anyone who knows me can tell you that i use spotify religiously; i have 30 playlists, categorized into 3 folders, and it works quite well for me. one of these playlists is called “what in the middle school,” and it’s essentially a list of every song that brings me back to a very specific moment in time that is defined by music. for example, the song clairvoyant by the story so far was very prominent in 7th grade, when i was just about to enter my first long-term relationship. and the song marry me by thomas rhett, which reminds me of 9th grade, when i developed the biggest crush on a guy that i knew would never like me back.
and the song if i’m lucky by state champs. as i was re-listening to this cringefest of a playlist, i was pleasantly surprised by how much i still enjoy this song – even after all this time. i think it’s because the lyrics can resonate with any moment of my life, which is both terrifying and very very beautiful at the same time.
the idea of screaming the lyrics, “i’m just trying to find my place in this world,” right into my living room ceiling fan is very appealing to me, and i think always will be. not only is it the perfect dose of nostalgia, it’s the theme of my life. i’ve gone to four different schools, and each one of them has taught me something different; msa, much more than any of the others. i change my setting, just trying to find my place like the song says, and it feels like i finally have.
this is a place for growth. it’s a place to build relationships, improve your art, and figure out what kind of life you want to lead for yourself. many of us will decide we want to travel the world and work as freelancers, which is okay. some of us will decide to pursue our art, some of us will not. few of us will go to trade school, and honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if more than a few of us land in prison at some point or another.
for now, though, every experience here needs to be felt wholeheartedly. there are moments that may be taken for granted, and i feel like that’s such a disservice to the time we’re spending in our lives. even class time – when we’re all waiting for something to happen, something is happening; someone is working on their blog, someone is showing their friend a funny picture, someone is recording someone else doing something stupid. during workshop, we’re pouring our souls onto paper and telling each other what we think and feel about it, which is such a fundamental part of improving our work and our relationships.
this is growth.
nights talking to the serio’s workers are moments of growth. as are impromptu tea parties with mrs. sudie, or the occasional burst of anxiety when you’re not back to school by the time you should be. everything happens for a reason, and i think taking it for granted is so dissatisfying.
like the song says, i’m looking for more than a pretty smile, and if i’m lucky, i can stay for a while. because this is my place in this world, at least for now, and i hope you all feel the same way. we worked our asses off to get here, so by god, we’re going to make the most of it.
Oh yes, songs that you used to love and are emotionally attached to hit different late at night while you just stare at the ceiling.
There are some songs from your middle school days that never stop being relevant. I still religiously listen to Marina and the Diamonds and Twenty One Pilots, and their albums are still some of the most impactful ones I’ve ever listened to. Some songs just never stop being relevant, and they can help you get through some tough times.