Fillers

Just because yesterday is your tomorrow

Does not mean i need to keep you company 

In the dismal illusion that is your reality

Can’t you understand?

I want out

Your greed is not my token

Your anger is but a spout

In my ocean

You scream, a shrill, ear-piercing screech

Telling me to leave

Then once i am out of reach

Out of your condescending, over-bearing grasp

You act as if you grieve

For what 

I do not wish

To pretend 

Your dissatisfied hiss

I comprehend

I want an earthquake

I call out

I want the sky to break

I want to rip myself out of the flesh suit

That is not my own

There is nothing

That is mine

In the universe

Because i am

The universe.

She gifts me 

Such a beautiful bouquet 

Of dying flowers

It almost changes

My mind.

My light

How can i explain

Your grating voice

Carding through my hair

Your cafuné 

Almost puts me to sleep

again

But i know better now

I chew up your flowers

Spit them

Straight into the eyes of the sky

Twist your voice

Pressure it

Until it paints me in the vibrancy of the stars.

Let the blood cry

No one will console it

I find the vestige of water marks

In your red carpet

Evidence of your attempts

to submerge yourself 

even deeper.

I walk for seconds and years

You have never once refused to sing

an aubade with me

I find you in the seventh cloud

I fly through.

It disperses rapidly

Not desiring to be the bearer of scarlet rain

There is no dawn anymore

There is no space

No vacancy

Perhaps this is what you wanted

For me to disappear

To become a whisper

A smudge

A forgotten name

On the tongue of someone

Who never learned how to listen

But i am still here.

I am the gap

Beneath the door

The trembling glass

The thing you so gravely desire

But cannot quite reach

You think it is destruction

I think it is becoming

I shed

Every borrowed skin

Every expectation

Every diminutive piece of myself

You tucked into my pockets

And called mine

I leave them

on the floor

like dead moths

I do not carry

your weather

anymore.

Let the ocean engulf it

Let the stars swallow it

Let the earth grind it

Into something

useful.

this is the place

where i end

and everything else begins.