I’ll be the first to admit that I have a bit of an addiction to Instagram. And it’s not the likes, follows, or even the other people on the app. It’s the pictures.
My Instagram Through the Years
I’ve had the same Instagram account since 5th grade and the evolution of my posts is actually hilarious.
2014 2015
2016 2017
2018
I credit 2018 for being the beginning of my Instagram photography obsession. That year brought to my page pictures such as:
It was also the year that I discovered that I could download apps to edit my pictures instead of just editing them in Instagram. This was very help and I think it improved the quality of my posts a lot!
2019
2019 was really the year that I started taking and editing pictures of myself:
I also started talking pictures for other people. Some of my favorites I took for my younger sister:
2020
Even though we’re only about a month into 2020, I expect that I’ll be experimenting more with editing. The posts I’ve already posted and will be posting in the next few weeks are already some of my favorite pictures:
Social Media and Self Image
It’s generally known that social media can take a negative toll on someone’s self image. We tend to compare our lives to other people’s while using services such as Instagram. If we’re not posting pictures with friends, significant others, or on vacation, then we’re not as good as the people who are, right?
This, obviously, is wrong. When we’re on social media, we’re not seeing the whole story. We are only seeing the best of someone’s life and we’re only being told what they want us to hear. An Instagram profile is never an accurate portrayal of someone’s life.
Once you figure this out, social becomes a whole lot more fun! I speak from experience when I say this. I got Instagram in fifth grade because everyone else had it. I posted the same stuff that I saw everyone else posting. But once I realized that I shouldn’t care about likes or what anyone else was doing, Instagram become more of a way for me to express myself than a way to impress others and get likes.
I also learned a very vital lesson about photography: It doesn’t take much to take a good photo. I learned how to pose, edit, and use angles to my advantage. As a person who’s struggled to keep up a positive self image, sees such good pictures of myself really helped my confidence.
Of course, editing pictures of yourself is a little risky. Usually, people will over analyze pictures of themselves, pointing out every minor flaw. It’s possible that they may edit things such as the shape of their face and body, pimples, and other aspects of themselves that they may consider flaws. What helped me overcome this was remembering that not everyone sees my flaws the way I do. What I may think is a terrible flaw that completely ruins the picture might be so small that someone else may not even notice it.
Connor, a fellow junior Media, once told me he could never take a good picture of himself. I told him that was impossible and that I could take a good picture of him right then and there. And I did:
These pictures were taken in 10 minutes in a staircase during class. Not the most convenient time or place, but it proves that you don’t need much to take a good picture.
In short, social media can actually be a good thing if you let it be. It was never meant make us compare ourselves to others. It was meant to help us stay connected and be expressive.
hiiii! before i jump right in, i would like to add that these tips will not work on everyone. i’m just giving my hair routine that works for my hair type. i’m sorry if this doesn’t work for you.
okay, to begin with, i have curly/wavy hair. if i don’t put any kind of product in it, it becomes frizzy and none of my curls are defined. it’s not a good look, lol. okay, let’s jump right in.
first, i shower and wash my hair with Garnier Whole Blends shampoo with coconut oil and cocoa butter extracts. i use the matching conditioner but only when my hair is feeling dry. and even then, i only condition the ends of my hair. conditioning the scalp makes your hair oily faster if you have a fairly oily scalp like i do. i let the conditioner sit in my hair for about 2-3 minutes then i rinse it out with cold water.
next, if i can help it, i like to dry my hair with a t-shirt instead of a towel. towels tend to get caught in your hair and pull on the strands, causing breakage. t-shirts are just overall better for healthy hair!
once my hair isn’t dripping wet anymore, i spray it with this Tresemme frizz ease spray. this helps keep my curls hydrated and put together. (it also smells really good)
after i finish spraying my hair, i fill up my palm with Suave extra hold mousse. this keeps my curls in place and not looking like a witch or something. this product is probably the most important product that i use.
next, i squeeze a small amount of Green Tea Fitness Air Dry Cream into my hand and apply it to the bottom of my hair. this also helps with frizz and it helps it dry faster, so it’s less likely to get too big. (frizz and size are my biggest concerns when it comes to my hair)
after that, i squeeze a fair amount of Argan Oil of Morocco into my hands. this stuff smells AMAZING. it also helps with shine and softness. this by far one of my favorite products that goes on my hair.
and finally, i spray my curls with hair spray. i try to get a fairly strong holding spray. i prefer Tresemme and i like to get the 3-4. it holds my hair better.
results may vary depending on your hair and how you do this process.
If you refer to the title of this post, you can see I used the title of the old Disney channel segments in which kids would tell their “The Time I…” stories. I was feeling pretty nostalgic and decided it would be cool to tell a story from my own life. Now, my memory is terrible. I honestly have a huge memory loss gap in which I can’t remember anything before 2009. Considering I was 7 years old and probably living an easy-going and unbothered life, I don’t think anything truly exciting happened. However, I do have vivid memories of major events in my life. In this case, the one I most remember is the time I got lost at the zoo.
The time I got lost at the zoo had to be the first encounter with true fear. It was a school trip (shoutout Mcwillie Elementary in Jackson, MS!) to the zoo and it was the entire 3-6 age group of the school. Let me pause and explain this “group.” The elementary school I attended had grades split by ages in the lower school. There was a 3-6 group in which there were literally 3-6 year olds. This was the pre-K and kindergarten groups. To this day, I don’t understand why they couldn’t just refer to us by our actual grades, but it’s in the past now. Okay now we are resuming the story. So, like any other trip, we took the big yellow to the Jackson Zoo. We had on the same t-shirts to help identify any lingering kiddos if the situation occurred (it did by the way LOL). We were walking around the zoo, oohing and ahhing at all the animals that were trapped in their cages.
Side note: Even then I never liked the idea of seeing animals in cages, no matter how “protected” they are.
My mom had planned to meet us at the zoo. She wanted to eat lunch with me. Let me emphasize that she wanted to eat lunch with JUST me. So, when she came to the zoo, we broke from the group and sat in a mini sandbox and ate our lunch. After a while of eating, my mom wanted to take pictures with the wood cut outs in the sandbox. These were the cut outs where you put your face in the hole and the rest is a silly image of a mans body or a bears body. In this case it was a giraffe. After having our mini photoshoot, my mom had to go back to work. After seeing the group not to far away from us, my mom trusted me to make the short (and I mean so short, like literally a 60 second walk) back to the group. Me, the ever so trustworthy child, decided to make a short detour on my way back. I can’t remember what caught my eye, but when I started back towards the group again—they were gone. I can still remember the fear that ran through my body. So many questions bounced in my small head. Is someone going to kidnap me? Will I be lost forever in the zoo? Will I eventually pull a Tarzan and become one with the animals and live the rest of my days with them? While in the midst of panicking, I started walking around the zoo to find the many blue shirts that were in my group. Probably 10 minutes later, I found the group again. In that span of 10 minutes I completely accepted the fact that I was going to be lost forever. The joy in my heart when I saw those blue shirts was through the roof. I was so happy that I ran back to the group. The group had been sitting down almost as if they were at a stopping point. Little did I know, they were searching for me. I can still remember hearing, “Ms. *****! There’s Morgan!” *I’m going to leave the name of my past teacher out* The fury in the eyes of my teacher when she saw me would make a bull scared. I was pulled to the side and got a good ole reprimanding. I’m sure that if spanking was allowed at the school, I would have surely fall subject to it. I was so upset and ended up crying so hard. My teacher didn’t even let me get a popsicle like all the other kids like???? I get lost and I don’t get a popsicle????? To this day, I still get mad at that.
After the trip ended and we were back at school, I wanted nothing more but to go home. I was so relieved to see my mom pull into the school to pick me up. That was the first day I didn’t have anything to say on the car ride home. My mom knew something happened, but she never did ask me about it. I still appreciate the fact that my mom knows when not to ask me about things when I get upset. I actually don’t think I ever told her this story, which is pretty funny to me.
I hope you guys enjoyed this little story of mine. I like this idea and will most likely do it again in the future. I’m actually saw an idea to challenge your readers SO my challenge is for you to write your own “The time I…” story and share your stories with us!
Congratulations, you survived the first half. Now prepare thyself for the second…(I just want to say that I enjoyed every second spent typing this). Tears for Fears have become my most recent obsession, and creating this post worsened it, fun.
Note: This is less of a casual blog and more of a collection of this band’s history. Feel free to digest as you wish, visiting for new songs, a lot of facts, and my own personal opinions. I would rather keep all of my thoughts compact rather than separating them into a million segments, so sorry for the length; I tried my best to keep it short (also, I am too impatient to wait).
A Brief History of Tears for Fears:
(thanks to Wikipedia, YouTube, and miscellaneous sources)
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_for_Fears)
Tears for Fears (Who They Are):
(left to right: Roland Orzabal, Curt Smith, Ian Stanley, Manny Elias)
Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith met as early teenagers in Bath, England, bonding over their similar backgrounds, interest in books and psychology, and dependence on music. During their late teenage years, they played with a band called Neon, meeting Manny Elias, who would later become Tears for Fears’ drummer (two artists a part of Neon later became Naked Eyes, the band behind “Always Something There to Remind Me”). And, during the late seventies, Roland and Curt helped form the mod revival band known as Graduate, their musical career truly kicking off.
A Few Impressive Notes:
Roland and Curt played in a youth club band together at the age of fourteen.
Roland began performing more seriously (with John Baker, a member of Graduate) at the age of sixteen.
In 1980, the band had a single in Spain’s top ten, and Roland and Curt were about nineteen at the time.
Graduate Era (1978-1981):
(:
(The second-to-left guy: Curt Smith; the second-to-right guy: Roland Orzabal)
Below, I have included a video of one of Graduate’s performances, footage from Spanish television. Roland Orzabal is playing the white guitar in the center, and Curt Smith is to the right playing bass. I would cover the other guys’ names, but I do not want this blog to become too confusing.
I recently discovered Graduate’s existence and their only album, Acting My Age, and when I did, I was quite surprised. First of all, the band members have on stiff identical suits and green socks. Second, the style of music differs tremendously from their later works. And, lastly, Roland has the microphone almost entirely to himself. Looking at Curt in this video, I would never guess that he could become the same Curt Smith that sings and plays bass for Tears for Fears. All in all, although I love this era, it is almost too surreal to believe. (side note: The keyboardist looks kind of like Sting, and the drummer is having the time of his life.)
Roland and Curt separated from the band in 1981, disagreeing with the others’ priorities. After traveling miles for Graduate, Roland wanted to focus on writing music more than performing live, deciding to leave due to the other members planning on spending the majority of their time touring.
Becoming inspired by artists such as The Talking Heads, Roland and Curt formed a band named History of Headaches in 1981. The name, however, soon changed to Tears for Fears, the idea owing itself to Curt Smith—who was inspired by the work of psychologist Arthur Janov. Soon, Ian Stanley joined as the band’s keyboardist, offering free use of his home studio. Tears for Fears recorded two demos, and then they were signed in 1981.
The Hurting Era (1981-1983):
(main album cover)
(Roland (left) and Curt (right))
After two rather unsuccessful singles—”Suffer the Children” (1981) and “Pale Shelter” (1982)—Tears for Fears released a third single which reached no. 3 in the UK. The name of the song? Drum roll, please… “Mad World” (1982)! Then their first album, The Hurting, was released— proving quite successful, even internationally.
From these two videos, anyone can see the major shift from Graduate to Tears for Fears (The Hurting era). Curt Smith (the guy singing in the window—first video) went from playing bass in the background to being a lead vocalist. Although Roland fronted the band with him, Curt became the face of Tears for Fears. Roland Orzabal (the guy endlessly strumming the guitar—second video) fell more into the background. Although he was (and still is) the main brain behind the writing for Tears for Fears’, he felt as if he could not sing some of his songs, harboring feelings of unease about their popularity and the stage itself. After they found out that Curt could sing, Curt became the one in the spotlight, more comfortable with the publicity than Roland was.
Although I love every era of Tears for Fears, I love this one the most. I am a sucker for new wave synth bands, so of course I love The Hurting. Not only do I love every song on the album, but this album has all of my favorites. I love “The Hurting”, “Memories Fade”, “Change”, “The Prisoner”, and “Start of the Breakdown”. I like the other songs as well, but these are my top five. I also love the surreal music videos. Music video occurrences that I will never get over include the following: Curt singing in the window for “Mad World”, Roland dancing in the background, Roland’s dance moves in general, the giant fake impression of an iron in “Pale Shelter”, Roland following Curt with his guitar, and the paper airplanes (especially the one that hits Roland in the eye at the end of “Pale Shelter”). I love how they were becoming true artists (as well as true to themselves, musically), experimenting with different themes and emotions and styles of music in general—a trend in every album of theirs. Critics slammed the album, calling it too emotional and depressing for a pop album (which is dumb…because they are not just a “pop” band), but radios still broadcast songs like “Mad World” today.
(I love this era because of the synth, the lyrics, and the overall appearance of the band. It was a good era for fashion and hair styles, haha.)
(The full album):
(Live):
(I love this video, by the way…literal art. You can clearly read their awkwardness at the beginning, but it gets so good. Much love)
(1983)
Before 1983 ended, Tears for Fears released the experimental single “The Way You Are” while working on their second album, and, after, the era of The Hurting drew to a close.
(I found this video (1983) interesting. Roland is playing a synthesizer. )
(R.I.P., The Hurting. I listen to you nearly everyday, though.)
Songs from the Big Chair Era (1984-1986):
(main album cover…Roland (left) and Curt (right))
After two successful singles (“Mothers Talk” and “Shout” (1984)), Songs from the Big Chair was released in 1985. Unlike the music from The Hurting, Songs from the Big Chair took two steps back from synthesizers and experimented with a more sophisticated sound constructed by a range of various instruments and effects. And, with this album, the band was met with worldwide fame, embarking on a world tour for nearly a year. This album made Tears for Fears, basically. Although their other albums were met with a lot of positive feedback, this album brought their fame to new heights, the majority of their most well-known songs belonging to it.
(You probably have heard at least one of these songs:)
When recalling Tears for Fears, someone (specifically a person who lived through the 80s) thinks of these three music videos (or “Mad World”, of course). How could anyone forget “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” with Curt driving that green vintage vehicle? How could anyone forget “Shout”—probably one of the most 80s music videos, ever—with Roland’s most memorable look (trench coat and mullet), close-ups of Roland and Curt…shouting…off of a cliff (hah), the singing and dancing on the beach in front of a sunset, Roland’s epic guitar solo on a cliff, and as much visual layering as in the song itself (which is a lot… “Shout” is basically a journey of layers). And how could anyone forget “Head Over Heels” with the lighthearted library story, Roland walking in with a million books, the librarian’s hair, the chimpanzee, the weird-looking people scattered about, Curt’s glasses, and the undeniable humor that differs from their other videos.
If I am not mistaken, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” was the first music video by TFF that I ever watched. I have come a long way since then because I had no idea about their names, then. I would watch every music video confusedly because of their continuously changing appearances and alternating vocals. When I first watched “Shout”, it was an interesting experience. The too close-up images of them yelling—where all you can see is their teeth—made me cringe, and I thought of them as annoying synth-pop guys from the eighties. But after listening to them more, I came to appreciate the songs that I used to hear on the radio. Although “Shout” almost lasts an unnecessary amount of time, the layers are beautiful. If you skip impatiently through it, you miss a lot—like the random clanging, the deviations in the synth sounds, and Roland’s awesome guitar solo. Although I had a lot of fun laughing at their hair (mullets), their faces as they sang, the weird visuals of the video itself (ugh, layers, layers, layers), and Roland, I have a lot of respect for them now. I mean, these guys had nice hair for a band in the eighties. Also, I love layers and guitar solos and good synth beats, so of course I love them. Not only that, but my opinion of them being an annoying (but catchy) pop band changed after I went past these three (four, if you count “Mad World”) videos.
This is my second favorite era (shocker) because I have been in a new wave phase for the past two, three years (increasingly, I mean). Although Tears for Fears went beyond the Second British Invasion, they were one of the most influential bands a part of it (a.k.a. my favorite musical movement ever). I love everything about this era. I love the entire album, as Songs from the Big Chair holds a lot of my favorites. I love the continued use of synthesizers but the experimentation with other effects. I love the mullets. I love the earrings (especially Roland’s two dangly earrings). I love Roland’s trench coat. And I love the different sound (also, no two songs sound alike). My top five songs from this album are the following: “The Working Hour”, “Mothers Talk”, “I Believe”, “Head Over Heels/ Broken”, and “Listen”.
(An interview from 1985):
(A documentary of sorts; 1985):
(The full album):
During this era, Tears for Fears became more commercial against their ideals, persuaded by figures such as their manager. But their music continued to stay true to themselves, representing their identities more than The Hurting, in fact. With “Shout”, a lot of change began to unfold, the song a major step for Roland, especially. If you can not tell from the music videos, Roland began to have more of an appearance, even featured in the video for “Head Over Heels” (and it only continued from there…dun dun dun…totally not foreshadowing anything). But even though this album became probably their most “commercial” album, I disagree with Tears for Fears being known as just a pop band. Listen to “I Believe”, for instance—some of Roland’s best lyrics, in my opinion. And although songs like “Shout” may seem like a haphazard arrangement of the same annoying phrase, Roland’s writing is nothing to scoff at. In fact, he is my second favorite song writer. The more you listen to Tears for Fears’ lyrics, the more you realize how awesome they are, and, for the songs that sound casually shaped such as “Shout”, meaning lies beneath the surface.
In short, the release of Songs from the Big Chair marked a major change from The Hurting that would set Tears for Fears on the road toward their third album: The Seeds of Love. Also, Manny left the band (Ian Stanley soon after). R.I.P.
The Seeds of Love Era (1987-1990):
(official album cover…my favorite)
(Ugh, true art)
After Songs from the Big Chair, Tears for Fears spent many years developing their third album: The Seeds of Love. Many reasons stand as to why. During 1985, the band’s amount of fame grew exponentially, and Roland and Curt were touring the world in their early twenties. The two were somewhat disturbed by the overwhelming amount of attention and success, wanting to step away from extreme stardom and return to earth. As a result, Tears for Fears began to take a more organic approach to music, abandoning excessive use of machines (such as the lovely synthesizer). The Seeds of Love was released in 1989, earning a no. 1 spot in the UK’s top charts and making the top 10 in many countries, including the US. The two singles released shortly before the album were successful on their own, also—the Beatles-inspired Sowing the Seeds of Love and then Woman in Chains (which featured Oleta Adams and Phil Collins, on drums).
Fun fact: The meticulous approach that Tears for Fears took toward the crafting of this album cost them a lot of time and money. If you want details, head over to Wikipedia because that was an understatement (when considering this particular band’s history).
(Although I do not love this music video, I thought it was from Songs from the Big Chair which says something. I like the videos from that album, R.I.P. The setting of this is nice, and I like Roland’s hat and Curt’s shirt. I like how earthy it is, also.
(This is their third most popular song. Although I like the song itself, it has probably my least favorite TFF’s video. I find it worse than “Shout”, even. Sorry for cursing your screen with this, and sorry, Tears for Fears, for my comment.)
*(This is a live version of “Woman in Chains” from 1989; now, I find this video awesome.)
As you can tell, The Seeds of Love era did not have amazing music videos, but they definitely had better videos of live performances.
As of right now, this is my third favorite album. It has my favorite cover, and I love the shift in sound from their second album. I love how The Seeds of Love is nature-inspired, and I like the different themes. I have been listening to this album a lot, lately, and it has quite the effect on me. But, going back to the album, now…I love Roland’s hair. I also like choice in clothing. All in all, I find this album very vibrant and real, very fundamental yet extravagant. I appreciate their approach to this album, and I feel that they created something truly beautiful. The Seeds of Love would be my favorite album if I did not love synthesizers.
My five favorite songs: “Sowing the Seeds of Love”, “Advice for the Young at Heart”, “Standing on the Corner of the Third World”, “Swords and Knives”, and “Famous Last Words.”
* (“Famous Last Words” is one of my favorite Tears for Fears’ songs in general, actually. I love this video. I feel like it shows their growth as artists. Roland has a very genuine voice, so I am glad that he embraced a stage personality.)
And, speaking of last words…
(cue the sad music)
In 1991, the band split. Many reasons for this falling out were announced or speculated. Such reasons include the following: differences in production processes, Curt’s separation from his wife, mutual frustration, their manager’s bankruptcy and later conviction of fraud, and tension that came along with growth. In the beginning, although Roland wrote all of the songs, he did not yet have the personality to front the band, and Curt became the face of Tears for Fears. But, with time, Roland gained the confidence to sing the majority of his songs, and the problems began there. Curt went from singing entire songs by himself (“Mad World”) to rarely being a main vocalist (“I Believe”). Personally, I feel that this is the major reason Curt left the band; he was used to singing and loved it, and then Roland began to take over the spotlight (it is quite noticeable). Whatever the reason, in 1991, Curt left to pursue music elsewhere, and only Roland remained in Tears for Fears.
Was this the end? What happened after 1991?
Yep, this be the end, R.I.P.
Haha, just kidding…as of right now, I am making the decision to turn this blog into a trilogy. The last segment (hopefully) will be released soon. I promise that it will not last as long as this post. I became a little zealous. In my next post, I will finish the journey of Tears for Fears, and I will also include more pictures, videos, and song lyrics (I would have included some of the lyrics in this post, but it was already too long, sorry). To be continued…
Some More Songs/Videos:
*(Although I love the song itself, I love this live version with all of my heart.)
(An important, short interview with Roland)
(A few Graduate songs…)
(I have no idea what is happening, but it is definitely beautiful.)
(Roland dancing for nearly seven minutes)
A Few More Great/Funny Pictures:
(I like pictures if you can not tell.)
And for some humor:
I will talk more about why I like this band in my next Tears for Fears’ post. But for now, I will only say that I appreciate them for making me laugh with their sarcasm and crazy dance moves. And I also appreciate Roland for his lyrics, and I appreciate all of the guys for creating good music. I will pause my thinly disguised rant until part three, peace.
Did you learn something? Do you have a favorite era? Whatever your thoughts, thanks for reading, and I will see you all next time.
You, yes you, I know you. We are very similar, my friend. Though, we are not the same, I’m sure. You may be into writing, like me. You may be into drawing. You may even be into singing. Whatever it is, I know how you treat what is closest to your heart. In it’s rawest form you criticize it from every angle. You beat it down, until it seems like the most worthless thing in the world. And you question yourself, dear. Everyday.
Is This Good Enough?
Am I Good Enough?
I understand. I know how you’re feeling. In the clouds of black smoke you can’t seem a slither of light. You can’t find anything good about what you do. Not one thing. It makes you wonder why you even try. Why give it a shot? Surely, you don’t have a chance. Who cares about your passions, your aspirations, the vision you need to show the world, when it’s just ‘trash’.
Please, understand that I have stood in the fragile state that you are in. Teetering back and forth. Wondering if the audience will applaud or throw tomatoes. Hoping that they will applaud because you wore a white shirt today. Knowing that you wore a white shirt today, and don’t want it to be stained forever.
Well, I have news. You might fail. Shoot, you might get miserably boo’d. But don’t let those stains sink into your skin. Don’t let them turn your heart black, your passions into a sea of nothingness.
You deserve better.
Think, think about why you did this in the first place. Go back to the moment where doing that thing was breathing to you. You had to show the world your vision, your voice. You’re not done yet, love. You still have more of your vision to give them. You still have more of an impact to make. Who cares about other people’s opinions when this is your purpose. Don’t be ashamed, and keep on, keep on, keep on.
Never give in, Never give up.
Finally, give yourself some credit. You have already come so far now. Don’t let the past consume you. Look into your heart, and find your true passions again. Stop tearing yourself apart looking for what the public wants to see. Find respect in who you are now. Now breathe, and keep moving forward.
(Hello loves! Portfolios are due Feb. 1st for MSA. I wish the best of luck +love to you all. It is a stressful time, but don’t discredit yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Believe in your abilities!)
I have realized that I have become so attached to trying to control my life. I try to plan out every single thing and organize everything in its place. Just trying to keep control. But I realized that I was trying to achieve something that doesn’t exist. We all know life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. That’s because we have no power over life. So why be stressed over life when, in the end, you never know what happens. I’m constantly trying to teach myself that lesson. It’s a hard one for me to grasp, but I am trying. Recently, I wrote this prose piece about letting go of this concept called control. This piece serves as I reminder for myself to not overthink and get stress out so much over life. Maybe it can help you as well.
Release
The wind’s howl graces my naked skin making my body shiver, as I grace this peaceful beach. I feel the rocks and sand being collected by my wandering toes. The only footprints I see are the ones that have been made by me. I’m the only one who knows of this peaceful beach. The migrating seagulls fly above me in the murky, troubled sky, and I hear their aching, passing cries. They fly swiftly through the wind, never edging downwards; as if they have been instructed to disregard this peaceful beach. Why have you been abandoned, dear? I look ahead and I see the waves and the shore dancing beautifully. My ears are fulfilled with the sound of the crashing sea, making its way towards me.
Like the siren to the brain, my body is signaling me to the sea. My heart longs to experience what some call freedom, but my mind is restricting me. It’s binding my body with a taut rope, stretching and tearing at my bare skin. The troubled sky intensifies as the thunder’s roar surrounds me. The lightning strikes a bright smile every minute and every second. My legs are weakened by the heavy wind, and I fall onto my knees. I’m trying to hold onto the sand and rocks beneath me. However, when my hands meet the sand it dissolves into liquid and travels to meet the sea. I see the chaotic sky closing in on me; I inhale. I inhale my doubts, my fears, my worries, and my tears. I inhale taking in every drop of oxygen. I no longer know how to breathe; I must release.
Through the eye of the storm, I see the peaceful sea flowing quietly. It’s parting a path for me, welcoming me home. Strength transpires somewhere inside me and I brace myself to stand. As I walk the thunder becomes silent, and the lightning doesn’t show its smile anymore. I’m on my way to meet the sea, that has been signaling me. My feet touch the shore and my body is warmed instantly. As I continue to make my way into the sea, my legs are lifted without a ground to stand on. My body is hidden in the water, and I lower my head and become afloat. I look up at the sky and I see that it is no longer troubled. The sun appears peeking through the clouds, saying hello to me. In return, I smile at the sun, and I let his beaming rays recharge me. The seagulls, who were told to never land on this beach, have returned. They watch me float in the sea.
My mind is at rest now, it’s no longer thinking. No longer pondering. No longer trying to control life. I can finally exhale. I exhale my doubts. I exhale my fears. I exhale my tears. I let go of everything. Release me sea. Release me, dear peaceful beach.
In November of 2019, Safiya Nygaard, one of my favorite YouTube content creators, got married. I’m the type of person to get attached to celebrities and fictional characters (aka people I don’t actually know), so watching someone I’d been subscribed to for years get married made me very emotional. So emotional, in fact, that I just had to write about it!
For most of 2019, Safiya’s videos were wedding related. She tried wedding dresses from Wish, had a McDonald’s wedding in Hong Kong, and baked a wedding cake with over 30 different cake flavors mixed together. But among these fun videos were also more serious ones. Her now-husband, Tyler Williams (another YouTube content creator), vlogged the process of buying Safiya a ring and proposing to her. Safiya also uploaded a video following the process of her getting a custom made wedding dress.
And then on January 5th of 2020, Safiya uploaded a video titled “Our Wedding | Safiya & Tyler”.
I’m going to be honest, I cried. I cried a lot. I’m a sucker for sweet, sappy things and that’s all the video was. Both of them looked beautiful and the decorators were gorgeous and the whole thing was just amazing!
Anyway, things about their wedding really struck a chord with me. Firstly, the decorations. Safiya had been teasing potential decorations and themes for months, but finally seeing everything come together was just magical!
It really made me reconsider my feelings towards the weddings I’ve been too. Safiya and Tyler’s wedding put the other weddings to shame.
The second thing was Safiya and Tyler’s first dance.
In the 1993 film Addams Family Values, Gomez and Morticia Addams dance an elaborate version of the Tango during one of their dates. It included many moves that were complicated and even edited in post.
For their first dance as a married couple, Safiya and Tyler decided to recreate the dance step by step. It was nothing short of awesome!
I mentioned that I can get overly attached to celebrities and fictional characters, and I feel the need to explain that more. I discovered Safiya during a time in my life when I wasn’t exactly happy. Safiya’s uploads always brightened my day. Whether she was dressing like it was 1987 or mixing all of her eyeshadows together, they always made me smile. Although I’m happier now, I still enjoy her content and she still holds a special place in my heart. Seeing her so happy at her wedding was heartwarming, to say the least.
According to Instagram, Safiya and Tyler are at home with their cat, Krusty, happily married. That honestly sounds like the perfect ending/beginning of this chapter in their lives.
From the title of this blog post, it sounds like I’m going to write about something deep and insightful— when in reality, It’s just the title of my one person play. I’ve already written like 3 plays and this one was one of the hardest due to it only containing one character. It’s only one page, but it was still hard lol. I thought it would be cool to share and I hope you enjoy it:)
Character: Dave is a young man in his late 20s, who is naturally irritable, pessimistic, and over dramatic. He comes from a comfortable background and has a problem of spending too much money, which causes him to come off as spoiled, leading everyone to dislike him.
At rise: DAVE, wearing a ripped business suit with his coat tied around his head, is stranded on a desert island. It is mid morning and the sun is shining unbearably bright. There is an open suitcase beside him with clothes in it and spewed across the desert sand.
Lights up: soft sound of waves crashing in the background and bright lighting on stage. DAVE is sitting criss-cross in the middle of the floor, staring into the audience.
DAVE
Well, this is where I live. (Sighs.) It’s been about a week now of being abandoned… or a couple of months. I really can’t remember, but that’s just what happens with this kind of situation. Time becomes irrelevant and it all blurs together as your brain slowly deteriorates. It seems as though my only friends betrayed me and left me here to die just this morning… but I think it was— How long have I been here?
HE starts to look around the island.
I mean, surely there’s something that could help me figure out how long I’ve been stranded. That way I can keep track of the days until… (looks into the audience again for dramatic effect.) I die.
DAVE stands up and begins to pace back and forth.
Ya know… now that I think about it, I haven’t had anything to eat since I’ve been here and I’m already seeing severe side effects such as a headache… (rests HIS hand on HIS head in pain) Or maybe that’s just where my friends threw my suitcase at me… either way, it’s a side effect. And this sun definitely isn’t helping with my whole dehydration process, that if i’m right, should be happening now seeing as I’ve probably been here for almost a month. It’s only a matter of time before I starve and start dying a slow and painful death without ever getting to say goodbye to my friends. (A beat) wait. Who am I kidding? I don’t have friends. They don’t care about me… Maybe death won’t be the worst thing aftera— No Dave! You won’t let death get the better of you. Look at me! (shakes HIS head.) I’m already losing myself to the high possibility that I’m going to die any second. I have got to get off this island!
HE starts to prepare his suitcase and pick up his clothes spewed across the island dripping with water and immediately drops them.
Wait… these clothes are still wet from when my suitcase was thrown into the ocean after I was… and it hasn’t rained since I’ve been here… and come to think of it, I really don’t recall ever spending a night here… Dear god… I haven’t even been here a full day!
As some of you may know, the Grammys aired this past weekend and the guests popped off! From Tyler, the Creator to Brandi Carlisle, celebrity after celebrity filed in. And the performances were to die for! So many amazing artists stepped forward and claimed the stage, if not only for a few minutes. But, the best part of it all to me was Demi Lovato’s performance. After her almost 4 year hiatus, she debuted a beautiful, raw piece of artwork, titled Anyone. I want to completely break this song down for you.
I tried to talk to my piano
I tried to talk to my guitar
Talk to my imagination
… I tried and tried and tried some more
Told secrets ’til my voice was sore
Tired of empty conversation
‘Cause no one hears me anymore
Here, she is saying that she tried to channel this emotion into music, into anything, but all she’s doing is trying. “Told secrets ’til my voice was sore” can mean that she told secrets to her guitar and piano, that’s how I understood it, but it’s up to the listener to interpret that. The lines following that mean what they say. She’s tired of empty conversation, or small talk, because she feels as if that isn’t helping her. No one truly hears her.
A hundred million stories
And a hundred million songs
I feel stupid when I sing
Nobody’s listening to me
Nobody’s listening I talk to shooting stars But they always get it wrong I feel stupid when I pray So, why am I praying anyway? If nobody’s listening.
“A hundred million stories and a hundred million songs” is a hyperbole for how many songs she has released, beings that she has been in the music business since she was a teenager. “I feel stupid when I sing/Nobody’s listening to me” is very powerful when you take into account that she has been singing since she was a toddler. Singing has been her life and the fact that she feels stupid doing what she’s always done because she feels as if no one is listening is genuinely heartbreaking.
“I talk to shooting stars/ But they always get it wrong” is one of my personal favorites. She is saying that she’s been praying, that she’s been “talking to the stars” but they haven’t been working. That they haven’t been doing right. “I feel stupid when I pray…Nobody’s listening” details her doubt in the fact that anyone, anything, is indeed, listening. That’s the deepest type of loneliness, honestly. The feeling that the one person that you have worshipped since birth isn’t there anymore. No matter who or what you may pray to, that is the ultimate form of heartbreak.
Anyone, please send me anyone
Lord, is there anyone?
I need someone
She’s lonely and just needs that shoulder to cry on. That’s it. There is no deeper meaning other than she needs someone to be there for her and understand her and just listen to everything. She’s being weighed down by whatever it is she needs to say, and “nobody’s listening”.
I used to crave the world’s attention
I think I cried too many times
I just need some more affection
Anything to get me by
This is the last verse before everything repeats and she really hit hard with it. “I used to crave the world’s attention” could be deciphered as her crying out for help and no one hearing it or it can be deciphered as her wanting someone, anyone to hear her. “I just need some more affection/ Anything to get me by” is one of the best, most powerful lines in this entire song. Her intent is clear. She wants affection. A hug. A shoulder to cry on. A conversation that focuses on how she feels and what she says. Anything to help her feel less lonely.
Everything in this song points to loneliness and feeling muted. The pure emotion in her voice when she performed it just makes this song all the more powerful and beautiful. Overall, a masterpiece.
My last remark is that I hope she feels heard, because we are all listening now.
I’m back, and today, you’re going to be getting some male fashion perspective, and he just happens to be one of my favorite people! Keep reading to get a “taste” of what goes on behind the scenes of MJ Coleman‘s signature fashion statements.
On this look, I was actually on a field trip with Coleman celebrating the day of racial healing. Here’s what he had to say about this look, “I figured if we were going to that particular event, I didn’t wanna wear, like, super dark colors, but I also didn’t wanna wear too, too bright colors, that would distract from what we were talking about. But, I wanted to wear something that would catch people’s attention without being flashy.”
“When I put clothes together, I find something that I really, really wanna wear, like on that day, I really wanted to wear those shoes. So, I had to find clothes to go with the shoes. That’s mostly how I pick my outfits. Or if it’s a particular scarf I wanna wear, I’ll center my whole outfit on that scarf.” In this photo, I noticed that Coleman had a number of rings and a necklace paired with his outfit. This is his response to how he accessorizes his ensembles, “Well, I wear the rungs every day whether I’m dressed up or not. And the necklace, that just kinda… it depend on the look I’m going for that day. Like a business casual look, I’m not gon’ put on 12 necklaces, but if I’m going for a really flashy look, I will. That day, the colors were neutral, and not really bright, so I didn’t wanna wear a lot of jewelry. That just looks weird… dull colors with big, bright, gold jewelry… no.”
You may not be able to see the pattern of the pants, so I included a close-up photo of a pair of pants similar to Coleman’s. Here’s what Coleman said about infamous, embroidered pants, “I bought ’em because I knew nobody else here was gon’ have ’em. They were $100, and I knew nobody was gon’ pay $100 for them pants; that’s why I bought ’em.” When Coleman revealed how much he paid for these pants, my jaw DROPPED. If you’ve read the fashion blog I did on myself, you should know that I am very… frugal, to put it nicely (haha). So, I asked Coleman why he didn’t just DIY his pants. I mean, all it would’ve taken was some cheap, navy blue pants, and some iron-on patches. To this he responded, “I could have… but POLO did it for me.” (And I oop-) Coleman then went on to say his entire outfit was by POLO… except his shirt, which was Hanes. Now, he’s speaking my language. Coleman says, “My mama bought me those shoes, so I had to find something to go with the shoes because I don’t wear yellow, but I was like, ‘These pants got a lil’ yellow in ’em. Let me get ’em.’ And the shoes got a white base around the sides, so I put on a plain white t-shirt because I didn’t wanna have on an extra shirt because the pants make enough statement.”
About this look, Coleman says, “I was scared of pulling that one, but I’m glad I did.” (Me too!) “I got that shirt from Amazon. I was actually looking for turtlenecks, but I didn’t wanna go to a really expensive store, so I looked on Amazon, and I got the best sellers. ”
What is your opinion on men in fashion?
Um, I really like when dudes take pride in what they look like. And I hate when boys feel like putting on a collared shirt and some khaki pants is dressing up because it’s not.” (Period!) “That’s like 2007 dressing up, and we’re in 2020, so I mean, I also feel like you don’t have to spend a million dollars to care about what you look like. I just feel like everybody has their own niche, their own style. They just have to tap it into it. Some people really live off of Walmart clothes, but you would never know. Not me, but some people. I shop at the big stores, but I’m saying that everybody doesn’t have to do that.” By “big stores” Coleman means, “Dillard’s, Macy’s, ExpressMen…”.
With this outfit, I was really curious to know how Coleman made a fairly simple outfit look so stylish. This is what he said, “I really wanted to wear that shirt, but I didn’t feel like dressing up that day, so I put on jeans, but I also wanted to make a statement, so I put on the jeans with holes in them. And then, it was cold as I don’t know what outside, so I put on boots.”
This look is one of my FAVORITE looks. I mean, from the embroidered flowers on the collar to the red shoes— a ‘fit! “This day, I was at school, and I wanted to pull a look that day. But I wanted to pull a look, but I didn’t wanna do too much, so I just put on black and white. And then, I was like ‘Ew’. Because I actually hate black and white… everybody wears that. So I had to put a little pop of color in there with the red shoes.
I don’t know about you guys, but this was one of my favorite interviews to do. It was really nice to hear fashion perspective from a male’s point of view.
Up Next:
Since February is Black History Month, I will be doing my blogs for the month based on that. The same goes for March with Women’s History Month, so the fashion series has to come to a halt. But rest assured that this is not goodbye but see you later. The fashion series WILL continue in April!
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(:
(main album cover)
(1983)
(main album cover…Roland (left) and Curt (right))
(official album cover…my favorite)
(Ugh, true art)
