Recently, I stumbled upon an article by writerspractice.com. The article is about writer’s burnout: what it is, how it happens, and how to overcome it. Before reading this article, I had never heard of writer’s burnout, but it 100% described what I am going through. The article describes it as “looking at the page, hating the page, and questioning your entire identity as a writer, all for an extended period of time” which puts exactly how I’ve been feeling into words. Honestly, writing in general has been difficult for me lately, and I have been rethinking my entire life because I feel so lost and confused. The steps the article lists to overcome writer’s burnout really helped, and they are as follows:
- Recognize the Problem
“You can’t move on without first recognizing that maybe something is wrong. Have you ever thought, ‘I just have nothing to say, no words to write.I don’t care about writing anymore. I have no new creative ideas. I never want to write again.’If so, you might be going through a writer’s burnout.” In the process of NaNoWriMo, I felt like a failure. Every day, I’d wake up, pull out my laptop, and swear I was going to make progress. Instead, I stared at that stupid, blinking bar for hours on end, before finally closing my laptop to hide under my mountain of blankets, as if hiding would make the shame and disappointment disappear. As someone who is somewhat of a perfectionist and planner, I try to be in complete control of all things in my life, but with this project, I felt totally out of my element. I’m not a novelist, and I never claimed to be, but maybe that was the problem. I think I went into this assignment with the wrong mindset. I went in not believing in myself, and I think I set my own self up for failure.
- Don’t Stop Writing
“Write through the toil. It’s the only way to get to the other side.” I did it; I stopped writing. I gave in to the burn out and fear of imperfection, and that was my second mistake. I get so caught up in wanting everything I put my name on to be the best that I forget how to just write. It’s so tiring trying to be perfect all the time, but I feel so much pressure to do so. I often say, “If it’s not the best or it’s not perfect, why even do it?” I have slowly come to the realization that that isn’t the best mentality to have, but I’ve had that mindset for so long that I just don’t know how to break it. I should’ve pressed on. I should’ve followed through with my daily goals instead of simply avoiding them in fear not being good enough. Sometimes, I think, you just have to do the things you dread in order to become stronger and better.
- Find Yourself (again)
“When you’re feeling lost in your writing, try taking a moment to remember who you are as a writer, and more importantly why you write. Remember your audience, your message, and most importantly, your voice.” As much as I hate to admit this, I have lost myself as a writer. I can’t even remember why I started writing or why I love(d) it. Last year, I had so much passion and drive for writing and for literary, but now, everything seems so bleak. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to find that spark that I once had. I’ve lost my voice, and I don’t know how to get it back, but I fear I’ve lost it forever, which breaks my heart.
- Don’t Try to Explain Yourself
“It’s a complicated and messy thing to try to explain why you set aside your most important projects. At first, even you might not know exactly why you had to switch gears, and that’s okay.” I struggled with this a lot during NaNoWriMo. During the break, for my story, I talked to women, including my own mother, about their struggles with infertility and pregnancy loss. I heard some of the most moving, emotional, and inspiring stories. I thought that because I had taken the initiative to get these real-life stories that I’d be more enthused to write this story, but instead I felt inept. I couldn’t figure out how to translate such important, powerful stories into my own writing, so I didn’t. I worked on other things, so I could say I had a productive day, but when my fellow writers were sharing their daily goal accomplishments, I was shoving my head deeper into my sheets. I felt embarrassed to tell them that I hadn’t made much progress in my story, so I countered it with the fact that I’d been working and that my home life is crazy, which isn’t false, but I felt the need to explain. I felt like I’d let them down, but really, I had let myself down.
NaNoWriMo is not for the weak, and for most of the month, I considered myself weak, and even writing this feels like a cop-out. However, in writing and reflecting on the month, I realize that while writer’s burnout is a thing, and I have definitely been experiencing the struggles of it, I am not defined by a word count or an assignment. My self-worth should not be determined by whether or not I adequately completed something, and I should stop holding myself to these impossible standards. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I am. To be a writer, means to write, so I’m gonna do just that. I’m gonna write every day, and I won’t worry about meeting a word count or completing an assignment that I don’t care about. I’m just going to write simply because it makes me feel good, and maybe, in that. I will overcome this writer’s burnout, and find my voice again.
