The people fate binds you to..

“Accept the things to which fate binds you and love the people with whom fate brings you together but do so with all your heart.”

Marcus Aurelius

Then, this quote was something to hear and not feel. It was surface level and could not penetrate past that point, like a stick of hay trying to poke a hole into a SUV. I thought noticing and accepting the people we are around was common sense. At least, what this meant to me was to have compassion for people. Express your love for them, if you are able/comfortable and want to be in the position of receiving that love back. 

Thinking further, I was so in focused on myself and what I was adding to the world. Was I good enough at this? Or could I use more focus at that?  I can’t say I remember a single time where I was just sitting with the people fate bonded me to without using my phone or accessing that part of my brain that naturally critiqued itself. Then, I thought this was a good thing. If I found every weak point of my piano skills or read a hefty section of a biology book, I’d be set for life. I’d have the world.

But now, without the people fate bonded me to those big things feel small. Everything I worked toward wasn’t worthless, they just weren’t as meaningful as they used to be. It seems like the time was wasted instead of well spent. What I was adding to the world didn’t mean anything because the world is given to everyone but the people around me were exclusively my own. 

I think times like this become a realization. They warp into a picture that you aren’t familiar with but those are all your brush strokes, those are all your handprints. It’s created away from your eye but nonetheless in your favor. 

And maybe that’s what life is about. Painting a picture, you cannot actually see or touch, you just have to let who you are be the brush and how you live be the brushstrokes. Living away from my family has let the picture come alive and show itself to me. Who I am, and how I live. It’s not a bad realization of course, because I’m not a bad person. It’s just so strong and haunting that it seems final. 

But how can we combat this feeling? Can we become something different than we used to be? Take extra care to show our family that we love and need them and appreciate the support they give us? We don’t have to change in fact we just have to do some inner work. Make goals and plans to reach out to them and find a center. Where we feel peace away from the people the universe put in our space. But before that we have to become better family members. Join in the family board game or volunteer to go grocery shopping with grandma. Braid your sister’s hair while watching her favorite show and talk about the most random things together. Talk about how the shoes hanging on the powerline once belonged to someone and share how they even got there in the first place. 

This creates involvement. So that the peace sprouts from something good. It sprouts from effort that energizes your familial bond. That even though we haven’t been the most involved in the past we can strengthen it with good intentions alone. They will recognize this, they will see the frequent calls and letters, they will notice how your room door is open and inviting and how you always greet them in the morning and wish them a goodnight at the end of the day. This, to me, is accepting our loved ones at a deeper range. Valuing the people we’ve looked over, because we need them after all.