Category: Good Reads

Pruning Season: How strong are your branches?

There are no instructions for navigating collective trauma, this pandemic, or anything that has upended our happier, more vibrant times. We are winging it and a lot of what we’ve been giving off in the process has been dire, harsh, spiteful, judgmental— often rooted in anger, frustration, anxiety, and uncertainty. Under these circumstances, we are unlikely to bear optimal fruit.

It’s unimaginable that a single year could’ve had this many blows. I don’t know about you, but it seems, no matter how strong my upright stance, I still manage to catch a hook, jab, or uppercut.

This year has left me with cuts and bruises I’ll never forget, war wounds that’ll take a lifetime to heal, and dead limbs. Lots of lifeless limbs to prune.

Can I just say that we all need to do some heavy pruning…

I know that once we get rid of this straggly growth, these weak branches, and reconnect with our sanctuaries inside… Once we get our power restored— our lights back on… Once our world opens and we see each others’ big beautiful smiles again, we will find ourselves appreciating this strange and strenuous voyage. Like life after pruning, we will be more sound— our harsh branches, less invasive.

Hopefully, we will be wise enough to recognize our mistakes, and brave enough to name them.

Maybe we will come to realize how all these tiny, thorny, hurtful plants manifested into disdainful trees and resentful forests. Times are absolutely hard, but they are also ripe. If we are true planters— sowers— if we can imagine the harvest ahead, then we must continue to go through this pruning season.

Soon we will be standing, shears and all, trimmed and enlightened— surveying our scorched earth and tending to injuries we didn’t even know were there.

When the green returns, we will see, with new eyes, our fruit— our miracles and blessings— all the unnecessary branches we pruned back and how selective we were in doing so… We will wonder how we managed to go through all of that and come out in tact, safe and sound.

Dying trees can be revived.

Still Figuring It Out…

These past few months have been especially hard for me, and the global pandemic hasn’t helped. 

I thought I had my whole life figured out. I thought I knew who I was, but man, was I wrong.

Being student body president, has been one of the greatest experiences. I get to wake up every day with a purpose because I love what I am doing. I love what I am cultivating within my community, but I won’t lie, it’s also been so hard for me. Before, my purpose was writing, but now, I’m a leader. I have people who look up to me, who are counting on me, and of course, I didn’t just stop being a writer. I will always be a writer. I will always have that passion and drive to write and to tell my truth, but now, I have two roles that buy for my attention. 

I have to be a writer but I also have to be a leader, and some days, I just don’t know how to be both. I don’t know who I am. Am I “Maleigh, RISE editor-in-chief”? “Maleigh, literary artist”? or “Maleigh, student body president”? To choose, is one the hardest things because I am all at the same time, and finding a balance has been quite the challenge. There’s this internal battle within me, and I don’t who’s the winner. 

 

Senioritis is Real… And It Can Happen to Anyone

Senioritis is very real, and if you think you will never get it, you’re wrong because it happened to me… 

“I’m Maleigh Crespo, and I suffer from senioritis.”

Yes, it’s true. I succumbed to the pressure of senior year, but I am trying to find my way back, slowly but surely. I thought I’d give you a few tips that I’ve learned along the way:

  • It’s not like the movies, so stop trying so hard

Senior year is not like High School Musical or Twilight. There’s no epic romance or incredible self-discovery, so stop waiting for that to happen, and do your homework. 

  • College is overrated— and overpriced

Don’t get me wrong, education is important, but with that incredible urge to simply not go to college lingering over your head, it gets hard to continue moving forward. I get it. College is also crazy expensive for no reason, and if finances alone don’t make you want to drop out before you’ve even been accepted, please let me know how you live life. It’s normal to feel these things, but if you’re the college-going type, please go to college. Fill out the arduous applications: type your name and email into the little squares a million times if you have to, write that essay that the fate of your future depends on, pester your counselor for the thousandth time about your class rank; do it all, but don’t give up. You got this!

  • Stop talking to that boy 

Again, this isn’t Twilight, Bella. It’s not gonna happen, so please stop talking to him every night and get some sleep. You’ll thank me later. 

  • PRIORITIES, PRIORITIES, PRIORITIES !!!

If you learn nothing else from senior year (or this blog post), I hope it’s prioritizing! I know you want to go out to dinner with the girls, but the girls don’t have a huge research paper due tomorrow at 11:59pm. Though you probably could’ve done both had you managed your time wisely…

  • Time Management

Keep a planner or schedule at all times. Hold yourself accountable. Say you’ll get things done and ACTUALLY GET THEM DONE. Be honest with yourself, and only pan to do things you’re really going to do. Don’t set yourself up for failure. 

  • Learn the word “No,” and Use it Often

Stop agreeing to do things you don’t want to do or saying yes when you KNOW you don’t have time! Your friends will still love you if you miss one event, and if they don’t, you need better friends anyway. 

  • Self Care

Treat yourself kindly, and make time for yourself! Don’t make too much time for yourself to the point that you aren’t being productive, but every now and then, do something nice, just for YOU! Please just take care of yourself— mind, body, and soul. 

Senioritis is real, and you need to be aware of it. Don’t be in denial, but don’t be paranoid. It can happen to anyone, and that’s okay. You just have to recognize it and overcome it. 

If you feel symptoms of this illness coming on, take the proper precautions to prevent it from derailing you from having an awesome senior year. Keep your head up. It does get better 🙂 (or maybe it doesn’t…)

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Review of IDKHOW’s Debut Album

I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME is a band made up of Dallon Weekes (former Panic! at the Disco band member) and Ryan Seamen, who’s debut album “Razzmatazz” has just released on October 23rd. I am most definitely not qualified to review it, as I just became a fan of their work recently, but I have strong feelings about this album so here it is!

(disclaimer: these are just my opinions on the songs and I’m just doing this for fun)

 

Leave Me Alone – 7/10

Exactly as the title suggests, this song is all about wanting someone annoying to leave you alone. This is something that everyone can relate to and the cherry on top is that the music video has a fun 80s apocalyptic vibe. Overall a solid song.

Mad IQs – 4/10

I did not enjoy this one the first time I listened to it and I still do not enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great song, but it’s the first in the album to sound basic. IDKHOW has a very distinct sound and this song specifically sounds just like every other song they’ve ever written.  However, the first few lines sound eerily like “Take A Hint” from Victorious, and for that, it gets extra points.

Nobody Likes The Opening Band- 4/10

I have been to a few concerts in my lifetime and literally, no one shows up for the opening band. Everyone makes sure to show up right after they finish they’re set, just in time for the main event. So this is a fun song maybe if you were actually watching them open for another band, but just to listen to it as apart of their album is a kind of meh experience. Once again, a great song, but it’s probably one of my least favorites on the album.

New Invention – 4/10

Another song that is good but sounds exactly like everything else they’ve ever produced.

From The Gallows – 6/10

YES YES YES! This sounds like a completely unhinged love song to me and I’m here for it! The beginning of the song and the robot voice in the middle just fit the IDKHOW aesthetic perfectly. Honestly, it’s not a perfect song but I absolutely love it!

Clusterhug – 9/10

YES YES YES YEEEESSSSS! The perfect end credit song to your coming-of-age teen movie! I have and will continue to ball my eyes out to this song. Listening to it is just an amazing experience. Definitely my favorite song on the entire album!

Sugar Pills – 3/10

Least favorite song on the album. Sounds like a painfully average pop song. I enjoy listening to it on occasion, but I will most likely be skipping it whenever it comes on.

Kiss Goodnight- 10/10

This song is perfect. It is just absolutely perfect is every way. It’s just a solid love song. I just – I can’t describe how much I love this song.

Lights Go Down – 8/10

The chorus of this is very pop for IDKHOW but very good. Never will this song come on and I not dance to it.

Need You Here – 6/10

I swear the next time I’m feeling extra alone, I will be crying to this and that is a promise.

Door – 5/10

A good song that I will not be listening to because it makes me sad in a bad way and brings up feelings that I don’t want to confront yet.

Razzmatazz – 5/10

Don’t get my wrong, the saxophone is godly and the music video is cool but other than that, Razzmatazz is just fine. A little underwhelming actually.

 

So that’s my review of “Razzmatazz” and I hope you’ll give it a listen, as it is a very good album! If you do listen to it or if you already have, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

The Pressure of Perfection

“I’m not perfect. Why would I ask you to be?”                                 

   ― Mrs. Sibley 

I often describe myself as a perfectionist, as I always strive for excellence.

However, lately, perfect seems overrated and unobtainable. I mean, I know it is, but it doesn’t feel worth it to try anymore. “If it can’t be perfect, why do it?” type beat. I’ve been meeting my goals, but I’m barely hanging on by a thread. I’m not proud of any of the work I’ve created recently, and I feel like a failure, so I ask myself: why do you keep why trying?

Why does anything I write matter if it’s not the best– if it’s not perfect? I’ve been producing work here lately that I’m ashamed to put my name on, and I don’t know how to deal. I try, and I try, but nothing feels good. I’m in this funk that feels like I’m drowning, and I can’t catch my breath. 

The pressure of perfection lives on my shoulders, and it is so heavy, and I can’t carry it all. But I think acknowledging this has allowed me to let go, to release some of the pressure. 

I used to think being perfect was some sort of flex, and maybe it was, but now, it’s a hindrance. I keep trying to be perfect, instead of just doing what I love. The lines have blurred, and now I can’t tell the difference, but I have to keep moving forward, perfect or not. 

Here are some affirmations that I read often to keep myself motivated:

What Happened to Reading for Fun?

I can remember being eleven years old and being obsessed with Percy Jackson. I loved learning about Greek mythology and reading about Percy fighting off monsters and going on adventures with his friends. At first, it was just the original series. Then it was the spin-off, Heroes of Olympus. Then it was two more spin-offs of the original spin-off (“Magnus Chase” and “The Trials of Apollo”). 

There were some nights I didn’t sleep at all because I was so invested in the story. And then there were some days where I’d check out the next book at the library and the librarian would be like “Didn’t you just get a book yesterday?” and I would have to explain that I stayed up all night reading it. Each book built more and more on the world and characters. To this day, I still consider it to be one of my favorites book series/universes ever!

Reading started as something I was basically forced into. Of course, kids have to learn, so they’re forced to read in class and at home so that they can one day do it on their own. And then in second or third grade, I was required to participate in Accelerated Reading (AR) for school.

AR was basically just reading books and taking quizzes on them to make sure you actually read them. Each book you read had was a certain number of points based on how difficult the book was to read and how long it was. For reference, a Dr. Seuss book is 1 point if you get every question on the AR quiz correct. The first Percy Jackson book is 13 points. Each student had to reach a certain number of points every nine weeks, with everyone’s goal being slightly different depending on how strong of a reader they were. The average class goal was 25 to 40 points per nine weeks

I don’t know why, but I really liked getting points from reading. Most nine weeks, I doubled or even tripled my goal. By the end of AR (eighth grade), my average goal was 100 points or above every nine weeks, and I was still doubling it! I forget my complete point total, but by the time I stopped doing AR, it was over 1000.

Reading was such fun for me. Throughout elementary and middle school, I read hundreds of books. Reading was a huge part of my life. It was my escape.

That’s why it pains me to say that after I wasn’t required to do AR anymore, I stopped reading. Of course, there was the occasional new Percy Jackson spin-off book and class required reading, but I eventually stopped reading for fun all together.

Last year, I only read one book… and I didn’t even finish it. It was frustrating, because what happened to the girl who read the entire Harry Potter series in just three weeks in the 5th grade??

Reading got replaced with other things. The apps and games on my phone, Youtube and Netflix, and hanging out with friends. That fact on its own is fine, but it’s still kind of crazy to me. How could something I loved so much and that defined a lot of my life for a looooong time just disappear completely??

I’ve been trying to get back into reading. I finished a book this month and although it wasn’t very good, I’m still so happy I finished it. 

I’m president of MSA’s book club now, so I have to read one book each month now. Hopefully, that will push me to get back to how I used to be able to read. I miss the joy that reading a good book used to give me and since this year has been especially rough, I feel like I’m in need of a little extra joy!

The Girl Who Peaks in High School

If graduation never came, I’d be okay with that. I’d be over the moon, jumping for joy. 

I hear my friends, who are also seniors say things like, “I’m so ready to graduate,” or “I can’t wait to be in college,” but I can’t help but cringe at them. I have absolutely no desire to graduate or leave high school. 

I have spent the past 4 years in total bliss. I truly believe people when they say that these are the best years of your life because they have been. I’m not particularly “popular,” but I’ve always had a really great group of friends and people who support me. If my classmates were to describe me, they’d probably say something like, “Maleigh’s that weird, overexuberant girl that’s always planning events and making cheesy jokes,” and I am okay with that. I know who I am, and I’m not ashamed of it. 

I am ashamed, however, of being someone who peaks in high school, but I’m afraid it’s too late for that. I just simply can’t imagine that things can get any better than this amazing life. People say high school is overrated, but it’s my safe haven. In school, I excel. I may not be valedictorian or in the top 5 of my class, but I make good grades, I’m in a ton of extracurriculars, teachers love me. What’s not to love? Not to mention, I’m student body president which, I must add, was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I can’t express how much I truly love being a leader and getting to plan things and make things happen on campus. It’s one of the most rewarding feelings to serve the student body of MSA, and I don’t want to have to leave that behind. 

Yesterday, after writing that, I felt compelled to visit the counselor. I was really struggling, and I’m not usually one to ask for help, but it seemed like something I needed to do. 

After our visit, I left teary-eyed, but I also left with having told another human being how I was really feeling. Too often I swallow my emotions and force a smile no matter how I’m feeling, so it was a huge step for me to admit my shortcomings, or what I think are shortcomings, and be unashamed to say them out loud. 

In my house, you just don’t talk about these things. Everything must be kept private, concealed, but what if we did talk  more? What if we acknowledged that we are , in fact, riding the struggle, or have been for far too long. Because, at that point, we are taking the first step in taking care of ourselves.

Yesterday, I took the first step, and I talked to someone. I said, “Hey, I’m not okay,” and I was met with open arms and unicorn encouragement cards (Thanks, Mrs. Harlie). So, take that first step, and take care of yourselves. 

Now, I’m still not completely sold on the idea of this not being my peak, but I have moved closer to accepting that and reminding myself that this is only the beginning of greatness and that there is so much more to come for me. 

So, maybe I won’t be the girl who peaks in high school or maybe I will, but today, I am choosing to just be a writer, to just be me. 

My Thoughts On Halloween

In some capacity, most of the widely recognized holidays hold a special place in my heart. New Year’s Eve has a cute Charlie Brown special and staying up until midnight was always fun to me as a child. Valentine’s Day was just an excuse to get free candy at school. But the holidays that hold the most of my heart are Christmas and Halloween. And as Halloween is only a few days away, I’ve started reflecting on what exactly it means to me. So I present to you, my thoughts on Halloween!

Halloween (to me) will always be the estranged cousin to the rest of the holidays.

Every holiday has a few key things in common:

1) Each has at least a few or more movies, songs, or television specials centered around them.

2) Corporate greed has distanced them so far away from their original meaning that they’re now all about buying things (decorations, outfits, gifts for others).

3) Most of them have happy, celebratory connotations.  


Halloween is a little different. It originated from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, where people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts. It has plenty of movies, songs, and of course the tradition of Trick-Or-Treating in costume. Halloween will always have some element of childishness link to it for me,  but it will always have a darker, more supernatural feel to it than other holidays. Unlike other holidays, fictional monsters, terrifying horror movies, and haunted house (mazes, hayrides, etc.) will always make Halloween stand out.

 

As I’ve grown older, I’ve grown to like Halloween a lot more than the other holidays. The mature and supernatural aspects of the season have always interested me, even though I’ve not always partaken in them.

I’ve never been a fan of horror movies. I’d never even watched one all the way through until last year. But for this Halloween season, I’ve watched more in the past month than I have in my entire lifetime. I don’t think I’ve gone and fallen in love with them yet, but I’m having fun exploring the genre.

As far as haunted houses (mazes, hayrides, etc.) go, I’ve only ever been to one good one, and that was just last weekend. Before then, the only one I’d ever been to relyed so heavily on strobe lights that you couldn’t even see how bad the jumpscares were. Last weekend I visited The 13th Gate in Baton Rouge, one of the nation’s best haunted houses (supposedly). I waited for 3 hours JUST TO GET IN LINE and then journeied through a house full of bloody people, clowns, and one gigantic rat that I did not care for. It wasn’t worth the three hours, but the set, animatronics, and actors were so entertaining and incredibly well put together that I still had fun!

These however have not been the main reasons I’ve grown to love Halloween.

I love it because of the atmosphere it creates. I love wearing a costume that other people think I may be too old to wear but that I think I look really cool it. I love hearing about ghosts and witchcraft even when I don’t really subscribe to those beliefs. Halloween is just a time to be weird and enjoy the fall weather, which are already too of my favorite pastimes. It just has something for everyone, especially people like me who appericated a creepy/fall vibe.

So in conclusion, Halloween is the superior holiday. And I hope whoever is reading this has a happy one!

Me and My Hair: A Love-Hate Relationship

After rereading Bri’s “hair tips from a redhead” from last year and reading Emma’s “My curly hair journey” from last week, I’ve been inspired to also talk about my hair!

When I was younger and my curls were still completely unruly, older women would always come up to me and ask if they could have it.

“Oh, I wish I could have your hair!” 

“Would you just give me some of your hair? You have enough for both of us!”

“I wish I had hair like yours!”

As a child, I used to think they meant it literally. So when they asked, I just stood there awkwardly and said thank you, even though on the inside I was trying to figure out how to tell them that I was too young to be bald.

Even still, I absolutely hated my hair.

The girls in my class started spending hours styling their hair before school as young as the second grade! Of course, some would sleep in rollers to curl their’s the night before an important day, but I always seemed to focus on the other curly/wavy haired girls that would could to school with their hair straighten.

My sister and I are the only ones in our family with curly/wavy hair. Everyone else’s is straight as a board, so there was no one to teach us how to take care of our hair properly. That’s probably why it’s taken until this year for me to really understand what it takes to have curly hair.

I used to try and straighten it, brush it out, and cake on products after products just to get it to lay down flat. My hair was fizzy and crunchy and just overall awful, which didn’t help my feelings toward it. Now I know that I was going about it all wrong.

The first thing I stopped doing was washing my hair every other night. I learned that when I shampooed my hair daily, it hurt it more than help it. From what I could gather, shampoo dries out curls and rids the hair of the natural oils that hold the curls together! So while I do still shower daily and condition every other day, no more shampoo!

I’ve also started cutting my own hair. The woman who used to cut my hair would straighten it first, then cut it, which didn’t look good curled. I’ve learned that my hair needs more layers to look good and while I still have a lot to learn, I’m enjoying the outcome so far! And I’m saving money, so that’s always a plus!

I’ve also cut down on the number of products I use on my hair. I use one conditioner in the shower, wash it out, put in leave-in conditioner (along with some oil I don’t know the name of) while it’s still wet, and then brush it out. I then wrap it in a t-shirt and usually just go to bed with it like that (I’m just lazy). In the mornings I use some sort of mousse (or gel/cream stuff) to make everything look okay and then I go on with my day. 

I understand that could have been a little confusing to read, considering that I don’t know exactly what any of the products I use are called, but I do hope it was somewhat helpful.

I found Bri’s and Emma’s blogs helpful and reassuring, so I just thought I’d give my two cents! Of course, I’m still learning. But I think that with every new thing I learn about my hair and how to take care of it, I grow to love it even more!

Of course, I still have bad hair days. Even as I write this I’m not too happy with how it looks. But even still, I love it. It’s beautiful and it’s something that I should love and take care of because’s it’s apart of me! And if another curly-haired person is reading this, just know your hair is also worth the time, effort, and love!

All That I Am

Note: I wrote this spontaneously during a bout of insomnia spurred by an overactive mind: the night before, I had finished a life-changing piece of fiction that liberated me from previous writing fears. It is abstract, messy, and different from my usual blogs, but it is relevant in its early morning authenticity. (:

I feel so much—more than I want, more than I understand. But I am nothing but alive. I feel the breath in my lungs, the black of the night, the reality of failure. I feel the light rain on my skin like a scintilla of some feeling; I feel everything.

Whenever the walls creep in too close for comfort, I escape into sky. I spend hours outside searching for sanctuary: I walk in endless circles until my ankles bleed, listening to lame music and mulling over deadlines; I spend hours lying in the grass, unbothered by curious insects; I drink my coffee in rocking chairs and think of nothing but the moment and the hushing of pain. I feel safe here, wrapped within the limitless depth of the ever-changing sky. I feel the soft blue reflected deep within me; I feel the clouds swallowing all of my apathy. I chase the sunset every evening, as I feel whole when the dying sun eats me alive with all of its desperate color. In those moments, I am. I exist, and that is enough. The light warms my skin, and I am revered, restored. This is plenty.

Life hurts. In so many ways, it does, and it hurts for everyone. 

I attend one of the best high schools in Mississippi, and I love it. I have accomplished more than I ever dreamed of (and deserve), and so many more months remain. I near the precipice of my true beginning, of my own unapologetic existence in this vast, horrifying world, and I do not fear the strife that awaits me. In my dorm, I have two drawers overflowing with snacks, and I now have the ability to play “Jump” by Van Halen on random keyboards. I have dreams and aspirations, and I am balancing my stress with creativity. I am surrounded by people I care about, and I want so much. I want to succeed; I want to awake each morning; I want to be alive.

But my sleeping schedule lies in anarchic ruin. Every minor grade is directly connected to the state of my future. Radical changes manifest in every aspect of my life. I have no stability. I have no certainty. I know nothing but deadlines and stress and the need to escape. I want out of my skin; I want to rid myself of every worry, every doubt. An incessant river of chaos rushes within me, and I feel it bubbling towards the surface of my control. I feel so lonely or so crowded at times. And I long for my junior year: I never wanted it to end, and time felt so infinite as I indulged in every moment of this new adventure at MSA.

But I am alive. 

There is something so powerful about resilience, about the will to adapt and overcome. And I feel this every time I submit an essay I panicked over, every time I close a hundred tabs. I feel this every time my head hits a pillow after midnight, every time someone smiles because of me. I am alive in this moment, and this is enough. The pain is necessary because it is a good pain—the kind that results from feeling too much and aching to accomplish more than humanly possible. It is trying.

Throughout the years, writing has served various purposes for me, but it has always existed as an escape. As I forget myself in my work, I feel the words escaping me, this year. I feel them growing more bold, more bare. Every piece is of desperation, for I am beginning to relinquish all that I have, all that I am, to the page. I am beginning to surrender to myself and my fear. I am escaping. I am no longer bound by the same insecurities. I am beyond myself and my fragile understanding; I am the words I speak. My fingers punch the keyboard, and I see myself for what I truly am: a living being. The stress evaporates, I slip into a comatose state, and I emerge hours later feeling not quite like before. This all sounds quite pretentious, but I am in love with slipping outside of my body and just being. I exist only as a writer in those moments (meanwhile, the piece is about tacos…HAH!).

You are more than your pain, your past. You are everything and more. You are indomitable. You are your own artist, your own home, your own breath. Fall in love with the little things, and you will feel full. Discover your own meaning, your own truth. Surrender. Trust in the strength of vulnerability. Learn to let your heart die, sometimes. Learn from everything that surrounds you, and you will understand. You will feel full.