Clopin Trouillefou is a minor supporting character in the classic animated Disney movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame but is arguably the best and most important of them all. (And also the most attractive) He serves as the narrator for the film and is the first voice we hear. Without Clopin, there would BE no story of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. NONE.
Look at him. Yes, his clothes are poorly designed but that’s OKAY because his eccentric and radiant personality shines through the eye-bleeding attire and logic-defying mask. Seeing him on screen makes me so HAPPY because he instantly steals the show and makes sure that you know that he should have been the main character. Quasimodo? Never heard of him. Esmerelda? Irrelevant. Phoebus? Isn’t he from that Disney Channel show? One of the most memorable scenes of the movie is The Court of Miracles song. The imagery here definitely wouldn’t be allowed in Disney movies today (or most of Hunchback at all, really, but that’s for a serious post.)
The costume changes? Immpecable. If Clopin went to MSA it’s very clear he would be an absolutely phenomenal theatre. He shows such charisma on stage even when he’s about to execute the main characters. The contrast he shows at the beginning of the movie when he puts on a puppet show for children and when he is happily about to hang our protagonist is impressive. Truly, he is a man of talent. Not only is he a wonderful entertainer, he is also a talented swordfighter and master of disguise. Just by looking at him you can tell that he can do anything he sets his mind to. You can also tell that the rest of the Court of Miracles looks up to him as a leader, and it just adds to his list of many talents.
You’ve now witnessed the glory of the absolute best Disney character of all time. Graced by his presence, perhaps. You may not know that your life has been changed forever, but it has. You’ll never look at this shade of purple the same ever again. His dashing smile and eccentric charm will come to you in your darkest moments and lift you up. I sincerely believe that once you die, you are greeted by Clopin’s puppet show in the afterlife. It’s also almost morning and I’m staring at my reflection in my computer screen wondering how my life got to this point.
(I had a burst of inspiration to write a short sci-fi story about robots, so I decided to turn it into my blog posts for the time being. I ADORED writing this so I really hope you enjoy this as much as I did. 🙂 It hasn’t really been revised or proofread, so don’t make your first judgements so harsh!)
The walls of the facility creaked and groaned, as the tiles of the ceiling let go of the hands of their surrounding brothers and fell into the toxic water below. The bubbling sludge grabbed hold of their fiberglass bodies and dragged them into the burning swamp, turning its white glass fiber strands into drowned, black ash. The two HopperWare licensed robots stood and watched as the vomit colored water devoured its meal of company acoustical ceiling tiles in giant swallows.
“Ah,” Uttered a tall, slender robot with bright yellow plating, “it looks like this place is in much poorer condition than I thought.”
“Really, Chisa?” A shorter and more buff red robot said sarcastically. “For someone who was apparently designed for analysis and navigation, it really seems like you’re lacking in that field.”
“Oh, and what were you designed for again, lifting things?” Chisa snapped back, her rounded head spinning towards the two orange eyes of the labor robot.
The two watched as the facility continued to eat itself up, and the pale green overgrowth on the walls that almost painted the entire room shook from the wind coming in from the holes in the ceiling.
“Wait!” yelled a robotic voice from behind. As the clanking metal footsteps grew closer, a medium sized blue robot caught up to the other two and instantly rested its hands on its knees. “Sorry, I got lost.”
The larger red robot let out an automated chuckle and gave a shove towards Chisa. “Looks like someone wasn’t doing their job very well, huh Chis?” The navigation robot narrowed her large, yellow eye at this.
“I’m sorry, just let my fans catch up for a bit.” The blue robot panted, his metal suit design opening and closing vents on his sides. “I wasn’t built for this.”
“How about you do your job, then, 15?” The yellow robot looked at the construction robot, “Since you’re just oh so good at it.”
15 let out a machine-like grumble and opened up the plates to his side to reveal two forklift arms. “Get on, David.”
The blue robot turned his attention to 15, who stood looking pretty silly with his two regular arms protruding from the same sides the forklift ones were. With a little hesitation, David lowered himself onto 15, who lifted him up and walked closer to the sewage pit.
“This is humiliating.” Muttered David, his glasses-like eyes turning downwards.
The three HopperWare robots, after traveling through every floor, room, and tunnel of the HopperWare testing facility, finally stood facing one of the last chambers.
The yellow one, marked with black text around her neck spelling out “CH154” stood cross-armed at the gap. Her main body was made of grey metal, but her more vital parts were covered by bright yellow plating. Her hands weren’t as intricate as the other two’s, as she only sported two fingers and a thumb on each wrist; just enough to grab and open things, but not much else. She was tall, slender, and feminine, and it seemed as if the designers got a little too excited while designing her hips. She had one yellow eye installed in her dome-like head, which allowed her to rotate her vision 360°, but nowadays she used that function more for dramatic effect.
The red one, recognizable by his short stature and hefty body, hoisted up the blue striped robot with its forklift arms. His wide structure and multi-tool filled hands were a rusty red along with the rest of him, excluding the reflective orange stripes running down his torso and back. There were several pieces of graffiti on his body, and the most notable were a large, stylistic yellow 15 spray-painted on his back and a phallic symbol resting on his shoulder in permanent marker. His head was angled and sporting two orange LED eyes, along with a smile and a tongue sticking out in black and red spray-paint.
In his arms was the first model of the tax-accountant robot David, who’s hard metal shell resembled that of a blue suit. He had semi-human features and anatomy, with bright lights inside his glasses serving as his eyes, which looked much like a smart anime character’s would when they’d push up their spectacles with a smirk on their face. Besides that, his face was blank other than “design pending” graphic on his cheek. He was average height, lightweight, lanky, and not built for long walks or journeys, as his main challenges would be doing math and fetching things from around an office.
The three continued to stand at the edge, before 15 let out a question that had been running through his circuits for a while now.
“Hey, math boy.” He said as he looked down in his arms.
“Yes?” David responded
“What’s the chance I’d be able to throw a 100 pound object across this pit?” 15 asked.
“Well, it depends on the aerodynamics of the object and the way it’s shaped, but with your strength and specialty it shouldn’t be that difficult.” David replied.
“I see…” 15 started, “here we go then!”
“Wait, WHAT?” exclaimed the lanky blue robot, but his question would not be answered. Before he knew it, he was lightly tossed into the air by 15’s forklift arms before being caught by his main ones.
“No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO—” David yelled as he was hoisted into the air and then launched across, and his screams grew distant before a CLANG reverberated off the walls. A variety of expletives echoed through the room before “I’M FINE! THANKS FOR THE WARNING!” was belted from the other side.
This post is a continuation of a previous blog I’ve written a few weeks ago, which you can read here! So, if you haven’t read part one already, I’d highly recommend doing that before carrying on. Anyway, I’m going to start exactly where we left off!
“Whether I’ve been caramelized or rotten to the core Which one should I be? ‘Cus I dunno who I’m supposed to be anymore And it’s sickening!”
Since Flower has tried to conform to so many people and groups, she’s forgotten who she was before her obsession. She doesn’t remember who she was or her original personality, and it’s beginning to make her sick.
Again, the video switches to a darker tone as Flower starts falling into a void. She falls in front of a graphic that resembles a dessert plate and a fork and knife cross behind her.
“I’ll overeat the implications of your thoughts Just to make you happy Nonetheless, I feel my insides are tied in knots Aren’t I more than everything?”
This line refers to how Flower overanalyzes every potential thought and comment made about her and is overwhelmed by the amount of “requirements” she has to meet for others. She can’t handle it, but she also can’t stop. She can’t understand why she hasn’t become what everyone wants yet, and at this point she feels like her suffering should have even surpassed that.
“I’m a recipe for entropy I’m too overwhelming Give me your validation I can taste your apprehension.”
After all of the ingredients thrown into her, she’s become a recipe for unease and chaos, and she’s overwhelming herself. She needs validation to recover, but after it all, all she can taste are people’s apprehension towards her, even if that’s not all that’s there or even there at all.
“These flavors of personality are Hindering my likeability My impulsive desire, my appetite has Spoiled my urge to satisfy.
Everyone will like me more without it! Everyone will like me more without it!”
Flower realizes that all of these personality traits are “hindering her likeability” and have merged into something unsavory. Her want has now turned into an impulse she can’t control and has ruined her want for people to like her.
The scene then switches back to the sugary and bubbly world, but it’s now somewhat off. The cake is shown again. It’s really late now, so make sure to tune in for part 3 next week because I’m on the verge of death 😉
As of writing this, my 17th birthday was yesterday. I didn’t expect much from a pandemic birthday, but it just felt, well, just like any other day. I’ve reached the age where I stop getting presents for my birthday and just get cash, which is nice, but the magic of tearing open wrapping paper and revealing something special (or not so) is something that always lifted my spirits. I bought some party hats and streamers to try and lift the mood, but they didn’t do much.
The moods that came to me instead was a feeling of growing excitement and worsening dread. It dawned on me that this is what growing up is, and it’s so, so scary. I’ll be an adult in less than a year now, and that thought has been keeping me up at night. The difference I feel between being 16 and 17 is so drastic, even if it’s just a year. I still feel 14, so the knowledge that I’ll be a full-fledged grown up is beyond daunting. Of course, I’ll have more freedoms and I can finally live my life the way I’ve always dreamed, but my childhood is almost over. That’s something I can never get back. I’d spent so much of my childhood longing to be older and being praised for “how mature I was for my age.” I never thought I’d be longing for those days back.
All this just means I have to make this final year of childhood count. I’m going to live these 365 days so lively and colorfly that I’ll remember them for the rest of my life. I’m going to break rules, I’m going to make my body into a canvas, and I’m going to squeeze out every last bit of teenage excitement I can. I know how much of a cringey addition this may be, but I feel like this line from Heathers: The Musical sums up how I feel pretty nicely. I’m going to go be seventeen.
“We can be seventeen Still time to make things right One day we’ll change the world But let’s kick back tonight Let’s go be seventeen Take off our clothes and dance Act like we’re all still kids Cause this could be our final chance! Always be seventeen Celebrate you and I Maybe we won’t grow old And maybe then we’ll never die We’ll make it beautiful”
Last month I wrote a post about an episode of Doctor Who that changed my outlook on life and moved me like no other. (Which you can read here.) In it, I mentioned that the monster in the episode was its weakest point and glossed over it, but after re-watching the episode again, I noticed that the monster was actually a pretty obvious metaphor for depression and mental illness, and I feel really stupid for completely overlooking it. The Krafayis is the main antagonist of the episode, which is a lone, blind alien that was left behind by its kind on earth after it got lost. The Krafayan race is extremely cruel and violent, and it is revealed later on that the alien was actually blind. The thing about the Krafayis is that only Vincent can see it, and he’s treated like a madman because of this. I think you can see where I’m going.
Unlike other disabilities, mental illness can very well go unseen by others, and it can seem like a lonely and extremely difficult fight by those suffering. The Krafaysis represents Vincent’s fight with depression and suicidal thoughts and how people can assume that those who have these disorders are just either faking for attention or simply insane, especially during the time period the episode takes place in. Even when The Doctor and Amy come to help, they still can’t see the monster, even if they have good intentions. This represents that even friends and those who help support mentally ill people can try their best, but no matter how hard they try, they still won’t be able to fully understand what goes on in their head. I guess me not realizing the symbolism of the Krafaysis just shows how clever the metaphor really was. Even the audience has the ability to overlook the signs of mental illness.
This episode will always stay in my memory as one of the most impactful episodes of Doctor Who for the rest of my life. It holds a special place in my heart, and this detail I missed just makes me love it even more. I miss these stories in the show, and I hope the writers for the new seasons will be able to bring back the charm the older episodes of the show had. And if you’re fighting your own Krafayis, I promise there will be those there to help you, even if you think they may never understand.
This blog probably won’t have much substance, like, at all, but some memories from my childhood have been on my mind for a while now and I wanted to talk about them. I’m sure everyone my age had at least one happy meal as a kid. The red box with yellow handles was like a treasure chest to hungry kids. The boxes used to look a lot less terrifying back then before McDonald’s turned the boxes into mascots; they were actually pretty cute. When you’d open the box and the warmth of the fresh food would hit your face, there would also always be a special gem, though – the toy.
When I was a kid, and a kid in Mississippi no less, McDonald’s always asked when you ordered your happy meal in the drive-through if you wanted a “boy’s toy” or a “girl’s toy,” and if you ordered in the restaurant, they’d simply give you the toy that was designated to the gender you appeared as. As a really young child, I had no issues with this. I remember wanting to collect all of the brushable hair My Little Ponies, and they’re probably still stashed away somewhere in my grandmother’s house. However, as I grew older, I always thought the “boys’ toys” were much cooler, and as a kid who was really into “boy” shows, being a girl at McDonald’s kinda sucked. I can remember tons of days of disappointment when I’d see a Pokémon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Transformers toy, all franchises I was really into, but get a La La Loopsie or Justice toy because I was a girl.
I remember I would ask to get happy meals in the drive-through specifically so they’d start asking which one I wanted, and I would tell my parents or grandparents that I wanted a “boy’s” toy.” If I was with my parents, they’d comply, but I would always slump down in my car seat out of embarrassment so the workers couldn’t see me. Some of my grandparents would always tell the workers the meal was for a girl no matter what I said, and while I’ll probably never know why they did that, I could bet it was based on a fear of me being “weird” or not fitting gender norms when I was older. Who knows? I just know I hated it.
I haven’t ordered a happy meal in a long time, but I remember the last time I did they simply asked what franchise I wanted a toy from. I hope that’s how they do it now, and if it is, I’m glad kids will be able to get the toy they want, regardless of gender.
When I was in middle school, I was absolutely obsessed with the British sci-fi drama Doctor Who. I first got into it in elementary school back when episodes aired on Disney XD for a short amount of time around 2015. I was instantly hooked, and I spent a large chunk of my childhood writing fanfiction, going to conventions, and collecting merchandise and art from the show. One of my childhood dreams was to travel the universe in the TARDIS with the doctor, and if I’m completely honest, I’d say I still have that dream. Of course, I’d rather not meet an untimely death or have something awful happen to me, so maybe it could be a one-time trip around the stars.
After all of this time, though, a couple of episodes still come to my mind. Out of all of them, Vincent and the Doctor, written by Richard Curtis, is probably the one I think about the most. I remember it was the one episode I wouldn’t allow my mom to delete from the DVR because of how much I adored it. The writing was phenomenal, and the beautiful imagery only added to it. It made me profoundly emotional, and I even have a poster on my wall of a quote from that episode.
To sum up what happens, The Doctor and Amy visit an art museum and notice a strange creature in one of the windows in The Church at Auvers by Vincent van Gogh. They ask a museum guide when the painting was done, and he explains that it was painted in 1890, which was about a year before Van Gogh committed suicide. The Doctor and Amy go back in time to try and figure out the mystery behind the creature in the window. Long story short, since it is Doctor Who, the monster turns out to be an alien only Vincent can see, and The Doctor has to find a way to help it find its way home. In the end, Vincent accidentally fatally wounds the creature, and it dies in the halls of the church being comforted by The Doctor. The alien aspect of the episode is definitely the weakest, which sadly isn’t uncommon for the show. The real greatness shines through with Vincent’s character, the interactions he has with Amy and The Doctor, and the portrayal of depression in a realistic manner.
When The Doctor and Amy first arrive and meet Vincent, they witness the way the townspeople mistreat and ridicule him and his art. He’s grown to think that his art truly is horrible and he only ever does it for himself. Despite the objections from the pair, he never truly believes their praise of his art. The people around him were constantly calling him deranged and mad to the point where he fully believes it. The episode takes a few creative liberties, as do most fictional stories about historical figures, like excluding the fact that Vincent cut off part of his own ear and sent it to a woman. Rather, the story focuses more on his depression, mental anguish, and loneliness.
The ending of this episode is what brings me to tears every viewing. Before The Doctor and Amy leave, they bring Vincent into the future to see the same art museum from the beginning of the episode. When they arrive at the Van Gogh exhibit, Vincent is shocked and amazed to find his art on display. The Doctor then asks the museum guide from before to sum up where Vincent van Gogh stands in the history of art. He gives this response:
“Well, big question, but to me, Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly, the most popular great painter of all time. The most beloved. His command of colour, the most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world. No one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange, wild man who roamed the fields of Provence was not only the world’s greatest artist, but also one of the greatest men who ever lived.”
It’s then that Vincent breaks into tears and thanks the museum guide for his kind words. The guide is obviously taken aback and confused by this, but before he could ask any questions, they had already left.
When they arrive back to his time in France, Vincent thanks them again and they say their goodbyes. They’ll all sad to part, but they have to return to their own time.
When Amy and The Doctor return to the museum again in the future, Amy is excited to see the exhibit and is convinced there will be new paintings now that Vincent changed his mind about suicide after he learned how much his work meant to people and the impact he had. However, when they arrive, there are no new paintings. Vincent still kills himself at the age of 37. The point of this scene was to emphasize that even though he knew how important he would be and the joy he brought others in the future, his present was still bleak and horrible for him. The knowledge that he left a great impact doesn’t change his surroundings much at all. He didn’t live in our present. When Amy realizes this, she breaks into tears at the museum and The Doctor goes to comfort her. She claims they didn’t make a difference at all, and this is when that quote I mentioned earlier is said.
“I wouldn’t say that. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.”
The Doctor shows her that they did indeed make a difference by showing her the absence of the creature in the church window, and Amy catches a glimpse of new writing that’s on the painting Sunflowers. Amy had been trying to get Vincent to paint the sunflowers painting while they were there by saying how much she adored sunflowers and picking some for him. So when she got closer and saw the message “For Amy – Vincent” she smiled and realized she really did change things and was appreciated.
The way this episode and quote changed me was that I realized that every little positive thing you can say to or do for someone adds to their pile of good things in life. Part of my life goal is to add to the good things pile to everyone I meet, no matter how big of a difference it makes. Everything has a little impact— just try to make good ones. Add to the good things pile, and not the bad. I’d ask everyone reading this tries to as well. You never know how much better it could make someone’s day.
GHOST, also known as Ghost and Pals, is one of my favorite musicians of all time. Their unique art style showcased their videos, wonderfully written lyrics, and interesting themes in their music are all things I really admire and always have me pumped for a new release. Ghost, which I will stop capitalizing from now on for the sake of being a bit easier on the eyes, is one of the most popular English Vocaloid producers. More popular releases of theirs include Honey I’m Home, Housewife Radio, and Candle Queen.
If you’re reading this and you’re not sure what Vocaloid is, that’s completely understandable! Vocaloid is a Japanese singing voice synthesizer software that enables users to synthesize “singing” by typing in lyrics and a melody for various voices or characters. It stems from a real voice actor’s or singer’s voice, much like Siri! These characters are designed and treated like virtual idols of sorts, and you’ve probably heard of a few. Hatsune Miku, Gumi, Megurine Luka, and Kaito are the most popular Vocaloid voices to use, and their characters are super recognizable on and even off the internet. It grew in popularity across the world in the mid-2000s and continued to skyrocket. The most well known English Vocaloid producers include Creep-P, VocaCircus, Crusher-P, Steampianist, and, of course, Ghost. The main appeal of Vocaloid is the unique sounding vocals that give off a robotic and interesting sound and the control it provides in music production.
Now, let’s dive into the meat and potatoes of this post. Appetite of a People-Pleaser was released on January 23, 2018, and, as of writing this, has accumulated almost 4.5 million views. Ghost uses v4 Flower, a lesser-known but still popular Vocaloid in the community. It tells the tale of a girl who’s so obsessed with becoming the ideal and pleasing others that she starts to lose touch with her own identity after the following mental anguish she faces realizing the negative consequences of this. The song has a few different interpretations, and since it’s one of my favorite songs of all time, I thought why not write a blog going into it?
The video starts out with a content warning for themes of disordered eating. The video does include depictions of bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder, but I believe these are metaphors for the character’s addiction to the validation of others. I’ll go into further detail later on. So, like the video says, if you think these subjects could upset you, I’d recommend you carry on with caution.
In the first shot of the video, we see the hand of a young girl, who I will call Flower for the rest of this post, holding a fork and going in to taste a cake on a plate in front of her. She takes a tiny bite before exiting from the frame. The cake here represents the validation of other people, and this was her first real taste of it.
Soon after, the song starts and the lyrics appear onscreen.
“Ideas forming out of thin air These indulgences none can compare So many flavors that one would abhor Even though I’ve had enough… I still demand: Give me more!”
Here we see Flower beginning to build a dependence on the validation she tasted with the cake. “Ideas forming out of thin air; these indulgences none can compare” could either mean she’s thinking of ways to better please her friends and peers to an excessive degree, or that she’s having negative thoughts of herself and needs the validation of others to have them go away. “So many flavors that one would abhor” could refer to the many personalities she’s created to please others, but could also refer to personality traits that she thinks poorly of. “Even though I’ve had enough, I still demand: give me more!” is a cry from Flower for more validation from others to the point where she even sees it as a possible problem.
“I need a whole personality Something inordinately sweet Order anything you’d like Nothing’s changing my mind I don’t care how unhealthy it is Because there isn’t anything I’d rather be.”
“I need a whole personality; something inordinately sweet” relates to her need to change her entire personality to suit other people, and for this time, she needs something “inordinately sweet.” “Order anything you’d like; nothing’s changing my mind” shows us that she’ll continue to cater to people regardless of the concerns of others or for the sake of her mental health. “I don’t care how unhealthy it is because there isn’t anything I’d rather be” shows that she’s aware of the negative consequences that could come from this, but she loves the results of her people-pleasing so much that she continues. The graphic depicts her with a tranced and obsessed look on her face as if she’s being driven crazy by the validation and love she’s getting from others.
“Call me obsequious, I guess I’m a bit dramatic Sometimes my appetite is eerily erratic Give me your dire expectations, and I’ll consume perfection You are what you eat, after all.”
“Call me obsequious, I guess I’m a bit dramatic” shows us that others, or possibly herself, call her obsequious (to be obedient or servile) and can notice what she’s doing, but she brushes this off by saying she’s just “a bit dramatic.” “Give me your dire expectations, and I’ll consume perfection; you are what you eat, after all” ties into the metaphor of her people-pleasing being an eating disorder. She consumes all the expectations of others and becomes them. She considers this perfection.
It’s at this time that the video theme and tone of the music shifts. The vocals become distorted and the piano grows louder and more ominous. The bubbly and colorful background is now replaced by a somber black one with classical designs.
“Everything Combines into one So many flavors that one would abhor I know I’ve had enough, I’ve gone too far.”
This marks when the negative effects of Flower’s behavior start to break through. “Everything combines into one; so many flavors that one would abhor” shows that her personalities are beginning to meld together into an amalgamation that she thinks is unappealing and undesirable. “I know I’ve had enough, I’ve gone too far” shows that she recognizes that she really does have a problem, but she’s gone too far down the spiral.
This tone change quickly goes away much like it appeared, and soon we’re taken back into the candy and cake wonderland of the video. The lyrics, however, keep this concerning and somber tone.
“Now that I’ve become a full-course identity Take a bite of me I hope that I’ve become a favorable delicacy That I’m worth something I’ll eat ‘em all, the thoughts of anyone I’ll ever meet Just to make them happy Wondering why I’m a burden, or so it seems Aren’t I everything?”
“Now that I’ve become a full-course identity; take a bite of me” demonstrates that she’s done crafting a personality for someone and she wants them to enjoy her and give her validation and love. “I hope that I’ve become a favorable delicacy; that I’m worth something” reflects on how she only gets self-worth from others and how she can only hope she was successful in becoming their perfect person. “I’ll eat ‘em all, the thoughts of anyone I’ll ever meet just to make them happy” shows how she won’t stop absorbing the thoughts of others to “improve” herself because she wants to make people happy. Every comment, insult, or recommendation gets turned into an ingredient for her personality so she can appeal to them more and get them to like her. The next line, “wondering why I’m a burden, or so it seems; aren’t I everything?” is a glimpse into her inner worries about this. People are growing tired of her presence because of her people-pleasing tendencies and she’s confused as to why because she’s put in so much time and effort into crafting the perfect person for them.
“Maybe if I try a little harder, it will be okay One day Keep on eating more and more.”
Even though her people-pleasing is the reason people are starting to distance themselves from her, she doesn’t know what to do. Instead of trying to stop and try being herself, she begins to work even harder to please them so they won’t leave her. The graphic shows Flower devoring more and more of the cake (validation) to keep her satisfied, and she now needs more than ever.
“Divide my life away Into servings And go beyond the point of no return.”
Flower is now reaching the point where she is almost beyond help. She’s devoted her life to other people and has left no time for herself to heal. She’s losing more and more parts of herself every day.
“I know I’m subservient, but all of this is necessary Sometimes my appetite is violently contrary Irreconcilable perceptions appeal to my obsessions The nausea is overwhelming!”
“I know I’m subservient, but all of this is necessary” shows once again that Flower knows what she’s doing isn’t completely appealing, but she thinks it’s the only possible way for people to like her and has become her main focus and goal in life. She’s become addicted to validation from others and needs it to function, so she will stop at no limit to get it. “Sometimes my appetite is violently contrary” suggests that Flower may be the exact opposite of the way she acts, but she continues anyway because she doesn’t know how else to be. “Irreconcilable perceptions appeal to my obsessions; the nausea is overwhelming!” shows us that the toll all of this is taking on Flower’s mental health. Everything is stacking on top and making her overwhelmed and nauseous, but she’s lost the ability or will to stop.
I should probably stop before this blog gets too long, so I’m going to be splitting this “analysis” into two parts. Most of this song is pretty self-explanatory, but I just wanted to talk about it and share GHOST’s work with more people! I’m excited to continue this. I may do one for Honey, I’m Home and Housewife Radio afterward since I’m actually really enjoying working on this! They’re a bit more complicated, so we’ll see how it goes. I guess I’ll have a lot of content for blogs if I go through with this idea! 🙂
We all knew that girl in high school who always had to tear others down to build herself up, and if you didn’t, you caught a beyond lucky break. Whether it was the classic shaming of where you bought your clothes or having your face and body scrutinized in a private DM on Instagram, we’ve all met at least one person in our lives who could not gain confidence through their own personal merits. This trope is everywhere in teen movies, usually written in as an easy antagonist, but it’s always the pink-wearing preppy girl with a caramel latte in her hand.
What is less talked about is a trend that peaked in the early-2010s: young girls who also needed to bring down others to lift themselves up, but in a much less direct way. If you’ve been on the internet for long enough, you’ve probably seen one or two “I’m not like other girls” around the internet, most likely either as a comic or a text post. The girls who post this phrase pride themselves on their “individuality” the most, and while this isn’t an inherently bad thing, it comes with an extra layer of internalized misogyny by putting down the “other girls.” These “other girls” are usually portrayed as feminine, positive, concerned about their appearance, and sexually active. The poster is usually portrayed as a “tomboy” who places little value in their appearance, reads books, and dislikes stereotypically feminine things.
An example of a popular “I’m not like other girls” illustration. It depicts the “other girls” as dumb, “slutty” carbon-copies of each other. The “error” is a smart, modestly clothed girl who stands out among the rest of the women.
Now, this brings about the question of why this is a problem and how it became to be this way. The quick answer? Internalized misogyny. These feminine traits are viewed in a negative light by much of society including these types of girls. More masculine traits are seen as better, and the stereotype of women being stupid and vain shine through in obvious ways. This mindset stems from the dislike of being wrapped up in this stereotype and the pride felt by breaking the nonexistent “standard” of being a girl. “I’m not like other girls! I’m smart and I have an actual personality!” If you were a girl who grew up in the early 2000s, you know this type of message was in almost every bit of media you could consume. “You Belong With Me” by Talyor Swift and High School Musical are some of the first things that come to mind when I think of my elementary school days. Girls who were insecure about not fitting the “feminine look” were comforted by these and quickly began to develop a complex. I know I did.
In recent years, this trend has slowed down drastically. In fact, there has been a rise of parody comics based off of it. People have come to realize the problematic nature and the negative effect it has on the minds of young girls (and even some women.) One of my favorite of these, although it’s not exactly a parody, is a series by Julie Hang. In an interview with Bored Panda, she goes into detail about her past struggles with this mindset along with her art, which you can view and read here.
“I was a shy, anxious kid, and had a hard time making friends. Instead of recognizing my anxiety and trying to overcome it, I’d thought I’m just not like the other girls. Reading ‘me vs. other girls’ comics online validated those negative feelings and stereotypes I had towards other girls, and made me feel like judging others was the ‘cool’ thing to do.”
…
““When you’re young and still trying to figure out who you are, the one thing you really want to have is individuality. There are lots of healthy ways to discover yourself, like joining a club where you can meet people with similar interests. Then there is the ‘I’m not like other girls’ comic ideas online that communicates that you are indeed unique but does so by putting other girls down.”
Before I begin, I would like to give a warning. This post will include descriptions of attempted murder and slightly disturbing images. If you don’t think you’ll be able to handle this week’s post, feel free to click off now. I won’t judge you, I promise. 🙂
When you hear the word “creepypasta,” what comes to mind? If you weren’t active on the internet in the early 2010s, you might think of a Halloween recipe a quirky middle-aged mom might make from Pinterest or maybe a mispronunciation of a new monstrosity called “crispy pasta” that probably emerged from the mid-south. However, if you were an internet kid like me, I know you’d recognize it instantly.
Creepypasta is defined by Urban Dictionary as “Essentially internet horror stories or myths passed around other sites to frighten readers and viewers. The word “creepypasta” comes from the term “copypasta,” an internet slang term for a block of text that gets copied and pasted from website to website. Creepypastas are sometimes are supplemented with pictures, audio, or video footage related to the story, typically with gory, distorted or, otherwise, shocking content.” So, in a nutshell, a creepypasta is just a horror version of a copypasta, and the latter half of the word isn’t a reference to the popular Italian dish; it’s a play on the copy-and-paste aspect of the stories. Another thing creepypastas are known for is being, well, pretty bad. Sure, there are some outliers like Ben Drowned and the SCP Series, but most popular stories are well known for their sub-par storytelling and generic tropes. However, there is one story in particular that scared me senseless as a kid, and still fascinates me to this day.
The Slenderman is one of the most, if not THE most, recognizable legends on the internet. The creature first emerged from a 2009 photoshop contest on the Something Awful forums online.
Eric Knudsen’s first submission to the photoshop contest featuring Slenderman (2009)
The caption under the image read:
We didn’t want to go, we didn’t want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time…
— 1983, photographer unknown, presumed dead.
The second submission is just as popular.
Eric Knudsen’s second submission to the photoshop competition (2009)
The caption under this image read:
One of two recovered photographs from the Stirling City Library blaze. Notable for being taken the day which fourteen children vanished and for what is referred to as “The Slender Man”. Deformities cited as film defects by officials. Fire at library occurred one week later. Actual photograph confiscated as evidence.
— 1986, photographer: Mary Thomas, missing since June 13th, 1986.
These images sparked inspiration in the minds of internet users everywhere. Stories and fan-art were created and spread all over the place. These stories built the lore of Slenderman, and soon there wasn’t just one creator of Slenderman, but rather the internet culture as a whole came together to create their own personal boogeyman. In 2012, Slenderman was adapted into a video game titled Slender: The Eight Pages. Within its first month of release, the game was downloaded over 2 million times, which, at the time, was an exponential amount. Popular YouTubers played the game as well, which thrust it into an even bigger spotlight and exposed the game to a young audience. Because of its popularity, more games were made, and the lore of Slenderman grew larger very quickly.
The Creepypasta fandom hit its peak around 2013/2014, and the only way I could properly describe it would be.. unexpected. The main audience for these stories were surprisingly preteens and young teenagers, despite the gory and disturbing nature of the tales. The thing is, these kids weren’t necessarily fans of the stories themselves, but rather cutesy-fied versions of the antagonists in them. I could go into this more, but this is not the main point of this blog. It’s actually a pretty interesting topic, so maybe in another post.
What is important, though, is the fact that I was (sigh) one of these preteens who were obsessed with these caricatures of these scary teen villains. I wasn’t just interested in these versions, though. I also really liked reading the original stories and writing my own. I hate to say that part of my passion for literature was spawned by creepypasta, but it’s the truth. The Creepypasta Wiki was a go-to for me and was my ideal website to visit when I was bored other than YouTube or Wattpad. (Yes, I was one of those kids) But, anyway, the ones that I enjoyed the most were the many versions and additions of the Slenderman lore. For a time, I genuinely believed he was real, and, like the title says, it scared me to death. I was around 10 in 2014, and that’s when I was really into all this. I lived in the middle of the woods, and I would avoid looking outside out of fear of seeing Slenderman. This was mainly because one of the versions of the “slender” story had something called “slender sickness,” which you would catch just by looking at him. It would drive you into paranoia and madness, eventually killing you. This was made popular by the indie online video series Marble Hornets, which I actually very highly recommend if you’re into creative found footage horror or ARGs.
(This is a “movie” made by compiling together all the clips and episodes of the original series. It’s a bit easier to keep up with, but I recommend checking out the original YouTube channel for a more authentic feel.)
I would cry whenever I had to go into the woods or wasn’t allowed to close my blinds. I got scared whenever my technology would mess up because that was another “sign that Slender was near.” Looking back now, it’s a pretty funny memory, but at the time, nothing was more terrifying.
Things came to a screeching halt in the community when on May 31, 2014, two 12-year-old girls from Wisconsin lured their friend Payton Leutner into the woods and stabbed her 19 times in an attempt to prove the fictional character Slender Man was real and to become his “proxies,” another term that stemmed from the Marble Hornets series. Payton miraculously survived, but it raised a moral dilemma in regard to the creation and sharing of stories involving the character. This was one of the wake-up calls for me as a kid, and I quickly was brought back into reality when this all went down. Both girls were sentenced to 25-40 years in mental institutions, and the Creepypasta Wiki was banned in many school districts across the country. Eric Knudsen responded to this by saying: “I am deeply saddened by the tragedy in Wisconsin, and my heart goes out to the families of those affected by this terrible act,” and the admins of the Creepypasta Wiki along with many prominent creators in the community came together to raise money for Payton and her family. Still, the character of Slenderman began to fade away from the internet space during this time. I became uninterested in the community soon after as well, and I stopped being involved for many years.
Since then, mainstream movies, book series, and more games have been created based off of the internet legend. However, they lack the rawness and internet charm that the story had. The changing nature of the story was like no other, and it still fascinates me to this day. I can’t properly express how famous and influential this character was in internet culture, but since Halloween was just around the corner, I thought why not revisit this childhood monster of mine.
