When I’m sitting in a space for a long time, I think of all the things I’ve ever done in life. For example, I’ve rode a pogo stick and I once climbed a very high tree. When I was 12, I went on a diet where I only ate strawberry yogurt. I used to push safety pins beneath the very thin layer of my hand. The dead skin layer, that did not make my hand bleed. These memories aren’t big accomplishments, but they are on the top of my head. I associate my past self with them. And they are all memories from childhood, years and years ago. It bewilders me that I can remember this stuff from long ago, but I don’t know what I did this past year or last week. Sometimes I think it’s because I am not interesting enough. I don’t do all those weird things that kids do anymore, I’m not that excited about life. Therefore, my brain chooses not to remember me.
I had a conversation this weekend with my friend, and it completely changed my view on this. We were talking about things, people, cars, air conditioning. Stuff you talk about with people you know. And they randomly told me they once lived on a farm with cows, horses and all kinds of herd. They gave very detailed descriptions of this memory, and I was dumbfounded. It seemed like they had lived this kind of life every day. Even if they did not, they have at least thought of the memory every day. But once the story was over, they looked as dumbfounded as I did. They asked me afterward, “do you ever have those moments of life that you simply do not remember until you sit down and start saying them out loud?” Firstly, I thought it was impressive that they had discovered this story from deep within their mind. It was amazing.
But when I thought about it a little longer, I started to understand what they were talking about. If this memory had suddenly sprang up on them, then maybe my problem was the opposite of that. I think most of the time we know about ourselves through our conscious minds, but our subconscious minds can play a huge role in it as well. Some memories are easier to pull up. Other memories are stored for later until something springs them up. In this case, it was the act of conversation. But it can be more things like a certain activity, maybe golfing.
I thought this was interesting to think about because I feel like I am not recording anything I do these days. The days just fly by, and it seems like I am taking them for granted. But what if I do remember them? I just can’t access them in the way I access memories that have more time behind them.
I love this so much. The idea that our brain only marks things of interest really makes me curious. I feel the same way and I think it’s common to not remember some things but I wonder when it becomes a problem. I love the way you write these kinds of blogs.
I can only remember really small things in my early life, maybe before the age of ten and it is really interesting how some things stick with you and pop up just whenever you hear a certain something that triggers the memory.
what you are talking about is Transience. it’s a study and they are trying to implement drugs to try and bring out more memories than our brain can contain. though meditating helps bring loss memory back as well
I love the way you describe memories. Certain moments in our lives will become memories and we won’t even realize it. I think that’s interesting but also nerve-racking.
Hey girl, this was beautiful. I’ve actually never heard anyone voice these thoughts (that I’ve had!) before. It’s really interesting to see how you interpret your own memories and the differences of that within you and your friend. The idea of you riding a pogo stick is hilarious by the way.