Growth

It has been quite a year, perhaps one of the most stressful ones I’ve endured, but I can’t deny that I have learned so much about myself here. I didn’t have any phenomenal break-throughs like some. I didn’t discover an entirely new aspect of myself, but my horizons were broadened. My spectrum was lengthened. I grew.

I kicked off this year crying over the anniversary of my friends death, from there I stopped wearing make-up often and shut myself out. I secluded myself out fear of people and the things that they could make me feel. I also set a diet plan, that I did for a while, but eventually quit due to lack of result. My weight has been one of my biggest enemies this year.

Eventually people began to see how sick I was, and I feel many, at some point, grew quite annoyed with my constant illnesses, fatigue, and complaints against my body. I have yet to figure out what is wrong with me, but hopefully that will surface soon.

I stayed in a soap opera of a relationship. That part even annoyed me haha.

I battled with stress disorder, and had a few stress seizures along the way.

Two more of my friends passed away.

My best friend walked out on me.

Yeah, it hasn’t been all to great.

But you know what? I went fishing for the first time since my friend (K) passed away. I found peace in his death, and found his soul by the pond behind my house. I learned to accept it, and though I miss him, I know wherever he is, he’s happy. That boy was always happy.

I came out of my shell. It happened a little late, but I did it. I started speaking to people, and laughing. I found joy somewhere in this school, and it was so relieving. I realized that there are really great people here, people I will cherish for the rest of my life even if I never speak to them again.

The diet never worked, but I got off the medicine that was causing the weight problem, and then got a new one that helped me lose some. I am currently working the weight off and have seen real progress.

I got my mom to agree to get me tested for Lupus, and other autoimmune disorders. I’m going to get a full screening over the summer to find out what is going on, so with the highest of hopes, I will be being treated and feeling better next year.

I haven’t had a stress seizure in a few months, and I really believe I am figuring out how to control it.

I keep the families of my two fallen friends in my thoughts everyday, but a wonderful teacher of mine taught me that it’s not fair to myself to dwindle on things I can’t change. I love both of those girls dearly, but they aren’t suffering anymore, and I use that thought to give me peace.

I made a friend who knows how to diffuse my bombs, instead of setting them off. It has been a long time since I had a friend who treats me as an equal, and she is honestly such a phenomenal person. I am so thankful that I got the chance to know her, and to now call her my best friend. I know I will stress her out sometimes, but she is the first person I have trusted in I don’t know how long.

I made many accomplishments this year, and I had many set backs. Yet, I feel I have finally found solid ground.

To our rising juniors, don’t be afraid. This is a place to hurt, a place to grow, a place to laugh and cry. I hope you are ready, but if you hit a hard spot, you can come to any of us.

My fellow rising seniors, Are You Ready Kids?

Ya’ll keep writing. I’ll see you in August.