Category: Junior Literary

I am writing this for the comfort of others, in case there is anyone who feels and/or thinks the same way as I....

I constantly tell people it is not safe to leave me anywhere alone. Simply because it means all that I have is me and my thoughts. Those things are not safe, at all. Most of the time, I do a mental re-cap of my day. I think about the things I did,the things I could have done, the things I should not have done, the things I said, the things I could have said, or the things I should not have said.

And if I am not doing that, I am over-thinking about the things I have to do for the next day, week, month, or year. Lately, I have been finding myself doing it more than usual though. I honestly believe it is because of the time of year it is. It is getting close to the end of the year, which means that I am about to be a senior. That also means that next year, people are going to be really looking up to me. In my mind, I keep asking myself, “Is this really happening, right now?” Surprisingly, myself answers back and says, “Yeah, it is. There is nothing you or I can do about it. So, buckle up and prepare for the ride.” It is just…. unbelievable.

I am already planning out all of the activities I am going to do or lead, the room I want to reside in, who I want to reside with (both room and suite wise), and what all I want for the room. I did not realize that I am such a critical thinker, especially of myself. I do not necessarily think it is a bad thing though. It just makes me feel as though I have a lot on me. Even though I know most of this stuff is not due until NEXT YEAR. I will be alright though, I think.

See what I mean about leaving me with my thoughts. This is what happens when I'm left with my thoughts. SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!

Wow, I’ve been really busy lately. Its convention season, which means you guys get to hear all about my convention experiences and costumes I’m working on. Not much I can say at the moment, but i’m planning a whole bunch of Danganronpa cosplays. Maybe a big sewing project over spring break. Lots of props.

Recently I turned seventeen, which is pretty cool I guess. I’ve survived a whole bunch of days. In the grand scheme of things, it may not be that long. But it could be half my life. We won’t know until later in life. Interesting thought. Live your best life, just in case a bad day at seventeen ends up being your actual midlife crisis.

Last weekend, I worked at a local dad/daughter dance. They needed a princess, and I happened to cosplay Princess Ariel. It was really fun! I got to do a lot of improv to answer all the questions that were thrown at me. I got to dance around with my ‘new’ legs. As you guys know, I have two versions of Ariel, one of them being the mermaid tail, and the other being the dress she wears in the boat scene. The mermaid tail isn’t too fun to move around in.

I celebrated my birthday with some of my hometown friends by going free prom dress shopping. you heard it right, free prom dresses. We had went to the mall to hang out, and ended up getting dresses. It was some type of charity or foundation- ill look up the details sometime- that gave old prom dresses to girls in the seventh-twelfth grade. It was a really cool experience to go dress shopping with a few friends. We weren’t even planning on doing that! it was very in the moment.

I’m waiting on some pictures from a cool photo shoot I did recently to come in. I recreated a scene from the exorcist, and its pretty cool.

So, overall, lots of cool things going on!

Hi hello, Vic here. I’ve been really connecting with music lately, so I thought, “hey why not share it with other people?” With that being said, here are my top five songs that I listen to when I’m in five different moods. Enjoy.

• I Hope to Be Around- Men I Trust

I cannot stress enough how much I love Men I Trust. They have such an eccentric vibe. This song is what I like to listen to on a calm Sunday morning when I’m sitting at my desk by the big window. I’m usually painting at this time, or collaging. You know, soaking in all that sun. This song is definitely for a more calm, zen-like vibe, I guess you could call it.

• Feels Like Summer- Childish Gambino

I came across this song on my discover weekly a few months ago, and I just really liked it for the beat and sound. However, when I actually started listening to the lyrics I realized the deeper meaning behind this song. It’s talking about how our planet isn’t doing too good. As someone who is very passionate about this earth and what it has come to, this song really hit hard. It’s all around a great song, and has an amazing message behind it. I really appreciate what Childish Gambino did with this song.

• TEST DRIVE- Joji

This is the song I listen to when I’m in my feels, but I’m trying to get out of it. The song is sad when it comes to the lyrics, but the beat and music behind it is just kinda upbeat and chill. It’s very nice, and I recommend it to any sad boyz that are in need of a pick me up.

• Goodie Bad- Still Woozy

Still Woozy is currently my favorite artist. He has this funky taste with his music. It’s very unique and different, and I very much so enjoy it. Still Woozy is what I like to listen to when I’m at school or just walking around downtown. I’m not sure exactly why, it just serves me well, honestly.

• Somebody- Bazzi

This song is what I listen to when I’m in need of motivation and focus because the song itself is about reaching your goals and the obstacles and people that get in the way of that. It always reminds me that I have something that I’m committed to and nothing can get in the way of that.

 

Spring break is next week, and honestly, I’m so ready. I really just want to use the week to recharge, and I already have some plans for it. I was talking to my best friend, Jennifer, earlier, and I told her one of my little projects for this break was a quote board. I’m gonna take different quotes that I really enjoy and just paste them all together with some pictures and such. Her response was “Oooh how Pinteresty,” but we’re gonna work on it together. My other project is a present for her. My dad just told me Sunday night that I am going to be working concessions at his powerlifting meet. That’s honestly one of my favorite things to do because I just like working concessions for whatever reason. What sucks about this time, though, is that I won’t be able to actually see the meet. Usually, the “stand” is a table set up behind the racks, so we can see the meet while we work, but we’ll be at a different school so the stand will be set up differently. Maybe my mom will let me take breaks to watch the meet? I doubt it though. Concession gets really busy around lunch time, so we’ll have four or five people at a time ordering three or four things. It’s a little difficult to manage that much stuff already, but then you have to add in the change. And that’s between two people. Also, I’m really slow with math under pressure. So…. it’s not a great situation at times, but I still love it. I’m really looking forward to break now. 

Sometimes, the world just was it out for you. I know I shouldn’t say that, but it’s true. Sometimes the world just gets angry and needs someone to take it out on. It’s horrible because you start to question what you could have possibly done to make her (the world) so vengeful. Maybe she is heartbroken, and you happened to have waltz into one of her tears. Now you’re drowning, and there honestly seems to be no way out.

Now, I guess I have conjured up this idea because I need to blame something. I don’t want to blame you. Despite the fact that I should and that I need to, which everyone has been very vocal about, I just can’t find it in my self to hate you. Do you remember when I used to write you letters? Or that leather bracelet I gave you and you wore until it fell apart? That piece of toast I drew on your wall because you were sad and I wanted you to be able to look at something and smile? All of this was before we fell in love. Part of me wishes we could go back to then. The other part of me isn’t ready to let you go yet.

I can’t blame cancer either. I mean, if cancer was personified I would probably beat it with a steel pipe, but I can’t do that. I can’t really put my finger on cancer, yet along point at it. I can’t blame cystic fibrosis either, for the same reason. I’m sure cancer and CF didn’t get together one day and decide over tea that “hey, let’s kill Savannah’s friends a week apart.” No, I don’t imagine they know each other that well.

So I come back to you, and I want to scream and cry, but I feel like I’ve done too much of that already. I want to say I never want to talk to you again, but I would be lying. I want to say I don’t love you anymore, but that’s just not true. I can apologize to everyone that disappoints, but all of these tragic events have made me miss you more. I guess part of me wants to hold on to something.

I don’t blame you. I don’t blame cancer or cystic fibrosis. The world just has it out for me right now. Maybe I’m naïve, but that’s what I want to believe. I’m tired of asking you why you had to do this to me, so I will just blame the leaves and the grass and the air. I’ll get angry at the pink and purple sky. It’s easier to blame one thing for my problems rather than multiple different things. The world put all three of you here, so I feel justified. I can handle being mad at the world. That’s an easier pill to swallow than grieving… or being mad at you.

there was once a way i looked at things

with side ways glances 

or just a smile 

i never looked long enough 

to see just how much damage 

there was held behind your eyes

i’m sorry now 

i apologize for every moment of mistreatment 

and ignorance 

i am here now

i am who i always needed to be 

who you needed me to be 

i wish i would have always been this person

i would give up the world for you

if human hands could touch the sun

i would pluck it from the sky

and give it to you 

i would steal the light from the rest of the universe 

just so you wouldn’t have to spend another moment in darkness

no one could hurt you again 

you’d be so bright 

and never feel pain again

Is there a purpose?

A question posed by Morgan  

yes

no

maybe

good question though

there isn’t an answer. until you die, that is.

maybe not even then

strange

Answered by Chole.

 

In my opinion, there is no purpose in life or death. Maybe we’ll find it one day, but at present moment, what is the purpose?

To constantly stress? I guess that is just the life of an MSA student. 

I think I’m going through an existential crisis. It has come to that time. Oh boy.  

So there’s this tag, that I thought that I would answer the questions from. I wanted to write some cool, funky, fresh intro but honestly the questions and answers should speak for themselves if I write this well enough. Here’s the website I got it from: https://www.themessyheads.com/new-gallery-2

Who are you when no on is looking?

A slower, less emotive version of myself. When no one is looking it’s almost like I stop emoting. Not because I don’t have emotions, but more of because when I emote I have to think so much about it, because I always want to make sure that I’m a certain version of myself. It changes with the certain people I’m with. I think the closest version of myself to if no one was looking is the self I’m with when I’m with my friend Cady. My state when no one is looking could be described as comfortable silence. 

What does it mean to be you? 

I can’t tell if this means like ME, Emerson Moffatt Hultman, or just someone in general. Since I’m me, I’ll answer how to be me. Around people, the key is being energetic, verging on ditsy. I know people would never say it but I think a good descriptor of me is ditsy even though I’m really not. Just a lil’ airheaded. But the other side is inquisitive! Surprisingly, I have a lot of thoughts and questions inside this head. I think to be me is a balance of being lively and more gentle. 

How might friends describe you?

I already kind of said this, but ditsy, for sure. Lovable. Child-like. Needs to be protected. I don’t know, that’s how I feel like people view me. Maybe that’s just the youngest child in me, but I feel like people always have this want to protect me. Like a puppy you found on the side of the road. Which don’t get me wrong I like being cared for sometimes, but I also don’t want to lose any respect because of this. I can make my own decisions. I have thoughts that could maybe mean something. I feel like the person I display sometimes comes off as too dumb sometimes.

How does that differ from who you actually are?

I mean I am those things, but I think my real self is just wiser than one might thing. And maybe that’s extremely egotistical of me to think. Maybe I am just a child growing up that doesn’t know much, but a part of me believes that I have thoughts that are growing into something meaningful. Maybe that small part is the real me. 

Talk about your hardships.

I have negative EIGHT vision, which means without glasses or contacts I’m very blind. My dog Libby is almost fourteen meaning, she is close to death. My house burned down when I was three, right after my parents separated. I’ve done a lot of things for people I love, and despite those efforts they haven’t been enough. The other day I tripped on a rug and almost fell flat on my face. I failed two Zoology tests in a row. These aren’t it, but dang I can’t share all my trials and tribulations just yet.

Do you think you know yourself right now?

Not at all. I think for the first time in my life I’m learning to, but just because I’m learning doesn’t mean I KNOW KNOW. Not yet. 

What are you passionate about?

Photography, writing, and animals. Hence my want to be a wildlife photographer/wildlife photojournalist; haven’t really decided yet. I thought growing up I would HAVE to be a vet if I wanted to work with animals, but that’s not the case at all. It might seem like a weird thing to want to be, but I think it fits me so well. Which may be wrong since I don’t know myself too well yet. 

How do you think about where you grew up?

I grew up in two different parts of Mississippi: Ecru and Oxford. These two are polar opposites. Ecru is too close minded for me. It’s the typical small, southern, baptist town stereotype. Then in sixth grade, I moved to Oxford. While I love Oxford, and it’s such a progressive, lovely town, I think for teens it can be extremely toxic. I describe the high-school life there, as “pre-college.” There’s this even bigger need to feel older and be a college kid since it’s a college town, and I think it’s a real problem for it’s students. 

Talk about a moment that changed you.

I’m not going to go into detail, but sitting in my best friend’s car one night, I just asked her a question, and she answered, and then there was silence. And I think her support and love really changed me in that moment. I could feel it in the silence in the car. 

What is your greatest attribute?

I love hard. For most people. I think this to me translates into me being easy-going, but really I just don’t want conflict, and want people to be happy. Maybe this isn’t a great attribute for m e, but it helps others, and that’s okay with me. 

What is your biggest accomplishment?

Getting through the worst part of my life in one piece. September-December of 2018 was so mentally difficult, but somehow I managed to get all A’s and make friends and learn to be kind to myself, and I’m so proud that I did that. It’s not easy still, but I did it!!!

What is your biggest failure?

Letting myself go Sophomore year. I didn’t do the things I should have to pull me through and make the grades I should have, and I regret it a lot. I think I blame my mental illness too much on it. I wish I would have kept my grades up. I felt like the school year of 2017-2018 was a stagnant growing year and I hate that.  

Do you love yourself if not, why not?

I don’t. There’s so many factors that play into that. Appearance, personality, etc. I think that it’s possible for others to love themselves, and maybe even it’s just a love they’re born with, not a journey they have to go on. I’d for sure have to go on a journey to love myself, and it’s just not on the top of my to-do list right now. I’m trying to focus on getting through to summer while spending as much time with my friends before they graduate. Maybe this summer will be the summer I get around to finding myself and loving myself, but that’s a really big task. Rewarding, but daunting.

Do you believe in yourself?

Depends on what I’m doing. I know I can write a killer essay, but I also know that I can’t solve an algebraic equation to save myself. So, yes, I believe in myself to a certain extent. 

What is your first thought in the morning?

I honestly don’t think I start actually thinking until afternoon, so N/A is my answer.

Who are you at the core of yourself?

How can I know that if I haven’t even found myself yet? Geesh. 

What are you trying to do with your life?

Survive until at LEAST 24. 

What advice do you have to give?

Not only know the difference between Love and Infatuation, but learn how to know if someone else has Love for you or Infatuation for you. 

Have you found yourself?

This question seems redundant. Maybe not. Maybe knowing yourself and finding yourself are different things, but no to both. 

What does society prevent you from being?

I honestly don’t think society is what’s holding me back, I think it’s just me. Do I count as society in this instance? 

Everyone i meet knows something I do not. what do you know that I don’t?

A tree fell in my backyard, and took down an entire post. No one noticed. I only figured it out because my dog, Sarah, kept getting out of the fence and I had to figure out where she was getting out. A whole tree in my backyard. Not a single soul noticed. People are so oblivious to their own surroundings. They’re missing so much. 

What code of morals do you live by?

Do things because a better outcome will come for others, not for yourself. This might be bad advice but that’s how I try to live. 

What do others assume about you because of your appearance?

I have no substance to me. I’m NoT lIkE oThEr GiRlS!!!!!!

i had forgotten what is was like to be loved

maybe I had just never felt it 

I was lied to 

I was never felt 

or seen 

I was only touched 

or gawked at 

until you 

who looks past my skin 

into the muscles that move only for you 

who feels me 

every freckle and scar

it has been so long since someone worked to have me 

actually 

it never has happened 

you are a daydream I had when I was young

how is it that you feel just like it?

how is it that no matter what you do I crave you?

you don’t have to be perfect for me 

you can be impatient 

short tempered

as long as you come back down to love me 

as long as you keep looking at me the way you do 

I can still see the love in your eyes through the blaze

I can see the future in your calloused hands