I May Be More Mixed Than I Thought I Was

So, a few days ago, I found a TikTok. It was very beautiful and hilarious and I became fascinated by this short, sweet video. In this clip, there was a gorgeous girl–her name is Venus and she’s most likely legal–and she was decked out in pony beads. She had a pony bead necklace, a million pony bead bracelets, and I think a pony bead mask. She had on this beautiful, crazy makeup that made her look like a concert fairy. She, alone, was very mesmerizing. But in the video, she does this…thing? She held her hand up to  the camera and did a few hand gestures, all of which are appropriate. And, it just really fascinated me. Here is the video:

Her @ on TikTok is theaphroditevenuss

I literally have this saved to my phone. I just kept watching it, over and over and over again. I was entranced. But, it really got me thinking. What the heck is she doing? Why was she doing it? So, I took to Google and tried my best to explain to myself why I was so interested in this video. Everything I found completely engrossed me into this subculture. I just kept researching and reading and watching.

Basically, she is a “Scene Rave Girl”. The thing she was doing with her hand is called PLUR, an acronym for Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. They’re the principles commonly associated with Rave culture. The bracelet she “traded” is commonly called Kandi. They’re made of pony beads and string. Honestly, finding this out made me more intrigued to this. So I started listening to rave music. The first song I listened to was Pretty Rave Girl by S3RL (the song in the video) and Eat Sleep Rave Repeat by Fatboy Slim, Riva Starr, and Beardyman. I found myself completely in love with these songs. The high energy, the  beat drops, the crazy nostalgia that comes with this music. I was completely and absolutely head-over-heels with it. All of it. This made me feel crazy, because never in my life had I felt such a molecular connection with a bass drop, ya’ know?

This sent me whirling into an identity crisis. Do I want to be a “Scene Rave Girl”? Do I want to spend money on a festival where I can be in a crowd of sweaty bodies moving to a song that has practically no emotional value? Do I want to dress as if I send “Rawr XD ^-^” in text conversations? And the answer, sadly, is yes. I want to be a “Scene Rave Girl”. I want to jump around in a crowd of must and stank at the slight chance that I might become friends with another “Scene Rave Girl” and we rave together. I want to get dressed in crazy beautiful makeup that makes me look like a concert fairy. I want all of that. And that’s what ate me up most on the inside.

Knowing this knowledge, I cried in the lap of my great friend, Chloe Russell. I sat on the floor beside her chair and laugh-cried myself into hysteria while Callie calmly chuckled at me. She began poking fun at me, I guess her way of making the situation better, and we giggled together. And, in this conversation, she told me I was a RSCO Girl–a rave VSCO girl. That made me cry a little harder, because although it made no sense whatsoever, it fit. But her humor helped. And after that, I calmed down. I sucked up my tears and I got over it. Who hasn’t had a little identity crisis at some point before they turn 18? So, yeah. That’s it.

Merry Christmas!!!

Author: Azya Lyons

“have i gone mad? im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.” -Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland aw skeet skeet

2 thoughts on “I May Be More Mixed Than I Thought I Was”

  1. OKAY, idk if you know this, but I am the QUEEN of identity crises. ESPECIALLY being biracial, I NEVER knew who I was or what “crowd” I belonged to; I think I got it figured out now, but that’s all subject to change 🤷🏽‍♀️. Anywho, don’t be in such a rush; these things take time. Love you, my darling, Azya <3

  2. Thank you for adding my cameo, haha. But, seriously, Ayza, this is incredibly hilarious. I think I laughed maybe ten times reading it. I had no idea that this even existed, and it was pretty entertaining to here you explain it. Thank you for including the video; it is kind of entrancing. But I wish you luck on your identity journey. Personally, I would love to see you blossom into a RSCO girl. Also, I just want to say that some of the phrases in this post are literally golden, especially what you said about a molecular connection to bass drops (I literally just died typing that; you probably heard me cackling).

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