hi, blog world. seeing as how we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well, i think i can be candid with you in this post. i… am not doing so great; and that’s ok! i mean, it’s not, but it’s also not anything to concern yourself with. lately, i’ve just felt a few steps behind in life. i’m always tired, my skin is a mess, and my hair is oftentimes less than perfect, to say the least. then, to top it all off- i miss my home so badly. it feels like i have no reason to- i mean i go home every two weeks, right? still, though, i keep finding myself listening to the songs i’d blast in the car with friends, watching the movies i’d watch to go to sleep as a kid, and wearing the clothes that used to be my favorites, despite my desire for a new sense of style. a new beginning. my heart just can’t seem to catch up with my mind right now.
mentally, i’m at the lake. i’m sitting at the window, taking orders from some beach bum with an attitude while my friend complains about the ice cream machine’s lack of reliability. i’m struggling to calculate the amount of change i’m supposed to be giving to the Padgett boy, and my boss’s boss is questioning me about the missing pool floats. i miss the laughter, the sun, even the nosy front desk ladies. i miss my job.
mentally, i’m in starkville. i’m leaving the movie theatre with my friends, trying to decide if we should go to umi or strange brew first. we don’t deliberate for long, though- we have all the time in the world. we ride through the cotton district, blasting whatever song we pretend to love ironically. after an ivy roll and an iced blondie, we hop into the civic and head home to dream about cowbells, studio apartments, and freedom.
mentally, i’m at home. i’m in the living room with my family, watching catfish and debating over whether james the model from los angeles is real or not. the cat and dog are snoring in the chair across from us on the blanket we just washed. we’ve all taken our designated spots, and i’m in the chair with the cat scratches on the back, sipping a pepsi and dozing off occasionally. i’m home.
now, don’t get me wrong, blog world- i love msa. i’m so grateful for this opportunity. i’ve met some amazing people and done some amazing things; but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t miss my north star. my hometown. i know that this is just something that’ll take a little time, and i’ll probably be over it in a week. right now, though, i just needed to pour my heart out a little. i hope you don’t mind too much, blog world. ’til next time.