Good Reads – Page 13 – Literary Arts Blogspace

Yes, I have a playlist for that

Just as the title may suggest, I have A LOT of playlists of Spotify. So let’s go on a tour of them together, shall we?

Currently, I have 25 playlists and counting, with over 500 hundred songs and hundreds of hours of music across all of them. However, only 15 are public.

“when you give me the aux” is titled so because it’s a list of songs I deemed worthy effort to play around other people. I very embarrassed about my music taste, so having a playlist for “Oh, you can play something” has been extremely helpful!

This playlist includes several remixed Lin-Manuel Miranda show tunes, as well as songs by Billie Eilish, blackbear, and Taylor Swift. Basically, if I’ve cried while listening to it, it’s on the list.

“h e a v y” was created in the beginning of quarantine, just as the full realization of what all was happening was finally hitting me. The entire playlist has a let-me-just-lay-here-on-the-floor vibe.

Sometimes I just want to dance around in my room all by myself. Sue me!

This summer, I found myself without anyone to go to the lake with or to swim at the beach with. I spent more time tanning this summer than I ever have, so I made a playlist for it.

Just a playlist of uplifting music for those happy days.

So I went through an emo phase. If you’ve seen some of my more “edgier” outfits around MSA, then you could have probably guessed that. “why can’t it just be a phase” * is just for those times where the emo jumps out again.

* I know it’s misspelled in the screenshot

This sounds dark and edgy, but it’s just songs that I work to that are completely instrumental, so technically.. there are no words are this playlist.

Just some soft, cuddly songs. They are also nice to nap too.

Just the opposite of the last one! “dancy love songs” is basically the dance-party-in-your-room, just with someone else!

The title of this playlist is still in the works, but “a hot shower on a cold afternoon” sums it up nicely I think. This is an extremely calming playlist that not only have I had spa days too but have also fallen asleep listening to.

I don’t know why it smells, it just does. This is just a list of songs that take me back to the early 2000s and my elementary school years.

Last, but not least, is my collaboratory playlist. It’s fairly new but it’s a collection of music that my friends can recommend to me. I’ve always had an issue with listening to the same music over and over again. This way, I always have to need music to listen to.

Thank you for taking this journey with me through my Spotify. If you ever need a music rec, feel free to ask! And I’m open to new music all. the. time. So if you hear something good, let me know!

The Manic Pixie Dream People

Stereotypes can be defined as an over-generalized belief about a particular group of people. They can span everything from race to religion. Society has been known to push stereotypes in media, whether it be in television, film, or marketing advertisements. Gender stereotypes and tropes in particular have never been my favorite thing. However, this doesn’t mean there haven’t been some instances of me enjoying seeing them on screen!

In The Princess Diaries (2001), the trope of “nerd girl isn’t pretty until her makeover” is presented at it’s finest. Anne Hathaway (an undoubtedly gorgeous actress) is presented as a less than pretty, shy girl until she receives her iconic makeover. After her makeover of contact lenses and straighten hair, her crush notice her and the world accept her as royalty. I hate this trope with a fiery passion, but that doesn’t stop me from watching this movie at least once a year, without fail!

But this isn’t about nerdy, shy girl makeovers. This is about The Manic Pixie Dream People!

Manic Pixie Dream Girls/Boys

I’m sure you’ve already been beaten over the head with reasons as to why this trope is bad and harmful but just bear with me.

Manic Pixie Dream Girls are usually presented as saviors to their male counterparts in a time of need. They fix their lives, have a brief romantic relationship with them, and then disappear without a trace. They serve only to further a male character’s growth and usually have no significant character arch of their own. A popular MPDG is Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim VS. The World.

For a while, like most, I didn’t consider that there would be another side to the Manic Pixie Dream coin. But alas, there’s more!

If he’s mysterious, charming, pretentious, and “deep”, then he’s definitely a Manic Pixie Dream Boy! The most popular example I can think of is Augustus Waters in The Fault in Our Stars. MPDBs fair sightly better compared to MPDGs, as they usually have a bigger storyline of their own and most likely get the girl in the end. However, in most instances I’ve seen, the MPDB will die by the end of the story. The real kicker is that their love interest most likely will mourn their death for the rest of their lives and never really get over them.

So after all that, you probably have a few characters in mind that fit these descriptions. This brings up an alarming question. If these characters are so harmful, then why are they so popular?

The answer is kind of simple. People want what they can’t have.

I’m not saying this to judge anyone, I promise. I vividly remember times when the thought of a mysterious stranger sweeping me off my feet and making all my problems go away sounded pretty good.

The reality of this is that MPDGs and MPDBs are nowhere near being real people. They set impossibly high standards and incredibly unrealistic expectations for relationships. Real relationships consist of two completely flawed people just trying their best. One should not rely on the other to solve all their problems. And there should always be an equal give and take. And usually, normal relationships don’t last, which is completely okay!

The constant repetition of stories such as the one depicted in The Fault in Our Stars makes me wonder why everything gets turned into a love story, but that may be another blog topic for another day.

So to end this, here are two of my favorite movies that I believe accuratly present romantic relationships! When Harry Met Sally... follows two friends throughout the twists and turns of their life as they slowly fall in love with each other (funny). Marriage Story follows two sides of a divorce as the once marriaged couple tries to figure out what to do next (sad). If you end up watching either of these (I think they’re both on Netflix), I hope you enjoy them and please let me know what you thought!

Diamonds under concrete

Last year I felt like the ground I was walking on was moving against me- making it impossible for me to move forward no matter how fast I was trying to walk. Something I wish I knew last year: the world is however you choose to see it.

Over quarantine, I’ve had a lot of time to self reflect with the time I was forced to spend with myself. I wanted my first blog post of the year to come from the new person I am because of this self reflection and how I got here.

Let me start off by saying that self reflection and change is never easy and it requires a lot of time. It’s one thing to realize things you don’t like about yourself, but it’s another to try and change those things based on the person you want to become.

I was able to realize things about myself that I never thought I could realize by looking in myself to try and find the root of emotions when I felt them. I used to have really bad anxiety because I cared so much on what people thought and wanted to please their standards. It took a lot to overcome this, but I did it by finding the person I was.

My favorite music artist, xxxtentaction, once said, “You’re not supposed to be alone and then start hating yourself– you’re supposed to to see things about yourself and change it. That’s what it is. You have to change it. and in order to reach that next level of happiness, you have to love yourself. You have to take time with yourself.”

I’ve always wanted to love myself, but that’s hard to do when you don’t know the person you are. So, that became my main goal in life– to find who I was. After a lot of soul searching, I found a lot of things I didn’t like about myself– such as how much I cared about insignificant things. I learned to let go of the things I held on to so tightly that . I learned to not care as much by finding peace in myself. I’m very proud of the progress I’ve made, because let me tell you, It wasn’t easy. I had to completely change my mindset and my view on the world.

I’ve realized that at the end of the day, all you are is a person. People are beautiful things. They have the compacity to empathize and feel. They have the ability to think. The mind is an amazing gift that makes up who you are. The best thing you can do for yourself is explore your mind. Explore what makes you you. Find who you want to be and strive to be that person. But most of all, don’t live off of someone else’s blueprint they have picked out for you. Meet YOUR standards, not theirs. It doesn’t matter what others think as long as you love how you think.

The symbolism of this title is the concept of finding what has been there all along. The path you are walking on may seem dull, but with a change of mind, you can find the beauty that lies beneath it. I encourage you all to look inside yourself and find who you are. You can not truly be happy until you find happiness inside yourself. It is hard, but so are all the best things in life.

Thank you for reading! I hope you got something out of this post and enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing it:)

An Ode to Planners and Their Keepers

The Happy Planner

A lot of people keep planners or datebooks to keep track of their busy schedules and lives, but when I talk about my planner, I’m talking about my Happy Planner.

What’s a Happy Planner, you may ask? Well, it’s a planner like no other. It has a disc-bound system that allows you to remove and add in your own pages using a special hole puncher and discs specific to The Happy Planner.

The appeal of Happy Planners are that they are so customizable. It is essentially what you make it. Whether you’re simple and minimalistic or bright and colorful, there’s a Happy Planner for you. There’s different types of planners too. For instance, there’s Faith planners, Fitness planners, Recipe planners, Health and Wellness planners, Student/Teacher planners, etc. There are so many types available in all kinds of designs and layouts. As for layouts, The Happy Planner has a couple different sizes of planners: BIG, Classic, mini, skinny mini, and Classic skinny mini.

In these sizes, you can get different layouts, such as Vertical, Hourly, Block, Horizontal, Lined Vertical, etc.

So, now you’ve got the system figured out, you’ve chosen your size(s), and your layout(s). Here comes the fun part… STICKERS!! Another reason The Happy Planner is so special is because they are designed for decorative planning. Decorative planning is so much fun, and it allows you to be creative while being productive. Here are a few of my weekly planner spreads:

Other Planners

So, I know this blog has been pretty specific to The Happy Planner, but there are some other really great planner companies that offer other binding systems and customization. There’s Erin Condren, Plum Paper, Agenda 52, Recollections, and more! These can all be found on their own websites or at your local craft store (Michael’s, JoAnn’s, Hobby Lobby, etc.). The Happy Planner is a little more exclusive, and a limited quantity of their products can be found at Walmart. However, with that exclusivity, comes a more exclusive price. There are coupons and bargains pretty often, but being a decorative planner can get pretty pricey. I recommend joining Buy/Sell/Trade groups for planners on Facebook, as many of them destash their unwanted items or will resale items that they might not have needed.

Planner Community

Another perk of being a planner, is the community! The planner community is filled with people from all walks of life who just enjoy being creative and keeping track of their busy schedules. It’s such a positive and accepting environment, and most people don’t even know about it. And maybe some people find it weird that people can come together to bond over stickers, but weird or not, it’s all some people have, so who are we to judge what makes them happy and fulfilled?

My Planner Journey

My journey into the planner world started in 2016. My sister bought me Recollections planner for Christmas. I didn’t care too much for it in the beginning, but as I got older and my life got busier, I needed it. Looking back, I didn’t have nearly as much stuff to do now, but as a middle-schooler, just having a place to keep track of it all helped me tremendously.

When I switched to the more coveted Happy Planner, it honestly changed my life. I became obsessed with the stickers and writing things in my planner. It was so fun, and I was happier because I was getting things done and still taking care of myself. The Happy Planner’s motto is “Plan a life you love,” and I stand by that. Nothing great can happen without a plan and without action. Having a planner, allows me to plan, thus allowing me to take action, and do great things.

I hope this post inspired or motivated you in some way. Maybe you go out and get your own planner or maybe you just appreciate the people who do.

The Offical Bucket List

The Earth is 4.543 billion years old. The continent of North America is 200 million years old. People didn’t come to North America until 15,000 years ago. The United States of America wasn’t even established as a country until 244 years ago! And now, in the year 2020, I am 17 years old.

This world has been around much longer than I have and will continue to be around loooong after I’m gone. During these 17 years, I’ve done some pretty remarkable things. But will I ever really get to do everything I want to? No one can answer that.

Below, I’ve compiled a list of things I want to do before I die. Sure, some of them might seem silly or weird, but if I can make it happen, then this is exactly how I want my life to look! So without further or do, I present to you… my bucket list!

The City of Lights

Who hasn’t had fantasies of wandering the streets of Paris? With its rich history, beautiful architecture, and romantic atmosphere, Paris is almost like a fairy tale come to life. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to go there. I don’t care if I live there for years or visit for just a few hours, but before I die, I will see Paris!

Road Trip!

Sure, I’ve been stuck in a car for hours on end before, but my friends were never there to make it spontantious and interesting! The idea of packing up and piling into a car with your friends to go road tripping has always sounded fun to me! Where exactly would I want to go? I honestly don’t really care, as long as we get to see some cool things!

Home Sweet Home

The ultimate dream is to one day live in a house that seems like it’s come right out of a movie! Examples of this are:

70s homes have always been really appealing to me and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the colors? Maybe it’s the lack of sharp angles on the furniture?

If I ever drop off the grid and flee into the mountains to live in a cottage as a “fairy princess”, do not be alarmed. I am just living out a dream that I’ve had since I was six.

I’m already on the verge of turning my dorm into a forest, so if one day my house is JUST plants, don’t be surprised.

Lights! Camera! Action!

As a Media, I work on many video projects. Two are on MSA’s official Media YouTube channel and more will soon be on RISE’s website, but those have been strictly for school. One day I hope to make something (whether it be a short film, a documentary, etc.) completely of my own, without the restrictions of having to abide by rules. I aspire to make a deeply personal project one day, whatever that may entail.

Mukbang

Who hasn’t wanted to eat an obscene about of food all at once? I know I have! I don’t think I’d want to make an entire YouTube video about it, but I like the idea of getting a bunch of food with some friends and just pigging out.

Performing Live

This is the only thing on this list that I’ve (technically) already done. I performed a few songs with my cousin’s band a few years ago, but I was still a very shy person back then. I’ve always wanted to be on stage with a full band, screaming into a microphone and dancing around like crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t really sing anymore, but it still sounds fun!

Dancing

I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’ve probably seen me dance before. And if you haven’t, then you most likely will if you go to any of MSA’s dances. At every school dance, wedding, and party I’ve ever been to, I’ve rarely left the dance floor. I don’t know why this is, I’m not even that good of a dancer! But regardless, I loooove to dance. I personally don’t think anyone should care what they look like when they dance. They should just dance and have fun! With that said, I do think it would be cool to actually learn how to dance one day!

In The End…

After everything is said and done, the main focus of life is to just enjoy it and to help others enjoy it. I’ll be okay if I never make it to Paris in my lifetime. I can live without ever having some cool, absurd house. The number one item on my bucket list (and yes, it is cheesy) is to just enjoy whatever I can get out of life!

I want to get a good job that I enjoy and spend time with the people I love. I want to help others try to enjoy their lives, and while setting goals is important, I want to be okay with the fact that I might not get to do everything that I want. That’s why it’s important to seize moments when you get them, because life is too short for regrets.

Welcome Back + Life Update

…aaand we’re back!

It’s been a while since I last blogged, so I figured I’d just tell you guys what I’ve been up to, as well as what the my blog platform will look like this year!

First, I am a senior now- crazyyy! I am also student body president, which still blows my mind to say out loud, but I’m honestly still the same Maleigh! I feel like coming into this year I almost felt like I had to “redefine myself,” but I quickly realized that is quite okay to just be me!

However, my blogging style will be getting a makeover. Instead of posting journalism or informational type blogs, I will be using this platform to talk more about me and my life. There won’t be quite as many series, and my posting will be more sporadic, but on the last Friday of each month, I will post some sort of literary review, so look forward to those! But as for every other week, you can just expect more about me. Last year when the pandemic hit, things were hard, and I had to sort of go off schedule and off plan, and it proved to be very difficult for me, so I want to challenge myself this year to just write- no rhyme or reason needed.

So, the last time you heard from me, I was reflecting and saying my goodbyes, but in these last few months, I’ve done quite a lot, so I’ll include some photos of what my life has looked like in this pandemic.

I won a few awards for my writing (not sure why I am holding it like a baby)!

I spent a lot of time with my silly kitty, Manny!

I became pen pals with most of my MSA family to pass the quarantine time, and I must say letter writing is a lost art form!

I hung 😉 out in this super comfy hammock!

That’s pretty much what I did during quarantine! I did a lot of cooking and baking too, but I didn’t have any photos that. How did you guys pass time while at home? Let me know in the comments!!

Am I Better Off?

Do not ask me how my summer went. All I will say “Good! How was yours?”. I’m lying. It is so much more complicated than that.

My summer was filled with high highs and extreme lows. Everything I was looking forward to was canceled, everyone I wanted to hang out with was quarantined, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I’m writing this in order to put a positive spin on what I’ve been through. I want to know if the months of little to no social interaction and constant intake of information from the media have done me any good at all. Am I better off than I was six months ago?

Feelings are weird

Quarantine took a toll on my mental health, as I’m sure it did with everyone. I felt very deeply about missing out on the final months of my junior year at MSA. For me, MSA is a safe, happy place where I live and work alongside friends and can create freely. Sure, I have freedoms at home and can create there if I wish, but it’s just not the same. The atmosphere of MSA is unique to it alone and being deprived of it kinda sucked.

Along with MSA, a lot of other summer activities that I was looking forward to were canceled due to COVID. My family had planned to take a trip to Washington D.C., I had planned to help with the summer children’s show at my local theatre, and I wanted to take my friends on a road trip for my birthday! Suddenly we couldn’t take a plane anywhere, the theatre canceled the summer show, and my birthday party happened over Skype.

I guess in a way I was mourning. I had lost the last bits of my junior year and most of my summer to something completely out of my control. Sometimes I felt bad about feeling bad. Thousands of people were (and still are) mourning loved ones who lost their lives to COVID, so me not getting the birthday celebration I wanted really shouldn’t have been a big deal.

The thing is though, I was allowed to be upset about it. The way the world works, people will always have it better or worse than I do, and I really can’t change that. So I was allowed to feel bad when I can’t go back to school. I’m allowed to feel bad about the bad things that happen to me.

I understand that this may seem obvious to some people. Maybe you’ve lived your life just being able to feel whatever you what to whenever you want to. If so, good for you! But for me, it’s harder to recognize my feelings, accept them, and move on. After quarantine though, the process has become a lot easier!

I kinda like me now?

When you spend a lot of time with yourself, you realize a lot of things you didn’t before. For instance, I’m a very affectionate person. I did not realize how much I depended on physical affection until I stopped receiving it. I thought that the occasional hugs from my family would be more than enough, but I was surprisingly mistaken. It’s kinda cool to know that even though you’ve been suck with yourself all your life, you can still learn new things about yourself.

I also spent a lot of my time in pajamas with no makeup. I’m a very self-conscious and the idea of leaving my house with no makeup used to rattle me quite a bit. But after the months in quarantine with no makeup ever on, I became used to it. After a while longer, I finally stopped wearing makeup for the wrong reason. Well, the wrong reason for me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using makeup to cover blemishes or lighten dark circles or anything else like that. But when I used to do that, it became less of me covering up the occasional pimple and more of me wanting to change everything about my face. It got to a point where I seriously didn’t enjoy looking at it without makeup on. However, over quarantine, I seemed to have made peace with my face as is. I can’t change it, so I’m going to love it as is. Now when I wear makeup, I wear it as a way of expressing myself.

Overall, I enjoyed the time I spent with myself. Sure there were more lows than highs, but now I know that I can make it through and come out stronger. It makes me so much more appreciative of myself and who I am. If I can make it through months of quarantine during a global pandemic, then I can make it through a heck of a lot more!

So to answer my question, I think that I am better off now than I was six months ago!

From the Queen

With the end of the school year fast approaching, I wanted to share my final story as a Junior at MSA. Yes, it is sad thing, but also it is a good thing. Life continues to move along in the midst of all this chaos. Honestly, I am quite proud of the piece. I think it is one of the most thought-out works that I have made. It is exactly how I want it to be. Enjoy! (it is a bit long, so sit back…relax…and stretch your neck!)

From the Queen

The sound of eager footsteps approached my door. Heavy breathing with a hint of wheezing travels through the mouth of whatever poor fellow had to run to my room. A ghost of a smile falls on my face before I throw on my emotionless facade when I open the door. Behind the door stands a boy holding a black, quill pen and light brown paper with the look of fear etched across his face.

The boy hesitated to talk. “Queen Alana, there has been a request for your signature by the king. I was told to bring you the document.”

“What is this document about?”

The boy gulped. “There has been a robbery in the market. They have the thief down in the sitting room waiting to be executed.”

I think over his words. A robbery in the market? It seems as if the current ruling of execution for thieves has not yet registered in the minds of the commoners. A wave of anger washes over me as I realize that the people of this kingdom refuse to obey our rules set as royals. I pick up the sides of my dress to keep from falling over the train. I push past him but stop a little ways later.

“Excuse me, boy. You say he is in the sitting room?”

The boy gulped harder. “Yes, your majesty. In the sitting room of the south living quarters.”

I make a swift turn, carefully maintaining my balance as I do. On my walk, I pass through the hall of looming portraits of all the past members of my family. I stop to let my eyes wander over my mother. Her portrait was the last one added to the collection after she died last year. When I married Charles, he gifted this portrait to me after her funeral. She was my family and now that I am a royal, she is a part of this family as well. I often stand and watch the picture. I look for anything that could give me answers on how to live this life the way it should be lived. She would have known. After my moment with her, I start my journey to the thief.

As I walk through the large, wooden doors, I see a man in the middle of the floor. His head hung low and his skin was covered in purple bruises. The other people in the room bowed down to me, greeting me in the same exact way. I nod my head with the intent of acknowledging them and immediately move my eyes to my husband. His eyes were already set on me, indicating he was watching me. I make my way to his side and lay a kiss on his cheek.

“My king.”

He smiles at me before laying a kiss on my lips. “My queen.”

With my lips tingling and my cheeks burning I turn to look at the man. His head is still down and his body looks even more slumped over.

“Did they beat him?”

My husband is many things. He is a nice, kind man, but he is also a king. He can switch off his kindness and replace it with a ruthless man in a heartbeat.

“Until he cried for them to stop.”

Sadly, I had to be the same way as queen.

“Good.”

“Did you sign the document, my love? I need to let the royal court know to prepare for his execution.”

I shook my head. “I wanted to see him first. I wanted to see the thief.”

The man on the floor shot his head up at my words. “I am not a thief!”

The guard standing behind him jabbed him in his side with his sword. “Shut up.”

The man simply kept talking. “I am not a thief. Don’t call me a thief.”

I scoff at his words. I look around the room to see everyone staring at me, awaiting my next words. Charles notices this and begins to talk, but I stop him.

“Then what are you? Are you a good man? Did you mistakenly steal from the market? Was it an accident?”

The man shut his mouth. That’s what I thought.

“I can not seem to figure out why people insist on stealing. We, as royals, have set rules. We have rules in place to keep these things from happening. Tell me why.”

Confusion fell on the man’s face. “Tell you why? Tell you why what?”

I released a frustrated sigh before speaking. “Tell me why people insist on stealing.”

He stuttered his reply. “I-I could not t-tell you why p-people steal b-but I-”

“But nothing. If you can not give me a reason, I will find one.”

I turned my back and lifted my hands to my face, bored with the conversation. I know the outcome…it is his death…and I have to be the one to announce it.

“Tomorrow at the crack of dawn you will have your head cut of-”

“Wait. Wait I-I have a reason.”

Silence fell in the room. He dared interrupt the queen? Charles grows in anger and is on the brink of killing the man himself. I calmly raise my hand to stop him.

“I can handle this, my love,” I swallow and clear my throat, “it is my job to do so.”

Charles steps back and signals for the other guardsman in the room to lower their weapons pointed in the direction of the man. I turn around slowly in anger and stare at the man. It is at this point when I realize that I do not know his name. Normally, in these cases I sign the document and let Charles handle the execution ceremony.

“What is your name?”

The man stares at me in disbelief before replying. “Joseph. My name is Joseph Willingham.”

“Well Joseph…you better have a good reason or so help me God…I will do more than cut your head off.”

The look that crossed over Joseph’s face stunned me in my place. He looked so scared…so terrified. My stomach dropped at this. I’d never seen anyone that scared of me. The boy who came to my room did not even look this scared of me. I looked down at my stance and saw how close I walked to him. I see how menacing I look. My eyebrows furrow and I take a step back forcing myself not to apologize. A queen never apologizes.

“I-I do have a good reason but… my queen…could I speak with you alone about it?”

I stared at him in confusion before looking around to see that everybody in the room was just as confused as I. I speak to him in a softer voice than before, feeling guilty about how I spoke earlier.

“Why must you speak with me alone? Whatever you can say, you can say in front of everybody here.”

He lets out a humorless laugh. “Well your majesty…you are the only one in this room who has not laid violent hands upon me.”

I stare at him for a while before I accept his request.

“You can speak with me alone. You have 10 minutes to tell me why you should not be killed while I am eating my breakfast tomorrow.”

I start walking back through the doors I came in, “Two guards pick him off the floor and follow me to my room.”

I don’t stop to look and see if they heard me…I know they did. As I walk back to my room, I walk in silence. My thoughts scream in my head as I think over the scene that unfolded in that room. This is the first time I will interact with someone waiting to be executed. This is my first time.

As we get closer to my room, we enter the hallway with the family portraits. I catch the eye of my mother and suddenly yearn for her comfort.

What would she do? Would she listen to his reasoning?

I did not have time to search for the answers to those questions as we passed through the hall and stood in front of my room. I open the doors and the smell of lavender settles in my nose. I tell the guards to get Joseph a seat while I go to my vanity and sit down.

Joseph stares at me as I stare at him. We watch each other. Him, I’m sure, in fear of what I could do. Me, in fear of what he could do. Once the guards brought in another chair, Joseph sat down and let his head drop. He released a deep, tired sigh.

“Joseph, let me remind you that you are only being allowed 10 minutes to talk.”

Joseph quickly lifted his head and began to speak. “I am not a thief.”

“Maybe try words you have not already spoken to me.”

Joseph releases another sigh before replying. “I am not a thief, but I am a father. I am a father to two girls, born at the same time. Twins.”

I think about this information only to realize that killing him would practically shatter his family. I refuse to talk, letting him have his 10 minutes.

“I didn’t steal from that market just to steal. I worked in the mines down in the Gutter before I was let off because of refusing to participate in the strikes they held. I could not participate, I would have been taken to jail. I needed money for food. I needed to feed my wife…my babies. I only took one thing. I took an apple. It was the only thing I could force myself to steal, I do not steal. I have never stolen anything before today.”

As I stared at him, I could tell that he was being honest. Tears pooled at his feet as he began to cry. My heart ached for him. I couldn’t let up easily on him. I needed to be sure I was doing the right thing.

I whispered his name in a comforting voice. “Joseph.”

He watched me walk to him and bend down to his level. He never looked away from me.

“We have rules. To steal is to be killed. We have no room for thieves under my rule nor the king’s, but… you are no thief. In order for an execution to not be administered, you have to have a trial with the royal court. My ruling will decide but they have to hear your story as well. This will be a first…we do not hold trials for thieves and yet…”

I release a final sigh before standing straight up. I motion for the guards to follow me outside the room.

“One of you take him to an empty room and have the maids come clean him up and redress him in cleaner clothes. For the other, go to the king and let him know we will hold a trial for Joseph. Tell him to gather the court. It will be held tomorrow,” I look back to see Joseph keenly listening to my words, “tomorrow at breakfast.”

With a deep sigh of relief, I see Joseph slump his body back over as his shoulders begin to bounce up and down. I bid the guards goodbye and watched as one of them took Joseph away. I close my door and lean against it in pain. A wave of sickness falls over me as it dawns on me how many people I may have wrongfully executed. The people I killed…the people I murdered for no good reason at all. As the thoughts dawn on me, I rush to the water closet to release the upcoming food in my mouth. With sounds of gagging and spit finally leaving the room, I slump over before laying on my back to ease my stomach. I sit in silence despite my thoughts screaming in my head. Tears pool in the dents of my face.

I can’t let it happen again. I can’t let them kill people like Joseph again.

I manage to peel myself off the floor and gather myself quickly. I look outside the window in my room and notice the dark sky shining bright with many stars. I remember my mom telling me that whenever I felt lost all I had to do was look into the stars and find my path. My neck strains itself looking up for so long, but it was worth it. I found the path…I found my path.

With a smile on my face, I close the window and climb into bed. Tomorrow brings change.

The birds wake me with their morning song. I stretch my stiff limbs and allow the maids to come in and dress me. After 20 minutes of silence mixed with the occasional grunt from me, I head out of my room in the direction of the room where the trial was to be held. On my journey, I pass by my mother’s portrait. While staring at the picture, a feeling of content settled in my stomach. I felt…at peace. I felt like I had the answers. I felt like I was doing the right thing. With a bidding smile goodbye, I left my mother and went to enter the room.

Like any day, when I walked in, everything stopped to watch me enter. Soon enough, heads and bodies bowed for me. The other 5 members of the royal court sat in high chairs overlooking the room. My husband sat in admiration of me. I could feel his eagerness to have me near him, so I obliged. I walked in confidence to the chair that sat beside him. With a quick kiss on his lips, I sat down and moved my attention to the man standing in the middle of the floor. It is Joseph. He looks scared…terrified even. His eyes keep moving between every person in the room except mine. I stare at his head until he feels it. When he does, his eyes slowly find me. I send him a quick, comforting smile. After he visibly relaxed, I began speaking.

“Today we gather. We gather to give a fair man a fair trial. I had the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Wilingham and I want you all to listen to what he has to say. I feel a change in the air, my people. I feel good change coming and I think it starts here,” I look at Joseph, “The floor is yours.”

Within 10 minutes, Joseph tells the court and myself the same story he told yesterday. From the faces of the members of the court, his story had the same effect on them like it did on me. Even my husband seemed to have a change of heart. His hand squeezed mine, bidding me to look at him. His eyes held regret and guilt. He knew exactly why I called the trial. I give him a reassuring smile, my eyes telling him we will converse at a later time.

Once Joseph finishes his story, silence fills the room. Everyone turns to me for the next words to be said.

I speak lowly at first. “Everyone in this room has killed a man. We have all killed a man because we did not take the time to listen to his story.”

Heads started to go down. Eyes started to wander around the room. Guilt started to seep into the room.

“How many Joseph’s did we kill? How many more could we have killed?”

When no answer was given, I stood up.

“This will no longer happen. Every person to come in this place we call home will have a story. Every person deserves to be heard. From this day forward, each person convicted of a crime will have a fair trial and an ear to listen to their story.”

The same heads that were down picked back up at my words. Faces full of respect filled the room. I turned to look at my husband to see a wide smile plastered on his face. I send him a smile before turning around and going to stand in front of Joseph.

“As for Joseph Wilingham, you are to be set free to return home with the promise to have royal protection for yourself and your family for as long as you may live. I will see to it that your family receives monetary compensation for the pain and suffering we have caused you. On behalf of every person in this room, I am deeply sorry.”

Joseph covers his mouth with his hand in disbelief and falls to the ground.

“My queen! Oh, how can I give more thanks to you?”

I smile before replying. “You do not have to give me more. I know. Pick yourself off the ground and join me tonight for supper before you depart back home.”

Joseph slowly builds himself back up to a standing position before agreeing to stay. I soon release everyone to go back to their duties.

My husband and I stand in the middle of the room that was just filled moments ago. He holds me as I hold him.

“My queen. A noble woman with a good heart. You are so good, my love.”

I shake my head at him with tears in my eyes.

“Oh, my love! The people we killed. We can not bring them back and it hurts. It hurts so much.”

I break down and cry in his arms. He pulls me close while whispering words of reassurance into my ears. After sharing our moment together, he bids me goodbye as he goes to make the arrangements for Joseph’s family. Exhaustion finds me and I start back to my room. On my walk back, I stop at my mother’s portrait and send her a bright smile.

“Even in your afterlife, you manage to make me see all the answers.”

I continue my walk to my room and soon find myself falling into bed. With the deeds of the day done, my eyes close to welcome rest at the time a smile creeps its way onto my lips.

I may not know all the answers yet, but today was only the beginning.

Please, God, Give Me Freedom!

I typically do movie reviews, book reviews, other reviews of the like, but today I’m feeling a bit reflective so I’m gonna complain about my uninteresting start of 2020. I’m not gonna lie, though. This year has been so eventful internationally with the fear of WW3 and the corona-virus, but in my everyday mundane life? Definitely not. My days have been filled with school, eating, exercising, Disney+™, and finally sleep – and trust me, I’ve been fighting for my time to watch Disney+. I’ve gotta feed my Simpsons addiction. With all that, I was thinking about how I barely have the energy to watch my shows after school. I feel so burnt out after school, probably because it’s so close to the end of the year. But, geez, I wish I wasn’t so tired so I could actually do things that I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

Like read! God, it’s been so hard for me to read lately. It seems like every time I try to sit down to read, I either get distracted or extra tired. I’ve been stuck on the same chapter of Beautiful Boy for at least three months. It’s genuinely the most obnoxious thing in the universe, too, because you literally just want to finish the book but you can’t because AH! You know what I mean? I have so many books just sitting on my shelf that are calling my name, but my bed is so enticing I just can’t help but to lay in it. Have you ever come back from an 8 to 5 school day, immediately walking over to a gym with terribly intense classes that you can’t keep up with, only to come back and trying to read after taking the most god-sent shower ever? Because, dude. It’s harder than staying awake at church after a Saturday debate tournament. T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E.

And please do not get me started on all the k-dramas and anime I’ve been planning on watching for the longest. I keep seeing all the commercials and getting these recommendations, but I can’t even watch them. It’s so disheartening when you want to chase your childhood and watch what these creators have gifted to you, but the world keeps shoving reality into your face over and over again until you feel the need to nap or watch Tik Tok every free moment you get. PLEASE, I want my happiness back! Actually, it’s been a pretty good week, BUT STILL!

I really miss watching my shows and reading because people are out here being stingy with giving inspo. I’m suffering from lack of change and creativity! But in all seriousness, to my younger people, do not waste your free time. Do everything you love, grab that creativity, enjoy being able to keep your eyelids wide open. Lord, knows I can’t. Reality has been settling in and honestly, I’ve just been sitting back and observing. I mean, what more can you do than that? I’m too tired to fight back right now. I’ll write again after this much needed nap.

Here’s to New Life

It’s finally 2020 – the ‘Roaring 20s’, if you will – and it’s the year that I thought would never come. It’s the year of adulthood, ultimate responsibility, and becoming more than what I thought I was last year. As a kid, I constantly talked about wanting to graduate and become an adult because of typical preteen angst. However, being a senior in high school and having adulthood look you straight in the face is a bit scary. In starting my senior year, I was sort of afraid of what the future would hold, especially when looking for colleges and what the costs were. I began to panic because I felt that I wasn’t ready for whatever was about to come. Eventually, my viewpoint began to change and little by little I began to receive these opportunities that guaranteed my future because of the work I put into determining what I want to do with my life.

To those of you who find yourself worrying about your futures, it’s okay. It’s okay to worry, as it’s a natural part of life, but try not to always get so caught up in what you fear you cannot do. I will give you a huge tip on this type of issue, though. Grind while you can. “Work hard now so you play hard later.” I heard that so much and never took that into consideration. To be completely honest, I thought it was a little stupid when I was younger because I had the thought that regardless, you still had to constantly work hard for what you wanted your entire life. But that’s just really not the case. When I started to work harder last semester and put my full focus on the things I wanted, I was able to get such satisfying results. And it is the best feeling I’ve ever experienced. Getting accepted into my first college was such a big achievement to me. I had been stressing to the max because of an irrational fear of not being able to get into a good college yet I’ve been accepted into six colleges and counting. I even got into my dream college and it’s an honor to even have been accepted, even if personal circumstances do not allow me to go. My writing, which I worked so hard to improve over the past few years, got me that opportunity along with scholarships.

And, I promise you, it’s not as hard as you think. It’s only a matter of breaking old habits and teaching yourself discipline. Will it take hard work? Yes. But you’ve got to want it. I remember sitting down last year and having my own type of consolation to figure out what I wanted to do. There was no more time for slacking and I needed to get my head out of the clouds. Even this year, I had moments where my head was stuck in the clouds, but I was able to ground myself again and become more realistic.

It’s been stressful but it’s been fun. I’ve got 14 days to enjoy my childhood and then it’s just that. Sure I have a couple months of school that’ll serve as extra time but there’s a new door that I’m prepared to open. And I want to pass down the motivation that’s gotten me to where I am today. Be the best version of yourselves and work hard for your future. Do it for yourself. : )