So, anyone who knows me knows that the MSA production of “Lost Girl” by Kimberly Belflower threw me for several loops. Reactions including but not limited to: An entire poetry collection, including a 100+ line self portrait, an entire identity crisis (Short lived and easily resolved but still), and a little too close relation to the character of Wendy. That play made me take a good, long look at several core aspects of myself and my emotions, and put me through an emotional spectrum I haven’t felt in a very long time; the hallmark of truly great art. Naturally, it earns this month’s analysis.
DISCLAIMER: I am not giving a summary and reading further could spoil the play. Read at your own discretion. : )
The first fantastic aspect of this play is the way that it utilizes Peter Pan himself. Peter is built up as this great big concept, while so rarely being portrayed on stage. Such tactics are not uncommon in storytelling, particularly playwriting, but it’s done explicitly well here. Peter, conflated with the concept of himself Wendy has formed in her own memory and attached herself to, grows to represent and play the part of things much bigger than he could ever be. He’s the memory of Wendy’s last moments of joy, the now past concept of who she was, the personification of the only love she’s ever felt. He’s freedom, hope, love itself, happiness personified. But, when he finally comes back on stage, he’s simply Peter. He can’t, wasn’t, and won’t ever be any of those things, and the inevitable and wordless disappointment that comes with realizing this is the key catalyst to Wendy’s eventual recovery, which just happens to be one of the best utilizations of the concept I’ve seen in quite a while.
Another absolutely stunning aspect of this play is Belflower’s use of visual/conceptual metaphor. For example, the most obvious is the window in Wendy’s room. Throughout the whole play, in a show of persistence and pointless hope, Wendy keeps the window open, even when the cold air makes her sick. She does this from the day she returns as a child to the day she sees Peter again and begins to let go. When she realizes Peter can never be what she needs him to be, she asks him to leave and closes the window. She lets go of her hope. It’s the single most fitting ending I’ve ever seen. Other examples of masterful metaphor in the production is Wendy’s kiss, symbolizing anything from purity to happiness, as well as the bedroom itself, which is symbolic of Wendy’s past and her unwillingness to leave it. The play is packed full of masterful metaphors.
Finally, the best thing about this play, as with many, is the monologues, specifically Wendy’s. There are many instances I can, and will if prompted, go on and on about, but for the sake of word count I’m going to focus on one. That monologue is the one that is repeated/modified throughout the play. The infamous “I give myself eight minutes a day to think about him.” Throughout the production, Wendy delivers a version of this same monologue to the audience to benchmark where she is in her progress of letting go. It’s also her final monologue before she sees Peter again. The entire thing is always a wonderfully crafted literary masterpiece, but the mere concept of someone spending so much time in a certain thought process that they have a defined way to think about their own thoughts speaks for itself. The monologue is beautiful, truly.
Honorable mention to the use of the chorus/other girls. It’s truly one of the best writing tactics I’ve seen in a long time, and Belflower uses it masterfully.
Now, with all of that being said, I’ll close out now. Thank you for listening to my “Lost Girl” tangents, and I’ll see you next month!
hello! this month, i’ll be talking about my favorite app–letterboxd. it’s a place where you can log, rate, and review every movie you’ve ever seen and even make lists of of movies you’d like to see. it combines my favorite things in the world–movies, analyzing, and list-making. in honor of my appreciation for the app, i’ll be listing some of my reviews to give y’all a sample of what letterboxd is like.
this, for me, is what documentary filmmaking (especially indie) is all about. a heartbreaking, raw, and sometimes hilarious picture of the lives of two very peculiar people. i love the low-budget look and quality. it’s provides an oddly comforting, fitting feel. every choice feels deliberate and perfect, right down to the title cards and closing credits. sean donnelly deserves way more credit for this. if you enjoyed this film, check out its website! it’s got cool bonus info and pictures.
i don’t completely remember watching this. i just remember enjoying it and thinking colin firth did a great job. imagine my surprise when i found that he is in no way, shape, or form in this movie. no clue where i got that from. good movie, though!
never knew how badly i needed to see stockard channing and sandra bullock do witchcraft with stevie nicks in the background. perfect, warm, comforting. smilled so big my face hurts.
heartbreaking in the very best way. something about them felt doomed from the start, but i rooted for them every step of the way. i absolutely love the dialogue in this film, to the point where i found myself typing notes as i watched. i’ll definitely be rewatching this movie as soon as i mop up all the tears from my floor.
equal parts tragic and hilarious. a beautiful, messy story of two incredible women who thrive together. perhaps the best casting of a duo i’ve ever seen. God bless susan sarandon.
wow, people really hate this movie. personally, it might be my favorite in the franchise other than the original. i think that it managed to cut through the bullshit of the rest of the series and get back to the heart of what truly makes it so effective—the character-driven plot. halloween is so effective in making the audience fall in love with its characters—laurie, dr. loomis, even michael. and this movie, for me, is no exception. i definitely understand why many people didn’t like this film. most think that there wasn’t enough of michael, and that made it weak. i don’t feel that way. in my mind, halloween is and always was laurie’s story. and this was the perfect ending to it.
thanks for reading!
random keanu picture to sum up the past month of my life
Hello everyone, and welcome back to my blog! This week we’re moving on to one of my other favorite bands (out of the thousands). We’ll be analyzing the story beneath the lyrics of the song Spillways, which is one of my favorite tracks on the Impera album. I won’t be explaining the band Ghost to you all because that would take up all of my content, but I recommend figuring them out for yourself! Though I will say that they have a lot of religious imagery, but it’s not used in the way you think.
So, in an interview with Genius, Tobias Forge, the creative mind, composer, and lead singer behind Ghost, described the song as “an elegy for the darkness that most people have inside. When you have a dam, spillways are the run-offs so the dam won’t overflow. That darkness inside us needs to find its way out.” So, we’ll take that idea and run deeper with it. Let’s look at the lyrics and you can also click the link below to follow along!
“Through benediction You tried to rid your mind of malediction But through all this time You try to peel it off, and it is such a ride
This stanza begins the song with the words benediction and malediction, which are almost opposites. Benediction is defined as a bestowing of a blessing, and malediction is defined as a curse. So, in this story, the narrator is singing about someone who goes to church or any religious event to try and get clean or get rid of all their internal curses and evil urges.
All your faith, all your rage All your pain, it ain’t over now And I ain’t talking about forgiveness All your faith, all your rage All your pain, it ain’t over now
So, in the chorus here, it talks about rage, pain, and, most important of all, rage. He says that it isn’t over and that forgiveness isn’t even relevant in the conversation. It’s emphasizing the maleducative feelings from before that lead into the next stanza and referencing the forgiveness that is a big part of who god is amongst many religions.
It is the cruel beast that you feed It is your burning yearning need to bleed Through the spillways
The term cruel beast could be speaking about the beast inside the person’s mind, or if we take the religious route, it would be speaking in terms of the devil. Either way, the “burning yearning need to bleed” speaks of the person’s dire need to purge themselves of those evil and negative thoughts that metaphorically feed the beast through the spillways, which are devices used to ensure that dams don’t overflow and cause detrimental damage.
You keep a casket buried deep within You try to mask it, but fall back in sin You want to shake it off, but you are stuck inside
The casket spoken of here is the darkness or sins mentioned prior. It’s an inescapable and unforgivable condition. They bury it deep within and try their best to mask those dark or sinful urges, yet they always go back to those old ways no matter how hard they try.
Through the spillways of your soul
The chorus repeats itself at the end a few times, but I noticed that this line had been added. The spillways of your soul would be the darkness that flows out in small portions to keep the big stuff from overflowing. The spillways of this person’s soul keep them from committing bigger and more evil sins by allowing them to spill out more minor sins despite the guilt that the person feels for “feeding the beast.”
That’s the end folks! Thank you for reading this month, and keep an eye out for next month’s blog. <3
Since this is the week that we are coming back from Thanksgiving for this week’s blog all want to interview somebody on what they are thankful for this week, I have Jilli Grace here to talk about how much she loves Stranger Things.
So Jilli, what made you want to watch stranger things?
“I wanted to watch Stranger Things because all my friends were watching it 1 and 2 because I saw like the growing popularity of it, especially over this summer and I wanted to see what this is about and so yeah that’s pretty much why also because I saw Joe Keery and Joseph Quinn and I thought they were fine.”
What is your favorite thing about Stranger Things?
“I just really like the vibe of Stranger Things. I like the 80s feel. I like listening to music that I grew up with; it makes me feel nostalgic. I also like the men, mainly Joseph Quinn. Yeah, he’s adorable. He’s my man, and I want to marry him. You know when I first liked the promo picture I thought he was ugly and then I started watching it and realized how charismatic he was and that’s why I fell in love because he’s so cute but yeah just because of the 80s vibe, the music, and the men.”
Who is your favorite character from Stranger Things?
“I have multiple favorite characters in stranger things. The first one is Nancy wheeler I just resonate with her a lot. My next one is Eddie love him so much even though he’s dead I still love him and you know he plays that guitar so well like oh my God Master of Puppets thing was so good did you know that Joseph Quinn played that live on set? I just think that’s so cool. My next favorite character is Eleven I know that’s basic but I just love Eleven. Plus Millie Bobby Brown’s my age .”
Would you recommend that people watch Stranger Things?
“I guess I really just depends on the person. If you want to watch kids running around, doing stuff, and going on adventures, then yeah. If you want the 80s vibe about it, yeah, but if that’s not for you, it’s not for you, and you know what, that’s okay. It’s okay that you don’t want to watch Stranger Things, but some of the crazies in the fandom will get you but I won’t get you because I’m cool like that .”
Recently, I watched a movie with a friend of mine. Totally captivated by the plot, of course I sought out a book to match. Something about the coming-of-age murder-mystery had me intrigued, and as a true Literary artist does, I wanted to find the written text to match the piece of media I had been so interested in.
So of course, I went to my mother, the librarian, knowing that she had either read the book, or knew where to find it. And of course, she had one I could borrow.
Now, one may ask, Adele how can you write a first impressions blog about a plot you have already seen? Now, that. That is a wonderful question, and in response to that wonderful question I want to mention the infinite ways that movies and the books that they are based on are different. In reality, It is incredibly hard to bring all of the beautiful aspects that make up an original text into a two-hour rendition of the same plot.
Synopsis:
Where the Crawdads Sing is a coming-of-age murder mystery about a young outcast that lives in the southern marshes, aptly nicknamed Marsh Girl, who is accused of the murder of a local handsome, young man. The intertwining story lines take the reader on a journey that has the audience questioning everything they know.
First Impressions:
From the first chapter, the most striking part of the text is the beautiful imagery the author uses to describe the southern marsh, which many people would not view as such. Owens opens on a jolting scene that really sticks with the reader. The scene where the main character, Kya, watches her mother walk down the dirt road away from their humble home on the marsh, never to be seen by the family again. The only indication that she has left for good being her alligator skin shoes and the carpet bag in her hand.
In this chapter, the time jumps to heartwarming memories between her mother and herself, and eventually back to a memory of her and her siblings. The chapter really does a good job of showing what her core values are and how the family unit Kya was born into is damaged.
She is the youngest of five siblings, and her father is a horrid, neglectful man. This fact made the impact of her mother leaving her earlier in the chapter even more heartbreaking.
Overall, I really enjoyed the emotion put into this first chapter, and I definitely am excited to keep reading.
Assumptions:
Okay, since I have already watched the movie I am going to skip out on this part of our regularly scheduled programming.
I am so excited to get into this novel, especially since it merges two of my favorite genres, and a setting that has so much depth. There are hundreds of ways that this book will definitely be different than the movie that I watched, so I am not going in with any expectations as to how they will be the same.
Recently, I one of my favorite hobbies is to hit “generate” on a random poetry generator. More times than not, I find myself liking a poem, but not really relating to them. But the other day I found this poem that I became obsessed with.
Some of my favorite poems are the ones that portray mundanity in a way that carries over to almost anyone who reads it. This poem is slightly a different variation of a portrayal of mundanity. In this poem, Elizabeth Hands tackles explaining her family dynamic in a way that many can relate to. Throughout the poem, she shows the reader how even in her own family, she often feels as if there is no real connection.
One of the lines that really stuck with me was when Hand states,
“O what a strange parcel of creatures are we, Scarce ever to quarrel, or even agree; We all are alone, though at home altogether”
Through these words Hand perfectly sums up the feeling of monotony that comes with her family’s perfectly “fine” relationship. She shows how the in between that her family’s interactions reside in is often lonely, because it results in the unintentional distancing from each other.
I think this poem really speaks to the time we are in. Especially with the way technology consumes us today, many times you can feel alone while in a room full of people. Elizabeth Hand really connected this feeling in a later portion of poem too.
“Like social companions we never fall out, Nor ever care what one another’s about; To comfort each other is never our plan, For to please ourselves, truly, is more than we can.”
This line ends the poem on such a relatable note. At first I only thought about the poem on surface level and didn’t think I could relate to it. I have a wonderful family, and most of the time, I feel like we are all very connected to one another. But as a reread this poem I realized that it speaks to so much more than what it was intentionally written to mean.
This poem really captures the energy of how many of Gen Z feel when surrounded by our older family members. We, as a highly technological generation, have formed a sort of disconnect with the older generations unintentionally. Because we are so enraptured by the technology and all the information we have at the tip of our fingers, many times we forget to connect with our families and friends physically. We forget the importance of human connection.
I think this really speaks to the reach of art and how even after decades, art can speak to anyone.
howdy, guys! in this blog, i’ll be talking about some movies i watched recently that i absolutely love. some i watched over the summer and some during the first few weeks of school whenever i’ve had time, and i’ll be sharing a few of the highlights here! it goes without saying that elvis (2022) belongs on this list, but i already did a blog on it, so it’s not here. (and, hey, you know the drill–no spoilers and no particular order.)
terms of endearment (1983)
y’all…i don’t even have words for this movie. it’s one of my mom’s favorites, so we watched it together one night this summer, and i literally could hardly sleep after it because i just could not stop thinking about it. it’s the sweetest, most heartwarming movie ever but it’s also gut-wrenchingly sad. terms is so extremely relatable to me with my relationship with my mom and how i imagine myself as a mother. it paints a gorgeous, truthful picture of the challenging transition from girlhood to womanhood with unflinching empathy and humor. i actually rewatched it with my roommate last night and sobbed uncontrollably in spurts for the rest of the night. if you like steel magnolias, this is the movie for you. shirley maclaine is so wonderful, it’s my favorite jack nicholson role, and don’t even get me started on debra winger. the talent is unbelievable here. please, please give this one a chance. i’m so glad that i did.
girl, interrupted (1999)
this is a movie that i’ve always wanted to watch but have been saving for just the right time. ever since i first heard of it, i knew that i would love it because the cast, subject matter, and overall aesthetic just seemed like something crafted just for me. even the soundtrack has some of my favorite songs ever. i was definitely right. i’ve never related more to a movie in my life. to spare you from an extremely long rant about how much i love this movie, i’ll just include a brief review that i recently wrote for it:
“as someone who has suffered from a mental disorder my entire life, and as a young woman, this movie was a huge step forward in my healing process. it held a mirror to my flaws and to my strengths, it made me realize that i am not alone, and it helped me to connect with the other women in my life who love this film for the same reasons. so, yes, i do hate to see this film written off as an exploitative romanticism of the mentally ill because, for me, it’s the best representation of life with my disorder.
i understand and respect why some people feel inaccurately represented or offended by this film; but that simply wasn’t my experience with it. mental illness, especially amongst young women, is grossly misunderstood and often polarizing—girl, interrupted is a prime example of that. it’s far from perfect—it’s melodramatic, grimy, and sometimes over-the-top.
that being said, i do think it’s something everyone should form their own opinion about. i’ve read reviews saying that no one with mental illnesses could ever relate to this or act the way the characters do, which is extremely harmful, because, when i watched this, i related to it so vividly. harsh generalizations like the ones in those reviews are counterproductive and just as invalidating as the film was to the people who wrote them. so, please, takemy opinion as well as any others you read with a grain of salt—watch this movie for yourself.”
the eyes of tammy faye (2021)
i was super excited when the ads for this movie came out, and i couldn’t wait to see it in theatres, but it sadly never came to any near me, and i didn’t hear much about it, so i assumed it wasn’t very good or something. i was so, so very wrong. as a longtime fan of both andrew garfield and jessica chastain and someone extremely interested in the topic of religious scandal, i enjoyed this movie more than i can say. jessica just totally captures tammy’s beautiful spirit, and the film is a wonderful love letter to the amazing person she was and the…less than amazing person jim is. this movie is campy, glitzy, heartfelt, and brilliant–just like tammy faye was. may her spirit live on forever.
dolores claiborne (1995)
this has got to be one of the most tragically underrated stephen king adaptations ever. admittedly, i can understand why, though. this movie does move at a fairly slow pace. even i didn’t watch it all in one sitting. so, why did i love it so much? two words–kathy. bates. she is such a genius. easily one of the best actresses of all time, and horror is a specialty of hers. at first, i was unsure of jennifer jason leigh’s direction with her performance, but the further i got into the film, the more i understood the merit of what she was doing and just how well she was doing it. i think that when we watch something by king, we expect it to be upfront horror, but this is more of a slow-burning psychological terror. in the past, i’ve been a critic about king’s portrayal of women and still am, but in this particular case, i was pleasantly surprised. i found it extremely relatable in many ways, and the dynamics between the female characters are nothing short of brilliant. this is an amazing story of revenge, motherhood, and women sticking together. the ending makes everything make sense, every slow moment necessary and worth the watch. i cannot wait to watch it again, knowing what i know now. it’s super quotable, too. i have notebook pages full of the dialogue from this movie. just so, so good.
well, if you made it this far, thanks for reading! a neat thing about this list is that it also kinda doubles as a good list of movies every feminist should watch. all these stories contain strong, powerful women and their journeys, and i highly recommend them for both educational and inspirational enjoyment! see y’all next time!
as a treat for making it through that blog, here’s a picture that represents my mental state at the time of writing it:
But I came in at 12, just in case she finished up early
I’d rather be safe than end up sorry
Her time is money, so she cannot wait
I took my seat on the chair against the wall
One of the few chairs that weren’t drowned in hair
I looked in front of me at the pictures
I wonder what’s the story behind them
I listen to the scissors performance
The music ends, and she says that it’s my turn
She dusts the hair away and I sit down
But the hairless chair failed to last long
One thing that I love about poetry is the ability to tell a story in such a few amount of words. Poetry has always been something that I naturally have a love for. There are many different kinds of poetry. Some kinds follow a distinct set of rules, while other times you can just do whatever you want. I appreciate the amount of freedom that poetry allows a person to have. You can express anything that you want too with multiple stanzas or just a few lines. I typically like to rhyme in my poems, but I chose not to in this one. Rhyming comes so natural to me and it just so fun to do, but I also like the way that a poem does not have to rhyme. The possibilities are truly endless. I find that I am able to write best when I have a specific idea in my head. I can not think on an idea for too long, and try to create something that was never there in the first place. I have to already know exactly what I want to execute before I actually start on my piece. It helps things flow more smoothly for me. Writing drafts is a great way to get all of my ideas down. Sometimes at night I will have a random burst of inspiration, so I will open my notes app on my phone and write out everything until I feel like I have a stable base for one of my pieces. The prompt for this poem was to write about a distinct setting, and for some reason the idea of writing about a hair salon seemed so perfect to me. When I wrote this poem I had hair that was all the way down my back that I just didn’t know how to love any more. I dyed it, I cut bangs, I gave myself layers, but nothing ever satisfied me for long. I damaged my hair in the process and I knew that I had to let it go sooner or later. My hair meant everything to me, so cutting it off was something that was far from easy. It took a few months to detach myself from its hold, but once I did I knew that I was ready. When I cut my hair off I felt nothing but relief. It felt good to have a fresh start. I cut off 17 years worth of hair and I regret nothing. So if you have to take one thing away from my poem, it’s do whatever you want with your hair. Remember that it will always come back, so if you’ve ever thought about dying it a new color, cutting bangs, or going completely bald, do it. It will all come back one day.
I’ll just be calling the book IEAG for short, as the full title is The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Ancient Grece, an Authoritative Account of Greek Military and Political Power, Architecture, Sculpture, Art, Drama, and Philosophy; (Written by Nigel Rodgers.)
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As per Locklyn’s comment on my first blog post of the year, I will be talking about art, love, war and society in this post. We start on page 476, titled Drinking Together, Symposia and Bars. Symposion literally means ‘drinking together,’ by the way. Anyway, a symposium was an event catered to socialization and drinking. (The only alcohol the Ancient Greeks consumed was wine, so that was what they drank.) Symposiums could be started with celebrations of sporting events- or simply a friend coming by uninvited. The nights’ entertainment at the most luxurious symposiums were dancers, flute girls, and serving boys. Sex was shown to be common throughout these parties, and I cannot continue past that because this blog will not be posted if I do.
“A symposium otok place in a house’s andron (‘men’s room’), a special windowless room on the ground floor. Its floor was raised at the walls, against which couches were arranged.” We’re ignoring the weird windowless room thing; I assume that was for ambiance. What we will instead focus on are the reclining couches. If you have ever seen images painted, drawn, or reconstructed still-lifes, you will see Greek men reclining back on couches. (The Romans and Etruscans also copied this dining method.) Many things would happen if you were to attend one of these symposiums. First, your sandals would be removed by slaves. You might be adorned with flowers and have oil smeared onto your body before being shown to a couch, which you would share with another man. You would eat the food mainly with your fingers, throwing your scraps to the floor where the dogs would eat them.
That entire scenario only happens if you’re a male born into an important, rich Greek family. What would you do if you did not have the funds to throw a grand party? You would socialize in a bar/tavern called a kapeleion. “Citizens could eat snacks and buy wine in flasks to take away along with torches to light their way home through Athens’ unlit streets.” If I were to equate these kapeleions to anything, it would be to a modern British pub. Brawls and riots broke out often, if not at least small disturbances.
I can’t fully discuss the topic of sexuality within the Ancient Greek world, but I can give you this quote from IEAG; “Ancient Greece was once seen as a sexual arcadia where happy pagans, free from Christain restraint, enjoyed sex in ways damned by the Bible or law. In particular, homosexuality, male and female, was openly celebrated. Such views of Greece as a homosexual paradise owe as much to fantasy as to reality.” In simple words, the Greeks didn’t have the same ideals about sexuality that we do now. Bisexuality was the unspoken norm, but not how we might think. Please look this up further, as I cannot discuss it.
Flowering is one of my favorite albums of all time. Toru Kitajima, from J-Rock band 凛として時雨 (Rin Toshite Sigure), is, in my opinion, one of the greatest Japanese lyricists and musicians of the modern era. Best known for “Unravel” the first opening theme for the Tokyo Ghoul anime, he writes songs about the human condition, and what makes someone human.
The first song in Flowering is “Flower” (linked below)
“Flower” portrays the initial loss. It is a very reminiscent song, with lyrics such as (loosely translated, not perfect) “My past brightened when I met you” and “I live in a colorful dream-world I don’t want to end”. This song also, as shown in the second line quoted, deals with the denial stage of grief. Overall, this is my second-favorite song in the entire album.
Next, we have “Abnormal Trick”.
“Abnormal Trick” delves deeper into denial. The mourner does not want to accept the truth. This is shown with lyrics such as “Still hiding? What looked like secrets (don’t change) have pierced me” and “You can’t wake me up, me up/although someday I won’t be blamed for my sins,/Will I exist within?” . It, however, begins to fade into a form of acceptance with the line “Like a fool, I can’t change/Are the wonders destroyed by the unchangeable me still here? I want to see/I can’t wake me up, me up, me up” as the mourner begins to wish for freedom from their self-imposed catatonic state.
After this, comes the song “Haze” (linked below is the Egomaniac Feedback version, though it’s the same song.)
This song is about the hatred towards the world can feel when grieving. It showcases a sense of apathy. This can be found as early as the first stanza:
Somebody’s tears that fell from the sky
I don’t have any kindness to give to anyone
If you were to be consumed by darkness
Will a millimeter of me even glow?
Smile
This stanza seems to portray a sense of both derealization and apathy. It is likely that the tears referenced are the singers own, and the line “I don’t have any kindness to give anyone” speaks for itself in terms of portraying apathy. It also delves into how people who are grieving feel like they’re losing everything around them. This is shown in the third stanza:
Becoming lost while reminiscing
Losing everything that I touch
Everything is becoming shrouded by fog; I won’t hide anymore
However, the song shines a bit of hope with the fifth stanza, as TK sings:
There is no way I can change the world
But I can cut through the darkness
This portrays a sense of willpower. Even though one cannot regain what is lost, you can move forward with your life and be happy again.
After this comes the song “Phase to Phrase”:
This song portrays a sense of fault within the singer, and the idea that they are the reason everything is out of control. This is emphasized with the lyrics of the song:
A rotating phrase, I counted the motion1
It’s close enough to start pretending
There’s no turning back from lies
I become the disorder that draws close
Nobody wants themselves to be seen
Nobody wants themselves to be known
There’s no pain, nor sadness, and yet, and yet
What they don’t want others to know are frozen inside
What they don’t want others to know are killed inside
But then it all may disappear
Everybody could become, everybody could become, and yet, and yet
I become disorder
The singer says that everybody could become anything, and, despite his efforts, he becomes a chaos he cannot control. I believe that this is the peak of the self-loathing that can occur with grief. This song represents the upmost limit of his hatred for himself.
Next comes one of my favorite songs, “White Silence”:
This is the softest lyrical song in the album. It features Shione Yukawa for a portion of the song. This song is from a different perspective than the rest of the album, and is from the POV of the deceased. The song urges the mourner to move on. Showcased in the lyrics:
Remember them, the words you’ve forgotten
Don’t look for me, because I’m no longer here
I’ve been swept away
This is a stark contrast from the rest of the album, as oftentimes the singer refers to “you” in reference to being lost, instead of “I”. This song represents a transition into the next stage of the song, and the mourners life.
After this is “12th Laser”:
This song seems to be looking back on the previous songs. Once again in the perspective of the mourner, the song portrays the helplessness they felt when the person they are mourning first died. This is the first case of healing being shown.
Example lyrics for this are:
My heart couldn’t understand, a picture drawn by my left hand The unconveyable color of sadness A laser of memories beyond is shining through I could not escape
The first stanza (shown above) portrays the idea that they were trapped, and “could not escape”. The thing keeping them trapped was their inability to allow themselves to heal and move on.
“Film a Moment” the fifth song in the album, is another song that focuses on looking back.
It both looks back on the time when the deceased was still alive, and once again at the period of time that the mourner was at their worst. It discusses the way that time had felt like it stopped. The song also portrays the struggle between wanting to remember the precious moments forever and wanting to forget them completely. This is shown in the lyrics:
The you that I long for isn’t there
Perhaps there are no such miracles
film A moment, Fill the moment, Kill the moment
The world I hold in my hands is expressionless and silent
I want to see what lies beyond. Could I kill the future?
A finger, a dimly lit ghost of what’s left of you, turning red
If only I could steal the future you have filmed
Gently the secret signal floats away. You are laughing
Without emotion, blatant fiction
If only the future could be stolen
Memories are shining through, we met in a dream
Shining through, we met in a dream
And so, I wrote my name
I have become like time, will someone restore me?
Is that what I want?
The song feels almost like a blur, both musically and lyrically. The singer portrays a desperateness to become “whole” again; a desire to finally move on from their grief. However, they struggle to balance the happy memories and their future. This is what causes that “time freeze”.
The 8th song, “Daylily”, has no lyrics.
The daylily flower is a flower of many meanings, but the one most thematically correct would most likely be “forgetfulness and loss of memory”. It is a decision to forget everything and move on that way. A “bad” ending, though it’s not entirely over yet. It’s merely a step in the process.
After this comes the song “Fourth”.
This song is filled with a sense of yearning. The singer shows their desire to talk to the person they lost again, to experience the good times. The lyrics show this:
The sound of your footsteps echoed inside of me
What I found was something you hid at night – a secret song
Wishes made again and again in the night, can you see them?
Inside the night, you wouldn’t stop…letting go
The sound of the night’s wind…was so faint
Still unknown, the immeasurable light
Find it
The light in those hands
Listen to the sound that could be seen in those eyes
Tell me what could be seen in those eyes
These tears may go away if we can meet in the sorrowful night
The light that you carry All of it, all of it, all of it, all of it
Gather it…in those hands
Thereby the stars, are you smiling?
It is not desperate or rushed. It is filled with a sense of acceptance and finality. The singer understands that they cannot regain what is lost, but they have finally accepted it. They’ve realized that moving on is not forgetting, but living on in their name. It is bittersweet, filled with a sense of joy, yet also an understanding that it’s all over.
Finally, “Sound_am326 (Secret Track)”.
Once again a song with no lyrics, it is instead filled with acoustic guitar and piano. Reminiscent of all of the previous songs, namely “White Silence”, it represents a finality. It was made to be the closing track for the album, and fills that role excellently. It portrays all of the difficult feelings of mourning and moving on without a single word being sung.
This is, as I’ve stated before, one of my favorite albums of all time. Toru Kitajima did a phenomenal job with the composition and portrays the story of a person in mourning wonderfully. The title is very fitting, as the album tells a sort of “coming of age” story about accepting ones emotions and learning to feel again after a severe loss.
Thank you all for reading! Next time, I’ll be covering the album White Noise, and the story it tells.
