When I Write Down My Thoughts

Feb 25

2:10 pm

My left eye is hurting and I wish it would stop because it’s the only thing keeping me from focusing.

Feb 27

12:24 pm

I feel like it’s September again.

1:06 pm

I’m in the handicap stall. I always feel guilty when I do this because what if someone actual needs it? What if I walked out and they’re leaning on their crutches, waiting. What do I say? Sorry, I like the space in the biggest stall better, and I feel less trapped? Does this make me a bad person?

3:11 pm

I drank Diet Coke thinking it would soothe my dry throat.

3:17 pm

I understand why my brother always carries a book. It gives people a reason not to talk to you and gives you a distraction from people not talking to you.

Feb 27

12;02 am

The world is cruel and unfair for no reason. Some kid today got the diagnosis that he has leukemia. He probably didn’t know what that meant. His mom probably could only explain to him that he wouldn’t be able to play soccer for a while because how do you explain to a six year old that they’re dying. It’s easier to just explain that they’re sick and tell them they’ll get better for next soccer season. If they live to next soccer season. Or even worse maybe a kid didn’t get diagnosed today and never will. They will leave silently and painfully and maybe no one will mourn for them. Today a dog got put down. Today several dogs got put down. Not even ones who got to live a long, loved life. Ones that take up too much space in an animal shelter. Ones that didn’t know love until the vet was stroking their fur while they got euthanized. Hoe does the world let a dog who has never slept in till noon in a queen size bed with a loving owner die? The same world who (Insert: and maybe cruel things don’t fit in some box. Letting a person live a mediocre life could be cruel idk???)

7:27 am

Last night I had a dream that someone told me we didn’t have school tomorrow. I don’t remember who it was but I just remember feeling loved.

March 3

1:04 am

When I was 7 my biggest fear is that when I swallowed gum it’d stay in my stomach for seven years, churning and churning. I can’t vouch that it did because was I turned 14 I was too hyper focused on other things to realize if it had come and gone.

March 7

1:08 pm

I think that’s the dumbest thing.

March 10

1:41 pm

My bones crack like tiny bird bones.

March 14

7:44 pm

I like the sound of when people in love laugh. It’s really pretty.

March 15

11:45 am

One time I saw a woman and what I assumed was her father sitting across from her father sitting across from each other at a Johnny Rockets. The woman was so tiny that wind could knock her dead over. The man was wearing overalls; could have been a farmer. The entire time they sat there, they sat in silence. The daughter couldn’t even look him in the eye. She curled herself in her seat, focused on the floor instead of him. The father looked at her, almost pleading for her to say the words he couldn’t find. Their food got to the table. I think that they both got a burger, or at least the daughter did. She scarfed down half of her burger, not touching her fries. I looked away to eat my own food, and when I looked back she was gone, and her dad was eating the empty food she didn’t eat, his own plate empty. After he finished, he wobbled up to the counter, paid, and left.

March 18

11:44 pm

I like feeling the cold dorm air against my skin.