Accepting Change

My plan for my last blog was to finish my “To Pimp A Butterfly” trilogy and send you all off with a little goodbye to my junior year lol, but I wasn’t able to because I underestimated how much time we actually had left. Spoiler alert, the last three songs of that album are very important. It ends on the note of acceptance, self-love, and dedication. So, now that I am unable to, I decided to just be a little personal on this one. My blogs are never really about me, but things that I enjoy or remember, and I am glad that I found that consistent theme, but that isn’t the point of this. 

Coming to MSA may have been the biggest change but best decision of my entire life. Though I’ve had my ups and downs, I have lived more this year than I have my entire life. I’ve never felt like a teenager before. I’ve spent so many of my years envious of other kids who got to live the life I wanted, but that isn’t the point either. The point is that I came here and really lived. I’ve lost friends and made friends, and I’ve begun to find myself because I’ve never really known myself. So, the one thing I was doing while experiencing this euphoria, is plan my summer. 

I think I’ve been planning my summer since November, and when I got my car those plans actually came into play. My summer has been a thing that changes all the time last second, and I really wanted to do something different this year. I plan to get a tattoo for my birthday, and it’ll be a jellyfish cause they’re so cool, and they stand for transformation and healing! I’ll have my party in my hometown with all my new friends before I leave the state to stay with my grandma. I planned to go to comic con for the first time, but I probably won’t have time sighh. I want to get a job at the mall and meet new people. In all of my years of going back and forth between home and my grandma’s house, I’ve never had any real friends there, so of course I choose almost last minute to do that lol.

These have been the thoughts that keep me going through the year when everything gets to be too much. I think of what my senior year will be like when I see new juniors navigating their way around here. It’ll be different to be the senior, and it’ll be different to see so many people I know just gone and replaced with others. I also think about my senior year and being surrounded by my bestest friends once again. It almost makes me sad to imagine that we’ll be apart for so long. But it makes me happy that these random people that I talked to one day are so much more important to me now and it makes me excited to meet new people soon!

I want to stay optimistic and keep my head held up high as I experience the changes of going from not only a junior to senior, but a 16-year-old to a 17-year-old. I just found out I was the youngest of most of my friends and it makes me so scared to hear my friends talk about how much different it is to transition between ages. Growing up is the most terrifying thing in my life. And I remember being so much younger and being ecstatic about being an adult, and now I’m almost there and I just wanna go back. But I try to think of it like this: It’s my last year as a child, and I want to live it like it’s the last days of my life.

I know this seems very dramatic for just the end of junior year, I mean I’ll be here again in about two months, but I guess it’s the thoughts of moving onto a different phase in my life that’s getting me more than anything.

I hope someone can read this and feel a little bit better if you’re as scared of change as I am, and I hope that everyone has a fantastic summer.

Overwatch 2: Juno Guide - Abilities, Counters & More
I just wanted to include an Overwatch picture lol

Remembrance: Packing Up

The day that I’m writing this, May 1st, marks the last go-home weekend of the year, meaning that I don’t have much time left to move out of my dorm room here at MSA. I hate packing. Like hate, hate it. For multiple reasons, I think. I’ve only had to pack up and move 4 times in my life before coming to MSA. Mostly, I hate it because it lifts up dust, which in turn aggravates my allergies, but also, I hate packing because it symbolizes things ending. Some people think of it as peaceful, a methodical collecting of things and appreciating them, but I don’t and I’m not sure I ever will. For me it’s always a hectic and depressing game of Tetris, which items will fit where and how many can I shove in boxes without breaking anything, while also thinking about leaving the space. It’s sad for me because I have to wash a space that has been mine for so long of me. I have to put everything away, wipe off all the dust, and turn out the lights at the end, which scares me a little, I’ll be honest. It also comes from a fear of change. If nothing changes then nothing can ever end. But one piece of advice that actually helped, although it almost made me cry, came from one of my seniors, Cooper Brumfield. He came in my room trying to trade food, even though I didn’t have anything. I had almost cried twice packing up my stuff a few moments earlier, and I told him that, but he asked if he could give me a piece of advice. I said sure, and to my surprise, Cooper quite literally closed the door. For a second, I’d thought he left, but he opened the door again and said “I’ll never see that exact version of you again. That’s the beauty of being alive is we’re always changing.” Spoken like a true literary, right? I’m not going to pretend that I’m not what people would call a crybaby, because I am, but I also have a problem with that term. Why should those who feel their emotions readily and in the fullest be shamed for it? So I guess I’m happy to be a crybaby, and boy did that make me cry a little. I know I’m most likely coming back next year, but I can’t help but mourn how it is now, and I know it’ll never be the same. The seniors that I’ve lived with and that have come to matter so much to me are leaving. But this isn’t all bad. They’re going off to do great things, and by this time next year I hope I will be too. I know it’s always going to end, but it never makes it any less sad. The fact that I feel like I’ve finally found a place I belong definitely makes this harder, because that place is changing and won’t ever be the same. Of course it’ll still look the same, but the energy is changing. Anyways, enough of my pouting. If any seniors are reading this, thank you for being here, and I’m going to miss you.

Much love,
Jude ♡♡♡

My Favorite (Actually Niche) Youtubers

I wasn’t sure what I wanted my last blog of the year to be, but I thought I’d leave you all with some recommendations for youtubers I love and watch all the time. There won’t be a specific order to this list, and these creators will range from a couple thousand subscribers to a million or so, but they are all under-appreciated and deserve more attention. They will also range drastically in what their content is about- some commentary and reaction channels, some movie/media reviewers, some who craft and sew, and even more. I highly recommend you check out these creators over the summer!

1. Kennie JD

I’ve been watching Kennie since quarantine- probably late 2019 into 2020 was when I really found her. She’s been on youtube for at least 12 years. For the first five years, she mainly posted about makeup and storytimes, but, in September of 2019, she found a new niche. She posted a video about the movie Tall Girl, joking about the plot and dramatics over a girl being tall- as if tall women are oppressed or something. Kennie herself is six foot and talks a lot about her own experiences in the video, which made it more immersive. She started a series called “Bad Movies and a Beat”, where she does her makeup while reacting to or giving her review of a bad movie. Sometimes she’ll switch it up with “Good Movies and a Glam”, where she does the same as before, but discusses a good movie instead. I tend to have similar opinions to her when it comes to movies and plot lines, so it’s nice to see someone else experiencing the same confusion I have when watching a certain movie. I also love learning about movies through her videos. She is extremely funny and I highly recommend going to check out her stuff. She talks about many types of movies; from rom coms to horror/thrillers to dramas to cheesy christmas movies. She also reviews reality TV shows sometimes. Her most recent videos have been her reacting to old 2000s reality TV and they are extremely funny. She’s also an extremely talented singer- check out her spotify!!

2. Micarah Tewers

I found Micarah about a year before quarantine, I believe. She is one of the most popular people on this list, with over 2 million followers, but I rarely see people talking about her. She’s been on youtube for at least 8 years now, consistently posting videos of her making costumes and clothing with fast paced and comedic tutorials that no one is necessarily intended to follow. Her videos almost always have a vlog-feel to them, even if they aren’t explicitly a vlog. She has pet parrots, chickens, and ducks who appear in many of her videos. There always seems to be a side-plot to each video where she has to rescue a wild animal or help her dad with something or prank her brother or visit her best friend. She’s extremely funny and there is never a dull moment in her videos. Even if you don’t like sewing or crafting, you will have fun with her channel.

3. Sarah Spaceman

I found Sarah almost two years ago. She really brought back my love for cosplay and cosplay conventions with her video series on how she made this extremely complex cosplay and then went to compete in it at a huge convention. She’s extremely talented and I’ve learned a lot about crafting and sewing through her videos. I also love her vlogs where she goes to conventions as the cons she attends are huge and expensive cons that I won’t be able to go to anytime soon, so I get to live vicariously through her videos. Once again, even if you don’t like sewing or cosplay, you will be entertained by her content. 

4. Izzyzzz

I believe I also found Izzy over quarantine, though I’m not sure. Their videos are primarily about nostalgic events, people, websites, and fandoms from the 2000s-2010s. Their deep dives on the video game The Path is where I discovered my love for that game and obscure media in general. They is extremely good at their research, and their videos are always very interesting both visually and auditorily. They always makes sure to give the full context for events and fandom discourse, which helps give an honest and neutral view of the topics being discussed. I highly recommend their videos about the brony history, their deep dive into Animal Crossing, and their deep dive into the Norm of the North twitter account. They’re also working on an animated series right now, so go check that out too!

5. Reilly Elaina

I found Reilly a few months back when I was trying to figure out why everyone on tik tok was mad at a certain creator. Reilly has only been posting for three months, but I predict her account will blow up in the next year or so. She has an extremely soft voice that is really satisfying to listen to (I know how weird that sounds, but I put her videos on in the background while I’m playing Stardew Valley and it’s really satisfying??). She mainly discusses internet discourse, typically things going down actively online. She does extreme deep dives and cites all her sources, which I applaud. She also gives really interesting perspectives to discourse topics that are more ignored/less talked about. For example, she has BPD and talks openly about it and how there are many creators with BPD on tik tok who are spreading misinformation about the disorder and further stigmatizing BPD. You should go give her a follow!

6. Trin Lovell

Another GOAT I found over quarantine. Trin does movie reactions/reviews, but she is extremely funny and out of pocket with her takes and she isn’t afraid to share said opinions. She will pause the movie to go on a fifteen minute rant about the scene and I will listen to the whole thing, nodding along to every word. My favorite series of hers is when she watches the best and worst rated episode of every season of Glee. She is also a self described scaredy-cat and had a series called “The Girl who’s Scared of Everything Watches [insert horror movie]”. Her reactions are very funny and I really enjoy her perspective of the movies she watches, even if I don’t always agree. She’s very entertaining and I highly recommend you go watch her reactions to horror movies if there’s ever a movie you’re too scared to watch alone.

7. Aust

I had to include a gamer here somewhere. I found Aust a few months ago, maybe closer to half a year. He posts longform videos of him playing (mostly) vanilla minecraft. I found him through his 100 Days in Harcore Minecraft series. He’s very funny and also extremely talented and it’s so cool to see everything he can accomplish in a minecraft world. He also has a really calm voice, which is a drastic contrast to a lot of minecraft youtubers. He really reminds me of gamerboy80, my favorite minecraft player of all time. They’re both really chill and really talented dudes who are way too good at minecraft. Go check him out if you like minecraft, or gaming in general.

8. Emma artly

I’m going to be real with you, I’ve only watched one of Emma’s videos all the way through, and it was her deep dive on the MLP youtube fan series “Bride of Discord”. She’s been posting for over two years and her channel has a mix of speedpaints, art tutorials, and commentaries on her interests. Her art style is adorable- kinda a mix of animal crossing, human MLP, and popular fan artists of the 2010s. I feel really nostalgic watching her videos. She’s also very funny, her commentary is really insightful, and I love hearing about topics and niche fandom events that I wouldn’t otherwise have known about.

9. Muldered

I found Muldered the other weekend while I was cleaning my room. I was looking for another deep dive video to throw on in the background while I cleaned, and I found his video about The Minerva Alliance; an analog horror series on youtube that was created by a number of popular analog horror creators. I love analog horror and supporting smaller artists on youtube, so I’m always down to watch their videos or listen to someone give a deep dive on the universe that their videos exist in. As I explored Muldered’s account, I found that his native language is Russian and he uses that to translate Russian analog horror series for his primarily English-speaking audience. I thought this was so cool and have been watching his videos a lot more since, as I love that I’m able to learn about a whole side of analog horror that I would never have been able to before because of the language barrier. He also has great comedic timing and I highly encourage giving him a watch if you also love analog horror.

10. Night Mind

Night Mind has grown in popularity over the years, especially within the analog horror/online horror fan communities. I’ve been watching him for maybe two years at this point and I love everything he puts out. I found him when I was searching for deep dives on the Marble Hornets series, which was a part of the internet that I grew up with but never really engaged with. His videos are extremely insightful and he gives productive critiques to the artists who create the analog horror he reviews. He also works with his community to find really small and under rated channels so he can bring attention to their art and share their creativity with his audience. His passion when talking about a piece he loves will never fail to make me smile. I can tell how much he cares about the art, writing, and filming, as well as all the work that goes into a good piece of analog horror. He’s extremely kind and fosters an amazing community with his followers, something that can be rare amongst youtubers these days. I highly encourage checking him out, his videos are amazing and definitely worth the watch. 

Thank you for reading! I hope you check out one or more of these creators, and I hope you have an amazing summer. This year was fantastic and I can’t wait to see you all, plus some juniors, next year! 

Marvel Rival Characters I want in the game

Wiccan

I feel like Wiccan as a support would be top tier especially with his portals and his healing zones. Like he could be a mix of Wanda and Dr. Strange and what would be really good is if he can change his attacks between different elements. If he does come to Marvel Rivals, I will be using only him Religiously. though he would be a 5 star.

 

 

Deadpool

he would be the best dps I don’t care what anyone says about him being a strategist that doesn’t even make sense since he can’t heal others, and he uses swords. he would be a great anti heal though and a passive where he heals himself would be chiefs kiss. Also there need to be a team up with him and Spidey maybe one with him and jeff.

Night Crawler

to be completely honest I don’t know much about him except the fact he can teleport (want to buy comics of him but don’t know where to start). He would be a crazy DPS as well especially if he can share his teleporting with black panther or Wanda (they dated) plus I think he looks super cool.

 

Rouge

there are some debates on rather or not she should be a tank or support, and, in my opinion, she is a tank but only because she has high durability in the comics because of captain marvel. she has to fly though because it wouldn’t be rogue if she couldn’t fly and one of her abilities has to be if she can copy someone Elses even if it’s just for a few seconds. She should have a team up with wolverine and Gambit if he comes.

Luke Cage

we desperately need more Black people in the game and Luke cage is the goat. He should be able to go bulletproof like Emma frost diamond form and he should be able to throw huge rock at people. I felt like he should be a tank, but I think he is going to feel like a dps as well like reed but reverse it. I wouldve3 suggested a team up between spiderman and Ironfist but that’s not the iron fist everyone knows and loves plus he doesn’t need any more damage.

Dealing with end of the year burnout

I don’t even know if I can classify what I’m having as burnout or just ready for the school year to be over. I think many people are feeling the same strain right now where they just want things to come to a closing point. I am doing well in all of my classes but turning in work on deadlines is getting harder and harder and I just keep wondering when is it going to end! I also thing I’m just regressing though as I find myself listening to more melancholy music and not using my coping skills to my fullest ability. So, I plan to put more boundaries in place to try and get back on track first off, I am slowly going down on a medicine that was making me too tired to really do any of my work on time. I am going back to using these squishy things I use to calm down (Lol) and I really recommend them to anyone struggling with getting work done sometimes it’s good to just have something in your hand to take off the stress! I am also going to have to try doing some skills to work on falling asleep earlier because a con of going down on medicine means it’s harder to sleep in general and before I was on the dosage I was on, I couldn’t sleep at all! Which is an issue I have had since childhood. I’ve also been thinking about writing a blog about different medications I’ve been on and their personal side effects for me just to maybe help anyone struggling with similar issues so they may know where to start. Going away from that topic though I plan on implementing these coping skills to hopefully help me get back on track. I also have only started to learn that sometimes it’s okay to ask for extended deadlines or help of course it can’t be an all the time thing but every now and then is alright when you’re struggling. I learned this after going on a trip and realizing there was no way I could get the work done in the amount of time given so it was one of the first times I asked for more time, and it really helped me. So, for everyone else struggling these are some things I reccomend that I feel could really help everyone. I know it sucks to admit it, but adults are right about sleep and some other tools!

ENA: Dream BBQ

During my Easter break, I found myself sinking into a form of media that (surprisingly) wasn’t Common Side Effects. Alongside that, I realized that I’m starting to regress into the girl I was a few years ago under, what I assume to be, the stress of recently turning 17. That means I’m diving back into the things I liked as a 13 and 14-year-old. One of those includes ENA.

ENA started as an animated series by Joel G on YouTube. ENA is a character inspired by Picasso’s “Girl before a Mirror”. She represents two prominent sides of a person as two separate colors, split down the middle. These colors portray happiness and depression represented by yellow and blue respectively. The yellow side has a male voice (which sparked my love for voice actors that are the opposite gender of the character they’re voicing) and the blue side has a female voice. They both have very dynamic and contrasting tones that I absolutely adore. The series consists of 4 episodes all under 10 minutes (excluding “Temptation Stairway” which is 17 minutes long). All of the characters are incredibly interesting. My favorite, other than ENA, is Moony. She’s ENA’s friend and I just think they’re so cute together.

I swear this isn’t bad quality, this is just the style. screenshot from the episode “Auction Day”

The ENA series is really high quality, and because of that, episodes took a really long time to release. In between “Temptation Stairway”, released 4 years ago, and “Power of Potluck”, the newest episode, my interest in ENA naturally dropped. I still admired the series and character, I just stopped involving myself in the media as much.

look how cute she is!!!!! “Extinction Party” episode thumbnail

Until ENA: Dream BBQ came out on March 27, 2025 (3 days after my birthday!) and I found out about it relatively quickly. Probably because it was a really anticipated game so a lot of YouTubers and other creators that I follow played it and talked about it. I was quick to jump on the train as well, watching my first play through of it on April 12. Then I watched 3 more play throughs and multiple videos breaking down the plot.

I feel like I’m more than qualified to spoil the whole thing, but I highly encourage others to play it for themselves. It’s free on Steam! So here, I’ll just discuss my favorite things about the game and how much I love the Dream BBQ version of ENA.

i love her so much

This game is very similar to the Youtube series, which already felt like clips of a video game. It feels like a playable episode of ENA and I think that’s the perfect way to translate the series into a game. It’s incredibly surreal and confusing while also being fun and leaving a lot of the story to the audience’s interpretation.

tbh i don’t know what i’m looking at here

ENA has changed a lot between the YouTube series and the game. Instead of yellow and blue, she’s white and red. The different sides of her even have different names, white is “meanie” and red is “salesman”! She even has a cute little hat. I still have a lot of love for the old ENA, the yellow and blue color combination brings back a lot of good memories, but Dream BBQ ENA is definitely my favorite.

what a cutie

I think my second favorite character is Froggy – a Japanese speaking man in a huge frog costume. He has so much personality and he’s very expressive. He even has an amazing ringtone when he calls you! I’m considering making it my own ringtone…

froggy and ena.. my favs…

One of my (many) favorite parts of the game is when ENA, who you’re playing as, enters the “Lost Village” and knocks on the doors of the houses in the area until she finds the right one. Each house that isn’t the right one disappears with a unique animation and I just think that’s really funny. It’s also just fun to see all the different animations, it makes me hope to never find the right house just to see the animations.

Even though the anticipation for this game was high (to my understanding), it’s not as popular as I thought it would’ve been. Compared to the traction the ENA series received, the game has received a surprisingly little amount of attention. But that just makes the fan content a lot more special. Some of those TikTok editors make videos that seriously look like trailers for the game! 

All of this to say, I really love ENA: Dream BBQ. I think everyone should play it or watch someone else play it because some of the biggest YouTubers that have played it only have half of a million views as I’m writing – which sounds like a lot but compared to the series’ combined view count of 47.5 million, it’s not!

Writing Down the Bones- a book review (I think)

If you’ve only read a snippet of the book or maybe you haven’t read any of it at all, Writing Down the Bones is written by Natalie Goldberg and in it she talks about building your stamina as a writer, looking for progress and not perfection, and approaching the practice through Zen meditation. She emphasizes the importance of creative journaling and setting yourself free through your own writing. When I first saw this book, I was almost certain that it was going to say something about practicing writing every day. Every time you seek advice about writing from professionals or books or articles, they ultimately tell you the same thing- to write every day. Now, this book isn’t exactly different from those other books and articles, but I think the intention is a little different.

Although Natalie does advise you to write every day, she also wants you to eliminate your own personal critic, and this makes a lot of sense. Personally, I’m always in a battle with the backspace button. There have definitely been moments where the words to a short story or a poem or an article poured straight out of me, but there are other moments where I feel the need re-read what I write, and this causes some overthinking and frustration because I see comma splices and poorly chosen metaphors and not enough flowery language and blah blah blah.  Filtering out your personal critic can allow the words to flow freely, and it can give you a sense of freedom. This cuts down on stress, and it keeps you motivated to write more. This is helpful advice, especially as a new writer because you gain that space you need to grow your craft.

Another topic that Natalie frequently touched on in the book was separating your ego from your writing practice. Matter of fact, she also explains how ego can directly affect your writing. This happens when your thoughts are being filtered and ultimately interrupted because you are anxious to accept criticism as a writer. Simply put, ego limits creativity. Natalie provides writing exercises that can decrease issues related to ego. An example of an ego decreasing exercise would be writing a vivid moment that relates to a memory or an experience. The important catch to this exercise is keeping all the raw and deltaic moments in the story and recognizing when you filter because of ego.

Zen meditation is another topic that Natalie explores throughout this novel. Natalie Goldburg is a Zen Buddhist, and she has implemented the practice of Zen meditation in her writing practice for a long time. Natalie views writing and Zen meditation as very closely related practices, both focusing on the mind and its relation to the present moment. She emphasizes that writing is like meditating and it involves a regular, consistent effort to become self-aware. Zen meditation has many pros to it as well. It decreases anxiety, creates a sense of mindfulness, and it allows us to explore our mind. But not just that, it can also allow us to form a different connection to writing. Honestly, I didn’t understand how Zen meditation could be related to writing because they are two completely different practices, but as I continued the book and she dived deeper into this concept, I learned that Zen meditation and writing are alike in that they both allow you to explore the mind’s inner landscape and to connect to yourself.

I enjoyed this book so much and I’ve taken much more than just writing tips from it. In it, you can also get a glimpse of Natalie’s life as a writer and how she got where she was. She talks about the good and bad parts of the writing life, and the struggles new writers face as they begin. I hear that her other book “Wild Mind” is another good one and I hope to check that out too.

Last Car Blog (probably not)

Okay, so this go home weekend, I had a problem. When I was driving the day before, my car was running funny. When I pulled out of parking spots and put it into drive, it would barely move even when I was putting my foot on the gas. After like 15 seconds it would work normal again, but after the third time of it happening, the check engine light came on. OH NO! So, when I got back to school, I was freaking out. But then Ms. Sudie started to ask me about how I was liking it, and I told her that I liked it, but I was also having a problem. Me and her came to a conclusion that it had to be a transmission problem, and she wanted to check my transmission fluid before I left. Mind you that drive is 3 hours for me.

The next day when she tried to check the fluid, we find out my cars model doesn’t have a dipstick for the transmission fluid. So, I had to take it to Autozone to get a diagnostic ran on it. When the guy came out to use the device, I knew I was doomed. The wire on it was all torn and taped up and it was awful. It took 20 minutes to run a diagnostic. If you don’t know, those are supposed to take at most five minutes. THEN WHEN HE GOD THE CODE, HE TOLD ME TO LOOK IT UP INSTEAD OF HIM CONNECTING IT TO THE COMPUTER AND PRINTING IT OUT. I was so mad. But I looked it up and it turned out to be a sensor in the engine. Not something with the transmission. But he gave me no info on the sensor. He told me to just not drive fast, and I’ll be fine. Then he said if I wanted to no more, I would have to go to the Nissan dealership. So, I did. Bad idea. The guy there spoke mechanic gibberish. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I don’t know cars like that. I told him about how long the drive was, and he was very hesitant with telling me that it would be okay and he just said it could be fine. Bro. Help. He also told me it would be 450 dollars to fix. The gulp I did…

After all that, I just left and went home. I still sped when the guy told me not too. I had no problems the whole way. The very next day my mom took it to her mechanic friend, and he said it was an easy fix and not that big of a deal. He fixed it for less than 100 dollars and it was as good as new. Well, kind of. The car is rejecting the sensor now. He told me that wasn’t common, but he has seen it happen. Btw don’t think this guy sucks. He’s the best mechanic I’ve ever had. But he told me the car will definitely last the two weeks I’m up here, so we didn’t get it fixed again because it would be to close. So, when I go back, I have to bring it to him to get it fixed. It’s been pretty fine. I think. Wish me luck, guys. Nothings keeping me out that driver’s seat though.

To Pimp A Butterfly Pt. 1

Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly Is Now The Number 1 Ranked Album ...

To Pimp A Butterfly has been on repeat in my headphones for almost a month. This album evokes so many emotions out of me whether it be negative or positive. Kendrick is a lyrical genius, and I will always stand by that. This is an activist album that holds many themes of race, oppression, and the experience of being a Black person. The song has 16 songs, so I will be doing 8 in this blog and make a second with the other 8!

1. Wesley’s Theory = 4:47

“Anything, see, my name is Uncle Sam, I’m your dog”

Wesley’s Theory describes how racist American institutions owned by White supremist exploit Black creators for profit. This song starts off by saying that every Black person is a star. It also gives some reference to the album title saying, “When the four corners of this cocoon collide/You’ll slip through the cracks, hoping that you’ll survive/Gather your wind, take a deep look inside/Are you really who they idolize to pimp a butterfly?” The name of the album is something that I’ll come back to on the second part of this blog because it’s not truly addressed until the last song. This song talks about a guy who likes a girl but eventually just lets lust take over that love. This girl is a metaphor for the rap game, since Kendrick addresses in this album that artists are enticed by being in this industry. In this song Kendrick is portrayed as a stereotypical rapper with no education and what not. Dr. Dre is in this song and gives a talk about how you have to keep your head in the game, and you cannot lose sight of yourself. In Verse 2 of this song Kendrick talks about a house and a car, forty acres and a mule, a piano, a guitar. These words are spoken by Uncle Sam who is enticing him to live a material life. Forty Acres and a mule, which Kendrick mentions often in this album, is reference to how African Americans were promised this as compensation for slavery after they were freed. 

Kendrick Lamar - Wesley's Theory Ft. George Clinton, Thundercat - YouTube

2. For Free? – Interlude = 2:10

“I picked cotton that made you rich”

This is a very explicit song, but this is like slam poetry I think… The song starts with a woman dogging on this guy for being a bum pretty much, and I think the woman is symbolization for the US because at the end of the song she says, “I’ma get my Uncle Sam to f*ck you up/You ain’t not king”. Kendrick raps about slavery in this, and how Black people had to do so much for free with nothing back in return. He is standing up to the fact that we deserve more than what we are given. He mentions once again, “I need forty acres and a mule/Not a forty ounce and a Pitbull” which references what Black people were promised vs stereotypical things about us. Kendricks speaks on lusting over the American dream once again, and he even says “Matter of fact, it needs interest” speaking more on how little African Americans got after being freed. The lady saying “You ain’t no king” transitions into the next song.

Watch Kendrick Lamar Run Amok in Playful 'For Free?' Video - Rolling Stone

3. King Kunta = 3:55

“Now I run the game, got the whole world talking’,”

Kendrick starts this song off by saying he’s got a bone to pick; he’s mad but not stressing. He goes on to talk about King Kunta aka Kunta Kinte, who was a fictional Black slave featured in the novel “The Roots”. In this Novel, Kunta gets his foot cut off to prevent him escaping his plantation, and Kendrick uses the line, “Everyone wanna cut the legs off him” which means people want to prevent him from leaving the rap game. Kendrick uses King Kunta as an oxymoron meaning both oppressed like a slave and dominant like a king. He speaks of how he used to be poor, but now he runs the game. Kendrick also says “When you got the yams” which references Invisible man by Ralph Ellison. The narrator walks down the streets and smells yams, which reminds him of the South. This line is Kendrick declaring authenticity.  Attached to the rap game, Kendrick mentions that “Most of y’all sharing bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two-man cell”. Being a rapper, you usually have a certain way of rapping that’s individual. So, sharing bars is looked down upon (Something like that)

Watch: official video for Kendrick Lamar's King Kunta

4. Institutionalized = 4:31

“I’m trapped inside the ghetto and I ain’t proud to admit it”

This song talks about being trapped. Kendrick feels as if he could never escape the ghetto despite being successful who knows it will always be a part of him. This is referenced later in the song by Snoop Dog who says, “You can take your boy out the hood, but you can’t take the hood out the homie.” A line sung by Anna Wise and Bilal talks about how if Kendrick was president he would pay his mom’s rent, and free his homies, bulletproof his car doors. He would still be living like he was in Compton. This verse ends by saying, “Master, take the chains off me” which extends the topic of being institutionalized even more. Kendrick also mentions education a lot. He talks about how the streets put him through college since he has more street smarts than book smarts, and he mentions how if you dream for something you have to fight to make it happen. He mentions a quote from his grandma who speaks about if you don’t clean up your act then nothing will change in your life for the better. The song ends with Snoop Dog speaking about a young man in Compton who was talented but under the ruse that he wasn’t able to make anything of himself. 

Kendrick Lamar - Wesley's Theory Ft. George Clinton, Thundercat - YouTube

5. These Walls = 5:00

“Everytime I come around demolition might crush”

To expand more on the album title, this is where the poem starts. Kendrick says, “I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence/Sometimes I did the same.” Every time he mentions a line in this poem it relates to the song that’s about to play. In this song he speaks about literally being with a guy’s girl while the guy is in prison. This song talks about if walls could talk, which we should all know is a metaphor(?) for talking about what happens behind closed doors. So, the woman in this song is dating the man who killed Kendrick’s friend. This woman is alone while her man is in prison, so she goes to party! This woman still loves the man but knows it’s hard while he’s in jail. This song is very explicit with Kendrick talking about how he’s just a tenant because walls are a double meaning… Him using the phrase “Demolition might cross” talks about how the more intimate these two become the more vulnerable the woman gets with him. At the end of the songs Kendrick admits that he used his power as a rapper to get back at the guy who is in jail. The poem continues with, “Abusing my power, full of resentment/Resentment that turned into a deep depression/Found myself screaming in a hotel room.” Which transitions to the next song.

Kendrick Lamar: These Walls (2015)

6. u = 4:28

“Loving you is complicated”

Kendrick is.. screaming in a hotel room. The scream is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard, and I always giggle during his little monologue, but this is an amazing song. Kendrick speaks about how he used to be depressed, and there’s a later song in this album about loving yourself because Kendrick once said in an interview that “If you don’t attack it, it will attack you. If you sit around moping, feeling sad and stagnant, it’s gonna eat you alive.” Him saying “Loving you is complicated” references a poem by Tupac Shakur called “Love is just complicated”. It speaks on the complexities of love due to emotions and desires. Kendrick mentions a “You” multiple time, but the “You” mentioned is himself which expands on the topic of being stuck in a bad metal state. Kendrick says in the song, “What can I blame you for?” which I think is a great transition Verse 1. He is guilty and here a few reasons why. Due to the depression, Kendrick’s view of things is completely blurred, and he begins blaming himself for things that are not his fault. The verse starts by saying, “And you the reason why mama and them leavin’. /You say you love ’em, I know you don’t mean it.” which expands on the guilt he is feeling. Kendrick also talks about how when one of his close friends died, he wasn’t able to go see him before surgery, so he begins to feel like a failure. He also mentions drinking more than he used to with the line saying, “And if this bottle could talk/I cry myself to sleep, everything is your fault” This voice is Kendricks’s consciences being vulnerable with the audience. No poem continuation on this song…

New Video: Kendrick Lamar – 'U / For Sale?' (Short Film) | HipHop-N-More

7. Alright = 3:39

“Alls my life, I has to fight”

I think most of us have heard this song. It may be the most popular on the album! This first line, being the line I quoted, is from the Novel “The Color Purple”. This line was said by Sofia who talks about having to fight men all her life. Her dad, brothers, cousins, and uncles. She says, “A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men. But I never thought I’d have to fight in my own house.” Kendrick uses the line, “We gon’ be alright” to speak on how despite the pain and suffering, we will survive, which is attached to Black Live Matter; this song even became an anthem of hope and resilience. Kendrick talks more about the rap industry using him for money, but he’s doing this to stand up for the Black community. This song also speaks about police brutality saying, “Wanna kill us dead in the street for sure.” but he continues to say that we will be alright. Again, in this song Kendrick mentions the house, car, forty acres and a mule, a piano, and guitar. The piano and guitar stand for music. When he says all these things he changes from Uncle Sam to Lucy. As in the devil. This verse is Lucy speaking, who will come up once again in the next song. Kendrick talks about the rights and wrongs and attempts to fight back. He ends the verse by saying, “I write ’til I’m right with God.” This song ends with more on the poem, “I didn’t want to self-destruct/The evils of Lucy was all around me/So I went runnin’ for answers.”

Kendrick Lamar Sees the World in Black-and-White in 'Alright' Video ...

8. For Sale? – Interlude = 3:39

“Lucy don’t mind ’cause at the end of the day you’ll pursue me”

This song begins with breathing because Kendrick went “runnin’ for answers” at the end of Alright. There’s a taunting voice at the beginning asking him what’s wrong and saying, “I thought you was keeping it gangsta/I thought this what you wanted.” This voice is speaking on how he is courting with Lucy, and the intro ends by saying. “They say if you scared, go to church/But remember, he knows the bible too” in reference to how Lucy was an angel before being expelled from heaven, so he has an understanding on the bible. The chorus that plays is in perspective of Lucy and he says, “Cause I (Want you)”. Lucy is beckoning Kendrick with pretending like he is a friend to him. Lucy continues to try to convince Kendrick by saying, “Lucy give you no worries/Lucy gon’ fill your pockets/Lucy gon’ move your mama out of Compton/Lucy just want your trust and loyalty”. The voice speaks in a third person before straight up saying “I’m Lucy”. And eventually does his best to convince Kendrick to sign a contract after watching Kendrick all his life to make him successful. The poem continues, “Until I came home”

Kendrick Lamar - Wesley's Theory Ft. George Clinton, Thundercat - YouTube

i’m trying to party like it’s 2016 this summer

When I was younger, I used to love summer. To be fair, I don’t really remember this, but my mom insists on it. She tells me about how I used to want to go to the beach to swim all the time and how I wanted to spend all summer outside. I’ve been trying to relearn that feeling over the past few years. I love swimming, but I don’t go swimming often because I struggle to find swimsuits I’m comfortable in. I hate the beach- sand is my enemy and the sun is even worse. I like sunbathing just fine, but I swear to god, the sun at the beach is a million times hotter than the normal sun. 

All that is to say, I’m trying to hype myself up for this summer. I have a lot planned; I’m gonna finally get my drivers license, hopefully lock down a job once I have legal access to a car, and hopefully spend the rest of the summer hanging out with friends and family. Now you’re probably asking, how does 2016 fit into any of this? To that question, I pose my own question; When did summer seem the most fun? I was eight in the summer of 2016, and all I wanted was to look and dress like the influencers going to Coachella or the instagram models with their cakey, colorful makeup. I was a child, though, so I never got to live that dream. I’m finally old enough, and comfortable enough in my identity, to live out my childhood dreams. So besides the important things, like my license and job, here are some 2016-themed things I have on my summer checklist: 

1. Makeup

A cut crease, a bold or nude lip, thick contour, even thicker brows, so much highlighter that you’re seen from space. I miss it all. I’m always going to prefer cakey, over-the-top makeup to the “natural” or “no-makeup-makeup” looks. No hate for what you prefer, I’m just a sucker for the dramatics. I’m trying to get my hands on some of the popular makeup products from 2016, like Kylie’s nude lip sets and dip brow gel. 

2. Outfits

Here’s where the major difference of 2016 style begins to show. Even as a kid, I knew the difference between a tumblr girl and an instagram influencer. I also knew I wanted to be both of them. While I definitely feel more comfortable in the alternative, indie style that comes from tumblr, I want to venture out of my comfort zone and try to recreate some of the iconic outfits from 2016 Coachella. 

3. Music

I have at least two playlists dedicated to 2010s music. Most of my love for these albums comes from nostalgia, but I do genuinely love some of these songs. Colors by Halsey is one of my favorite songs, there’s a bunch of old P!ATD that I really love, and the entire Blurryface album by T∅P has ruled my life since I first heard Ride. Anyways, I’m gonna be playing these in my headphones all summer long. 

4. Recreating Iconic Photos

There are thousands more that I couldn’t fit here, but here are some of my top few. When I tell you these photos had a chokehold on me. Some of them will be easier to recreate than others, but regardless, you can expect to see them on my instagram at some point this summer. 

Now, I’ve got a bit more planned, but this is all that’s super important. I do plan on rewatching a bunch of tv shows and movies from the 2010s/late 2000s because I love nostalgia chasing. I also want to use this summer as an opportunity to watch some of the movies that I was too young to watch/never got around to when they came out in the 2010s. I also really want to read more, so I plan to spend a lot of this summer sunbathing with a good book. That’s pretty much it. I’m super excited for the summer and I can’t wait to party like there’s no tommorow.