I know that you were probably expecting more Tears for Fears, but their third and (hopefully) final post will release later. For my sanity (and yours), I can not type another colossal post for another week or two.
Peace out, January. I am glad to finally add you to my month collection because you lasted for an eternity.
Looking back, I feel as if I experienced an entire semester during January. The month began after the passing of another year, and it ended on a Friday. The days in-between vary in shape and color.
I started off ceaselessly anticipating the start of my second semester at MSA. At home, during the break, I had a lot of time to think, and fear lined most of my thoughts. For some bizarre reason, I dreaded resuming my life in Brookhaven. Yes, I looked forward to not spending everyday oversleeping, watching Mission:Impossible, and impatiently involving myself in meaningless crafts (wait, I want to go back now…), but I almost dreaded returning to Brookhaven. Why? Well, I have a habit of always expecting the worst. I imagined that my classes would only bring me stress (hah), and I also imagined that I would lose everyone close to me (a bit dramatic, no?).
Well, to my surprise, I had the best first week back, and it started immediately when I returned. I genuinely missed MSA and its people, and being back reminded me of why I came to Brookhaven in the first place. To give you a bit of insight, I neglected my Popeye’s and unpacked bags to s o c i a l i z e. Therefore, my relentless fear of being estranged faded after I realized that people were glad to see me. I learned (and am still learning) an important lesson: Although negative thoughts seem to hold a permanent place in your head, do not dwell on them; if you fritter your time away on reliving every grey moment, you forget the endless supply of yellow within.
Although I often veer from any schedule I put together, I like having a routine. I know that routines can quickly become repetitive, but having one provides me with a lot of freedom. Allow me to explain: When I inherit a new schedule, I am overwhelmed and clueless as to how I manage my time; however, having a routine enables me to efficiently go about completing tasks. In short, having a routine lets me know how much I can procrastinate and at what time. As MSA runs on block schedule, I struggled with my schedule adjustment for quite some time during January, but I eventually found a routine.
As the month progressed, stress caught up to me (partially due to the shift in my schedule). It seemed as if the sky would remain grey forever. At times, I felt like an island stranded in the open ocean. I present to you another lesson, however: Never give in to a grey sky; never sink into the open ocean. Although clouds seemed to inhabit my chest, raining night and day, they dissipated with a little help. In the past, I would have sunken into this state, but the people in my life made me decide otherwise. I began to disregard the grey, and I was able to feel more present as a result.
I present to you another lesson: Never become discouraged by the process of growth. You will give it your all, desperately wanting to rise above the grey, but you will fall. You will land on your face and wonder why you continue to try. But, after, you will stand and regain your footing, and you will try again. And you will try because life is not meant to be lived with clouds in your chest, grey in your sky.
I ended up having some of the most “full” days of my life, and I am forever grateful. MSA has hurled a volley of frustration at me, but I do not regret coming here at all. For the first time in memory, I do not mind attending school. Sure, I have a lot of stress, but its influence has drastically reduced. I am more tolerate, also, and I can have a 9/10 day despite needing to approach an intimidating mass of homework. Peace has found me, and I hold on to it everyday in hope that it will never leave. But I have a lot of optimism, now, and I am not afraid.
The month ended on a Friday, drawing to a close after many weeks of change. And I felt one hundred percent drained, needless to say.
All in all, I appreciate January despite its stress and its length. It showed me that you can overcome the grey and find happiness. It showed me that the people in your life are worth fighting for, even if it feels like you only regress on your path toward positive development. It showed me that stress will always have a permanent place of residency in your life, but it is how you deal with it that makes a difference. And it showed me that growth manifests in the form of a scatterplot, not a perfect line graph.
I leave you with a few final words of advice: Do not give in to the grey, do not cling to negativity, and do not forget the people in your life (ahem, correction: every person).
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
Mike Score (of the band A Flock of Seagulls) used to be a hairdresser…
Congratulations, you survived the first half. Now prepare thyself for the second…(I just want to say that I enjoyed every second spent typing this). Tears for Fears have become my most recent obsession, and creating this post worsened it, fun.
Note: This is less of a casual blog and more of a collection of this band’s history. Feel free to digest as you wish, visiting for new songs, a lot of facts, and my own personal opinions. I would rather keep all of my thoughts compact rather than separating them into a million segments, so sorry for the length; I tried my best to keep it short (also, I am too impatient to wait).
A Brief History of Tears for Fears:
(thanks to Wikipedia, YouTube, and miscellaneous sources)
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_for_Fears)
Tears for Fears (Who They Are):
(left to right: Roland Orzabal, Curt Smith, Ian Stanley, Manny Elias)
Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith met as early teenagers in Bath, England, bonding over their similar backgrounds, interest in books and psychology, and dependence on music. During their late teenage years, they played with a band called Neon, meeting Manny Elias, who would later become Tears for Fears’ drummer (two artists a part of Neon later became Naked Eyes, the band behind “Always Something There to Remind Me”). And, during the late seventies, Roland and Curt helped form the mod revival band known as Graduate, their musical career truly kicking off.
A Few Impressive Notes:
Roland and Curt played in a youth club band together at the age of fourteen.
Roland began performing more seriously (with John Baker, a member of Graduate) at the age of sixteen.
In 1980, the band had a single in Spain’s top ten, and Roland and Curt were about nineteen at the time.
Graduate Era (1978-1981):
(:
(The second-to-left guy: Curt Smith; the second-to-right guy: Roland Orzabal)
Below, I have included a video of one of Graduate’s performances, footage from Spanish television. Roland Orzabal is playing the white guitar in the center, and Curt Smith is to the right playing bass. I would cover the other guys’ names, but I do not want this blog to become too confusing.
I recently discovered Graduate’s existence and their only album, Acting My Age, and when I did, I was quite surprised. First of all, the band members have on stiff identical suits and green socks. Second, the style of music differs tremendously from their later works. And, lastly, Roland has the microphone almost entirely to himself. Looking at Curt in this video, I would never guess that he could become the same Curt Smith that sings and plays bass for Tears for Fears. All in all, although I love this era, it is almost too surreal to believe. (side note: The keyboardist looks kind of like Sting, and the drummer is having the time of his life.)
Roland and Curt separated from the band in 1981, disagreeing with the others’ priorities. After traveling miles for Graduate, Roland wanted to focus on writing music more than performing live, deciding to leave due to the other members planning on spending the majority of their time touring.
Becoming inspired by artists such as The Talking Heads, Roland and Curt formed a band named History of Headaches in 1981. The name, however, soon changed to Tears for Fears, the idea owing itself to Curt Smith—who was inspired by the work of psychologist Arthur Janov. Soon, Ian Stanley joined as the band’s keyboardist, offering free use of his home studio. Tears for Fears recorded two demos, and then they were signed in 1981.
The Hurting Era (1981-1983):
(main album cover)
(Roland (left) and Curt (right))
After two rather unsuccessful singles—”Suffer the Children” (1981) and “Pale Shelter” (1982)—Tears for Fears released a third single which reached no. 3 in the UK. The name of the song? Drum roll, please… “Mad World” (1982)! Then their first album, The Hurting, was released— proving quite successful, even internationally.
From these two videos, anyone can see the major shift from Graduate to Tears for Fears (The Hurting era). Curt Smith (the guy singing in the window—first video) went from playing bass in the background to being a lead vocalist. Although Roland fronted the band with him, Curt became the face of Tears for Fears. Roland Orzabal (the guy endlessly strumming the guitar—second video) fell more into the background. Although he was (and still is) the main brain behind the writing for Tears for Fears’, he felt as if he could not sing some of his songs, harboring feelings of unease about their popularity and the stage itself. After they found out that Curt could sing, Curt became the one in the spotlight, more comfortable with the publicity than Roland was.
Although I love every era of Tears for Fears, I love this one the most. I am a sucker for new wave synth bands, so of course I love The Hurting. Not only do I love every song on the album, but this album has all of my favorites. I love “The Hurting”, “Memories Fade”, “Change”, “The Prisoner”, and “Start of the Breakdown”. I like the other songs as well, but these are my top five. I also love the surreal music videos. Music video occurrences that I will never get over include the following: Curt singing in the window for “Mad World”, Roland dancing in the background, Roland’s dance moves in general, the giant fake impression of an iron in “Pale Shelter”, Roland following Curt with his guitar, and the paper airplanes (especially the one that hits Roland in the eye at the end of “Pale Shelter”). I love how they were becoming true artists (as well as true to themselves, musically), experimenting with different themes and emotions and styles of music in general—a trend in every album of theirs. Critics slammed the album, calling it too emotional and depressing for a pop album (which is dumb…because they are not just a “pop” band), but radios still broadcast songs like “Mad World” today.
(I love this era because of the synth, the lyrics, and the overall appearance of the band. It was a good era for fashion and hair styles, haha.)
(The full album):
(Live):
(I love this video, by the way…literal art. You can clearly read their awkwardness at the beginning, but it gets so good. Much love)
(1983)
Before 1983 ended, Tears for Fears released the experimental single “The Way You Are” while working on their second album, and, after, the era of The Hurting drew to a close.
(I found this video (1983) interesting. Roland is playing a synthesizer. )
(R.I.P., The Hurting. I listen to you nearly everyday, though.)
Songs from the Big Chair Era (1984-1986):
(main album cover…Roland (left) and Curt (right))
After two successful singles (“Mothers Talk” and “Shout” (1984)), Songs from the Big Chair was released in 1985. Unlike the music from The Hurting, Songs from the Big Chair took two steps back from synthesizers and experimented with a more sophisticated sound constructed by a range of various instruments and effects. And, with this album, the band was met with worldwide fame, embarking on a world tour for nearly a year. This album made Tears for Fears, basically. Although their other albums were met with a lot of positive feedback, this album brought their fame to new heights, the majority of their most well-known songs belonging to it.
(You probably have heard at least one of these songs:)
When recalling Tears for Fears, someone (specifically a person who lived through the 80s) thinks of these three music videos (or “Mad World”, of course). How could anyone forget “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” with Curt driving that green vintage vehicle? How could anyone forget “Shout”—probably one of the most 80s music videos, ever—with Roland’s most memorable look (trench coat and mullet), close-ups of Roland and Curt…shouting…off of a cliff (hah), the singing and dancing on the beach in front of a sunset, Roland’s epic guitar solo on a cliff, and as much visual layering as in the song itself (which is a lot… “Shout” is basically a journey of layers). And how could anyone forget “Head Over Heels” with the lighthearted library story, Roland walking in with a million books, the librarian’s hair, the chimpanzee, the weird-looking people scattered about, Curt’s glasses, and the undeniable humor that differs from their other videos.
If I am not mistaken, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” was the first music video by TFF that I ever watched. I have come a long way since then because I had no idea about their names, then. I would watch every music video confusedly because of their continuously changing appearances and alternating vocals. When I first watched “Shout”, it was an interesting experience. The too close-up images of them yelling—where all you can see is their teeth—made me cringe, and I thought of them as annoying synth-pop guys from the eighties. But after listening to them more, I came to appreciate the songs that I used to hear on the radio. Although “Shout” almost lasts an unnecessary amount of time, the layers are beautiful. If you skip impatiently through it, you miss a lot—like the random clanging, the deviations in the synth sounds, and Roland’s awesome guitar solo. Although I had a lot of fun laughing at their hair (mullets), their faces as they sang, the weird visuals of the video itself (ugh, layers, layers, layers), and Roland, I have a lot of respect for them now. I mean, these guys had nice hair for a band in the eighties. Also, I love layers and guitar solos and good synth beats, so of course I love them. Not only that, but my opinion of them being an annoying (but catchy) pop band changed after I went past these three (four, if you count “Mad World”) videos.
This is my second favorite era (shocker) because I have been in a new wave phase for the past two, three years (increasingly, I mean). Although Tears for Fears went beyond the Second British Invasion, they were one of the most influential bands a part of it (a.k.a. my favorite musical movement ever). I love everything about this era. I love the entire album, as Songs from the Big Chair holds a lot of my favorites. I love the continued use of synthesizers but the experimentation with other effects. I love the mullets. I love the earrings (especially Roland’s two dangly earrings). I love Roland’s trench coat. And I love the different sound (also, no two songs sound alike). My top five songs from this album are the following: “The Working Hour”, “Mothers Talk”, “I Believe”, “Head Over Heels/ Broken”, and “Listen”.
(An interview from 1985):
(A documentary of sorts; 1985):
(The full album):
During this era, Tears for Fears became more commercial against their ideals, persuaded by figures such as their manager. But their music continued to stay true to themselves, representing their identities more than The Hurting, in fact. With “Shout”, a lot of change began to unfold, the song a major step for Roland, especially. If you can not tell from the music videos, Roland began to have more of an appearance, even featured in the video for “Head Over Heels” (and it only continued from there…dun dun dun…totally not foreshadowing anything). But even though this album became probably their most “commercial” album, I disagree with Tears for Fears being known as just a pop band. Listen to “I Believe”, for instance—some of Roland’s best lyrics, in my opinion. And although songs like “Shout” may seem like a haphazard arrangement of the same annoying phrase, Roland’s writing is nothing to scoff at. In fact, he is my second favorite song writer. The more you listen to Tears for Fears’ lyrics, the more you realize how awesome they are, and, for the songs that sound casually shaped such as “Shout”, meaning lies beneath the surface.
In short, the release of Songs from the Big Chair marked a major change from The Hurting that would set Tears for Fears on the road toward their third album: The Seeds of Love. Also, Manny left the band (Ian Stanley soon after). R.I.P.
The Seeds of Love Era (1987-1990):
(official album cover…my favorite)
(Ugh, true art)
After Songs from the Big Chair, Tears for Fears spent many years developing their third album: The Seeds of Love. Many reasons stand as to why. During 1985, the band’s amount of fame grew exponentially, and Roland and Curt were touring the world in their early twenties. The two were somewhat disturbed by the overwhelming amount of attention and success, wanting to step away from extreme stardom and return to earth. As a result, Tears for Fears began to take a more organic approach to music, abandoning excessive use of machines (such as the lovely synthesizer). The Seeds of Love was released in 1989, earning a no. 1 spot in the UK’s top charts and making the top 10 in many countries, including the US. The two singles released shortly before the album were successful on their own, also—the Beatles-inspired Sowing the Seeds of Love and then Woman in Chains (which featured Oleta Adams and Phil Collins, on drums).
Fun fact: The meticulous approach that Tears for Fears took toward the crafting of this album cost them a lot of time and money. If you want details, head over to Wikipedia because that was an understatement (when considering this particular band’s history).
(Although I do not love this music video, I thought it was from Songs from the Big Chair which says something. I like the videos from that album, R.I.P. The setting of this is nice, and I like Roland’s hat and Curt’s shirt. I like how earthy it is, also.
(This is their third most popular song. Although I like the song itself, it has probably my least favorite TFF’s video. I find it worse than “Shout”, even. Sorry for cursing your screen with this, and sorry, Tears for Fears, for my comment.)
*(This is a live version of “Woman in Chains” from 1989; now, I find this video awesome.)
As you can tell, The Seeds of Love era did not have amazing music videos, but they definitely had better videos of live performances.
As of right now, this is my third favorite album. It has my favorite cover, and I love the shift in sound from their second album. I love how The Seeds of Love is nature-inspired, and I like the different themes. I have been listening to this album a lot, lately, and it has quite the effect on me. But, going back to the album, now…I love Roland’s hair. I also like choice in clothing. All in all, I find this album very vibrant and real, very fundamental yet extravagant. I appreciate their approach to this album, and I feel that they created something truly beautiful. The Seeds of Love would be my favorite album if I did not love synthesizers.
My five favorite songs: “Sowing the Seeds of Love”, “Advice for the Young at Heart”, “Standing on the Corner of the Third World”, “Swords and Knives”, and “Famous Last Words.”
* (“Famous Last Words” is one of my favorite Tears for Fears’ songs in general, actually. I love this video. I feel like it shows their growth as artists. Roland has a very genuine voice, so I am glad that he embraced a stage personality.)
And, speaking of last words…
(cue the sad music)
In 1991, the band split. Many reasons for this falling out were announced or speculated. Such reasons include the following: differences in production processes, Curt’s separation from his wife, mutual frustration, their manager’s bankruptcy and later conviction of fraud, and tension that came along with growth. In the beginning, although Roland wrote all of the songs, he did not yet have the personality to front the band, and Curt became the face of Tears for Fears. But, with time, Roland gained the confidence to sing the majority of his songs, and the problems began there. Curt went from singing entire songs by himself (“Mad World”) to rarely being a main vocalist (“I Believe”). Personally, I feel that this is the major reason Curt left the band; he was used to singing and loved it, and then Roland began to take over the spotlight (it is quite noticeable). Whatever the reason, in 1991, Curt left to pursue music elsewhere, and only Roland remained in Tears for Fears.
Was this the end? What happened after 1991?
Yep, this be the end, R.I.P.
Haha, just kidding…as of right now, I am making the decision to turn this blog into a trilogy. The last segment (hopefully) will be released soon. I promise that it will not last as long as this post. I became a little zealous. In my next post, I will finish the journey of Tears for Fears, and I will also include more pictures, videos, and song lyrics (I would have included some of the lyrics in this post, but it was already too long, sorry). To be continued…
Some More Songs/Videos:
*(Although I love the song itself, I love this live version with all of my heart.)
(An important, short interview with Roland)
(A few Graduate songs…)
(I have no idea what is happening, but it is definitely beautiful.)
(Roland dancing for nearly seven minutes)
A Few More Great/Funny Pictures:
(I like pictures if you can not tell.)
And for some humor:
I will talk more about why I like this band in my next Tears for Fears’ post. But for now, I will only say that I appreciate them for making me laugh with their sarcasm and crazy dance moves. And I also appreciate Roland for his lyrics, and I appreciate all of the guys for creating good music. I will pause my thinly disguised rant until part three, peace.
Did you learn something? Do you have a favorite era? Whatever your thoughts, thanks for reading, and I will see you all next time.
*Note: I originally planned to contain this idea in one post, but it quickly got out of hand. I ended up having over a thousand words, and I had not yet reached the middle. So, in short, I broke the idea down into two posts; part one will explain my reasoning, and part two will cover the band itself. In case you are interested, the second half should prove more interesting than this one (so stay tuned…).*
I have wanted to type this blog since the end of December/ beginning of January, so needless to say, I am pretty stoked. Warning: You will learn a lot of “unnecessary” information about a band you probably have no idea exists. And so it begins…
Why have I decided to create this post?
I am tired of people thinking that Gary Jules made “Mad World”.
“Tears for what? What the heck is that?”
“Ever heard of ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World?’,” and then the reply: “What.”
I received a record as a Christmas present.
My brain has false nostalgia.
I spent my holiday break madly researching for no reason.
I am easily addicted to music (like any other normal human being).
My journey with Tears for Fears began around the fall of 2018. I had two online classes back-to-back, and I survived only with the aid of loud music and earbuds. Thanks to YouTube, I listened to a ton of music from different genres (well, a few genres…). Basically, I listened to music I knew before exhausting myself, and then I branched out by chasing random songs I vaguely remembered. I liked the song “Shout”, so I searched, listened, and repeated the cycle over and over again until the song ran through my head like a mantra. Then “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” floated into perspective, and I included its presence because it was also familiar to me. And so the journey began. I listened to “Head Over Heels/ Broken” while furiously typing last-minute essays, my classmates mocking Spanish, sleeping, and watching Vines to the point of frustration. Yep, that is how I survived living out procrastination’s dreams. I listened to a few more songs—most likely “Mad World” (which I was happy to tell everyone that they created it) and “Pale Shelter”. And, after three hours of hanging on to Tears for Fears for sanity everyday, I sort of abandoned their music.
For Christmas (2019), I wanted a record from an 80’s band because I had developed a potent addiction to synth music. I liked a few specific bands, but I mainly listened to random songs. But Tears for Fears called out to me from the depths of sophomore year, and I decided that I wanted to know them better because their music spoke to me. By that, I mean that I found their lyrics interesting…Okay, and I will admit that I found the band catchy and amusing—the music videos that I had watched made me laugh a lot. But, yes, Christmas…I opened a crisp copy of their most recent collection album: Rule the World. It surprised me, but I immediately loved it. It contained two individual records, so I received four sides worth of material from every era of theirs (sixteen songs!).
So, part one of my journey ended, and the second and most recent half began. Before I delve into that, I must inform you that I listened to more of Tears for Fears before I received my record. I was on the computer a lot for academic work and writing, so it was inevitable. My knowledge expanded to include a few more songs, music videos, and vague understandings of album covers. But after listening to Rule the World, I realized that I had more albums to explore. Although I had records from bands I casually listened to, I felt compelled to add TFF to the group that I know nearly one hundred percent; I honestly have no idea why. After listening to Rule the World on repeat for hours, I acted upon that random want. I searched the order of their albums, and then I went through each one. After listening to The Hurting, their first album, I forgot all about “Shout” and the music videos of them yelling and dancing on beaches. I immediately knew with “The Hurting” (the first song on their album The Hurting) that I had found a new favorite band.
(The album I have a physical copy of…so beautiful.)
Below is a link to a Tears For Fears documentary I found on YouTube, if you are curious. Keep in mind, however, that my next post will cover the same information and more (plus personal opinions and fun pictures/videos).
The last-minute decision to severe this blog in half pained me significantly, but it proved the sole logical scenario. Stay tuned for next Wednesday! On that day, I will have peaked in my blog-posting career of many, many days.
(:
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
A daily intake of chips and salsa can save you 50% off your next purchase of happiness (in other words, consuming chips with salsa can make you a happier human being…or something).
Anyway, I hope all of you had a pleasant break (if you had one) and slept a lot. I applaud anyone that also ate their weight in chocolate. You are my hero because I, too, adore eating sugar at random moments of the day…especially at eleven p.m.
So this will stand as my first post of the year. I am going to be honest and say that I have typed at least three different versions, which strikes me as a little absurd. I had an overwhelming amount of ideas saturating my brain, though, and, at first, I spent so much time trying to combine them in creative ways. But in the end, I realized…Wow, a December post would wrap up all of this, huh. So, I present to you my fifth addition to this month series I have created.
(jazz hands)*
Ah, December. Not only did I become incredibly inspired this month, but I can recognize inspiration that I have carried away from it.
During December, I feel like I am always hit with nostalgia. I start flipping through journals and picking which dates match my current ones, and then I compare content. I had a lot of fun with that, this time, and that is mainly because this December was so much better than the previous one. R.I.P. That concludes my first example of inspiration. To put it in words for you, my days improved, and that inspires me itself.
For some reason, I had so many yellow days. That confuses me because nothing super awesome happened. I was wrapped in happiness because I wanted to; I put a lot of effort into trying. This inspires me right now, at this moment, because I feel trapped in an “eh” mood. Although life is not grey, my current day feels blue-green. I hope this changes, as it proves quite debilitating. But I believe that trying makes a difference. If, for some reason, you ever feel monochromatic and as if your insides are raining, I recommend resistance. Never sink into this open ocean for too long (unless you are a diver or something).
During December, I had a lot of motivation to live the upcoming year as intentionally as possible. This is a bit surprising because I started off 2019 all agdakgfhvwhf, if that makes sense. I basically took the shape of a disgruntled amoeba with a taste in self-deprecating jokes and tar-like pessimism. But I ended all, “wow, I like life, so pretty, much coolness, beauty is everywhere and stuff, hm.”
Determination to grow (even more) prompted me to put to work a random journal. During the break, I spent many hours bombarding its cover with stickers and cutting paper into squares of different sizes. After all of this vague description, I want to inform of its purpose: …Okay, first I have to supply a bit of context. I am a procrastinator (I know, right—frowny face). I am actually so bad of a procrastinator that, often, I used to stay up frantically multi-tasking while battling a self-induced, mini breakdown. Why? Well, I thought that I could never concentrate on a usual basis, but, when the due date rolled around, heck, I could focus for hours. Coming to MSA forced me to retire some of those bad habits (ex: I waited until the night before to complete over half of a packet…I never did that again). Actually, thinking about it, now, I became incredibly organized at the end of 2019. I worked ahead and completed a bit of homework each night, and I learned to not profit off of the adrenaline rush that resulted from a maniacal deadline breathing over my shoulder. But, anyway, about the journal…Basically, it is where I am trapping all of my goals (etc.) within. Most of them circle topics related to procrastination (such as going to sleep early, hah…hah…). But I also have topics dealing with being a better person in general (ex: reminders to have gratitude and to try not to morph back into the amoeba). It has helped me a lot, already, because it puts everything into perspective. Also, I have a few sections where I mention what I am thankful for, and it helps to flip back to it whenever I forget and feel dull.
I chose peace (groovy) to be my word for 2020, and I had a few revelations that added significance.
Moving on to other topics of interest, I became infatuated with an instrument that I will mention in an upcoming blog post (; . In fact, I am so fascinated by it that I spent literally hours researching it, and I want to have one in my possession so badly. Oops.
Also, I listened to a lot of music. I plan on mentioning that in my next two blogs (; . Inspiration from this propelled me into almost as much research as the instrument (of my dreams).
And, to conclude my post, I received fifteen pairs of novelty socks for Christmas. They constitute a portion of my will to live. I think that I have amassed a collection of around fifty pairs over the course of (maybe?) three years, gasp. I have forty pairs with me at school, in my dorm, and I love them all (I am as confused as you are).
Anyway, good bye, everyone. I leave hoping you have taken at least something from this post (other than a headache). I also recommend keeping a “perspective journal”, picking a word to focus on for the year, and listening to music more than small talk (but also remember to socialize (I know, I know) because it can be beneficial in ways other than wasting time). I hope all of you enjoyed me pretending to be organized. Peace.
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
If you are an frustrated writer, have courage. You may understand existence in everything around you but can never express it. Remember that the words are enough, and they will not leave. The colors and textures of reality will become more familiar, and one day they will manifest in the shape of words, able to be savored.
I can definitely say that this year did not disappoint.
But, good riddance.
I will not miss you too much (oops).
read at your own risk
January:
When midnight hit and the year began, I was watching a documentary about abandoned places with my mom. Looking back, I am glad my year began this way. A lot has changed, but she has remained a constant influence in my life. (If you are reading, hello 🙂
A math teacher that I had, that semester, encouraged us to pick a word for 2019, and mine was growth. I like this idea quite a bit because it kept things in perspective. And, now, looking back, I can say that I have grown quite a bit. So January stood as the beginning of this growth.
Although I will not disclose her name, I had a friend that brightened this winter month. I would like to thank her for being a spring of sorts.
I would also like to thank the other people that accompanied me this semester. A, I have vivid memories of waiting at the microwave with you, and I have memories of you judging my love for “ahvocados” (I also remember us during math, haha). B, I remember our conversations during the last class when we moved our desks together, and I remember how you were the first person to welcome me at this school. K, thank you for listening to me during lunch, and I appreciate your interesting conversations and bright mind. G, I remember history and our snatched bits of conversation. S, thank you for seeing me every morning and offering me food during first block (I remember the Reese’s, and I remember the soda you drank with a sour straw); I appreciate you letting me trail aimlessly behind you, also.
February:
MSA kind of had a hold on everything. My mind could only consider the application and the audition and my portfolio. And, for an understandable reason, I became increasingly infatuated with the idea of leaving. I began to write almost all the time, and I gave myself a bunch of writing prompts when I should have been focusing on bellwork. But, yes, I did not want to stay at my old school, and I often escaped into an imagined world of what I hoped to be the future.
March:
MSA! Yeah, that is my first thought. At this time, during the year, all I could focus on was MSA. I honestly did not believe that I would get in, and I remember feeling extremely bitter about staying at my old school. When the letters went out, mine seemed to take forever to arrive. I remember receiving it in the mail and wanting to open it alone, in my room, because I did not want to see everyone’s disappointed faces. But I got a “congratulations!” instead, and I instantly felt awesome. I held that letter for a long time, and every time I stared at it, I felt so much hope and happiness. My overall mood changed drastically.
April:
I can not remember April at all, with the exception of a few elements. For starters, a challenge presented itself: When and how would I announce that I was leaving? Characteristic of my personality, I decided to put that off for quite some time.
I wrote a lot of poetry during this month. And from what I can gather from their remains, everything felt kind of saturated (but in a bittersweet way). People caused me a lot of grief, but I did not want to escape them completely.
Also, during this time, school ate a lot of my time, especially history.
Thinking about MSA also ate a lot of my time.
May:
I kind of liked this month. It served as a fitting conclusion.
I went to New Student Day for MSA, and I felt thrilled yet terrified. So much happened, there were so many unfamiliar people, and I could tell that next year would prove a challenge like no other. But I had so much hope, and I felt so happy that I was leaving.
I finally announced (to the few people I talked to) that I was leaving, and I got mixed responses. I knew that I would miss them, but I also knew that we were not “best friends”, necessarily. By that, I mean that they would move on, and I probably would too. But I appreciate the time spent with them. I appreciate the final hugs and good byes. And I even appreciate the negative responses I met—being ignored and forgotten and dismissed. I appreciate everything that came from them; they colored my year, truly.
June & July:
I feel like grouping them together. They are the summer months, after all.
So, first of all, I was so bored. I think that had to do with MSA. For some reason—although I did not consider it a heaven on earth—MSA seemed like some kind of savior for me. So I wrote letters to myself and mentally prepared my brain for the upcoming two-year journey I was about to have.
I wasted a lot of time, but I also tried my best to spend my summer wisely. I got into painting and writing more. For instance, I gave myself a prompt everyday (everyday), and I nearly filled up a notebook. I learned a lot during this small amount of time.
Later, I began preparing for MSA by buying supplies and such. Then, the moment of truth, dun dun dun…
August:
This month had a lot of different colors and textures. I was ready to embrace any difficulty the month threw at me, but a lot of growing pains existed, at first. I was so, so happy, and I had a lot of hope. Possibility seemed to glimmer everywhere, and I found that particularly exciting. But the move, for me personally, presented quite a few challenges. I had to learn how to live in a dorm with a roommate, and I had to deal with my unfamiliar environment. But my discipline helped a lot, and I automatically had people to sit with at times.
The first week seemed to last forever, so coming home felt like the best thing ever. I did have a lot of orange days, however, to give that week some credit.
But, overall, August served as an interesting chapter. I had a lot of stress, confusion, and apprehension. This month was mainly me learning how to exist in this place (and learning how to talk, also, haha).
September:
My year became a lot more orange with this month. I finally learned that I could go outside (gasp…for some reason, I was afraid to do this before). I gained better time management skills, and the stress became a lot more manageable. And I fell back in love with reading and writing!
My roommate left during this month, but living alone turned out to be awesome. I decorated my room more, also. I started a plant family, and now I have leaves everywhere. I have no idea why.
I talked more, hooray. I shed my title as the Antisocial Moth (aka Prickly Cactus, aka Just Callie), and I experienced a lot of healthier growth.
I spent less time being isolated with homework, and I made my first friends outside of the literary department. That helped a lot. The majority of my old friends grew distant.
October:
Artoberfest and Halloween flew by way too fast, but I enjoyed them a lot. I was not originally planning on being apart of any of it, but I ended up having a lot of fun (ex: drawing on walls with chalk and cutting up toys).
I also loved the arrival of fall. The trees here, at MSA, are so beautiful during this season. I enjoyed the colder weather, and I began to enjoy walking outside and watching the clouds.
November:
This month passed by so fast. The weather became colder, but I became happier. I gained a lot of gratitude, and my days steadily gathered more meaning. I spent a lot of time on self-reflection, and I discovered constants of my personality that had survived all of the change. I learned more about my personal philosophies, and I grew more optimistic and peaceful.
A lot of compliments helped me appreciate myself and my work, so I am exceedingly grateful for the people that expended them.
This month was all about really sinking into this place and growing. I grew as a writer, a family member, a friend, and a person.
December:
My December addition to my summarized month series is yet to arrive, but, yes…bam; what’s up? Just kidding.
I am only about halfway through this month, but it has surprised me. Besides stress and some disappointing features of random days, this has been the best month by far, I think. I have had so many orange and yellow days, and I have only had one blue day (which probably resulted entirely from the ACT…reasonably so). I understand a lot more. I understand who I am at my core; I understand who I am as an artist; I understand what I want in life.
Although perseverance proves as no easy feat, part of growth is resisting the temptation to sink into apathy. And by persevering, my life has changed for the better. Now, I will say that I falter every once in awhile, but I am trying. The results do not stir regret in me, either.
So far, this has been a lovely December. I still enjoy writing, nature, and coffee, and I have so much appreciation for the people here. Nowhere else have I met so much warmth and positivity. Already, I have gotten at least five presents. Thank you guys so much, gah! I have a lot of gratitude and good feelings in general, and I am (almost) at peace with myself and the world.
Overall, I would say that I experienced a tremendous amount of growth. At the beginning of 2019, I woke up irritated almost every morning. But now I “jazz hands” my way through, and I have even begun to tell people good morning, which is weird. I have found a nice environment to grow in, and I appreciate it a lot. The negative bits will always exist, but I try my best to face them with more opposition rather than sinking into them. I have learned a lot, and I am not afraid to face the upcoming year. I just have to find my next word…
The people I am thankful for:
Everyone I mentioned in my January section.
My teachers (:
The seniors 🙂
The literaries: Thank you for accepting me and always providing good feedback for my pieces. And thank you, all of you, for being yourselves.
E: Thanks for being literally the best person to share a bathroom with. Thank you for keeping me from oversleeping too much, and thank you for dealing with my random talking. I also appreciate our spontaneous conversations in the bathroom, and I hope next semester is a great one.
J: Thank you for eating millions of tacos and watching movies with me late into the night. Thank you for listening to me rant everyday for hours. Thank you for accepting me even despite my flaws, and thank you for being my friend through the years. (I love you more than Sunflower 🙂 I could type an entire essay about you, but…I will just talk to you in person.
S: Yes, you. You probably have no clue that I mean you. Thank you for driving hours for me; I really appreciate it. Thank you for letting me listen to 33, and thank you for trying to adopt more of a creative lifestyle. I enjoy the fast food and the cooking shows.
A: Thanks for listening to my very, very random rants. Thanks for the compliments and the kind words, and thank you for making me laugh. Also, thanks for accepting my terrible song recommendations and for accepting my manic moods (even the dancing ones).
H: Thank you for being caring and understanding, and thank you, also, for the meaningful conversations. You were the first person here that I talked to, and I still appreciate you. Thank you for procrastinating with me (although you are much more organized), and thank you for saying good morning back. I appreciate the peace signs and the “I am here for you”s as well.
K: Thank you for your advice and all of your general help. Thank you for sitting outside with me at the beginning, and thank you for suffering with me during fifth block. You are literally the “king of kool” (sorry, I had to). Thank you for the conversations that randomly progressed into hour-long rants and whatnot.
M: Thanks for the laughs and the loud music (“I can hear the music bouncing off someone’s eardrums”).
S: Thanks for being so nice. I appreciate the compliments and your personality in general. Thank you, also, for being such a model.
B: Thank you for gracing my eyes with yellow everyday. I also appreciate your interesting personality and your humor.
M: You are literally the sweetest person ever. I admire your relentless optimism, and I will actually let you hug me (which is a compliment). You put so much effort into everything you do, and you bring a lot of joy to the day. Thank you for being so personable and warm.
B: I can not fit everything into one small paragraph, but thank you for everything. Thank you for being the person that you are. I appreciate the laughs and thoughtful silence, and I appreciate the times spent tripping over concrete stairs and dodging tree limbs. Thank you for talking to me over fries that taste like sadness, and thank you for sharing a good portion of your time with me. I love listening to every idea, every thought, every creation. And I appreciate every bit of effort. Thanks for sharing your colorful personality and helping me appreciate life more.
E: You are, by far, one of the most interesting characters that I have ever met. I appreciate you so, so much. Thank you for being so relatable even though we are different. I love talking to you for hours even if it make me crash (but my mood is bettered, so that is what matters). You have such an amazing energy, and a smile scatters across my face when I see you. Thank you for your help, compliments, time, energy, etc. I appreciate you so much, and I am glad that I got to know you. I appreciate all dimensions of your personality, and I hope you continue to be a beautiful individual.
Mozart: Okay, I thought this was more fitting. Thank you for Thursday nights and some lunches, and thank you for becoming an unexpected friend. I enjoyed bonding with you during our time spent in Cooper, terrorizing stuffed animals. Thank you for making me laugh a lot, and thank you for all of your conversations. You are a really colorful and multi-dimensional character (and a prodigy, haha).
All in all, thank you guys for surviving this journey of a post. How was your 2019? Do you ever assign an upcoming year a “focus word?” Anyway, I believe that I have typed way too much…
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
A little bit of yellow encourages feelings related to happiness, but too much may result in feelings related to stress. Think about it (ex: road signs, caution tape, etc.)
Well, hello. I hope that you are having a very merry December so far. Personally, I love Christmas, so seeing the arrival of the season sparks a lot of happiness in my soul. I like having a tiny tree in my room, & I plan on making some ornaments whenever I have the time. & I like dancing to “Last Christmas” by Wham! while drinking hot chocolate (with marshmallows, of course) outside in the freezing winds of wrath. But, anyway, I hope all of you can keep up with work before the holidays. Eat lots of cookies & stuff. (:
Lately, everything feels “&”, so I decided to write something guided by the symbol. It may not make sense, but I often assign abstract concepts vague names. For instance, I had a feeling I could only name as “triangle.” Now I associate that feeling with a form of anxiety, but “triangle” still holds relevance. Shapes, colors, numbers, & words (heck, even letters) mean a lot to me. I often ask people what color their day was, & the responses are even better when they verge from a simple, “blue”, or whatnot. For instance, I love hearing something along the lines of, “burnt bread & melted purple crayons”. I made up that example, but I have gotten a lot of wonderful responses. I feel like we restrict ourselves way too much, & I like seeing people break out of the different boxes that confine them. & for me, personally, flat descriptions & interpretations form a box that I do not want to be trapped in. So lately, I have allowed myself to step beyond a few meaningless boundaries, & that has made a tremendous difference. My work means more to me.
a disheveled arrange of thought:
&
Lately I have realized that the concept of “or” does not exist in some circumstances. To clarify, past or present does not exist; today or tomorrow does not exist; & to have either a cookie or a donut does not exist. To explain my meaning behind each of these, I mean that you can not have one or the other.
I: The present can never stand alone; it can never be separated from the past. Actually, when exactly is the past? One second ago & so on? Therefore, by this logic, the present exists only now (wait, nevermind, now it lives in the past). I feel that, instead of having “past or present”, we have “past & present”. The past affects my present tremendously, also, so of course.
II: “Today or tomorrow” does not exist. Yes, today is today, today is now, today is the present. But when will tomorrow arrive? How far away does it lie ahead? How many seconds of the present does it take to reach it? I believe in “tomorrow & today” because every tomorrow becomes today. Either we will never reach tomorrow, or today is, in fact, an infinite tomorrow.
III: Life proves as nothing else but a series of decisions & consequences. Will you choose the coffee or the donut? Does the other one still exist? Would it have ever existed? Could it exist? Decisions make my brain hurt. I think that life gives us both the cookie & the donut. Maybe we separate them too much. Maybe they are not meant to be separated. Maybe I am overthinking this.
I like “&” a lot because it feels like life & stuff.
Yes, the concept of an “or” exists in some ways, but in a general view of existence (from my perspective) it does not.
I like living in a simultaneous world, a world of tomorrow & today, a world of the past & the present.
I like realizing that I am not an either/or version of past & present, but I am constructed of both.
I like thinking about how we do not necessarily have to pick one thing over the other. We do not necessarily have to be one thing over the other. We do not necessarily have to listen to one thing over the other. You can eat the cookie & the donut; you can wear pastel colors & skeleton designs; you can follow the warning voice & the accepting voice.
To answer your question about the donut or the cookie, I think that you should make a cookie-donut sandwich somehow & then take a nap.
(I apologize for this monstrosity.)
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
Human beings are not machines; rest is important. Please do not pull any all-nighters or work constantly because your brain can not compute efficiently while half-charged. I know I just disproved my first statement a bit, but you probably indirectly consider yourself a machine, anyway, if you need to hear this. I am speaking your language, then.
Wow, only one month remains until the long-awaited year of 2020. This semester has passed by so fast, and I find that ridiculous. Anyway…
Well, before I picked through ambiguous journal entries, I was convinced that this month had ended before it had begun. Wrong. I had almost no recollection of anything I read. But I shall present you the basic outline of November that I pieced together.
I had a “blah” beginning, so to say, but November is kind of a “blah” month. I am fond of fall, but the season unravels far too quickly, giving to the fringes of winter (which I hate). Being honest, though, who likes leafless trees and conflicted temperatures? I kind of dislike winter, but at least it leads to the hope of snow. November only seeks to drive one mad. Okay, I am being a little dramatic. I would rather this than summer. But, yes, the beginning felt kind of like the weather. A little bit changed, especially the time (the time changed was very significant). And, most importantly, being here at MSA did not feel as surreal as it once did. I have sunken into some kind of comfortable routine, which I like. And I feared that I would resort to a disheveled disaster, but I am more organized than ever. I fear the organization; I have arranged some salt packets into rows.
Although the beginning did not prove itself to be spectacular, I liked November. The uncertainties that clung to me during October flaked off, kind of like the dead and dying leaves, I guess 😕 . I hate feeling trapped in a relentless storm of confusion.
I read a good book that restored my opinion of Michael Crichton.
I could not go outside as much because of sad weather.
I developed an addiction to tea. I guess it curbs my coffee addiction somewhat.
And I have begun to listen to way too much music.
But, all of this aside, I liked November’s philosophies. One in particular stood out to me, and I only recently found a name for it due to a positive psychology article. Recently, I have realized just how crucial a role gratitude plays. I have been a lot happier this year, and part of that is because of gratitude. For quite some time, I lived with potent pessimism, letting each day roll over me like an intolerable steamroller of cycling routine-doom. I did, however, possess an appreciation for the “little moments” in life, which I called smiles and friendliness and the savory bits of existence (like tacos). But now, I have more gratitude toward what I have because, after all, I have so much. A few constants remain such as stress and nerves and negativity, but a nice environment and such help retain some balance. Now, I would rather spend my days in a coffee place with a corgi wearing a sombrero, surrounded by everything I love, but my environment is comfortable and without toxicity. To summarize this hefty paragraph, having more gratitude has helped me so much. I no longer wake up every morning to face the steamroller of routine, but I wake to see what the day presents. Although I am often tired and cynical, abiding by this mindset has changed my quality of living. That sounds so “whatever” (hah), but I love looking up into the sky and feeling full (this is a metaphorical statement).
I hope that you all find gratitude in your daily life. It is not easy and you can not simply “choose” happiness, but feelings of contentment lie in reach; I hope all of you can hold on to such feelings. Life can feel incredibly cruel and then mundane at times, but the color is there, I promise. Persevere so that you may someday persevere more easily, and never shred the good in you.
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
November is the official month-long holiday of the valiant sport known as leaf-crunching.
Now that we have that painful introduction out of the way, I want to say Happy Thanksgiving! If you do not celebrate, Happy Last Thursday of November! I encourage everyone to consume a larger portion of food than usual. If you normally drink one cup of coffee every morning, drink ten. If you drink ten cups of coffee every morning, drink twelve. And do not fret about the mathematics, also, because I am merely listing two examples sharing the basic arithmetic of this suggestion. But, all jokes aside, please eat something cool. I do not care if cough drops stand as your only sustenance; empty a whole bag at once.
Now I will speak of my own Thanksgiving traditions…I eat food at places with people. Ah, tradition! Sorry, I almost crossed a line there. I do not want to reveal too much about my personal life. I hope you guys understand. Imagine people knowing what food I eat, gasp…the audacity of me!
Anyway, I felt conflicted about the concept of this post. I considered having fun with an exercise exploring the stream of consciousness method. I also considered focusing my blog, in general, on food reviews. And I questioned the possibility of a second post ranting about music; but, have no fear, I decided not to plunge into that pool of questionable depth. So…drumroll…What did I decide to do?
…a post in which I write whatever.
Now, I also considered ranting about a theory I recently developed, but I will need to conduct research first. To provide a sneak-peek, however, it deals with shedding light on subtleties in decision-making.
(Hah, I sound so pretentious. For those of you who do not know me: This is the same person who wants a taco piñata for Christmas.)
Anyway, I shall now “begin.”
Prepare thyself for an onslaught of disorganization.
Fall has stood as my favorite season for quite some time, by the way. When it arrives, summer has lasted decades, and I hate the sun. But fall means the return of elements I adore: warm beverages, turtlenecks, comfortable weather, and Kleenexes (note: this is not a paid promotion). I love the colors and the overall texture of the season, and I write a good bit of poems based upon my love for fall. But, like everything, there are a lot of downsides to fall. It seems quite indecisive, among other things. The picture shown above was taken about a week ago. Shortly after, all of the leaves fell off in a single night. Ah, my favorite season.
We need to stop and pay attention to details more. The little moments in existence amount to so much. A somewhat controversial philosophical outlook I have is that the minor happenings in life surpass the major, characterizing life more densely. Yes, I do believe that grand moments contain such rich importance, but this is my general opinion. When asked to recall significant happenings, we may think of events concerning weighted topics like life or death. Why can’t a “significant happening” also be a smile? a word? a taco?
Do you harbor a discernible disliking of humans, primarily due to their means of communication (ex: shouting, laughing loudly, randomly dancing the Macarena)? Well, you are in luck! Befriend a plant today, free of emotional and physical charge!
(Warning: Serious emotions associated with grief may result after the death of a plant. Also, some plants have to be purchased with paper and circular metals.)
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
2+2=5
Just kidding.
Brachiosaurus, named by Elmer Riggs, literally means “arm lizard”.
I listen to a good bit of music, my taste even encompassing a lot of classical. But, most of all, I enjoy music from the eighties, specifically what falls under the new wave category. A lot of times people overlook these gems. When recalling this era of song, I feel that most fail to go past Journey, Queen, Michael Jackson, and Cyndi Lauper. I like the music of all of these artists, but so much more exists.
(Continue reading for 100% accurate reviews by a certified musicologist)
The only way I can characterize new wave music from the eighties—as well as similar music in like genres—is this: sad or dark lyrics guided by a plot and backed by upbeat synth and random instruments. Granted, a lot of songs with discernibly positive lyrics exist under this category, but that is my general observation. And, as for the instruments, I can only say that bands either consist of the following: four members playing synthesizers while singing, two guitarists singing with a drummer and a synth player, or a drummer backing two singers that play guitar, synth, and random objects. I would also like to add that violin, saxophone, xylophone, and other instruments accompany the traditional ones, often. And, of course, how could I forget a bass guitar played with a bow?
Although I can not accurately describe the sound any further, I would like to give lyric examples. Hopefully, after reading a few of them, you may understand how poetic and underrated they are. I also encourage you to listen to the songs themselves. The lyrics only tell part of the story, and they pair beautifully with the instrumental voices.
(I apologize in advance)
Tears For Fears:
You probably know “Mad World”, which, surprisingly many people have no idea they sing it. They also sing “Shout” and “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, which are both recognizable classics.
(a few lyrics from “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”:
“Welcome to your life/ There’s no turning back/ Even while we sleep/ we will find You/ acting on your best behavior/ Turn your back on mother nature/ Everybody wants to rule the world”)
Another well-known song they have is “Head Over Heels.”
(a few lyrics from “Head Over Heels”:
“But traditions I can trace against the child in your face/ Won’t escape my attention”)
Eurythmics:
They sing two familiar classics: “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” and “Here Comes the Rain Again”. The second is personally my favorite of the two.
(a few lyrics from “Here Comes the Rain Again”:
“Here comes the rain again/ Falling on my head like a memory/ Falling on my head like a new emotion/…Here comes the rain again/ Raining in my head like a tragedy/ Tearing me apart like a new emotion”)
The Cure:
Now, they sing a good bit of definite classics. Not only is their sound musical poetry itself, but, wow, the lyrics. Everyone should know at least three of their songs because these guys were a major influence on the music and culture during this era. Although they exceed new wave, you would have to have an interesting opinion to not consider them as one of the most notable figures of this genre. Well-known songs include the following: “Friday I’m in Love”, “Pictures of You”, “Lovesong”, “Boys Don’t Cry”, “A Forest”, and more. All of these songs consist of poetic lyrics, but I only have time for one.
(a few lyrics from “Pictures of You”:
“Remembering you fallen into my arms/ Crying for the death of your heart/ You were stone white/ So delicate/ Lost in the cold/ You were always so lost in the dark”)
To conclude this post, I would like to say a few words. I apologize for any errors in the lyrics, and I also apologize for grouping some late eighties and early nineties music with the rest. They still carry an “eighties air”, I guess—although some of them serve as significant precursors for the nineties, but I do not want to delve too much into that. Again, although I have my musicologist credentials, I am only 100% certified, so I hope you pardon my scattered interpretation of these songs. Anyway, thank you for reading this; have a nice day. I hope you will listen to at least one of these songs, as they deserve some appreciation. Peace out.
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
In Spanish, two “l’s” together are pronounced like a “y” in English. It makes you question the pronunciation of the word llama, does it not?
The third month of my time at MSA has drawn to a close. Although October had the consistency of frozen oatmeal, it seems as if I typed my September post only days ago. I feel like this is rather consistent with the majority of the population, though.
Nothing catastrophic occurred during October. I did not spontaneously explode into a million specks of tragedy. I did not succumb to a mysterious disease of the mind. I did not wake up and find myself stranded in an ocean infested with pizza-shark hybrids. But the month was, indeed, a month. I woke up every single day, and then I went back to sleep (for the most part). And can you believe that I was up to my old tricks? Yeah, I spent those thirty-one days respiring and digesting like an absolute crazy person. And, guess what? I even let my blood circulate.
Gasp.
I apologize for the horrors presented in the paragraph above. I promise that I will now attempt to keep my audience in mind. By the way, I would like to thank each and every one of my viewers. You guys read words, and I find that super cool.
But, enough jokes aside, October did prove a pleasant surprise at points. I found the weather most exciting. Since I despise exceedingly warm temperatures and sometimes think of the sun as my antagonist, I found the sudden change in weather quite glorious. I know that I will miss the sun when all of the trees seem dead and decrepit, but I do not care at this point. Summer lasts literally ages compared to other, better seasons. And although the natural world can be oh so decadent during the warmer months, it can be even more flavorful during the fall. The earth flaunts its last bit of flora before the frost, and the trees fade in satisfying shades of color. Later, the leaves pepper the ground like little freckles. I am especially fond of the yellow leaves because they seem so acidic, like lemons. Anyway, pieces of my favorite kind of weather accompanied October, and I hope it lingers. I hope no absurd flashes of warm weather puncture it either.
October had a theme of beauty. More so, it had a theme of fighting to feel this beauty. Life, although apathetic to the strife of the individual, seems as if it seeks to ruin you. It seems as if it seeks to corrode your skin and your mind and your appreciation. We all exist in such an elaborate painting of existence, but the paint feels cracked and muddled at some points. At others, the paint seems to glow. When running is smooth and the road is even smoother, everything exists in a bright and yellow fashion. But feet fall flat and sink into cracked concrete, and the sky flings wrath down in the form of lashing raindrops. The trees relinquish their leaves which saturate the ground like deferred dreams. But living means appreciating this instead of solely trusting in the sun and its light and its happiness. You can not think of the world with a smile only when it treats you well, as living is a fight to feel filled with beauty. Living is a fight in itself, but it is also a fight for possession of appreciation.
All in all, October has been a month, indeed. I have compared this year’s situation to last year’s quite a bit, and I see evidence of growth. I hope this trend continues.
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(:
(main album cover)
(1983)
(main album cover…Roland (left) and Curt (right))
(official album cover…my favorite)
(Ugh, true art)
