Ranking the Victorious Songs for Absolutely No Reason Whatsoever

Today I’ll be ranking songs from one of the shows that shaped my childhood. Worst to best. 

1 . Bad Boys-Tori

Personally I just don’t vibe with this one, the cadence of it just throws me off and it’s not a vibe for me. 

2. All I want is everything- Whole Cast

    This performance just fell flat to me, I didn’t like the arrangement but their outfits ATE DOWN.

3. I want you back (cover)-Whole Cast

This song definitely brought out the strength in specifically Andre and Cat’s voices, but I think the rest of the gang’s voices didn’t fit that song. Also it’s hard to compete with the Jackson 5. 

4. Make it Shine-Tori

I understand that this is the show’s theme song and don’t get me wrong it’s definitely a bop but compared to the others I just don’t think it can compete. It’s just not going to be the one I turn on when I want to listen to music from that show.  

5. Best Friend’s Brother-Tori

It’s cute, I love a quirky little acronym but it’s often a hit or miss with me. I love the performance though, despite my safety and equipment concern performing in the rain is pretty cool.

6. Faster than Boyz- Tori and Andre

I know this song is probably forgettable for most but something about Tori’s falsetto is just UGH. I listen to that song specifically for that, the pitched voices can be a little off putting but the falsetto I can’t just let it go. 

7. Beggin’ on your knees-Tori

I love vengeful bop, It’s not my favorite but the pettiness of having the guy the song is dumping on onstage as you perform bumps it up on the list. 

8. Tell me that you love me-Tori and Andre

Not much to say about this song, Andre was beautiful on it, as he always is but Tori just threw me off. 

9. Favorite Foods- Tori, Andre, Beck, Robbie, Jade, and Cat

  This song genuinely makes a good kids song, and the fact that Andre was able to turn it into an even better song just makes it even more loveable. If this was a real song it’d go bonkers amongst toddlers

10. Shut up and Dance-Tori, Andre, Beck, Robbie, Jade, and Cat

This song is this high purely because of Trina’s part and the harmonies between the girls. I love that the show took time to remind us that despite the character Trina’s actress plays she can still sing.  

11.  Here’s 2 us-Tori

This song is super fun, it feels like one you’d play at a graduation party. It’s just such a pleasant heartfelt banger. 

12. It’s Not Christmas Without You- Cat, Tori, Jade, and Andre

We have to give Andre his props for managing to write a GOOD new christmas song, his teacher was tweaking when he gave him a D for this beautiful song. I also loved when he jumped on the performance. 

13. Freak the Freak out-Tori

This song is one that ignites such strong memories for me, I remember singing this at like 8 in front of the tv like a maniac. And the wardrobe change while singing definitely helped it. 

           

14. Countdown-Tori and Andre

What can I say Andre knows how to write and sing a song. This is definitely one of my favorite Tori and Andre duets.

15. La Boys- Cat and Tori

Cat’s voice was often kept hidden especially in duets with Tori, because the show needed Ariana to chill because Victoria Justice was the main character but the run they let her give us in this song is ingrained in my brain. Tori was also really good in this as well.

16. Broken Glass- Robbie

I love a good parody song and this is the perfect example of this, I know every word to this song it’s so disgustingly catchy. 

17. Give it up- Jade and Cat

Jade and Cat are definitely a top performance duo, this song GAVE everything it needed to. They were ROBBED in that Karaoke contest.

18.  Leave it All to Shine (ICarly mashup)- ICarly and Victorious cast

The ICarly Victorious mashup is a defining moment of my childhood, the lyrics, the arrangements, the harmonies. Magnificent. It gave us everything and we should be grateful.

19. You’re the Reason-Tori

This song is super sweet, one of the few moments we see Tori and Trina’s love for each other purely and although it didn’t last long it was sweet. I would love a version where it’s just Andre singing though, what can I say that man’s voice is sunshine.

20. Take a Hint-Tori and Jade

Jade and Tori’s voices worked so well together here. And singing your rejection is a whole nother level of baddie. 

21.  I Think You’re Swell-Robbie

This song was so sweet, It showcases Robbie genuine adoration for Cat beyond just a crush. I love a self aware corny love song. 

22. Song 2 You-Andre and Tori

This was the better sister of Favorite Foods, this song is unnecessarily good, only gripe is that I wish it was a Andre solo but Tori sounded good too. 

23. You don’t know me-Jade

Even though this song brought Jade and Beck back together, which I don’t love Jade finally got her well deserved solo and she killed it. It was so fitting for her. 

24. 365 Days-Andre and Tori

My top favorite song has to be an Andre song, he was the most talented in my opinion and although I wish this was a solo him and Tori’s harmonies were gorgeous and can’t be forgotten.

Ranking Thomas Jasper Cat’s outfits with unnecessary sincerity.

Yes this is about Tom from Tom and Jerry, no there’s no valid reason for me writing this but I fear I won’t be able to stop thinking about it till the crime has been committed.  This list is best to worse. 

 

This one is definitely last on the list, I’m not feeling the bald head and wife beater, It’s very tired father chic. And compared to the other outfits we have seen from him this is definitely pretty disappointing.

 He’s definitely very cute in this one, I love a modest beach fit, but the solid red is kind of bland. I would have loved to see a brighter color. Also the long pant leg seems unreasonable as he already has fur and I’d imagine he’d want to keep cool at the beach. Overall cute fit but definitely would love some shorts and some cute design, possibly white flowers maybe some polka-dots.

 Tom is for sure serving here, I mean look at the little hat and the collar, I’M GAGGED. My only critique is I wish we did a bit more with it. It’s just a shall, if we added some fancy gloves maybe fingerless could be a vibe. Besides that this is definitely one of his best looks. 

 Now personally orange and green aren’t my favorite color combo, but he just looks so stinking cute here, and the HAT. UGH, I also feel the need to give this look its flowers cause my boy made it out of A CURTAIN. No one’s out here doing it like him. Side note: his little hands omg.

He ate this down. The boots, the gloves, the hat….THE VEST. He has his foot propped up like that because he’s a professional at stepping on these other felines’ necks. Garfield COULD NEVER. AND the “Howdy” smoke cloud that he blew HIMSELF come on now. HE’S HIM.

 Now I do have my feelings about this fit, he’s giving prim, he’s giving proper. I do wish we had some nice slacks to go with it but with the cape and the tie. Not to mention the bow, come one and he’s conducting an orchestra. Like his talent is limitless.



 I may not agree with his bloodlust for Jerry but I understand that he was just doing his job. I mean Jerry was actively making his life harder, but you also can’t be mad at Jerry because he was just trying to survive. 

 

 

My top 5 SNL cast members in no specific order.

 1. Molly Shannon 

Molly Shannon was a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1995 to 2001.  Most notable for sketches including her characters Mary Katherine Gallagher and Sally O’ Malley. I enjoy a vast variety of different movies and shows she’s done as well as her Memoir, “Hello Molly!” a gorgeous read I highly recommend. 

some of my favorite sketches she was in: 

  1. Black Angel Mary Katherine Gallagher 
  2.  The Courtney Love Show
  3. Mary Katherine Gallagher at TGI Fridays 

 2. Kate Mckinnon

Kate Mckinnon was an SNL cast member 2012-2022. Most notable for Close Encounter sketches and her impressions of different politicians. I enjoy her sketches as well as a handful of movies she’s been in. 

Some of my favorite sketches: 

  1.  Weekend Update: Ruth Bader Ginsburg (multiple)
  2.  Charlie’s Grandparents 
  3.  Diner Lobster

3. Cecily Strong

Cecily Strong was a cast member from 2012 to 2022. Most notable for her weekend update segments and her impressions of different politicians. 

Some of my favorite sketches: 

  1.  Girlfriend’s game night. 
  2.  80’s Music Video
  3. Mcdonald’s Firing

4. Kenan Thompson

 

Kenan Thompson has been in an array of shows and movies, including one named after him. He’s been an SNL Cast member since 2003. I have enjoyed a vast amount of his discography. 

Some of my favorite sketches: 

  1.  The Muppet Show 
  2.  Ladies Room
  3. Spooky Song

5. Ana Gasteyer

 

Ana Gasteyer has been in a variety of different movies one of which being Mean Girls, which was created by Tina Fey another SNL cast member. She’s also well known for impressions, most popular being Hillary Clinton. 

Some of my favorite sketches: 

  1.  The Rocky Roads: Educational Performance
  2.  The Culps
  3.  Texaco Ad

Some of my favorite so random sketches. In no specific order.

 

So random was like the daughter show of another show titled, “Sonny with a Chance”.  I frequently compare so random to if there was a Saturday night Live geared specifically to teens. The show consisted of multiple sketches preformed in front of a live audience often combined with musical guests and performances. The show ran for about a year 2011-2012. It was and still is one of my favorite Disney shows and a comfort show for me. 

 

#1: The Real Princesses of New Jersey 

I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory, it was meant to be a parody of the Real Housewives which makes it funnier looking back but when I was little, I just thought it was really silly. 

#2: Rufus: At the Movies(You’re not gonna believe this) 

This was the sequel to another sketch, so seeing the teachers on a date after previous tension was kind of satisfying. I also just find the premise of a kid full of ridiculous excuses that are actually true, and no one believes him until the end very funny.

#3: The I’m Gonna Marry Zack Feldman Show!!

Basically, a delusion girl convinced she’s going to marry her middle school crush. It was just very funny, her hype around this whole date for it only to have been a 2-minute conversation that ended in her puking. 

#4: Bedazzle-zit 

This one is a parody of commercial for a machine that bedazzles your acne, to hide it. Something about the corny over the top acting and how violent the machine is that makes this especially funny.

#5: Janice’s Backup Singers 

This sketch follows an unpopular girl whose mom hired back dancers to follow her around school to make her more popular, and craziness ensues. I like this one because the random British accents one of the male students adopts randomly and the songs the backup dancers sing are so catchy. 

#6: M.C Grammar 

In this sketch two men are in the middle of a rap battle to which they are interrupted by M.C Grammar who proceeds to correct and educate them are the parts of speech. This one is in song form, and to be completely honest it’s just catchy. Especially the chorus which, “Cause if you wanna graduate you gotta know how to conjugate// And if you wanna find a mate you gotta know how to puncuate.”

#7: Braggy Benson 

This sketch follows a boy who appears to be trying make friends, they seem getting along until Benson begins to “flex” but the things he’s bragging about are objectively negative, such as getting rejected by a popular girl and failing a test, he does this repeatedly till he scares them away. After which he calls his mom to brag about scaring away two potential friends to which she responds with glee and informs him cheerfully how she burned a whole tray of cookies. 

#8: Zombie man 

I love how extremely morbid this one especially for Disney. This one follows a boy a zombie in a school full of humans, and one of his friends comes up to him and finds out that he ate his prom date. Once he proves to be upset Zombie man tries to smooth it over by offering to eat some other girl’s date so he can have one as all the other girls in the school had a date. He does this and successfully scores his friend a date with a girl who’s sobbing that her boyfriend died.

#9: Lunch Lady Secrets 

 

This one starts with two kids watching a commercial about microwaveable meals that replicate school lunches for kids who miss them during summer break, the two kids laugh and say how much they don’t miss school and attempt to turn the channel then the people from the commercial appear in their home and continue to talk to the camera as if the commercial is still rolling. While the children freak out and attempt to call the police they continue to film with no care. This one is just silly. 

#10: Sally Jensen: Kid Lawyer 

 

This one is about a lawyer who’s a kid reprimanding people for lying in yearbooks. This one is just absurd funny; she makes a guy do community service because he told a girl to have a great summer and then her dog died.

 

Favorite Character archetypes: The Good guy gone bad gone good again.

It’s been a while since I have written a Buffy blog, mainly because they feed way too much into the fandom culture girly within me but like many things she can’t be kept at bay for too long. Prepare for this to be lengthy one. 

First, I want to define this archetype the way that I am using it. It basically is the name. We’re introduced to a character who is good, usually also shy in some way (in my case) and we get see their downfall along with their redemption.

A prime example of this character for me is Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

Earlier seasons

Also: Spoilers!!(duh)

TW: Substance abuse mention and allusion and Death.

When we are introduced to Willow, she’s the stereotypical goody two-shoes nerdy and straightlaced. We get to see Willow hop out of that box and shed that label as the story progresses especially with the help of witchcraft. After her first venture into it she quickly became enamored and grew her skill level ultimately becoming a power comparable to Giles, Buffy’s mentor who has a decades long experience in “magics” as they call it. 

Magic might have shaped Willow’s confidence, but it also molded her downfall. We soon see Willow’s relationship with the act become very unhealthy. I can’t pinpoint the first example of this, but I think a very apparent one is when Willow brought Buffy back from the dead, and her argument with Giles in which she disregards his concern for her and exclaims that he shouldn’t “piss her off” since she’s becoming more powerful. I consider Buffy’s death/reincarnation a catalyst for the beginning of Willows downfall. As once it was revealed that Willow ripped Buffy out of Heaven instead of saving her from the fiery pits strife was seen in Willow and Tara’s relationship. This was after Willow put a spell on Tara that would make her forget an argument they had recently. Which is a soft spot for Tara who had her mind invaded by Glory during her reign of her terror. ] Tara brings up her concern about Willow using magic for the wrong reasons. Willow later proves this by unnecessarily using magic causing an argument between the two. Willow then attempts to erase Tara’s memory of it which ends up affecting the whole gang putting them in grave danger when faced with monsters they don’t remember existing or how to defeat. This ended up causing their breakup (which was tear jerking might I add.)

If you couldn’t tell with this storyline Joss Whedon was creating an allegory between Willow’s magic addiction to the very real issue of substance abuse. Something that could truly be its own blog post, I greatly admire the way he went about talking about this real-life issue amongst this fantastical world.

After the breakup Willow continues her abuse of magic only being detoured from continuing it when her need for a fix almost gets her and Dawn  killed, something that heavily angers Buffy who reluctantly decides to help Willow after almost giving up on her. After this Willow manages to stay away from doing magic after this. Her ability to stay clean also leads to her rekindling her relationship with Tara. Something that doesn’t last long as the next episode Tara gets killed by Warren who was attempting to kill Buffy.

This causes Willow to completely snap and allow herself to not only use magic again but to allow it to overtake her, turning her into “Dark Willow” who is revered as one of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s big bads despite having relatively short reign. 

 

Once she allowed herself to become one with the magics, she first sought after Warren, Tara’s killer tormenting him and ultimately killing him and when discovered by Buffy, Anya, and Xander whispers the phrase “one down” signaling that she was now targeting the two other members of the trio Warren was a part of, Johnathan and Andrew. She was ultimately stopped from doing so by Buffy who distracted her by fighting till her battle with Giles in which she drained him of his power which prompted her to attempt to end the world. Ultimately stopped by Xander who proclaimed her forever love(platonic) to Willow no matter how evil she is. A scene beautifully acted by Alyson Hannigan and Nicholas Brendon.

Willow’s redemption ark was also beautifully done. I think it’s important to note that I was personally rooting for Willow the whole way through and wasn’t too mad when she killed Warren, I was more upset of her disrespect of Dawn and Giles while deep in grief. I do enjoy how they presented Willow as remorseful for her actions because of the way it’s really indictive of her overall character and plays into her humanity which is one of the main reasons she’s so beloved by the audience in my opinion. 

After the whole apocalyptic debacle Willow goes away on some kind of retreat with Gile to learn and control her magic in England. Once she returns, she accidentally makes herself invisible, her fear of having to face them again manifested itself into a spell which I think is a cool way to remind the audience how tied to magic Willow is. Willow kind avoid magic throughout season until ultimately realizing that her magic would be needed to save the world (it does). 

Willow is really faced with the guilt of her actions in season 7 episode 13 “The Killer in Me”. In this episode Willow is seen seemingly moving on and exploring her feelings for one of the potential slayers Kennedy, once her and Kennedy kiss Willow is transformed into Warren. I think this was beautiful way to not only have Willow be faced with guilt of killing Warren but also the guilt of moving on from Tara. The way the episode itself is also beautifully shot; Joss Whedon made the creative choice to not just have Warren’s actor play Willow but also Alyson Hannigan routinely shifting between the two actors throughout the episode. This episode ends with Willow almost shooting Kennedy the same place Warren shot Buffy, which also resulted in Tara’s death this prompts a heartfelt monologue about her and Tara’s love and apologizing to her after this monologue Kennedy kisses Willow and after pulling away, she no longer appears to be Warren. I have the urge to sit here and dissect the monologue but for the sack of brevity that may be another blog. This by far is one of the best Buffy episodes and probably my favorite.

Willows entire character ark is my second favorite of the show. To watch her gain confidence and then lose it all and have to truly gain it within herself and not due to something/someone else was beautiful to watch.

Note: I also left out the controversy in Tara’s death because I intend to write another blog about it someday. 

 

 

Steven Segal is an enigma…

Steven Segal was action movie star who was huge in like the 90’s but he’s also done a lot off peculiar things outside of that. It’s actually one of my favorite things to tell people about. I want to preface that I learned these things from a YouTube video by channel called more butter, the video’s title is “Kennie JD and Mista GG explore the controversial life of Steven Segal.” A couple of these things are alleged and yeah, I’m going to be listing them in no particular order. 

#1. Just Lie…and I mean Lie. 

Before he was even an actor he went to Japan which is actual true. But he tells people he worked with Shah of Iran and the founder of Akido (a form of martial arts) who was likely dead before Steven even got to Japan and the CIA…it is said he allegedly tells people this to seem cool. 

#2. ALLEGEDLY married a woman to escape the draft moved back to Japan and then abandoned her and his children to move back to the US and married another woman and proceeded to have a girlfriend in Japan. 

Basically, he came back to the US and then married a woman moved back to Japan with her, they were together for ten years and had kids he abandoned them moved back to the States and got married here then after getting annulled from second wife moved back to Japan got a girlfriend there and that’s when his first wife divorced him. 

#3. ALLEDGELY had his career funded by the mob (I’m not even kidding). 

I can’t even explain this one, the mob was allegedly paying off people to give Segal a better chance to be casted in movies.

#4. ALLEDGELY placing a bounty on a guy’s head cause he was upset. 

This man is a liar…that’s it. He basically would lie about his life to make it seem cooler than it was this included taking stories from other people and making them his own. So, he lied and said he was a Navy Seal, then one day he ended up on open water with some of them and freaked out. Then, one of the Navy Seals were making fun of him for it and essentially said he was useless on a boat, and this made Segal so upset that he tried to put a hit out on the guy for 50K.

#5. Allegedly actually beating up Stunt guys. 

When you’re an actor and have fight scenes they have professionals who perform the stunts. And when you do fight scenes, they have coordinators who set everything up and prevent people from getting hurt. Essentially, you’re not actually supposed to fight people, but Segal would actually just wail on stunt guys.

#6. Get Banned from Saturday night live.

He wasn’t willing to take up other sketch ideas and his own ideas were very disturbing.  I actually am uncomfortable even naming them they’re so odd.

#7. Accused of Sexual Misconduct (quoted by the Washington post as “too many instances to count”) 

#8. Become a Buddhist Lama (tulku) 

Man… I don’t even know… people claim that he bribed the elders to get the title. This isn’t even alleged this is just true. 

#9. Told people that he had secretly been a cop for twenty years in Louisianna (while he was a movie star). 

THEY GAVE HIM A REALITY SHOW BECAUSE OF THIS CLAIM. Me personally I don’t believe a word.

#10. He drove A TANK into someone’s home while being an illegally hired a cop in Arizona. 

He was trying to break up an illegal cock-fighting ring, funnily enough he killed most of the chickens in the process. “Allegedly” but there’s literally pictures. It is also said he killed a puppy by doing this as well. 

#11. Be friends with Vladimeer Putin and a literal dictator.

Bro I don’t know…

My Commentary on K-12: the Continuation of Crybaby’s Story.

It is a common belief that each song represents a grade so I’m going to be going off that belief and also talking about the movie because its visuals are paired with the songs but not delving too deep into it’s plot. 

*Favorite Lyrics from each song at the end :>*

First song: Wheels on the bus (Kindergarten)

During this song Crybaby is on the bus heading to school. She’s essentially describing the scenery of the bus and just what’s around her. The visuals show how annoying her classmates are, we also witness some of her classmates bully her for her gap. We see this boy Crybaby seems to have a crush on pass her to sit next to Kelly, Crybaby’s main bully. We also witness Crybaby and her friend use their powers (which are signified by black eyes which were alluded to in Crybaby, the first album) to play pranks on their annoying classmates and eventually save the bus from drowning when a distracted bus driver drives it into a lake.

 

Second Song: Class fight (First Grade)

In this song Crybaby and Kelly get into a fight, which is encouraged by both Crybaby’s parents. Nothing too much to say here…The fight is caused by jealousy over the boy previously mentioned and during this fight Crybaby uses her powers to nearly strangle Kelly until broken up by a teacher. In the visuals predating this song provided by the movie we see guards from the school drag a black boy away for not standing for the pledge of allegiance. 

Third Song: The Principal (Second Grade) 

In this song Crybaby expresses disdain for their principal after she learns that the school has been doping the kids up with pills to make them obedient. The viewers also get to see the displeasure of him firing a teacher because of their gender identity. We see a couple of students perform a dance to this song with the song in front of what I can assume is the school board. 

The performance in front of the school board

 

Fourth Song: Show and Tell (Third Grade) 

In this song Crybaby appears to be a puppet and she’s made to preform for the entertainment of her classmates during Show and Tell. The message of this song as I interpreted it is Melanie talking about fame and feeling like more of a prop under everyone’s eyes. The visual constantly switches between the actual Crybaby and a doll that resembles her and ends with the doll falling out bleeding and the class grimacing at the sight before refocusing their attention to something else.

Fifth Song: Nurses Office (Fourth Grade) 

In this song Crybaby visits the nurse’s office, the lyrics suggest that Crybaby only does this to get out of class and hopefully go home. As far as visuals all we see is the nurse’s interesting ideas of treatment. The lyrics do entail more about her negative feeling towards class specifically being picked on and having a rude teacher. 

Sixth Song: Drama Club (Fifth Grade) 

In this song Crybaby gets into an argument with a guy in her class who appears to be misogynistic, talking down about women. To which she defends them and is taken away by guards similar to the ones who took away the black boy. I’ve spoken about the song itself before. Its lyrics doesn’t criticize the topics our society seems to be sensitive about themself but judges the criticism. Putting the feelings around in question. The visual for this song ends with Crybaby somehow snapping her classmates out of the trance being at the school has put them in during what looks like a school play, after they are freed, they all run to find the principal then rip him to pieces (literally they disembody him).

Seventh Song: Strawberry Shortcake (Sixth Grade)

Before this song begins, we see Crybaby and her friends having a conversation about what is usually deemed as female anatomy. The songs meaning is very apparent it’s a conversation on the culture of sexual assault and how the blame is very rarely placed on the perpetrator and instead put on the victim. It also mentions how young boys are excused for predatory behavior and how in response to said behavior young girls are just told to cover up. Also, certain lyrics speak about young girls compare their bodies to others. 

Eighth Song: Lunchbox Friends (Seventh Grade) 

Before this song begins one of Crybaby’s friends gets her first period and they struggle with finding a tampon. I interpret this song to be about the struggle to find loyalty within friends. I think it could also be relevant to Melanie (the woman who created and plays Crybaby) about how fame can make it complicated to form genuine relationships. I also think it could be about how most friends you make in school specifically so young won’t last forever or even till the end of the year, I get this from the lyric, “We can be friends if you wanna be but only till the clock hits three.” The visual for this song involves Crybaby being invited to sit with the popular girls (some of which bullied her, I’m looking at you Kelly) but turns them down for her real friends and ends up meeting another girl who like Crybaby and her other two friends, has powers.

Crybaby with the popular girls, you can see her real friends faintly in the back.

 

Ninth Song: Orange Juice (Eighth Grade) TW: eating disorders.  

In this song we see one of the popular girls is clearly different from the rest is struggling with an eating disorder. The visual for this song provides very vivid imagery of her eating disorder. The song is essentially telling her how perfect she is. We also learn that this girl also has powers and becomes a part of Crybaby’s friend group.

Tenth Song: Detention (Ninth Grade) 

In this song talks about faking your emotions to save face. And referencing this as being a sort of purgatory, detention. It mentions not actually being important to those over you and just being used for profit. The song references these people as teachers but for Melanie we can assume this means managers and people in charge of record labels. The visuals of this song also show the extent to which the school dopes these kids up, injecting them with syringes and binding them to their desks. We’re also introduced to this new character who is the principal’s son and frees Crybaby while seeming to be under some trance, possibly by Crybaby but we’re shown her eyes switching from black to normal signaling that she’s struggling to use her powers. We also get a visual of Crybaby dancing in a glass enclosure which she escapes from by the end and seems to be about to seek revenge on the kids she was made to dance for before the song ends. We also see a kid who was previously seen looking at Crybaby slide a note in her locker, becoming her secret admirer.

Eleventh Song: Teacher’s Pet (Tenth Grade) TW: Grooming

In this song Crybaby’s closest friend, the one whose been with her since the first song is being groomed by a teacher. The lyrics themselves describe a relationship between teacher and student, it is sung from a third person perspective at the beginning but then switches to the perspective of the student presumably heartbroken at the teacher not putting her first. It mentions the teacher having a wife and kids. They display the student’s disdain for being a secret and her justification for the relationship itself. And then being very upset when the teacher attempts to end the relationship. The visuals just show flirting between the two, still very disturbing to watch. Until the teacher shrinks her and attempts to dissect her until Crybaby comes in and saves her. We then see the student get revenge on the teacher; she kills him.

Twelfth Song: Highschool Sweethearts (Eleventh Grade)

This song talks about expectations when it comes to love and relationships. These expectations being to be accepted for yourself and not have your heartbroken. After this song we see her secret admirer attempting to work up the urge to ask her to the dance before being interrupted by the principals’ son) who asks her instead and takes credit for writing the note. She says yest to him.

Thirteenth Song; Recess (Twelfth Grade)  

Before the song plays we see that the dance is trap set up by Leo (principal’s son) as revenge for killing his father). The song itself seems to be recounting the past which I think fits for the last year of high school and about not letting people exploit you or kill your spirit. And also about having everything you want and still not being happy. Crybaby manages to save the school and learns the true identity of her secret admirer, Ben who also has powers. The movie ends with a door opening for the girls which seems to hold all they’ve ever wanted, and Crybaby is faced with a choice between that or perusing a relationship with a Ben. The movie ends before she gets to make this choice.

note: The door is opened by Lillith a goddess who saved the girls from the nurses in nurses office and has been guiding them. She appears after rejecting them before telling them of their purpose at the school and that soon things will be better. Lillith is also an empath which is interesting to me given not only Crybaby’s name but also her sensitivity. 

-Favorite Lyrics from each song: 

Wheels on the Bus: “I know the drivers sees it. I know he’s peekin.”

Class Fight: “Teacher broke us up after I broke her. And my one true love called me a monster.”

Principal: “Shooting at the angels while claiming you’re a good guy.”

Show and Tell: “I’m just like you, you’re like me. Imperfect and human are we.

Nurse’s Office: “I’m pale as the loose-leaf paper they grow.” (bar) 

Drama Club: “You’re faking all your pain yet you’re bleeding on a stage.” 

Strawberry Shortcake: “Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake. That’s my bad, that’s my bad, no one taught them not the grab.”

Lunchbox Friends: “We can be friends if you wanna be. But only till the clock hits three.” 

Orange Juice: “Your body is perfectly imperfect.” 

Detention: “You’re too busy seeking selfish wishes, look at how I’m feeling.”

Teacher’s Pet: “If I’m so special, why am I a secret.”

High School Sweethearts: “If you can’t handle a heart like mine, don’t waste your time with me.” 

Recess: “People gonna try. To tell you that you’re fine with dollars in their eyes.”

My Commentary on Crybaby.

In this blog I want to talk about Melanie Martinez’s album “Crybaby” one of my favorite albums. The album follows a child/teen named Crybaby and each song follows her story/gives input about her life. 

Also note I am going to be talking about the music videos as well because they include details you can’t really get from listening to the songs. And I’m not going to be covering the three songs that are added on the deluxe edition: Play Date, Teddy Bear, and Cake. 

*I also put my favorite lyrics of each song at the end of the blog post :3*

First song: Crybaby 

The music video starts with the birth of Crybaby, in which her mother is heavily upset with her crying (she was literally just born but ok I guess) and exclaims “Oh God she’s a Crybaby” in annoyance, she also soon lights a cigarette in the hospital room. We also see her holding a wine bottle while attempting to feed Crybaby. In this song we get details about Crybaby specifically her sensitivity, one line entailing “You seem to replace your brain with your heart you take things to hard and then you fall apart.” We also get that she has trouble making friends. 

 

Second Song: Dollhouse TW: Drug use, infidelity and alcoholism. 

In this song we get a glimpse into her family life. This song to me specifically discusses the picture of a perfect family they attempt to fake while being incredibly dysfunctional. In this song we learn that Crybaby’s mother is an alcoholic, her father is unfaithful, and her brother is a frequent cannabis smoker. Also, a repeated lyric in this song is “Don’t let them see what goes on in the kitchen” a lyric we learn more about in the next song. 

Third song: Sippy Cup. TW: Literal murder.

In this song we focus on Crybaby’s mother and father. We see her mother sitting in the kitchen drinking late at night, we follow her mother through this downward spiral, we also see glimpses of crybaby with angel wings which is important for a theory many people have. But sooner or later we find out that the mother’s spiral is caused by the father not being home and when he does a arrive home, he has a woman with her (presumably his mistress) and when her mother sees them, she stabs them to death (in the kitchen) and after covering their bodies with a tarp. Crybaby soon comes in and sees their bodies her mother then appears behind her putting a rag over her mouth appearing to have chloroform or something on it to knock her out. Crybaby then awakes to being tied to her bed and her mother comes into frame with a sippy cup (presumably filled with alcohol) forcing Crybaby to drink it and the video ends. A lot of people believe that by feeding Crybaby the alcohol her mother is “killing her innocence.” and that Crybaby with wings represents her dead innocence. 

 

Fourth song: Carousel 

This song is Crybaby’s first venture into love, I believe this is more of a overall crush than a relationship. I don’t consider this to hold much important story. In the song she describes feeling so far away and just longing to get closer to this boy and mentions her heart being stolen. The carousel is mentioned multiple times, her being stuck on it and even referenced in the line “This horse is too slow we’re always this close.” Furthering the point that she wants to get close to this boy. In the music video also shows her repeatedly trying to catch her crush. 

 

Fifth Song: Alphabet Boy

In this song Crybaby is clearly angry and dissing someone a boy. It’s not clear who the boy is in question, but a lot of people consider it safe to assume that Alphabet boy is the same boy from Carousel. In this song Crybaby is calling “Alphabet boy” out on being self-righteous and full of himself and intern viewing her as beneath him. This is clear in “You think you’re smarter than me with all your bad poetry.”

Little Sidenote: This songs use of literation is amazing and so clever. 

Examples:

Always Aiming paper Airplanes At me. 

Building me up like Building Blocks just so you can Bring me down. 

You Can Crush my Candy Canes but you’ll never Catch me Cry. 

And with each new verse that same alliteration starts over in Alphabetical order. 

Sixth Song: Soap 

In this song Crybaby talks about a new boy she has a crush on and being afraid to say the wrong thing around him. And multiple times referencing washing her mouth out with soap in order to not reveal her feelings for him. At the end we see them kiss and we can assume she has revealed her feelings for him. 

 

Seventh Song: Training Wheels. 

This music video follows Johnny (the boy from soap) and Crybaby. We first see Crybaby pulling away from Johnny and then she slowly gets closer to him. Eventually teaching him to ride a bike successfully (without training wheels) once riding own his own we see him ride towards Crybaby who is awaiting a kiss but once he is right in front of her he disappears. The song itself seems to explore the idea of vulnerability within love and by taking off her training wheels Crybaby is fully diving into the risk of getting hurt to love unconditionally. 

Eight Song: Pity Party

In this song and music video Crybaby throws some sort of party in which no one shows up. Throughout the video we see Crybaby attempting to keep her composure until towards the end she ultimately breaks at the end destroying the party and the house. Like many songs towards the end, I didn’t really consider this song to have an overarching meaning it was just great storytelling and pushed the plot forward. I do think the incorporation of the scream into the song itself and not just having it in the video is great.  

Ninth Song: Tag, You’re it. TW: kidnapping 

In the beginning of this music video, we see Crybaby tossing away what seems like party decorations (a sort of callback to pity party). As the video progresses, we see Crybaby being followed by an ice-cream truck that had a wolf (a reference to the big bad wolf). He follows her to a grocery store where a woman with black eyes (possibly foreshadowing to the powers in K-12) hands Crybaby a vile of liquid. When Crybaby goes outside the ice-cream truck is offering free samples once she tries one it knocks her unconscious and the wolf throws her into the back of his truck. I consider this song and the next to not have any overarching meaning, I also want to say that doesn’t mean I think these songs are bad or less than the ones with strong meaning I just think these songs serve more of a storytelling purpose than to spread any specific message. 

note about the song: the way it plays with pitch and tone on certain lyrics as a sort of clue that it’s the wolf speaking is a great choice. As it not only still paints a story for people not watching the video but also clues us in on the wolf’s intentions. Example of one of these lyrics include: “I’ll cut you up and make you dinner-You’ve reached the end you are the winner.”

Tenth Song: Milk and Cookies TW: Murder again, but he’s the bad guy so it was cool.

This song follows Crybaby after she had been kidnapped. We see that she is kept in this room with a camera that allows the wolf to watch her from a separate room where there’s a phone next to the chair, he has in front of the television. Crybaby decides to make cookies the wolf watches her until the phone rings while he is distracted, she empties the vile of liquid the woman gave her into the batter. Once he is done on the phone he goes into the room with Crybaby where she offers him a cookie which he takes ultimately killing him and allowing her to escape. 

Eleventh Song: Pacify Her

In this song we dive back into Crybaby’s love life. The song follows her as she feigns for this boy’s attention even though he has a girlfriend (I believe they have some type of relationship because of the line “Now I can take her man”). In the song Crybaby is essentially trying to get “blue boy”(it’s what he’s called and he’s literally blue so…yeah) to pick her and stop paying attention to the other girl. The music video follows the same sentiment of her trying to impress which works and they almost kiss until the other girl stands up and flashes (yes flashes, also given the baby theme and the fact they’re in a literal crib this was kind of shocking, and a little icky). But after blue boy gets flashed, he picks the other girl disregarding the connection him and Crybaby had.

The blonde girl is the girl competing with Crybaby not Crybaby herself. Melanie Just played both roles.

Twelfth Song: Mrs. Potato Head TW: talk of body image issues. Music video also shows gruesome footage replicating plastic surgery (it’s not real but still).

This song is very obviously about body image and insecurity as well as touching on plastic surgery, this is clearer in the music video if you don’t pick up on the lyrics. The music starts with Crybaby sitting in front of the television eating cookies and playing with her dolls when a random commercial about blonde wigs (the girl who blue boy chose was blonde) and diet pills. Crybaby stops eating and walks to the bathroom where she puts on a blonde wig and lipstick as well as takes a whole container of diet pills and stuffs her bra full of tissue. She then goes back to the television where a different program begins to play. The program follows a man and a woman in a relationship, the woman is opening up gifts from the man one is a necklace and the next is a coupon/ad for plastic surgery. After some urging, she agrees to under the knife (which we see in gory detail, and I mean detail). After wards she takes off the bandages and it appears she has been botched, the man is visibly (it’s your fault bro but go off I guess).  In an attempt to feel beautiful again she cakes her face with makeup, and he gives her a blonde wig (BRO MOVE) after she’s all dolled up, she looks out of the window and sees him giving another young woman flowers clearly flirting with her then program ends. We see Crybaby clearly in shock taking off the wig and taking the tissues out of her bra. This song’s meaning isn’t very hard to interpret it is about how society values looks and how the societal standard for beauty impacts young girls. I love the music videos way of portraying this instead of just shunning plastic surgery overall she shames the idea of changing your appearance for anyone other than yourself.  

Thirteenth Song: Mad Hatter TW: I lot of mental health mention: specifically, the use of the word crazy and mentions of a psychiatrist. There’s also a scene where she rips her skin off and it’s a lyric in the song. 

There’s also a part where she takes a bite out of a live donut, and it was just kind of gross. 

This song has an Alice and Wonderland type vibe. It’s basically just Crybaby embracing her madness. I will talk very briefly about the music video. In the beginning Crybaby is laying on a bad smoking she then proceeds to take a pink liquid and drinks it. This obviously makes her disorientated before she fully passes out, we see two women with black eyes standing over her. After she fully falls into sleep, we follow her dream(?) this is where the Alice and Wonderland feel comes into play. There’s moving food, oversized stuffed animals the whole nine. When Crybaby wakes up, we see that she now also has black eyes then the music video ends. The black eyes again foreshadowing the powers in K-12. 

 

P.S: Sippy Cup’s has also been said to include allegories to eating disorders, but I didn’t go into those, so be weary before you listen. 

Favorite lyrics from each song: 

Crybaby: “Your hearts too big for your body that’s why it won’t fit inside”

Dollhouse: “Everyone thinks that we’re perfect please don’t let them look through the curtains”

Sippy Cup: “All the makeup in the world won’t make you less insecure”

Carousel: “Right, right when I’m near it’s like you disappear. Where’d you go Mr. Houdini, you’re a freakshow.” 

Alphabet Boy: “But you’re not my daddy and I’m not your dolly, and your dictionary’s destroyed”

Soap: “Should’ve never said the word “love”. Threw a toaster in the bathtub.” 

Training Wheels: “You’ve been riding two-wheelers all your life. It’s not like I’m asking to be your wife.”

Pity Party: “Maybe if I knew all of them well. I wouldn’t have been trapped inside this hell that holds me.” 

Tag you’re it: “Eenie, meeine, miny, mo. Catch a lady by her toes. If she screams don’t let her go”

Milk and Cookies: “Sing you a lullaby where you die at the end.”

Pacify Her: “You don’t love her. Stop lying with those words.”

Mrs. Potato Head: “It’s such a waste. When little girls grow into their mother’s face. But little girls are learning how to cut and paste. And pucker out their lips until they suffocate ha-ha.”

Mad Hatter: “Where is my prescription? Doctor, doctor, please, listen. My brain is scattered. You can be Alice; I’ll be the Mad Hatter.”

 

 

Finding 5 random songs and explaining them plus my feelings of them

I want to start this blog off by saying that this is not my original idea I stole this from Chanel (with their permission). 

1. Appletree- Erykah Badu 

 

I interpret this song to be about the Badu’s creativity and her uniqueness and how she’s not ashamed of it. She also mentions her “pickiness” in terms of her friends. 

I really like this song because of how unabashedly proud of her differences. 

Favorite lyrics: “I work at pleasing me cause I can’t please you.” 

 

2. Ready, Set, Don’t Go-Billy Ray Cyrus

 

I first heard this song in an episode of Hannah Montana. Billy plays this song accompanied by a slideshow of baby pictures for Miley in an attempt of explaining his hesitation about her taking a flight by herself for the first time before he gives her permission to go. 

This song made me cry the first time I heard it and almost every time since. It really just tugs on the heartstrings the love for his daughter just gets me. There’s really nothing else to say besides it’s such a heartfelt beautiful song.

Favorite lyric: “She said things are fallin’ in place. Feels like they’re fallin apart.” 

 

3. Take a Break.-Phillipa Soo, Anthony Ramos, Lin Manuel Miranda and Renee Elise Goldsberry from the Hamilton Musical. 

This song in summary entails Eliza and Angelica begging Alexander to go on vacation with them and taking a break from work. But we also get glimpses of the underlying feelings between Angelica and Alexander. 

I like this song not only because it beautiful sung but also beautifully written and I feel like it pushes the story and sets the story up for the next song. 

Favorite Lyric: “One stroke and you’ve consumed my waking days.” 

 

4.  Drama Club- Melanie Martinez. 

In this song Melanie (Well her character Crybaby) expresses distain for the behavior of assumingly her classmates and teachers and the facade they paint about themselves. I interpret the meaning of the song outside of the album/movie to be about the current state of our society and it’s sensitivity around certain issues.

I enjoy this song and the way Melanie is going about talking about the issues I believe the song is about instead of making the topic the sensitivity around the subject of ridicule she puts the sensitivity it’s self in question. 

Favorite Lyric: “You’re faking all your pain yet you’re bleeding on a stage.”

 

5. Old Ways-Demi Lovato

I interpret this song to be Demi Lovato discussing her history of substance abuse and disavowing the accusations that she’d someday go back to it/relapse. 

I love this song though it hasn’t exactly aged well I still think of it as almost an anthem for anybody who’s struggled with an addiction of some sort. 

Favorite Lyric: “Black into gold, who knew it’d be so bright without the blindfold.” 

 

Underrated Nickelodeon and Disney Music careers.

I have a lot of opinions about the music careers of certain artists that Disney/nick kind fostered and I’m just going to be sharing some in no specific order. 

1. Miranda Cosgrove. 

You might know Miranda from her role as Carly Shay on “ICarly” or Meghan Parker from Drake and Josh. I don’t think many people talk about her music, which I think is really good.

Top three songs: 

  1. Shakespeare (she actually sung this song in an episode of ICarly, literally obsessed with it when I was little and now)
  2. Dancing Crazy (this song gives my heavy Cher Lloyd circa 2011 vibes) 
  3. Leave it All to Me (the ICarly theme song, still know it word for word)

Quick Honorable Mention: Leave it All to Shine (a sort of theme song mashup from the ICarly-Victorious crossover episode, So good) 

 

2. Mitchel Musso

Mitchel is most known (at least Disney-wise I can say because I personally didn’t keep up with career past Disney) his role as Oliver Oken on Hannah Montana, King Brady on Pair of Kings, and even voicing Jeremy Johnson on Phineas and Ferb. I personally think his music should’ve made him one of Disney’s it-boys. It could’ve made him the Austin Moon/Ross Lynch of his time on Disney.

Top Three Songs: 

  1. Let’s Make This Last 4Ever (a song he performed in an episode of Hannah Montana that’s on the third Hannah Montana Album)
  2. Us Against the World (I don’t know the girl he had featured on this song but she sounds very familiar)
  3. Shout it (just good)

Quick Honorable Mention: Welcome to Hollywood (this song is featured in StarStruck which is one of my least favorite Disney movie but this song is very good).

3.Jennette McCurdy

Jennette is most known for her role as Sam Puckett on ICarly and Sam and Cat (a show that is very hated, but I love it so much!!!). I think most people don’t recognize she actually has a really nice voice especially in the country genre. 

Top Three Songs: 

  1. So Close (this song is unreasonably good, I literally am obsessed) 
  2. Generation Love (the way this song makes me feel should be illegal, I can’t explain the feeling in my chest this song causes)
  3. Put Your Arms Around Someone

Quick Honorable Mention: Stronger

3. Emily Osment 

Most people know Emily from her role as Miley’s best friend Lily Truscott on Hannah Montana. I personally think she could’ve had an Ashley Tisdale-Esque music career. Side note: Ashley Tisdale has some phenomenal songs. 

Top Three Songs: 

  1. Let’s Be Friends (this song went semi-viral on TikTok but it came out in 2010) 
  2. Lovesick (I need to eat this song, I can’t physically explain how good it is) 
  3. All the Boys Want (I have dreams about how she says “someone to let them go”, I am obsessed) 

Quick Honorable Mention: You Get Me Through Something

4. Bridget Mendler 

Bridget is most known for her role as Teddy Duncan on Good Luck Charlie and Olivia in Lemonade Mouth. I think most people recognize that she has made music but never talk about how good it is.

Top Three Songs: 

  1. Hurricane (she literally mocked the accent of the girl her ex’s new girl, she slayed this(and I never use that word).) 
  2. Ready Or Not 
  3. Forgot to Laugh 

Quick Honorable Mention: Every single song she sang in Lemonade Mouth literally. One of Disney’s best soundtracks.

I’m not saying these artists deserve Hannah Montana style recognition, but some acknowledgement would be nice.