Category: Junior Literary

If anyone is ever wondering, “What is going on in Brianna’s mind?” I’m here to answer that question.

My most recurring thought is, “what.”

Not to be confused with, “what?”

There is a difference in tones.

The one with a question mark (?) is stated with curiosity and a raised brow, while “what.” is deadpanned. It is said with a straight, almost bored, face because I have lost all hope that I will ever understand anything ever again.

Now you must be thinking, “Is this girl okay? Who hurt her? Does she need to talk to someone?” and the answer is, honestly……. who knows? My brain is fried like a fish and it’s only the second week of school. (It’ll be the third or fourth week by the time you read this but I wrote it in advance. Just know that my brain is probably (definitely) fried by now.) (Am I allowed to put parenthesis in parenthesis? Guess we’ll find out.)

Now you may be thinking, “what.” but I promise there’s a reason behind this weird and very long introduction and the point is, that I have NO idea what I’m doing. Like, ever. I wing it most of the time and cross my fingers for the best. I act like I know what I’m doing, but guess what? I don’t! It’s a very chaotic way to live and I like to consider myself a “chaotic neutral”

The definition is, “Chaotic Neutral characters follow their whims. They are individualists first and last…… Chaotic neutral characters may be unpredictable, but their behavior is not totally random – they are not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. However, they do act on momentary whims, and are known to be unreliable. As some would say, “the only reliable thing about them is that they cannot be relied upon!”
Chaotic Neutral is sometimes considered the “purest” form of chaos, without bias in favor of good or evil.” (Joe Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary)

Now that you know what a chaotic neutral is, let me explain myself. I spontaneously do a lot of things without thinking them all the way through. For example, about a year ago, I decided, “hmm. I feel like I am a boring person (NEWS FLASH BRIANNA, YOU’RE NOT). Let’s shave some of our hair off!” So, I did it. (Still living with the consequences and I regret it very deeply, lol.)

I also would like to think that I am not a mean person but I’m also not the nicest, or so I’ve been told. I won’t bully someone or anything but if you ask my opinion, I’m going to give it to you. I don’t sugar- coat, lie about it, or soften the blow in any shape, form, or fashion. (ok, maybe I am a little mean but just hear me out.)

I honestly have no idea where this is going but it’s okay. The title is “what.” for a reason. You probably have no idea where this is going and I thought I knew, but I don’t, so let’s just sit on it a minute and think, “where do I want Brianna’s blog to go?”

………..okay time’s up. If you guessed “nowhere”, you are correct!! Congratulations! *this last bit must be read in a game- show host’s voice or you did it wrong. If done wrong, please scroll alllll the way back up to the first paragraph, start over, and try again*

Peace out, girl scout! 🙂

(Just another side note; this was inspired by Bo Burnham’s Stand- up comedy Special on Netflix. I think you can also bootleg it off of Youtube. You didn’t hear that from me, though. 10/10 recommend)

Hey guys!

If you follow me on social media, you probably saw that I posted a poll last week asking my followers to vote for the topic of my next blog post. The choices were: pineapple on pizza, ‘Body-Shaming pt. 3’, or the use of the n-word. I tallied the votes, and my next post will be on…. (*drumroll*, please) the use of the n-word! I wanted to have it posted this week, but unfortunately, despite how diligently I have been working, I am just not done. This is a very broad topic that I do not want to tread lightly on, so I am going to have it posted next week! I think that with this added time I’ll have to develop it, you guys won’t be disappointed.

Because of this setback, I have decided that I will post a piece based on the topic you guys vote on here and on social media every other week. The weeks in-between I will post either a poem or something I’ve been working on along with updates and the reveal of the upcoming blog post topic.

Since the topic of the n-word is so extensive, I will most likely make it into two parts, but there are no guarantees. So, if it is split into two separate posts, it will be two weeks before the next topic reveal & update, and three weeks before next blog post. Because I am already posting this update, I am including the topic poll, but once I get started with the routine, I will post the poll at the end of the previous blog post. Essentially, it will be a topic blog post with a poll attached, then, the next week, an update blog post with the poll winner, then, the next week, a topic blog post with the winning topic and a poll attached, and so on and so forth. I really hope this makes sense! Comment any questions you have below 🙂

Now, without further adieu, the next topic choices are:

• Pineapple on Pizza
• White Privilege
• Are Beauty Pageants Objectifying Women?
• The Great Straw Debacle (#save the sea turtles, hahaha!)
  • Comment below what topic you think I should tackle for my 3rd blog post!

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Here’s a short essay I wrote in English Comp. about how I want to be remembered:

Powdered Doughnuts

If you ask my friends to describe me, they would use words like: kind, thoughtful, happy, or bubbly, while these words are true. The question was, “How do I want to be remembered?” Well, the answer is simple. I want to be remembered as someone who wrote you cards on your birthday every year, someone who always made you feel loved, someone you could always count on.

When I was a little girl, my mother would pick me up from preschool every afternoon and take me to the gas station. I thought this was simply to get my afternoon snack, but it was for her to get her daily nicotine fix. Either way, we left the store satisfied with our purchases. I would get mini powdered doughnuts (sometimes the chocolate ones, on a bad day) and Mother would get her to Doral shorts in the gold box. On the ride home, I’d ask her the same question every day: “Mama, how are these doughnuts made?” and she’d answer with a story about the doughnut makers at the doughnut factory. This was our routine. Now, Mother doesn’t smoke anymore and I’ve put my doughnut eating behind me, but those days made me who I am today.

I am someone who hates the smell of cigarette smoke and has struggled with her weight her whole life. I am someone who apologizes when an apology isn’t necessary; someone who cares enough to write you cards on your birthday and makes you feel loved. I am someone who you can count on. This is me. This is who I am, and this is how I’d like to be remembered.

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Thank you guys for being patient with me as I navigate this new world of blogging. Don’t forget to vote for the next topic! See ya next week with “The N-word: Creating a Community or Repeating a Cycle of Hate”.

I wake up seeing I slept through most of the day. It’s 4:38 pm. Only distant sounds of the active city can be heard. I am not like them. I do not contribute to that lively sound. The dulling light forces its way through my dark curtains in the room my mind tortures me in. I lay there, waiting for the light to go away so I can find it easier to go back to sleep. Why won’t it just go away? I pull the covers over my head and the thick sheets suffocate me. I can’t keep living this way. I should get out of bed. I should go outside. I should stop shutting people out. but where is my motivation? I have none.

How do you find motivation when your life never seems to go right? I have no idea. What’s the point of trying to get up if you’re just going to be kicked down again? Oh right. Duh. Because you’ll never experience joy if you don’t try. Right? That’s what my mother told me. Where is my mother? Could she still be at our empty home that I last saw her at? No, she’s somewhere further away now. I regret not appreciating her nagging voice when she told me how to live my life. If only I had listened to her. Would I be here? Would I be fighting to take action of simply getting out of my imprisoning bed?

After a good hour of asking questions that remain unanswered, I decide to get out of bed. I think I need a distraction. How can I be so at peace in my dreams with my eyes closed, but be at war with reality when my eyes are open? Is this the same bed? How can something hold the best and worst parts of my day? Maybe sleeping doesn’t count as part of your day, as your not in your subconscious. Maybe it only stands for the night, when days are absent through drifting thoughts that aren’t your own. Maybe it’s only meant to be a break from the day. Okay. Just do it. Don’t think about it.

Slowly lifting the sheets off my body and head, I get a breath of fresh air. Refreshing. The room doesn’t seem so dark now. I can see the light through the curtains more clearly. I pull my two feet off the bed and place them on the floor. How long has it been since I’ve felt the cold wood of my apartment under my feet? I slump my shoulders forward and let my head fall as I stand up. My legs are week, but they somehow manage to hold me up and support my weight. What’s their motivation?

I drag them behind me as I make my way to the curtains. Should I? I’m not sure if I should let the light in. Why is this something I contemplate? Just do it. Don’t think about it. I rip the heavy curtains open and an overwhelming beam of light shines on my tired face. There’s sunlight on my face. It feels warm and almost makes me smile.

My stomach growls at me. When was the last time I ate? I’m not sure if I should eat something. Why is this something I contemplate? Just do it. Just go force myself to regain some strength.

I take myself to the kitchen. Am I sure? don’t think about it. I pull out a can of soup from the piratically empty cabinets that have been unopened for at least a week, not sure what kind, but I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s something. I heat it up in the microwave and listen to to the sound. It almost sounds lively, the sound I do not contribute to. It beeps, catching me off guard. Getting a spoon, I take a bite.  There’s a no longer familiar, but comforting taste in my starving mouth. It tastes flavorful and hot, but not too hot and it almost makes me smile.

I look down at my clothes- the same sweat pants and over-sized tee shirt I’ve been wearing for probably 2 weeks. I smell. I should probably take a shower, change my clothes. I’m not sure if I want to take care of myself that much. I’m not sure if I want to be clean again. Why is this something I contemplate? Just do it. Don’t think about it and turn the water on for the first time in weeks.

I walk sluggishly to the bathroom and turn the water on. As I step in to the shower, hundreds of drops of water crash on my pale skin. Its warm- like a summer rain. I washed my hair and body, the soap smells like all the girls that I am not like typically do. It smells like flowers and lavender, a smell that is not stale as my house is, but refreshing and admirable, and it almost made me smile.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my hair and body. I should probably change my clothes. Maybe it would be nice to dress up and feel pretty. But I do not feel pretty, so why would I fake it? I will just wear the same thing- sweats and a tee shirt. I open my closet and as I pull out my routined clothes, I see the blue dress hanging in the back that my mother bought me over a year ago that I said I would never wear. I drop my shirt and pull the dress out of the closet. It has white vertical stripes running down it. I don’t think about it and try it on. I walk to the mirror and look at myself. It looks nice against my porcelain skin and long black hair, and it matches my big, light blue eyes. my mother would tell me I look beautiful, and I smile.

The sun is starting to go down so I can go back to sleep now. I gaze out the window at the color changing sky. I think about it, and I decide that I will go outside. I will not sleep again, but I will stay awake and inhale the city air I used to love.

My motivation is finding joy again.

In 2016, Ashley Graham was featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue. Graham was the first plus-sized model to appear on the cover of this magazine. In the issue, Graham stated, “It’s time to finally have a variety of beauty because there’s not just one standard.”

Even though Graham did something trailblazing in the beauty industry, people still ridiculed her. YouTuber, Nicole Arbour, responded to Graham’s accomplishment by saying, “Sports Illustrated swimsuit models are supposed to be the mecca of physical perfection when it comes to modeling.”

Arbour’s response implies that because Ashley is a size 16, she does not embody “physical perfection” which is what she claims is Sports Illustrated’s whole brand. Unfortunately, Arbour didn’t stop there. She went on to tear down the workout videos Graham posts saying, “Taking health advice from a fat person is like taking movie advice from a blind guy.”

Personally, I don’t understand why would you demean anyone who is trying better themselves? And also, as a bigger girl, I would rather take workout advice from someone who is closer to my size than someone who isn’t. I disagree with Arbour wholeheartedly. However, her claims inspired me to ask some questions; here are the responses of Kathryn Chapin & Hannah Hays:

What would you say to those who body shame? 

“I would say that my body doesn’t dictate how much I can do; it doesn’t dictate my mind or my worth, so why is it such a big deal to you?” questions Chapin.

What would you say those who defend body shaming by saying they’re concerned for your health?

“I’m sure that they are aware that they’re overweight and that they are at risk. I’m sure they’ve spoken to their doctor. They don’t need you to come up to them and say, ‘You’re going to die.’ But you also don’t know a person’s story or health just by looking at them. That’s none of your business anyway,” Hays says.

“You do need to check up on your friends because eating disorders do exist, but you need to know your place. You need to be close with someone or let someone who is close with that person know you’re concerned. And then, after that, you don’t need to know anything else about it. Gossiping about someone else’s health or body is not okay,” adds Hays.

What Hays is talking about is very serious. Eating disorders come in many shapes in sizes, but the most common are anorexia and bulimia. I wanted to know more about these disorders and how body shaming affects them, so I sat down with another student at MSA. Here is what she had to say:

“Growing up, I was always, like, really small and my friends would make fun of me for it. They would say, ‘You don’t eat anything’ or ‘You’re too skinny’. That was in the 4th grade; I weighed around 58 pounds. It was really bad. At that point, it didn’t really bother me though. I mean, I knew I was skinny, but that’s how I wanted to look,” confessed the student.”It was in the 9th grade when my friend said something to me and that was when I realized this was an unhealthy way of living,” she continues, “But even still, when I started to eat a lot; it didn’t really change anything. I’d still get called ‘too skinny’ and it’s really just impacted my life because I’ve always been body shamed for not being the weight society tells me I should be.”

When people think of body shaming, they often think of fat shaming, but thin shaming is very real. I sat down with Alexa Counsel, a MSA media arts student, to discuss the issue more.

“People would always pick on me for how small I am. They would try to pick me up all the time. It’s something that’s just been happening since I was little,” Counsel explains, “I’m about 90-something pounds and I assume when I turn 21, I will, maybe, be in the hundreds.”

How have your experiences with body shaming affected you?

“It’s made me feel ugly, very ugly. I still have problems now. I only wear baggy clothes and hooded jackets, and you’ll rarely ever actually see my arms.”

Has it changed the way you view yourself?

“Um, it used to, but honestly, now, I don’t really care about it as much— thinking that I should gain weight— because I know that I can’t. That’s just how my body is,” Counsel says. 

In our lives, most of us have all faced body shaming. It has made us feel unworthy and hate our bodies, but we are taking back our power. We are saying “No” to body shaming. Your body is beautiful and it is valid. You are valid. Don’t you ever feel anything less.

 

“There is no wrong way to have a body. We are more than the sum of our  parts; we are more than someone else’s expectations of us.”                                                                                          -Whitney Way Thore, Founder of No Body Shame

 

The reason that there is a body positive movement is because we’re celebrating our bodies for the magic that they are and the beautiful things they are capable of.                                                                                                                                                                                            -Mary Lambert, singer-songwriter & poet

I hope this empowers you.

-Maleigh 🙂

 

 

 

 

Last week I mentioned an internal clash between logic and creativity. If you have not yet read my previous post, I recommend you do so before continuing, as I will pursue the thought somewhat. Although I will not circle this blog around logic versus creativity, I want to address the topic once more. I have turned it over in my mind a lot, and I believe I might have found some helpful advice.

If you walk the line between concrete and abstract thinking—or if you simply feel drained of creativity—I encourage you to pause and observe your surroundings. Sometimes we become so rushed, caught up in the ceaseless current of the world, but even a mere ten seconds of thought can make a difference. Because when you stop walking from A to B, when you stop taking life from one event to the next, your brain will slow and not compute like an overworked computer.

Artists are odd creatures. They may or may not blend in with society, but their eyes see so much. If you do not consider yourself an artist, you may be wondering what they see because, after all, we live in a tangible world. You can pick up or alter the state of anything you see, and a lamp is just a lamp. But an artist, however, can view that same lamp as a tall friend with curly hair. An artist can interpret it as fierce illumination, and paint something with it as inspiration.

So how do you see through an artist’s eyes?

The answer: exercising your right brain, turning against the current, and listening. Sit on a bench for ten minutes without checking your cell phone or fretting about work and deadlines. You can allow life to pull you along, but peer out of the window every so often. And make a point to view the world differently. Because once you sit in a thoughtful silence, your eyes will see so much more, and you will think less in equations.

To conclude this post, I want to tack on a list of recent instances I followed this advice. Hopefully, if you are still confused, it will provide some direction.

Ascending a flight of stairs (we suffer from not looking up enough):

The dangling blinds sliced the sun, and the pieces smeared across the wall. Dust drifted down upon me, illuminated by the myriad of smoldering horizons.

Sitting on a bench beneath a tree:

Although summer still lingered, I saw traces of arriving autumn. The leaves fell onto my metal bench like rain beneath an umbrella, and the air had become cooled by a calm weariness. I saw the word anticipation in red and purple letters.

Waiting for an elevator:

Some of the trees seemed soaked in lemon juice, their leaves of yellow tinge and frayed at the edges. As I picked them out of the dense fog, the arrow above the elevator door turned yellow.

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In short, do not be afraid to stop and smell the roses. It will, without question, boost your creativity. Take inspiration from even the most mundane environments, and you will grow.

I have had so many personalities over the years. I have also had many different styles.

I remember when I used to wear cowboy boots with bootcut jeans. I listened to country while wearing that style. I also said y’all constantly.

But that was not me. That was my families influence on me.

I wore jeggings from Justice. They were stretchy, and did not flatter my figure. My hair would be tied up in a pony tail. I would wear this blue, fuzzy (imagine the cookie monster) jacket, and for some reason, I would wear hiking boots. I listened to pop.

But that was not me. That was me trying to find myself when I had no one to guide me. I suppose you could call that my awkward faze-Ew.

In 8th grade I wore hoodies all year round-preferably black. In fact my whole outfit was usually black. I felt comfortable in that color; in those hoodies. I listened to rock (Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens, Black Veil Brides, The Killers, etc.).

Was that me? No, not exactly. It was more of a self conscious, confidence-lacking version of me. Though, I was beginning to see myself.

Now, I wear bangs, glasses, and belts. Some days I wear mom jeans, cardigans, and doc martens. Other days I wear black on black. I wear what I want. I wear what makes me happy. I listen to many different types of music such as rock, jazz, classical, international rock + pop, etc. I listen to what I want. I listen to what makes me happy.

Am I me now? How can I even define who I am by music and clothes? Perhaps other people can, but I will tell you who I really am.

I am not a set of clothes, nor am I the music I listen to. I am not my dad, my mom, and my brother. I am none of those tangible things that you may think of.

I am funny, serious, loving, determined, passionate, witty, sarcastic, empathetic, sensitive, creative, and so many other things other than what you can visibly see.

So before you go and label someone based on what they look like, or even what they sound like. I want to challenge you to look deeper into who that person is. It may surprise you how much there personality radiates such a beauty about them.

My name is Hannah Hays, and I am unapologetically me.

And you should be unapologetic about who you are as well. After all, your body has overcome so many things. Your mind has faced several issues. You are strong, and I commend you for that.

 

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge music fanatic. I LOVE music so much. I love listening to it, learning it, making it, etc. So, I made a playlist of my favorite songs and why they’re my favorite. (as of right now. they change, like, every 2 weeks.)

Before we begin, I just need to put a little disclaimer: some of these songs have inappropriate language, but all of them also have a clean version! So, with that being said, let’s jump right in!

Oh wait, there’s more. These are in no particular order, I just wrote what songs came to mind first. You’ll see that some songs towards the bottom have higher rankings than the ones at the top. (The rating scale is 1-10, 1 being okay and 10 being heavenly.)

1. I Can’t Handle Change- Roar

-This is my favorite song right now because, like the title says, I can’t handle change that well. I’ve lived in one house, one town, and one state my whole life. Nothing has had to change for me except the amount of people living with me. My household went from 5 people to just me and my mom. It was hard to adjust and this song came on shuffle while I was browsing through Spotify and it stuck with me. There’s a part in the song where one of the singers simply says, “Leave me alone, leave me alone”. I like this part not only because of the way it sounds but because I LOOOVE my alone time. Sometimes I just want everyone to leave me alone. 10/10

2.  Work Song- Hozier

-This song is beautiful in so many ways. The love that Hozier is feeling for this woman is so strong, I feel like anyone who listens can feel it. I often wonder what it would be like to be loved as deeply as Hozier loves this woman. I have two favorite lyrics, and they’re my favorite because they are both just so deep and beautifully written. My number one favorite is, “When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.” Every time I hear this lyric, I just stop and can’t help but to think “wow.” My second favorite lyric in this song is, “When I was kissing on my baby, and she put her love down soft and sweet. In the lowland plot, I was free. Heaven and Hell were words to me.” He’s basically saying that he doesn’t care where he ends up, as long as he is with her. GOOSEBUMPS TO THE MAX! This is the kind of song you keep on repeat for 5 months (tooootally not speaking from personal experiences) 10000000000000/10

3. Love- Lana Del Rey

-This song is all about being young and in love. It’s about the things teenagers do in their youth with the person they love. This song is soothing to listen to. But, if you can relate to it, it’s even more beautiful. Personally, I can feel this song in my chest and in my gut. This is the kind of song that you play in a car going down the interstate with all of the windows down. It is the teenage anthem for being young and foolishly in love. 10/10

4. SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK- Joji

-Where do I even start? This song is phenomenal, to say the least. When he says, “Now I’m around slow dancing in the dark. Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms”, it gives me goosebumps. His vocals, the poetry, the meaning. It all makes for an amazing listen. It’s a very sad song, though. In one part he says, “you looked at me like I was someone else” and it tugged a heart- string because I know what it’s like being with someone who has feelings for another person. This is also a song that resonates in the deepest pits of your heart, if you can relate. I know it does for me. This is the kind of song you listen to when you’re laying in bed, depressed.  100000/10

5. Caged Bird- Myles Cameron

-This song is about trying to move on after you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and it ended. Myles Cameron says it’s like a caged bird trying to learn how to fly again. This was my go- to song when my ex of 2 years and I split up. I realized how much it is like trying to learn how to fly. You’re gonna fall a few times but you’ll get it eventually. All you need is time. Not only is this song very deep and meaningful, but his voice is deep and soothing. It’s very smooth sounding. He’s also very underrated and doesn’t have that many listeners. This is also a song to listen to when you’re staring at the ceiling and being depressed. 8.5/10

6. Loving Is Easy- Rex Orange County

-Just a warning: this song contains a few bad words so don’t say I didn’t warn you if you decide to play it in front of your grandma and one of the first things she hears is the “F” bomb.

Anyway, this song is honestly hilarious. It’s very upbeat and happy sounding, but it is basically saying that his ex made him think that love should be hard. Then, when they split, he realized that loving is easy. And she had him “messed” up (not really what he said but this is a school blog, so.) This song makes me laugh every time I hear it because it’s very easy to relate to. People will try to tell you that loving someone is hard, but it’s not. What you two face together may be hard, but loving, and I mean really loving, someone is not hard. This is the kind of song you BOP to in the car. It’s so funny and upbeat. 8/10

7. Nobody- Jhene Aiko

-I love this song because Jhene is basically saying that she never needed anyone. I relate to this because almost everything I’ve done since I could do it on my own, I have done it on my own. I never needed help from anyone and I doubt I ever will. It’s kind of a sad song because it has a feeling of betrayal and she’s firing back that she doesn’t need whoever hurt her. I relate to this because I had a friend that used to borrow money from me all the time and when I stopped giving it to her, she decided that she didn’t want to be friends anymore and I realized that I didn’t need her. In fact, I was waaaay better off without her. This is the song you play when someone has hurt you and you need to remind yourself that you don’t need ANYONE except yourself. 7/10

8. Somebody Else- The 1975

-Whew. This song honestly makes me cry. It’s one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. And I mean a “feel it sink from your heart to your gut” kind of sad. It’s about the person he loves, loving somebody else. I feel this song in my chest because I know what it is like to watch the person you love, love somebody else in ways that he/ she never loved you. It’s a very raw emotion that clogs up your throat and makes your heart heavy. Just listening to this song makes me feel that way. Although it may seem upbeat, if you listen, you will hear just how heart breaking it really is. This is the song that gets you so depressed that when it comes on shuffle, you sit down and stare at the water running down your knees. 7.5/10

 

9. Lost in You- khai dreams

-This song is so simple and uplifting. I can’t help but to bop my head to the sides when this song comes on. It’s not a childish song but it makes you feel a child- like giddiness inside. Maybe that’s just me connecting to every song I’ve ever heard. It’s only 1.41 minutes long but sometimes a song doesn’t need to be long to be good. My favorite lyric from this whole song is, “we can get lost in an offbeat rhythm, feel the way that you’re moving and I think that I get it”. I just love the poetry of the phrase “get lost in an offbeat rhythm” because not everything has to be perfect to be beautiful. Just like this song! This is the kind of song that comes on shuffle while you’re washing dishes or folding the laundry and you start to dance a little and hum along. 9/10

10. Easily- Bruno Major

-The first thing you hear Bruno Major say is, “don’t you tell me that it wasn’t meant to be, call it quits, call it destiny. Just because it won’t come easily doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.” This song is just all around so beautiful. It’s very romantic to listen to because of the pace, the music, his voice. It’s a song that I can imagine dancing to in the kitchen at midnight with my soulmate. It has a vintage- y feel to it and it’s overall a refreshing listen. This is the song you play when you’re slow dancing with yourself.  10/10

Well, those were my favorite songs right now and why they’re my favorites. I hope you listen to them and love them as much as I do! Also, please don’t think that I am depressed and all that jazz because I threw in some jokes about staring at the ceiling and sitting in the shower. (Been there, done that. Never again, lol)

I really enjoyed writing this so there will probably be a LOT more reviews on songs and books. Hope you enjoy and I’ll see you again next Wednesday!

*reading back on this, I realize that I write exactly like I talk. Scattered, all of the place, bad humor, forgetfulness. But, this is a blog, not a novel so not everything will be perfect and smooth. I am a messy writer and I own it! Okay, bye for- real this time*

This is gonna be a series on short films. I didn’t seriously get into short films until recently. I was randomly scrolling on Youtube and came across this short film about these group of friends and one of the friends died by electrocution. It’s very blunt but the sheer aspect of it was so unexpected and left me compelled to see what was going to happen next. Unfortunately, that isn’t the short film I’m reviewing today 🙂 When I look for short films to watch, I never search for anything specific. The pure enjoyment of finding one adds a level of anticipation that makes the whole experience of watching 10x better. My selection of the day is called Roadside directed by Jakob Owens and Ryan Alexander. This film was 4 minutes and 55 seconds long, contained a fair amount of dialogue and only consisted of two characters. There were no names, no specific setting, just a man and a woman on a lone road in what seems like the middle of nowhere. The simplicity of the film is what gave it its character. Many simple films don’t pace the plot and rush it completely, giving away its excitement or completely overwhelming the audience. Roadside made a good move in pacing it in a way that didn’t give too much away in the beginning of the film, giving the audience the chance to ponder over what could happen. This movie was labeled a thriller though I think it should’ve been labeled suspense simply because of the dramatic climax of the film. The climax itself was very well executed. The directors did well in fooling the audience to think one thing was going to happen but having a completely different thing happen. That aspect I enjoyed very much. Overall this film, on a scale of 1-10, was a 8.5. If the acting itself was better, I think a 10/10 would’ve sufficed. Comment what you think of the film below!!

https://youtu.be/84sKjWyMFoE

I want nothing more
than to have nothing at all.
I want to live the rest of my life
having never known your name
or heard your voice
or understood just who you were to me.

I want nothing more
than to know that  You are a  not
pertinent part of my life.
I want to wake up in the mornings and feel
refreshed.
I don’t want to feel your presence over me any longer.

So, Ominous Presence Breathing Down My Neck 24/7, 
I relinquish you from my life.
You are no longer any concern to me
nor I to you.

I will allow you closure and
anything else you may need 
for your new life without me 
to feed upon, but I will not
continue to be the force
you indulge on.

Now, I hope you starve of the
satisfaction of draining me 
until I am a lifeless pile
on the floor.

I wanted nothing more
than nothing at all.
now, I finally have my
clean slate.

If I am going to be completely honest, I have no idea where this poem came from. I needed a blog post, so I started listening to Fleetwood Mac, Sonic Youth, and vaporwaved Abba and this is what came of it.

In the poem, I am referencing to my biological mother. I’m not going to display my entire life story on a blog in school, but she has always felt like a shadow in my life, always lurking in the back, watching. I’ve never really resented her, but I do resent that presence, so I “relinquished” and gave it away to whomever takes it. 

I have always been a lover of music, it just speaks to me no matter what kind of mood I am in. So I thought it would be interesting if I created this new segment on my blog called playlist of the month. It will consist of multiple songs from all types of genres that I felt connected to in that month. That being said, here is the playlist of the month for August 2019.

This playlist includes different types of genres ranging from late 50s Doo-wop with “I Only Have Eyes for You” by The Flamingos, to modern pop with Normani’s latest single “Motivation.” With a rewind to the 70s with Donny Hathaway’s “A Song for You” and many more varieties. I hope you all enjoy this August playlist and look forward to many more to come.