What makes me ‘me’??

One of the weirdest questions you can ask someone is, “What makes you you?”

Not your favorite color, not your music taste, not what you order at your favorite restaurant, I mean you.

Because your body changes, your hair changes, your face changes, your clothes change, your opinions change, and even your personality can change so much that you can look back at an old picture of yourself and think, yikes..Who even was that? Even though, obviously, you still know that was you.

The little kid who hated veggies, an awkward middle-school version of you, the person you are right now, the person you might be ten years from now. They’re all supposed to be the same person. Which I find strange. 

Because like, imagine this,  someone loses most of their memories. Would they still be you? Obviously, they would still have your body, but what if the things that made you feel like you were gone?

Or imagine replacing parts of your body one by one, a new heart, a new kidney, maybe someday, somehow, even parts of a brain. At what point would you stop being you? Who even gets to decide that?

That’s where the whole idea of a soul becomes interesting to me. There is something comforting about believing that underneath all the physical stuff, there is a part of you that isn’t constantly being replaced. That thing doesn’t disappear every time you change your mind, grow older, lose a memory, or become a completely different version of yourself.

Because I don’t think I’m just my face. I’m not my hair, or my height, or my voice, or the body I happen to have right now. I’m not even entirely my personality, because my personality has changed before. I’m sure it will change again. I’m a collection of memories and feelings and mistakes and dreams, but even those things don’t seem like enough.

There has to be something underneath all of that, no?

I believe that’s why the thought of a soul has lasted for so long. People have been asking these questions for thousands and thousands of years because nobody can really point to one specific thing and say, There. Right there. That’s the exact piece of me that makes me me.

Being a person isn’t as simple as having the right body or remembering the right things. There’s a part of us that can’t be measured or photographed or held in someone’s mere hands. Something that makes you look at an old photograph and say, “That’s me,” even though almost everything about you has changed. 

Anyways, that’s all from me

Okay love you, bye bye!

I Miss My Coworkers

Guys, I genuinely miss my coworkers so freaking much. I spent over two months getting so close to everyone, and now with my being in school, I see them once in a blue moon. It’s not like I can really text them or anything since I don’t have their numbers because I was used to just seeing them everyday. I miss all the inside jokes and the laughter before opening, the nicknames and the trips to yayas frozen yogurt once my shift was up. I had such memorable experiences with them all and it’s sad to me that I don’t get to be around them as much.

What really helped my separation anxiety from them was getting to see them all over the past weekend. Once Zoe heard I was only making a hundred bucks even though it would be a busy football weekend, she simply handed me a wad of ones wrapped in a rubber band. I honestly felt bad that she did it, but she insisted. Towards the end of my shift my other coworker Treyce handed me ten bucks and a firm pat on the shoulder. I always feel so loved when it comes to being around them all.

As the shift progressed, we all realized it wasn’t nearly as bad as we all had thought it would be—and not as bad as the previous day had been. That’s not to say it was slow, no, I mean we had a line out the door a few times, but that was quickly managed. From what I heard, the day before had had a line out the door practically all day and everyone was far too busy to notice the security guard they had hired from a company, who was acting as hostess, was taking money from customers to put them on a nonexistent waitlist.

I’m kinda glad it wasn’t busy, to be honest. That way, I got more time to just talk with my coworkers and catch up on things. Luckily, most of my favorites were on shift with me so I got the best of all worlds. Oh, and Ava came to see me. Once it really died down and was considerably slow, I invited her over since she was already in Oxford anyway. Her parents came, too. All four of us just sat down in a booth and ordered a little food, talked, and I introduced her to the coworkers I’d been telling her all about for almost two months. I already miss everyone, though, if I’m being honest. 



Back Where They Started

 

 

Hey guys! Today we are going to talk about the things that happened after the French Revolution.

 

After the Reign of Terror, France struggled under the Directory (a five member executive government).  The Directory faced corruption, political conflict, economic difficulties, and continuing war.

 

Napoleon Bonaparte gained fame through successful military campaigns and became increasingly influential. In 1799, Napoleon helped overthrow the Directory in the Coup of 18 Brumaire. He became First Consul and gradually concentrated political authority in his own hands. In 1804, Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of the French, showing that the Revolution had moved from monarchy to republic to a new form of personal rule.

 

Napoleon made a lot of changes, some were a benefit to the citizens and some weren’t.

 

The Napoleonic Code was created to have a more uniform legal system. It strengthened equality before the law for men, protected property, and weakened remnants of feudal
privilege.

 

Napoleon strengthened the national government and appointed officials to administer France more consistently.

 

The state expanded secondary education and created institutions designed to train officials and military officers.

 

Napoleon reached an agreement with the Catholic Church that restored religious stability while keeping the state in a strong position.


Political opposition was restricted, censorship was used, and Napoleon controlled much of the political system. Revolutionary equality did not mean political democracy.

 

During Napoleon’s spread of liberalism  he introduced many ideas.

 

Property Rights — Private property became more protected

 

Merit — Government and military advancement became
merit based

Administration — Government became centralized

 

Contradiction — Legal liberalism didn’t mean political liberalism. He censored his opposition and ruled as an emperor.

 

 Nationalism — a political idea and feeling of strong loyalty to one’s country. It holds that a group of people who share the same culture, language, or history should rule themselves in their own independent land.

 

German lands — Resistance to French rule encouraged ideas of greater unity among German speaking nations. The lead to the eventual unification of Germany.

 

A bunch of powerful people that didn’t like Napoleon came together and made the “Congress of Vienna”.

 

The Congress met after Napoleon’s first defeat and continued after his final defeat in 1815. Britain, Austria, Russia, Prussia, and eventually France were central to the settlement. They wanted to prevent another Napoleon so they redrew borders and restored monarchies. The settlement showed that Europe has conservative fears about more revolution.

 

The Congress of Vienna aimed to create stability, create balance, establish nationalism, and establish liberalism.

 

That’s it for today guys.. See you next time!

Being 17

So it’s my birthday as I’m writing this, even though it’ll be posted tomorrow, and I kinda just want to talk about this past year of my life. 

I don’t feel any sort of way about being 17. I mean, it’s not a milestone, and nothing special has really happened besides getting some gifts from my favorite people before they made the lunch room sing happy birthday. (Jaci and maci, I’ll get you.)

I will list what I’ve gotten today since I’m eternally grateful to the people in my life for even considering getting me stuff.

So from my son Ej, I got a guitar pick, earrings, a monster energy, two figurines, a bracelet, and a little blind box plushie.

From Taliyah, the vocal, I got two bags of bulbasaur goldfish and two of the small monster energies. (Along with a cake she’s baking for me.)

From my favorite lesbian, Maci, I got a pack of bug stibbas (stickers.)

From Journee… nothing… (I kid, I just didn’t see her this morning. I don’t even want anything from her.)

From Jaci/Livi, we’re going to Hot Topic and she’s getting me a Smiling Friends plushie.

From my boyfriend, I’ll be getting Demonia boots. (I won’t see him till Saturday at the earliest.)

From Leo, I got a card with a drawing of a weevil on the front with a pokemon card taped inside and also a kandi bracelet (I love you Leo <3)

From Tulassi I got a crystal bracelet and a little note (I also love you Tulassi <3)

And then so so many “happy birthdays” from all of my friends from my old school and this school.

Now that I’ve yapped and bragged, I wanna talk a little about the last year. 

I’ve written about this past year before in this class, but it was so amazing that of course I’m gonna write even more.

In the past year I’ve met some of my favorite people and found friends and a boyfriend who truly love me and care about me. 

Even coming here I’ve somehow been able to make friends with you guys (which is a massive achievement for me if I’m being completely honest)

I’ve had so many experiences that have shaped who I am and I will be forever grateful for the chance to have those experiences.

Even though I’m leaving behind one of the best years of my life, I’m going into this next year with newer, deeper connections that I know will keep me grounded.

I love all of you so so much and I can’t possibly describe how happy you all make me.

Love you all <3 

BYE–

im so normal about stomach book

Hello guys!!!! Your gonna hear about my favorite music artist ever ever I literally just wrote about her in my personal essay STOMACH BOOK AHHH I LOVE STOMACH BOOK!!!!!

I had to be at least kinda professional in the essay but I don’t have to be professional here oh my god you don’t get how much I love her music. Every album is SO GOOD I DON’T CARE and I will be honest I don’t like EVERY song. Cough fukuona girl remix. Cough. But please I love every album I’m gonna tell you what I think of them going from least fav album to fav including the singles and I’m also ranking each song. I’m gonna preface this with I relistened to every album and single for this as well as debated these rankings with a friend so this IS biased and not objective what so ever.

First off, her first and self titled album: STOMACH BOOK.

I will say its not my least favorite because its BAD it just doesn’t have that many songs that I’d consider like top 5, MAYBE top 10. But they’re still good.

For ranking 1 being the best the last number being the worst, if I have a reason for it being at that ranking I’ll specify that

  1. All you can hope for now are the scars to show for it!!! – honestly I never really liked this one for a while I don’t know why, its SO good. I love the instrumental and the lyrics specifically the line “forgive, don’t forget” idk it sounds so nice to me. Also since I’ve watched the documentary of their most recent tour it has it a place in my heart forever. I know I said this is my least favorite album but this is currently my favorite song.
  2. Animals – this used to be my favorite song out of all of them, I’ve outgrown it since but it still holds a special place in my heart
  3. Folie à Deux – same with animals, was one of my favorites and I still like it, its just sentimental to me
  4. We all fall down
  5. Requiem
  6. Devils
  7. Our story – this and past isn’t bad but they all do this thing where they have really screechy parts and it HURTS when I have my headphones on which is 90% of the time so points deducted
  8. Lullaby for an angels egg pt 2
  9. Greetings from oblivion! We hope to see you soon!
  10. Lullaby for an angels egg pt 1

next in line: GOODNIGHT HYPNOPOMP

I love this whole album. Its her most recent one and I’ve listened to it an unhealthy amount of times since then, though it came out like a year ago. This was the main album that got me into stomach book, specifically the first song.

  1. BAMBI – you don’t understand how much I LOVE this song. Ive been listening to it since the single came out and the album version was so much better. Its SO good. Zombae is also on it and it got me listening to more of her music too. Pls listen to Bambi.
  2. Nothing Special – objectively one of their best songs to me.
  3. My Diorama – ties with nothing special
  4. FUKOUNA GIRL – you’ve heard this. Its so overplayed but it got popular for a REASON.
  5. SICK SICK SICK – honestly someone I HATE used to love this song so I hated it for a while but I don’t talk to them anymore and its so good I love it. The chorus is probably my fav
  6. Let You Down – tbh if you listen to it idk if you’ll like it. Its 9 minutes long and very repetitive and a lot of it is just instrumentals but u just don’t GET it…
  7. Paper Dolls
  8. Running away – im just not as attached to this and lower
  9. But Not for me
  10. Its Magic!

 

Last but certainly not least, for albums at least: SOPHMORE SLUMP CALLITHUMP

Ironically I listened to this a lot during sophomore year, but anyway oh my god I cant describe how good it still is. Id say it isn’t as good as goodnight hypnopomp but also I have so much personal bias to it I just. Can’t do it.

  1. DEVIL NOBODY – I cannot express to you how much I love this. Objectively not the best but personally Its been top 3 since it first grazed my ears. And to be honest I’m biased to songs with zombae on them.
  2. Tragedy – its more recently become a favorite of mine, but aghgh idk I love it im so bad at describing what I like but specifically with this its instrumentals. And totally not because I associate it with one of my bestest friends ever ahhaa totally not that guys.
  3. Break Up
  4. anarchy!!!!
  5. Heartbeat
  6. Playing pretend
  7. Casket Kids – I like casket kids but objectively not as good as the others and I just can’t let it be higher than 5
  8. December 10th 2021, 11:57pm – ouugh gotta save this one.
  9. Are You Waiting?
  10. METANOIA – I will say metanoia isn’t BAD but I have no personal bias to this specifically and its just not on the same level as how good everything else is.

For singles there aren’t too many, majority just songs she was featured on with other artists or made in collaboration

cover for 123
  1. 123 (the longest dream) – this might be top 5 overall honestly.
  2. Cavity – idk how I overlooked cavity for so long its so good I love the instrumental
  3. anarchy!!! (single version) – all that’s different is the audio mixing but I LOVE it maybe better than the album version
  4. Circus bent
  5. BAMBI (single version) – its missing like an entire verse
  6. CASKET KIDS (single version) – same with anarchy, all that’s different is the audio mixing
  7. Any other single that was featured on an album later – they all sound the same as the album version to me honestly.
  8. Good luck gray
  9. One, Two, Death
  10. Go home
  11. Killing stalking – astrid made this and I just don’t like astrids music
  12. I Spat Blood at God! – I don’t care for it and any of them past this
  13. Well This Sucks
  14. CIRCUS
  15. Fukouna girl (remix) – this is just. Horrible. You could not pay me less than 100$ to keep this on a playlist, genuinely the only stomach book song I cant STAND

 

 That’s all for rankings !!! If I do this again I might do it with zombAe, femtanyl, brn1ng brain sound industries, (un)familiar, or jibral which was just stomach books name before stomach book . They all have significantly shorter discographies but they aren’t TOO much different. Or maybe one of the other one million artists I like. Also to end this off don’t listen to ANY of this if u don’t like loud or experimental or probably objectively bad music. I promise my music taste isn’t trash this is just the more questionable side

That is everything!!!! I have a headache from how much music I’ve listened to and from how long I’ve been staring at this screen, and its also currently 2 in the morning.  Im going to sleep, goodbye from 2am Saturday Leo and hello to Thursday literay’s!!!! (that is if I don’t edit and remove this part)

Dr. Sudduth

For years now, I’ve been dreaming of the title “Dr.” being by my name, never “Mrs.” Of course, getting married and maybe even having kids one day is something I would consider an achievement, but not a priority. This priority that I have is making sure I’m fulfilled in this lifetime, while also helping others. The way I want to help people is through mental health support. I know how important it is to be incorporated into society—especially since I was one of the many people who suffer from the lack of it.

Now that I’m a junior in high school, I’m really starting to understand that I don’t have a lot of time left. I’ve been trying to focus more on my schoolwork and refining the things that I’m good at, but I can’t help but feel this anxiety within. I’d say that I’m nervous to start living—I mean, I am living, but what I mean is taking full control of my life. Like, the fact that whatever I do from now on is going to affect me in the long run.

Everyone tells me I’m so responsible, so resilient, so confident. Everyone is so sure that I’ll be successful and make a minimum of six figures. They don’t realize I’m fragile like them, so they expect the best from me. With my timidness, my stutter, the way I cry at minor inconveniences. (I’m working on that.) What if I let them down?

It may not even be me letting them down. What if the world comes crashing down, and I can’t become Dr. Sudduth? Psychology is a male-dominated profession after all, and I’m just a black girl from a small town in Mississippi. Sometimes I feel like it’s not even worth trying to aim that far in life. It’s rigorous, competitive, and grueling, so what if I fall out of love with it at the last second? Right before I become Dr. Sudduth, I suddenly don’t want to be her anymore.

The idea of falling out of love with my passion or letting everyone down is truly haunting, but I’m not going to let it hinder me. Simply because of my own story. How I grew up, the people around me, and the community I live in (and for some reason still have love for) fuel my love for psychology. I know that getting help and recovering from trauma, yet still being a good person, exists because I am living proof of that. I have every right to be inconsiderate, ill-mannered, and downright violent, but I don’t choose to feed into that negativity.

Instead, I chose to work on myself and be kind to those around me. I know everybody goes through hell, so why not be a place for hurting people to heal? The thought of a child like me struggling to survive hurts me in a way I cannot explain. Maybe I have a soft spot for kids—maybe I am soft. Either way, I know helping people is something I’ve been called to do. 

So, whenever I do get to become Dr. Sudduth, I will make sure that I stay dedicated to my work. Doing research for black and brown women’s mental health (since no one else wants to). Maybe I’ll open my own practice. Or work for the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Maybe I’ll even get married and have kids of my own one day.

Probably…

 

New Character Fixation ∘ ∘ ∘ ( °ヮ° ) ?

In my last post, I’ve talked about me officially getting back into Identity V. Over the time from the post, I have gotten an interest of one of the newer characters introduced into the big IDV. Finsen Hunter (His identity in the game is “Dentist”).

Story pin image

I honestly thought he was a nothing burger. I only gained a little interest because I obtained his character in-game. Then I played him. He was a chip hunter and I love love loveeee chip hunters. Also, his design is interesting as I noticed his left arm is restrained by white belts along with the black substance on his arm.

Sooo let’s dive into some of the characteristics and a little background of him.


“Born with congenital insensitivity to pain, Finsen Hunter became obsessed with the warped images created by refracting lenses. Through his deranged light therapy experiments and fixation on his “deciduous teeth,” he seeks proof that his own existence is real.” – Finsen Hunter’s Final Rumor through completing deductions (In-game)


Identity V takes place around the Victorian era (1837-1901). His uniform reflects so as it is a 19th century dentist uniform.

Dentist office 1890's | Vintage medical, Medical history, Good doctor
A dental appointment in the 1800’s. The dentists seen wear the same uniform as Finsen.

Finsen was born in Scotland; his father was a dentist and his mother died while he was still young. Finsen was born with Congenital Insensitivity to Pain. Due to his insensitivity to pain, he was bullied in his younger years. The kids would try to elicit a reaction to things they consider painful. From there, he became interested in the lenses his father used during dental appointments. Finsen would tinker with it and such. His further fascination with anything dental related came from when his first tooth was pulled out without anesthesia which he didn’t feel any pain during.

Later on, into adulthood, he became a Dentist within a hospital ward in England. He was the manager of the pediatric unit. During his patient’s dental appointments, he couldn’t understand too well of the pain they were in while he pulled out a tooth. He’d mimic the reassurance he once heard his dad say while watching the patient’s expression contort. He would go on to develop something that he thought would’ve helped: Light therapy. It would be light that reflects from the lenses he took interest in to maybe soothe patients during appointments. Professionals dismissed it, but he took matters into his own hands to experiment and prove that his Light therapy could work.

There was a burn victim that was shipped to him. Finsen conditioned the burned, adult man to be obedient and non-hostile for ten years to prove that light therapy did have effects. During experimentation, patients started to disappear without a trace, that was where his studies finally gained progress. Newspapers pointed to an evil dentist being responsible for the disappearances, and a novel come out around the time that painted Finsen as the perpetrator. 

Once suspicion grew too high, a mob stormed into the hospital ward. He had to decide between running away with research and leaving the children or stay. Finsen stayed, and he sheltered the children. The mob of angry people dragged him out and threw him into a swamp where he would drown.

Now, he’s a rotting, walking corpse in search of meaning of his life. He was opened the manor’s gates to enter within and search for the research he once lost.


Now, I’ve been interested in character lore, as stated in my first blog, but this was the fastest I’ve delved into a character’s lore so I could make sense of who they are and how they’re characterized. I might draw doodles of Finsen here and there or maybe talk about him more. Playing him in-game has been fun, but also a ragebait simulator too because you get cipher rushed to death sad emoji.

Missing or Dead pt. 4: The Beginning of the End

Hey my peeps!!! This week’s blog should finish off the rest of Elijah’s story, so I hope you like it because this is the beginning of the end of Elijah’s journey. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beneath the beeping of his monitor, a soft creak sings into the room followed by an authoritative voice saying, “Ah, so you’re finally awake, Elijah.” 

His eyes fall to the entrance that only now becomes visible thanks to its movement and trace the voice back to its owner. A tall broad figure in a freshly white medical coat walks forward. The closer the figure comes before the bed, the more Elijah can make out their full appearance. Besides a tall frame, the stranger wears an elaborate stag head, the color identical to blood, and decorated with the most majestic set of royal antlers, that twist upwards and out, ending in sharp knife-like points. While this crown of antlers appears heavy, the body hosting them stands with perfect posture making them seem weightless. 

“…” Elijah wants to scream and question the person before him, yet his words play against him, getting caught in his throat. 

“Oh, come on now, cricket.” The Stag snickers, “Use your words, not your eyes. I’m no mind reader.” 

Elijah’s heart falls into a bottomless pit inside his chest, “…cricket..?” His voice chirps, “how… how do you know that name?”

The Stag’s head falls into gloved hands as he laughs; ones bound in the safety of smooth brown leather rather than a pair matching the latex ones that dangle from the pocket of the coat. “I know everything about you, Elijah.” 

“No– you shouldn’t know that name!”

“But I do. I was the one who gave you that name, Cricket.” 

“no.. you can’t be. My father died se–”

Manic laughter cuts Elijah off, as the Red Stag slams both hands, grasping the metal rails that trap Elijah in. “I NEVER DIED!” He screams. “That bastard brother of mine took you from me. You were perfect and pure. A beautiful sacrifice for Cernunnos until Riche tainted your spotless soul.” He paused, staring or searching my eyes before straightening his body once more and calming his tone with huffs of bitter breaths. “That’s not the point. I can’t use you as our sacrifice anymore, so I might as well find you a new purpose.” Once he is finished, he signals something to the farthest left corner. Not long after, Autumn and the other hind barge into this white cubed room dressed in similar coats and pushing a silver cart that chimes with surgical instruments. They push past my bed towards the back of the padded room, the lights dimming with them. Autumn appears on my right, forcing a cold syringe into my neck, pumping a burning liquid through my veins.

“Ok, Elijah. Let’s find your new purpose.” My supposed father says, grabbing a scalpel from the cart. I lose control and feeling throughout my body, and my eyes struggle to focus. Betrayal is the thing that accompanies me while my vision is encased with black and my body goes numb. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok yay! I hope you enjoyed it and let me know if you want more blogs like this or if you want rants. Peace and love my peeps. 

colors

Would you like

A peek inside my head

I stare at her

and get mixed up in

all the things she’s said

That rare genuine smile

I want to drink it in

All that sweet venom

Hope she will not consider

all her time spent

A waste

↔

the way her eyes catch 

on something just beyond mine

as though she is already

somewhere I cannot reach

↔

Would you like

to see what I see?


 

Or would you rather

I keep it to myself?

↔

Golden eye

Yellow sunset

Dandelion

Bee stripe

Desert wind

Grainy dune

Young fire

Goldfinch

Phoenix feather

Flying beneath

the midday sun

The literary wall

Headlights flashing

before you black out

Reading lamp

Five-year journal

Stinging honey

Discarded post-it note

Reading to the blind

Deaf

Dumb


 

A word pressed between the pages

A thought left under a door

Drowning in marginal spaces

Please succumb to this war

♦

Keep collecting evidence of yourself

in places no one thinks to look


 

Blood

Life

Hyacinth

Bleeding heart

Mud

Lotus

Venom

Alarm

Chapped lips

Scars

Unverified

Love

Hate

Attempts

Raging fire

Ripe clay

Birth

Death


 

Something always

growing out of something

already buried

∇

Something beautiful

with its roots

in something rotten

∇

Something poisonous

that still smells sweet

when you lean close enough


 

When you do not confront your fear head-on

It creeps up behind you

In the guise of your own

Deformed thoughts

A new pattern

Addiction

Coping mechanism

Something to justify today

and then tomorrow

and another

until the thing has learned 

the shape of your life


 

destroying you slowly

piece by piece

gnawing away at your insides

convincing you

you have no way out

you didn’t choose this

there’s nothing you can do to change

Such a liar


 

The things we refuse to acknowledge

do not disappear

they ferment

waiting in the dark

with their mouths open

Ø

they come back tenfold

screaming in your face

whispering down your throat

scratching at your stomach


 

eat me alive

spit me back out


 

Dipping in and out of consciousness

Tingling legs

stabbing


 

A body becoming unfamiliar

one sensation at a time

the room tilts

the blood rushes somewhere

I cannot follow

I tell myself to breathe

I tell myself this is only a thought

But the thought has teeth

And somewhere beneath all of it

beneath the fear

the wanting

the fire and mud

and blood and honey


 

Something is still alive

Something refusing

to be swallowed

The start of my insanity

So I have made a terrible mistake. One that, to an outside observer, seems miniscule. But trust me when I tell you that if I’m ever found dead in my room, it’ll be because my brain physically imploded. For those who don’t know, because everyone already knows that I can’t shut up, I have installed Blender. For those who super don’t know, blender is a digital modeling/ animating software that is basically used to create any game nowadays. If there is a character you like, chances are that it was created in Blender from scratch. Now I’ve messed around with basic 3d modeling for printing and other stuff, but I was woefully unprepared for what was to come with blender. To the point I questioned my entire existence and fell into a deep hole of existential depression which somehow led to me thinking about who would care if I died in that chair at that exact moment. But that’s not the important part. The important part is WHY IS THERE NO STARTER TUTORIAL IN THE SOFTWARE. Even something basic. And its bothersome because you have people who can make something like this:and here I am stuck for thirty minutes looking at a cube.Oh, and before you say “did you look up a tutorial” yes, yes i did. You want to know how long it apparently takes to teach someone how to make a doughnut? FOUR HOURS. Four hours of watching a video, and then probably another two just trying to figure out what he’s talking about. And look at how many buttons there are. I can’t remember what all these do. I can barely remember half the functions of my current laptop. So this is my position and my plea for someone to aid me in either finding a blender course that is not just a four hour video, or to make the school make one. Personally I think we’re only going to get the former here, but the latter is always an option. I mean seriously, is there no better way to learn this? Must I lock myself in a room for an entire day just to try to make a doughnut and a cup of coffee? What happened to all the easy 3d design stuff I was using before? If one such as yourself chooses to be tortured by this, go ahead and be my guest. Blender is free and I’m sure that you can find it from there. I downloaded it from steam, but I’m sure that there are plenty of other places where you can find it. And hey, maybe you can do better than me and actually start a project. Oh and if you want to spend four hours making a doughnut, I suggest you look up the tutorial for this year’s version.