Oh, 2019. You were complete, utter, festering trash. You seemed to last forever, and good god, did you leave like you came: stumbling through the door with a blood-curling scream.
The last year started out well enough for me if I’m honest. In January, I got to visit my partner who lives in Arizona, and it was very nice to get to visit them for the first time. Also, in mid-April, they were able to come to my hometown to go to my prom, and we had a blast during it. However, I would call most of my experience with 2019… a hot mess. Just… a hot mess.
I found that many times during 2019, I was succumbing to what I like to call “writer’s fatigue.” This is a condition that I find myself often succumbing to- where I get exhausted with a piece- and try as I may, I found that it was very difficult to overcome this sense of fatigue.
And even though I found myself often battling this fatigue, I found that I was still able to create some fantastic works both for school and for my own projects as well. I want to show one of them here:
Pandora
Pinned with the blame
of releasing all that is evil;
my beauty was created
to bring destruction to mankind.
I was created with clay
like every other man,
but life was breathed into me
by the winds of the earth.
I was clothed in majesty,
given a heart of lust,
a mind of lies,
and given the name “All Gifted”
I did not have a desire
to be brought into this world-
my creation was a punishment
to those who dared to trick a god.
My beauty was bestowed
upon my body
to hide the very venom
that one could see in my eyes.
I did not choose to be created.
I did not choose to unleash evil.
I did not choose to be hated by men.
I did not get the chance to choose.
“Pandora” was written as a part of a poetry collection I began to work on that I titled “Heavenly Vices,” and if I’m honest, it’s a collection that I am very proud of. I also created a collection of poems about cults and their leaders, like the following:
Gates of Heaven
Listen closely
oh children of mine,
so I may show you
God’s newest sign.
In Hale-Bopp’s tail
Heaven’s ship rides;
now it is time
to say our goodbyes.
We’ve communed together
for years and years-
we’ve shared our dreams,
our secrets, and fears.
So fill your pockets
with quarters and pennies,
cover your heads,
and repeat after me:
“Our God will now
take us away-
we’ve been preparing
for this day.
Heaven will be
a sight to see;
we’ll see again
our savior, Ti.
Our shoes are tied,
and still we lie.
Prepare yourself-
do not cry.
So count your blessings
and swallow your pride.
To Heaven’s Gate
we now will fly.”
“Gates of Heaven” and others in that collection are the ones that I am the proudest of. Because of this, I am hoping that I can continue to make works like this in the upcoming year. Thankfully, it appears that my writing fatigue is finally starting to fade away, and I am finding more and more that I am able to focus on projects and stay on task. It is my hope that this year, things will get better. I want to improve as a person just as much as I want to improve as a writer. And my ultimate goal is to end this new year better than I started it.
