Category: Junior Literary

In our poetry class, we are assigned to journal every single day. Some days, it’s free writing, and other days we have assignments. Recently, we had an assignment; randomly flip to a page of the dictionary, and write something inspired by the first word you see. My word was, pastoral.

There are a couple different meanings for the word, pastoral, but the one I chose, was that it meant “peaceful/innocent.”

The first thing that popped in my head, was music. I’ve noticed my music taste has been changing into a more conglomerate, coherent thing, rather than being a jumble of odd bits and bobs. It’s become more of soft, peaceful, “indie/alternative pop” that is popular I guess? No idea, but still I’m pretty pleased with it right now. And that music to me is pastoral.

Here are some songs that are peaceful to me.

If you’d like to listen to a playlist of all these songs compiled in order, I made one for the purpose of this blog!

“pretty girl” – Clairo

This song, despite having notes of a gloomier topic, has peaceful acoustics, that makes me feel content in a way. Ugh, I love it so much. It talks about the fondness of memories, and also talks about how love can make us fools. 10/10 song

“Polaroid of you dancing in my room.”

“when the party’s over” – billie eilish

Another sad bop. I have a knack for listening to sad, sad songs. There’s something about this song that just makes me f e e l, ya know? I interpreted the story as a girl who’s experiencing unrequited love from a person that keeps using her. While this all sounds so melancholy, I somehow get peacefulness from it, because the girl is aware of this fact, and has a very matter-of-fact tone. It’s weird how calm this song makes me feel. Don’t get me wrong though, it also has me cryin’ in the club.

“Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin’, but nothin’ ever stops you leavin’.”

“Lemon Boy” – cavetown 

This song’s imagery makes me so happy. And that’s the tea. No, but in all seriousness this song is able to portray such a sweet, and interesting story, and it really resonates with me. In a peaceful way, that is.

“It’s actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him. So, I got myself a citrus friend.”

“hong kong” – mxmtoon 

A nice imagery song as well. Makes me want to travel more, which is interesting because I’m a lil’ bit of a homebody. I’ve always been the type to be scared of adventure, but this song breaks that. Maybe I’ll go to Hong Kong one of these days.

“yellow cars, smoggy skies, neon lights attract your eyes.”

“Dance, Baby!” – boy pablo 

This song has nostalgia for a memory I don’t have, and that’s something powerful that the artist has done. The vocals and vibe of this song remind me of the 80’s somehow? No idea, but boy pablo pulls this song together nicely. It’s also incredible how this is more of an upbeat vibe-y song, but it stills manages to invoke a serene feeling.

“I’m left alone, should have stayed at home, and searched how to date on Chrome.”

“Cherry Cola” – Jon  Kuwada

The way the artist talks about the girl in this song with descriptive metaphors and similes makes my heart smile. It’s so sweet how highly he thinks of her, based on this song. Hearing how important this relationship is to the artist, is something that adds to the song’s peacefulness.

“No clouds in the sky, ’cause she brings that sunshine.”

That’s a wrap!! There are some songs that I find pastoral.

My favorite thing about the latter half of the year is that ABC Family (now Freeform) has these “X Days of Halloween/Christmas”. Right now for the wonderful month of October, they have “31 Days of Halloween.” While here, I haven’t been able to actually watch it, but when I go home, that’s what I plan on doing. Maybe Saturday, my friend and I could watch it while we bake or hang out or whatever. I like that Freeform provides a schedule for their movies. Here’s the link for the movie schedule.

I can’t believe how much this month has flown by. This year has flown by too. It’s crazy, really. But I guess that’s time for you. Always moving, never stopping for anyone. We will continue this slow, never-ending march of time until we come to an end. 

But anyways! I love fall. Fall is awesome. I’d write a poem about fall, but it’d just be stupid. Nothing could truly capture my love for fall, and that’s okay. Because I know how much I love fall. And that’s all that matters to me. 

Maybe I’ll attempt at a poem for fall, but that’ll be the next blog post. Till then, ciao! 

As you guys are fully aware, i’ve been way too stressed and emotionally upset.

 

but it’s okay

 

because i have

.

.

.

fictional characters and other stuff

 

I would just like to give some high quality appreciation to the following things that make the struggle of life more bearable.

1. memes

Memes are a part of internet culture. Memes depict funny images with a relatable caption. Memes have evoloved over time, and now have different kinds, FOr example, Surreal memes use 3d images and clip art, with vapor wave like backgrounds to convey humor. Another example is Metamemes. Metamemes are self aware. they can star out with a funny caption, but suddenly stop it by saying ” Insert Text”

 

2. Anime

Anime.

 

3. obscure documentaries and “top 10” videos in my recommended on youtube.

I’m not realy sure how all these obscure videos got on my youtube feed, but I’ve been enjoying them nonetheless. ive always for sure needed to know the top ten things to do in Rome. Or the 110 facts about Animal Crossing that i may have missed. janice is on her way to recovering from an addiction to acting like a lizard? go for it, Janice.

4.various video game characters.

I mean, hey, they aren’t real but they sure do appreciate me playing as the main character. protagonists for the win. personal shoutouts to all my waifus. Every character from Fire Emblem. Now, Nah, Robin, Panne, all my lovely homegirls.  I appreciate all of your support conversations.

5. clearance purses from the thrift stores. 

If a purse is so bad, that its on clearance in a thrift store, then it is the purse for me. I have acquired many monstrosities across the years from my rigorous work ethic of digging through piles of dusty purses from years past.

6. stuffed animals I get attached to before leaving a store.

do you ever see a stuffed animal and just know you can’t leave without it? that happens rather often with me. Some call it an obsession. I call it compassion. I see, I like, I buy. If I don’t, I just feel guilty about it.

 

I guess the things I like can be weird, but aren’t we all a little weird? what are some things that make you guys happy?

This weekend I went to see the new Halloween movie. My mom came over to the theatre to but my friend and I the tickets because the movie is rated R and we couldn’t get in otherwise.

So my friend Haley and I go into the movie theater. She wants candy even though we had JUST ATE. But anyways, we wait in the line to get the candy. We are almost to the front when the ticket guy comes over to us. “Can I see your IDs?” he said.

Haley and I looked at each other, then told him we weren’t seventeen. So this guy is like you can’t go in there, you need to either go to another movie or get a refund. Well, the only other movies on had either already started or were just no good, so we asked for a refund.

The lady at the front who was selling the tickets was really rude and said “well if you want a refund you will have to wait for everyone else to get their tickets.” And the ticket line was SO. LONG. It wouldn’t go down, either. People just kept showing up and the line just kept getting longer and longer.

Haley and I were super frustrated, but we had to wait to get our money. So, we went over to the right wall and sat down. People were bustling about and staring at us, but we didn’t even care. We were laughing at the fact that she was turning seventeen in just a few weeks, and that we could have gotten in if she had just not wanted candy.

I called my mom to tell her what was happening, and she laughed so hard she was crying. She decided she would just come watch the movie with us. So, Haley ended up getting her candy and we ended up getting to see the movie.

It was super gory and full of jump-scares and totally worth all the trouble. Definitely recommend it to those of you with moms who will go with you!

Fearless-2008: I remember vividly being about six years old in my mom’s beat-up Neon listening to overplayed music on the radio. I never really payed attention due to the fact that I was a first grader with two barbies in my hands. However, whenever the now iconic tune “You Belong With Me” came on, I stopped whatever I was doing and sang along. After my mother observed my absolute love for Taylor, she got me the Fearless album for my birthday. I was so stoked. I remember listening to it on repeat on my little MP3 Player I also got for my birthday. In a matter of two weeks I knew every word to all 13 songs on the album. I would ride my bike up and down my street singing along. I didn’t see it then, but it was sort of my escape.

Speak Now-2010: This album has some of my favorite Taylor Swift songs on it. I remember being in third grade and some of the kids were mean to me. They’d call me names and make fun of everything I ever did. So you know what I did? I sang “Mean” at the talent show. (Yep, I was that girl.) They still were mean to me, but it was an empowering moment for me. Other than that, I’d stay up on Saturday nights playing with my toys listening to “Enchanted” and “Last Kiss” until my mom would come in and tell me it was time to go to bed.

Red– 2012: Fifth grade was an experience. It was the year I met my (still to this day) best friend, the year I discovered my love for writing, and the year I became obsessed with the song “22.” In a way I began writing because of Taylor Swift. I remember I was at my best friends house watching YouTube (this was also the year we discovered YouTube, and we were very fascinated). We decided to look at Taylor Swift interviews, us both being avid Taylor Swift lovers. In one of her interviews she talked about writing her own music, and how she had kept journals ever since she was younger. And that is where my love for writing began. I got a journal and began with just writing about what happened that day. Then, it turned into writing stories, just using my imagination. I even started writing songs(I’m not saying they were good.) I guess what I’m saying is this album helped shape me into the person I am today.

1989- 2014: May 22, 2015 was by far one of the best days I’ve ever had. It was the day I saw Taylor Swift in concert, and let me tell you, I had such a great time. My 19 year old uncle had to take me because everyone else was busy(and yes, I did see and hear you jamming along beside me when you thought I wasn’t looking.) I got the tickets for my 13th birthday, and let me tell you, I was stoked. That entire day my uncle and I listened to the 1989 album probably 200 times. I’m pretty sure I cried as anyone would seeing their idol in concert. Fun fact: Due to my grandmother working the concert, I met Taylor Swift’s dad, which was an experience in itself. He gave me a glow up bracelet, which I still have and will never get rid of. This was definitely the best birthday present I’ve ever received.

Reputation– 2017: This album is by far my favorite album from Taylor, and it is iconic. The amount of times I’ve heard the infamous line “I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now…Why?…Oh!…Cause she’s dead.” I remember the day she released the single “Look What You Made Me Do,” I was completely shook(for lack of a better word.) I wasn’t used to this Taylor. Then her other singles “Call It What You Want”(personal favorite), “Gorgeous” and “Read For It…” came out and I just could not contain the amount of excitement I had for this album. And that’s when the day came where it was released. I remember pre-ordering it about two weeks before. When it finally came out, I listened to that album (and still occasionally do) about 2397423 times just in the first month. It was iconic and so weirdly relatable. At the time, I was working on my character and who I was. I was changing and evolving, and this album is about exactly that.

Needless to say, Taylor Swift’s music really helped me to grow in a way. I know people give me hate for even liking her music, but that doesn’t matter to me. I like what I like.

This is for

every moment I held your hand

whether it be in the literal sense

or the figurative

 

This is for

the dancing I made you do

that you loved

but never admitted

 

This is for

every smile, laugh, and kiss we shared

all the truths I whispered to you

that you never believed

 

This is for

our lives before each other

and the tales we shared

trusting someone for the first time

 

This is for

our youth

the story of first loves

the passion that bubbled beneath our young flesh

 

This is for

the dreams we shared

the plans we had

the promises we made

 

This is for

the scars and the tears

that still stain our skin

that we hate but never want to lose

 

This is for

your options

that you explored

Leaving me to await your return

 

This is for

me tearing you down

for letting me down

and leaving us both in tears

 

This is for

The confidence that we grew

and destroyed

which we needed, but could not hold on to

 

This is f0r

the feelings that we did not understand

but pretended to

as they began to consume us

 

This is for

last kisses on an old couch

but not knowing how final

it really was this time

 

This is for

the words we screamed

but did not mean

the pain I felt when you left… again

 

This is for

begging you

to come back

until the day came I no longer wanted that

 

This is for

the years that were not wasted

but encompassed with so much

loving betrayal

 

This is for

trying to be friends

but failing

and giving up

 

This is for

seeing each other

after all had ended

and the infiltration of wonder

 

This is for

the possibilities

of what we could have been

but never will become

 

This is for

who we are now

and all the ways we have grown

all the ways we have weakened

 

This is for

kissing someone else

that sour taste left in my mouth

that I eventually craved

 

This is for

the second loves

and moving on

but never forgetting

 

This is for

the phrase “I am not in love with you,

but I will always love you.”

My first love, forevermore

 

Moving is hectic. Rather you are moving miles away, or just down the driveway, it is a very stressful time. You see, my mother is moving in with her fiancé, and I’m moving into a small house on my grandparents’ property. My grandparents are moving on to the same property, and my older brother and his fiancé are moving into my grandparents’ old house. It’s been a wild experience, but it has actually been very beneficial for me.

I have bookshelves at both my old house and my grandparents’ old house, and they are loaded with notebooks and folders full of my writing from over the years. I haven’t opened any of them in ages because I have been trying to let that girl go. I have been trying to forget how she felt, and why she felt that way, but I had to decide rather to throw all those notebooks away, or go through them and save something worth saving.

Now keep in mind, I am talking about fifty or more notebooks full of scattered thoughts. Who would want to go through a twelve-to-fifteen-year-old’s entire collection of senseless emotions? Not me. I wanted to trash it all and move on with my life, and I was fully prepared to do it. I threw them all in a box, and vowed to get rid of them.

This weekend, my best friend came over to help me with the moving, and she stumbled across a ripped up, red folder. She threw it at me, and I opened it thoughtlessly. Inside was a short story and poem that I had written is eighth grade. These to pieces are the only award-winning pieces I have, mainly because I was too terrified to submit anything. As I read over them, something connected inside of me. I remembered writing them; I remembered how it felt. They weren’t my greatest pieces, but I remembered how proud eighth grade me was when I heard that voicemail telling me that I had won first place in poetry and short-story in the Pike County Literary Competition. I haven’t felt that pride in a long time.

Back then, I was convinced that I was an amazing writer. It was before I had real things to worry about. It was before the competitiveness busted inside me. It was that period after my world fell apart for the fist time and before I lost myself. It was that period when I knew who I was and I was proud.

I decided to read through the rest of the notebooks, and it broke my heart. I was finding my voice then. Everything was so bare. It was horrible writing, but it was a beautiful thought.

A weight was lifted off me. I felt a little more free than I did before. I could feel my soul finding that passion again. It has been missing for a while.

I guess sometimes you have to find your younger-self, before you can figure out who you are.

I have this friend whose a writer, just like me. He recently told me that mostly everything he writes, comes true. I did not believe him until I observed it for myself. As time went on, I realized the things that were happening in his life, had been previously written by him. For example, this first poem he wrote about two weeks ago. It is called The First Time We Met.

“As I walked up to him, he wrapped his strong  arms around me. I gazed deep into his eyes, hoping the moment would never end. I crossed my fingers and whispered thank you to the one above for making my dream come true.  I rested my head on his chest as he spoke sweet things in my ear. A tear shed from my eye, not knowing what this feeling was. It was weird, yet I liked it. We sat under the stars and talked nearly all night long. He held me tighter by the second, assuring me that everything would be alright. And the last thing I remember him saying was,’I promise I will never hurt you.’ My response was, ‘And I promise I will never forget the first time we met.'”

Ironically, the next week, the exact thing happened to him. I was amazed at the possibilities of what he would write next, just to see if he would receive the same outcome. So, that same week, he wrote a poem entitled No, Not You.

“You came and greeted with that hypnotizing smile of yours. Like a fool, I fell for it. I let you hold me and sell me the sweetest of dreams. I had my guard up all along, but somehow, I let you push it right down under my heart. I know I get attached  fast, maybe a little too fast. Did you get what you want and leave? You said no, but should I believe you? You haven’t given me a lot of reasons to not believe you, yet you have. I hope I’m just in my heart about this all because…. no, not you.”

Truth be told, everything he suspected, was true. The only part of this poem that was not true was the other person leaving. Some may call this crazy, freaky, or strange. I consider it to be quite fascinating. My friend is psychic. What do you think?

 

 

As you all may know, October is mental health awareness month. If this were a few years ago, I wouldn’t have paid much attention to it and subconsciously thought that it’s okay and people are able to easily get help. However, now that I’m older and struggle with mental health more than I did at the time, I realize that this is not the issue. In order to contribute to the understanding of mental health, I decided to share a piece based off of how anxiety feels like from my perspective as someone who struggles with it. Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses in the United States. According to the ADAA, it affects 40 million adults that’s above the age of 18. Something that’s even more saddening, though, is the fact that anxiety disorders can be treated but only 36.9% of the people who have anxiety actually get treated. Anxiety often leads to depression and vice versa and it’s angering and upsetting that we have the materials to help people with these mental illnesses and disorders, yet so few people actually get treated.

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Remember the worm who wriggled around in her peach?
Giggling to itself as she bit into the sweet fruit.
She wished she’d known.
It waltzed its way into her body, finding its way into her brain.
“I wish I could whisper sweet nothings to you, but you must listen to what’s important, first.”

It set out to terrify.
It wanted to abolish every well-meaning thought inside her head.
Get out get out get out,
Please get out.
It only laughed though and continued about its job.

She desperately wanted out and needed to stop the worm from talking.
A short time later, she met the “magic” fish.
With the worm and his torment, she could not think clearly.
“What’s your wish?”
“There’s a worm, can you get him out?”

A badger had sat at the edge of the pond, watching with a wide smirk across his face.
“Of course, I can get him out, your troubles will stop in no time.”
The badger began to chuckle silently and whispered, “silly girl.”
The fish opened his mouth wide and it felt as if someone was yanking her brain from her skull.
She looked up, and there was the worm sitting upon the fish’s tongue.

“Wow, how can I-“
The whispering began to start about more terribly than before.
“I thought you got the worm out!”
All three laughed and as the fish sank into the water, worm in his mouth, the badger just smiled.
“The worm only provoked it; it was inside you to begin with.”

---

 

 

I think I may have an addiciton. Not to a drug, or a hobby. No, I have an addiction to a beverage. It’s tea.

Seriously, I don’t know why I love tea as much as I do. It’s literally one of the only things I will drink, besides water and the occasional Sprite. Hot tea, cold tea, strawberry tea- in my mind, it’s all fair game. I love to slurp that dirty leaf juice.

I usually drink tea before I go to bed. It helps calm me down, and gets me in a sleepy mood. I also drink tea during some of my literary classes- I just finished a cup a minute or so ago.

Do I have a caffeine addiction? I don’t think so, becasue I don’t really drink tea for the caffeine. I drink it for the *~flavor~* alone, honestly.

Some tea tastes like normal tea. It’s a special flavor, that leaf water from the gods. Just the right amount of a tang, mixed with sugar, but not too much, or else it becomes almost like syrup.

Some tea has a fruit flavor added to it. Like tea with lemonade- that’s pretty good. Or tea with any sort of tangy fruit, really. I don’t usually drink it all that often, but when I do, it is a gift. 

—

Hot tea. Let’s talk about it. Oh my god. 

I’ve been drinking hot tea longer than I have cold tea. My parents would make it whenever I had a sore throat- and because of allergies, I had a sore throat a lot. Hot tea with honey was, and still is, a favorite of mine. I don’t think my childhood would be the same if I had never experienced the glory that is hot tea. 

I know what you’re thinking: “wow, you’re really obsessed with hot tea.” And you’re completely right. I am obsessed with it. Maybe a little too much, if I’m being honest. But really, what harm am I doing?

I don’t put a lot of honey in my tea these days, because one time I got sick after I had put some in my tea, so these days I mostly stick to my good old friend sugar. Sugar is a friend. He really is sweet. 

Okay I’ll stop with the personification now. Maybe. 

What was the point of this blog? To tell of my love for tea. Did I do that? I like to think that I did, at least partially. If you take anything away, let it be this: 

I love the dirty leaf juice that is tea.