how msa auditions went from a junior’s perspective

Hello everyone, it’s lovely to be back with another blog. Over the weekend I had the privilege to see the potential upcoming juniors audition. I would love to share with you my experience seeing them, and the hopes for our future here at MSA.


It was a Friday afternoon. I was so pumped to be an arts ambassador. I waited patiently for the people auditioning to arrive. When it was around 2:30 they came. Sure, I was a tad bit sleepy, but was thrilled to see them. You see, I was in their place the year before too. It was scary, trust me, but the arts ambassadors made me feel so comforted. I knew I wanted to do the same for these wonderful people. So when the first auditioner came, everyone was so excited. We talked to each person that came in. That night there was only visuals and literaries. I, being a literary, was super excited to see the future literary class. 

It got to the time when the literaries had to audition. I’m pretty sure I was more nervous than they were, haha. They were all so mature, and chill. This one group talked about anime with me, and I wished them the best of luck for their auditions. After I left them, so they could get to writing, I sat downstairs hoping for the best. 

Then there was the visual auditions after the literary auditions were up. I went back upstairs to grab those who were visuals. I had time to talk to them, and ask them about themselves. Then, they went inside to draw for auditions. At the end of the day, I was so worn out, but snacks helped keep me afloat. I led most of the people back from their interviews, while eating gold fish graham crackers. After it was all finished, I was fast asleep in the bed.

On Saturday, I woke up at 7 a.m. I went down to eat breakfast, and people were already there. They said that this was a small group auditioning this year, but it seemed pretty large to me. I talked to several potential students, and was pleasantly surprised with how talented each one of them were.

Throughout the day, I was rooting for everyone to give it their all. I found some friends that I had met beforehand, and escorted them to auditions. I was so proud of every single one of them. They had the courage to give it their all. To put their raw work out there. It was so inspiring. It made me feel nostalgic about my time auditioning. 

All in all, I’m looking at a bright 2022 class next year. I think they are going to bring much positivity back to MSA. They are already so talented, and I know they will grow so much. Good luck to everyone waiting on your audition letter! And know that you gave it your best shot.

Maple 😉

My Strange Interest In Organizing

The following is a list of things I’ve taken a strange interest in recently:

Bullet journaling- 

   

Bullet journaling is a way of journaling that can track your day to day habits and happenings. It’s half organizing/planning and half making an aesthetic journal. As much as I would like to partake in the lifestyle that is bullet journaling, I am not as patient and creative as I would need to be to fill out a whole journal.

So what do I do instead? I watch other people fill them out!

I don’t know what exactly is so entertaining to me about watching people draw lines is journals for hours and hours. I have a hunch that I just watch videos about it because it makes me feel productive watching other people be productive (when in reality I’ve just been laying in my bed doing nothing).

The benefit of this is that it actually has been making me more productive. I guess watching other people work to improve their lives has finally pushed me to start doing it too. Linked above are two of my favorite bullet journaling videos! I highly recommend them for anyone who a) wants to get into bullet journaling, b) wants to get motivated to become more productive and efficient, or c) wants to watch other people be productive for fun!

Cleaning – 

I’m going to assume that everyone reading this knows what cleaning is. For me, cleanings can be many things. It can be simply cleaning up a small mess  I made or it can be vigorously scrubbing every surface in my room until there isn’t a speck of dust in sight. For me, having a clean area helps me focus and to be more productive. It also just makes me happy knowing that both of dorm room and room at home are neat and tidy at all hours of the day. Thus why most think of cleaning as a chore and I think of it as a hobby of sorts.

Organizing – 

A list within a list about things I’ve organized:

  • my room (home & MSA)
  • my closest (home & MSA)
  • my bookshelf (home & MSA)
  • my backpack
  • my desk drawers (home & MSA)
  • my fridge (the inside and the magnets on the outside) (home & MSA)
  • my sister’s room
  • my suitemate’s room
  • my entire house over the course of Christmas Break

I would never call my impulse to organize a problem. Honestly, its more of a fun pastime for me. About a year ago, I discovered the KonMari method and I changed my life (I’m not kidding). Marie Kondo and her Netflix show got me to cut the size of my closest in half and to learn to let go of sentimental things. Watching the show also led me to watch many an organizational video on YouTube. My favorites are linked below:

Makeovers – 

I love a good makeover. So far, I’ve only done my own room and dorm room, helped out my sister redo parts of her room, helped my suitemate redecorate their room, and redone the entire downstairs of my house. But I’m hoping to one day have an entire house to myself that I can decorate any way I please. With that said, here are more videos:

Conclusion

There really isn’t much of a point to this blog. I’ve just been really fixated on organization and order these days. If anyone were to get anything out of this, I would want it to be that you can, in fact, make cleaning and organization fun! It’s all about making your space just right for you and optimized to you! And if you’re doing that, then you’re doing just fine.

WHM: Will There Ever Be a Female President?

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Victoria Woodhull

The First Female Presidential Candidate

In 1872, history was made when suffragist, Victoria Woodhull, ran for President of the United States. She was a candidate for the Equal Rights Party, and her opponent, Frederick Douglass. Woodhull was a leader in the women’s suffrage movement, a magnetic healer, and an advocate for labor reforms. As well as, what she called “free love”, meaning the freedom to marry, divorce, and have children without interference from the government. Despite her efforts, Woodhull’s candidacy was not taken seriously, and she did not win. However, she paved the way for women after her to run for president.

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Belva Ann Lockwood

Belva Ann Lockwood was one of the first women to practice law. In 1879, after graduating from law school, she petitioned Congress to practice before the Supreme Court and won. She was the first female attorney to do so. Not long after, in 1884, Lockwood followed in the footsteps of Woodhull and ran for president. Her running mate was also a woman— Marrietta Stow.

 

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Marrietta Stow

Marrietta Stow was an American women’s rights, suffragist, and she was the first woman to run for vice president of the United States. Just as Woodhull, both Lockwood, and Stow were a part of the Equal Rights Party, and their main focus was women’s suffrage.

 

 

 

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In 1964, Margaret Chase Smith, the first woman to serve in both houses of Congress and the— at the time— longest female Senator, announced

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Margaret Chase Smith

her candidacy in the Republican party. Thus, making her another first, as the first woman to run for the presidency as a major party candidate.

 

 

 

 

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Shirley Chisolm

Almost 10 years later, in 1972, Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman to be elected into Congress, announced her presidential bid as a Democrat. Thus, making her the first African-American to run for POTUS as a major-party candidate, and the first woman to run for the Democratic party. During her campaign, Chisolm said, “I have certainly met much more discrimination in terms of being a woman than being black, in the field of politics.”

Continuous Strides
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Hillary Clinton

In 2016, Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated for president by a major party after winning a majority of delegates in the Democratic Party. She also became the first woman to win the popular vote. However, Clinton did not win the election. Nevertheless, she made history.

Furthermore, 2 other women have won the vice presidential nominations in previous years.  Geraldine Ferraro for the Democratic Party in 1984, and Sarah Palin for the Republican Party in 2008.

Making History

Flash forward almost 50 years, and America is making history. In the 2020 election there were 6 women running for president.

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Illustration by Heads of State

(L-R)

Tulsi Gabbard,

Kirsten Gillibrand,

Amy Klobuchar,

Elizabeth Warren,

Kamala Harris,

and

Marianne Williamson.

 

 

These were the 6 women running for president in the 2020 election, and they have made some big impacts politically. Before this year, only 5 women made it to the debate stage: Shirley Chisholm (Democrat; 1972), Carol Moseley Braun (Democrat; 2004), Hillary Clinton (Democrat; 2008/2016), Michele Bachmann (Republican; 2012), and Carly Fiorina (Republican; 2016).  Furthermore, there has never been more than one woman on the debate stage at a time, and there had never been more than two women running in a single party at one time.  During the Democratic primary debate, there were at least three women on the debate stage.

Will America Ever Have a Female President of the United States?

It was a close run in 2016 with Clinton, but some Americans are hopeful that this will be the year America has its first female president. However, as of January 2020, only 2 of the 6 female candidates remain— Warren and Klobuchar.

According to Politico.com, “Sexism costs every woman candidate votes, but Hillary Clinton did not lose the presidency in 2016 because she is a woman. She was the wrong candidate for the time. Still, Clinton has certainly succeeded in making it easier for other women to run for office. Perhaps, the seeds of change may have been planted in Clinton’s defeat.”

What do you think— will Madam President be moving into the White House this fall? Would our country benefit from a woman running it? Why or why not? Comment your thoughts down below.


Thanks for reading!

Happy Women’s History Month, and be sure to vote when the time comes!

February (In a Few Words)

Hello, everyone! I hope that all of you will have a day without grey clouds and soggy fried chicken.

For my blog post this week, I have the newest addition to my month series. February transpired in an odd fashion, as sporadic and busy as the weather, but I want the month to return, now. Do not tell me that it is March; I will not believe you. Anyway, since this month taught me a lot, I will focus more on sharing advice in this post than on description.

I hope you enjoy. (:


  • Resist Becoming Too Immersed in One World
    • Living in more than one place proves quite difficult. You end up projecting a tremendous amount of focus on building one world while neglecting the other. And, worst of all, sometimes you fail to live in the world you currently reside; you fall through the present and dream of your other world that lies among the stars.
    • MSA and my house both equal the word home. However, at MSA, I have the tendency to yearn to be with my pets and my family watching movies, sleeping in, and cooking and eating tacos. And at my house, I have the tendency to yearn to be in my literary classroom drinking coffee, in the cafeteria eating loaded baked potato soup, in my room listening to music and writing, and outside walking and picking dandelions.
    • Every world deserves to be savored with you standing in its soil. Feel free to dream a little when distant, but remain present and appreciative of your current surroundings before you leave and become homesick.

 

  • Adapt to Stress; Remain Resilient
    • Everyone loves stress interrupting their carefully woven routine, right? You wake up at a certain time, brush your teeth at a certain time, and dance to A Flock of Seagulls at a certain time, but wait—a stressor falls from the sky and ruins everything…no more A Flock of Seagulls. Before you know it, you have a hood pulled over your bitter eyes as you kick innocent flowers and mumble about your hatred towards said stressor.
    • I always anticipate January to be a busy month, but February surprised me beyond belief. The first half of the month, I could hardly breathe. For unstated reasons, a major stressor sliced two hours off of my free time. To compensate for lost time, I stayed up late and ate a lot of chips and salsa. The stress drained my optimism, and at times I only wanted to sleep or watch The Dark Knight. Thankfully, the stress has dissipated.
    • Resist becoming discouraged. Escaping hopelessness is like climbing out of a sandy pit, but the act is possible. Attack stress with an optimistic, resilient spirit and find ways to alleviate some suffering. For instance, I split my off-block into time for homework and time for recovering sleep. Also, I brought snacks with me to obligations I dreaded immensely. And I did not cut out moments of my day that I looked forward too (calling my mom, journaling, and walking).

 

  • Take Care of Yourself
    • That brings me to my next topic: Please take care of yourself. When you have a lot of deadlines to meet and expectations to fulfill, transforming into a robot seems appealing, but trust me—you will be making a huge mistake.
    • This month, I considered going without talking to people that made me happy, wanting to spend every milligram of my time on assignments instead. However, I did not, and I am glad because I managed to do more than survive: I reached deadlines to the best of my ability, and I did not feel like a toiling machine.
    • Remember that priorities include your well-being. Feel free to take a day off; I promise that you will accomplish more the next day. Section your time off reasonably. For instance, instead of giving yourself three straight hours to complete homework, finish one assignment and take a designated break to avoid excessively frittering your time away. Also, surround yourself with what you need and want. Listen to music and eat an orange and make sure to sleep. Never fall asleep in the process of chasing contentment; living is not surviving alone.

 

  • Positive Energy
  • Does everything feel grey and cloudy? Does everyone seem trapped in a bad mood? Do you feel overwhelmingly pessimistic and discouraged?
  • My least favorite color of the sky is grey. I hate grey. And February had rain every week, so it proved a challenge to resist feeling a little grey and rainy myself. I found myself absorbing the negative emotions of my peers, and it lessened my optimism towards stress. However, surrounding myself with people of good, positive energy helped combat this, and I felt inclined to spread a little orange as well. It flipped days destined to drag me down into sunny ones.
  • Spend less time and effort on the people furthest from you; protect your energy reserves. Instead, spend more time on creative projects, enjoyable downtime, and amazing people (do not neglect assignments, obligations, and deadlines however…sorry). And if no positivity is to be found, provide it. Wear your favorite colors and be kind; do not withhold your compliments. You matter—remember that. So leave more of an impact on the world through your daily actions. I guarantee that life will have more color and meaning if you live more in the present.

Dear February,

I appreciate you throwing the ACT at me.

On a more serious note, a lot of beautiful moments occurred despite the overwhelming amount of stress in the beginning:

  • Coffee
  • Workshopping a play about surfer dudes
  • Blogging about music
  • Listening to music (especially The Cure)
  • Receiving gifts (thank you so, so much—especially you, Maleigh  🙂  )
  • Somehow surviving two weeks of no sleep and no time
  • Eating tacos at home
  • Cooking and listening to New Order and Tears for Fears with my dad
  • Begging for a synthesizer (and offering to pay half…to no avail—unless..?)
  • The miniscule amount of time I have with my mom
  • Drinking tea while working on homework
  • Poetry Out Loud field trips with our superstar Morgan (plus Taco Bell)
  • Lunch and dinner with epic people and conversations
  • Making flower bouquets during my off-block
  • Making a chapbook
  • Writing poetry
  • Kicking things found in the grass

Inside jokes that I have enjoyed:

  • Diabolical villains that steal showers
  • Skelebones
  • Dry chicken
  • Taco Tuesday
  • Dabbing
  • “fisten to evaporate”
  • “I know you love me…I know you care”
  • Tony Pepperoni
  • “The gatekeeper”
  • “Make your mama happy!”
  • Rudolph
  • What the heck desktops
  • Happy Birthday
  • sleep
  • Ye olde bones
  • Smiley faces
  • Dandelions
  • R.I.P. pinecone

Okay…I am done.


Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

Chapbooks are awesome to create and assemble. Grouping poems of similar themes and tones increases your understanding of your work, and creating a collection of your art feels amazing. Make sure, however, that you have the time and the resources.  😥

Peace

The Passing

Hello world, I recently wrote this absurd short story called, “The Passing”. I want to share it with you guys because I’m curious to know y’all reactions. I hope yall enjoy it!

 

Death brings cowards comfort. I know this because I had to experience it–Death. Such a misunderstood concept. I used to believe Death was peaceful. It was something I wanted to experience, I used to long after death. You can say it brought me comfort because I was a coward.

 

Each day of my despondent life was the same. I woke up to the same four bland walls that surrounded me. There were no family pictures on the walls because I had no family. No medals to hang and show off because I never won anything in my life. All I had was lost, and I mastered the art of losing. Every day I went by the same routine. Dread waking up, felt the cold, harsh air swarm my exposed skin. Enter the bathroom with the cold tiles. Splash my face with cold water. Brush my teeth with cold water. Take a shower with even colder water. I used to love the cold. It was the bit of happiness that was apparent in my life; I sympathized with the cold. I knew how it felt to be counted out, overlooked by the majority. All my life, there was always someone bigger, better, or warmer than I.

After my shower, I got dressed in the same attire: a black button-up, black pants, black socks, and black tennis shoes. I didn’t have a choice in that matter; it was my uniform. I was assigned the color black and it fit me perfectly The color complimented my pale skin so well. After I was dressed, I ate cereal in a lifeless bowl with the counterfeit milk. I only took five minutes to eat breakfast. I was fast since I had no one to talk to, nor one to think about. When I finished eating breakfast, it was then time to go to work. I got my keys and left my tired apartment. I used to drive to work every morning in my Bug, that was only big enough to hold me. I drove in silence; I only listen to the thoughts that wandered inside my mind. There was always this one thought which I found amusing. When I drove across the bridge that stood above the frozen pond, I thought: what if my tires slide on the ice bridge? What if my brakes suddenly couldn’t function properly, and the Bug stirs off the bridge into the pond? Cracking the ice shield allowing me to enter the world that lives beneath. What if that was my time, the moment of my end. Would anyone notice? Would anyone help? What if?

I closed my eyes and I took the If and made it When.

 

On the day I died, I was alone. Nobody was near, and I was far too gone for anyone to help.

 

When I opened my eyes, I was lying naked on the bridge. Everything around me was the same, but it was quiet. Complete silence. The trees weren’t swaying. No animal, not even a lost squirrel, was around exploring the woods. Everything stood still as if they were following instructions. The pond was still frozen, and I saw my Bug diverted into the ice. I started to wonder if I did it right? Did something go wrong? Was I Dead? I didn’t feel Dead; I simply felt frozen in time. I thought that maybe I should try again. I walked to the edge of the bridge and I inhaled, preparing myself for the fall.

I heard a Beep-noise.

It was close but faint. What could it be? I turned around and in front of me, I saw a cellphone. It was black with a small keyboard on the face. I never noticed the cellphone until now. How did it get there? I picked it up and pressed the home button. Nothing happened. I started to press all the letters and numbers on the keyboard, however, nothing. I flipped the cellphone over and slide off the back compartment. What has revealed to me was an emptiness. There was no battery in the phone. There was no way it could have made the noise. Was I alone? I remember I screamed or was it a shout?

“Who is there?” I asked the distance but what was returned was my echo.

A sane person would have stopped, maybe even accepted the fact that no one was there. But I realized at a young age- sane was something I was not. So, I begun to explore my surroundings. Looked for evidence that someone was there. I studied every crack in the bridge, and there it was. A lavender flower springing through the cracks. It was so beautiful, so resilient. The flower lured me. It wanted me to approach it, and so I did. When I reached the flower, I was astonished. It was the only living thing there. Nature will always find a way to survive even, Death.

 

I wanted to claim the flower as mines, I felt as though it was. I sat on my knees and I pulled the flower from the crack in the bridge. That’s when it started. With the touch of the flower, my body was overwhelmed with heat.  It was a forgotten feeling. Suddenly everything started to disappear. The trees vanished into thin air. The frozen pond beneath me mysteriously melted and my Bug was no longer there. I heard booming sounds of rumbling. The bridge had begun to quake and deformed. Everything around me was uncanny. I was perplexed on whether I should run or stay? But where would I go? My thoughts were pointless, before I knew it the bridge had completely vanished, and my body dropped. I fell, and I fell, and I fell. Until my body plastered on a solid surface. I was placed in a space filled with brightness. It wasn’t a room, rooms have structure. This place, however, just had a presence–a known presence.

“Hello, D–” someone said in a deep, vivid voice. I was unsure of who it was, but I knew that this was power. When the presence spoke, their voice came from every direction. I was afraid. I don’t know why, but somehow my body knew to be afraid.

“How do you know my name?” I asked, my voice trembled.

“That is not the question of the matter, now is it.” said the voice, “Ask me your honest question.”

I gulped and resisted the urge to cry. How could they possibly know? A dumbfounded thought, at the time, they know everything.

“I want to know why I’m here. What is this place?” I ask.

“That is not your honest question. You know why you are here. You have one more chance to be truthful, try again.” They said to me calmly. I felt everything now, but at that moment fear was heavy.

“Am I dead?” I asked my final question.

“Wrong! Why must you lie?” exclaimed the presence. “I’m here to help you. You need the help for the Passing.”

“Passing…what passing? Who are you?”

“I am Lavea, an angel sent from Heaven.”

“Then why can’t I see you?”

“Could you see me when you were alive, D–? I have been around, ever since the incident. After what happened to your parents, you were assigned to me to guardian over. I tried to protect you, but I could not save someone from themselves. So, I will help you now. Your body is no longer vital. On earth you are dead, but here you have two opportunities. This is called the Passing. There are three pathways you can take before you can achieve the afterlife. One is called Heaven. In Heaven, you can spend eternity with your family, happy and peaceful. You don’t have anything to worry about, all your problems were left on earth. In Heaven you are free. Would you like that D–?” Lavea asked me.

“What are the remaining choices?” I ask Lavea.

“The other option is Hell. You heard the stories of Hell while growing up. Endless torture, fire pits, screams of misery… I am here to tell you whatever perception you have on Hell–double it. Double the endless torture. Double the fire pits. Double the screams of misery. I can assure you Hell is not the place of a luxury. Hell is the end without an end. Hell is pure evil. Hell is burning fire but the deathly cold. Would you like to go there, D–?”

At that moment, I knew what I was supposed to say. No. It could have been that simple. However, there was something inside me that felt Hell is what I deserved.

Before I could answer Lavea interrupted me and said, “You do not deserve Hell. Your soul is not evil. I want to see you in Heaven, but you cannot pass unless you accept the truth within yourself.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Accept and let it go so you can pass to Heaven. Or you will be deemed to Death.”

“Aren’t I’m dead already, Lavea?”

“As I said before, your body is dead, but your soul is still here. Death is neither Heaven nor Hell. Death is the middle ground. Death is nothing. Death is complete darkness. Those who fail the passing are sentenced to Death. I warn you D– if you don’t accept that you were not the cause of your family’s disappearance, you will be sent to Death. Would you like that?” Lavea says to me.  I remember becoming infuriated. How dare Lavea tell me about my life.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t know me or what happened. If you were my guardian angel, then why weren’t you there? Where were you, when I needed you?”

“You can get angry at me; however, that will not solve anything. You need to let go and accept.” Lavea said remaining calm.

“No,” I say tearing up. I don’t deserve to feel released. I deserve this Death.

“I beg of you, let go and release. Time is running out.”

“I must not. Not when my family is still out there. I can’t just let go. I can’t accept and let go when it’s my fault. I can’t-”

Beep… Beep… Beep.

The sound from earlier has returned, this time its louder and maddening.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP.

“What is that noise?” I tried to yell over the noise to Lavea.

“That is your timer D–. You now have only thirty seconds. What is your decision? Lavea asked me. Then the cellphone from earlier appears. I ran to it and I see a timer counting down.

“How do I stop it? I’m not ready yet please, Lavea.” I plead to them.

“It is too late to stop it. It was set when you made the choice to drive off the bridge. I will only ask once.” Lavea says.

BEEP… BEEP… BEEP… TIMES UP!

“What is your final decision  D–?” They said impassively. I was given three options. What I said at that moment define my eternity. I know what a sane person would have said. I know what I crazy person could have said. But as I realized when I was younger, I was neither sane nor crazy. I was the middle, so the middle is where I should stay, even if it’s for eternity.

“I choose Death.”

Were the words that defined me, more than I could have ever known. After I said those three detrimental words, the brightness in the room was extracted. It was complete darkness. Silent as it was on the bridge. I was abandoned. At last, I was comforted by the darkness. I felt secure within myself. The darkness, tranquility and I were one. I was Death.

spring cleaning

i don’t know about you guys, but i just love the feeling i get after i clean something. i feel so accomplished and put together. it’s just a very good feeling for me. the same applies to when i clean out the clutter in my heart and mind.

i have a really bad habit of collecting clutter inside of my head and letting it weigh down my heart. but lately i’ve been trying to clean it out. as someone who has spent their entire life bottling up all of my emotions until they explode all over an innocent bystander, i know a little bit about clutter on the inside. but, i’m learning how to fix that.

very recently, when someone asks what is bothering me, if i trust them, i tell them. and i’m brutally honest. afterward i feel so much better now that i’ve got it out. now, don’t get me wrong, there is a difference in venting and dumping your problems onto someone else. everyone deals with their own stuff so you shouldn’t be adding your problems to theirs. instead, just tell them how you’re feeling, and let them help. and when you feel a little better, do the same for them! there is nothing worse than someone who constantly complains to you but ever even takes the time to ask you how you’re doing yourself.

once you’ve mastered the art of expressing your emotions in a healthy way, breathe. whenever you can feel a knot growing in your throat from everything building up, breathe. close your eyes and let it digest. seek comfort. let someone see you vulnerable. it’s okay, i promise. once i learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable, i’ve been beginning to process my emotions properly. and let me tell you, it feels great.

it’s very nice having a clear mind most days. so let your mind be clear. do what you need to do to process what you’re feeling. cry, paint, write, etc. but most of all, talk to someone you trust. i promise you’re not burdening them. if you don’t have anyone to be that person, let me. if you ever need someone to just vent to, talk to me. i don’t mind at all. we all want for everyone to be happy and healthy!

thanks for reading,

peace out girl scout 🙂

Alexa play “Spring I. Allegro” by Antonio Vivaldi

Ahhh spring. The time to breath in the fresh roses and bask in the warmth of the sun. Spring is a time of new beginnings, new comings, new EVERYHING! Sad to see the winter go, but it is time for something new!

This past winter has been an interesting one. I’ve accomplished many great things, let go of some things, started some things, discovered some things, and I even been introduced to new things. This winter has overall been a period of change for me. Has the change been good? I would say yes. Has the change been healthy? I would say yes. Has the change made me sad? I would, again, have to say yes. If you’re like me, you have a love-hate relationship with change.

Change comes in all different forms. For me, the biggest change this winter was coming to terms with people leaving and entering my life. I don’t do well with people leaving my life. Now, when people come into my life, I am a little more accepting of that change. Matter of fact, I am more than accepting of new people. I encourage people to enter my life. I surround myself with people who lift me up and I want to lift others up as well. Sadly, however, people aren’t always permanent in your life. I think this is a lesson I am still learning. No matter how badly you want people to stay, some just aren’t meant to.

With Spring fast approaching, I want to really focus myself on this period of new comings. I want to allow myself to be open to what’s coming. I want my full heart to be put into the next couple of months. I have broken down my goals for the new season into the categories of what I want to change in my life spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Spiritually, I want to connect more with the earth. I have lived my whole life living on this planet without fully looking around to see what I’m actually living on. No, this isn’t some bandwagon I’m joining to popularize the trend of “saving the earth” hashtags that are circling the internet. I genuinely want to start seeing the world. I want to travel. I want to see things that the earth has to offer. This comes from the recent videos of Spanish-speaking countries that I’ve watched in my Spanish 2 class. In the videos, I see the world in ways I’ve never seen before. I want to go to those places and feel the earth in its most purest form. I want to connect myself with those spots and feel the earth as the earth feels me. The mere thought makes me feel good inside. I can’t wait!

Mentally, I want to focus more on my mental health. I often neglect my health mentally, whereas I’m almost always focused on my health physically. I am actually considering going to a therapist to talk about things that plague my mind and put a strain on myself. I have so much to do in my life that I completely neglect that part of myself—the part I need most. In this new season, I want to seriously care for and cater to that part of myself. It is just as important as anything else in my life, and it’s time I started treating it as such.

Physically, I need to focus on getting my SUMMER BAWDY! I have told myself so many times that I am going to start eating right and working out…BUT WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING??? SLEEPING. I need to take this season with all the warm weather to get outside and workout. I need to establish a healthy diet and just start physically caring for myself. I know the body I want and I am determined to get there before the summer. With the summer coming soon after spring, I need to start grinding ASAP!

Well, that’s my spill on the upcoming season. I feel pretty prepared to take it on (despite the inevitable pollen that will try to kill me). Are you ready for the spring? Do you have your goals for the season in line? ARE YPU READY??

Expectations vs Reality

My counselor once said, “Don’t expect too much from people. You will be disappointed every time.” At first, I thought it meant to only expect the worst from people and I didn’t see how it was helpful advice. I criticized her method, as I thought she was supposed to help me see the world and people more positively, and expecting the worst was not a very positive perspective. However, I soon realized that this saying doesn’t mean to expect the worst from people, but don’t expect the best. Unfortunately, I used to struggle with both.

After being treated poorly by many people in my life, I decided I would stop opening up to people and give up on trying to find good people in the world. If someone would text me on Instagram or snap chat trying to get to know me or be my friend, I would block them lol. I didn’t want any part of a new friendship because I thought I already knew how it would turn out– with them using me and then be getting hurt again. So, I avoided this by avoiding people. I remember my sister telling me about someone who wanted to by my friend or thought I was cool and I would respond by saying, “who cares? they’re probably a jerk.” I never gave anyone a chance. But after a year or so, I decided it was time to open up a little more and let people back into my life, but I had completely different expectations for them.

Instead of expecting the worst, I expected nothing but the best. I wanted them to prove my thoughts of people wrong. The way I saw it was: If I’m letting them in my life, then they have to only make the right choices. And if they messed up the slightest bit, they’re out. This was a bad idea on my behalf because all this did was heighten my expectations so much that no one could meet them. Luckily though, I gave up on them after coming to accept no one could be the exact person I wanted them to be.

I started disregarding the mistakes people made and told myself that everyone messes up. You can’t expect the best from people because no one is perfect. But don’t expect the worst because everyone has good in them and has something to offer. Also, don’t expect someone to change for you. Learn to love them as they are. Flaws come with a person and if you can’t accept that then you’ll never be happy.

I hope you all have a great week and enjoy your spring break!

 

Letters to my Fellow Literaries

These past 6 months have been a whirlwind, and I don’t think I’d be able to get through it without my amazing group of beauties. So, before spring break takes us our different ways for a few days, I want y’all to know and understand how I feel about y’all.

Hannah (Maple)- I love you. So much. You’ve become one of my best friends and I couldn’t thank you enough for that. You’re so sweet and loving and you’re always willing to listen, even when you know you have other things to do. You’ve just become one of my favorite people ever and I can’t express how much I love you.

Callie (Carlie)- You’re so amazing. You’re always willing to spread positivity and love and I genuinely don’t think I’d have made it to December without you, nevertheless March. You’re just such a beautiful person and I appreciate you so much.

Maleigh (Maleigha)- Oh my goodness, I absolutely adore you. It took me a very long time to get used to your exuberance, but I’m so glad I did. You’re a literal beam of sunshine and positivity. You’re smile lights up every room you enter and I just can’t tell you how many times you’re good energy has helped me.

Morgan (Mo)- Although I’ve known you the longest, I feel as if this is the first time I’ve gotten to know the real Morgan Love, and I love her. You’re so funny and amazing and I love your energy and how you always carry good vibes with you, even if you aren’t having the best day. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you.

Stephyne (Step)- I’m in love with you. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better person to share my junior year with. You have opened my eyes to so many things in so many ways. I love your perspective on life and I really appreciate the 3 A.M. rants when we’re supposed to be studying. Ugh, I love you.

Katie (atieKay)- God Almighty, I adore you. You’re such a vibe and I love your energy and I love your style. You’re so funny and nice to just be around and spend time with. You’re so sweet and loving and caring. You’re such a sweetheart and I genuinely can’t wait to spend this upcoming school year with you and our friends.

Brianna (Bri)- Brianna Cox, you have very quickly become my very best friend. I love you so much and I’m appreciative of you and your energy and your willingness to love. You’re so open-minded and willing to learn, I feel as I can tell you anything and I thank you so much. I love, love, love you.

Mrs. Sibley- I will never be able to thank you enough for the kindness you have extended to me. You’ve helped me expand my mind to wonders still unknown to me and you’ve helped me expand my writing vernacular. You’re such an amazing teacher and I thank you for always taking the time out of your day to answer my questions. I can never repay you for helping me be my best self, both as a writer and as a person. I appreciate you so much, Mrs. Sibley.

Azya (me)- I’m proud of you. You’ve grown a lot since August as a person, as a writer, as a friend. You’ve learned your own boundaries, you’ve learned how to be creative, not profound. And I’m just so…proud of you. You’ve got a lot to learn, still, but you’ve grown nonetheless. Here’s to the future.

being an asexual do be complicated

Woah, Maple getting personal about her sexuality on the blog? Yes, and this is a good thing. Many people hide these things, and for valid reasons. Fear of being hated, disowned, etc. But I feel an intense need to show my community. We are often not recognized, and are seen as outsiders. So without further ado, here’s the struggles of being an asexual (for me particularly).


So, are we friends or more?: THIS! Since I only have my romantic interest in people to go off of, it’s really hard to tell if I have a close bond with someone, or if I like them. I mean, who knows? I’m always too scared to find out, which leads me to my next point.

Societies expectations: Uh, I don’t know if you guys realized, but being with an asexual is something to seriously avoid for many people. It’s like if someone is asexual it means they are not capable of emotions(not true). We are capable of loving! 

You’re what?: I am asexual, yes. I don’t just go around saying that, but I do want asexuality to be more recognized. Many times I will get these responses: “So you don’t like boys or girls? Is it because of past trauma?” No, no, this is just who I am, and I am happy with myself.

Discrimination: Uh huh, asexuals face discrimination too. If you are wondering why in the world people would think asexuality doesn’t exist, or why they would be bothered by it, me too. It’s wild, but it’s mainly because we are not talked about.

A plant: No, we are not plants. That is not how we reproduce. In fact, some may choose to reproduce. That’s the beauty of it, asexuality is like a spectrum. You cannot just assume that because a person is asexual they don’t want x, y, and z. That’s why communication is key.

You should see a doctor: You see, for the longest time I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I really felt like I was left out. Looking back now, I realize that I was/ am not broken. I deserve love, you deserve love, we all do. Don’t let someone tear a part of who you are away from you.

Overall, I’ve had my frustrations with being asexual. Yes, it is a part of me, but it is not all that I am. I accept this part of me, and just know that I accept you too. Whatever label you feel comfortable with, or not a label. Just know that there are good people in this world who have their arms open to you. You are loved, you are appreciated, and you are amazing being the real you.

I love my fellow ACESkeep being you. (and keep rocking your black rings)

Maple 😉