two years of grief… and what to show for it?

hey, blog. this week’s blog is extra special because this week is extra special for me. saturday marks my grandmother’s birthday… and a week later, march 19th, will mark the two year anniversary of her passing. for these reasons, spring is an incredibly bittersweet season for me. it’s unfathomable that i’ve spent two years on this earth without her. there is an irreparable hole in my heart that will remain until i see her again. but i also know that she would want me to rejoice in her memory during these times. my granny was never one to be fussed over. i know that if she were here with me now, she would say, “don’t be sad over me, bud. i ain’t studying that. you just worry about school, keepin’ your mama and daddy straight, and making sure your aunts don’t drive each other crazy.” she’d smile and take a swig from her styrofoam cup, and i’d be right at home again.

i apologize if this blog is a little all over the place, but this isn’t something that i talk about much. i’m not exactly known for the ease with which i express my feelings. but as i look around and see the seasons changing, i can’t help but think about the seasons of my life and the person who won’t be there to see me through them. my granny loved springtime. she loved the sun and the butterflies, and most of all, she loved fishing. she’d wear her monogrammed t-shirts and birkenstocks and go to the river every weekend. if the red clover was out, that meant the brim were biting, and she would get a twinkle in her eye. “don’t you wanna go with us, emmy-lou? bernie’ll fix us a steak and you can go tubin’!” she’d tell me. i’d give anything to go back in time and spend another weekend in that rickety shack on the tombigbee. with her. to see her smile, hear her laugh, smell her perfume. a simple blog post isn’t even enough to honor her, who she was and what she meant to me.nothing could ever be enough, but i’ll spend the whole rest of my life working to honor her memory the best i can. 

i love you, G. happy birthday.

Author: Emma Stapp

☆writer, musician, 4w5, jason bateman enthusiast! i love studying pop culture, movies, shows, and music☆

One thought on “two years of grief… and what to show for it?”

  1. Emma, I’m so glad you’re in a place where you can remember her so well. She sounds like an amazing woman. If you ever want to talk about her, I’ll happily listen.

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