Category: Junior Literary

I don’t really have a specific topic to talk about in this blog, it’s kind of just me emptying my brain in a somewhat coherent way.

Recently, I’ve been having really traumatic nightmares, not your typical “oogie boogie”, rather, things that are so mentally scarring they feel like a real burden I carry.  It is mainly a mix of traumatic events I have faced to create new traumatic events; which is absolutely not what I need. I have too much trauma as it is.  My brain hates me, it makes everything so much harder, why must it torment me in this way.

I’ve also gained a good bit of weight, which I am still very upset about.  I used to be overweight and that is the last thing I want to be again.  To make it worse, my psychiatrist says my face looks like I’ve gained, which was absolutely the last thing I wanted to hear.  I’m super self conscious about how much I weigh, but sometimes I can’t avoid eating junky food.  Like for basketball games we get fast food after away-games, and it’s pretty much that or being super hungry.  I really just want to have a flat stomach, I work out everyday but nothing ever seems to help.  Diets are pretty much guaranteed to fail, they are designed to take a few pounds off and then it comes right back, maybe even more.  I’m actually pretty happy with my body other than my persistent beer belly, even though I don’t drink beer.  I do crunches and sit-ups and all of that and nothing ever seems to help. I barely eat anything but my weight just goes up and up.  I don’t really drink soda or anything either, I carry around a water bottle and that’s pretty much all except maybe an Envy or two.  I know being a low weight number isn’t really that plausible with my height, but I just want to be able to wear my practice shirt without my stomach sticking out several inches from the rest of my body. It is so humiliating.  

Also, I have been feeling a lot more depressed lately. It might have to do something with the previous statements, but I also have started a new medicine that can cause worsening in depression symptoms. 

I just really want to be hugged tightly by someone and just let out a good cry.

anyone who knows me can tell you that my FAVORITE makeup usually comes from a brand called AOA Studio, which is sold exclusively on shopmissa.com. they have a variety of products, ranging from skincare to makeup to accessories. i’ve been a loyal customer for about 2 years, and i’ve ordered from them a total of 9 times. 

i’m not entirely sure why it’s considered shameful to admit you buy cheap things, but here i am: proudly sashaying into a blog post full of product i’ve used and fell in love with.

Eye Makeup:

Wonder Brow Pomade – Taupe

this brow pomade is perfect – i bought this for the first time in march of 2019, and it lasted me for… much longer than i’d like to admit i kept it. it’s soft, true to color, and does an amazing job at keeping your brows’ shape.

Skinny Mascara – Black

for the longest time, i used the telescopic mascara (honestly have forgotten the brand by now), and this is the perfect dupe for it. it’s perfect for your lower lashes, and comes in a primer for your top lashes as well. 

Fat Lash Mascara

while this mascara isn’t necessarily anything to write home about, it gets the job done, and it does it well. the only thing “better” about this mascara than any other that i’ve tried is that it’s fairly waterproof, and it does not smudge under my eyes at all.

Wonder Liquid Eyeliner

i’ve ordered this eyeliner on four separate occasions; it’s been my ride or die since the first time i purchased it. the brush is thin and malleable, it’s so easy to apply, and it dries down to a matte finish. it’s fairly long-wearing, and is rarely tarnished by shimmer shadows.

Face Makeup:

Hush Cream Blush – Cupid

i’ve strayed away from cream blushes for a while, but whenever i come back, i always gravitate to this one. she is the perfect shade of dusty, muted pink, and blends out super well with a small, dense brush. it works very well under foundation or on top, either way.

Wonder Cover Color Corrector – Lavender

though this formula is thiccccccccc, it really does work wonders. i have quite a bit of dullness around my lips, and when i mix this with a tiny bit of moisturizer, it brightens and smooths everything back down to make a great base for my foundation.

Perfect Brightening Setting Powder

if i had to describe the color of this powder, i would call it a translucent powder with a peachy undertone. it doesn’t leave a white cast in pictures, but it blurs and sets my undereye concealer with no problems. i wouldn’t recommend using it for the whole face because it doesn’t come with a lot of product, but i will say it sheers out nicely when used alongside another powder.

Lips:

Lip POP Gloss – City Girl

i’ve been on the lookout for a good lip gloss, and i think this was the end of my search. this formula comes in a squeeze bottle with a doe foot applicator. it’s highly pigmented, not too sticky, and more satiny than glossy, but i definitely don’t mind. though the pigment is there, i don’t find myself needing to use a lip liner because it stays in place so well – even with a mask over it.

Studio Skin Rescue Balm

i just recently ordered this, it came in last weekend, and i’ve already fallen in love. it’s not specifically a lip balm – it’s sort of a thicker version of scented aquaphor, and it works wonders. it keeps my lips hydrated throughout the night, and has restored my cuticles on more than one occasion. i love it, and i’ll definitely be ordering it again.

So Smooth Lipstick – Maui

i’ve had this lipstick for… admittedly much longer than i’d like to say. i very distinctly remember wearing this on my audition day, so i have fond memories. the formula itself is very smooth and long-wearing – it also performs well under a gloss.

Fruity Pop Gloss – Mango

i’ve ordered this lip gloss twice, once in mango and once in strawberry. it is SO hydrating and smooth, and it’s so sticky. i also wore this on audition day (on top of my lipstick); it stayed the whole day. 

Tools:

Super Soft Wonder Blender

i could rave about this sponge for DAYS; i think i’ve ordered this in bulk at least four times, it’s that good. it stays true to its “super soft” claim, and sheers out base makeup in the most flawless way. i’ve tried it against the original beauty blender brand, and if they were the same price, i would still choose this one.

All About Eyes Brush Set – Pink

along with the bamboo set, i have been swearing by these brushes since the moment i got them. they come with a nice quality carrying case that snaps into place, and they’re the perfect size to travel with – even going to school and back with me frequently. 

A+ Charity Bamboo Brush Set

i’ve had this makeup brush set for about a year and a half now, and they’re still going strong. they’re fluffy, produce minimal fallout, and are pretty good quality – especially for the price. i swear by the F30 brush for foundation and blush application, and the E141 brush for loose highlighter.

Mochi Wonder Blender

i bought this in the blender vault set, and i quickly fell in love. it’s so much softer than the regular AOA wonder blender, but much easier to control than the paw paw edition. i like to use this to buff out powder products on top of my foundation.

Microfiber Wonder Blender

this sponge works wonders for foundation – it doesn’t absorb much product at all, and it works beautifully to blend cream blush and highlighter with foundation.

Acrylic Mixing Palette and Spatula

i did not think i would get as much use out of this product as i do. it serves as a perfect base for my foundation and concealer, so i can pick everything up with a brush or sponge. it keeps products from soaking into the skin on my hand, and it’s easy to clean. i don’t usually use the spatula on the palette itself, because it scratches, but the spatula is perfect to scoop out my makeup remover balm.

as told by my recent blogs, these past few months have been a blur. obviously i’ve tried to focus on the positive, but by no means does that entail the evaporation of my ever-present Depression Demon. yes, he sneaks up on me at very inconvenient times: most recently, wednesday night. it was 10:28pm when mrs. holmes told me this was the last time i would ever get a cleaning night extension.

up until tonight, i had not washed my bed sheets or pillowcases for… an uncomfortable and undisclosed amount of time, mostly because you (yes, you reading this) would probably be disgusted and disappointed by the duration in which i slept on crumby sheets.

tonight, however, as my boyfriend snored (loudly) in the background of a facetime call, i washed and dried my sheets and pillowcases, put them on my bed, put up my clean laundry, gathered my dirty laundry into the hamper, organized my bookbag, cleaned my roommate’s desk, wrote two letters, washed all of my dishes, cleared off my own desk, digitally designed my planner spreads for the next three weeks, and set out an outfit for tomorrow morning. all of that, in addition to beginning this blog post.

as anyone knows, i could ramble on for days and days without a point, but today i will not. i will simply be informing the general population about what productivity feels like after being mentally and physically unable to do so for far too long. spoiler alert: the most overwhelming feeling is not relief, it’s disappointment.

because how could i have spent all this time, living in clutter, when it was just so easy for me to do it tonight? how is it that two days ago, i was turning my pillow over to the side that wasn’t drenched in tears, but tonight, i haven’t shed even one? how could i not have the energy to leave my (gross) dorm room for weeks in a row, except to go to required classes, but so easily do a month’s worth of work in less than 5 hours? it feels like an injustice and an inadequacy as a student, daughter, friend, and girlfriend.

of course, there’s the good feeling – that all of this is done, and it will feel great to wake up in a clean bed tomorrow morning, but eventually, the good will dwindle back down into another spiral. and so, the cycle repeats. barely getting by, then thriving. then back to barely getting by.

     On Jan. 6, 2021, supporters of president Donald Trump–fans, militia groups, alleged blue lives matter activists–stormed the Capitol building in a dying attempt to stop Congress, who were in session at the time of this riot, from formally confirming that President-elect Joe Biden’s win. Wielding copious amounts of merchandise of their favorite politician and weapons considered illegal to openly carry in Washington D.C, these marchers pushed back the weak line of defenses separating them from the capitol building. The members of Congress were ushered to secure locations underground, while hundreds of domestic terrorists flooded the building, some going as far to threaten to kill or take hostage those politicians who were not likely to comply with their demand. With eerily bold, beaming smiles, the felons began to deface the building, posing at desks, toting around podiums, and firing shots.

     At least five people were killed during this riot, including police officer Brian D. Sicknick who was physically engaged with the rioters. Seeming to disregard the dozens of blue lives matter being raised proudly before the storming commenced, they delivered such severe injuries to Sicknick that he later died after being rushed to a hospital. Ashli Babbitt, 37, was fatally shot by police; Despite the facts that she knowingly committed treason and felony, which would make her considered her a domestic terrorist, did not listen to authorities when they told her to cease her attempts to breach the last line of defense between the Congress members and people who threatened their lives, and attended a white supremacist rally a few months ago, Babbitt has been deemed a martyr by several far-right social media voices…for the simple reason that she served in the Air Force. Three other marchers died from “medical emergencies” that took place during the storming, one source citing an incident where an older man self-induced a heart-attack by accidentally tasering himself.

     Trump reacted slowly to the incident and initially resisted sending  the National Guard to quell the mob. After several hours, he responded to the attempted coup on social media, where he reiterated false claims of election fraud and infantilized the domestic terrorists by saying phrases like, “Go home. We love you. You’re very special…I know how you feel.” In comparison, on May 29, 2020, when BLM began to protest the death of George Floyd, Trump made the statement, “When the looting starts, the shooting starts.” Though some sympathizers have compared breaking into a government building to the scattered incidents of property destruction during Black Lives Matter protests, what needs to be understood is that a community fighting for their right to exist peacefully is not comparable to an attack on the federal legislature.  Twitter user Bobby Lewis (@/revrrlewis) wrote, “don’t know who needs to hear this but there are several orders of magnitude between ‘smashing a Starbucks window in general mayhem’ and ‘breaking into the U.S. capitol while congress is in session because you believe the ongoing election is fraudulent'” In spite of some denial circulating in conservative online spaces, it is safe to say that if the rioters had been BIPOC, a very different response would have been given from public officials, political commentators, and authorities.

     World leaders have condemned the horrifying riot, with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau calling it “an assault on democracy” and directly blaming Trump for the violent mob. American politicians have also faulted the president; in addition to nearly 200 other lawmakers, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Speaker Chuck Schumer called for be removed from office, whether it be by impeachment or the invokement of the 25th Amendment.  Various social media platforms responded to Trump’s poor, untruthful responses to the aftermath by locking his Facebook account and removing posts about the incident and suspending his twitter account entirely. At the time of writing this, sources state that at least 82 people have been arrested for their participation in the riot, a very measly number when compared to the 1400 people arrested for peacefully protesting racial injustice.  The FBI has opened a tip line in an effort to identify the many domestic terrorists who breached the Capitol, most of which have been photographed during the act. Here, https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us/field-offices/washingtondc/news/press-releases/fbi-seeking-information-related-to-violent-activity-at-the-us-capitol-building they offer several methods by which people can identify indivduals involved. 

     The vast majority of Americans are shocked and disgusted by this incident; a panel of voters were interviewed by BBC News, and Simon Peters, 30-year-old democratic voter living in Minnesota, reflects the views of many in his statement: “I’m disgusted but not surprised. I anticipated this would happen and it was a matter of when, not if…This is the president whose people – since the racial justice movement in the summer – said they were for ‘law and order’. So the ‘law and order’ people broke into the Capitol and changed the American flag with the Trump flag. History shows that has not happened in over 200 years, so it tells you how dangerous this man is.”

Hey guys! So I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while but couldn’t form a coherent story (as you can tell from the ending). But I really applied myself and churned this bad boy out. I hope you enjoy it!

The thick smoke like fog is a deep chartreuse. It seeps into every nook and cranny. Nothing grows out of the earth’s rotted soil. There are no pine-scented evergreens, no lilacs blooming in sunny meadows, nor any soft dahlias placed in font of loved ones’ tombstones. In the poorest parts of the country, houses are old, dilapidated, and the wood is diseased. Cancerous mold grows feverishly, covering the interiors. There are no family portraits, no plumbing, nor happiness. The families that have managed to keep the squatters and pillagers out live in squalor. The people inhabiting these slums have turned to cannibalism due to the lack of food resources and funds. The homeless have taken to robbing the dead of their resting places for places to sleep.  The lowest class of humanity has devolved into their most primitive mentality. However, not everyone is like that. The upper and middle classes are snobbish, treacherous, and selfish.

Elle overlooks the rooftops of London. She is perched on the windowsill at the top of the old clocktower she calls home. A voice she knows too well breaks the peaceful quiet. “Elle. What do you think you’re doing? You need to rest. You fell a few stories through the roof of the Baron’s Manor.” She rolls her eyes and continues to look at the jeweler’s across the cobblestone street. The general’s Watch dogs have been prowling the districts looking for them. She feels his rough calloused hands on her waist. “Garrett, come on. They are looking for us. We can’t just wait for them to find us. We need to get back to work. And it wouldn’t be so bad to find out what happened while we were gone.” Garrett sighs in exasperation, “Elle, you are the most stubborn person I know. I didn’t say that we wouldn’t do the job. I just think you should rest for a day or two before we do start again. Your side still has a nasty gash.” She rolls her eyes again, “Garrett, it’s fine. That’s just from being cauterized. Besides, Barbus needs us.” She climbs back in the tower and looks for her equipment. She can’t find them anywhere. “Garrett, where are they?” He smirks and shrugs. After an hour of searching and coming up empty, she shrugs and shuffles to their shared bed, slumping into Garrett’s side. Her side burns and her legs are screaming under her weight. “All right Garrett.  We’ll stay in today.” 

Abstract Anxiety by Madison White

There were um, lights - different circles of red, white, purple, orange - 
filling non distinctive shapes. 

Then it shows you brushing through 
blurry grass;
your under someone’s feet
as feelings swell;
your rushing through clovers as the music 
builds 
your anticipation to nothing. 

There were plenty of light taps against 
metal,
mixed with the clattering of multiple cutoff 
sounds.
Multiple deep thumps like splashes underwater
Whooshes
thundering in your ears, almost like a train.
Sounds 
of grain being piled. The loud buildup clearly ended 
into a calm noise of a rice filled shaker.

This poem was written after watching Otavia – Abstract video art, which was posted on youtube by Anat Gutberg on April 2, 2016. You could go and watch it if you want to. (Other junior literary students have already seen it, but the link is above if you want to watch it again.) 

I wrote that poem as an attempt to replicate the sounds and images from the video. Abstract Anxiety is a free verse poem – I basically wrote my train of thought after watching  Otavia. 

A Small Child by Madison White 

Laying in your 
lap

A small 
child 

Wrapped in a 
blanket 

Their hand tight on your 
thumb

This poem, A Small Child, was also an imitation. The goal was to copy the format, or the stanzas, of The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams.

The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams.

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

So I’m gonna end this post by saying this: using mentor texts is a really good way to experiment with your own writing style. Imitating a certain characteristic that you like of another author’s work is an easy way to expand your abilities and try something new. And you don’t have to imitate the same thing every time; you could imitate the topic, the tone, the message, the format, the word count, the line count – you can pick whatever you want to imitate!

Everybody has different strengths, and imitating others’ work is a great way to grow – and that applies to most everything! But don’t forget that even if imitating is a very helpful process, you still need to get creative and come up with your own! 

Trigger Warning: References to Mental Health Diagnoses and Drug Usage

At the start of Tik-Tok’s popularity I refused to download it. I thought I was “too mature” and “too cool” for it. My little sister was obsessed with it. She is on what we call the “straight side of Tik-Tok” where girlies dance and people try to be funny, but fail. She would always shove them in my face and I would just stare at the phone while she would laugh her butt off. In my head I would always think “How can anyone find this funny, it’s not even funny,” and roll my eyes. I would catch her dancing around the house with her phone propped up and tik-tok on the screen in front of her. I’ve watched her prop her phone on the back of the toilet, in Walmart on the shelves, in the kitchen while my mom was making dinner. I became so annoyed. It made me so mad to watch her dance, and my hatred for tik-tok grew in my heart every time I was forced to watch a video or forced to watch her dance. “I’ll never be like this” I would tell myself as I rolled my eyes. Well, I ended up just like her. (Without the dancing)  At the beginning of quarantine my older sister downloaded it. We were laying in her bed and she showed me a video of a girl giving a tour of a beautiful Benz. I thought it was amazing and I expressed that. She said “you should get it, it’s not all dancing, you can make your feed however you want.” Thirty minutes later I was falling down the loop tik-tok takes you in. She was right, you can make your feed however you want, and I think that’s really cool. You can customize it just to fit you, and I like to think I have the best tik-tok feed. My side of tik-tok consists of you know what never mind, she really all over the place, BUT just know she’s the best. My side of tik-tok began to become a problem though. I noticed that a lot of teenagers were romanticizing a lot of unhealthy things. Drugs and having mental disorders. As someone who struggles, and seeing these things glorified is really hard. It made me feel like it was okay to sit around and not do anything about the things I struggle with, and that it not true. It also worried me that younger kids who don’t suffer from mental disorders would think it was “cool” and start to act like they have them, and manifest that in their brain’s, and eventually form a real disorder.  I also see a lot of kids in groups doing drugs, and making it seem like the best time of their lives.  It doesn’t show the empty feeling that they feel when their friends left, and the high rubs off. I just think it’s giving younger kids a POV that isn’t healthy. I know darn well if 11-year-old Emma saw a group of kids snorting cocaine off a skate park railing, I would GO DO IT. I was YOUNG, and wanted a fun life. I sure as heck wasn’t educated on the effects of drugs. Then BOOM my entire life is ruined. I don’t even think I’m being dramatic with this. I’ve seen it happen in my friends. They see people having fun doing drugs, and automatically want to do it. It’s not like their having fun doing whatever they were before because they aren’t. Tik-tok can also be healthy though. There’s actually a new trend going around saying “I’m feeling depressed – time to cope in a healthy way”. I really like this trend. It motivates me to cope in healthy ways, and I’m really glad this a trend because I strongly think it motivates others to cope in healthy ways, instead of doing the bad things Tik-tok can sometimes portray. There’s also lots of useful information on the app. Song suggestions, make-up and hair tutorials for all types, book suggestions, and lots of information on spirituality, gardening, cooking. Some days I see more positive things on my feed, and others the negative outweighs the positive. I guess this could be true for all social medias, but Tik-tok seems to be the most popular amongst the people around me. It’s really important to protect your energy from social media, and remove things off your algorithm that doesn’t serve you in positive ways. 

But in a positive light here’s some songs I really enjoy that I found off tik-tok: 

My current favorites are, Baby powder by Jenevieve, The leanover by life without buildings, Janitor by  Suburban Lawns, Chandelier by Will Paquin, sea dragon by  Covet, and lastly BUT NOT LEAST The Spins by Mac Miller 

My all-time favorites are, Pope Is a Rockstar by SALES, Still life by Sitcom, Fly Kicks by AC Slater & Chris Lorenzo (Wax Motif Remix), Bennington (2007) by John Maus, Decomposing Trees by Galaxie 500, and if you want to cry Where’s my Love by SYML. 

These songs are truly an experience, and if you have any taste in music you’ll like them all 🙂 

No for real, listen to them. 🙂 

Remember to take care of yourself, drink some water, and protect your energy on social media.