Healthy body does not equal healthy mind

My absolutely least favorite thing on earth is when someone tries to educate me on food. it makes me feel this way because I have known and tracked calories for around ten years now. I also hate it when people comment on others weight and even if it is in a “good way” because I remember getting those comments at my lowest weight and it only added fuel to the fire. I remember learning and looking up how to lose weight quickly and trying everything from developing bulimia to binging because of how badly I would starve myself during the day. It got to a point that my mother would scream at me for not eating what she made, and she constantly harped on the fact that the food was “healthy”. But I only saw the oil going into the pan and how it would bleed through our paper plates. She told me I knew nothing about health and what was good and wasn’t. So it always ended in us fighting because I knew all the unhealthy ways and stuck to them. I remember at my lowest weight I was running three miles every day and would save all my calories to have a large bowl of cereal at night. My parents would say I was silly for barely eating dinner then gorging on sweets, but they didn’t get that it was one of my safe foods even though it was high in calories. I still was praised by them though for losing the weight and how active I was. I think it blindsided them to how little I was actually eating, and I stayed in this phase until we took a trip to Mexico. I remember the first few days there I would have breakdowns over the food and how I couldn’t track it on my diet app (one of which I still use today) but eventually I caved and just ate the food. I remember how freeing it felt but I would always feel a wave of guilt after. Once we went back to the states, I no longer had the motivation I once had, and I slowly put on more weight partially because I got a gym membership and slowly stopped doing cardio and started doing weights only. I then gained even more weight going to MSA. Which now leads me back to square one I now have the same disordered thoughts that I had years ago. I’m trying to do things right this time but it’s now hard to not overeat. I also am not pushing myself to extremes though not like last time. I would also like to share my journey to hold me accountable, so I thought what better place to do it then a blog. So, I can have motivation and remain healthy. 

Author: Nat

My name is Nat I love to write about historical events and anything pertaining to horror. View all posts by Nat