what.

If anyone is ever wondering, “What is going on in Brianna’s mind?” I’m here to answer that question.

My most recurring thought is, “what.”

Not to be confused with, “what?”

There is a difference in tones.

The one with a question mark (?) is stated with curiosity and a raised brow, while “what.” is deadpanned. It is said with a straight, almost bored, face because I have lost all hope that I will ever understand anything ever again.

Now you must be thinking, “Is this girl okay? Who hurt her? Does she need to talk to someone?” and the answer is, honestly……. who knows? My brain is fried like a fish and it’s only the second week of school. (It’ll be the third or fourth week by the time you read this but I wrote it in advance. Just know that my brain is probably (definitely) fried by now.) (Am I allowed to put parenthesis in parenthesis? Guess we’ll find out.)

Now you may be thinking, “what.” but I promise there’s a reason behind this weird and very long introduction and the point is, that I have NO idea what I’m doing. Like, ever. I wing it most of the time and cross my fingers for the best. I act like I know what I’m doing, but guess what? I don’t! It’s a very chaotic way to live and I like to consider myself a “chaotic neutral”

The definition is, “Chaotic Neutral characters follow their whims. They are individualists first and last…… Chaotic neutral characters may be unpredictable, but their behavior is not totally random – they are not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. However, they do act on momentary whims, and are known to be unreliable. As some would say, “the only reliable thing about them is that they cannot be relied upon!”
Chaotic Neutral is sometimes considered the “purest” form of chaos, without bias in favor of good or evil.” (Joe Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary)

Now that you know what a chaotic neutral is, let me explain myself. I spontaneously do a lot of things without thinking them all the way through. For example, about a year ago, I decided, “hmm. I feel like I am a boring person (NEWS FLASH BRIANNA, YOU’RE NOT). Let’s shave some of our hair off!” So, I did it. (Still living with the consequences and I regret it very deeply, lol.)

I also would like to think that I am not a mean person but I’m also not the nicest, or so I’ve been told. I won’t bully someone or anything but if you ask my opinion, I’m going to give it to you. I don’t sugar- coat, lie about it, or soften the blow in any shape, form, or fashion. (ok, maybe I am a little mean but just hear me out.)

I honestly have no idea where this is going but it’s okay. The title is “what.” for a reason. You probably have no idea where this is going and I thought I knew, but I don’t, so let’s just sit on it a minute and think, “where do I want Brianna’s blog to go?”

………..okay time’s up. If you guessed “nowhere”, you are correct!! Congratulations! *this last bit must be read in a game- show host’s voice or you did it wrong. If done wrong, please scroll alllll the way back up to the first paragraph, start over, and try again*

Peace out, girl scout! 🙂

(Just another side note; this was inspired by Bo Burnham’s Stand- up comedy Special on Netflix. I think you can also bootleg it off of Youtube. You didn’t hear that from me, though. 10/10 recommend)

Author: Brianna Cox

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations View all posts by Brianna Cox