Wiccan (Marvel/Dc)

Wiccan or Billy Kaplan-Altman 

Ok so this will be a bit of information, so I hope your prepared. I’ll be going in order my categories so stay with me and enjoy.

Powers

Billy or Wiccan powers are primarily magic with a bonus of electrokineses from his hands that he can use to either attack or defended he has access to healing, teleportation magic, the ability to control the elements and force fields also the ability to make anything he can imagine (he’s kind of op)  

Enemies

His rival and who some would call nemesis is none other than the handsome devil Loki laufeyson. Well, the reincarnated/ teenage version of him anyway. The pair represents the other sides of themselves for Loki, Billy represents himself if he tried to be good and for Billy, Loki represents himself if he decided to give in to evil urges. 

His other enemy isn’t as widely known but their name is Evil Mother, and their main goal is to take Billy’s power for themselves, and they also Manipulated his boyfriend’s parents in order to trick Wiccan

Family

Billy is the son of Wanda and Vision and brother of tommy. He was created in the hex and his soul went to hell where Mephestio took their souls and implanted them in new bodies. 

Wanda spent years searching for Billy but since she couldn’t find them, she went to doctor Doom in hopes of answers, but she was met with no answer.

during a mission to find information about skull they ran into someone that looked suspiciously like Billy. this is where we get introduced to Billy’s brother Speed who is Billy’s twin

Team

Billy is apart of the Young Avengers when the younger version of Kang the conqueror found a contingency play made by the avenger in case something happened to them. Iron lad (kang) sought the young avengers out to stop his future self from returning to the future.

Young Avengers by Kieron Gillen & Jamie Mckelvie (Hardcover) | Comic Issues  | Marvel

the young avengers disband and reunite almost every year. it’s like a toxic relationship that you keep being surprised that they’re back together now.

 

Relationship (Wickling)

Both Billy and Teddy  both met when Iron lad brought them to the Young Avengers where they got close in a short amount of time because Billy learned how to use his magic from teddy’s mom self help book. while we the readers don’t see much of their relationship we can infer they spent a lot of time together and after Iron lad gets lost into the time stream Billy falls into a depression where Teddy proposes to him and they get married and going across the universe together 

Steph’s Review of Stadium Arcadium (Disc 1)

It’s about time I get this blog out. I’ve been planning a Red Hot Chili Peppers blog since New Years. My original plan was to make a huge blog post (like, over 2,000 words) reviewing every single album they’ve ever made. That’s 13 albums! So (after a while of fighting myself) I scrapped that idea, knowing it was 100 times easier to break down one album at a time (or in this case, half an album at a time).

This blog’s focus will be Stadium Arcadium! I’ve been listening to this album for a few weeks now, and I’ve definitely grown an unhealthy attachment to it.

Stadium Arcadium is an entire 2 hours long with a 30 minute commentary at the end, and it was released in 2006. In this blog, I’ll be going over disc 1, which contains 14 songs.

definitely one of my favorite album covers by RHCP!
1. Dani California

“California, show your teeth”

This is such a good song to start this album. It’s definitely a classic, and I think it’s one of the best RHCP songs ever. I have so many memories tied to this song, good and bad, and that makes it really special to me. I think the beat is so catchy and the instrumentals go so well with the vocals. I’m embarrassed to say I don’t know much about the actual production of music, all I know is that it sounds good and I like it! The chorus is also really good and the background vocals support it so well. 10/10

2. Snow (Hey Oh)

“The more I see, the less I know / The more I’d like to let it go”

Another amazing classic. This is one of the most popularly covered RHCP songs that I’ve seen purely because of the guitar part. I think it’s amazing and it’s really unique. When I first got into RHCP a few years ago, I remember not really liking this song. Unfortunately, my opinion hasn’t changed that much… To me, it’s really repetitive to the point where I get bored. I still absolutely love this song, just not as much as others. I will admit, the lyrics are heartbreaking in a way that hits me right in the soul. 7/10

3. Charlie

“My heart, your skin, this love I’m in”

This is one of my favorite songs on the entire album! I’ll admit, I have no clue what he’s talking about in the lyrics, but it sounds really good. My favorite part about this entire song is the background vocals. I think they add a lot of support and fun to the song! And the chorus bridge is so amazing. I feel that part through my whole body and the lyrics in that part are so good! 11/10

4. Stadium Arcadium

“The stadium arcadium / A mirror to the moon”

This is the perfect title track for this album. I think it represents the album in such a beautiful and meaningful way. It completely clears my mind in the way a song never has before. I just completely zone out when I listen to this song, I just think it’s so beautiful. I don’t even know how to describe the instrumentals, everything is just so well done. It feels so universal, like I imagine space when I listen to it (maybe because of the album cover). 9/10

5. Hump de Bump

“It’s not about the smile you wear, but the way we make out”

If “Stadium Arcadium” made you sleepy, this is the perfect song to wake you up. I don’t even know what it’s about, and honestly, I don’t think I want to… I’d rather stay oblivious. It’s so fun, it’s so funky, and it gets stuck in my head all the time. My friends hate to hear me sing this. I love the trumpet and the “oh no!” part. 8/10

6. She’s Only 18

“(Knock the world) / Right off its feet and straight onto its head”

Walk with me here. This song is so good. I was going to talk about how I don’t pay attention to the lyrics and only listen to the sound but curiosity got me and I deeply regret researching the meaning behind this song… Anyway, I love the background vocals. 6/10

7. Slow Cheetah

“It’s so bad it’s got to be good / Mysterious girl misunderstood”

What a song to unwind to after “Hump de Bump” and “She’s Only 18.” This song makes me grab onto my t-shirt like my life depends on it. I think this is one of the only songs on the album that uses an acoustic guitar and I think it’s so beautiful. I really love this song and it reminds me of the By The Way album. 7.5/10

8. Torture Me

“I want it all, I want it bad / Oh, it’s what I know”

What a heartbreaking song. It’s still really fast paced, but rather than catchy (like most of this album’s fast paced songs), it comes off as quick and desperate and that perfectly captures the lyrics and overall meaning of the song. I love the breakdown in the chorus, it adds some clarity to balance through the noise. 7/10

9. Strip My Mind

“Please don’t strip my mind / Leave something behind”

I mentioned “Torture Me” to be a heartbreaking song, but this is the most heartbreaking song on the album (to me). I absolutely love the background vocals and I think they add a lot of grit and personality to this song. I just take a deep sigh every time I hear this song, I love it. 8/10

10. Especially in Michigan

“Cry me a future / Where the revelations run amok”

I really enjoy listening to this song. I’m not sure what this song could possibly be about, but I really enjoy seeing the metaphors that are pieced together from anywhere and everywhere. The background vocals (once again) bring in so much element and the effect over them also fits so well into this song. I also love how the electric guitar (?) at the beginning matches the background vocals that you can hear later in the song. 8/10

11. Warlocks

“Every night I go looking for you / Everyone in the world adores you”

This song is a lot catchier than I thought it would’ve been. It took a lot of warming up to for me to actually like it, but after that, it’s one of my favorites on the album. I think it’s really unique and the flow of the vocals is so strange, I really like it. I’m a huge fan of the bass in this song. 7.5/10

12. C’mon Girl

“And if you let it germinate / I know it will be worth the wait”

This was my favorite song when I first listened to this album. I thought it was really enjoyable and stimulating. The background vocals extend the sound and they really open it up to add so much more depth. It’s moved its way down my list of favorites as I listen to it more, I think I was just so enamored with the chorus that I could only see it as my favorite for a few weeks. 7/10

13. Wet Sand ★

“Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / You don’t form at all / Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / I do”

This is my favorite song of all time. This song has such a special place at the bottom of my heart where it is playing on repeat all day, all night. This is actually one of the only songs that I’ve been extremely interested in learning the meaning of. Flea, RHCP’s bassist, says the song is about loving the dark parts of a person along with their good parts. I’m all about loving the human experience and the flesh and blood that creates it with the mind, so that hits me in a place that’s really special. Everything about this song just means so much to me, from the meaning, to the instrumentals, to the vocals. I especially love the whistling and, of course, the chorus. All of it is so beautifully crafted. I think I could scream these lyrics until I die. 100/10

14. Hey

“Hey, what would you say if I change / I’ll change everything but my name”

The lyrics to this song are so gut-wrenching it’s actually insane. But. I do not care for the sound as much as I wished I did. It’s just really plain to me, but I really enjoy the lyrics. I will admit, it’s really catchy. And I love the little triangle part. Not my favorite song to end on, but I still love it. 6/10

And that’s disc 1! I absolutely love this album and I’m really happy that I get to share it now. I used to think that disc 1 was the better half of Stadium Arcadium but I honestly think both halves are amazing. I know my ratings averaged around 7/10 because I love all of these songs equally (for the most part), so it’s really hard to rate them. But when you see a low rating, keep in mind that this is my favorite album right now. So those 6/10’s and 7/10’s that you see are still some of my favorite songs ever. The rating used to compare the songs to each other.

I loved breaking down these songs and talking about them, I can’t wait to do disc 2 because it has a lot more diversity in the tracks.

My favorite short stories/flash fictions

 

It’s been forever since I’ve written a blog.  The last time I wrote one of these had to be three long weeks ago. I don’t remember what obsession I wrote about last time but I’m happy to start racking my brain every Wednesday again and reading y’all’s amazing blogs. Today, I’m going to be talking about some of my favorite short stories/flash fictions. These are stories I read to find inspiration, to study different elements of writing, or just for entertainment. Their genres include mystery, dystopian, and memoir/childhood. (My favorites). They are all really good, and I personally can’t get enough of them. Let me know if you guys have read them or would like to read them.

  1. Orange World (Short story):

This short story is written by Karen Russell. It belongs to her short story collection book, “Orange World and Other Stories.”  In this short story a woman who has suffered from miscarriages in the past makes a deal with the devil to protect her unborn child. In return for making sure her baby is delivered safely, the devil asks the woman to breastfeed it. I love this story so much. Not just because the plot is super bizarre and unique, but also the construction of this world is so interesting to learn about as you read. The setting greatly resembles our natural world; however, demons can interact and communicate with humans. The setting is super mysterious but in an evoking way that makes you want to know more, like does this story really occur on earth or could the woman be hallucinating the little demon? At the same time, the demon represents the draining reality of motherhood, and the woman’s guilty consciousness. This is an interesting read, and it’s packed with unique moments. Karen Russell is an amazing dystopian/ magical realist writer.

  1. Guilia (Flash Fiction):

 This flash fiction is written by Keri Miller. This story follows the narrator, a mischievous, adventurous young girl and her close friend Guilia. The two girls have an inseparable bond, but it’s clear that the narrator has a childlike envy towards Guilia because of her wealthy lifestyle. Though, the narrator recognizes that Guilia isn’t perfect (her father is romantically unstable, and her mother is an alcoholic.)  When they become adults and have children, the narrator develops a sense of empathy for Giulia’s life, but it’s clear that she can’t fully relate to her family struggles. The most devastating part of this story is that Guilia was never understood by the closest person in her life. It adds to the bittersweet end. This story is vivid, detailed, fun, sadly sweet, and absolutely amazing. I am in love with the narrator, the language, the setting, the small details, and the theme of childhood in this flash fiction. The author is amazing at crafting such a vivid world, its crazy.

  1. Lamb to the slaughter (Short story):

 Lamb to the slaughter is a short story written by Roald dahl in 1953. Most people have read this in their English Comp class, which is no surprise because it’s a classic. I can’t even communicate how much I love this story. It is so simple but also intricate for its time. It establishes urgency, mystery, and anticipation. I’m on the edge of my seat every time I read it. Mary Maloney is crazy, but she’s the most surprising character you’ll ever meet. When I want to create a character that has lost their self-control, I think of Mary Maloney. I read this story every month or so, and it’s still the goat, I love it. 

 

 

SPIDER-MAN 2

So, this weekend was one of the rare go-home weekends that I actually brought home my PS5, so I wasn’t dying of boredom. I just bed rotted a little better. But I began to replay Spider-Man 2 to finish the new game+ thing on there because I want to 100% the game (I’m still mad there’s not going to be a dlc).

Essentially, new game+ is the normal game, but you have all the things you unlocked in your first playthrough, or whatever saved playthrough it is attached to. I hope that makes sense. There are also exclusive skins and abilities to new game+. If you finish the story, you get a trophy and if you completely 100% the playthrough, it’s another trophy. Trophies are the missions/challenges you have to complete to 100% a game. The platinum trophy is what you get when you finish all the trophies. I have platinum on Spider-Man 1 and Spider-Man: Miles Morales.

I started new game+ a few months ago when it finally came out, but I kind of stopped for a while because I had severe stick drift on my controller. Now that I have a new controller, I finally picked it back up. And I quickly remember why I sat down and finish the game in one night for the first time when I got it. I really enjoy the story, because it’s one of the few things that really portrays the addiction Peter has to the symbiote suit. Not every Spider-Man media portrays it as that, so I’m happy to see it in this form. It makes it very realistic (aside from the crime fighting and superpowers.)

The gameplay for it is also different from the gameplay in the first two games. Yeah, it has pretty similar fighting styles, but now there are extra abilites and power moves that both Spider-Men can do. Oh yeah, you can play as both Peter and Miles. There are also new moves like parrying and traversal stuff like loop-de-loops. Did I mention they can fly now.

Playing that game makes you feel so strong and heroic. It really pulls you into the Spider-Man experience, and the games have never disappointed with that. If you guys didn’t know, I really like Spider-Man and I really like how the games capture him. They are my favorite games in the entire world, and I can’t wait for the wolverine game to come out because it was made by Insomniac (the people who made the Spider-Man games). They never disappoint with their stories, and it really shows that they actually care about these characters and want to give them a good representation.

PLEASE INSOMNIAC, CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT NOT ADDING THE DLC’S.

Fav Hamilton songs ranked!!

Hamilton will always be top 5 musicals for me (I’ve only seen about five.) But that’s not the point. It was written by the musical genius Lin-Manuel Miranda. The songs are amazing, but of course I have favorites. SO, THIS WILL BE MY TOP 10!!

Hamilton at Victoria Palace Theatre

10. You’ll be back

You'll Be Back "Hamilton" Jonathan Groff in 2020 | Jonathan groff ...

You’ll be back will always be a classic favorite. It has to be one of the most popular Hamilton songs and I think it’s the first one I ever heard. It is sung by Jonathan Groff, and he does an amazing job as his role of King George. The song is one that never fails to make me wanna sing and I think it kinda gives toxic ex, which I guess matches him having control over the colonies..

9. Guns and Ships

Daveed Diggs leaps to Broadway stardom in 'Hamilton' | The Times of Israel

Guns and Ships, my love.. This song was sung by Daveed Digs, and he is one of my favorite actors ever. He does a great Lafeyette and Jefferson, and this song always makes me so happy. It’s so chaotic and everyone just does their own little thing as he’s rapping. The song ends with George Washington who is played by Christopher Jackson, and he says Alexander’s name at the end, and it will always give me chills. That man was singing his heart out.

8. The Room Where It Happens

The Room Where It Happens | Hamilton Wiki | Fandom

The room where it happens.. One of the first Hamilton songs I had ever heard. Admittedly, I used to skip this song every time I watched it because I hated Aaron Burr so much that I skipped all of his songs, but one day I gave them a listen and my Hamilton life was changed. The room where it happens has amazing vocals and choreography. Everything about it gave me chills. I kinda mess with Aaron Burr now. 

7. Say No to This

I don't know how to say no to this hamilton Blank Template - Imgflip

I used to be so ashamed for liking this song because I watched Hamilton back in like 2020 or 2021 when people used to hate this song because Alexander was cheating on Eliza.. But of course, I wouldn’t like it for that reason!! As I said in this song Alexander cheats on Eliza with a woman named Mariah Reynolds, who tells Hamilton that her husband is treating her terribly. Eliza is out of town with her sister and her children to visit their parents. They begged Alexander to come, but he didn’t go. He has this affair, but Mariah is also married. A man named James Reynolds tell Hamilton to send him money and he won’t say a word, but if he doesn’t then he’ll tell Eliza. He agrees to send the money and stop the whole situation. The vocals are beautiful, and I love the story behind it. This song is full of suspense, and it would be higher on my list if I was able to enjoy this song when I first heard it. 

6. Farmer Refuted

Farmer Refuted | Alexander hamilton, Musicals, Founding fathers

This song is my favorite ever omgee. It’s not higher because the song is kinda stupid.. It’s just an introduction to you’ll be back. This song always makes me wanna sing because Samuel Seabury is my GOAT. The song is just really catchy and really funny to me. Samuel is singing about the revolution, and Hamilton is disagreeing with everything this man is saying. Samuel is just trying to read off his little scroll, and Hamilton is literally hoping up on the box with him. I would’ve crashed out.

5. Satisfied

Hamilton's "Satisfied" Lyrics, Explained

This song never fails to give me chills. The first time I listened to it I fell in love with it. The second time I learned all of the lyrics, and ever since then I have never stopped singing this song every time I hear it. The way she talks about the situation makes me foam at the mouth. She recounts the details of the night they met, then she names out all of the reasons she knew they couldn’t be together. She says she knew she could’ve had him, but she introduced him to her helpless sister, Eliza. She was thankful that Alexander was in her life, but she knew she would just never be satisfied.

4. The Reynolds Pamphlet 

The Reynolds pamphlet - Hamilton (Original Cast 2016 - Live) [HD ...

This is like the funniest song in the musical. They expose him so crazy for cheating on Eliza. Well, Alexaner exposes himself, and Jefferson makes sure that EVERYBODY hears about it. They sing about how he’ll never be president now, so he’s no longer real competition. Angela comes to support Eliza, and Alexander thinks she’s there for him! Anyways, the choreography is my favorite. Everyone is just running around and throwing letters around. It always makes me laugh. They even end the song saying, “His poor wife”.

3. Non-Stop (This is a long one)

Non-Stop | Hamilton Wiki | Fandom

Non-Stop begins after John Laurens dies, and he was one of Hamilton’s best friends. He says, “I have so much work to do” after finding out. Burr and Hamilton are both lawyers, and Burr talks about how Hamilton just never stops talking; he never stops writing. He’s just non-stop! (haha get it?) Anyways, Hamilton was chosen for the constitutional convention. He proposed a new government, and that night he shows up at Burr’s door to defend the constitution for him. Burr disagrees because he stands for keeping his plans private. No one really knows what Burr stands for, and he plans to keep it that way. We hear from Angelica that she is now married and lives in Londen with him. Her and Hamilton send each other letters. Eliza tells Hamilton that all she wants him to do is stay alive. Burr tells us about the Federalist papers that Hamilton, John Jay, and James Maddison all wrote. They planned to write 25. Hamiton wrote 51 pages all by himself! There was a total of 85 essays. They talk about how he writes like he’s running out of time, and Hamilton does this because writing saved his life. George Washington comes in and promotes Hamilton over the state department. Now! Introducing my favorite part of the song. It starts with Eliza calling Alexander’s name, and he tells her she has to go. Angelica joins in and says he will never be satisfied, then George Washington Joins in! I will always be in love with overlapping vocals oh my goodness..

2. It’s Quiet Uptown

It's Quiet Uptown and The Joy of Hearing Melancholy Music

This song takes place after their son, Philip, dies in a duel due to Hamilton. Angelica starts the song talking about terrible unimaginable suffering. The Hamiltons moved uptown and learn to live with it. Hamilton is alone, and he is quiet. He’s never liked the quiet. He takes his children to church, and he prays. He never prayed before. The company comes in and says if you see him walking in the street to have pity. He walks by himself and talks to himself, and he just walks. Hamilton sings about his son, and it makes me wanna cry!! He tries to talk to Eliza. He knows he doesn’t deserve her, and he wishes to sacrifice himself if he could. They say have pity if you see you walking and talking to her. He tries his best to speak to her, but Eliza stands there, unresponsive, until she grabs his hand and forgives him. I didn’t realize how much I loved this song until I made this list. It’s truly one of my favorites, and it makes my heart ache. 

  1. Your obedient servant

Your Obedient Servant | Alexander hamilton, Hamilton, Servant

Your Obedient Servant is a summarization of Hamilton and Burr’s feud. Burr is upset because Hamilton endorsed Thomas Jefferson. He believes Hamilton did it to keep him from winning. So, he sends him a letter saying that he doesn’t get angry often, but Alexander made that happen. He looks back on all of his failures and Hamilton’s disrespect is always there. Hamilton called him immoral and a disgrace, so Burr told him to name a time and a place. He signs the letter saying, “I have the honor to be your obedient servant. A. Burr”. So, guess what Hamilton does. He sends an ITEMIZED list of THIRTY years of disagreements. He says he didn’t mean to offend him, but he won’t be apologizing either. He signs the letter saying, “I have the honor to be your obedient servant. A. Ham”. They send letter back in forth before agreeing to have a duel with each other to solve the argument. 

another fanfic draft i need to finish

So I was going through my fanfic drafts on google docs and realized I had some gold in there that I never finished. I want to finish these pieces, but I’m not sure where to go with them, and I’m also lazy. I thought I’d share a couple of drafts here and see how you all feel about it. Today, I’ll only be sharing one because it’s quite long, and it centers around Steve and Eddie from Stranger Things. There aren’t any spoilers exactly, but I wouldn’t read it if you’re worried about spoilers. Anyways, please enjoy and leave your thoughts and opinions below. If you enjoy, I have many more from many other fandoms, so just let me know. 

Steve pulled into the gravel parking lot of the artillery store. The others in the van were quiet, hushed conversations dying out when they recognized where they finally were. Steve parked the large vehicle, let out a somber exhale, then turned his head to the group.

“We’re here.” He said as if they didn’t already know. None of their replies were verbal; only silent stares, as if waiting for Steve’s instructions.

“Let’s stick together while we’re in there, okay?” Nancy spoke up. “Just in case.”

Robin nodded, eyes glued to the floor while her foot bounced. Max went straight for the door, Lucas not far behind. Nancy and Erica followed them out. Robin finally looked up, locked on Steve’s motionless state.

“Aren’t you coming?” Robin couldn’t mask the fear bubbling in the back of her throat.

“Just give me a second.” Steve nodded toward the too-small bathroom placed haphazardly in the middle of the van. For safety and his own sanity, Eddie had crammed himself in there. 

“I’ll stay.” Dustin butted in.

“Nuh-uh.” Steve stood, shaking his head. “You two- go. I’ll be fine.” 

Dustin opened his mouth to argue but Robin stood. She looked at Dustin and nodded to the door before she took her leave. Dustin huffed once more, stubbornly rolled his eyes, then marched out to join everyone else. 

Steve watched through the window as Robin explained the situation to Nancy. Nancy glanced up at him through the shuttered windows of the van, brows furrowed as if asking “Are you sure?” Steve nodded and the group left for the store. He waited until they’d all disappeared behind the large industrial doors. When they were truly alone, Steve spoke up.

“You can come out now.”

Silence. Steve walked over to one of the cushioned benches. He shut the window blinds behind him and stared at the bathroom door. It took about sixty seconds before the door creaked open. Eddie poked his head out like a cat sneaking around a corner. His dark, wide irises met Steve’s, searching for confirmation of his safety. A deer in headlights asking the driver if he could cross the road. Steve scooted over, making room for Eddie on the bench. Eddie stood silent behind the door. 

“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” Steve toyed with the fraying fabric on Eddie’s vest. He twisted the string around his finger and pulled.

“Don’t-” Eddie took one step from the door before he froze. Steve glanced up. “Don’t do that.” He whispered and marched over to the bench. 

Steve dropped the loose string. “Sorry.” He stared up at Eddie with a faint smile.

Eddie’s brows untightened and his sour expression began to waver. He sat down next to Steve. The somber silence resumed while Eddie drummed his fingers against his thighs, eyes sewn into the floor. Steve watched him, wondering if he should speak or just let the moment linger.

“You should be honored, y’know.” Eddie’s tone was serious, so Steve made a confused noise. “That I’m letting you wear that.” Eddie turned his head, clearly fighting back a smile. 

“Really?” Steve asked, amused. “Is it like when a jock lets his girlfriend wear his lettermen?” 

Eddie’s brows screwed up again and he looked away. “No, it’s different.”

“How so?” Steve leaned into the wall of the van, arms resting on the back cushion of the bench. 

Eddie shook his head, knocking more hair into his face. “You wouldn’t get it.”

Steve scoffed. “Try me.”

Another bout of silence. Eddie’s foot drummed into the floor of the van. Steve rolled his neck back and forth. The muffled chorus of coarse breeze and chirping bird seeped into the metallic box they sat in. Eddie rubbed his left hand over his face. Steve watched the rings clank together. He wondered if they were cold metal, or if the heat from Eddie’s nervous body had made them warm. He wondered what they would feel like against his own skin.

“It’s… special.” Eddie dropped his hand.

“Huh?” Steve blinked, expression blank. 

Eddie turned his head slightly and gestured noncommittally toward his vest. “All those pins-” He poked at one, the large W.A.S.P pin by the collar. “-they’re mementos; merchandise from concerts I’ve been to, shit I got at parties, gifts.” 

Steve awkwardly bowed his head to look at the pins. He moved the vest around, trying to read the band names from upside down. Most were logos he recognized. AC/DC, Metallica, Judas Priest, Megadeath. Others with illegible fonts or symbols that meant nothing to Steve. As he moved the vest, one pin peaked out from under the folded collar and was noticeably different from the rest.

“What’s this?” Steve nudged up the collar and pointed at the pink triangular pin. Eddie’s wandering eyes met Steve’s for a moment, then froze when they recognized what he was pointing at. 

“It’s, uh-” Eddie scratched hard at a spot behind his ear like a dog with fleas. “It’s a symbol- Nazi soldiers used it during the Holocaust to label people as queer. Terrible shit- but, uhm-” Eddie spun a strand of hair around his finger. Steve could see his hand trembling. “Y’know, over the years, it’s become a symbol for queer liberation. Silence equals death, y’know?”

“Oh,” Steve took a moment to think, rubbing the triangle pin beneath his thumb as he did. “That’s metal.”

Eddie’s wide doe eyes flashed toward him. The rest of his face was covered with a thick layer of hair that he held to his cheek. Steve met his gaze, silent and patient. Eddie swallowed dry, shuffled some hair behind his ear, and sat up.

“Yeah.” He agreed. “Very metal.” 

Steve thought a moment more. He toyed with the collar flap.

“Why is it under here, though?” He dropped the fabric and it covered the pin. “It’s like you’re hiding it.”

Eddie scoffed, then noticed the confused look on Steve’s face and his smirk fell. “We live in a town that goes batshit when kids play a fucking fantasy game, why do you think?”

“Oh.” Steve scrunched his nose. “Right. Sorry.”

A small smile snuck over Eddie’s face. “‘s fine.” He stared at the collar of his vest for a moment, only somewhat losing focus in the tanned skin just past the jean fabric. Before his brain could process the signal, Eddie found his hand reaching out for the collar. He lifted the flap, slipped a hand behind the fabric, and unclasped the pin. He tried his best to not acknowledge how close his hand was to Steve’s pec. 

Eddie slipped the triangle pin out of its hidden spot. “Sometimes I don’t hide it.” He tugged at the jean pocket, ignoring the feeling of Steve’s eyes memorizing his every move. “Like at concerts or bars…” Eddie pressed the pin’s needle back into the pocket’s fabric, then reached inside to reattach the backing. “…places where people don’t care who you wanna sleep with.” With the pin clasped once more, Eddie leaned back. He finally let himself meet Steve’s gaze.

Steve nodded, unsure of how or if he even should respond. Despite having nearly the same conversation about a year ago in a dingy mall bathroom with Robin, Steve still found himself unable to form a proper reply. In that moment, his speechlessness was different from that night in the mall. With Robin, conversations were easy. They were stupid and often nonsensical, but Steve understood her. He figured they shared the same neurons that most biological siblings did; they could speak a language that only the other could process. Eddie was on a whole different wavelength. Steve had maybe one or two conversations with him over the years. At a party, buying weed. At skull rock, smoking a blunt while Tommy paid for the weed. 

“Your friend,” Eddie looked past Tommy and met Steve’s blown pupils. “he doesn’t talk much, does he?”

“He doesn’t need to.” Tommy slapped a bill into Eddie’s palm and shoved the plastic bag into his own pocket. 

Eddie ignored him. “Harrignton , right?”

Steve nodded.

“D’you play any instruments?”

Steve shook his head.

Eddie stepped past Tommy, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. “If you ever wanna learn,” He stopped a foot or two from Steve. “my band’s lookin’ for a drummer-“

“He’s not interested.” Tommy marched over, grabbed Steve by the bicep, and yanked him back toward his car. 

Even in those purely transactional conversations, Steve found himself tongue tied and pliant. He could blame his current silence on the topic of conversation, but Steve knew that wasn’t the issue. Eddie was a twenty-sided rubix cube to Steve. Despite his natural enthusiasm and grandiose emotions, Eddie was excruciatingly hard to read. Even if Steve thought he understood Eddie’s intended tone or reference, he still couldn’t rationalize the why. Steve had come to accept that some people, including Eddie, would do or say things for no apparent reason. That realization didn’t kill his curiosity whatsoever. 

“Y’know-” Steve didn’t realize he was speaking until he heard his voice through the familiar silence. Eddie acknowledged him, curious eyes wide. Steve wanted to bite his tongue, but he let himself continue. “I keep thinking about how different I would be if I met certain people sooner. Like you and Dustin, even Robin, Max.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “I was such a dick because I only hung out with assholes. I had all of these ideas about myself that just- none of it was true. My freshmen year, I could’ve told you where I was going to college, what I’d major in, who I’d marry, the names of all our kids.” Eddie leaned forward, nearly slipping from the bench as he held onto every word. Steve sighed. “Now I don’t know anything. I feel like a new person.”

Steve stared at his hands which laid limp over his lap. He chewed at his inner cheek, wondering if he should regret everything he’d just admitted. 

“Sometimes…” Eddie spoke slowly, picking his words with seamstress precision. “…Sometimes that’s a good thing.”

“Yeah?” Steve lolled his head over to look at his friend. 

“Yeah- I mean it might not feel like it.” Eddie crossed his arms and hunched back into the bench. “I mean, shit, sometimes it’s fucking scary. I know what you mean by feeling like a new person. Up until I was like, ten- eleven maybe- I was just an extension of my dad. I did everything he told me, taught me. It wasn’t until I started butting heads with him that I realized how fuckin’ awful he was. When I left to live with my uncle- sure I was happy but I was also lost, y’know? Everything I knew was poof, gone. I had to relearn everything about myself.” 

“How?” Steve had sat up, now leaning closer to Eddie with piqued interest. 

“It’s different for everybody.” Eddie shrugged. “I met new people, explored new things. It took years, but I found a community that made me feel-like-” Eddie placed a firm palm on his own chest. “-complete. Like I found all my puzzle pieces.” 

For a moment, Steve didn’t react. He stared forward, eyes hooded and unreadable, focused on the hand that Eddie still had to his chest. Steve noticed the red, bruising knuckles and dried blood that stood out without bulky rings. A thick link chain hung loose around Eddie’s wrist. Steve watched as Eddie moved his hand and the chain slipped down under his sleeve. 

“Bet that took years.” Steve slumped back against the wall.

“Sure,” Eddie pulled his legs up, sitting cross-legged on the bench. His knee hovered just over Steve’s thigh. “But it’s fuckin’ worth it, man. I’d do it all again if I had too. Better than livin’ as someone you’re not.”

Steve’s eyes were stuck to Eddie’s bent knee. It was clear he was intentionally holding it there, tensing all his muscles rather than letting his leg touch Steve’s. Without much thought, Steve moved his leg closer to Eddie’s. He wedged his thigh under the other’s knee. 

“Doesn’t everyone do that, though?” Steve ignored how his movement made Eddie even more tense. 

“Huh?” Eddie looked up from their overlapping limbs. 

“Y’know,” Steve gestured lazily into the stale van air. “Sometimes you gotta ignore your passions to succeed in life.”

Eddie went silent for half a second, then broke out in a barking laugh. When Steve didn’t react the same, he composed himself.

“You’re serious?” Eddie let his legs relax. Steve nodded. “Jeez man- Who told you that?”

“I don’t know.” Steve shrugged limply. “I guess I told myself. Y’know, I wanted to do band before I started basketball-“

“What?” Eddie stifled another sharp laugh.

“Shut up.” Steve rolled his eyes but felt a grin tug at his cheek. “I wanted to be in the drumline. I thought that was badass when I was seven.”

“It is badass.” Eddie was beaming. “Why didn’t you?”

“My dad was a sports prodigy when he was in high school, he expected the same from me.” Steve brushed back his hair. “Signed me up for basketball, track, and swimming before I had a chance to argue.”

Eddie let out a dramatic gasp. “What a dick.” 

“I don’t know,” Steve groaned. “It’s not like I didn’t want to do sports-“

“He should’ve asked.” Eddie was slowly inching closer as he bounced in his seat. His left leg was now pressed firmly into Steve’s thigh and he had turned a full one-eighty degrees to face him.

“What difference does it make? I would’ve said yes-“

“It’s the principle of it all.” Eddie thumped his shoulder and Steve finally met his eyes. “‘s fuckin’ disrespectful to make those desisions for you. You gotta have control of your own life man.”

Steve knocked his head back against the stiff metal wall. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sigh from deep in his chest. He heard Eddie snicker from behind his palm. Steve smirked. 

“I don’t know, man.” Steve shook his head, eyes still closed. “I’m not an expert on stickin’ it to the man like you are.”
“I wasn’t always this smart.” Eddie sighed as if his extensive knowledge was a pure burden to him. “I had to learn the hard way.”

“Yeah,” Steve opened his eyes and leaned his head over to the other. “I don’t think I have the skills for that. I think I’m content on living my life according to everyone else around me.”

“You’re telling me you’d rather be miserable for the rest of your life than try to learn about yourself?” Eddie slapped the back of his hand into Steve’s chest. “That’s not the Harrignton I know.”

“Oh, yeah?” Steve found himself using the coy smirk, hooded eyes, and teasing tone he only pulled out when on a date. He decided to blame the slip up on momentary insanity. “Who’s this Harrignton you know so well?”

“The Harrignton I know would never back down from a challenge.” Eddie crossed his arms. “He’d run straight at it and get himself torn to pieces or beaten to a pulp in the process, but he’d get there. He wouldn’t give up, no matter how hard or uncomfortable it was.”

“He sounds like a cool guy.” Steve scoffed. 

A soft smile slowly formed over Eddie’s face. “He’s cooler than he gives himself credit for, that for damn sure.” Steve cocked a brow. Eddie continued. “If I had to guess, he’s too busy worrying if everyone he cares about is happy, and doesn’t allow himself to be happy.” 

“You my shrink now, Munson?” Steve looked away and rubbed a hand against his dry eyes. 

“Nah,” Eddie shrugged. “Just a loser who knows a thing or two about feeling like shit.” 

Steve wanted to argue, wanted to lie and say he felt fine. Totally, utterly, perfectly okay. Nothing about his secret-keeping, demon-fighting life was bothering him. Nothing at all to complain about. Not the friends he was constantly worried about losing. Not the sleepless nights he spent trying to scrub vivid memories from his hazy mind. Not the shitty dating cycle that made him feel like he’d never truly be loved. Not even the ex-girlfriend who symbolized a part of his life that he desperately wanted to return to. Because Steve Harrignton wasn’t afraid of change. He loved it, actually. Loved that he rarely saw his parents anymore. Loved that he slaved away at a retail job, rather than lurking the school halls with his loser friends. Loved the foreign buzzing feelings buried deep in his chest when he watched My Beautiful Laundrette with Robin. All good, Steve wanted to say, but he didn’t. 

There was a sharp knock on the van door and Eddie sprung for the open bathroom. Before he could lock himself away, Nancy was holding the door open and ushering everyone inside. Steve stood and stepped out of everyone’s way. He and Eddie watched silently as the other members of their group filed bags and boxes into the van. When Robin entered, she shoved a small bag into Steve’s chest.

“Got you a shirt.” Her tone was sharp and she didn’t hover to talk. She slumped to the back of the van and sat down. Steve didn’t ask; he didn’t need to. They’d talk later. They always did. 

Nancy closed the door once everyone was settled in. She was headed for the passenger’s seat when Steve found himself moving on autopilot.

“Hey, Nance.” He reached out an arm to stop her. She glanced up at him, confused. “Would you mind sitting in the back? I think Eddie was getting sore from cramming himself in that bathroom. I was gonna let him take shotgun.”

“Oh.” Nancy glanced over to Eddie, who stood behind Steve with furrowed brows. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Eddie looked from the back of Steve’s head, to Nancy’s similarly confused expression. Steve turned his head to nod slightly at Eddie. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Eddie nodded too, shifting his eyes back to Nancy. “It’s gettin’ dark. I think it’ll be fine.” 

“Oh. Okay then.” Nancy glanced between them a couple more times before she turned on her heel and headed for the back. 

Steve moved for the driver’s seat. When he sat down, he turned his head to find Eddie motionless behind him, watching intently. Steve patted the open passenger seat.

“C’mon man.” He nodded his head toward the seat. Eddie paused a moment more before he finally took one slow step, expecting Steve to revoke the offer before he sat down. Steve didn’t mention it. Instead, he shifted the gears and began to pull out of the lot. Eddie sat down quickly, wrapped the seat belt around his front, and pulled his knees to his chest. 

Eddie figured he must’ve fallen asleep at some point on the drive. He remembered closing his eyes to a narrow forest road, surrounded by towering trees. When he looked out again, all he saw was dull grassy fields that stretched on for miles. The RV was parked and he could hear the shuffling of bodies moving behind him. He dropped his feet to the ground, stretched out his back, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” Steve had walked back to the front of the van. He had put on the new shirt Robin got him, Eddie’s vest over it. 

“Where are we?” Eddie glanced from Steve to the grassy flatland he could see through the window. 

“We’re just taking a rest.” Steve leaned against the back of Eddie’s seat. “Gettin’ everything ready, y’know?”

“Eddie!” Dustin ran over the moment he realized Eddie was awake.

“Hey.” Eddie yawned through his greeting. 

“Do you wanna help me make shields? We got these trash can lids and I’m thinking we stab nails through them-“

“Give him a second man, he just woke up.” Steve had put a firm hand on Dustin’s shoulder to quiet him. 

Eddie smiled. “It’s fine man.” He turned to Dustin. “Sounds sick, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Punk Music is Political???

Okay, I admit, the title is a bit of clickbait because I’ve known for a while that punk music is political. Punk music has been used as an anti-establishment protest device since its inception, using heavy rock and lyrical call-outs to get its point across. Now, I’d like to preface this by saying, punk music in its entirety isn’t political, and punk isn’t the only political music, but punk started out political. 

Punk Rock had its start in the 1970s in small clubs in London, San Fran, New York, Boston, and LA, drawing inspiration from 50s rock and roll and 60s garage rock. Punk music has been anti-institution since inception, and has been used as a feminist device as well by the likes of Patti Smith and L7 (one of my favorite punk bands ever.) 

Patti Smith was an artist and poet who was very active during the beginning of punk, being one of the pillars of the community, she toured North America with her band The Patti Smith Group, influencing punk artists of later generations.

L7 was another punk band, though functioning in the latter 80s. they were one of the first all-female punk bands in the game. They have been staunchly political since their beginning and are to date one of my all-time favorite bands. They formed the Rock for Choice movement in the 90s, aimed at holding concerts over a ten year period to raise funding for the pro-abortion movement of the time.

The Slits were the first all female punk band (to my knowledge) and had one of the defining releases of the punk era. They were heavily inspired by Patti Smith and toured with many punk bands of the time. The Slits cycled through members, having a total of 15 members in their time.

Now, being a bit sick has left me with little energy, so this blog post didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted it to, but I hope you enjoyed and maybe give some of these artists a listen!

Much love,
Jude ♡

Healthy body does not equal healthy mind

My absolutely least favorite thing on earth is when someone tries to educate me on food. it makes me feel this way because I have known and tracked calories for around ten years now. I also hate it when people comment on others weight and even if it is in a “good way” because I remember getting those comments at my lowest weight and it only added fuel to the fire. I remember learning and looking up how to lose weight quickly and trying everything from developing bulimia to binging because of how badly I would starve myself during the day. It got to a point that my mother would scream at me for not eating what she made, and she constantly harped on the fact that the food was “healthy”. But I only saw the oil going into the pan and how it would bleed through our paper plates. She told me I knew nothing about health and what was good and wasn’t. So it always ended in us fighting because I knew all the unhealthy ways and stuck to them. I remember at my lowest weight I was running three miles every day and would save all my calories to have a large bowl of cereal at night. My parents would say I was silly for barely eating dinner then gorging on sweets, but they didn’t get that it was one of my safe foods even though it was high in calories. I still was praised by them though for losing the weight and how active I was. I think it blindsided them to how little I was actually eating, and I stayed in this phase until we took a trip to Mexico. I remember the first few days there I would have breakdowns over the food and how I couldn’t track it on my diet app (one of which I still use today) but eventually I caved and just ate the food. I remember how freeing it felt but I would always feel a wave of guilt after. Once we went back to the states, I no longer had the motivation I once had, and I slowly put on more weight partially because I got a gym membership and slowly stopped doing cardio and started doing weights only. I then gained even more weight going to MSA. Which now leads me back to square one I now have the same disordered thoughts that I had years ago. I’m trying to do things right this time but it’s now hard to not overeat. I also am not pushing myself to extremes though not like last time. I would also like to share my journey to hold me accountable, so I thought what better place to do it then a blog. So, I can have motivation and remain healthy. 

 

The Shady Part of Me

I recently started playing this game, which is a 10/10. The game is set up like any normal puzzle game, but there is more to it. As you move through the game, questions or sentences on the walls show you the main character’s mindset. After finishing part 2, I think I understand what the game is supposed to mean.  There are 2 characters, a girl and her shadow. You switch between each character to finish puzzles to get to the next part of the story while collecting origami birds along the way. In the first clip, the girl is on a tree swing. The backgrounds change in session 2 to a more asylum look. The girl is scared of the light and must stay in the shadows. Back to the swing in the first part, that could represent the main character’s childhood where something happened that provoked the character to be in the asylum. I believe the game is a reference to therapy. Each part of the game is called sessions and the man’s voice that is heard sounds close to what a therapist might sound like when trying to help the girl. The girl is getting over her fear of the light through these sessions where she is trying to hide from it.  If you put her into the light, she sits down and you must rewind time to move on. Her shadow on the other hand is more confident, she can be in the light and doesn’t seem to be hesitant about her surroundings, this could be her true self that is buried under the depression. The game seems dull and bleak at first glance due to the colors used to make it up. The game can trigger some harsh feelings if the player is struggling mentally as the main character may say some things that are very negative or dark. Overall, the game was very good and I recommend it to those who are interested in indie games that explore mental health.

School After Break

Don’t you just love getting in the cycle of being able to rot away in bed and not worry about school or academic problems because you are on break. I do too. But I feel like I have run into a problem that many others have run into. It’s really hard to escape that cycle when the time comes.

The first semester here at MSA has really been a doozy. It really felt like a whole school year already. So, when the time for Christmas break came around, I just stopped thinking about school entirely. I was so relieved to be gone I didn’t think about the fact that I would have to go back soon. I rotted away in bed, got the sleep I was looking for, relaxed. I did all the things I would do if it were summer. Because it felt like the year had ended.

The break was much needed for me, but I feel like it was too much. Especially combined with the snow break. Taking so much time away from school really through me off and made me lose all of my motivation. Writing was extremely difficult, and I couldn’t even bring myself to lift my computer. I began to get really behind in some classes, and I started to get even more stressed.

At first, I thought I was just being lazy, and it was only a me thing. But later I found out that other people were having this problem. Others also felt like they were leaving and not coming back for a while and coming back so soon threw them off too. I think the reason for this is because a full summer is enough to reset your brain and give you enough time to get ready for the next year. So, when you don’t think you’re coming back or it doesn’t feel like it, going back so soon doesn’t give you the time to reset and be prepared. I think we all had that in between of not enough time and too much. Leaning more toward too much.

I feel as if I am just now getting back into the swing of things after a month of this semester already being up. I’ve never felt this way before and I wonder if there are things I can do to prevent this from happening in the future. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t really want another break. I feel like the weekends are enough for me right now. 

I’m not sure if any of you relate or if this even made sense, but I hope some of you may relate and if you have any tips on how to prevent this, please share.