Peace in the Valley

This blog will be about my experience with realizing and getting over some things. I took the time to find Peace in the Valley.

In the midst of the all of the drama, the mess, the misunderstandings, the confusion, and the pain, I knew I had to get it together. The only way I was going to be able to do that was to accept some things for what they were. Nicki Minaj said something that inspired me and showed me “the light”. She said,” People will love you and support you, when it’s beneficial.” As I thought back on the times that I felt like I was done wrong, that is exactly what had happened. As long as I was there to help them, everything was fine. But, as soon as I needed them, they were gone. 

It is gonna hurt, really bad, but never give people the power to alter your lifestyle in any way, shape, form, or fashion. You have to find yourself and stay secure in who you are. Never let anyone make you wonder about yourself. Do not get me wrong, in every situation there is a lesson, whether it be good or bad. But, those lessons are meant for you to become stronger, not lose yourself. 

Sometimes it takes some mental, physical, and emotional healing. Mentally because when things happen to us, we tend to overthink the other person’s intentions or our response. So, we have to stay calm and come to terms that everything will be fine. Physically because it is not only a stress reliever, but a healthy way to let it all out. The movements and stretches of the body and limbs help a lot. Pushing yourself helps tremendously. And emotionally because at times, we find ourselves spiraling down when it comes to being stable enough to handle certain things. We have to make sure that we are not allowing anything or anyone to degrade our values, as people. 

Peace leads to rest. Rest leads to energy. Energy leads to hard work. Hard work leads to success. Success leads to happiness. Happiness leads to an everlasting feeling of relief. Don’t allow people, no matter who it is, to degrade you. You know what you want out of life. When you get it, you be proud of it. People will try and make you someone you are not. Allow yourself room to celebrate the accomplishments for yourself. 

 

This is NOT Michael, it’s Terrell.

Have you ever felt like your entire world was tumbling down? I feel like that a lot now. It is hard being this far away from home, with no one to call my own. I am used to having something or someone to depend on. Now, I am really depending on myself. A lot of people are quick to say, “Let me know if you need anything” or “I am always here, if you need me.” But, they do not really mean it. If they did, I would not be in the position I am in now. I am LOST, among many dangers. I am afraid of what will happen next. It is easy to say, lean on God. But, I do not need to lean. I need resting. I need time away from this place of disappointments. Do not get me wrong though, some of what is happening is my fault. I let some things get to me. I let myself, let go. Now that I am trying to fix all that I have broken about myself, I am lost and confused as to why I would let it go this far. I do not even know who I am anymore. I am taking my life back though. Slowly, yes. But please be assured that I am doing it. Mentally, I need rest. Emotionally, I need healing. Physically, I need building. With the help of absolutely no one, I will make it. I just do not know where to start. There is so much that I still have to do throughout this time. There is no time for me to sit around and cry. But, that is stressing me out. Think about it! Try figuring your ENTIRE life back out, while still having to go through a daily routine that does nothing but tear you down some more. Now, I am fixing what I had already done and then some. The craziest part about all of this, is that I am perfect at giving other people advice on how to fix things, but my life is in complete shambles. I am not crying out for help because I know that after this is all over, I will be stronger than ever before. But, what scares me, is the thought that there will be times in life harder than this. I need some reassurance, some hope, some love, some understanding, some SUPPORT. Support from someone who does not have to give it to me. Sometimes, the feeling that somebody cares, is enough. Unfortunately, I do not even have that.

More Than Just A Dream

Hello, welcome to another blog post from me. I wrote this fiction short story. Honest opinions, please….

Bryson dreamed of becoming a singer. He dreamt of one day starting a career that would branch into having the opportunity to perform in front of thousands of people. One day this dream miraculously came true.

Bryson was in his cousin’s recording studio singing Gravity by John Mayer, when the astounding Jermain Dupree walked in. The expression on Jermain’s face was a clear sign of amazement. He stopped Bryson and asked, “What’s your name and where you from?” “My name is Bryson and I am from Mississippi,” he answered. They began to converse about what it takes to make it in the game meaning performing music. The next morning, Bryson woke up in an exhilarating mood. He went straight to his cousin’s studio where he received a message from Jermain. The message read: “Wassup, it’s Jermain. After the conversation we had yesterday, I thought it would be good if you came to sing at my Christmas party. It’s going to be December 23rd at 7:00.” As soon as Bryson read the message, he responded: “I would love to. Thank you so much for this opportunity.”

At that moment, Bryson knew this was the opportunity he had been dreaming about. He took into consideration who would be there, what he was would be doing, and where it would be done. Bryson started planning the performance by choosing what he would sing. He felt he needed to pick a song that would showcase what his voice was capable of. So, he decided to sing “Silent Night”. Then, he had to find something to wear. He thought it was necessary to look his best, but also be comfortable. He decided to wear a black pant suit with a sparkling red necklace and handpiece. With the most important aspects of the show figured out, he practiced the song repeatedly until he had it down packed.

The morning of the performance, Bryson woke up determined to take care of his voice so that he could deliver to the best of his ability that evening. He fixed himself some hot chocolate to keep his vocal chords soothed. Then, the time came for him to prepare for the performance. He got dressed, warmed up, and was ready to take the stage. As Jermain introduced him, he started to become nervous. But, when he put the microphone to his mouth, and started to sing, all his nervousness went away. As Bryson finished the song, he felt great about what he had just done, and the audience incited his feeling about his performance. Bryson began exiting the stage, only to be met by Timberland at the end of the stairway. Timberland asked Bryson if he would be interested in signing for Mosley Music Group, Inc. There was no way Bryson could not turn down the opportunity, so he gladly accepted. In that moment, he realized that his dream was more than just a dream.

A Well Respected Artist (Short Story)

Terrell has always had big dreams of becoming a well-respected artist in the music industry. This dream began when he was only four years old. He and his mother Phylicia would travel along the highways as she would play music from artists such as: Musiq Soulchild, Jill Scott, Prince, and Anita Baker. But there was always this one pronounced voice that stuck out to him. It was Fantasia Barrino. Though Terrell was so young, he instantly fell in love with the vocalist. He had learned mostly everything about her. As he got older, he aspired to be more like her. Once he reached the age of seven, and fully understood the struggles she had endured to reach that level of success, he made the decision that he wanted to be a professional singer. He admired her and felt if she could make it, he could do the same.

So, he went to his music teacher and expressed to her his feelings about wanting to sing. Coincidently, there was a back to school event coming up and he, along with one of his classmates, sang. To his delight, everyone enjoyed his performance. From that day in 2009, he practiced singing every day. He hoped to make his vocal abilities the best he could. Terrell sang day in and day out, imagining himself on a stage performing in front of millions of people. But one day in 2013, he was a part of the school choir Mouth Pieces. Because he was one of the best altos, he was asked to sing along side some of his classmates at the black history program. Performance day came, and he did well again.

As Terrell got older, he began to encounter some things in life. At times, he felt as if there was no one to turn to, which essentially led to him writing his feelings down. The feelings turned into poetry which turned into songs. Not only did this stimulate his mind, but it provided him with an outlet to express himself emotionally. He even went so far as to sing some of his own works. He took music even more seriously now. Then his dream changed to become a professional singer and song-writer.

Now, Terrell has evolved into a well-rounded young man. There are still a few aspects of his life that need working out, but for the most part he is growing positively at a steady pace. He gets booked to sing at different venues and has composed a lot of musical and literary works. He works every day to become a better singer and writer. He has become an amazing artist and is on a journey to continue a long career as a well-respected artist.

An Old Feeling

There is a reason behind my isolation. I never sleep easy because I am afraid of the next broken friendship. Tears, falling like rain– because I see the broken promises running away, one by one.  A lot of people may not cherish the bonds that are established between them and others, but I do. I pay it much attention. When in all reality, it could be anyone of us to go at any moment and we will be stuck with that last negative thought. We live in a world where popularity over rules authenticity. Although I do not like this, I cannot be the only one to change it. But, what I can change is who I associate myself with. So, from this point on, my focus is thriving mentally, physically, and emotionally. I will no longer make time for the incapabilities of those who do not wish to not give up on our friendship when times get rough. I am not asking a lot of people when it comes to friendships because they are a give and take, just like a romantic relationship. With this new environment, comes new responsibilities. I refuse to surrender myself to negativity. I have to work harder in all aspects of my life. With that, I must have people on my side who are understanding of that and are willing to do the same. I want people around me who are all going for the same goal. That goal is to become better, at everything. I have allowed too many people to alter my mind, negatively, throughout the past couple of years. I have not been as vocal as I used to be about it, but those days are over.  I am ready to take on every challenge and implement God every step of the way. If you are in for the long run, ready, set, let’s go! If not, it was fun while it lasted. Thank you for your time and your lessons. May God forever bless you and your family.

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

It is dark, it is late. My heart cannot be replaced. My smile, it is fake. The clothes are a cover. A cover for a love that I cannot get over. I am hurt, mentally and emotionally. I will never shed a tear about it though. Because besides the hurt and the anger you’ve brought into my life, I still love you. Yes, I’m unhappy. But, I guess this will just make me tougher. But where do broken hearts go? I wish I knew.

I am about to lose control! Not just for me, but for you too. I do now want to be on a love high, but I do now want to live this low either. I just want to be…. HAPPY!

My days are sunny now, but I know I will not be feeling like this much longer. See, it is gone already. Normally, when I am in an okay place, just thinking of the actions you have taken to change my life, and not for the better, infuriates me. That is why I wrote this. The craziness, I don’t need it. My heart is filled with grief. The hurt is still there. My love and kindness, you’ll never find again. No one could EVER compare. Where do broken hearts go? I wish I knew.

I am about to lose control! Not just for me, but for you too. I do not want to be on a love high, but I do not want to live this low either. I just want to be…. HAPPY!

I honestly thought I would find that happiness with you. Well, you would be a great actor because you had me fooled as if you would love me forever. I wonder who it was that convinced you that they would be a better companion to you than I would. I would love to meet them. I cannot be that upset though because that just shows your ignorance. You would rather live your life entertaining someone who would make you feel good, in that moment, rather than love someone who would love and/or worship the ground you walk on. I will never understand.

I am about to lose control! Not just for me, but for you too. I do not want to be on a love high, but I do not want to live this low either. I just want to be…. HAPPY!

 

I Still Want You

Who? Who are you? You are not the same person I talked to, in the beginning. I told you I did not want to hurt anymore. Yet, you did just that. I know you understood what I said because you claimed to have felt the exact same way. That means part of what you said was a lie. Not knowing who I am, I still want you. 

What? What is this I feel? My heart is beating fast, my hands are shaking, and tears are rolling down my face.  It is getting out of hand and I cannot control it. It only happens when you come around. I am legitimately scared of what will happen next. I am scared of you. More intensely though, I am scared of myself.  One day I will learn though. Still not knowing what I feel, I still want you.

When? When did this happen? It started out so innocent, then so messy, now so vicious. I am trying to keep the darkest parts of me locked away, but the more I am around you, the more I long for you. I got so caught in our conversations that I lost track of the time. Now, there are these endless thoughts of you that I cannot get rid of. You had me at, “Wassup, you good?” Right then, I knew it was over. You had me up all night thinking of all the great times we would share. Now that you have walked away, I am up all night thinking what did I do? It had to have been my fault, it always is. And not knowing when the right time is, I still want you. 

Where? Where was I? So many feelings transpired, so fast. I could not have been there, because I did not feel them until now. Say it loud, say it clear. I was not myself then and I am most definitely not myself now. The difference is, then, I was happy. Now, I am bitter. My bitterness has overtaken my spirit. I have not learned how to suppress these feelings. Therefore, you will always be that negative thought that ruins my day. Even not knowing where I was, I still want you. 

Why? Why me? Why did I have to be your next victim? Why would you drag my feelings through the dirt ? Why would you admit your wrong doings, like it means nothing? Why would you caress my mind, my soul, and my body, then just walk away? Why did I fall for it? Why did I not recognize your “typical boy” behaviors? Most of all, why did I not do the same to you? Yet and still not knowing why me, I still want you. 

 

How Does It Feel?

What you are about to read is a dialogue between a Terrell and his therapist. The therapist decided to take a poetic approach to get Terrell to express himself.

Therapist: “Good Morning, Terrell. I have some questions that we would love for you to answer, but answer them by starting your statement with, It feels horrible when…. okay?”

Terrell: “Sure.”

Producer: “How does it feel to be in love? How does it feel for your heart to fly away like a dove?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I am alone, all the time. It feels horrible when my heart only beats for me!”

Producer: “How does it feel when someone else’s smile brightens your day? How does it feel when the thought of them leaving strips your sanity away?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I see my smile, but no one else notices it. It feels horrible when I am not in control of my sanity, so there is no one to strip it away.”

Producer: “How does it feel when the frown on someone else’s face puts tears in your eyes? How does it feel when you know the love they confess for you is not a lie?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when the tears rolling down my face are from my deep, problematic thoughts that travel through my mind in the wee hours of the night. It feels horrible when my heart is constantly being tampered with, so I never trust anyone.”

Producer: “How does it feel when you are scared of messing up?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I feel like I am the one who is always messing up.”

Producer: “How does it feel when you are scared of letting go?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I have no choice but to let go.”

Producer: “How does it feel when you feel like you are not ready enough, but you care too much to leave them?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I know I am ready, but no one else is.”

Producer: “How does it feel when your heart soars freely among the stars of hope, stability, and love?”

Terrell: “It feels horrible when I hope for love, but it never seems to appear. I beg for stability, but the foundation just cannot seem to hold still. I plead for the love of someone else to fill my body, but everyone is stone cold.”

Therapist: “Thank you for your cooperation. That is all I needed.”

Terrell: “K, bye.”

 

 

 

 

P ~ O ~ V of Love!

Welcome to my first blog! Whenever you see “P~O~V”, it is going to be my alter-egos sharing their opinions and/or experiences on a topic. This week, I chose love. You can sort of get a feel of who they are from what they say. ENJOY! 

Michael’s POV

Good Morning! My name is Michael Coleman. I am a 16-year old literary student at Mississippi School of the Arts. I have been summoned to speak about my “love life”. Well, let me just start by saying it is non-existent. I am the type of student who focuses solely on my education. I honestly can live without having someone to love me, because I am in love with learning. Additionally, I refuse to set myself up for heartbreak. As I sit back and observe the way people carelessly lie and cheat, I would rather not.

MJ’s POV

Hey, my name is MJ. I’m a literary at MSA. Man, I love this school. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. That’s where my heart is as of right now. I would love to have someone in my life, you know? But, I live in reality. I know if someone wanted me, they’d tell me. I’m not going to look for anyone though. At this point in my life, I really only care about what I like to do. I like to sing, write, dance, exercise, and get dressed up. I really don’t care about what people have to say about me. I sort of do my own thing. I know if I find someone to date, they might try to hinder me from doing the things that I love the most. Then, it’s a problem. So, I’m good luv, enjoy!

Terrell’s POV

Wassup, it’s Terrell. I don’t go to school because I live my life in a box now. All I think about day in and day out is my love life. But, I’m really tired of being tired of love.  I try so hard to overcome the substantial abnormalities of what a companion should be, but I can’t seem to do so.  What else is there to do? I’ll never find the answer, especially if I have no one. People see me as an easy target because they always catch me when I’m vulnerable. But, what about that is amusing or cool? I think people that do things like this are evil and inconsiderate of people’s feelings. Breaking someone’s heart does more than make them depressed. There are so many different effects of a real heartbreak. I wish people could understand that.