diamonds and why bread is better

i’ve been baking bread for about three years now – i started with pita, continued to challah, and now, i can make some of the best rolls in the tri-state area. they’re fluffy, buttery, soft, and the perfect base to fill with cheese and pepperoni to make pizza rolls. here’s the kicker: they take 4 hours to make. an hour in total to prepare the dough, an hour rising, 30 minutes to shape, another hour to rise, then 30 minutes to bake.

learning to maintain the patience in baking bread is not an easy skill to learn, and if you don’t have the self-control, can produce subpar results. you have to let it rise and rest, or the gluten won’t develop, and the bread can become flat, flavorless, or just inedible. rising time is how bread develops and grows.

diamonds are formed under pressure. carbon is compressed and crystallized until a clear, shiny, pristine crystal appears.

diamonds cannot be made without pressure, and bread cannot be made without rest.

many high school students are sharing their experience of “gifted kid burnout,” explaining how the American school system has failed them. they try their best, but experiences and educational opportunities have been overtaken by standardized measurements of who someone else wants us to be, and arguably? indoctrinating us to become political pawns in their crooked game of chess, capitalism, and greed.

students learn differently. some need stress, others need rest. to treat a student like their intelligence and worth is determined out of a percentage is inhumane and unreal. where did we go wrong? when did we standardize children? and how to we go back in time to make sure students feel able to become the person they want to be, without fear of failing the system they were raised in?

Pick a Spot, Picnic!!!

Picnics in the park have never been anything less than a vibe.  Cirrus clouds float over your head as trees rustle gently in the background. The soft material of the blanket contrasts with the occasional prickly touch of grass. The warmth of the hidden sun kissing your exposed skin gives you a feeling of peace and comfort. A specialized playlist of your favorite songs play quietly in the background as your thoughts run rapid. Your chest rises and falls to the rhythm of the passing footsteps. Finally, your soul feels at peace.

Doesn’t that just sound swell? (the answer is yes, yes it does!!) Can’t you imagine the scenery around you as you lie without a single worry? This may sound boring to some people.(i don’t know how.) If being completely at a tranquil state doesn’t seem so appealing to you, a picnic can still be fun.

You can watch a movie during your picnic, create art, learn an instrument, improve your terrible British accent (not to brag, but my accent is pretty darn good). A picnic doesn’t always have to be quiet. I personally love picnics, they’re one of my favorite past times.

I plan on taking full advantage of MSA’s  beautiful campus. Beautiful trees are spread all throughout, providing shade and a nice breeze. I even brought a blanket I plan to use solely for the purpose of having a picnic. If you ever see me having a solo picnic, please feel free to join!!!

Usually on my picnics I pick a random playlist and let it play. While it plays, I try to journal or doodle in whatever book I may have brought along. 

Pick a spot and picnic, friends. You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

 

Italian’s Do It Better

Heyy. *in Wendy Williams voice* How you doin?

So, here I am. There you are. We are going to talk about cooking.

I used to want to be a chef when I was a child. (A baker if we are getting all technical about it. ) Through a series of events though, I changed my mind. I have never really thought about the fact until recently. Out of the blue I felt a rekindling for the fun of cooking. There is an emotion you get when you cook something good for someone, and they enjoy it. It’s one of those warm feelings that help you remember why you get up in the morning. So satisfying. 

I recalled this because I recently got the nice urge to be nice while staying with my two brothers in their apartment. I told them I would try and cook like gourmet meals every night. Well, due to another series of unfortunate events, that turned into only one night of the week. What I did cook though, was fabulous. I served the children a nice Creamy Tuscan Chicken Roll on a bed of spinach with cheesy fettuccine on the side and a couple meat calzones. It was an Italian’s wet dream, and they loved it.

This meal was no joke though. It was actually very hard to make for me, only a novice to intermediate chef. 

The Creamy Tuscan Chicken Roll. This one took the most time and was the one I was also most worried of preparing because the process involved never performed procedures. At least, by me. I had to split the raw chicken breasts in half and then smash it like there was no tomorrow. My brothers didn’t have a rolling pin or meat tenderizer though. Instead, I had to use what we had in the toolbox, a hammer. Then, I would put sun dried tomatoes and spinach and other things on that and roll it up tightly. The fridge cooled them down which helped solidify the rolls.

The sauce that went on top of them was not hard to make, at all, I just never had made a sauce that dealt with like flour and heavy cream and stuff like that. It paired nicely, and once that was done, I started frying the chicken rolls.

This part was what I was scared for because we don’t really fry in my house, so I’m not used to it. I knew then, this was gonna be a trip. And it was. I first off made a genuine mess trying to get a hammered chicken roll in the egg wash, flour, and breadcrumbs. Chile…anyways. Once I set them in the oil, I realized that the oil might’ve been too hot. The outside was cooking way quicker than the inside. I didn’t wanna serve raw chicken and give the whole house food poisoning cause that’s not my place to be doin’ that.

What gives me the right? Ya know? 

Since I messed up, I had to stick them in the oven until they reached the correct temperature. 

The fettuccine was actually really easy. It came from a box. I just slapped some butter and milk in a pot and kept going with life. 

The calzones were not hard, but they took time. I had to make the dough, which would not stop sticking to my hands. Then, I had to put it in a bowl with some olive oil, and let it rest and grow. It was so sticky though, so I gave it a good bit of the oil. Maybe too much.  Yeah, with stuffing and wrapping those up my meal was complete.

It took me four hours to complete all the food. Obviously, if I knew what I was doing better it wouldn’t have taken so long. I definitely could’ve managed my time better with when to prepare what, so everything was done at close to the same time. I would say the food was not Gordon Ramsey level, but it was still pretty decent. Honestly though, it was still super fun. If you ever get the chance to cook for some folks. Go and serve it up! 

 

no morals for an empath

if i had a dollar for every time i’ve heard a student here utter the words, “did someone say draco malfoy?” i wouldn’t even bother applying for scholarships. i kept telling myself it was just a meme, but my strong intuition pushed me to seek other answers. i procrastinated searching for aforementioned answers, but found them anyways – in a call with a long distance friend.

hunter and i talked for three hours, just catching up to see what each other was up to. the guy who introduced us is a mutual friend, and not always… the most pleasant of characters to work with. while being loyal and kind, he has his flaws as everyone does, like being standoffish and generally intimidating. i digress.

the most clarity came from our talks of toxicity in real life (our mutual friend) and how that applies to written characters, giving them a certain type of depth that you can’t find with a flawless character. you can’t empathize with someone who doesn’t have problems, and you can’t justify impulsive decisions if everything someone does is closely calculated.

someone is more likely to empathize with a character they know as broken – the heartbreaker who didn’t receive love from his mother, the manipulator who was abandoned her entire life, or the pessimist who has never had anyone to rely on to take care of them. these things may not be directly outlined, but they’re important parts of a character’s development to enrich a story.

characters are people, and they have a purpose, just as we do. flaws and all.

A Gay Blog

I am a gay male. If you have seen me or my mannerisms and style you should have probably gotten an idea by now. At this point, it is basically common knowledge.  I mean, sis- come on. I was writing my blog to express how it is, and what it is like for those of you who don’t have the gay best friend or are gay and know already.

Being gay is fun, confusing, and a little daring. The fun part comes in with our culture. Our activities of leisure and pleasure just far surpass the straights. We enjoy more wild adventures at our “place of meeting.” Lots of disco balls, LED lights flashing, and dancing with fellow creatures of the night. Whereas, a straight “place of meeting” there will mostly be high top tables, ESPN on the television, and a pool table. Which sounds like a better time to you?

 Oh boy.

Confusing. We do not always get the pass or privilege to publicly show who we like. A lot of places still do not accept “the Gays” as morally, or even legally, correct. I get it. We can be intimidating and sometimes a little loud, but at the same time we can make your fashion and interior design fabulous! This idea of being an outlier to society can begin to fester many negative related emotions about our selves. Many gays struggle with even internalized homophobia. This is where we may not like people who are “too gay” or constantly ask if our own actions as a gay person are “too gay.” It is a wicked battle that can sometimes lead to even more wicked coping mechanisms. 

The community can be toxic within itself due to the varying types of gays. Just a few are the athletics, theatre, femme, drag queens, closeted, baby gay, etc. The community will categorize into different stereotypes, and then hold stigmas or prejudice against one another. We do not stop there though Mary. No mam’. Then we categorize due to body types. You have your otters, twinks, bears, cubs, foxes, and jocks. These have entire meanings as well, and can usually be forcing on a gay to try and fit into one they deem supreme. Confusion, again. This is all one big mess that can be overwhelming if you do not have a good support system. 

Daring. This is one of the most tricky parts in my opinion. Straights are sometimes hard to identify. Especially now that our society is progressing towards a more open view and ” masculine and feminine” things. Thankfully, the lines are being blurred. The daring aspect comes in when you have to muster up the courage to ask someone if they want to be romantically involved in you. Half the time, they will be straight or still closeted, or even still have a wife. It can be such a letdown, especially how the person who a gay is asking reacts to it. That is hard for any sexuality though. Who wants to be rejected? Luckily, a good gay who has learned to heighten their senses and master their gaydar can notice the one gay in a room of 100. It is quite the feat that many do not accomplish fully until later years. Although, sometimes it can be a helpful means to survival and finding where the gays are, so a gay knows they’re safe. 

This is only the tip of the iceberg with gay culture and subcultures. There is so much to it that would take an entire book probably to explain. Gays are if nothing else, a lot. I can say that cause I’m gay though. 

If you or someone you know has “the gay,” then please be kind to them and try and be understanding/empathetic of what they may be facing. Thank you. 🙂

Pokemon Sword Review

In this blog post, I will be reviewing the Nintendo game Pokemon Sword.

This new region of Galar was very controversial; however, I think the game was very well done.  The main issue people had was there not being a national dex of all the Pokemon, but with close to 1,000 monsters and growing I think it is very reasonable to leave out some that do not really fit the region.  Especially since some more ‘mons were added into the game in the DLC’s that unlocked new parts of the region.  Another issue with the dex is they had all the Pokemon appear in the wild and be able to see all of them fully animated, and cutting a few out defiantly cut the time it would take and possible lag of the over world being quite literally overrun with creatures.  There is actually a very logical reason for this to happen now.  With the introduction of Pokemon Let’s Go! Pikachu and Eevee on the switch (and possibly Sun and Moon, I am unaware because I never got a chance to explore these regions as I did not have the 3DS) the creatures appeared as animated 3D models.  With only the few 151 Kanto Pokemon (and even less that appear in the wild) this feature would have been no problem to pull off by the Gamefreak team; however, when that number gets multiplied by 10, you not only run into workload problems but also potential bugs and glitches that this would lead to, so it only made sense that at some point they would decide to limit the number of ‘mons in one place at one time.  

Of course, my opinion on Galar might be a bit biased as It was my first normal Pokemon game since Let’s GO! Eevee was a bit different than how Pokemon games usually work.  Then again I am here to express my opinions, and they are mostly positive, but I will try to be as honest as I can.  For one thing, I loved the story, it was very immersive and never left me bored.  I also really liked Hop’s story arch as it was relatable to be the overlooked little sibling.  The gym leaders where all full of personality and you could really tell what they were all about.  While Marnie was not the most challenging Rival, I really liked her design; however, Team Yell was a bit dumb in my opinion, and really did not pose much of a threat. It did add a bit of depth to the fact many people wanted Marnie to win and would do whatever they could to ensure her victory.  It has been a while since I played the main story, but I think Marnie also gets stronger as the game progresses.  Although I think I managed to have an undefeated run of the main story arch, I still did not feel I was being babied to get to win.  Especially the later battles in the game, they kept me on the edge of my seat, which is exactly what I like to see from this kind of game.

On another note, the music in this game was incredible!  It really added the feeling of being in a battle in a coliseum (or maybe not in Pieres’ case, sorry Pieres.)  It just really added to the emersion of the game and made the right emotions all tie together correctly.  Also on Bede’s note, I thought he was a girl a good way into the game, and apparently, other people had this same confusion, so maybe that could be cleared up a little bit better, or maybe Beder- I’m sorry. 

This is getting kind of long so I will continue my review in next week’s blog… 

You’re Not A Monster

       Hey Babygirl,

It’s ok

You’re not a monster

 

They’re wrong about you

You’re not a demon

 

You have reasons for 

Behaving like this

 

You were sweet and naive and innocent

And that wasn’t good enough for them

 

So they chewed you up and spit you out

 

They created that nasty version of that sweet girl you are

 

And now they’re afraid of you

 

It’s alright

It’s ok

 

You won’t always be this broken forever

 

And until you are better,

I will be there for you everyday

 

To hug you

To kiss your head when you cry

To tell you that you’re not a monster

You’re just a sad blue little girl

 

Who was thrown to the wolves 

As a baby

Grew up there

And survived

You are striving to do the best you can

 

And I’m so proud of you

 

Love,

Mami

What Do I Want to Do With My Life?

“So, what do you want to do with your life?”

It’s a question that’s haunted me for many, many years now. Always in the back of my mind and scooping at my brain matter with knives and spoons. It devoured my mental health daily with a resounding burp. It was scary not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and I really had no idea. 

For a while, I was determined on going into criminal justice or the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI, but I eventually realized it wasn’t for me. Researcher, lawyer, psychiatrist, screenwriter— they all passed through my mind, and for a decent amount of time, too. Every few months I felt like I knew exactly what I wanted, but now I think I really do.

Every person who’s been through even a bit of high school has that one teacher or faculty member who made things bearable for them. In between long, boring classes filled with subtle bullying and busy work, there was one teacher that always knew how to engage the class and make people excited to come—someone who was always there to help students out and listen to what they had to say. I want to be that person. I want to make high school bearable for those who need it and to be the person struggling kids can confide in if they need help. It doesn’t even need to be a teacher position either; I could become a school counselor or psychologist and still achieve my goal.

I’ve always had this desire to change the world or leave my mark. I’m pretty sure everyone has. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that desire can’t be fulfilled by everyone. So why not try and change the lives of as many individual people as possible? That’s something everyone has the power to do, and I want to be able to make life just a bit easier for the ones who arguably need it the most: high school students.

Suicide is the third leading cause of teenage death in America, and although this is a very complex topic, I know from experience that an unhealthy school environment only worsens the mental health of those already struggling and can raise the numbers exponentially. If I can save at least one child from ending their blooming life and becoming another statistic, I would consider my wish to be fulfilled.

Let’s Get Vulnerable.

Vulnerability has never really been a strong suit of mine. It’s something about being so open and loud about the emotions I harbor that make my stomach turn. 

I feel the most vulnerable when I am writing. Writing allows me to release the words and expressions I dare not say out loud. Universe forbid that I ever say “I miss you” to someone. That’s more pride than it is vulnerability, but the two stand hand in hand for me.

Getting me to open up to you is basically getting me to say “I love and I trust you, take my heart now.” It’s like getting to the core of an artichoke or opening up one door just to find a locked safe. You may think you know so much about me, but you’ve really just scratched the surface.

I don’t like to think of myself as “complicated” or “hard to understand”. I just don’t allow everyone to pick at the complexities of my heart, mind and soul. That’s what being vulnerable feels like. It feels like you’re the main event at an open arena show. All eyes on you’re. You’re the star of the evening. NO THANK YOU!! I am just fine sitting backseat until I choose to drive. 

Being vulnerable is a choice. Vulnerability allows stable, healthy relationships. It helps to build character. I know that if I want to maintain certain relationships and friendships that I must allow vulnerability to pierce my heart and strain it in front of the ones I want to truly see me.

Let’s get vulnerable. Times not slowing down. We’re getting older and wiser. Don’t let a little vulnerability keep you hidden away from the truth that resides in you.

Until next time Friends,

A southern girl who wants to open up.

Take A Challenge

Does anybody else ever just want to retire from sight? Like, just for a moment, disappear or vanish, maybe pause time? 

I think it is a normal way to react to stress. It’s a normal way to react to pressure. I think its normal to want to escape from a hard situation. 

But there are also good ‘hard situations’. Like all these classes at MSA. For a lot of people, its probably a new challenge, a welcomed change from the standard boring and slow school work we would be getting at our old schools. Well, it’s like that for me anyway. 

I know that I had been complaining to my mother how bored I would get in class, just filling in the blanks, feeling as if I hadn’t learned a thing. Now all of a sudden – BAM! – I’m at a school for the Arts!! The one thing that most regular schools never seem to deem important! And during the drive up here when coming for my auditions, my mom had reminded me of all the times I had wished for a challenge. She told me “You asked for a challenge, now you’re bout to get one!” 

My point is, I took a risk, a very nerve-racking, stressful, and very much straight-out-of-the-blue risk. And yes, I’m getting the challenge I asked for. Yes, I’m staying up way past an appropriate bedtime. And yes, I have absolutely no time management skills and end up doing all my projects the day before they’re due (a bad habit I know, but I’m working on it).  But I’m going to say “IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!!!!” 

And as I sit here – in my super-duper penguin-freezing room, snuggled under my blankets because the thermostat won’t make it warmer – writing this the night before it’s due, I realize that I have met so many new, exciting, and bizarre people, tried cafeteria food on a daily bases, and have teachers who go so far to make sure we, as students of MSA, have every opportunity available to go farther than we could ever dream.