Author: Kerri Bland

Liquidation

The Dirt Cheap

has flooded

marked down prices

now

watered down

Liquidation

Liquidation is about the flood that came last Thursday. I overheard that the dirt cheap was hit by heavy rain, and I wanted to write this in honor of that store. Dirt cheap is all we live on. Piggly wiggly closed down, I cant imagine what life would be like without our Dirt Cheap. This poem came to me roughly around 3AM this morning. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Desparagus

I have no asparagus

e. coli season

leads me to

the asparagus of despair

desparagus

Desparagus is about… I’m not really sure. There was no inspiration for this piece. I’m not even sure why I wrote it. but, It exists and deserves to be known for what she is. desparagus. Gotta say, this one has the best title.

Beauty Marks

some pizzas are sad

but still good

my face

is the same way

pepperoni pizza face

This is about my face. I have beauty marks, but i often refer to them as pepperonis. I love pizza. I love life. Put those two things together and you get this cursed poem. Its meant to promote positivity, but I’m not sure if it would help anyone but myself. maybe it will. Let me know in the comments.

sonic

Please

allow me to obtain

two

junior cheese burgers

one

order of cheese fries

a small

strawberry slushy

This is my literal order at sonic. I love sonic. I could eat it every day and be content with life.

As you can see, poetry is very valid. It is spiritual. it is meaningful. poetry is representative of all this cool and important to life. My poetry, as you can tell, is super deep. not really, but, we can pretend like it is.

I’m about a hundred words away from meeting my word count, so I think I’ll come up with another poem really quick.

Words

count

in my assignments, I make my words count

until I meet

the word count

count

the words

400

to count.

This one is about the word count I have for this blog. In this poem, it shows my desperation to hit 400 words, as I am very close and just need a little bit more content to get there. At this point, I am really only a few words away from meeting my goal.

boom.

met it.

A few months back, I made a post about what I had planned to wear to prom. I just wanted to follow up on that post to say that I did, indeed, cosplay as princess Zelda to prom.

I did the Twilight Princess version of Zelda. I chose her because of the sentiment i associate with that game. It was my very first Zelda game, which I want to think i played around 6th grade. That game sent me into a Nintendo obsession. It also introduced me to cosplay, which, I would really love to revisit the first cosplay I ever made (Which was from that game!)

Of course, I still love all the other Zelda games. Skyward Sword and BOTW are pretty high up in my favorites. But Twilight Princess is just, so good. It’s so good. I would fight for all of the characters. So, of course, I would choose to do that version of her.

Overall, I got the reaction I was hoping for. As soon as I walked into the common area, I was greeted with a simple “Kerri Bland.” This is perfect, because that means this was not something out of the ordinary, but rather something almost expected and ironic. It was not a big deal. It was just Kerri Bland. sometimes that’s all you need to be.

As for dancing, I found out I’m quite horrible at that. I did a thing called interpretative slow-dancing. Rather than dancing with a person, I got a group together to move in slow motion, and recreate some of the moves from the happy hands club in Napoleon Dynamite.

Still though, you don’t have to be a good dancer to have fun. I danced quite horribly, and had a blast.

The food was actually really good too! I was pleasantly surprised at how much stuff was available. The decorations were also quite nice.  I, of course, helped a little with set-up. There was a lot of work that went in from many students, parents, and staff. It really showed too! It came together quite nicely.

Overall, I just wanna thank everyone for such an awesome experience with awesome people. I can’t wait for next year! Now I just have to decide what I want to wear! I’m up for suggestions, but i’m thinking something Nintendo again. Maybe another Zelda, maybe a different character. Let me know if you have any ideas for the near future.

hey! so, I’m just kind of making this so I can have everything together when I compete in this. So, this big convention I’m going to has a closet cosplay contest, which is where you pretty much cant make anything. It all has to be alterations and things you thrifted together- or already had. I wanted to challenge myself to do a big project using only closet cosplay rules. So, I chose Lady Palutena from Kid Icarus Uprising, and Super Smash Bros! Heres how I’ve done the stuff so far, and what i plan on doing for the unfinished parts!

dress

This dress was thrifted from City Thrift at $15. I did not ahve to take it in, it fit me perfectly. for the sash, I added a pre-owned sheer curtain, which i gathered and hand-sewed on to the front, and did a single dart on the back. I took the remaining thread and added a belt loop for the accessories.

belt

• a plastic scarf holder
• shower rings
• Christmas ornaments
• an old leaf headband.
• a necklace trinket
• belts provided by my dad, who told me to get whatever I wanted out of his closet.

necklace

• the chain came from what used to be a much larger necklace. I took off its former accessories.
• a wooden circle
• broken Popsicle sticks hot glued onto the wooden circle

shield

• a party plate
• already-owned foam hot glued onto the plate for the blue part
• red ribbon (pre-owned) hot glued to the back of the plate
• two shower rings attached to the ribbon
• duct tape straps to hold it onto my arm

wig

• The wig comes from my Halloween costume. the only alterations i made to it was taking the two braids out.

staff

• The staff is not complete, but i plan on making it out of a curtain rod and a plastic vase, with wire running through the top, and a Christmas ornament filled with leftover tulle and fairy lights

shoes

• some sandals i already have

to-do

• crown
• gauntlet things? arm armor?

my budget for this project: $50

I haven’t quite reached the end of my budget. I’m really excited for this cosplay to make its debut! I have to have it finished right before the end of the school year, since the con is like- literally a few days after we get out of school. yeah! I’ll be sure to post photos, there’s always a ton of cool cosplayers there.

Sometimes I have to sit back and think of how I haven’t completely disappointed myself. As a younger kid, I had many ideas about what my teenage life would be like. I accomplished like, none of those goals. Yet, also, at the same time I have accomplished them. Just, in a different way.

goal number one: go to parties

Now, I have never been to an average teenage party. Yes, i’ve been invited to them. I’m just too lazy and too tired to stay up that late. It’s not worth it. However, I have reached full party status by playing bingo with a few classmates. To enhance my partying ability, I, alongside my birthday twin, ate an entire cake. no plates. just us and our silverware going crazy at midnight. Hows that for a party?

goal two, have a fun day without any parental supervision

I don’t even live with my parents, so I guess I kind of have to do this. A few weeks back I was with a friend and I said “y’know, this was one of my goals. ride with a friend and sing songs at full blast.” Young me would be disappointed to know we were singing  a three hour playlist of TikTok songs. The Scooby Doo theme song. Hit or Miss. You name it, we sang it. We also ate flowers later that day. Yeah, that’s the teenage dream! well, I enjoy it- i guess it doesn’t have to be everyone’s dream.

goal three, be famous and popular

this has not happened. I’m not the kind of person that would win homecoming, prom queen, whatever it is. However, I’ve got great friends and we mutually support each other. that’s all anyone can really ask for. I’ve heard my writing style is enjoyable at coffee house- I really appreciate hearing that too. I also seem to be a go-to for alterations and wig restorations. That’s good with me, since, i really love doing that stuff!

I may not ever be famous, but heck yeah i’ll make the outfits for the people that are.

What about you guys? have you accomplished any of your childhood goals? If so, what are they? I’d love to hear all about them! Maybe I set my hopes a little too high. But hey, we all seem to be doing pretty good in life. We made it to this school after all.

a wise person once said “life is measured in how many wizard hats one can wear.”

I have finally achieved the true potential of life, which is otherwise known as wearing a wizard hat. Hats made specifically for wizards. only the chosen few can wear such an item. In this scenario, I am said chosen one.

But this blog isn’t just about my wizard hat. Its about the life experiences I have had since obtaining the wizard hat.

Finally playing something at full volume on my portable speaker 

I played some Beach Boys songs at full blast. Yes, I know, i’m such an old soul. Only listen to classics. Not really though, I just like the music and felt the proper way to play it was at full blast while alone in my room. It’ an expierence everyone should have at some point.

Eating a flower

I saw someone eat a flower, so naturally I ate one too. Apparently some flowers are safe to eat. Some are supposed to help with things. Like salads, and how they’re more healthy than cookies and soda. Except eating salad is more socially acceptable than eating flowers

Not getting my ACT score

Everyone else keeps getting their ACT scores. I’m still patiently waiting on mine. Hopefully it’s decent.

Nevermind I actually just got my score

It’s decent.

Waking up before my alarm

I woke up before my alarm, and was very happy to wake up to silence, instead of a blaring WHO’S PHONE IS RINGING? MINE! MINE! As I do most mornings

getting my card declined on a $6 pizza

I got my card declined on pizza. I struggled alot that day.

Getting outbidded on Ebay

;(

Revising a play

I had to take a lot out of it, but, hey, it has been completed.

I’m hungry.

I am always hungry. Food is amazing. Fast food is really nice too. Don’t eat your food too fast. It makes your stomach hurt. And don’t survive on a strict diet of Dr.  Pepper. I’ve learned my lesson with that. It makes your stomach hurt. Make better eating choices than I do.

As you can see, the wizard hat has given me many life experiences that I would not have had without a wizard hat. The wizard hat has a magical property that gives me cool stuff like flowers to eat. What a life I’m living.

Thank you for your time.

This is an art piece I am very proud of. It is very powerful and meaningful.

This Piece is simply titled “dinosaur tennis.” As you can tell, there is no capitilization, and that part is completely intentional. Dinosaur tennis is a metaphor for life, as we are all dead on the inside, and have indulged in the good fun of not only tennis, but many other sports. Dinosaur tennis is representative of those tired teenagers who long for the weekends, or the future days in the sun.

The color pallet is very limited. primary colors with the exception of the stegosaurus, who is the outlier in the crowd. The stegosaurus wants everyone to be unique and individual, just as they are to this piece.

The tennis ball represents the sport of tennis. However, it can also represent alot of other things. The void. The light. The hopes and dreams we all hold dear to our hearts. Everything in life can be rounded, and unending. the circular tennis ball is the same. Circles have no end.

The tennis net is more than a net. It is our feelings. our emotions. A net that means we are trapped. We are caught in whatever is holding us back. When can we break free? One may never know, but at least we can laugh and have good humor while we wait. Life is a waiting game. Dinosaur tennis is a waiting game.

While the sun is not intentionally representative of a religious figure, One can perceive it that way. If you wish to take it as a figure watching down upon you, seeing  your every action, i have no right to stop you. Art can be metaphorical, but all metaphors are different. I only wish for the sun to be the sun. A big wad of fire, just as the tennis ball is a circle. Circles are reoccurring in ones life. My life has a lot of circles. Donuts in the parking lot, donuts in the cafeteria. I love circles that are donuts.

What do you get from dinosaur tennis? do you see meaning and value? or do you see something much more simple than that? what is your dinosaur tennis? Have you seen a dinosaur before? Is tennis real? Is anything real? The earth is a sponge and I am its oyster.

Wow, I’ve been really busy lately. Its convention season, which means you guys get to hear all about my convention experiences and costumes I’m working on. Not much I can say at the moment, but i’m planning a whole bunch of Danganronpa cosplays. Maybe a big sewing project over spring break. Lots of props.

Recently I turned seventeen, which is pretty cool I guess. I’ve survived a whole bunch of days. In the grand scheme of things, it may not be that long. But it could be half my life. We won’t know until later in life. Interesting thought. Live your best life, just in case a bad day at seventeen ends up being your actual midlife crisis.

Last weekend, I worked at a local dad/daughter dance. They needed a princess, and I happened to cosplay Princess Ariel. It was really fun! I got to do a lot of improv to answer all the questions that were thrown at me. I got to dance around with my ‘new’ legs. As you guys know, I have two versions of Ariel, one of them being the mermaid tail, and the other being the dress she wears in the boat scene. The mermaid tail isn’t too fun to move around in.

I celebrated my birthday with some of my hometown friends by going free prom dress shopping. you heard it right, free prom dresses. We had went to the mall to hang out, and ended up getting dresses. It was some type of charity or foundation- ill look up the details sometime- that gave old prom dresses to girls in the seventh-twelfth grade. It was a really cool experience to go dress shopping with a few friends. We weren’t even planning on doing that! it was very in the moment.

I’m waiting on some pictures from a cool photo shoot I did recently to come in. I recreated a scene from the exorcist, and its pretty cool.

So, overall, lots of cool things going on!

As a person who writes their blogs during fifth block, I find myself thinking of one reoccuring topic. Food. Food is described as something one can physically touch, and use to get rid of hunger. Food is literal, rather than metaphorical.

I want fast food RIGHT NOW. As I am writing this, I am imagining the crisp shell of a chicken nugget, and the unhealthy amount of salt on a french fry. My hunger has never been more intense, except for like, every other day of the week.

10. I want some MCDONALDS

Mcdonalds is known for their awesome fries. I love fries. I want to eat them NOW. other than fries, their burgers are really good, especially without bread. I don’t like any sandwiches that have bread on them. The McChicken nuggets are another favorite of mine.

9. I dont mind having SONIC

I want fries NOW. I will take fries from Sonic. Sonic is a drive-in restaraunt that has nice ice cream. Their food is good, but usually not what you ordered. They have wonderful cheese fries. I want fries.

8. fries from WENDYS?

Wendy’s is similar to mcdonalds, especially in the sense that they have fries. you know what I’m really craving? FRIES.

7. CRACKER BARREL?

They might serve fries?

6. I actually got fries, I’m pretty content. I think I wrote this like last week, so theres no point in continuing on the locations from which I wish to eat fries. They were from Sonic, and they were pretty good. some stories really do have a happy ending. This is one of those stories. I’ve had many disappointments in my life. However, this was not a disappointment. This was a triumph. My life has really taken a turn for the better….

If I could describe my feeling, it would be happiness. I have a feeling of being happy. My salt intake is quite high right now. Maybe salt makes me happy? Most foods i eat make me happy. Food is very nice. Being happy is very nice. Lots of things in this world make me happy. Some things make me sad. Fries make me happy. Never has a fry made me sad.

• Eating animal crackers on a fold-able table in a carpeted room.
• Wearing white sandals with flowers on them, I think I was about three at the time, because we were building the house I live in.
• Ordering cookies from another state while at a summer camp.
• Singing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” at that same camp.
• The phrase “Some people are just a grain of salt in a bag of sugar”
• The protein song.
• My fifth grade math teacher being on Wheel of Fortune.
• playing Club Penguin at 3AM during the summer.
• Making a diss track while at another summer camp (which you can still request to listen to)
• Going to a recycling place with the gifted class in third grade.
• Building a small town out of Popsicle sticks in the fourth grade.
• My third grade teacher used to let me write and direct plays during and after break for some reason. They really weren’t that good, but, hey, i’m a literary now. I guess her letting me express myself payed off.
• Playing Glenda the good witch in the Wizard of Oz at my hometown theater, and throwing together my outfit in a single day using local thrift stores and poor sewing skills.
• Making my first cosplay on my grandmothers dining room table over the course of an entire summer.
• Going to Krystal Burgers once a month on a Tuesday. Specifically Tuesday.
• Playing a really weird piece in jr. High band in which I had to make incredibly demonic sounds on my oboe.
• Being in symphonic band and counting how out of tune we were using dimes and quarters. This tradition I made is apparently still carried on in the band?
• Me and my friend Diana watching the emoji movie, and drinking icees
• Hitting a spider with a baseball bat in my world history class.
• a character I used to write a series about, called Legman. He is a simple Leg.
• My old school letting me work on my costumes during class.
• That circus that they don’t have anymore.
• My grandma giving me a sewing machine.
• My first trip to jo-anns.
• A full-out wedding for two stuffed animals in Oxford.
• Waking up at a sleepover with a circle of people around me. I’ve always wondered what they were doing, though I never asked.
• Attempting to be a cheerleader for 2-4 days.
• Eating spaghetti every day I worked on my Azura cosplay. Now every time I eat spaghetti I think I should be working on Azura, even though shes been complete for over a full year.

Every time they numb me up at the dentists office, I have the same hallucination. This has been happening for years, and I’m not sure on whether or not I should be concerned.

My trip to the dentists usually goes like this.

I walk to the front desk madly sobbing about any events that will soon take place. If you dob nonstop for at least half an hour, you’ll already be very numb by the time you’re in there.

Then, once my name is called, I go in, and they hook me up with this pig-nose looking thing. They call it “laughing gas” but i call it the scent of a 2007 justice store. Its super hard to breathe in, So I breathe through my mouth until they catch me doing that. Then i breathe through my nose.

After I’ve ascended into another dimension, they come over and say something about numbing shots. At that point, with over an hour of odd fumes being pumped into your body,and sobbing wildly, you’re too numb to even feel number. By that logic, you wont even feel the shot they’re about to put in your mouth.

This is where the hallucinations begin.

In my reoccurring hallucination, a table will appear next to mine, with this lady dentist attempting to have a conversation with her patient. The little girl will talk about her sister going to Disney, and the fact that she is going to chic-fil-a after her dental work is over. this same conversation will repeat, but every time it repeats, it speeds up and overlaps itself. eventually my vision goes gray and its nothing but fast paced talking. At first, I thought the woman and little girl were real. but then five or so years later, they still kept showing up. They never aged. Their conversation never changed, and I’m pretty sure its that nitrous-oxide causing these hallucinations.

Am I crazy? do you guys hallucinate at the dentists office as well? If so, let me know what you hallucinate, and if it occurs on a regular basis.