2026: My Most Dreaded Year

I’ve written about the new year about three different times, and I don’t think I’m going to stop anytime soon, even a month in. 2026 is going to be my biggest year yet: I’m graduating high school, I’m starting college, I’m traveling, and– I’m graduating high school?

I’ve heard the phrase “Class of 2026” for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t understand what it actually meant until elementary school. 

“Class of 2026 means you’re graduating in the year 2026,” my extremely patient teacher told me probably after I walked up to her during recess.

“What’s graduating?” I probably asked her, like an idiot.

“It’s when you’re done with school and maybe go to college.”

“Why would we do that?”

I already knew I was going to become the girl that I am today: terrified of growing up and unhealthily attached to the past. When I turned eight, I thought I wanted to be six years old forever. And then I turned ten and wanted to be eight years old forever. That continued until I became a teenager and realized I would never want to live in objectively the worst, most awkward stage of my life any longer than I had to. 

But I couldn’t fathom a time in my life where I didn’t go to school. Obviously I knew adults that were out of school with jobs and kids, but I never imagined that being me. I thrived off of getting good grades, taking notes, and showing off my report card. So I became terrified of graduating and with that, the phrase “Class of 2026”. I would hold back tears when the teacher went on long rants about preparing us for college and I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate.

I avoided the phrase until middle school when I decided that 2026 was so far away there was no reason to worry about it in the first place. I shrugged off the phrase whenever it was mentioned and I breezed through middle school only focusing on the present. I’d say it was an alright time. Then high school arrived…

I was in concert band, so I got the chance to meet and get close to seniors as a freshman. And in May, I attended a graduation ceremony for the first time. It was only when I was sitting in the second row of woodwinds, clutching my oboe in my sweaty hands, in the middle of playing “Pomp and Circumstance”, I realized that I would be walking that same stage in less than four years.  That’s when the fear came back. 

I would get nauseous when I imagined myself in a cap and gown and, again, I would cover my ears when my friends talked about how excited they were to graduate. It was like I slipped right back into the elementary school version of myself – terrified of growing up, constantly avoiding the phrase. But I couldn’t stop time, so my sophomore year came and went, then I left to come to MSA.

I certainly feel different about graduating now. Not only am I going to be walking across a completely different stage, but I’m actually excited to graduate. I don’t mean MSA isn’t serving me anymore, it’s not like that at all. I really enjoy being at MSA and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean the future has so much that I’m extremely excited for. And graduating is the first step to getting closer to that. 

I would shock my elementary school self by saying that I’m completely comfortable with the idea of graduating, maybe even my middle school self too. I don’t avoid it, brush it off, or completely crumble at the thought of it anymore. I’m equally as happy with the present as I am excited for the future. There is so much here and there is so much waiting for me at the same time. After hearing “Class of 2026” my whole life, and having very complicated feelings about it, I’m excited to confront the phrase head on by taking it to heart and holding it above my head when I walk across that stage in May.

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I originally meant for this to be more on my feelings about 2026 and what it’s like being a part of the Class of 2026. I think, somehow, I hit the target enough to be happy with this and what I’ve said. There’s a lot to be said about the time passing between first discovering what Class of 2026 actually meant and now finally earning that title but I highly doubt I’m emotionally ready to go in depth about that. But it’s really beautiful when you can actively watch yourself change and see how much you’ve grown. I hope I continue to be this conscious of my growth and the way time passes when I enter, and eventually graduate, college. Honestly, I just can’t wait for my brain to fully develop and travel, have my own place, and achieve all my goals. I think I just dislike being a teenager, which is weird. If you asked 16-year-old Steph anything, she would tell you about how much she loved being a teen girl completely unprompted. It’s really funny the way we change in such a short amount of time.