Category: Junior Literary

I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to post something this personal. I find it hard to reveal stuff about myself to other people, but I’ve been trying new things.

I wrote this with every piece of my heart. Enjoy 🙂

 

Dear Brianna,

What you’re feeling is okay. I know sometimes it won’t feel okay, but it is. It is okay to not be okay and it is okay to be just okay. You don’t always have to be good. You don’t always have to smile when you’re hurting. It is okay to show pain, to show vulnerability. It is okay to ask for help, even if you feel like you’re bothering someone. It is okay to open up and stop keeping everything so bottled up. Say what you feel. If something has upset you, don’t pretend that it didn’t. You are worthy of happiness.

It is okay to be scared. Everyone is. Everything is changing. Your friends are changing. Your family is changing. You’re changing. Let the people around you help when they offer. It’s okay to be scared of asking for what you want, but closed mouths don’t get fed. Remember the worst that can happen is they say no. The world won’t end. The sun will rise, and we will try again.

Remember that you are young. You don’t need to be so serious all the time. It is okay to be silly and wild. That’s what teenagers do. Have fun. Scratch that; have a BLAST. Make drastic decisions, regret them, rinse, repeat. This is the time to experiment with new things. This is the youngest you’ll ever be. Live it up!

It is okay to love deeply. It is okay to give your all to someone you love. It is okay to trust others, even if you get hurt. These years are trial and error. Nothing is right. It is okay to let go. You don’t have to  hold grudges because someone has hurt you in the past. It is okay to forgive someone who hasn’t apologized.

It is okay to make new friends even though your friends back home forbid it. You don’t have to be miserable for the sake of someone else’s feelings. They will make new friends just like you will. Nothing is permanent. Most people that come in your life will be a lesson but there will be a few blessings. You will find your blessing.

It is okay to be confused about everything. Nobody blames you. Nobody is judging you. They’re confused, too. Everyone is confused. Nobody has everything planned out. And even if they do, their plans will change. So will yours. Change your mind. Change it again. You have nothing but time. Make mistakes. Make them again, because who ever really learns the first time? You will make mistake after mistake after mistake but you’ll get it right. Don’t hold your downfalls against yourself.

It is okay to want to stay in your room forever and ever. But don’t. Go out. Explore. Explore some more. Meet new people. Smile at strangers. Compliment things you like. I’m sure that cashier wasn’t weirded out when you told her how beautiful her lipstick looked against her skin. You have always found beauty in everything you see. Continue to do that. Tell your friends you love them. You don’t have to talk everyday to know that they love you, and that you love them. You are young adults now. You can put yourself first for the first time in your life.

It is okay to miss people who are no longer apart of your life.  Remember that what is meant to be will be. Not everything will play out the way you want but it will play out the way you need. Remember that even if everybody leaves, you have you. You will always have you. Learn to go out and have fun but also learn to enjoy your own company. Talk to yourself if you need to. Encourage yourself. Love yourself.

It is okay to want to sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s. But don’t. Your happiness is just as important as the next persons. And most of all, it is okay to be you. You are interesting. You are worthy of everything you want in life. 

Forever and always,

Brianna

Everyone, I’m sure, feels at some point they are incapable of being loved. Not the unconditional love your parents, siblings, grandparents, and other family feel for you, but the love it seems you have to work to earn. I’ve felt this way for years, however, it wasn’t until someone else that I care about told me they felt the same way that I realized It wasn’t my fault. It’s not anything I did or said, and it’s not anything about me that makes people treat me the indifferent way they do. It’s not that you can’t be loved, it’s that people our age are too immature and self-centered that they don’t “waste” their time on other people to love. It’s the kind of love you have to work for to earn that is nearly impossible to feel because desperately, you work to earn it, but the other person doesn’t work to give it.

You can’t go through this life hopelessly looking for people to love you so you can find love for yourself. All you will find is disappointment, and the reinforced lie that you aren’t lovable will seem to have more truth. we base what we believe on experience and perspective. If you base your worth on the way people act and what they say, you will never find love for yourself. Even if what they say is kind and complementary, you can’t rely on it to boost your confidence. You have to allow yourself to love yourself and find that part of you, and not expect those around you to do it for you. In the end, all you have is yourself and the feelings you create.

I’m not writing this to talk about how people are the worst (which they often are), but I’m writing this to give you the advice to love yourself. People will respect you and love you so much more if you respect and love yourself. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible.

 

 

At the end of every month this year, I will briefly summarize the preceding days. You may read this one in September because blogs are posted every Wednesday, but, after all, August has not yet come to a close. Anyway, I hope this series will serve as a time capsule of sorts and that I can read them in the future. And perhaps, if you are curious about MSA, you can have a glimpse of the school through my perspective. I also plan on describing my auditioning process as well as other interesting topics revolving around MSA (I know that Hannah already covered her auditioning journey, but I feel that multiple perspectives never pose a problem). In short, I hope this brief series captures your interest in some way.

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August, I can only say wow.

So much has happened during this month. For starters, I switched schools and became a student at MSA, which kind of set off a chain reaction. In about four weeks, I have learned a lot, and I feel that I have even grown as a person. Four weeks!

Anyway, I have experienced what living in a dorm with a roommate entails. If you fear this, I promise that it is not as bad as it seems. And I love our room despite its quirks; I love the drawers and my large desk and the view from the window, and I love having a room that seems like my room. Surprisingly, it is a home away from home.

I also love the campus. Trees dot the entirety of it, and there are even three ginkgo trees. My break consists of me sitting on a bench beneath a tree while eating an orange or a Reese’s, which I look forward to for some reason. But, yes, the campus grows on you. Sometimes you just want to sit in the grass and write poetry about tacos, and this place has a lot of grass.

But, spoiler alert, you will miss your cat. You will miss them terribly, and you will look at old photos with your heart torn in half. Hug them while you still can.

I love the library. I just love it.

Also, I have learned a lot. Sometimes I do not feel any progression, but I have, in fact, progressed. I am back to my history rants, and I am actually writing! That sounds ridiculous, but I never imagined that I would write a poem about biscuits or a short story based in eighteenth century London. In the past, I only had time for poetry or prose or an aimless story. But now I am challenged to explore what writing is actually about, and I have grown from the tattered notebooks I used to fill with a hapless dribble of thought. Before I came here, I feared that I would despise writing, but I have surprised myself by enjoying it even more.

All in all, if you have your heart set on MSA, I would recommend preparing yourself. Be ready to exercise responsibility, and be ready to take on a hefty load of work. But if you persevere, you will enjoy yourself here. You will laugh a lot and talk to interesting people and watch yourself grow along with your art. I recommend applying because MSA will definitely surprise you.

According to Tolerance.org, the n-word is “the ultimate insult— a word that has tormented generations of African Americans. Yet over time, it has become a popular term of endearment by the descendants of the very people who once had to endure it.” To me, it is a derogatory term that I don’t use. However, when this topic first arose, I instantly wanted to know more about it. As a person of mixed race, I felt that— to talk about the issue— I needed more insight into the people of the black community who use the word. I interviewed my fellow students right here at MSA as well as a former classmate at my previous school. Here’s what they had to say:

Do you use the n-word?  Why or why not?

“No, I don’t because I find it very degrading,” says Elijah Karriem, an MSA vocal.

Another vocal student, Cedrick Smith, agreed with Karriem’s response, saying that the word derives from hate. However, there are many other students who do use the word for a variety of reasons.

For example, Carter Skipwith, an MSA literary student, said:  “Yes, I grew up in an all-black neighborhood. It was the ghetto, I guess. Also, my school was majority black. My friends said it, my classmates said it, a lot of adults in my life said it, so I said ‘Okay, this is common’. Now that I’m older and around different groups of people, I have to understand that not everyone takes it as lightly as me. I probably use it the way people use crap, like ‘oh crap!’. That’s just how I was raised. My mom doesn’t say it though, but my grandma says it and she’s like my second mom.”

Stephyne Weathersby, MSA literary, says this about the word: “I never say it as a demeaning word. The way the word originated is horrible, but I think the black community turned the word from something that was demeaning into something you can bond with; it’s a connection among black people, ya’know? It’s so beautiful how we’ve transformed this word.”

Weathersby’s response prompted me to ask the very question that this piece is entitled.

Do you think that the n-word is creating a community or repeating a cycle of hate?

Smith says, “Racism is in the DNA of America, and words like that are what keep racism in the threads of America. If we keep using it as a free slang word, we are basically whitewashing our own history. So, it is repeating a cycle of hate.”

On the contrary, Skipwith says, “I feel like it just depends. I feel like it could build a community if people weren’t so hateful, but it all depends on what you’ve been taught. If people didn’t teach hate with that word, I believe that it could build a community. It would break a racial barrier; it would break a cultural difference, but there are still people in the world teaching and rehearsing hate. Honestly, though, we could just get rid of the word in general— there’s so many possibilities.”

However, a student from my former school said this, “Well, I am white, which shouldn’t make a difference, but no. However, I believe that it was once used to degrade a community, so I wouldn’t recommend affiliating it with one.”

Because this student is not a person of color, I asked the controversial question:

Do you think that people of other ethnicities should use the n-word?

He says, “I believe that, in a way, that’s using something that was once used against the oppressed to oppress others, which I can understand, but I don’t believe is okay. It’s still oppression, just less direct. I believe everyone should use the word or no one.”

Similarly, Smith says, “It’s a word that’s used so freely that most people don’t understand the severity of it. The way the black community uses the word makes other people feel like they can use the word, as well. And if you say that the word is being used for good now, then you can’t tell others they can’t use it because then what good is that doing?”

However, Weathersby says, “I wish we could go back to the time where that word didn’t mean what it means, but it does. There’s no changing that, so respect has to be given. I’d feel so uncomfortable if a white person was talking to me they called me a nigga like that’s hands-off because that makes me feel like they’re talking above me because that’s what the word meant. So, that’s just how I feel about white people saying it. I don’t think they should say it. And the white people who think it’s fun and cool to say, I look at them in a certain way because that’s not fun or cool for them to say because they don’t know the background of it, ya know? And there’s some white people who don’t think it’s a big deal, but you have to make them realize that it is a big deal. Because some schools haven’t even ever really taught black history, so they really don’t know. Like you know Martin, you know Malcolm, but you don’t really go into it, and that’s a problem. That’s a real problem.”

The n-word has been desensitized. It is a word that’s used so commonly and freely that most people don’t know the history of it, like Weathersby and Smith said. So, I asked another MSA student what they thought.

Azya Lyons, a literary arts student, said this: “It does, but it shouldn’t make them too comfortable to where they feel like it resonates with them. It shouldn’t because it just doesn’t.”

Furthermore, Skipwith says, “I think that the n-word has been desensitized to us as a way to get rid of “racism”. People will try to say that we shouldn’t dwell on that, but it happened, and it’s still not fixed. Saying the n-word so loosely has been implemented in the black community which makes others think that it’s okay to say it. But I think it started as a way to try and eliminate racism, but it’s not working. And the word still has underlying racist tones. And we’re trying to use something that was hateful before to make peace and it’s just not working. It’s just black people saying, ‘That’s our word and we gone reclaim it, but you best not’.”

 

[Part 2 coming soon]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From an early age I was scared of new  people. I have multiple stories of embarrassing occurrences because of this. I want to share them with you, and also show you how I have changed over the years.

Embarrassing Situation #1

It was the night we were to take my brother to karate. I brought my coloring books, and my brother brought his karate clothes. At the time, my brother was trying to convince me to join karate. I always made up the excuse that I was mean enough to protect myself. I was only around 7.

So I sat outside the dojo with my coloring books. I even acquired a new friend who colored with me. Until, the urge to use the restroom came (oh no).

You would think that I would just go in there and ask my dad to take me. In fact, I did walk in there, but I got really scared. Scared of what? The sensei, because he frightened me for no real reason.

I headed back outside, and was in distress. My coloring books could not keep my mind off of my bladder. So then, the sidewalk turned into liquid.

I lost my new friend that day (which is understandable). I was mortified, and my dad wondered why I didn’t ask him. It seemed simple to him, but I was extremely shy.

Embarrassing (just sad actually) Situation #2

In 3rd grade I went to a private school. I grew up with the people around me, and became close to them. It was a church-school, so I went to church there. It was like my safe place. Until we went to another church.

It’s sad really, because I was in 8th grade back then (which wasn’t long ago). I was so awkward when I went to this new church. I despised going to their youth group. Why? Because everyone had their cliques, and I was over there being friends with the teacher. Now that’s pretty sad.

You could argue that I was more mature than my peers, and I preferred more intelligent conversations. That’s not the case though. I wanted to make friends, but I never did. I always made things uncomfortable.

Sad Situation #3

Yeah, I cannot call this embarrassing anymore because it is just sad…

It was 2019 in the summer, and I was at an event with several people I didn’t know. I started to look around, and all of the sudden my breath started to quicken. My eyes widened, and I teared up. I drank my drink a little to fast. My mom was concerned.

I had to go to the restroom. I couldn’t let people see me cry. I closed the bathroom stall and cried. It was too much for me. I couldn’t take it.

I went back into the event room, and my breath started to quicken again. My mom realized it was because of the people. We went outside and I started hyperventilating, and apologizing.

Maybe I wasn’t just shy after all. Maybe it was more than that…

Me Currently (not a sad situation):

I have been doing much better since I have been at MSA. Sure, there is a lot of people, but they are my people. It has really allowed me to be myself, and not think too much about my social anxiety.

Yes, it is much more than just shyness. It does not define who I am though! My social events throughout life have been awkward, but I am okay with that.

Although, I still have a rough time, I want to encourage others like me to not discredit yourself. Even though you may be the one that sits in the corner, or even uses your phone as a crutch, you are much more than your anxiety (or even shyness). You have your very own lovely personality, and don’t let anyone cover over that with the label: shy person.

Social situations are too much sometimes. I understand how you feel, but I know you are more than that. You’ve got this, I believe in you 😉

Enjoy!! Hopefully I put you on some bops!

If any of you are like me, then you STRUGGLE to find a cute Instagram caption that isn’t too “Hey, look at me! I know I’m pretty and I want everyone else to know that too, so I’m going to use this super vain song lyric!” But, you also don’t want something boring like an emoji because you can’t find the caption, y’ know?

Lucky for you, I keep lyrics in my notes that I might use one day as a caption and I decided to share them with you. I know, I know, I’m just so nice. You’re welcome.

Ok, I’m gonna stop rambling now and let you read the captions 🙂

 

“somewhere between in love and broken”- Again, Noah Cyrus ft. XXXTentacion

“you make my heart beat like the rain”- Electric Love, BORNS

“she’s sweet like candy in my veins”- Electric Love, BORNS

“you think you’re in love but you just wanna be loved” Anyone But You, Ava Max

“it’s like you’re on repeat” Alone, I Prevail

“’cause i’d rather be alone, but you’re fermented in my bones”- Habits Of My Heart, Jaymes Young

“i could show you love”- Safe and Sound, Capital Cities

“there’s no regrets, i just thought it was fun”- Heaven, Julia Michaels

“looks sweet, but the devil’s in the details”- Leviathan, G- Eazy ft. Sam Martin

“only time i feel pain is when i’m feeling love”- Everybody Dies In Their Nightmares, XXXTentacion

“love me, take me to outer space”- Electric, Alina Baraz ft. Khalid

“lost in between space and paradise”- Paradise Lost, John Gillies

“gold’s fake and real love hurts”- hostage, Billie Eilish

“do i cross your mind?”- BANG!, Trippie Redd

“been dyin’ to get you dizzy”- Dizzy On The Comedown, Turnover

“teenage dirtbag”- Teenage Dirtbag, Wheatus

“pardon the way that i stare, there’s nothing else to compare”- Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, Lauryn Hill

“hurts but i know how to hide it”- My Strange Addiction, Billie Eilish

“you know just how to hold a sucker down”- Make Me (Cry), Noah Cyrus ft. Labrinth

“trouble usually finds me”- Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

“i admit that i’m a ‘lil messed up, but i can hide it when i’m all dressed up”- needy, Ariana Grande

“better now”- better now, Post Malone

“just peachy”- unknown

“lost in a world that doesn’t exist”- Tumblr

“all the clouds in me are raining”- All The Clouds In Me Are Raining, Mister Write

“something’s on my mind, always in my head space”- lovely., Billie Eilish ft. Khalid

“if i’m religious, you’re the one that i believe in.”-Live Or Die, Noah Cyrus ft. Lil Xan

 

Most of these are song quotes but there are a few book quotes in there. Feel free to add a few of your own if you want. 🙂 peace out, girl scout.

I told Katie to pick A or B, and she picked B. So, I’m going to tell a story about something that starts with B.

Before I get into the story itself, I need to give a little Backstory. So, out of all of my immediate cousins on my Birth mother’s side, I am the 4th oldest; first, there’s Tristian, then Blarrington (we called him Boo-Boo), Shawn, then me, then Shaykera (Shay and I were Born in the same year; I was May, she was August). So, Being that Shay and I were the oldest girls, we had the longer legs, so were  the faster of the girls. And, even though Shay and I are the same age, I’m taller, so my legs were even longer. That will come into play around, roughly, the middle of the story.

So, one very hot and humid day in the Delta (Greenville, to Be exact), my cousins and I were at our grandparents’ house. I, at the time, was about 7 or 8. We were sentenced outside, my grandmother had gotten mad at us for stabbing an air mattress with a fork, and we were Bored out of minds Because our newest past time activity was ripped away from us By an angry 50-something year old lady. We were over it.

Side note; on her land, she had a nicely sized front yard. On that front yard, there was a drive way made of rocks. Nice, shiny, harmless rocks.

Or so I thought.

 

While Shawn and I were deliberating what to do, Bailey, the Baby of all the children, Began to look around. She didn’t seem to Be looking for anything specifically, But she did seem interested in the pretty, shiny rocks, so none of us thought anything of it. Then Shawn and I had the most Beautiful idea known to man: we are going to race a half mile down the street to the park, turn around at the park, race Back to the house, and the first one Back would get someone else to steal them an extra Popsicle.  With the stakes Being so high, we had to really show out, or we could kiss that ‘sicle goodbye.

 

Shawn and I went first, beings that we were the older ones. After us would be Shay and Corrine, after that Niema and Niami (they’re twins), then Bailey to bring up the rear.

Shawn and I go, and almost immediately, I face plant. I fell hard, earning me a bruised ribcage and ego, Bloody hand, and probably a minor concussion. But, I refused to get out of that race. So, I get up and I haul……Butt. And, pretty soon, he and I are neck and neck. Then, the others start to file in behind us. So, we get to the park, we turn, and I’m in the lead. And, about half way Back to the trailer, I feel a sharp pain in the Bruised side of my Body. I fall out, hollering in anguish and Shawn sits Beside me.  He’s yelling and looks at Bailey, a sharp rock in her little chubby fist.

So, long story short, no one in my family knows about this story except for the kids involved, and even then they most likely forgot about it. And, Boy did I enjoy my extra Popsicle.

 

 

I promise this story is true.

It’s time for round two for the playlist of the month! September has just started, so you know I got you. The songs featured are not new songs I found this more like songs for the fall vibe. With that being said I hope you enjoy!