Author: Matthew McLain

Hello! Quick writers note before we begin! This is a fun little project I am going to be working on for the rest of the school year, and it is going to be an experiment in a type of writing I am not particularly confident in. Therefore, I’m using blogs to give myself some practice before I do anything major with it. Hope you enjoy :)! Also, yes, this first one is inspired by The SCP Foundation.

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The Always, sometimes referred to as The Never, is an anomalous period of time that can be induced unto another, often resulting in high levels of paranoia and an increase in cases of Deja vu. While under it’s affects, the victim will experience a “pause” of sorts in time. Often, they will not realize that the pause is even in place. They will go about their life as usual, even living entirely fleshed out lives. However, upon any form of death, they will immediately be reverted back to the moment that they were put under the effect. The victim will, once they revert, exhibit a strong amount of paranoia and enter into a depressive state, often taking drastic measures. However, if the victim survives for ten minutes, they will seem to completely forget any of the events that transpired.

The Deja vu kicks in as a result of whatever they experienced while under the influence to have high similarities to events that actually occur in reality. However, it is not a constant occurrence, as this Deja vu only happens around once or twice every day. This is extremely low compared to later stages.

After around two months to three years have passed, the Deja vu experienced will increase in frequency and severity, oftentimes leading the victim to believe that they themselves are already dead. Though in this stage they are still capable of being stabilized, oftentimes by speaking to someone they are close to, or being neutralized with some form of anesthesia. 

The final stage begins around the time that it is speculated that their death had actually happened. The victim becomes non-responsive to any outer stimuli. This is joined with frequent paranoic episodes, increasing with severity as time goes on. The length in time that this lasts is from around 3-5 months, the longest being recorded to have reached 18 months total, though the victim in this situation was met with several other anomalous circumstances. 

Finally, the victim will once again return to how they were normally. However, witnessing the victim return to consciousness immediately induces this state onto any people in proximity. After this return to normalcy, the victim will have around 5 minutes to live before dying of what appears to be total bodily failure. 

There have been 3 total ways of inducing The Always identified so far. One, as previously mentioned, is to witness the return of another victim. Another is induced by an overwhelmingly strong sense of Deja vu that happens suddenly. Finally, it can also be induced when reading the anomalous collection known as “The Solomon Archives”, which is an entirely separate report.

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Well! That’s the end of that! Once again, I hope you enjoyed reading this! The next one, as you may have guessed, is going to cover the aforementioned Solomon Archives. This, however, will be presented closer to a first person POV report of someone’s own encounter with it, instead of the SCP wiki-style report shown above. Since I prefer psychological horror, I won’t have any crazy malevolent entities that hunt people down. Instead, I prefer the realistic horror of being affected by a life you never really lived :). Have a great day!

This is going to be a relatively short blog, but I wanted to talk about something I had discovered recently. It’s a musical interpretation of the brain decaying due to dementia. Created by The Caretaker it is titled “Everywhere At The End Of Time”. If you want to listen to it yourself, I’ve linked it here:

https://youtu.be/wJWksPWDKOc

It is a very interesting experience. Though it is over six hours in length, if you find yourself with the time to listen to it I seriously recommend it. It may not be a perfect representation of each individual experience, but I believe, from what I’ve read on it, that it is a very accurate generalization of the experience. It is a very saddening thing that dementia exists in the first place, but I believe that being able to, to even such a small extent, experience and relate to those who suffer from it is a beneficial thing.

The idea of forgetting everything is terrifying. The idea of living a long life just to enter a state where it may as well have never happened to you, is even more excruciating. My heart goes out to those who suffer from, and know those who are suffering from, dementia. Even if the individual themselves forgets the life they lived, may it live on yet longer in the memories of others. 

I’ll see you again in due time. This was just me sharing something, though I believe I am going to do more research on dementia and, as a possible result, more blogs on the subject. Thank you for reading, and may you always remember the life you’ve led.

This isn’t something I would often write about, or even reference in my writing, but it is something that has caused many a struggle throughout my life. So, when I was around the age of seven I was medically diagnosed with ADHD. You know, the thing that you blamed for the behavior of that one annoying kid in middle school. Except, mine wasn’t like that. I didn’t have the hyper-active tendencies that are commonly associated with this illness. Instead, I got stuck with the “inattentive type” ADHD (though I have symptoms of hyper-active and inattentive type). Having ADHD has brought many challenges academically, but those are all a bit easier to overcome than the personal struggles that few people really ever talk about.

My ADHD causes me to struggle with personal hygiene, and I have a hard time cleaning up my own messes until it becomes an inconvenience. Naturally, this is in no way ideal for the dorm life I experience and overcoming this issue has been a constant struggle on my end. 

Now, it’s not as if it’s impossible for me. I understand why not everyone is capable of understanding my struggles and I have no intention of relying on any pity to get out of improving myself in the ways I need to. Overcoming these challenges is just another part of having ADHD. I love a good challenge, so something like this won’t stop me. 

That’s it. That’s the blog for this week. Have a great day, and I hope everyone enjoys prom! I know I will 🙂

Hello! None of these are really ranked I’m just listing three songs that I enjoy as “no think” music. Anyway, here we go! (Also this music really isn’t for everyone especially at first).

1. White Silence – TK from Ling Tosite Sigure

White Silence is a song that was originally featured in TK’s solo debut album “Flowering”. It’s a softer song than some of the others that will appear later on the list. It puts a specific image in my head. While listening to this song I see a frozen lake, the ground covered in snow as far as the eye can see, surrounded by pine trees. The song feels lonely and full of regret, yet serene. It’s one of my favorite songs to listen to while riding in a car late at night.

2. Tsuru No Shikaeshi (鶴の仕返し – Crane’s Revenge/Loop) – TK from Ling Tosite Sigure

Yeah, I know. Another one from TK. That’s what most of this is going to be, honestly. This song is a lot more hectic than White Silence. It’s a very “red” song. Not an angry song, just red. Once again, no idea how to convey it well. The song was first released in the album “Sainou” which translates, albiet roughly, to “Talent”.

3. copy light – From THE FIRST TAKE – TK from Ling Tosite Sigure

If I said this list wasn’t going to mostly be songs from this man I would be lying. This song is a variant form of “copy light” from the album “Sainou”. It’s one of my personal favorites, so I have a good idea about the meaning of this song. It’s a song about how the portrayal of love in media is often idealistic, and can mislead young people into thinking things will always turn out that way. It portrays the idea that people should decide what love is for themselves, and not base everything in their love lives on what pop culture portrays love to be.

There’s definitely more but these are my main three. 

I believe I have come across an unbelievably important discovery. If only I could figure out what that is. For months now, I’ve felt like I was on the brink of a massive discovery of some kind. I think I’ve finally figured out what it is. Well, except I still have no idea what it’s called.

Make no sense? Good! If it made sense then it wouldn’t be a massive discovery (unless it’s physics but that’s nothing new unless it’s quantum physics because everything about that is new). Honestly, it’s been a bit since I’ve written an absolute mess of a blog. So, naturally, here’s a huge mess of a blog.

I’ve recently watched Demon Slayer. It was pretty good. I’ve also been playing Minecraft again, which is fantastic. I want to skip school and go home early this week, specifically on Wednesday afternoon, because a game that I’ve been waiting three or four years for is finally releasing on Thursday. It’s called ‘Elden Ring’, and was produced by the same company that made Dark Souls, Bloodborne, and Sekiro (among other fantastic games). It’s their first truly open world game and I’m extremely excited for it. Sadly, not going to be able to do that, since I have to ‘strive for academic success’. I literally write. This does not actually require school. 

I feel as though I’ve been restricted to a genre. I have to write insanity. I have to write mental illness. The only things I feel are ever worth presenting are the things I write about those topics. I never share anything I really write for me. It’s so different from everything else, and I’m not sure how it would be received. Yes, I enjoy writing about mental illness, but it’s such a consuming thing to write about. Once you become “known” for it, you can’t write anything else. I want to show off what I’m actually proud of, but I feel as if it won’t be enjoyed. It’s ridiculous. The product of work I’ve done for myself cannot be presented because I believe I might be the only one who likes it. That’s the point! I write those for me! They’re mine! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks so long as I enjoy them!

But, even then. I guess, to some extent, it comes down to a fear of being known. Nobody knows who I really am. It is all a culmination of a million lies that I’ve told so that people like me. I can’t even use my real voice because nobody would be able to hear it. I’m not allowed to be me because “I” am invisible. So, I’m doing something weird now. I’m writing something with the intention that it is bad. I’m writing trash. It’s meant to be trash. It’s just a bunch of dumb jokes that I thought would be funny that I’ve loosely tied to a barely comprehensible plot. I know it’s bad, but it’s me. It’s all over the place, quick paced, and seems to lead nowhere in particular. 

I’ve tried so hard to entertain others that I had forgotten to take the time to actually be myself. I had become so consumed by other people that I had become someone I wasn’t, and done things I have been less than proud of.

I want to share an image with you, if you’re still even reading. Do you know what a red spider lily is? They’re my favorite flower. Now, make them a light sky blue. It’s snowing, and there’s a white fog. It’s not really freezing, it just feels cool. This place is my escape. It’s not much, but it’s mine. It’s inspired by a few of my favorite songs. Though I won’t share those yet.

So. We’ve made it this far. We’re almost to the end of the school year. Summer is really just right around the corner, even if it doesn’t seem or feel like it. I’ll be graduating next year, regardless of what school I end up graduating from. 

I’ve been compared to air, wind, and even fire several times throughout my life. I’ve always understood why they thought that. They can only see the air I’ve taken from others, the wind that I stole. I even took fire. What am I really, then? If I am not these, then what am I?

I am ice. I am cold. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s me. I don’t rely on people. I don’t require social interaction. I could easily live with next to no actual direct human interaction and I would be perfectly fine. 

But that which I’ve taken cannot be like that. The wind and air must move, and the fire must burn. So, I think I’d like to return that which I’ve taken. I’d like to keep myself to the ice. 

Not many people are born as a natural wallflower. People seem to trust me with a lot of things quickly. I never forget the moment someone comes to me for help. Every time, every problem. Every fear, hope, and sorrow. Even every joy. But, I’m immature. I forget that my actions have consequences, I act without thinking. I hurt people.

I’m not good with people. I never know what to do. I never follow my own sense. I can’t care about someone without hurting them. No matter how much I want to, I always end up hurting them. 

If I had a time machine, I know exactly what I would do differently, and what I would keep the same. But, that’s not possible. All I can do is make sure I learn from my mistakes. Apologizing is pointless if I don’t. 

So, now I’m here. I’ve come to a ‘beginning’.

Over the course of the year, I have changed massively as a creator. I’ve gone from a desire to represent the concept of insanity in everything I ever write, to a identity-craving maniac who never knows who they are, and now someone who wants to simply create something for the sake of it being. It’s  been a long journey. My personal favorite piece of mine from my first “era” is The Room With The Clock. As for my second, which was riddled with poetry, I do not believe that there is anything that I could genuinely consider my best. As a writer, it was my lowest overall point, a time where greatly lacked inspiration in a meaningful form. Now, I’m excited to announce that for my current status, I have begun a project that I have dubbed “Comet”. 

I won’t be revealing any of the details about it, beyond what inspired it. It takes inspiration from Undertale, Deltarune, and Omori. These are games that I believe hold some of the best storytelling as of yet. Likewise, I will withhold from giving any details about these games either. If you’re interested in them you should play them yourself or find a good playthrough of them. 

Honestly, I believe that I am going into a phase where I can truly be proud of what I create. Though it will come with struggles, such as figuring out how to apply an updated writing style to different fields of writing, I greatly look forward to the future.

That’s all for now! I hope you all look forward to my eventual completion of the first part of Comet, which I’ve dubbed “The Home Arc”. Thanks for reading!

Something that I have noticed both online and in real life through many years is an inability to allow people to change. I am uncertain where exactly it stems from, but I believe this phenomena to be influenced by the animosity of the internet. Though that can only be accurately applied to the harshness of online interactions.

Offline, many people will hold onto problems or issues that have otherwise been resolved in an attempt to hold onto some amount of social power it has given them. Though it will often lead to a moral deterioration of the “Stagnant” that will often cause others to, once they have been given an opportunity to interact outside of their current ecosystem, realize the toxicity of this person and move forward.

It is not necessarily a negative thing, and has much to do with adolescent growth. Drama and gossip is extremely common, especially in High School, though it will often stop once a certain level of maturity has been met. However, it is not impossible for someone to become so reliant on drama for their social power that they become incapable of maturing correctly. This can be caused by other unseen mental issues, though overall it is due to a stubbornness that is often looked down upon later in life.

It is my belief that these people should not be looked at with contempt, but perhaps to some extent with pity, as there are many possible childhood related causes that would lead to this behavior. If, for example, a person had a parental figure who had this issue, it would increase the likelihood of they themselves developing this same issue. 

My personal suggestion to those who want to help these people, or are one of these people and want to help themselves, is to move on. Forgive, but don’t forget. Always allow for change and growth, but be equally as ready to condemn them for their actions. This will generally lead to a healthier social environment and will improve the moods of those within it.

I fully intend to put more research into this topic, and into psychology as a whole, and will be updating with a follow-up once I have learned what I deem an acceptable amount to continue speaking on this topic. I thank you for your time, and hope you do well.

Five Nights At Freddy’s is an extremely underground video game series with five games (one for each night) created by Mark Edward Fischbach, commonly known on twitch as Jacksepticeye. It has a very simple story that everyone has been able to piece together entirely.

The first game takes place in the year 2012. You play as the cook in a five star restaurant in New York called Freddy’s. You have to play through the game while attempting to romance certain characters. You’re given a wide variety of paths to choose from. You have Foxy Felicia, Chic Charlie, Brilliant Bonnibel, and Golden Gabby. The rest of the games follow this exact story, but in subsequent years.

The overarching plot, however, is extremely bland. You’re facing bad publicity due to an unrelated nobody pizza place called “Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza” that has had some issues with child murderers (along with terrible food and sanitary conditions). You, the protagonist, William Afton, have to separate your workplace from these bad rumors, and keep your place at the top of the Super Restaurant Chart. Upon failure, the world explodes, leaving nothing left but you and a weird decaying head of some golden bear thing.

Things change. That’s the way life is. Sometimes change can affect us in ways we don’t expect. To some extent, this is what happened to me. I became obsessed with change. Specifically with my writing. I had grown tired of the way my writing was, and tired of the topics I was covering. I wanted to find a “simplicity” that I could use. After all, writing like you’ve lost your mind can very easily cause one to lose their mind.

More importantly, I had grown to have a better perception of who I was. All of my writing had become a cry for stability and identity. Well, that’s what I had thought at the time. What it really was, was a cry out of desperation. I had trapped myself in a cycle of sorts where I couldn’t give way to anything that I felt was meaningful.

This caused a dissonance between me and my writing. Affecting me to the extent that I had temporarily stopped writing altogether. Of course, that didn’t last long. I’m a writer, that’s the one thing that I can say with certainty.

I haven’t lost that dissonance quite yet, but I believe that that is a good thing. It has become much less of a dissonance between me and my writing, but simply between me and myself. It is a dissonance that I can use within my writing to improve my skills.

But regardless, I believe that over the next few months, I will be writing in search of “Serenity”.