Recently, a man was shot while walking pop star, Lady Gaga’s dogs, Koji and Gustav. The man has since been identified as Ryan Fischer, who has often been seen with Gaga’s dogs in the past. Reports say that while Fischer was unconscious at the scene, he is now out of surgery and in stable condition. Fischer put up a fight when the unidentified men attacked him while walking the dogs, and many believe that’s why he was shot. However, Fischer’s efforts were not in vain, as one of Gaga’s three beloved French bulldogs, Miss Asia, was able to escape.
Police are still unsure of the motive behind this attack. However, all signs point to a targeted attack, but the reason still remains unclear. Were the dogs stolen because they belong to the pop princess or simply because French bulldogs are high-priced canines? The West Hollywood police department is continuing to try and answer that question. In the meantime, Gaga has yet to make an official statement, as she is out of the country shooting a film in Rome. However, sources close to the star have said that she is devastated and is offering $500,000 for the safe return of her dogs, “no questions asked”. This now raises questions that the robbery was purely for ransom. If so, Gaga has taken the bait to ensure the safety of her beloved Koji and Gustav.
Nonetheless, I can’t help but think of how ridiculous this all seems. Gaga is willing to pay half-a-million dollars to get her animals back, but seems to have no sympathy for Fischer, whose life was on the line. Doesn’t he deserve justice? I’m an animal-lover too, and while her dogs may be like family, how are we to ignore the fact that a man was shot? Witness, Buck Angel, says, “Someone actually got shot over dogs… Are we gonna start taking people’s dogs for ransom now? It’s horrible.”
Angel is right; is this the new normal? Will criminals start coming out of the woodworks to steal celebrity animals for a payday? Is man’s best friend really worth all of this?
Recently, I stumbled upon an article bywriterspractice.com. The article is about writer’s burnout: what it is, how it happens, and how to overcome it. Before reading this article, I had never heard of writer’s burnout, but it 100% described what I am going through. The article describes it as “looking at the page, hating the page, and questioning your entire identity as a writer, all for an extended period of time” which puts exactly how I’ve been feeling into words. Honestly, writing in general has been difficult for me lately, and I have been rethinking my entire life because I feel so lost and confused. The steps the article lists to overcome writer’s burnout really helped, and they are as follows:
Recognize the Problem
“You can’t move on without first recognizing that maybe something is wrong. Have you ever thought, ‘I just have nothing to say, no words to write.I don’t care about writing anymore. I have no new creative ideas. I never want to write again.’If so, you might be going through a writer’s burnout.” In the process of NaNoWriMo, I felt like a failure. Every day, I’d wake up, pull out my laptop, and swear I was going to make progress. Instead, I stared at that stupid, blinking bar for hours on end, before finally closing my laptop to hide under my mountain of blankets, as if hiding would make the shame and disappointment disappear. As someone who is somewhat of a perfectionist and planner, I try to be in complete control of all things in my life, but with this project, I felt totally out of my element. I’m not a novelist, and I never claimed to be, but maybe that was the problem. I think I went into this assignment with the wrong mindset. I went in not believing in myself, and I think I set my own self up for failure.
Don’t Stop Writing
“Write through the toil. It’s the only way to get to the other side.” I did it; I stopped writing. I gave in to the burn out and fear of imperfection, and that was my second mistake. I get so caught up in wanting everything I put my name on to be the best that I forget how to just write. It’s so tiring trying to be perfect all the time, but I feel so much pressure to do so. I often say, “If it’s not the best or it’s not perfect, why even do it?” I have slowly come to the realization that that isn’t the best mentality to have, but I’ve had that mindset for so long that I just don’t know how to break it. I should’ve pressed on. I should’ve followed through with my daily goals instead of simply avoiding them in fear not being good enough. Sometimes, I think, you just have to do the things you dread in order to become stronger and better.
Find Yourself (again)
“When you’re feeling lost in your writing, try taking a moment to remember who you are as a writer, and more importantly why you write. Remember your audience, your message, and most importantly, your voice.” As much as I hate to admit this, I have lost myself as a writer. I can’t even remember why I started writing or why I love(d) it. Last year, I had so much passion and drive for writing and for literary, but now, everything seems so bleak. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to find that spark that I once had. I’ve lost my voice, and I don’t know how to get it back, but I fear I’ve lost it forever, which breaks my heart.
Don’t Try to Explain Yourself
“It’s a complicated and messy thing to try to explain why you set aside your most important projects. At first, even you might not know exactly why you had to switch gears, and that’s okay.” I struggled with this a lot during NaNoWriMo. During the break, for my story, I talked to women, including my own mother, about their struggles with infertility and pregnancy loss. I heard some of the most moving, emotional, and inspiring stories. I thought that because I had taken the initiative to get these real-life stories that I’d be more enthused to write this story, but instead I felt inept. I couldn’t figure out how to translate such important, powerful stories into my own writing, so I didn’t. I worked on other things, so I could say I had a productive day, but when my fellow writers were sharing their daily goal accomplishments, I was shoving my head deeper into my sheets. I felt embarrassed to tell them that I hadn’t made much progress in my story, so I countered it with the fact that I’d been working and that my home life is crazy, which isn’t false, but I felt the need to explain. I felt like I’d let them down, but really, I had let myself down.
NaNoWriMo is not for the weak, and for most of the month, I considered myself weak, and even writing this feels like a cop-out. However, in writing and reflecting on the month, I realize that while writer’s burnout is a thing, and I have definitely been experiencing the struggles of it, I am not defined by a word count or an assignment. My self-worth should not be determined by whether or not I adequately completed something, and I should stop holding myself to these impossible standards. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I am. To be a writer, means to write, so I’m gonna do just that. I’m gonna write every day, and I won’t worry about meeting a word count or completing an assignment that I don’t care about. I’m just going to write simply because it makes me feel good, and maybe, in that. I will overcome this writer’s burnout, and find my voice again.
Nikki Giovanni needs no introduction from me I am sure. To say she is only a poet will be doing her an injustice. To quote a recent article from New York Times, “Giovanni emerged as a writer in the late 1960s during the Black Arts Movement, alongside her fellow poets Amiri Baraka and Sonia Sanchez. In one of Giovanni’s early poems, “Reflections on April 4, 1968,” marking the day Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, she wrote: “What can I, a poor Black woman, do to destroy america? This / is a question, with appropriate variations, being asked in every / Black heart.” Nikki Giovanni, Finding the Song in the Darkest Days
I recently read her poetry book, Love Poems and I can honestly say I LOVED IT. From the very first poem, “What It is” I was captured through her words and technique. Every stanza and line break was placed purposefully. My favorite poem will have to be “Balances”.
In life one is always balancing
like we juggle our mothers against our fathers
or one teacher against another (only to balance our grade average)
3 grains of salt to one ounce truth
our sweet black essence or the funky honkies down the street
and lately i’ve begun wondering if you’re trying to tell me something
we used to talk all night and do things alone together
and i’ve begun
(as a reaction to a feeling) to balance the pleasure of loneliness against the pain of loving you
After reading this poem I was filled with so much understanding about myself and the way I love. The ending lines, “and i’ve begun /(as a reaction to a feeling”)/ to balance/ the pleasure of loneliness/ against the pain/ of loving you.” Hit me so hard because I am learning the lesson of self- worth and temporary affection. I know my worth and I am very selfish with who I dedicate my energy towards. On the other hand, I am a Leo and I shamefully love romantic attention lol. Those ending lines made feel like I will get through this phase in my life and I will love again. The power Nikki Giovanni holds in her words!
In Love Poems, Giovanni explores the connection between all types of love not just romantically. My favorite platonic love poem is “A Poem of Friendship”
We are not lovers because of the love we make but the love we have
We are not friends because of the laughs we spend but the tears we save
I don’t want to be near you for the thoughts we share but the words we never have to speak
I will never miss you because of what we do but what we are together
Nikki Giovanni writes how she speaks: softly yet powerful. I deeply enjoyed the experience reading Love Poems. It was the delight at the ending of my day. It truly made me look forward to new loves in my life, platonically and romantically. As a new generation writer, I am influenced by Nikki Giovanni’s writing style. I could only wish I can reach a bit of the impact she has on society.
For this month’s review, I will be rating songs from Mary Lambert’s self-produced album, Grief Creature (2019). This album is filled with some weepy wonders, and as a sad song enthusiast, I couldn’t have been more excited when this album released. Lambert describes it as her “life’s work, masterpiece, a break-up album to shame, an ode to mental illness, and a love letter to hope”.
Fine/Finally- 7/10
This song is short but powerful. The soft piano paired with Lambert’s vocals is heaven. It’s not my favorite, in terms of songs, but the lyricism and instrumentality in this song is so beautiful, and it makes for a great intro for this album.
“I thought s**t, she looks happy for a girl who is drowning”
Shame- 9/10
This is one of my favorites from this album. It’s the break-up song to shame that Lambert describes, and it’s one of the best songs on the album, in my opinion. It’s a song that you listen to, and it’s sad, but it’s also incredibly empowering. There’s that dramatic, weepy melody, but those strong, uplifting lyrics, and it’s a song that just makes you feel like you are worthy despite the shame, despite everything.
“You can’t shame me if I’ve already done it myself You can’t drown me if I’ve already done it myself”
Me, Museum- 9/10
This is the first of the few spoken-word songs on this album. It’s Lambert’s poem, “The Art of Shame,” read by her and accompanied by her masterful pianism. It’s so powerful, and it’s one of those pieces that live rent-free in my brain.
“I took snapshots with my memory camera”
Sister- 8.5/10
I love this song purely for the vocals. Lambert really popped off with her runs in this song, and if you had asked me when this album was first released, I would’ve said this song was my favorite, 10/10, but I think I got burnt out on it. I mean, I listened to this song every day, on repeat for at least 2 months, so it still has a high regard in my book. However, it’s just not that 10 it used to be, and I’m a little bummed it’s not because of how much I used to love it.
“It’s not so bad when you’re laughing It’s not so bad when you’re smiling”
Born Sad- 8/10
This is the one upbeat song on this album, and it still talks about sadness, but I’m not mad at it. Lambert’s entire brand is built on writing and producing sad songs, so when she set out to make a sad, tear-filled album, I was a little surprised to even see this gem on the tracklist. Nonetheless, it’s about being sad and this noting o of being “born sad,” so it’s still very much on brand. It’s not my favorite song because it strays from Lambert’s melodious piano and orchestral sound, but it’s still a great song.
“Keeping my head above water Is all that I can do… Everybody wants to be happy, nobody knows how to do it”
Write You A Song- 9/10
This is another one of my faves. It’s very much a love song, and I am so here for it. Also, the vocals in this song are so good. Lambert, at one point, has some layered vocals, and it’s one of my favorite parts of the song. Overall, I love this song, but it’s not quite a 10. However, it is pretty close!
“I’ll write you a song I’ll write you a hundred”
Steady & Sure- 7/10
This song is great. It’s not one of my favorites, necessarily, but I still really enjoy it. Lambert has such a soft, profound voice that it makes it nearly impossible to dislike any of her music.
“Do you know how to hold my heart like a safe and a holy relic?”
Easy To Leave (feat. Maiah Manser)- 8/10
This song is one that really tugs on your heartstrings. It’s one of those sad songs that makes you want to cry no matter how you were feeling before listening to it. The repetition of “Am I easy to leave?” is what gets me everytime. Also, the pairing of Lambert and Manser’s vocals is phenomenal and just a great choice artistically.
“Will anybody stay a while? Will anybody stay for me?
Am I easy to leave?”
Knife- 10/10
This is the second spoken-word song on the album, and it’s next in line to my favorite song on this album. The poem is so incredibly powerful and moving. The emotion in this song can be felt so strongly, and it’s convicting. Then, towards the end of the song, Lambert strikes again with her poignant vocal stylings, and you can’t really help but melt. It’s just that type of song.
“This is what dying feels like What is means to knife and to be knifed by the one that you loved And to keep driving home”
House Of Mirrors (feat. Macklemore)- 9/10
This song isn’t as upbeat as “Born Sad,” but it still isn’t Lambert’s usual sound, making it one of my personal favorites. To be fair, most of the songs on this album, I consider a favorite of mine, but I quite enjoy the pop type sound coupled with Lambert’s moving lyrics. Macklemore’s verse in this song added to the pop sound of this song, but I think that’s what really made this song work.
“My brain is a house divided, rooms with too many doors”
Not Ready To Die Yet- 8/10
This song is so honest and vulnerable. I think that we’ve all been in this place where we’re just sort of stagnant, not moving forward, but we want to progress. That’s what this song is, it’s a poetic “f- you” to that feeling because it’s about overcoming that feeling, and forgiving yourself. It’s a song about choosing yourself, and it’s a song that never fails to resonate with me because I do still believe in hope.
“I’m not great at living, just surviving nightmares”
Climbing Out- 7/10
The beat in this song is interesting. It’s a song you can kind of just vibe to; it’s nice. It’s got the same pop- y feel to it as “House of Mirrors,” but also, very different. It’s not one of my go-to songs, but I still enjoy listening to it. It’s an uplifting song that encourages you to keep going and stop staying stagnant, so I especially appreciate the motivation in this song.
“Sadness is hardly an artform, but it does get better”
Feel With Me (feat. Hollis)- 8/10
This song is such a sensual song, and you can’t help but want to dance. The music just naturally sways your body, and it is just such a bop. This is the kind of song I play when I’ve had a long day, and I just want to feel— which is coincidentally what the song is titled. Hollis and Lambert really did the thing with this one.
“Find within all this space that you need to be free”
Trauma Is A Stalker- 10/10
This is a spoken-word piece, and it one of the most evocative pieces of music I have ever heard. The orchestral sound coupled with Lambert’s voice is so eloquent and passionate. I mean, I have never heard a violin played so beautifully. It’s like a literal slice of heaven, and then, you listen to the lyrics, and you just sort of feel gutted. Who does that?! Two words: Mary. Lambert. *mic drop*
“What if I told you trauma is a stalker? Follows me room to room, visits me at work, leaves dead animals on my day planner, texts me knives, licks my memory before I have a chance to get it right”
If You Ever Leave Somebody- 100/10
This is my FAVORITE song on this album. I don’t think I will ever get tired of hearing this song, like I love it so much. It is so emotional and evocative. I am always moved after hearing this song, and I listen to it at least 25 times a week. It’s one of those songs you just can’t but fall in love with— from the care Lambert took to composing the chords and the piano to the lyricism. She is my favorite poet, and she brings her poetic style into her songwriting, and it is pure bliss.
“If you ever leave somebody, pray to God you’re right, don’t leave in the night, cry like you mean it, don’t cry like a coward, don’t lie for hours, and say what it is”
Another Rape Poem (Sixteen)- 8/10
This song is another spoken-word piece. Similar to “Knife,” it has some gorgeous vocals in it. The song is actually called “Sixteen,” but the poem she is reading is “Another Rape Poem,” which is actually one of my favorite poems by her. The pairing of these two pieces with the fervent piano playing in the background is kind of ingenius. Lambert just has a way with words and sound, and she knows how to manipulate these two mediums in a way that they blend seamlessly and beautifully.
“There were three wolves in the bedroom who circled me without ever flashing their canines Isn’t rape funny like that? I have to speak in metaphor in order to get it out”
“Suddenly I was a prize in a building of a thousand men — drenched in America and sweat I’m not saying that the military raped me”
Bless This Hell (feat. Julien Baker)- 9.5/10
This last song is one of my go-to songs on the album. I just can’t get over how beautiful the piano sounds, and how soulful Lambert sounds while singing. This is also my favorite collaboration on this album, as well. Lambert and Baker make such a great duo, and I adore the layering of their voices in this song.
“You don’t belong here Get out of my head”
Overall, Grief Creature is just that— a creature of grief. It’s a sad album filled with sad songs, but if you’re a sappy, sad song enthusiast (like me), then this is an album I HIGHLY suggest you listen to— bring tissues.
“I am trying to both be happy and pay attention to the world around me. I do not know if it is possible to do both at the same time.” ― Blythe Baird
If My Body Could Speak was written by poet and spoken word artist, Blythe Baird. It was released in early 2019, and features 46 original poems by the artist.
Synopsis:
“If My Body Could Speak is about fighting for the space one takes up in a world that would rather they take up none at all. Blythe Baird deftly and uniquely charts a course through various modes of womanhood and women’s bodies. Through love, loss, and the struggles of disordered eating, If My Body Could Speak uses sharp narratives and visceral imagery to get to the heart of a many-layered existence, speaking to many generations at once” (Goodreads).
Review:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. Personally, I prefer listening to audiobooks that are read by the author and following along with the script. It allows for readers to get the full experience, so that’s what I do.
Baird does an exceptional job of writing poetry that women from all walks of life can relate to, as it deals specifically with body acceptance, eating disorders, queerness, womanhood and femininity, and rape culture.
Her poem, “When the Fat Girl Gets Skinny” is the most notable, as it went viral on YouTube.
The poem vividly and poetically tells the story of Baird’s struggle with an eating disorder.
“If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin to begin with, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story. ”
― Blythe Baird
“If your body could speak, would she forgive you?” ― Blythe Baird
About two months ago, I was on a hunt for a spiritual awakening! So, obviously I took to the social media to hunt for the best books that would teach me. I found a variety of books such as The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. However, the book that caught my interest the most was The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra.
This book is described as, “a practical guide to the fulfillment of your dreams.” I can tell you right now it is such more! Each chapter is a law that you need in order to live a life of success. However, to me they are more like golden keys that unlocks the door of growth. Even though the book only has seven chapters it is filled with so much knowledgeable information. So, instead of reviewing the entire book, every month I will review a new chapter and how I am applying it to my life.
The first chapter is titled, The law of pure potentiality. Chopra explains, very thoroughly I may add, how humans are pure consciousness meaning we basically have endless possibilities. He dives into the Self which is our own spirit and our own experience. This is a key I learned: Our Self is absent of ego. Ego is overall the bad side of you. You know the one that is obsessed with attention and other people’s approval. We will never reach success if our ego consumes our soul. Here are some quotes that I highlighted in this chapter:
“When you discover your essential nature and know who you really are, in that knowing itself is the ability to fulfill any dream you have, because you are the eternal possibility, the immeasurable potential of all that was, is, and will be.”
“In object-referral we are always influenced by objects outside the Self, which include situations, circumstances, people, and things. In object-referral we are constantly seeking the approval of others. Our thinking and our behaviour are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based.”
This quote stuck with me deeply because I understood how pointless it is to be bothered by things that have nothing to do with me. Also, I realized I need to stop trying to control things. That is unnecessary stress upon my life. Control is just an illusion, it does not exist.
“When we experience the power of the Self, there is an absence of fear, there is no compulsion to control, and no struggle for approval or external power.”
“In self-referral, you experience your true being, which is unfearful of any challenge, has respect for all people, and feels beneath no one. Self-power is therefore true power.”
This is so important to learn and to study! Self-power is the true power and ego-power is temporary. Money, a high status, rewards, and fame is all temporary. Why do strive to have those things when they are all disposable?
“Wherever you go in the midst of movement and activity, carry your stillness within you. Then the chaotic movement around you will never overshadow your access to the reservoir of creativity, the field of pure potentiality.”
Carrying my stillness with me is something I have to practice to master. I often let my surroundings influence me when it becomes too much. But I feel like if I can carry my peace with me and let that influence me instead my life would be so much calmer.
Each chapter has steps you could do in life to apply the seven laws of success. For this chapter it’s meditating twice a day. Sit in silence and observe the nature of living. Lastly, practicing non-judgement. “I will begin my day with the statement, ‘Today, I shall judge nothing that occurs.'”
To be honest I try to meditate at least once a week. I believe if I made time to meditate twice a day I will have a more peaceful life. However, I get distracted easily because there is not a peaceful place I can meditate at on campus. There I go again making unnecessary excuses. You make time for what you want!
I may be slacking with meditation but I do sit in silence at least once a day. I recommend this to everyone. You experience things you would normal miss about nature. I do not have to always listen to music in fact I work better with no distractions. Mr. Chopra knew what he was writing when he suggested this step!
Stating I will not judge anyone in the morning is a reminder that I am not perfect and in no place to judge anyone. It is very humbling experience to check myself before others. My friends always joke when we catch ourselves talking too much mess we say, “You in her business… don’t do that?” To me that is the same thing as reminding myself not to judge lol.
This is a picture that I feel correlates the best to the law of pure potentiality. To me the woman in the bubble is in her own world which represents self-referral. The hand also represents self-power.
The next chapter is titled the law of giving. Tune in next month for an update!
It is an understatement to say The Handmaid’s Tale, a dystopian novel written by Margaret Atwood, left an impacting mark on me after I finished reading it. The novel is embedded with parallels, symbolism, and a dire underlying message to the readers.
Margaret Atwood
When I finished reading The Handmaid’s Tale, I connected symbolism and parallels to racism. First, the execution of defiant ones in The Handmaid’s Tale and The Wall is a parallel to the lynching that African Americans had to endure during times of inequality. In the novel, it is legal to execute anyone who rebels. Afterwards, the lifeless bodies are hung and put on display at The Wall, to serve as a reminder to the citizens of the repercussions of disobedience.
“…that we should remember to do what we are told and not get in trouble, because if we do, we will be rightfully punished.”
(Atwood, 284)
This is parallel to times when African Americans were lynched for fighting for their rights and/or freedom. Similar to the novel’s The Wall, the murdered bodies of African Americans were often left exposed to the public. Mainly because white supremacists had no respect for African Americans and wanted to instill fear into anyone who desired freedom and justice.
In addition to this parallel, racism was a large factor that led the theocratic Republic of Gilead to succeed. Before Gilead was overthrown, the rate of Caucasian births was rapidly decreasing whereas other races’ birthrates increased. The cause for the decrease of births was because of the escalating rates of pollution and sexually transmitted diseases, which I may add is another parallel to the modern world. Caucasian’s fear of becoming extinct leads many to follow and believe the policies of Gilead.
“Its racist policies, for instance, were firmly rooted in the pre-Gilead period, and racist fears provided some of the emotional fuel that allowed the Gilead takeover to succeed as well as it did.”
(Atwood, 305)
This proves that racism and prejudice are apparent in the Republic of Gilead, however, the parallels do not end there.
Women in The Handmaid’s Tale have no rights and are being forced to do activities against their will. In this society, rebellion is bound to transpire, and so came about Mayday. Mayday is the code name given the underground resistance network. Offred, the narrator, mentions Mayday frequently in the story as an escape route. Mayday is a parallel to the infamous underground railroad. The underground railroad was a network of protected routes and safe houses that slaves used to achieve freedom. The Underground Railroad was assistance by abolitionists and those who disagreed with slavery. Likewise, to The Handmaid’s tale, people disagree with the Republic of Gilead’s laws, and they help function Mayday. For instance, Nick is a part of Mayday and helps Offred escape.
“…I open my mouth to say it, but he [Nick] comes over, close to me, whispers. ‘It’s all right. It’s Mayday. Go with them.’’
(Atwood, 293)
After I finished reading The Handmaid’s Tale and the historical notes, I figured all my questions would have been answered. On the contrary, I was left curious and filled with queries more than ever before. I ponder on what happened to the narrator Offred? Was she sent to the Colonies, or did Nick rescue her? Did Offred and her family ever reunite? Finally, the question that haunted me the most: what was Margaret Atwood’s purpose for writing this novel? How did she want the readers to feel after they finished reading it? What was her message to the American society? However, I came upon the realization that my state of uncertainty was Margaret Atwood’s purpose when she wrote The Handmaid’s Tale.
Margaret Atwood wants the reader to be left with uncertainty because she wrote The Handmaid’s Tale to serve as a warning. A warning to the American society about how history repeats itself if change does not take place. All the laws and policies that the Republic Gilead had were all once created and enforced by a real country.
In the historical notes the speaker, Professor Peixoto, says, “As I have said elsewhere, there was little that was truly original with or indigenous to Gilead; its genius was synthesis.”
(Atwood, 307)
The Republic of Gilead’s government is simply a combination of past, nevertheless, real policies from governments around the world. This supports my claim that Atwood wrote The Handmaid’s Tale to serve as a warning because in the novel history repeats itself. The evidence is shown with symbolism and parallels in The Handmaid’s Tale. For instance, the apparent symbolism to racism and the parallels to the Underground Railroad and increasing levels of pollution.
It is translucent that Atwood wrote The Handmaid’s Tale with an embedded underlying message. However, as a reader and a citizen of twenty-first-century America, I hope that we take her warning effectively by making a change in the world.
“Beautiful and brutally honest, Mary Lambert’s poetry is a beacon to anyone who’s ever been knocked down–and picked themselves up again. In verse that deals with sexual assault, mental illness, and body acceptance, Ms. Lambert’s Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across emerges as an important new voice in poetry, providing strength and resilience even in the darkest of times” (Goodreads.com).
Tips for reading:
Purchase the book
I recommend purchasing the physical book AND the audiobook. The audiobook is narrated by Lambert herself and accompanied by her classically-trained pianism, so the emotion and feeling exude from it. I also suggest purchasing a physical copy or the ebook, so you can follow along with the words as Lambert reads through it.
Tissues
Lambert is a self-proclaimed cryer and a crying advocate. She has often stated that her brand is crying, so it’s no surprise that her book is a real tear-jerker— it’s meant to be.
Sticky notes/bookmarks
Personally, I don’t like to mark in books, so I use sticky notes to flag important pages and jot down any thoughts. There are some pretty heavy themes in this book, so writing notes is highly suggested.
In addition to poetry, Lambert is a singer-songwriter. Grief Creature is her most recent album; it was released one year after her poetry collection. Originally, it was set to have the same title, as it was intended to accompany the book, but Lambert later decided otherwise. However, the album and the book portray many of the same themes; in fact, a few of the songs on her album are lyrical adaptations of her poems. Therefore, to get the full experience, I strongly suggest listening to the album.
Review:
I have probably read this book 20 times since I purchased it in the spring of 2019. With selections like, “I Wish Powerful Men Would Stop Being F*ing Terrible,” “Tips for Fat Girls,” “Rape Poem,” “The Art of Shame,” and “I Know Girls,” Lambert has crafted this work of art that is moving, evocative, and empathetic. It is a mirror, a diary, a poetic reflection of women who are queer, fat, neurodiverse, and are, not only, survivors but lovers, as well as the radical notion that you can be both.
It is a book about healing, but it is also a book about feeling. Lambert, very beautifully, tells women that it is okay to feel shame, to feel sad, to feel broken, to feel numb, to feel any and everything, but to feel something.
The book is comprised of 5 chapters, but the first one is my favorite.
O N E
my body is terrifying,
idaho is a giant sh*thole,
and other wholesome stories.
This chapter includes selections about body acceptance, sexual assault, trauma, and vulnerability. The collection begins with a piece entitled:
How I Learned to Love
When I was fifteen, I hated everything except for Weezer and maybe like two people. And cereal. One time a boy grabbed me in the music room and kissed my neck in front of everybody. I did not want to be kissed, but I thought I was supposed to want to be kissed. I did not know what to do. And so I laughed. I knew you were supposed to laugh after things like that The world had taught me to dress up my trauma in short skirts and secret bathroom crying, to protect the fragility of boys at all costs
When I was five, my father molested me you become a strange human that way You cannot whip yourself awake as a child I should have been born a bird
When I turned six, I stopped talking.
When I was twenty-five and my name was on the radio, I asked people to write poems and send them to me Maybe because I was starved of honest humanity Half of the poems were about slit wrists
I do not want to know any more about this brand of humanity. All I know of love is hunger.
When I met you, I planted my heart into the heavy earth. I was scared, But you smiled back. Thank God I was not born a bird.
*my favorite lines are bolded
I remember the first time, I heard this poem. I had never heard anything like it, and it was absurd, but also, so beautiful. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel, but I remember the feeling of awe at how simplistic, yet raw this poem was written. I could feel the vulnerability seep from Lambert’s words— it enticed me, and I wanted to read more and more. I flipped through the pages hungrily, eating all of the words being fed to me, like they were my last meal. Lambert has this way of making you appreciate the morbidity and the authenticity of life. I shuddered at her words because I knew what they meant. It was like she could see inside my soul, and oh, what power writers and literary artists have to bestow this gift.
My second selection from this chapter is entitled:
The Art of Shame
My mother found a rabid dog And wanted to hug it Wanted to give it all her glorious honeylove Wanted to bathe her children in a two-parent household But, the dog didn’t want kids The dog would scream it in the hallway at four A.M Reminding us as often as possible The sheer art of it How the monster could panic into my body Sometimes I still hear it in the chambers of my heart The way some glorious paintings stay with you
I am a museum I must be a museum
When I was seven, the dog told me I was going to be a slut No one came over to our house to play The dog made me write, “I will flush the bathroom toilet” seventy-five times I would’ve remembered to flush the toilet But, I started blacking out around then Forgetting basic things Started praying that Oprah would save us all I took snapshots with my memory camera Hoping there would be justice for this kind of psycho warfare The teachers at the daycare offered apology eyes and extra sequins For the art project The day after, the dog chased me around each room Because I forgot where my other shoe was
When you are a child And your mind is panicked like a fire alarm at all times You lose the ability to remember simple things I haven’t lost a personal item in months Do not laugh when I say, ‘This is a victory’ Shame is an ocean I swim across Sometimes, I call it drowning Sometimes, I call it Moses Sometimes, I say, “Good morning!” and sway to its murky durge Sometimes, I win and cut off its crest with a pink machete Sometimes, I want to f*ck it and Marry it and kill it all at the same time Sometimes, I spend my whole day apologizing on shame’s behalf Sometimes, I think it must be an art form to feel this bad Sometimes, I outrun all of its psycho history Other times, I repeat the language from my childmouth While beating my head against a wall But all the time, I am forgiven
*my favorite lines are bolded
This is one of those poems that Lambert also included on her album. On the album, it is entitled “Me, Museum“. I strongly recommend listening to the spoken word version to fully experience its glory. This poem is one of my absolute favorite pieces by Lambert, next to “Tips for Fat Girls” and “Margaritas”. It is so powerful and beautifully written. It amazes me how Lambert told this entire story in such a poetic form. Many of her works do this, and it is one of my favorite aspects of her writing. It almost feels like prose, but somehow, still feels exactly like poetry, and I think that’s a unique style of writing.
As much as I’d like to include all of my favorites from this collection, I simply cannot, but I do encourage you to purchase this book and experience the greatness yourself. I will, however, include some other examples of Lambert’s work below:
This was my very first literary review, so be gentle. How’d I do? Tell me your thoughts! Also, if you choose to read/listen to this selection, please let me know, I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
when the world didn’t end by Caroline Kaufman is a poetic book full of deep thoughts the break and then mend your heart. When I got this book, I was drawn in by the title. It told me that the poems inside would somehow tell a story about healing. We all know the pain that feels like everything is over, the moment I read the title, I knew this was going to put that pain into words and go beyond. The poetry is a journey toward strength and acceptance of one’s self and past.
The book is separated into three parts: what was, what could have been, and what became. The author chooses not to use capitalization in most of her titles; I find this interesting, as I could not quite find the reasoning behind this choice, but I also found it satisfying to look at. It also made all the problems she wrote about seem small in a way. I was fully aware of the seriousness of the content, but perhaps the point was that all problems are small once you get passed them.
what was
This part of the book was the capturing of suffering. She discusses rape, heartbreak, depression, self-harm, coming of age, the struggle with sexuality, body dysmorphia, insecurities, peer-pressure, and how you lose yourself in the midst of all these things. Below are some of my favorite quotes from this section of the book.
“Survival was the only outcome we weren’t prepared for.”
“The universe is infinite, and still, I occupy too much of it.”
“I made a career out of never letting go.”
“You’re getting good at remembering to say just kidding at the end of every self-deprecating joke.”
what could have been
This portion of the book is more of the “what if’s” thoughts. What if that person had loved me back? What if I was never depressed? What if I was smarter? What if I chose better people to surround myself with? What if I never read poetry? What if I never became a writer? What if?
“How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?”
“Maybe I will not focus on the complicated at all.”
“You are not a gentle tune. You are not a lullaby no matter how many times I fall asleep thinking of you.”
“When I tell you I am passionate, I mean that I am suffering.”
what became
The last part of the book is all about healing. This captures the soul of accepting that you can’t change the cards you’ve been dealt, but you can embrace them. You can turn them into something beautiful, and you can grow from them. The story doesn’t end with your pain.
“Sometimes I’ve found that loss can be a synonym for growth.”
“It is hard to forgive without an apology, but I am trying to do it anyway. Not because you deserve the forgiveness, but because I deserve to move on.”
“I am not the house cat- I am the lioness. And If you try to cross me? I will not hesitate to bite you back.”
“Is this longing for the childhood I can never get back? Or is this hope for the person I will become?”
Kaufman captured her journey in a painfully beautiful and relatable way. I would love to ask her questions about her easily appreciated unique formatting. Her strange and whimsical ideas to depict emotions and carry out her story are far-fetched and heart-wrenching at the same time. I deeply recommend her work to any modern poetry lover.
I just got done reading this book, and I’d be lying if I said it was any different than amazing. I’ve always loved poetry books, but I believe this one is my new favorite. It had versatility to the point where I believe absolutely anyone could relate to at least one of the poems.
The Universe of Us, written by Lang Leav is a book filled with poetry of all different tones. Some of them are sad, happy, and even angry.
One of my favorite poems was A Premonition on page 117.
It reads, “There are some people who you look at, and you can just tell how their story will end. I don’t know what it is; they have everything going for them, yet it will never be enough. But when I look at you, I just know instinctively, that despite the odds against you and although life will always find a way to test you, someday you’ll have everything you want. Your ending will be a happy one.”
This piece in particular really resonated with me due to the fact that I could relate to it heavily. Throughout my own life, I have had so many doors blocking my path, and to get through them, I had to figure a few things out and be smart about it. This piece was very motivational, and when I read it, it seemed as though I was meant to read it right then.
Another piece that stood out to me was Her Time on page 63.
It read, “She has been feeling it for awhile–that sense of awakening. There is a gentle rage simmering inside her, and it is getting stronger by the day. She will hold it close to her– she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is rocket fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core– this is her time. She will not only climb mountains–she will move them too.”
First, I’d like to point out Lang’s use of hyphens. It’s very interesting how and where she placed them. She only used them in sentences that started with “She has,” “She can,” or “She will.” She uses them when the character is doing something. Lang follows the dash with a clarification of the statement before it. It almost gives off a “cause and effect” sense. Overall, I loved her use of the hyphens, and I believe it really added to the overall tone of the piece.
Today, on page 25, I have to say, is my favorite within the entire collection.
It reads, “Today I am not in my skin. My body cannot contain me. I am spilling out and over, like a rogue wave on the shore. Today I can’t keep myself from feeling like I don’t have a friend in the world. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pick myself up off the floor. My demons are lying in wait, they are grinning in the shadows, their polished fangs glinting, knowing today, it will be an easy kill. But tomorrow, tomorrow could be different, and that is what keeps me going today.”
This piece reminds me of the feeling of hope. Within the text you see someone speaking from the first person. They are explaining their physical struggles in a moment of despair, and how they feel as though they can’t continue. But, the last sentence, and it’s my favorite, reads, “But tomorrow, tomorrow could be different, and that is what keeps me going today.” This entire sentence is a sentence of hope. Even though the character is surrounded by disaster, they are continuing because they have hope that tomorrow is a better day.
The Universe of Us by Lang Leav is overall an amazing and inspiring collection of literary pieces. I encourage anyone looking for a good book to read right before you go to bed, to check this one out. You won’t regret it, and you will most definitely be enlightened by a multitude of motivation and inspiration.
