Category: Junior Literary

Masculine Toxicity: The Evaluation of Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity is a mindset that has plagued men, young and old, since the beginning of time. What if toxic masculinity was a learned behavior? Who teaches it? Why is it so prominent in the Deep South? Well, toxic masculinity is more prominent in the deep south because parents and legal guardians teach their sons “toxic” traits and morales by means of cultural narcissism. 

One example of this cultural narcissism is religious superiority. Being  that most of the Deep South makes up the “Bible Belt,” most southerners build their lives around the Christianity lifestyle.  In 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, Paul says,”34Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (The Bible, King James Version). This shapes toxic masculinity by allowing men, and in some cases women, to blame this type of behavior on the Bible, and thus imposing these ideologies onto their children. These parents act as catalysts for what will happen in society later in life for their kids.

Another example of cultural narcissism is misogynistic media. With the President saying things like “Grab them by the p**sy” in his presidential campaign and with the #MeToo Movement getting so much backlash (predominantly from white men), young, naive boys may grow up to believe what the men say. That fact forces young boys and men to feel this pressure to be ostentatious and use “locker-room talk” when referring to women, which then becomes habit. That habit then seeps into their personality, making them the poster children for toxic masculinity. Although southern culture isn’t as sexist and gender specific as other cultures, i.e. Indian, that does not negate the underlying and surface issues. In “Men and Gender Justice”, Boopalan, an Indian man, says,” Indian men are conditioned to eat, not cook. In addition to this, among siblings, sons are often given more food on their plate so that they can get their “manly” strength. Daughters are shown around the kitchen, taught to cook and provide, and enculturated into patriarchy in several such subconscious and coded ways” (3) . That is almost synonymous to southern culture in America. This helps develop the illusion that The Man is above The Woman. Younger men then learn “their place in society” and young women learn “their place in the kitchen”, putting a halt to progression in a society where everyone feels they should be respected. 

The third and final example of cultural narcissism is racism. The deep south, especially Mississippi and Alabama, is notorious for its extreme racism and colorism. From the Transatlantic Slave Trade to Jim Crow laws to present day wage gaps based on race. Statistically, women of color are more likely to be assaulted than white women. According to Communities of Color and the Impacts of Sexual Violence, it states,”Sexual violence has historically been used to perpetuate racism and colonialism. The colonizer’s gaze viewed the bodies of people of color as inherently “dirty” and unworthy of respect..Native American women and African American women have historically been viewed as ‘rapable.’” In America, there is a hierarchy of privilege; the white men are at the top and the women of color are at the bottom. The ones with the most privilege attack those at the lowest level, essentially asserting dominance, which feeds into their masculine ego. That then turns into toxic masculinity, which eggs on the man to continue to assert his dominance. 

Toxic masculinity is a very detrimental to society, but southern society is completely built around it. It stems from the cultural narcissism embedded into every fiber of southern life. Things like religious superiority, misogyny, and racism all play into this vision of “A Man”.

I am here to address the elephant in the room! Some of you may have noticed in my writer’s bio I stated that Leo was the best zodiac sign, which I believed it is. I mean it is just a proven fact in life, just look at some icons that are Leos.

Barack Obama

Lil Uzi Vert

Whitney Houston

Madonna

J.K. Rowling 

Angela Bassett

Lol, I’m just kidding, I don’t believe that Leo is the only best sign. Some honorable mentions are Geminis, Pisces, Capricorn women, Virgos, Aquarius, and lastly Taurus. 

A little background on Leos for a better understanding. According to astrology-zodiac-signs a website catered to all things astrology states that “People born under the sign of Leo are natural born leaders. They are dramatic, creative, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist, able to achieve anything they want to in any area of life they commit to. There is a specific strength to a Leo and their ‘king of the jungle’ status. Leo often has many friends for they are generous and loyal. Self-confident and attractive, this is a Sun sign capable of uniting different groups of people and leading them as one towards a shared cause, and their healthy sense of humor makes collaboration with other people even easier.” 

I was curious to see how many Leo characteristics I actually possessed. So for this blog post I will be talking about my experience on taking a zodiac personality quiz. 

So like the gene z I am I went straight to google and searched up, “Zodiac Personality Quiz” and clicked the first site that popped up right away. The website was called Psychtests Profile and right off the bat, I was impressed by how professional the website was presented. I mean I felt like I was getting ready to take a mental examination for the government (I probably was, but that’s for another blog post). The website was very clear with the instructions on how to take the test. I quickly scan through and press the next button. All the questions consisted of 49 questions and took 20 mins to answer; however, the questions were very straight forward.

Now, this is when things got a little odd. When I finished answering the 49 questions. There was another part asking what was my gender, birth date, more personality questions, etc. I’m thinking ‘if this a personality test shouldn’t you be the one guessing that?’ But still, I persisted with the test and waited for my results to come back. You guys would not believe what was my result! A Sagittarius! Never in a million years I would have thought I possess the trait of a Sagittarius, yet again I don’t associate with many.

According to astrology-zodiac-signs Sagittarius are “Curious and energetic, Sagittarius is one of the biggest travelers among all zodiac signs. Their open mind and philosophical view motivates them to wander around the world in search of the meaning of life. Sagittarius is extrovert, optimistic and enthusiastic, and likes changes. Sagittarius-born are able to transform their thoughts into concrete actions and they will do anything to achieve their goals.”

The Psychtest Profile also gave me a full report on Sagittarius and how to understand my results. 

In all this experience was very entertaining. I have always love astrology so any time I learn something new it feeds my love for it. With that being said I challenge my classmates, who are interested to write a blog post on their zodiac sign and their experience/ result with taking the zodiac personality test.  😛 

Links 

Here is the link to the personality website:  

https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/2299

Here is the link to the Zodiac website:

https://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/zodiac-signs/leo/

https://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/zodiac-signs/sagittarius/

I know you’ve seen my title, so I hope that you do not feel that way when you see that this blog is not the continuation of my fashion series. I was unable to produce that in time due to scheduling conflicts, so I interrupt my fashion series to review this movie:

This past weekend I watched the movie, Harriet, which was based on the story of Harriet Tubman. My mother and I had planned to go see it on the 2nd of November, the day after it premiered, but it wasn’t playing anywhere near us. I looked into 4 theaters and of those 4, it was only playing in 1! Can you believe that? I was honestly shocked, but my mom said she wasn’t surprised.

The film featured Cynthia Erivo as Harriet Tubman. Erivo is most known for her role in the Broadway production of The Color Purple as Celie. (Fact: I have actually never seen The Color Purple, but I REALLY want to!! My mom tells me GREAT things about it… I say this to say: if you have it, can I borrow it?!) William Still was played by Leslie Odom Jr., who was the original Aaron Burr in the Broadway production of Hamilton. The film also featured singer, Janelle Monáe, as Marie Buchanon, a fictional woman who helped Tubman in the movie.

With this cast, I knew going in that it would be a good movie, but it exceeded my expectations.  And, as of November 10, the film has made $23.5 million in the box office. Kasi Lemmons (Eve’s Bayou, The Caveman’s Valentine) directed, and co-wrote the film adaptation with Gregory Allen Howard (Remember the Titans, Ali). Because the film is a biopic, or biographical film, while it is based on true events, some or most of the plot has been dramatized. I believe that Lemmons and Howard did a wonderful job with the film. However, others who saw the film disagreed and felt that the film did not do Tubman’s legacy justice. I will include a link to an article by Buzzfeed News that delves into the reviews of the movie instead of explaining them myself because I do not want to spoil it for anyone, but after you watch, you can come back and look at the reviews 🙂

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Also, I’ve been doing daily affirmations, and it’s been going great so far. I am such an optimist, but even I sometimes struggle, so as soon as I wake up: before my alarm, after I’ve hit the snooze button 12 times, or even on those unexpected days when I wake up the first time my alarm goes off, I say just one positive thing. It can be off the top of my head or I’ll look at my Pinterest. Here’s a list of morning affirmations that I have been using lately- enjoy!

 

 

 

okay that title was dramatic but tik tok is addicting. i don’t care what anyone says. but i’m ready to talk about my problem.

it all started in first period last year at my old school (lumberton high school). i was just chilling in my desk, ya know, how people do when they’re tired and on the verge of quitting. then, my friend, let’s call her ASHANTI HOLDER, told me to download the app.

my first reaction was, and i quote, “absolutely not.” then about .6 seconds later, the app was installed and ready to go. so i opened it and made an account. and no, i’m not giving out my tik tok because that’s just weird. i then started watching the videos. they were all pretty stupid at first. but then i couldn’t stop watching. i found myself opening the app whenever i had a free moment. my problem was growing by the second.

it became evident to everyone around me that i had a problem when i knew every single sound on tik tok and almost all of the dances. it didn’t occur to me that i had a problem until i couldn’t stop watching tik toks instead of writing this very blog post. (so that was about 3 minutes ago now.) it is not uncommon for my roommate to come into the room and i’ll be laying there alone, in complete darkness, cackling at tik toks.

do i wish i had a social life? yeah. am i actually gonna do anything to achieve one? absolutely not.

i wish i could say that i am currently seeking treatment for my addiction, but that would be a lie. i am most definitely not willing to delete this app any time soon. thanks for reading this illiterate and strange blog post.

peace out girl scout 🙂

on a completely related note, as soon as i finished writing this, i opened tik tok and got sucked it for a solid 15 minutes without realizing it.

peace out girl scout fr this time 🙂

Hey y’all! I’m still working on a post, and I didn’t want to rush it for you guys, so I’m going to share the short story I had to write to get into MSA. This story was the very first short story I ever wrote. I don’t want to say too much, so enjoy! Let me know what you think! Should I revisit this story??

Veronica was always the type to do what she wanted. I told her that, one day, her outgoing personality would kill her. She never did listen. She would hear one thing and it would go through one ear and out the other. She was just like that; it’s what made Veronica who she is… well was. The day I got the call that Veronica killed herself… that was the day I lost a piece of myself. Not many people know, but Veronica was the love of my life. The way she conjured apart of myself that I never knew I had was the reason I was completely and utterly in awe of her. I would stare into her eyes and see our entire life planned out. Twins, both girls, living in a suburban house in Utah with a dog named Roxie. We would be the family who color-coordinated whenever we went out. I loved her, better yet, I was in-love with her. But… she didn’t know and now I never have the chance to tell her.
I knew she saw the way I stared at her and the way I would try to touch her body whenever I had the chance. I knew she knew, but she never said it. Veronica never voiced her thoughts when she didn’t have to. And what she knew was not hers to tell, it was mine. I had planned to tell her on her birthday. It was next week, October 31st. She was going to be 18 and I had the perfect plan to make her mine. It’s rare to come across many people like her, and I had the pleasure of being her neighbor. The day I met her was on her birthday 5 years ago. I came home to see her unloading boxes from a truck.
“Hey! Are you my new neighbor?” I asked.
“Well, I am obviously bringing boxes to the house beside yours,” she sassily replied. “ What do you think?”
I was taken back by her spitfire personality. I never had someone talk to me the way she did.
“You’re right, but you don’t have to be such a jerk about it,” I angrily replied.
The look on her face at that moment was the first and last time I saw that expression appear. She looked broken. A look so bleak, devoid of any emotion appeared on her face and then she started talking again but not with the same confidence as before.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ve had a real crappy day, and you took me off guard for a second.”
I couldn’t help but take notice of how her golden, flawless skin glistened in the sun. She was the epitome of beautiful in that moment. From that day, I knew I was in-love with her. I knew I had to protect her from the biggest evil in her life… herself.
The rumors are flying around on why she did it. Some said depression, some say she was pushed, some even say it was an accident. It’s all false. She wasn’t depressed, no one would want to murder her, and she wasn’t dumb enough to accidently jump off a building. She wanted something. She needed answers for something and whatever it was, I am determined to find out.
I called her parents, but they weren’t in any condition to figure out why their daughter committed suicide. I called the few other friends she had, and the most they had to say was, “She was acting different.” I didn’t know how to approach this investigation since my only lead was to talk to the people she talked to. I failed. I am a failure. I failed Veronica, I failed myself, and now I’ve failed an investigation.
That night, I got a call. The blaring sound of the iPhone Chime woke me out of my sleep. It was 3 A.M and the only person to ever call me at this time was Veronica. I checked the caller I.D and it was an unknown number. I would usually ignore calls like this, but something told me to answer.
“Hello?” I asked.
“It was a mistake,” a frantic voice said, “It wasn’t supposed to be her.”
“Who is this?” I asked, “Who are you talking about? Veronica?”
The voice replied, “I was a… friend of Veronica’s. I was there when it happened.”
I was confused. The police reports didn’t say anything about a witness.
“Is there any way we could meet and talk about this? I asked.
The voice replied, “Sure, meet me at Martha’s Café in 20 minutes, I’ll be wearing a red sweatshirt.”
I hurriedly ended the call and threw on jeans and a sweatshirt. Once I arrived at the Café, I walked in and searched for a red sweatshirt. Once I spotted my target, I walked to the table and rapidly started to fire questions at this person.
“Who are you? How did you know Veronica? Why were you the only one with her when she died? Answer my questions now!”
The person looked at me and in a calm voice answered my questions in the same order that I asked.
“My name is Nick, I knew Veronica from therapy, and I was the one going to kill myself and she was there to stop me.”
I sat back in my seat and pondered over the information I just learned.
“What do you mean she was the one there to stop you? Over the phone you said it was a mistake. What was?” I was eager to get the answers I wanted.
“She knew I was going to do it. At first she supported me, but when I actually got serious about it she started acting differently. She started trying to talk me out of it. I didn’t want to listen to her, I already made up my mind. The day it happened, I told her I was going to do it on top of the Trademark Center building. She followed me the whole way and kept trying to talk me out of it. We started arguing after that. I tried to tell her to respect my wishes just this one time… but she never did take orders well, huh? When she started getting closer to the edge of the building, I realized she was never trying to stop me… she was trying to stop herself. It all clicked in my head that she always saw the actions of others as a reflection of her actions. She never truly thought my death would end me, but it would end her. She started rambling about how she couldn’t stop thinking about it, how she wanted to do it. Before I could stop her she just… jumped.”
In that moment, I think I stopped breathing. Veronica wasn’t who I thought she was. The Veronica I knew would never do that to herself; she loved life. She lived everyday like it was her last and in the end… I guess she was the only one to know which day was going to be her last. I got up and said a quick thank you to Nick. I heard all I needed to hear. I went home and just cried. I cried over how stupid I was to think I was inlove with this stranger. I thought I knew who she was, but again I failed at that. The Veronica I knew will forever be in my mind, but the Veronica I know has made a lasting mark on my life. From this moment, I vow to always remember where I came from. I vow to always remember Veronica.

If I had to wear one color for the rest of my life, it would with out a doubt be black. I have black everything: shoes, pants, shirts, jackets, hoodies, socks, hats, and any other item of clothing I didn’t mention. You can call me “emo” (which is really duMb because just because I like black doesn’t mean I live that life style. tbh I just really hate the whole stereotypical emo thing), but really, I just love the color black a whole lot. Some may comment that it’s depressing- the fact that almost everything I own is black. But I don’t find it depressing, to me it’s comforting. I never have to worry about my outfits not matching.

Growing up, I liked and only wore the typical girly colors. My favorite color was pink until like the 5th grade, then I decided I was too cool for it. I abandoned it and moved onto the darker colors, and I guess that’s where my love for black began. I started wearing my older sisters clothes that they didn’t want anymore and all my glittery and sparkly clothes were pushed aside. I’m so glad it only took me 12 years to discover that there are other colors than hot pink, bright purple, and the other colors I would mix together.

“Black is the darkest color, the result of the absence or complete absorption of visible light.” -Google.

I don’t know about you, but I think that sounds pretty cool. The definition of the color its self is so eloquent and graceful. Not only is black a beautiful color, but it has a lot of beautiful symbolism as well. Black is often used to represent death and darkness which sounds really depressing, but I find depressing things especially aesthetic and appealing. Darkness its practically synonymous with the color black, and personally, I don’t think people give enough credit to it for how much calmness it can bring.

“I like black a lot. i really like black. black is my favorite color. it is so nice. it is my favorite feeling. it is all i see when i close my eyes in the blackness of the black night.” 

-poetry 

I wrote that piece with Azya like a month ago and I have to say, its probably my best work yet. I think it really captures the profound fondness of the color black that I have. To conclude this blog post, I would just like to say: black is the best color. Have a nice day.

One thing about me: I love to travel. Learning about and seeing new places is one of my favorite ways to spend my time. For me, my fall break was Thursday the 24th through Tuesday the 29th, and I spent it traveling:) After seeing a advertisement made in Boston some years ago, my mom and I have been talking about how we wanted to go to one day. So, we finally lived up to our word and went this past break. I hope you enjoy this blog post about why it is now my favorite city as I describe my very enjoyable experience to my best effort.

From above the city:

As the plane dove below the puffy white clouds, vibrant trees the colors of oranges, reds, yellows, and dark green surrounded patches of grassy land the color of light greens. Long grey winded roads ran through the trees and land like veins, bringing life to the earth with every lonely car that drove along them. All the trees blended together perfectly, yet each was so distinct with radiant with fall leaves. Getting closer to the city, the faint outlines and shapes of tall buildings appeared and as I moved closer to them, they soon had lively color and character. Each building was so different, mainly a mixture between modern architecture, Gothic architecture, and old brick homes and buildings made in the 17th century.

First impression:

I was expecting for the cold air to hit me like a brick wall, but to my surprise, It wasn’t nearly as cold as I was warned it would be. Instead, I was welcomed with a soft dry breeze of about 60 degrees. They grey cloudy sky contrasted beautifully with the bright changing colors of the numerous trees and the typical smell if most big cities surrounded me. A light aroma of varieties of food with a sweet scent, along with the faint lingering pollution. My mom and I rode a bus from the airport that drove us into the city T Alwife station (For some clarification, In Boston they call the subway the “T”). When we got off the bus, it didn’t take us long to get lost in the devouring city of towering buildings, In fact, It only took about 30 minuets, which I think is pretty impressive. (side note: in case you are not aware, being lost in a big city that you’ve never been to before is kinda scary). Eventually though, after a very long hour or so, we found the T station that would take us to the place we were staying. The first sound I heard as I walked down the stairs to the station was familiar songs being played on a violin. The station its self was dark and matched the depiction of the stations shown in movies and tv shows. Riding the subway for the first time, the first thing I noticed were all the different types of people on it with me. So many different people compacted together, so many different cultures and backgrounds. It made me realize how everyone has a different story and how everyone is so unique in their own way, in all, it just made me appreciate people a lot more. ­

As you can see from the pictures provided above, Boston is a very pretty city, and surprisingly, it’s also very clean. Other than it being breathtakingly beautiful, one of my other favorite things about Boston is that you could walk 400 feet and pass like 5 different restaurants. There’s so many high quality restaurants there. Out of all the restaurants I went to there, not one of them wasn’t amazing. Just like I am passionate about traveling, I am passionate about food as well, so this was a big deal to me.

Boston is has the most advanced education in the country (for college at least). People there take education very seriously, which makes sense considering it is where Harvard is. On Monday last week, I actually went to go tour the Harvard campus and it was astounding, although I didn’t feel worthy to be on its grounds and what not lol. The campus’s buildings were really old- made in the 17th century, meaning it also had a lot of historical significance to go with its spectacular landscape. Boston is actually one of the first states in America to be formed, and is where the revolutionary war took place and where the Declaration of Independence was first read aloud to the public. It was amazing to hear about the history of this city to add to all its character and importance. Like you could just be walking and be like “hey. that’s where Paul Revere lived. “(yes, that actually happened). Not only did various famous events take place in Boston, but many famous people grew up there as well. If you like  gothic literature like me, you’ll find Poe Ally very interesting 😉 Edgar Allan Poe is my favorite writer of all time and he was born in Boston which causes me to be a bit bias to the area- as it is where he grew up. There is a street dedicated to him, and a statue resembling his short stories, “The Tell Tale Heart”, and “The Raven”. It was a copper statue with green tarnish coating it, and represented Poe walking to Baltimore with this coat blowing behind him as he carries a suitcase. Coming out of the suitcase, there is a raven flying with its wide wings spread out above it with its head bowed. Books spill out of the suitcase on the other end of it and on top of a pile formed by the dropped books, there is a detailed heart the size of a football placed on the short stack of pages and books. It is truly a stunning site.

Overall, the city its self is so beautiful and interesting with a lot of originality.  It was so wonderful seeing so many famous sites and hearing about famous people that lived there throughout my stay. If you haven’t been to Boston, I highly recommend going:)

Continue reading “Current favorite city= Boston”

Hey guys,

I missed y’all last week, but I hope everyone had a happy Halloween and are ready for this month of giving thanks! I love Thanksgiving, by the way. I think it is an underrated holiday and is only appreciated for the food. Some people just skip right over it and go straight to Christmas, but I am so blessed, and I use this month to really count those blessings and to be thankful for all that I have. I try to be very grateful in my everyday life, as well, but I especially am in the month of November. Anyway, let’s get to the blog!

If you follow my Instagram, you may have seen my recent post about the new series I’m starting  on the blog. Well, here it is! It’s a fashion series. It’s my first of many* series on my blog, and I am very excited about it. Each week, I am going to feature a person and their unique fashion sense. To start, I am going to do myself. I have been told many times, mainly by Hannah Hays, that I have a “grandma” style. And, it’s true. I’ve learned to own it. I never wanted to, at first, but when I was having to remove shoulder pads from most of my clothing, I realized that I truly do have “grandma” style.

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Upcycling

Attached above is a brief video of Disney star, Dove Cameron, explaining what upcycling is and what it means to her. She describes upcycling as “taking any article of clothing and making it your own” and that is sort of what I do to my clothing. However, most upcycling requires sewing, if you want to add more detailed, extravagant changes to your clothes. Unfortunately, I do not know how to sew, so I can only do minimal changes. Attached is a pictorial of how I upcycled a sweater.

For those who know how to sew, upcycling goes way more in depth. Here’s a video from Youtuber, Madison Fay, who uses sewing to upcycle her clothing.

Thrifting

Most of the items that people upcycle are thrifted. This is mainly because clothing from thrift or consignment stores have cheaper prices than retail prices or because most of the clothing that end up at thrift stores aren’t necessarily on trend with the style, so people transform them into something that is in style. This is kind of what I like to do with my clothes. Below is another pictorial of how I usually go thrifting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Styling

To style something means to make it trendy or fashionable.  How you style an outfit can make or break it. Youtuber, Sierra Schultzzie uploaded a video in which she styled clothes given to her by grandmother and made them cute, modern day outfits.

After trying on an outfit she styled using her grandma’s sweater, Schultzzie said, “It’s very my style, and I also think it’s very on trend. Sometimes my style doesn’t always match up with what’s like trendy at the moment.”

Below is a pictorial of how I styled a “grandma” shirt that I thrifted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fashion

Fashion is subjective. Fashion is whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t matter if you wear “grandma” clothes or only designer brand clothes. It only matters that you feel good and confident. Tune in next week for when I dive into the closet of MSA visual, Emmie Leggett.

The third month of my time at MSA has drawn to a close. Although October had the consistency of frozen oatmeal, it seems as if I typed my September post only days ago. I feel like this is rather consistent with the majority of the population, though.

Nothing catastrophic occurred during October. I did not spontaneously explode into a million specks of tragedy. I did not succumb to a mysterious disease of the mind. I did not wake up and find myself stranded in an ocean infested with pizza-shark hybrids. But the month was, indeed, a month. I woke up every single day, and then I went back to sleep (for the most part). And can you believe that I was up to my old tricks? Yeah, I spent those thirty-one days respiring and digesting like an absolute crazy person. And, guess what? I even let my blood circulate.

Gasp.

I apologize for the horrors presented in the paragraph above. I promise that I will now attempt to keep my audience in mind. By the way, I would like to thank each and every one of my viewers. You guys read words, and I find that super cool.

But, enough jokes aside, October did prove a pleasant surprise at points. I found the weather most exciting. Since I despise exceedingly warm temperatures and sometimes think of the sun as my antagonist, I found the sudden change in weather quite glorious. I know that I will miss the sun when all of the trees seem dead and decrepit, but I do not care at this point. Summer lasts literally ages compared to other, better seasons. And although the natural world can be oh so decadent during the warmer months, it can be even more flavorful during the fall. The earth flaunts its last bit of flora before the frost, and the trees fade in satisfying shades of color. Later, the leaves pepper the ground like little freckles. I am especially fond of the yellow leaves because they seem so acidic, like lemons. Anyway, pieces of my favorite kind of weather accompanied October, and I hope it lingers. I hope no absurd flashes of warm weather puncture it either.

October had a theme of beauty. More so, it had a theme of fighting to feel this beauty. Life, although apathetic to the strife of the individual, seems as if it seeks to ruin you. It seems as if it seeks to corrode your skin and your mind and your appreciation. We all exist in such an elaborate painting of existence, but the paint feels cracked and muddled at some points. At others, the paint seems to glow. When running is smooth and the road is even smoother, everything exists in a bright and yellow fashion. But feet fall flat and sink into cracked concrete, and the sky flings wrath down in the form of lashing raindrops. The trees relinquish their leaves which saturate the ground like deferred dreams. But living means appreciating this instead of solely trusting in the sun and its light and its happiness. You can not think of the world with a smile only when it treats you well, as living is a fight to feel filled with beauty. Living is a fight in itself, but it is also a fight for possession of appreciation.

All in all, October has been a month, indeed. I have compared this year’s situation to last year’s quite a bit, and I see evidence of growth. I hope this trend continues.

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Wednesday’s Fun Fact:

You are an individual with a ton of potential.

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Okay, so I’ll be honest with you: podcasts make me so happy. They are genuinely my not-so-guilty pleasure. And recently, I found this amazing  podcast. It’s called Unfinished Thoughts and it’s on Spotify and Apple Music. When I tell you this podcast slaps, it S L A P S.  All it really is is a look into the mind of a normal teenage student. The speaker is named Gael (I’m pretty sure you pronounce it gay-ell) and he just talks about what’s on his mind. Sometimes he speaks for almost 20 minutes, sometimes he speaks for barely 5. It all depends on what kind of day he’s having. It’s a very easy to relate to and it genuinely makes you feel less alone in the world. It’s so good and I highly recommend listening to it if you like podcasts.

That being said, I really wanna make a podcast. Like, I have ideas, and they’re all really cool. The only issue is financial stability. Who has the money to buy a computer, a good quality mic, AND an editor. That requires moo-lah that I, as an American citizen, am not in possession of. I have expenses to pay and food to buy. But I am still so in love with the thought of making and producing my own podcast. Like, bro!! My own, personal, creative baby that I can make and produce and edit in real time!!!! That sounds like a d r e a m.

Beings that all I have for this podcast is dreams, let me share some of them with you, the broader audiences of Mississippi:

1. I want to make a sci-fi one set in real time and space, but in a different reality. Like, I want to make the listener feel as if their listening their life in another timeline without it actually being their life. I know it sounds confusing but I read a book called Radio Silence back in 8th Grade and I fell in love with this idea almost immediately (go read Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. It is a younger audience book but the story is SO GOOOOOODDDDDDD).
2. I would like to make a podcast in which I just speak. Not in a narcissistic or attention seeking way. I just would like to have an outlet where I can tell people about stuff that happens in the life of a random 16 year old child and feel as if I’m making someone else feel less alone in the world, ya’ know? Also, it could help preteens understand what they’re entering into when they become a teenager because the movies don’t do it right. Out of my 16 years on this earth, I don’t think I’ve ever had a pillowfight with my best friends while Heroes by David Bowie played in the background. WHO DOES THAT???????

aNYWAYS, yeah. My dream is to make a podcast and I’m kinda salty that I’m broke.