The dream I can’t stop thinking about

Okay so, I had a CRAZY dream and I can’t get it out of my head. My dreams mean a lot to me. I love dreaming. I go to sleep just to dream. Dreaming is absolutely strange, like literally what are they? Dreams. NO LIKE WHAT ARE THEY? You feel me? I think dreams are our subconscious playing a movie inside of our head, and we need to see what’s hiding in the depths of our minds.

Okay so, buckle up because this is crazy and you’re about to go on a rollercoaster reading this. Woo hoo!

Before I start, I am NOT crazy, okay? This entire dream took place at MSA.

So, there was this church group coming to stay on campus for a week to help the administration do something. They came late at night, and I had no idea they were coming until I was on the elevator with some of the church leaders. I was headed downstairs to a basement where we did all of our clothes. There was a huge assembly line but it wasn’t moving. No students were doing their laundry down there though, the only thing down there were children’s jackets that Mrs. Vicky had gotten and I guess she was selling them. I was so amazed by these pretty jackets that I just had to touch one. My hands were wet, I don’t know why. But when I touched one, it got on the jacket. As I was walking away from the jacket, Mrs. Cathy and Mrs. Henderson stopped me in my tracks and got on to me for touching the jacket. They asked me if I did. I lied and said no. They knew I was lying so they walked over to see if I touched the jacket and I was freaking out in my head because I knew my hands were wet and they would be able to tell. Luckily, they thought I touched a red one, but I actually touched a blue one. I didn’t get busted but I still got wrote up for being down there. What happened in between then and the next scene is blurry, but I remember the church people getting moved in and the school was installing all these nice hot tubs and pools in the Phoenix. Anyways, in the next scene, we were all called to the patio. When we walked out there first we saw  “X’s” to stand on and two tables in front of the marked places. MSA’s administration and the church group was sitting behind the two tables. I was asked to stand on the X and then preform a series of jumps. After the jumps they gave me two pills. One pill was infused with drugs and the other one was normal. They decided what kind of pill you needed after you preformed the jumps. I got the pill with drugs in it. (This might be because I’ve been binge watching the Queen’s Gambit, I don’t know, but if you haven’t watched it, stop reading this right now and go watch it.) The pills started making me float and all my teeth fall out. I was just pulling them all out until they were all gone. So, I walked downstairs to show them my teeth was falling out and then I got wrote up because I was downstairs after lights out. This put me into a total frenzy because I was like?? but my teeth. Because I got a write-up, the school made me climb a huge power tower in the middle of a storm to get a lightning rod for Mr. Patrick, and when I was all the way up there he told me he didn’t need it anymore.

That’s all I remember. It was so crazy. I can’t get it out of my head and I think there’s a reason for that. I’m trying to figure out the hidden messages in this dream. I’m sure it’ll come to me eventually. I hope y’all girlies are doing okay and drinking y’all’s water. GET THOSE GALLONS IN.

Love y’all!

you only live twice

in 6th grade, or maybe it was 7th – i can’t really remember, my mom took my sister and i to a nearby town where they had a ton of christmas lights displayed all over the shopping center. canton lights are a big deal for central mississippi, oftentimes becoming an integral part of the holiday experience for most. i’ve only been once, but i have friends that go annually, which goes to show just how seriously some people take it.

every christmas eve, my mom’s side of the family has a huge gathering somewhere in pearl. we have a long-standing tradition of having dinner, then celebrating the holiday in a somewhat consistent routine. this has always been something my family looks forward to, and i don’t think it shows any signs of obsoletion.

aside from everything christmas, the same side of the family also has a large gathering for thanksgiving every year. we won’t be taking part this year due to COVID, but hopefully our plans pick back up as soon as the virus goes away.

more often than not, my grandfather keeps my siblings and i at his house for the night of new years eve, going all the way back to 2009, i remember. we shoot fireworks, play with sparklers, throw firecrackers at each other, and sometimes wake up early the next morning to get breakfast together.

sometimes during the summer, my family takes a trip to highlands, north carolina, where we spend the week listening to the creek beside the house – or traveling gorges state park, playing in the waterfalls and exploring. it’s quite the hike, but well worth the experience. i remember going with my mom and sister one year – i think it was the summer between 7th and 8th grade – and we went to turtleback falls. turtleback falls is a natural watercliff, just past rainbow falls (which is gorgeous, by the way), that features a 20ft drop from the edge of the cliff to the surface of the cold water collecting at the bottom. my sister and i both slid off of it, which, for the record, is the only reason i know just how cold it is.

i say all that to circle back to my original point: you only live twice. i’d forgotten about a few of these memories, even though some of them are recurring, it’s like they’re tucked away in some part of my mind that only allows me to remember them when called upon. but as i started thinking the other day, about some of my fondest childhood memories and what i want to do with my life beyond them. some part of me, though, felt like these memories were incomplete – there was something else i had to do, and i think i’ve discovered it.

there are memories that you make with your family, and that’s fine – but if there’s some that you feel emotionally attached to, you have to go back.

we are not meant to live our lives alone, but to an extent, i think we have to. we have to experience things either on our own or with our families, but i think it’s important to experience them again – live twice: it starts when you find the people you want to take on the world with.

Self-Care

Has anyone told you that you are appreciated? Have you been told that someone is proud of you for your accomplishments? 

Well, if no one else has or if you’ve received these words of affirmation in abundance, let me introduce myself. Hi, I’m Taylor Lafayette and I want you to think of me as your friend for a second. The person reading this may be a close friend, acquaintance, or a complete stranger, but I must let you know you are valued and I appreciate you. 

Kindness isn’t something shared in this world often enough. We turn on the television and find countless slanders and remarks of negativity. We turn to social media only to have yet another issue made clear. We turn to our friends oftentimes to see that they too struggle. 

If you are the strong friend of the group, you are often turned to for advice and guidance and are more than willing to offer it. But, oftentimes, your friends see you as “strong” so much that they don’t feel the need to return the favor. It’s not that they don’t care, they just don’t realize you also need the affirmation and appreciation.

I’ve learned that the reliable friend yields their emotional needs to tend to everyone else’s, and in the middle of it all, often forgets to check on themselves. Please, be selfish sometimes.

I am not saying completely ignore those around you, but do focus on yourself. Take time to make sure that your needs are addressed and that your emotional and mental wellness is up to par. How can you possibly take on everyone else’s problems while ignoring your own? (yes, I AM CALLING YOU OUT!!)

Trying to solve everyone’s problems but your own can be seen as a way of you avoiding yours. This is not healthy behavior, friend. I want to see you at your best self. I want your mental and emotional health to be at the highest it has ever been. I want you to find the value in yourself and appreciate it.

You are loved.

You are valued.

You will be successful and live out your dreams.

But, you must focus on yourself. You must learn to take care of yourself. You must remove yourself from the back burner and move it to the very first. 

Friend, 

You are already great and today and everyday from now you add to the world a beauty almost overwhelming. And we welcome it.

Remain Kind,

The Strong Friend.

 

 

 

 

 

Coping with Corona

We all ready for this pandemic to be over. 

What does the dreaded corona feel like? 

In short, you feel like a zombie rising from the dead.  You have no energy at all, in fact I’m struggling to write this right now.  My throat hurts, I’ve lost my voice, my head hurts, my muscles ache, I’m drowning in my own mucus, my stomach hurts and I feel nauseous, along with symptoms that come and go.  I’ve even had a lot of visual disturbances.  So yeah, stay safe guys.  Honestly since my symptoms started, I have barely been able to do anything.  I feel like my life is just going on without me and I’m just stuck here without it, caught in some weird time loop.  Everyday is pretty much the same.  Nothing exciting happens.  I finally had the energy to shower today, and I know that sounds gross, but listen, I feel like I’ve been thrown off a cliff…  

I’m so sick, but I’m more sick of how I can’t see or hug my friends. I can’t go see my family for Christmas this year. Can’t do this, can’t do that.  Everything seems so, bleeeeehhhhhh. Honestly, that’s the best way I can describe it.  So, for the love of not feeling like a undead beast, wear your mask, and wear it right.  

 

11:11 on 11/11

11:11 on 11/11, I find myself reminiscing my life as a middle schooler as One Direction’s “Story of my Life” plays quietly from my phone. I remember when I would watch the music video on TeenNick’s Top 10, and sing each lyric in what I would hope was perfect harmony in the living room. Oh, to be that child once more. (sighs) Once again, much like most of my time, I find myself asking, why do we have to grow up?

As a small child, most can’t wait to grow into adolescence and then adulthood. The ignorance of reality that comes with being a child is a true blessing in disguise. No worrying about politics, laws, and presidential elections, just wondering if there is enough snacks to last the whole movie.

Oftentimes, I have taken my youth for granted. I miss being naïve and needy. I miss being cared for and looked after. I miss being simply clueless. But, I will only have to miss those things because now is the time where I must teach the naïve, care for the youth and make sure they aren’t too clueless.

The world’s changing and most children don’t have the luxury of being children anymore. They have to wave at their parents behind bars, never knowing when they can be held by them again. They have to be taught at a young age that they aren’t socially accepted. They have to worry about things no child should  ever have to worry about.

I know for a fact that me and many other teens of this generation can say that growing up is scary. The inevitable fate that is right around the corner mocks and taunts us. With each passing day, I become closer to that inevitable fate. But, I will not worry about it.

I will enjoy being a teenager. I will make mistakes that I will learn from. I will enjoy each moment with no regrets because each moment will be celebrated. Those moments will become memories that I will look back on to tell the next generation when they fear they’re growing older. 

I will be kind to those around me who struggle. I will try with each living breath in my body to make the world a little more tolerable. No kid should have adult fears while they are barely out of diapers. I want the next generation to experience the luxury of teenagehood. I want them to find their song that brings great memories and joy. I want to change the world so that my younger siblings won’t have to worry how I worry about them.

One Word. One Smile. One Change at a Time.

Don’t forget to moisturize for youthful skin friends,

A Girl Who Refuses To Be Afraid

the role of education and indoctrination within a capitalistic society

capitalism breeds innovation. capitalism supports small businesses. capitalism works for the people. capitalism will never benefit large companies. capitalism will never put the needs of a corporation over the needs of its consumers.

and other lies we’ve been told.

as kids, we grow up with a HUGE imagination, especially kids who grow up to be artists. we think about road trips with friends, sitting on the dock at the reservoir, painting the warm horizon in front of us, or other ways to fulfill our lives. why, then, does this hope for the future quickly dissolve as soon as our little brains start developing more and more. is it a sense of maturity and staying realistic? or is it the fault of something larger, more powerful?

consider: the role of education. from the ripe old age of 5, we are placed in the care of authority that monitors our every move and thought. we have a meticulous schedule from 8:00 to 3:30 that tells us what to do, when to do it, and who to do it with. class, break, class, class, lunch, class, bell. it’s the same routine every single day, draining 7 and a half hours from our poor, underdeveloped brains and bodies. we still think it’s normal, but why?

why do we go from elementary schedules to middle schools, with the same boring and monotonous routine. then to high school, where the athletic kids can choose to do what they like in a fraction of their free time, but that’s about it. then, onto college, where if we’re not in classes, we’re working or studying. again, the same plot, just a different setting. we finally graduate college and get a job. where we sit at a desk. for 8 hours. doing the same thing we’ve been doing since we were 5 years old. 

nevermind the fact that public schools LEAP at the opportunity to train our impressionable populations to concede to capitalism, their efforts are worsened by the content of the indoctrination.

history classes teach sugarcoated versions of the past, straying farther and farther from the truth, the closer we get to the present. color photos are desaturated in order to make it seem like so much longer ago than it really was; we aren’t taught that the civil rights movement ended 23 years after the holocaust. will smith was born at the conclusion of the civil rights movement. celine dion. guy fieri. owen wilson. molly ringwald. shaggy. kenny chesney. all born in 1968.

capitalism thrives on misinformation and routine, which is what american children are being fed. this leads to dark roads of poverty, unfulfilling lives, and the spinning of wheels until one day, it all comes crumbling down.

Chapter 1 for the NaNoWriMo Challenge!

So for those who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is – it stands for National November Writing Month! It is when authors plan in October and write a complete novel in just one month! There is an entire website dedicated to this kind of thing (here’s the link if you want it).  

But written below is the first chapter of a novel (name TBD) that I am writing with the website! I hope you’ll enjoy it and comments are welcomed!

Chapter 1: Water hemlock 
     Tod squats down, pointing at a small but fairly tall purple splotched plant that   had large triangular lacy leaves and multiple small clusters of tiny white flowers and calling out to his sister, Milly, to grab his leather-bound blank field journal, a pencil, and the old worn herbal book that he had sat on the ground over by the backdoor, along with his side-saddle leather bag that was just inside the door of the squint. 

     She jumped from where she had been standing behind him with a great gush of wind rustling the sibling’s hair and clothes as Milly pulled her magnitude of silky brown feathers out from the magical tattoos on her back. She spun on her heel and took a few steps away from her older brother - then she launched herself into the sky. 

     She flowed the small winding river creek back to the cottage, skimming just above the trees with her hair and her dress flapping in her face and swirling around in the wind. It was a very short distance for her, being able to sail on the wind instead of climbing over the large mushroom-infested roots of trees, crossing the clear and minnow filled creek, or stumbling up and down flowered and mossy covered hills. She gently dipped down and softly landed in the clearing just behind their home, pulling in her wings once she had settled on the ground. 

     She lightly ran up to the patio, past her aunt Raka (who was reading a new book on illusions), and pushed open the window-like door to the greenhouse. She leaned inside and grabbed Tod’s bag; then she walked by the back door, crouched down, and picked up tod’s stack of books. She then came and stood in front of her aunt, curious at a sight she hadn’t noticed before - her little brother Vory had found his way to the top of the roof of the cottage again and was preparing to jump off. 

     Milly pointed this fact out to Anut Raka and then ran over to the clearing. She pulled out her wings, causing the neatly cut grass beneath her feet to tremble in the wind her wings created and jumped into the air.

     After Milly had told Anut Raka the Vory was on the roof, aunt Raka placed her book in her lap (keeping her thumb between the pages) and looked up. 
“I’m ready Vory.” 
      She continued looking up, hearing the pounding of the young boy’s feet as he ran towards the edge of the roof. Raka watched as her nephew jumped over her head - and landed on the ground in front of her as a tiny grey fox with brown and black markings. She smiled, applauding, and praising his flawless transformation and his careful landing. 

      The tiny grey fox bounded over to his aunt’s feet and began to pat her on her leg. She picked her book off her lap; Vory wigged his tail and back legs to pounce and jumped up onto his aunt’s lap. She stroked his soft fur and wondered what her other nephew and niece were up to. 

      Milly dropped down through the trees and quickly slowed her fall with a couple quick flaps, creating a few bursts of air. She pulled her wings in, fixed her clothes and hair, and headed over to Tod. He was now sitting cross-legged under a tree with the river gently bubbling behind him. His spot was close to the plant he had found earlier, and he was chewing on some blackberries he had found while Milly was gone. 

      “Here’s your things.” Milly said, setting the bag down by what she thought was the plant from earlier and walking over toward Tod. She plopped down beside him and laid her head in his lap, closing her eyes.

 “Tod. I’m taking a nap now.” 

He sighed, stroking his fingers through her soft, silky brown hair. “Can I at least get my book?”

A grin spread across her face. “No.”

He sighed again. 

Milly sifted her shoulders, getting comfortable. “Did you think of what the plant is called?”

“Yeah. Water Hemlock. The whole plant is poisonous.” He reached up and tucked some of his sandy-grey hair that had fallen from his low ponytail behind his ear. “It grows by branching out, while the things it is mistaken for grow more straight up and aren't purple-ish. It likes to grow in wet marshy places like ditches, beside rivers and recently flooded fields - If I remember correctly.”

She glanced up at her brother. “You always remember.” 

He thought for a moment. “True.”

They sat without saying anything more, reveling in each other’s presence for a time. The sounds of the forest swelled to fill the silence, creating a soothing sound for both of them. 

“If my wings pop out, you can pet them if you want.” Milly said as she snuggled her shoulder into his thigh, not bothering to hide her smug smile. 

He looked down at her with a soft smile on his face, still petting her head.

“Of course.”

Let’s Talk About…Voter Fraud

     Because of the recent presidential election, the phrase “voter fraud” has been pumped into the national conversation. Wikipedia defines voter fraud as an action that “involves illegal interference with the process of an election, either by increasing the vote share of a favored candidate, depressing the vote share of rival candidates, or both.” During the course of his recent campaign, Donald Trump has repeatedly said, “The only way we are going to lose is if this election is rigged.” This false statement has effective built a distrust in the electoral process for his supporters, but they are being fed a misinformed narrative. Extensive research has proven that voter fraud is, in fact, extremely rare. According to the Brennan Center for Justice, a nonpartisan law and policy institute, “Most reported incidents of voting fraud are actually traceable to other sources, such as clerical errors or bad data matching practices.” After meticulously studying voter fraud in elections, the organization found that it only occurred between 0.0003% and 0.0025%. This tells us that the majority of voter fraud allegations are baseless.

     When it comes to voting fraud, several myths exist, all of which can be debunked.

1.) “There have been thousands of instances of voter fraud.”

     The Brennan Center states, “A comprehensive 2014 study published in the Washington Post found 31 credible instances of impersonation fraud from 2000 to 2014, out of more than 1 billion ballots cast. Even this tiny number is likely inflated, as the study’s author counted not just prosecutions or convictions, but any and all credible claims.

2.) “Voter Impersonation is rampant at the polls.”

     A twelve year study of election data found only 10 incidents of voter impersonation out of 146 million registered voters.

3.) “Undocumented immigrants are voting.”

     The Brennan Center for Justice reports that of the 23.5 million votes casted in districts with high noncitizen populations, only 30 cases of improper voting were reported and referred for further investigation.

4.) “Millions of Americans are voting twice.”

     Researchers analyzed the 2012 election and found that out of the 129,000,000 votes cast, only 0.02% were double votes, most of which were the result of a measurement error.

5.) “Voting by mail leads to increased voter fraud.”

     According to The Heritage Foundation, which is a conservative publication, Oregon, the state to longest conduct universal mail-in voting, has reported only 14 cases of voting fraud related to mail-in voting over the span of 19 years. 15 million votes were casted during this time.

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electoral_fraud

brennancenter.org

https://www.realclearpolitics.com/

https://prospect.org/

https://www.nbcnews.com/

https://www.heritage.org/

@/soyouwanttotalkabout on Instagram compiled this information and provided additional commentary on what they believe Donald Trump’s intentions are with making these false claims about voter fraud. The account is a great resource for those looking to educate themselves on American politics, prominent politicians’ values and histories, and the various social issues affecting our country. I definitely recommend checking them out!

The Absolute Despair of Being a Support System

TW: This blog contains mentions of suicide, death, and depression

Have you ever felt like you are the only barrier between someone living or taking their own life?  It is a horrible feeling to experience, especially when you cannot seem to convince them things get better.  Depression is a horrible mental illness, it makes everything seem dull and worthless, fake smiles, joyless laughter, emotionally dead.  This illness has plagued me and many others for many years, there is no way to experience it if you do not but its basically a world devoid of happiness, only numbness, sorrow, and anger.  

A lot of people dismiss depression as just a feeling of sadness that will pass, but this is a very inaccurate explanation.  Without treatment and/or counseling, depression will not get better.  It is a health condition, it effects your everyday life in more ways than you could ever understand.  

I have never been met with more despair than when one of my friends attempted suicide, and this being an online friendship I was not aware of her being saved until days after the event, the whole time of which I was hysterical.

Tonight, on this Wednesday, I am once again faced with having the same thing happen again; but I won’t let it, I can’t allow it to happen. Then it occurs to me that I am powerless. What can I do? No matter how much I beg or plead– tell them how great they are or how much I care about them, the despair of depression makes them believe everything you say is a lie.  Their own brain tells them they aren’t good enough, they don’t deserve anything, and there I sit, helplessly typing away messages to someone I would much rather be rushing to the side of, but yet, I’m here, trapped within my room. 

It’s a school night, a cleaning night, in fact, so we had to be on our floors at 9 pm, unable to leave. All I could do was try to type all my feelings into messages, just hoping they’d pick up on the other end. It is late and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I just needed to quiet my thoughts and release them a bit through this platform. 

If you have any advice for me it would be more than welcomed.  I honestly just feel so drained and hopeless, I hate to see someone falling into the depths of despair while I am left to sit and fester in my cage– sobbing– consoling as best as I know how.

Get Free

Trigger Warning: This blog post has many cringy cliché messages that just make sense. Also, it’s a little all over the place, but that’s just what I wanted.

Hey.  >.<  What’s poppin.’  I wanted to ask you a question or two. -How far have you gone? How far do you want to go? 

Before covid hit, traveling was everything to me. It gave me an escape to routine, which can become scary or overwhelming in my opinion. Ultimately, this type of mindset can be every toxic and lead to some bad habits, but I think it just adds character, really.

(I say make part of your personality trait people not knowing if you’ll show up to school on a Monday or not. Make people never really know where you are in your town or even the US. Sometimes I spend a couple weekends in Memphis, TN, or maybe New Orleans… Keep em’ on their toes! )

Also, if you were wondering or thinking, no, my family does not have loads of money. When we travel we just know how to get a five-star experience with a three-star budget. 

My point can be pinned point to the fact that, I want you to think about how much of the world have you explored. What all have you seen? I don’t mean to brag in anyway when I state where all I go or have been. It is all relative, really. Like, I think I’ve barely been anywhere, but then someone will tell me how they may have never left the state, let alone the country.

It is so sad to me when I hear that. There is such a thrill of seeing new ways of life. I always think of the excitement of being in new places. Mexico and Guatemala were a riot. I find comfort in the confusion and curiosity of what’s going on. Possibly on the verge of being mugged. Clueless and lost. You know what they say though, you have to lose yourself to find yourself.

Think about your routine for a second. Do you have one? Do you need to get away from it for a moment? Is it suffocating you? Leave. Runaway and be free from it. Show life that it does not have you defined to one narrative or destiny. Your possibilities are endless.

The video of Ride by Lana Del Rey has amazing concepts on these ideas of liberty. If you have not watched it then you are serving an injustice to yourself. I strongly feel that if you tune into the video and drown everything out during the monologues, you may be changed forever. Inspired to go. Or I am just being very dramatic about it and wasted like five minutes of your life. There is only one way to truly know for yourself though. 🙂

 

So in the words of Lana,

“Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?”

I try and live by that motto and think back to it when I feel to scared to do something or feel like I am trying to hard to be someone else. Especially after I hear or read the third line I quoted. It always makes me think of what I need to change to stay sane.

I guess what I’m trying to say after all this is to be wild, be free, and have fun. That’s so cliché… but don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut. I recommend traveling but simply dying you hair or getting a tattoo could work as well. Find ways to keep yourself interested with life and yourself. I have planned to maybe visit Korea this summer. Who knows? I might just stop by and see California on the way. Above all, please never stop believing ♥