Author: Emerson Hultman

I dyed my hair. I know I know, it’s the third week , what was I thinking? I wasn’t. That’s the answer. You’d think being the anxious person I am I’d be freaking out about this, which I guess I am, but a LOT less than I thought I would. Quite frankly, I’m calm about it. Don’t really care. Now my mom finding out, kinda makes me nervous. Hey mom, if you’re reading this! Yes, I dyed my hair pink! I love you! See you soon!  New year, new school, new hair, new me. Well, hopefully not a completely new me.

I’m trying so hard to hold on to aspects of my old life. I keep seeing photos from people at my old school, and it feels like I’m just away for the week. Like maybe I’m having a sick day, or I’m at a summer camp. It’s super surreal not being there. Not a bad surreal, but for sure surreal. I can’t tell if this thought process is by my own doing, or if my mind is doing all of this autonomously.

I can tell though, that I’m changing as a human being. For better or for worse I can’t tell yet, I’ll update you at the end of this school year, but it’s happening. Maybe that’s why I decided to bleach and dye my hair on a Sunday before school, to show outwardly that I’m no longer the exact same girl that went to Oxford High School.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m terrified of showing this new me to Oxford. Not because they will see this completely, brand new model of myself, but rather that these two sides of me will be one? I can no longer morph between two different people like Jekyll and Hyde when I’m in the two cities. Outwardly, I’m different. Before, I could go back to Oxford, and act as I used to there, and then come back to MSA and pick up my personality I use here.

These thoughts seem silly I realize, all of it being sparked by me making a impulsive decision, but it’s something to think about.

I’ve realized that I do weird things to keep these lives separate, and I’m not sure why. Just yesterday I couldn’t even use Pages, because it was something that we used at Oxford, not MSA. Microsoft Word is an MSA thing to only be used here, and Pages is to be used in Oxford. I know how to use both well, it’s just I think the two should be separate. Maybe my goal for this year should be to morph the two worlds together. Both have been and will be important in my development as a person, so why should they stay separate? Or maybe they should. We’ll see.

It’s weird how different people view us different ways. It’s also weird how first impressions, can be so different from the person we are judging. I wish I could compile a book of people’s first impressions of me versus how they see me now. That would be interesting.

Will my hair change people’s first impression of me? Will this new color completely dictate how I’m viewed? Will I have a completely different life because I made the decision to alter my appearance? Probably not, but hey, the butterfly affect is real thing. Maybe this hair color change is one little pebble in a grander scheme of things.

It doesn’t matter anyways. This hair color is temporary. Hair re-grows. It changes. Within a year’s time I will be different, but still connected from the cotton-candy me I am now.

My best friend, Cady, describes my music taste as, and I quote, “Someone who has just gone through a really bad break up.”

Sue me! I like sad, slow, 2008 bops. Is that so terrible?

I do agree with her though, my music taste is a very odd collection of songs. I would say it’s made up of three categories: 2008 bops/sad music, musicals, and a couple of popular pop songs from throughout the past couple of years.

Each of these categories though, have a different reason I have them on my playlist.

2008 bops/sad music: I look more into the lyrics with these type of songs. Even if I don’t relate to them ever, or in the moment, I find something insanely beautiful about them.

Any song by The Fray, The Script, and Paramore. They just have such amazing lyrics that I find easy to relate to. When I don’t wanna open up to people and just kind of want to mull in my own thoughts, these songs are the perfect solution. It’s almost like you’re talking to someone. That sounds crazy, but it’s true! It’s therapeutic, give it a try.

Musicals: Musicals give me so much emotion and feeling. Falling into the routine of daily life, tends to make me feel robotic. Listening to and watching musicals makes me feel again. Real emotion. The only way to describe the feeling I get, is that of how I feel at pep rallies. I’m sitting in the bleachers, watching whatever events are playing out on the court, and the band is playing. I can feel the music in my chest. It’s a completely unique feeling, and it’s one of the most wonderful moments in life. The same is with musicals. The entirety of the song gives me the similar feeling, but in the comfort of my own home.

Hamilton is a good example of this one. I don’t wanna sound basic because I know everyone and their mothers have seen or heard of Hamilton, but it’s an amazing example. Seeing those actors have so much passion on stage makes me so inspired to go out and do something.

Popular Pop Music: This one is simple. It’s nice to have an escape from everything, and just have a song that doesn’t need to be analyzed. I can just listen and distract myself.

Dua Lipa’s New Rules is my favorite pop distraction at the moment. I know it has been out for forever, but it’s still a jam. Acapella versions of this song are so satisfying. I would for sure give one a listen if you haven’t

Overall, I wouldn’t say my music taste is so bad.

I have always been fascinated with the Crayola crayon names. Ever since I was little, I loved how the names of the crayons fit their hues perfectly. Or at least they seem perfect to me.

According to Crayola’s website, the crayon’s have gotten their names from “a book called ‘Color: Universal Language and Dictionary of Names.’ and also would get names from special consumer promotions.

In 2017, Crayola’s newest consumer named crayon, was a blue color. Customers across North America could vote for this new crayon to be named. The name chosen was “Bluetiful.”

In 1992, there was another similar contest, but this time with a wider arrangement of colors. Kids and Adults alike could make up creative names for the Crayola crayons. This was the first time in Crayola history that anyone outside of Crayola named any of the colors.

I know  what you’re thinking, why does this matter? They’re just crayons. To be completely honest, I have no idea either. But it’s history! Crayola is a company that has almost set the standard for basic art supplies. They aren’t the highest quality, I will admit, but they’re a household name. Nobody was using Prismacolors at two years old.

Now let’s dive into my personal favorite shades and color names.

Macaroni and Cheese- This is one of those names that I just loved as a kid, and still love to this day. I remember not even being too crazy about the color, but I sure did love the name. It holds true to this day. I love Mac n’ Cheese with my whole heart, and would love to use a crayon named after it.

Periwinkle– Ahhh, a true classic. There isn’t too much to say other than it’s a color that stays throughout the years. I think this is the color that sparked my love for pastels.

Purple Mountains’ Majesty– I remember being an eight year old and reading this color name and thinking, ‘why?’ Who sat down to name this purple color. I can tell you who! The lady who named this oddity is Mildred Sampson. She was 89 at the time, and she got to name this crayon through the aforementioned, 1992 Crayola naming contest. Upon further inspection of the name, it refers to a lyric in the song, “America the Beautiful.” The song was originally a poem, but it has morphed into an American patriotic song. You learn something new everyday!

Cadet Blue– I’m gonna be honest here, 8 year old me had no clue what a Cadet was. I kind of just thought it was a pretty name. Despite me not knowing the meaning behind the color then, I appreciated the color a lot. It was a frequent crayon I used in my collection. 11/10 would recommend using this shade.  I realize now that Periwinkle and Cadet Blue are similar in shades, but they still have their own uniqueness!

I went a lot deeper into the history of these names and colors than I thought  I would. If anyone would like to take the same journey I did, then here are the links I used!

http://www.jennyscrayoncollection.com/2015/07/96-limited-edition-name-new-colors.html

http://www.crayoncollecting.com/ccolor21.htm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America_the_Beautiful

The three of you have taken and re-attached pieces of me.

You three have been my own personal surgeons, sewing and sewing my body back together.

You three are so different and your roles in my life are too, but you’re similar in the fact that you’re important.

You aren’t just passing by, you’ve stayed. You physically, will most likely leave me one day. And that’s okay. Never feel guilty for finding new paths and new people. That’s life. I haven’t told any of you in depth about your meaning, because of that reason. I will not crumble in your absence, because you have already repaired me.

You taught me that being myself is okay. That I should apologetically be me and only me. That I’m imperfect as I come, but that’s what people should love. You have stood up for me, because I could never do that for myself. You tell me when I need to stop giving myself out to people because I can only run myself so thin. I think coffee will forever run in my veins because of you.

You have given me stability. I can be my pure self around you because you’re the same way. We can laugh until our stomachs hurt, but you still turn around and give the advice and truth no one else is willing to give. The truth can hurt, but you make sure I know that you’ll be there to back me up. I don’t thank you enough for that.

When I tell you this, I know you think I’m joking. I try to refrain from saying it because I don’t want you to feel bad about leaving. Leaving is inevitable and I get that. I understand that. People and life change so often, and I know that I won’t forever be apart of that. For now though, you’re a comfort. A reminder that someone saw me for the mess that I was, and still am, and liked it. Decided to stay with it. Again, don’t let me scare you off with this! It’s okay! I have come to terms with that I won’t forever have this. And that’s perfectly okay. I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get there. Just know that you’ve really helped me no matter if you think you have or not. When you question me about why I choose to “put up with you” it’s because you have done the same for me.

I like the idea that three is a magic number. You three have created a little magic to keep with me.