we doomed from the start cah we Black.”

Kendrick starts this song off with a monologue about everything being black., but the background vocals say, “They want us to bow/Down on our knees/And pray to the God/We don’t believe.” It’s speaking of how a lot of people want African Americans to submit in this modern society despite suffering for so long. Kendrick goes on to say, “I own black, I own everything black.” which is him saying that African Americans deserve more than what has been giving to them. In the first verse Kendrick calls himself, “the biggest hypocrite of 2015” and says, “Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean.” SO, we will come back to that line at the end. Kendrick says that he’s been feeling this way since he was sixteen, that America never liked Black Americans despite the actions made to give us more freedom. He says, “You never liked us anyway, f*ck your friendship, I meant it.” Kendrick even lists characteristic stereotypes of Black Americans saying that his hair is nappy and his nose is round and wide. He turns to the audience speaking to us saying, “You hate me, don’t you? /You hate my people, your plan is to terminate my culture.” Kendrick even calls himself a “proud monkey,” which is him taking a word used against Black Americans to reclaim as his own. He even talks about how he was born during the Reagan era, addressing this by saying, “You sabotage my community, makin’ a killin’/You made me a killer.” And this addresses how drugs were put into impoverished areas and led to many killings, that Kendrick had witnessed himself. The line, “The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice” alludes to The Blacker the Berry: A Novel of Negro Life written by Wallace Thurman during the Harlem Renaissance. It’s simply a positive affirmation to darker African Americans, but Kendrick ends this pre-chorus saying, “The blacker the berry, the bigger I shoot.” which alludes to a darker skinned person being more likely to get hurt due to their skin color. In the Chorus, Kendrick gets Assassin to sing where he talks about being treated as lower due to being Black. He says, “How you no see the whip, left scars ‘pon me back/But now we have a big whip parked ‘pon the block.” Which talks about luxury, but this American dream of materialism is another form of oppression. At the end Kendrick talks about Zulu and Xhosa, two of the biggest tribes in South America, who might go to war which reminds him of gangs in Compton. He accepts that it doesn’t matter if he likes to preach with the Panthers, referring the Black Panther party. Or say that Marcus Garvey has all the answers, the man who supported the “Back to Africa” movement saying that all Black Americans should get on a boat and sail back home. He says he tries to celebrate February like it’s his birthday, and eat watermelon, chicken, and drink Kool-Aid on the weekdays, or jump as high as Michael Jorden. He just goes on about stereotypical things that he wants to enjoy, but he ends the song saying. “So why did I weep when Trayvon Martin was in the street /When gang-banging make me kill a n- blacker than me? / Hypocrite.” 

This is getting kinda long, and I actually want people to read this, so I will save the other songs for another blog. Oopsie!!

“All Down Darkness Wide” Review

Content/Trigger Warning (for both the book and this blog): Mental health struggles, mentions of AIDS, suicidal ideation, relationship struggles, partner death, parental death, brief mentions of possible addiction

 

All Down Darkness Wide is a memoir encapsulating the young adult life of the author, Seán Hewitt. In this memoir, Hewitt explains the convoluted relationship he has with death and his own sexuality. He sees his blood as a historical artifact; a reminder of all the queer men and women before him who were killed by AIDS. While this story focuses on Hewitt’s time as a young, post-college life, the first few chapters elaborate on Hewitt’s time in high school and college. He discusses past relationships that ended in turmoil and the emotional baggage that has left him with. After this, we see Hewitt, despite his financial troubles at the time, save up enough to visit Columbia. This trip introduces the second most important person in this story, a man named Elias. From this point on, the story centers around Elias and Hewitt’s relationship.

This isn’t a love story, though- at least, not entirely. Elias and Seán do love each other very much, but it becomes evident from the very beginning that Elias is not in a good enough mental space to be in any sort of relationship. His insecurities, anxieties, and depression begin to weigh on Hewitt, who believes it’s his duty to take care of Elias. They’re together for a few years, both spiraling deeper into the droves of mental illness, before the two break up. Hewitt reflects on his relationship with Elias, as well as the other men he dated in college and in high school. While not all of his relationship ended poorly, it seems that quite a few have really weighed on his psyche. After their separation, Hewitt continues spiraling. He is forced into a journey of self discovery, all on his own. 

This book tackles some serious themes of depression, suicidal ideation, addiction, and death; all in a manner that feels both respectful and genuine. Nothing is softened to the point it loses its effect or meaning but, at the same time, there aren’t unnecessarily gory details that feel disrespectful or out of place. Hewitt is a poet, and you can pick that up from his prose. He describes places, people, and objects with such vivid detail that it feels like you’re there in the moment with him. My personal favorite aspect of this book is the perspective you get of the partner feeling the need to be the sole provider and caretaker for their mentally ill significant other. I feel that it’s a common trope in media to see this story from the other perspective; someone struggling with mental health issues finds themself relying on a friend or lover to help them through their struggles. A lot of the time, this is painted in a positive or romanticized light. The fact of the matter is that, oftentimes, this is a burden upon unwilling partners who frankly aren’t responsible for being their significant other’s full time therapist. This book gives a new perspective, while staying sympathetic and understanding to everyone mentioned. You find yourself understanding why Hewitt stayed for so long and simultaneously feeling for Elias who is clearly struggling on his own and was just grateful that someone was there to help take the weight off his shoulders. 

I easily give this book a 10/10. The writing is beautiful, the characters are multifaceted, the plot is diverse and nonlinear in a digestible and understandable fashion. Even if the plot isn’t your cup of tea, the writing will inspire you on your writing journey. I first read this book back in 2022 and I finished it in about a week. I read it while I was away at a writing camp and it helped me through the writer’s block that I often feel when I’m in a creative writing class or course. I’ve found, since reading this book, that reading is the best way to cure my writer’s block. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is curious. Whether you enjoy poetry, memoirs, or are simply intrigued by this blog. I bought my copy from the Leumeria library in Jackson, but you can find this book wherever books are sold. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of All Down Darkness Wide.

Why you should re-read the House on Mango Street

Let’s cut to the chase. Everyone knows about this book, and if don’t know about this book then that’s proof enough to tell me that you weren’t paying attention in middle school English class. It’s okay. I wasn’t either. But that’s just to say that The House on Mango Street is more than just a part of your draining middle school English course. And if you spare me a few minutes of reading I’m sure you’ll understand why this book is so good.

Firstly, I want to admit that I didn’t like this book when I read it in my English class. My old English teacher gave us a quiz for every chapter, and that alone was enough to take me out of the novel. Even the amazing writing flew over my head because I was so focused on memorizing names and places for our next quiz. Then I got to writing school, started writing poems and novels of my own and realized that I didn’t give that book a proper chance. So, a year ago, I dedicated myself to re-reading it. And I liked it so much that I re-read it again. And again. Now, I recognize it as my favorite book. This isn’t a blog to persuade you to love it, but just to persuade you to read it again, because I promise you, it deserves a second chance.

And if you haven’t heard of this book until now, hopefully this blog can convince you to check it out. Now let’s get into what I absolutely love about this book.

1.Every character is so unique.  How am I so sure? I’ve read a lot of books, and no character has left such an impression on me the way Esperanza, Nenny, Rachel, Lucy, Cathy, Meme, Louis and more have. These characters bring so much life to the story that the reader is in for an instant refresher. We have Esperanza who wishes her family was not poor, yet she becomes friends with Lucy and Rachel who are slightly less stable than she is. And despite her distaste for living on Mango Street she longs for friendship and community. And then we have Cathy who loves cats and claims that she will eventually go to France to claim her royal bloodline, but truthfully, she is just teenage girl who wishes she were anywhere else but Mango Street. There are so many tactics that Cisneros use to make her characters human. Their hair type, their speech, their insecurities, their lies, their movements, their environment and more. Every person in this book is tailored in ways that leave you speechless. It’s amazing.

2. The writing style is God sent. For those of you who were taught this book in English class, did you ever notice how the writing was unique in comparison to other children’s fiction novels? I’m not sure how to word it but this book is narratively poetic. There are so many moments in this novel that sound like poetry to me, and I feel like that’s what attracts a lot of readers. There’s a lot of repetition and simplicity in this book. Plus, the chapters are short and juicy and could very well be some type of longer poetry. What really stands out to me about this book is the writing style. It has a journal entry style, where the protagonist speaks with their own dialect, rather than the added literary elements. By the writing style alone, we can see where Esperanza comes from, that she is only twelve years old, and that she doesn’t have much experience. But she is very in tune with the world around her. This book is so interesting because the journal-entry style makes the story feel personal and real. It’s also a good reference to study if you want to learn about writing from the perspective of children.

3. It will open your eyes. I feel like the main thing that I should’ve mentioned earlier about this book is its roots in the Latino community. The writer is Latino, and this story is some testament to her experience growing up in a low-income and Latino neighborhood. There are mentions of the protagonist’s heritage and where her family came from, the type of food they make, and how they celebrate certain holidays. Honestly, I’ve learned so much more about Latino culture from reading this book. I think that’s one of the most important take-aways from this novel. So, if you’re looking for a good book to sink your claws into that is as interesting as it is informative, The House on Mango Street is a novel that you need to add to your reading list. And if you aren’t too fond of it at first, try reading one chapter every so often. It doesn’t have to be in order. What’s important is that you’re witnessing this amazing story unfold, happy reading!

Book Tok is the reason I sleep til’ noon the next day.

Since coming back from Spring Break, I have found myself staying up on my phone gasping and crying, being dramatic, and all of the above because of one thing. Books. 

I am losing sleep over Book Tok and Book Gram, and everything else that has me adding to a TBR list that hasn’t even started physically, barely even mentally.    

You guys listen, the reason I am about to ramble about this is because all of these books that are brought to my attention usually start with those reel quotes or questions.  Like, have you passed those reels on Instagram where it shows a book where the ending was like this song?  Or as writers I’m pretty sure we have all seen those one-line prompts.  You know, the ones that are like tell me the first line of your favorite book to try and convince me. Then there’s the ones that want you to talk about a character you’re creating, but when you finally have a chance to see how much you know about that character it all just comes up blank.  Everything I see about those books just leads to rabbit holes that give writers advice until I’m on the side when someone is hating on a book I actually loved for no reason. So now I am just going through author rage bait until it gets really chaotic. 

That’s not the point though.  The point is, through all of the book community I have come across some really neat quotes (first lines) or some books that I may actually want to read one day.  I also have come across some neat advice that could actually be beneficial.  And while there is a lot of good that comes with the book media, I have come across some funny interactions because of unpopular opinions that I’ve come across.  I am going to talk about a little of everything in between. 

QUOTES IN BOOKS THAT SOUND LIKE RIHANNA’S “STAY” AUDIO  

“Don’t let the cereal eat you.  It’s only a fucking box of cereal, but it will eat you alive if you let it.” – Girl in Pieces 

The cereal! Like dude, I wonder what the context was here. I mean, I haven’t read this book myself, but I have friends who have, so when this popped up on my book media, I was like, this line is genius.  I know the book itself is centered around teen mental health and self-harm, so for this to be one of the lines in there just lets me know that I can expect some mic drops and fire motifs. 

“but there are worse games to play.”  – Katniss Everdeen, Mockingjay 

I have read the book and watched all the movies, so this line hurt me.  I mean, it’s sad that this was true, today you could apply this to a lot of scenarios, and it could still be true, depending on the context.  In Mockingjay, I valued a lot of decisions that Katniss had to make, no matter what may have been hard, I don’t want to spoil it, but at the end of the movie franchise, I applauded what she did.  It made sense.  If you disagree, well let’s just agree to disagree.  She just wanted to put a final end to the carnage.  

“People say you don’t know what you had until it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.” – Peeta Mellark 

Again, I know this story like the back of my hand. This line right here is sadly true, and people experience this type of pain every day. The context behind this just made me want to look at the sky as I floated away in the ocean. 

“The worst feeling is when you want to go home, but you are already there” – Our life 

 

Excuse me, I’m just going to go and stare at a wall now.  

What is this and why did I feel this way last Summer?  I don’t know if I have the willpower to read this book, but if I ever do, I’m going to have to sit in the dark next to a window that gives the view of rain outside while I smell the scent of cherries and chocolate chip cookies or something to go through the motions. 

BOOKS’ FIRST LINES THAT GIVE THE SAME VIBE AS THE ARCANE EXPLOSION

‘The last time I attended a funeral; I ended up with a broken arm.” — The Fine Print 

I started this series, it was good.  I haven’t completed the series, but if it’s as good as the first book, then maybe I shall.  That line is unexpected and catches the attention immediately.  It also gives the explosion vibes because I don’t know how I should take this, but it leads up well. 

“I wonder what kind of sound it would make if I were to smash this glass against the side of his head.” — November

See look, this line is intriguing, and it gives a great insight onto a small part of the narrators’ personality.  I would finish this book based on this line if it weren’t for one thing, Colleen Hoover wrote this.  And I do feel some type of way about Colleen Hoover.   What do you all think, would this line still make you read the book? 

“I have a heart for every year I’ve been alive” – To Kill a Kingdom 

I’ve been wanting to read more fantasy lately, but you know, it just piles up with the rest of the books, BUT I’ll get there eventually.  I heard that this book was gut-wrenching and almost like a movie in the best way possible.  And the title, I mean come on, that title DEVOURS!  Hooked immediately.  And I just wonder, are those the hearts that were collected from the enemies that tried to destroy them, or are they actual hearts in their body?  I need to know. 

COULD’VE DROPPED SOME ADVICE BUT IMMA GATE KEEP CAUSE THE WORDS STARTED WORDING TO WORD COUNT, SO HERE’S BOOKS THAT BOOKGRAM MADE ME ADD TO MY LONG TBR LIST 

 FIVE TOTAL STRANGERS 

It’s a Young Adult thriller by Natalie D. Richards.  The book is about five college students who get stranded at an airport during a snowstorm. They’re strangers to each other that all find out that they’re all headed in the same direction. So, what’s a better idea for them to get where they need to be, then ride 6 hours together in a rental car. The idea works at first, until the main character realizes that her travel buddies are hiding something dangerous.  Now she must uncover the truth before the trip turns deadly.  

I want to read this mystery.  Everyone says that even though it’s a thriller story, it kind of has a bunch of sad moments that give you a gut wrench.  My type of book. 

YOU CAN TRUST ME 

 First and foremost, the cover is so pretty, but after reading the synopsis it’s so misleading.  

When Alana’s best friend is found deceased in a pool, the cause results come back to be a date rape drug from a drink that was supposed to be for Alana. The boys that are suspected to be responsible aren’t held accountable in any form. Alana hates this so she decides to find out which of the boys did it before she becomes the next target. 

It’s supposed to attract the readers of Holly Jackson and Karen McManus, which is literally me, so of course I want to read it.  

I had more books, but I passed the word count, so until next time. 

 

Insert Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson 

 

Life and Death Through The Eyes of Joe Black


I recently had the pleasure to watch a film that has been recommended to many a multitude of times. I only finished yesterday, however, I’m obsessed. The symbolism, the writing, the characters, and the plot. It’s all so perfect. The film I’m talking about is Meeting Joe Black.
I’m not the best at avoiding spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it, I advise that you stop now and watch it. This is a movie worth going into blind. I unfortunately had a small part spoiled by my roommate, and I think it took away a small aspect that would have made it all the better.
So, I’m warning you now, that I will be going over spoilers.

Meeting joe black is a movie about how death takes human form. From context and dialogue, we can tell that death has been very lonely. He said himself, that if we were to take our understanding of time, multiply millinea by infinity, and take it to the deepest depths, we would only see a glimpse of how long he has been around. Death wants to—for lack of a better word— take a tour of life. He wants to experience whimsy and wonder. After millenia (times infinity) he wants to explore the world the the body of a mortal.

To do this, he confronts a man who’s soon to depart from the world. Bill.
Bill is an extremely wealthy man soon to reach his 65th birthday. Death confronts him, telling Bill that he would extend his time on earth to however long Bill could keep him entertained. Death sticks by Bill for most parts of the movie, side by side. Bill introduces Death to his family. Not as death, but as Joe Black. No further information is given, and he keeps himself very secretive from the group. 

Death takes many likings to being a mortal, one specifically that I found the most humorous was how much Joe liked peanut butter. Throughout the three-hour movie, in random scenes, he’ll be eating a spoonful of peanut butter. I thought it played fairly similar to how Ryuk from Death Note liked apples. Anyways, Joe Black seems to take an interest in Bill’s daughter Susan. Susan is a Doctor, and that plays a very interesting part throughout the movie. 

When Joe wishes to see Susan, he goes to the Hospital where she works. There is SO MUCH symbolism in this scene. Joe is dressed in all black, while the doctors are in white. Death commonly being associated with black, and life with white. Joe stands dressed in a slim black suit, and white doctors push their way past him wearing white.  The irony of Death standing amidst people who save lives. I don’t know, I just thought that made such an interesting scene.

Joe goes on to fall in love with Susan, and Susan with him. There’s something almost poetic about how Death falls in love with a doctor. I think it shows a unique and interesting balance that 

Can only be found in very few movies.

Joe falls so deeply in love that he tells Bill he’s taking Susan with him when he leaves. Which I assumed meant to take her life with him. However, this contradicts the deal that Bill and Joe made with one another. If Bill willingly complies and works with Death, he wouldn’t harm his family. Death seems to have no morals in his word. He tells Bill it doesn’t matter, and he’ll take Susan regardless. I love this next part




Joe Black: I don’t care Bill. I love her.

William Parrish: How perfect for you – to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That’s not love.

Joe Black: Then what is it?

William Parrish: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging – it’s missing everything that matters.

Joe Black: Which is what?

William Parrish: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.

Joe Black: So that’s what love is according to William Parrish?

William Parrish: Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I’m talking about.

Joe Black: Those were my words.



William Parrish: They’re mine now.

I love how Bill turns Joe’s own words against him. I had to have rewatched that scene nearly six times out of sheer appreciation.

In conclusion, this movie has made me take another look at Life and Death. This movie made death seem so much more beautiful than our books and movies tend to. I think anyone in their right mind should give this film a chance. And yes, it was rather lengthy, However, It didn’t take away from the experience, at least not for me. 

changes.

hey everyone, when thinking about what i wanted to talk about this week, i found that no matter what i thought about, it all came back to me, and to me changing.  the biggest change i’ve been thinking about is college, changing where i spend my every day, who i see every day, and what i do in between the sun’s rising and setting. 

it’s not for certain yet, but it looks like im going to be going to the university of iowa. a place known as the university for writers but lately ive known if more for the fact that it is 12 hours away. 12 hours that seem to stretch and contort itself much farther than a plane ride or a days’ worth of bus and trains. stretching much farther from anything and everything that i have come to love. 

and i’m aware im kind of sounding whiney, i get to go to a school i think i’ll enjoy and hopefully ill make friends and a post like this will one day be nothing but an afterthought, but no matter how much i think i might enjoy it, sometimes i wish i could just skip it, go straght to the part of my life that i want to be in, back where im with the people i want to be in a place where i can be me, but what i’ve learned from that wanting is that it isn’t what i need.

if i want anyone to come out of this blog reading learning at least one thing, i would want it to be that if the time you spend unhappy, anxious, or making mistakes was skipped over, you’d erase yourself. and i think this might be one of the few times in which i think i have my past to thank for something. because i know at one time, whether it was me struggling through middle school or freshman year, i wished that i could just skip over all of highschool, now i sit writing this blog at the end of my final year with only one or two more blog posts happy that I didn’t skip a thing. 

the last time that i took the time to write out something that i felt when it came to this subject was actually the last poetry assignemnt, maybe it is cheap to add in a poem that i already turned in but i think it has a lot to do with everything going on at the moment-

 

(p.s.)

 

the morning i came to visit,



i took my shoes off at the door.

down next to plants that had long 

since grown out of their pots,

and weeds that had made 

themselves at home in the

cracks of the front porch

 

i dusted off the handle of

the old screen door

and let the sound of it

swinging open cascade and

echo throughout my eardrums



the morning i came to visit,



i walked into an empty room

that smelled of lavender perfume,

smothered by mildew 

and cigarette butts

 

the ghost of chandeliers hung in

the form of wires protruding

from the ceiling. the

contents of each room  

now either rest under white

sheets or are sprawled out

across the front lawn.



the morning i came to visit



i filled my bag with empty 

lipstick containers 

and picture frames,

and layed down on your

old mattress, battered and beat

i tried to hear your voice in the 

chirping of the birds outside

the window of what 

used to be your bedroom.

and i tried to smell your smell in the air,

i didn’t smell a thing, even if i 

told myself i did



the morning i came to visit



i knew you had gone out for a while

 

 

After writing this poem I realized that all I have been doing is staring at wounds that had healed a long time ago without me realizing, and I think that is part of the beauty of change, and what took me the longest to understand. Sometimes change is just different, nothing more and nothing less. I’m scared of things changing because they might not be as good as they are now, but when it comes down to it think I changed a long time ago, as well as a few seconds ago. It honestly makes me think about this one quote from Jake the Dog I love,

 

“The shapes are always changing. Changing is their normal state, like us. Even if we’re not changing on the outside, we’re changing on the inside constantly. There’s some stuff about me that I’d been ignoring for a long time. I’m afraid of that stuff. But its part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I’ll be all right.”

Frog Blog: Fronds of Frogs!

Frogbloginning (Frog-blog-beginning) 

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Yet the frog blog still returns! I’ve been looking forward to writing one all senior year, but I haven’t actually gotten on it until now. I just can’t go into May without a frog blog. It’s mandatory to my heart. I love frogs. And information. And sharing information. Basically, I really wanted to do a frog blog before senior year gets out. 

I really do feel like there should be more to say here, though. I mean, graduation is approaching faster than I ever want it to be. We’re getting a class for personal projects. Senior showcases are looming. But I guess part of frog blogging joy is that we don’t have to discuss all that. We just need to discuss frogs! And boy, do I have some frogs to share. Course the hype through your veins. Away we frog! 

Grey Foam-Nest Tree Frog (Chiromantis xerampelina) 

(Source 1) (Source 2) 

I first found out about these frogs through a friend! They sent me a video of this species making a foam nest, and it was immediately insane. However normal they may look, they aren’t! They’re an arboreal species, meaning they live in trees. Though you could spot them visiting some water source to rehydrate, you probably wouldn’t see them swimming or even just sitting in a lake. To survive dry spells, their skin isn’t as permeable as other frogs, and they change color according to temperature! Dark to light are the colors they can go through. Darkening their color allows them to absorb more heat from the sun, while lightening their color allows them to reflect heat. There’re even more adaptations they have which you can check out if you click the sources. I just know what you’re mainly wondering about: their name. These frogs build nests of foam to hold their eggs! Female foam-nest frogs, which are bigger than the males, secrete a kind of mucus from their cloaca, which they churn into foam using their back legs. The foam will then harden a bit on the outer later, all in all protecting the eggs and keeping them moist. Female foam nesting frogs do this with a lot of males present to fertilize the eggs. They also build their nests above water sources, so once the eggs turn to tadpoles, they can eventually wriggle out of the foam and into the water below. Keeping the eggs out of the water until then increases the chances of survival. Developing into a tadpole only takes about six days for a grey foam-nest tree frog! 

Water-Holding Frog (Cyclorana platycephala) 

 

(Source 1) (Source 2) 

The water holding frog! Like the foam-nest frog, this frog is pretty much its name, too! They live in areas with dry periods, meaning they’re on their own when it comes to water a lot of the time. For frogs, that sounds pretty impossible, but its actually really interesting how species adapt to live without the things they need. Water-holding frogs go about this by aestivating and burrowing! Aestivation is basically hibernation but in the hot, dry season of summer instead of winter. During aestivation, deep inside their muddy burrows, water-holding frogs shed layers and layers of their skin, all the while secreting a watertight mucus. The shed and mucus lines their burrow, allowing them to maintain their water with more efficiency. And, while they survive off all the nutrition they stored while awake, they may eat their den lining if they need to. It doesn’t end here, either! All of this would constitute the name ‘water-holding’, but the name is from the fact they absorb up to half their body weight in water. They store all of that water in their bladder in skin pockets to survive aestivation. Even if it takes years, the water-holding frog can arise from its burrow again, froggy as always. On the surface, they feed, breed, then fill up on water again to hit the burrow.  

Fringed Leaf Frog (Cruziohyla craspedopus) 

(Source 1) (Source 2) 

Also called the fringed tree frog, and most definitely one of the most colorful guys to ever color. (Not really, but you know what I mean.) You’d think the hues they flaunt would mean danger- toxins, poisons-!- but you’d be wrong! Fringed leaf frogs are safe to handle. For you, at least. Don’t go picking up frogs willy-nilly. These frogs do, however, change color! They rapidly switch into brown hues during the night, then return to vibrancy in the day. They also hide their yellow underbellies when adhering to a surface for camouflage. As for where they live, it’s high up in the treetops. Their eggs can be found on ground level, as they only descend to breed! 

Red-Eyed Tree Frog (Agalychnis callidryas) 

(Source 1) (Source 2) 

And lastly, I thought it would be neat to close with a classic frog! The kind you see in cartoons and logos and whatnot. We all know the red-eyed tree frog, but what do we actually know about it? For starters, they’re nocturnal, like a lot of other frogs. They can also change their color to brownish or dark green! They lay eggs on the undersides of leaves (over a pond) or on the shores of ponds, then leave the eggs soon after. One of the biggest things to me was finding out the purpose of their eyes. Why red? It turns out the red is for a thing called startle coloration! Imagine one moment you’re about to eat a little green morsel, then suddenly it looks up with gigantic, burning red peepers. They’re meant to spook predators out of eating them. Pretty neat! 

Frogblogending (Frog-blog-ending) 

You’d be surprised how difficult it is to get a conclusive call on a frog’s scientific name. Research takes time, but it’s fun, and it only gets better with frogs. Don’t feel afraid to share your own frog facts in the comments below, if you so wish! Or just share what your favorite frog is, on the list or not. There’s so much out there! Until next time, frog blog out. The frogs are never ending! 

Starkid’s Hatchetfield Trilogy!!!! (again)

Part 2 of 2: Black Friday 

We left off with Uncle Wiley aka Wilbur Cross feeding into our main antagonist Linda Monroe’s want to be adored in order to have her help him bring along the birth of a god aka “Wiggly”. 

Immediate cut to the white house where we find out that Hatchetfield isn’t the only place dealing with this extreme shopper mania. Its all over America at this point and even threatening other countries. The president is wracking his brain for an answer but the search is cut short when a doll is revealed in the white house and they all nearly turn on eachother before a the doll is shot by none other than General Macnamara from TGWDLM. He informs President Goodman that to defeat Wiggly they must step into the black. 

Another cut Becky and Tom are in an empty movie theatre while Becky nurses Toms stab wound. The two begin to share about their lives since high school, Tom expresses guilt for Jane’s death, stating that if Jane were driving the accident wouldn’t have ever happened and that he killed his family. Becky then begins to share her story, meeting Stanely and the beginning of his violent behavior dating back to high school. It is then we find out Stanley never left Becky. Becky found out about Jane’s death and wanted to attend the funeral much to Stanley dismay. But she fought back, he chased her into the woods where she stabbed him in his femoral artery, a blood vessel she only knew about because Stanley encouraged her to be a nurse. After both revelations the two share a song and a passionate kiss. 

Cut back to Macnamara and Goodman, here we learn that there’s another dimension referred to as the black and white, this dimension is led by Wiggly as he is also the dolls and Wilbur Cross(Uncle Wiley) was a man who pledged his loyalty to Wiggly and disappeared not long after and that his goal is to have a birth canal built so he can enter their dimension. 

We cut toy Sherman Young pledging his loyalty to Wiggly to the other residents at the mall, goons bring in Frank and Lex who are bound. After that it is then they introduce their “mother” Linda. Linda slits Frank’s throat after he fails to tell her where to find a Wiggly. She heads over to Lex who denies knowing anything about a Wiggly before a mall cop turned crazed cult follower reveals security tapes from earlier announcing that Lex gave the doll to a little girl with pigtails and a baseball cap, Hannah. Linda sends goons after Hannah as others drag Lex away who’s pleading with them to not hurt her. 

Cut to Hannah, hiding away frightened it is then a spirit who resembles Ethan steps forward and tries to lead Hannah astray, telling her to give the doll to Linda. Wiggly then speaks to Hannah himself but his magic seems to not affect her at all. The come Tom and Becky also turned crazed by Wiggly’s magic they chase Hannah down, Becky wielding a large needle. When they catch her Becky goes to jab her but ends up getting herself instead knocking her unconscious on top of Hannah, who can’t move her while Tom grabs the doll and flees. The crazed shoppers find Hannah and an unconscious Becky and bring them to Linda.   

Cut to Goodman who’s in the black and white being coached by John. After a failed attempt at reasoning with Wilbur and Wiggly John sacrifices himself to allow President Goodman to leave the black and white. 

In the Toy Store Sherman is holding Lex hostage with the same box cutter used to kill Frank to her neck. She gets him to untie her with a promise of mispaint pony toys. She then knees him in the groin once she’s free, this doesn’t work too as in no time Sherman is back on top of her with his hands around her neck. It is then she sees General Macnamara, he informs her that Hannah isn’t only one connected to the black and white. He encourages her to reach in as he holds out his gun, she is able to reach in and take the gun shooting Sherman and saving her own life. Lex then finds Tom who is just about to leave, she manages to break through Wiggly’s trance and reason with him. It is then he realizes that Tim never even asked for the stupid doll he just wanted to spend time with him. 

Meanwhile, Hannah and an unconscious Becky are being taunted by Linda. Her smile quickly dissipates when she sees that Hannah doesn’t have a doll. Right before Linda has the chance to hurt Hannah in her rage Lex walks in holding the doll. Tom comes from another entrance and holds Linda at gunpoint. She seems to be defeated until Lex holds a lighter up to Wiggly and somehow Linda is able to get away and get her hands back on Wiggly. But she doesn’t celebrate for long before Becky appears holding a gun and shoots Linda in the dead center of her forehead, killing her on the spot. 

Lex sets fire to Wiggly leaving him, the shoppers, and the mall to all go up in flames. 

Becky, Lex, Tom, and Hannah watch the mall burn when Paul and Emma come up to him, relieved he is alive and informing him they are just about to leave but Tim refuses to go anywhere without him. When questioned where to go Emma informs them of her cooky reclusive biology professor.

The final song of the musical poses a question ‘What if tomorrow comes” Our final surviving characters including a few characters from TGWDLM circle around and Tom begins a 15-second countdown at one they all look into the sky and the screens fades to black. 

This video has 3.9 million views on YouTube and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars on Kickstarter in order to get created.

I have to be honest I favor this one over TGWDLM. The amount of world-building present within this musical, the lore that revealed the interpersonal relationships we learn about is unmatched compared to the Jazzy rendezvous TGWDLM was, though I also love that one there really is no competition here.

I definitely recommend checking both out.

continuation

hey everyone, for this month’s blog i have decided to continue on with the story that i began in last month’s blog, but as the year begins to close, and knowing that i only have two blogs remaining i want this part to be my last, becuase i am hoping to make my last two blogs more of a reflection on my time at msa, but anyway-

But as days passed, so did the inches between him and the men in the park. It was only until one of the later days did, they begin to notice him as well, however Dmitri was not sure if it was in a positive or negative connotation. As he had once again found himself entranced with the way that each man would slowly drift their hands across the board as they continued their game. But before he was able to look more into the way the men’s hands would begin to move, he felt something brisk, yet firm grasp his back collar and pick him up into the air. “The fuck do you think that you are doing” a man said to him, the contents of whatever he had eaten that morning spewing on to Dmitri’s face. His teeth were stained a deep yellow and the smell of his breath was something that Dmitri remembered very strongly but did not know how one would even attempt to try to describe it. 

“Let the boy go” he heard boom from throughout the park, or at least it felt as if that was what was happening. Though he was almost certain that whether or not the voice was booming, it caused the man who still had Dmitri’s collar in his grasp to take a step back and quickly drop him to the hard concrete of the park’s path. ” If the boy wants to watch us play than there is no reason why he cannot, and no reason why your fucking disgusting hands should be on the collar of a boy that you do not know,” he said, “Do you understand?” He asked the man; however, he was only met with a fearful studder. “Come get a little closer boy” the man said, getting closer he realized that it was the very same man who he would love to watch. He had slicked back black hair and a nose that would protrude out the front of his face like a plant attempting to escape the confine so of the soil, but most of all he found himself once looking again at the man’s silver tooth, shining in the reflection of the marble board.  As the game continued on, and each man would periodically make moves that had only begun to make the smallest bit of sense to him. He did not know the name of the pieces; however, he knew what each of them did, or at least he thought that he did. “Checkmate” the silver toothed man exclaimed as he slowly placed down his large piece that sat next to the piece with the cross on its head. “Son of a bitch” the other man exclaimed, standing up and angrily throwing his hat on the ground, soon after he began too reluctantly pull money out of his back pocket and placed them in the silver toothed man’s hand. 

Walking away that afternoon he felt as if there was something different, as if getting to see more than just the periodic movements of the pieces themselves changed the way that they themselves would move. Seeing the way that the man would angrily fork over the confines of his wallet just because he moved his pieces the wrong way. Even as Dmitri lied back in one of the alleyways that he frequented it was all that he could think about, even though it had been months of watching the men play, tonight he felt as if he needed to make his way there again. So, the moment that the streetlights turned dark, Dmitri found his legs moving faster than he knew they had the capability of moving. Getting to the park he found himself walking slower and slower, as if something was going to happen if he got too close to boards, but the closer and the closer he found himself getting, the more it felt as if it was calling to him, not in the literal sense, but in the way that he continued to walk, regardless of the fact that he was afraid. Sitting down on one of the chairs that sat behind the board was a surreal feeling. One that he could never imagine until it happened to him. There were no pieces, only the black and white board that was intertwined with the concrete of the table. But this would not be the first time that he snuck to sit by the board, however the last time wouldn’t be too far away either.

It was only when March had turned to April did, he learn the name of the game which met his fascination for the past few months: chess. And it was only when the summer winds began to hit the nights of Moscow did his jacket that was now too tattered to call clothing in, the first place, finally fell apart. It had been a long time since Dmitri had taken off his jacket. But as the first few days of June knocked upon his door Dmitri was left to stare at his arms which were now caked in a deep black dirt. 

 

 

i know this isn’t a completed work but i hope everyone enjoyed what they read 🙂

On Creating Alien Species: Pointers Provided by my Notes and Ramblings.

Have I done a blog on this before? Yes. I have. But I’m also still building aliens and discovering new things about it. I’ve also been sharing my progress with friends, and that’s naturally brought up a lot of questions, which has provided a lot of answers, so… yeah. I’ve figured all these tips I’ve given might help someone out there, so why not share them? Some might be old, but they’re good. At least to me. These are only tips from my personal experience and methods- what works for me won’t work for everyone, and that’s good! Expand and explore and create. It’s fun. But onto the notes:

The hardest part about creating aliens is consistency. See what I mean in an obvious example. I created a sit and wait predator at one point, then proceeded to make them incredibly agile- but that doesn’t make sense. Why would a sit and wait predator need agility? It’s evolutionary niche is to sit and wait. So I had to go back and revise that to make it all coherent. I went about removing the agility. This applies to pretty much everything in alien creation. The biggest question to ask yourself with every feature is “Why?”, social, biological, psychological, and everything else.

Don’t be afraid to make your aliens utterly alien in shape. You could make an alien a sphere if you wanted to. Or a two dimensional circle. Honestly the more unearthly you make their biology, the more fun it can get. They’re aliens. I have an alien species that is made of fumes. Different materials work as long as you can convince your reader. Not everything needs to be flesh, or even plant matter!

Pronouns. Do your aliens even have pronouns? Does their language only account for name? Do they only speak in third person? What if their pronouns weren’t even based on self expression, but based on some kind of emotion? Like a language with an “i’m busy” pronoun, and a “I’m happy” pronoun? There’s so many things you can do with language. They can affect the dialects your aliens have when they speak in another language, too, like a common language.

Reproductive cycles. A lot of media marks alien reproduction as something within human perception, like egg laying, live birth, or even parasitic stuff- but they’re aliens. You can go so much further. You can have your aliens be born as microorganisms from the teardrops of their parents and grow as they’re stewed together in a vat. Throw in food and mix until you have baby. You can make them have entirely different forms depending on their life stage. They’re aliens.

What technology they don’t create. There’s a lot to say in what a species does create, but there’s also a lot in what they don’t create. Think of it like this: if a species doesn’t have computers, maybe they just don’t have the tech. But they could also have photographic memory and lightning quick thoughts, or maybe they’re connected by a hivemind. Maybe they don’t need computers. Anything a species doesn’t have speaks easy exposition. A lot of media will use this in a way that’s like… they use what the aliens don’t have to highlight what they aren’t, but to me it’s super fun to use what aliens don’t have to highlight what they are.

Evolution is incredibly important to species building in my mind. It makes it easier to figure out anatomical traits and behaviors, all the while fleshing out the world. Then, when you have traits and behaviors, you get a better idea of what that species’ society looks like. How would hibernation effect a government? Does family structure matter? There’s a lot more I could put to this, but I struggle to word it. How a species acts defines their customs.